Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1394 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 17, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
P Question by P on Mar 17, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hi I am 38 year married woman with one 12yr boy and living in joint family. I am doing everything very honestly and sincerely as a lady does as housewife but I never got love, respect as wife from my husband and few years after our marriage I had seen changes in his behavior and day by day he is getting very rude towards me. So I decided to enquire the reason behind these and came to know that he is having affairs with someone whom he is treating as his wife and giving everything to her as his wife and also wants to marry her. I told these to our parents and after talking with him he assured of not continuing the affair. But after that incident I had not seen any change in his behavior and still acting in the same way. I told these to my parents but because of some compulsion I decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is but these is very difficult for me to accept these and continue these relationship. In my schooldays I likes a boy, we love each other but after my marriage we had never been in contact with each other and he also not contacted me respecting my decision.But after these incident I contacted him to know how he is and came to know that he is still unmarried and waiting for me and I told him about my married life.As he loves me very much and still wants me as his wife and told me that he will accept me as I am. As I also loves him a lot and after knowing that he is still waiting for me its become very difficult for me live without him . I remain honest in my married life but after these incident I dont want to live here and also unable to leave because of family condition and also because of the society we lived in but now its became very difficult for me to continue these married life. We shares everything with each other . He respects me and my feelings and loves me a lot and I feel that he is always there for me and will support me in all respect. Kindly guide me what shall I do.

Ans: Dear P.
Never use a current situation to justify a new relationship. You are simply using the new relationship as a distraction from the old unsuccessful one.
Any reason why you had decided to accept your husband's affair?

You have not moved past your marriage to be able to handle another relationship. First things first...
1. What happens to your son in this confusion?
2. Have you decided to separate/divorce your husband before pursuing the new person?
3. Is the new person willing to accept your son and understand that he is a part of all this?
4. Are you living some unfulfilled dream with this man from your past?
5. Are you running away from the pain of your marriage and seeking solace in the new person?

Kindly answer these questions before you jump from one relationship to another. It will save you a lot of heartache and trouble.
Relationships are not something to be used to escape from and into BUT something to be grown into and grown from.

All the best!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1394 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 01, 2023

Listen
Relationship
Hi I am 38 year married woman with one 12yr boy and living in joint family. I am doing everything very honestly and sincerely as a lady does as housewife but I never got love respect as wife from my husband and few years after our marriage I had seen changes in his behavior and day by day he is getting very rude towards me. So I decided to enquire the reason behind these and came to know that he is having affairs with someone whom he is treating as his wife and giving everything to her as his wife and also wants her to get married. I told these to both of our parents and after talking with him he assured of not continuing the affair. But after that incident I had not seen any change in his behavior and still acting in the same way. I told these to my parents but because of some compulsion we both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is but these is very difficult for me to accept these and continue these relationship. In my schooldays I likes a boy, we love each other but after my marriage we had never been in contact with each other and he also not contacted me respecting my decision.But after these incident and during Corona I contacted him to know how he is and came to know that he is still unmarried and waiting for me and I told him about my married life.As he loves me very much and still wants me as his wife and told me that he will accept me as I am. As I also loves him a lot and after knowing that he is still waiting for me its become very difficult for me live without him as now i doesn’t feel complete without him. I remain honest in my married life but after these incident I dont want to live here and also unable to leave because of family condition and also because of the society we lived in. We shares everything with each other . He respects me and my feelings and loves me a lot and I feel that he is always there for her and will support me in all respect. Kindly guide me what shall I do.
Ans: Dear P,
It is unfortunate that you had to snoop around and find out about your husband's affair.
And it is understandable that you are trying to ease the pain but HOW?

The way the mind responds is to immediately move away from pain to feel better. But that doesn't mean you jump into another relationship. It is not healthy. This person from your past can be a good friend who can support you as you go through your marriage challenges and decisions that you might eventually make. take time to get to know each other. Who you knew him in the past, may not be the person who he is now. Priorities change, situations change.
Do not assume the same attraction till you have given each other the time and space with each other to gauge this. Even a bit of care and attention will seem like attraction especially when you have a husband who is being just the opposite.
So, my suggestion is to start on a friendly note and see how it grows first before thinking of a committed relationship AND don't forget you have a child too. Your friend will have to understand that if he accepts you, he also needs to be willing to take responsibility to treat your son as his. So, go slow and don't let this connection become a mere distraction. You will both end up spoiling it and you would not done anything to fix your marriage as well.
Does this make sense? You probably wanted a better response from me to get a go-ahead. I can't do that as it will just bring you more heartbreak. Close one door to be able to walk through another one confidently.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |437 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 05, 2023

Listen
Relationship
Hi I am 38 year married woman with one 12yr boy and living in joint family. I am doing everything very honestly and sincerely as a lady does as housewife but I never got love respect as wife from my husband and few years after our marriage I had seen changes in his behavior and day by day he is getting very rude towards me. So I decided to enquire the reason behind these and came to know that he is having affairs with someone whom he is treating as his wife and giving everything to her as his wife and also wants her to get married. I told these to both of our parents and after talking with him he assured of not continuing the affair. But after that incident I had not seen any change in his behavior and still acting in the same way. I told these to my parents but because of some compulsion we both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is but these is very difficult for me to accept these and continue these relationship. In my schooldays I likes a boy, we love each other but after my marriage we had never been in contact with each other and he also not contacted me respecting my decision.But after these incident and during Corona I contacted him to know how he is and came to know that he is still unmarried and waiting for me and I told him about my married life.As he loves me very much and still wants me as his wife and told me that he will accept me as I am. As I also loves him a lot and after knowing that he is still waiting for me its become very difficult for me live without him as now i doesn’t feel complete without him. I remain honest in my married life but after these incident I dont want to live here and also unable to leave because of family condition and also because of the society we lived in. We shares everything with each other . He respects me and my feelings and loves me a lot and I feel that he is always there for me and will support me in all respect. Kindly guide me what shall I do
Ans: Dear P
Dear P

Big hugs

It sounds like you are in a very difficult and complex situation. Your husband's behavior towards you is not acceptable, and it is understandable that you feel hurt and unsupported in your marriage. It is also understandable that you have feelings for someone from your past who has always been respectful of your marriage and who now wants to be with you.

However, it's important to remember that any decision you make will have consequences, and it's important to carefully consider all the potential outcomes before making a choice. It's also important to think about what is best for you and your son, as well as for the other people involved.

Here are a few things to consider:

Talk to a professional: It may be helpful to speak with a therapist or counselor to help you sort through your feelings and make a decision that is right for you. A professional can provide an objective perspective and help you explore your options.

Think about your priorities: Consider what is most important to you in your life. Do you want to prioritize your own happiness and pursue a relationship with the person you love, or do you want to prioritize your family and the stability of your current living situation?

Consider the impact on your son: Think about how any decision you make will impact your son. Will he be able to adjust to a new living situation, and how will he be affected by your decision to leave your current marriage?

Talk to your husband: If you haven't already, it may be helpful to have an honest conversation with your husband about how his behavior has made you feel and what you need from him in order to feel supported and respected in your marriage.

Think about the long-term: Consider the long-term implications of any decision you make. How will it impact your financial situation, your relationships with family members, and your own emotional well-being?

Ultimately, the decision about what to do is yours, and it's important to make a choice that feels right for you. Just remember to take your time, think carefully, and seek support from those you trust.

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |107 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 20, 2024

Listen
Relationship
Hi I am 39 year married woman with one 13yr boy and living in joint family. I am doing everything very honestly and sincerely as housewife but I never got love respect as wife from my husband and few years after our marriage I had seen changes in his behavior and day by day he is getting very rude towards me. So I decided to enquire the reason behind these and came to know that he is having affair with someone whom he is treating as his wife and giving everything to her as his wife and also wants to marry her. I told these to both of our parents and after talking with him he assured of not continuing the affair. But after that incident I had not seen any change in his behavior and still acting in the same way. I told these to my parents but because of some compulsion we both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is but these is very difficult for me to accept these and continue these relationship. In my schooldays I likes a boy, we love each other but after my marriage we had never been in contact with each other and he also not contacted me .But after these incident and during Corona I contacted him to know how he is and came to know that he is still unmarried and waiting for me and I told him about my married life.As he loves me very much and still wants me as his wife and told me that he will accept me as I am. As I also loves him a lot and after knowing that he is still waiting for me its become very difficult for me live without him as now i doesn’t feel complete without him. I remain honest in my married life but after these incident I dont want to live here and also unable to leave because of family condition and also because of the society we lived in. We shares everything with each other . He respects me and my feelings and loves me a lot and I feel that he is always there for me and will support me in all respect. Kindly guide
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time. It sounds like you're in a very complex situation, and I'm not qualified to give you advice on personal or emotional matters. However, I can offer some general information that may be helpful.

It's important to remember that you're not alone in this. Many people go through difficult times in their marriages, and there are resources available to help you cope. If you're feeling overwhelmed, it may be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor. They can provide you with support and guidance as you work through your challenges.

If you're thinking about leaving your marriage, it's important to weigh all of your options carefully and consider the potential consequences of your decision. You may want to talk to a lawyer or financial advisor to get advice on what your rights and options are.

Ultimately, the decision of what to do is up to you. There is no right or wrong answer, and what works for one person may not work for another. However, it's important to make your decision based on what is best for you and your family.

I hope this information is helpful. Please remember that you're not alone, and there are people who care about you and want to help.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |465 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I (30F) had been in some Relationships at different stages of my Life, which Failed due to different Reasons and I am not Virgin. After getting exhausted emotionally, I quit Dating, 2 years ago & I decided to settle down for an Arranged Marriage, as a last resort. Since the last 2 years, I have met many Eligible Bachelors who seemed to show genuine interest in me, at the initial stage. But at some point of time, all of them asked me about my Virginity & Body Count. I had always been Honest with all of them. And almost all of them Rejected me for this one Reason. Some of them straightaway told me that they couldn't Trust any Woman who's not Virgin. Some of them gave some other Trivial Reason to Reject me, though, I could intuitively guess the Real Reason for Rejection. And some of them, just Ghosted me, immediately. I had been feeling very Bad about getting Rejected, it felt as if I was being Punished for my Honesty. Now I have begun to Question myself, whether I really need to tell my Prospective Partner about my Past? Why should my Past matter to my Future Partner? Do I owe, my Future Partner, any explanation for the way I have lived my Life until now? Is it really Fair to Judge me only on the basis of my Virginity, rather than my entire being as a whole? Does my entire worth depend only upon my Virginity? Why do Men raise Questions about my Past, in the first place, while I never asked any of them about their Past, as I don't care about my Partner's Past? Why are Men so Insecure about Sexually Active Women, is their Male Ego so Fragile that they can't accept a Woman's Past? Do they have the Right to Ask a Woman about her Sexual History, in the first place? Do they really need to know about my Past? Do I really have any Obligation to be Honest with them & disclose about my Past, before Marriage itself? My Family members are advising me that it's not Wrong to say a few White Lies, for the sake of Marriage? Would it be Wise, on my part to follow their Advice & Lie to Arranged Marriage prospects that I am Virgin? Or else, in what other ways can I Answer, Questions about my Virginity, Body Count & Sexual History, raised by future prospects, such that I don't get Rejected?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your frustration. You made some very valid points. You are absolutely right- no one has any business asking you about your virginity. And you are also correct that it does not define you at all. But the truth is, to some people, it matters more than it should. They are not entirely at fault alone; it is the whole society. Nevertheless, you are right. While it is your decision whether you want to lie or be honest, I would suggest telling the truth. Not for their sake; for yours. You should not have to live your married life always thinking "Would my past have mattered to him?" or wondering if things would have been different if you told him the truth. Moreover, being honest will set you free; maybe it comes with rejections, but at least you do not ever have to bear the weight of lies or feel guilty about deceiving someone. And most importantly, you won’t have to settle for someone who cares so much about such superficial things. Happy marriages cannot start with a lie.

We can't control what's important to whom, but we can respect them, even if we disagree. If you are not comfortable disclosing your body count or past, simply answer their question with yours- "Does that matter to you a lot?" If they say yes, you can reject him because your values don't align.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |465 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am 33 year old women and have been looking for matches in matrimony from year 2021 but was not getting suitable matches. Got connected with multiple profile but it didn't workout well.Just last month i saw one profile i liked it and sent request. My request got accepted and then i shared the contact no with my dad which was registered on matrimony. My dad called his dad and discussed about profiles and they liked it. Now the guy is in USA and his dad said he will be coming back next year. Till then his dad said let them connect on video call. So his dad shared my contact no with him and said he will call me. 2 days passed but he didn't call so my dad informed his dad and his dad called him and then he said he is quite busy in work and will ping me either in weekdays if free or on weekends. But then i didn't receive any reply and then again my dad called them after 10 days and asked why their son has not called yet so his dad also said he is busy but he will definetly call her and till then as per their earlier request we also said if you want to come and meet the family then can do that.so his dad said if we don't have any plan for the next week on weekends[i.e on 24th nov] then we will surely come but then on 23rd nov my dad called them regarding the meet and then they said they are out so mostly will not be able to come tomorrow and his dad said i will ask son to talk to your daughter first today. After this there was no conversation bcoz his son didn't call. Later when i searched him on facebook coincidently on one of his post i saw his contact number and i checked on whatsapp and then i came to know he has saved my contact no. But then i am confused why he haven't called me yet. First time i have got some good vibes about someone but this is really killing me. I was doing lot of overthinking then i asked my dad again if we can ask his contact number and my dad said no this will look desperate to them. I already have his contact number but confused like should i text him what can be the consequences.Lots of thoughts running into my mind. Please help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, there is no hard and fast rule that says that men have to make the first move. If you like someone, you can easily give him a call or drop a text. If a man finds that desperate, you should not settle for someone like that.

Next, judging by the series of events, I would say there is a good chance of either of two things happening- first, he might actually be very busy. But I don't think people are ever so busy that they can't take five minutes of their time to make a call. But then again, you are still strangers and hence, you are not his priority currently. Second, they might be breadcrumbing you. Just giving you enough hope to keep you hooked while they search for more potential matches. The most concerning thing is that the entire family can't keep their word or have the decency to inform about the change of plans.

Your father is not wrong; right now if you contact him after he has repeatedly failed to contact you, it will not look good, and worse, you will not feel good about it. My question is, do you really want a man like this? I know you have been trying for a while and not getting good results can be frustrating, but that does not mean you have to settle for this. I truly believe you deserve better. You can wait some more and see where it goes, but I strongly suggest not pursuing things from your end anymore. Let them do so if they are truly interested. Suppose they don't, understand that you have dodged a bullet.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |3971 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Dec 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2024Hindi
Listen
Career
I have a daughter age 14 study in 8th grade...she is not interested in studies which shows in her low grades...we have forced her to study and her mood fluctuate sometimes studies well and most time disinterested...I am worried about what to choose for her after 10th ..I am not going to join her in engineering or doctor..she is creatively inclined though... What should I do to improve her grades.. To atleast finish as a graduate... Which course should I opt to channelize and bring out her creativity
Ans: First and foremost, you ensure that (1) your communication channel is open with her and that you spend at least thirty minutes with her daily. (2) The atmosphere at home is serene, and (3) she does not have a significant addiction to electronic gadgets. (4) Meet with your daughter's school teacher or any counselor at least once every two weeks, or at the absolute least once a month, in order to learn the reasons behind her poor academic performance. (5) If it is at all possible, chat with her classmates at school to find out if your daughter has any additional problems that she does not want to divulge to you. (6) Make an effort to determine the underlying cause of her lack of interest in her studies. (7) Make an effort to stimulate her by recognizing her for her minor accomplishments. (8) She should also make time for hobbies and relaxation in her routine. (8) To ensure that she has a thorough understanding of her interests, aptitude, attitude, orientation, and personality, it is recommended that she takes any psychometric test at the time that she will be on vacation during the month of December. (9) Determine her path after she completes her 10th grade. (10) You should select the appropriate path for her to take depending on the results of the psychometric test. Some options include the arts and humanities, commerce with arts, vocational courses, and skill-based programs. (10) She should also make a decision by the time she is in the 10th grade as to which stream is the most appropriate for her in order to prepare her for the entrance exams (by enrolling in online or offline coaching programs) to get admission into any undergraduate program that is suited for her. All the Best for your Daughter's bright future.

Follow RediffGURUS to kno more on 'Education | Jobs | Careers'.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7258 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2024

Money
How far reliable this new investment platform talked and even promoted by ( Invest Rs 21000 and earn 2 million dollar per month) RBI Gov,Sundar Pitchai,Narayana Murthy, Sudha N Murthyand even by FM
Ans: The claim you mention—"Invest Rs. 21,000 and earn $2 million per month"—is a classic red flag for a scam or fraudulent investment scheme. It is highly unlikely that reputed personalities would endorse such a scheme. Let me explain why you should approach such claims with extreme caution:

1. Unrealistic Returns
Promising an exorbitant return like $2 million per month from a small investment of Rs. 21,000 is highly unrealistic. Genuine investment platforms provide returns in line with market performance and risk levels, which are far less dramatic.
2. No Official Endorsement
Check the official websites or verified accounts of these personalities to confirm any claims. Misusing their names is a common tactic used by scammers.
3. Misleading Marketing
Fraudsters often use photos or quotes from famous individuals to make their schemes look legitimate. These endorsements are usually fake and done without the knowledge or permission of the individuals.
4. RBI Guidelines
The RBI regularly issues warnings against fraudulent schemes and platforms. It never endorses specific investment opportunities. Instead, it encourages investors to exercise due diligence.
5. Too Good to Be True
As a rule of thumb, if an offer sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Legitimate investments grow over time and require careful planning and risk management.
What You Should Do
Verify the Platform: Look for official documentation or licenses from SEBI, RBI, or other regulatory authorities.
Research: Check reviews and ratings on trusted financial websites. Look for independent sources, not just what the platform claims.
Consult an Expert: Speak to a financial advisor or investment consultant before putting your money anywhere.
Report Suspicious Activities: If you suspect fraud, report it to the Cyber Crime Cell or SEBI.
Would you like me to help you investigate this specific platform further? If yes, please provide the name or link, and I can assist.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x