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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 24, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Pramila Question by Pramila on Aug 22, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, I am a 38 year n married since 7 yrs. Its a love at first sight for me & he had a severe break up before our marriage. My husband is a person of heart & philosophy. His philosophy was not to talk to opposite gender, not having male friends etc which he had clarified before marriage. As I am not good at introspection I couldn't understand the depth of his philosophy. Due to that he thought I have broken his trust by talking to other gender. I know I am talking casually without any feelings. I tried a lot to explain him but he is not ready to accept it. Now he is saying I have changed & I expect you to not break my trust again. And also he has admitted that its a genetic issue that he was a suspicious mindset like his father with whom we were staying earlier days of our marriage, We got married in a spiritual institution. Due to the struggle & pain he went through in the cult he left the cult & became an atheist & now he wants me to leave it. I am very stubborn & an independent lady, I love him but due to such forcing behavior of him, many times I have threatened him to go for a divorce. But my mind & heart doesn't allow me to separate from him & meanwhile my heart is not allowing me to leave the spiritual practice which gives me the inner peace & an ultimate happiness. Please guide. I am completely confused.

Ans: Dear Pramila,
Let's get some facts straight here:
1. Spirituality does not force any ideologies or binds you to it. So, if you feel forced by any spiritual practice, then let it go...BUT if it gives you something of value in return, by all means pursue it.

2. When your husband admitted that his mistrusting nature must be genetic, are you actually going to believe that? It's a choice that he has made to not want to trust you

3. What trust has been broken according to him? The fact that you spoke with someone of the opposite gender? For all the independence that you talk of, how free and liberated do you feel here?

Yes, i do agree it takes a moment to make the decision to break a relationship but certainly if you want to continue, you may want to reset the boundaries and use your stubborn nature to be assertive as you nurture the relationship. But do become aware that it works both ways. So if your husband is still playing the blame-game, you might want to rework how to be your own person, have your thoughts and ideas and yet be a part of the marriage. Watch his reactions and if it's still regressive, you have a lot of work to do there!

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu,I m 32 yr old girl and been married in arrange marriage with a guy he is also 32 it's been one year.He is very harsh to talk to and I get usually very hurt because of his words. I always feel like walking out of this marriage for peace. He is very unromantic and ungrateful. On top of this our views on marriage, togetherness and sex are very different. I never had sex with him till now. And I don't feel like having sex with him. There are many fights between us. The way his mother and father talk I feel stuck in my life.There is no progress in career because constantly we are under tensions. My past relationships were very nice and sweet so I always happened to compare him with my ex in my mind. I don't know what happens to me. When he comes close to me I stop talking breaths. We just cuddle each other and hug but other things like kiss and sex I don't feel to have. Please guide me as soon as possible.
Ans:

Dear RJ,

Is there any reason for not wanting to be sexually intimate?

Most often this is linked to some emotional distress or filters in the mind that you are unaware of and which could be interfering in the two of you coming closer together.

A good round of talks with your partner can help you express your exact feelings to him.

What is bothering you, what you feel you don’t receive from him, why is it that you are unable to reciprocate…these are a few things that you can discuss with him.

Also, spending quality time together can ease and spruce up things a bit.

Most often, we love throwing our feelings under the rug pretending that they will go away; but they don’t, they come back to haunt you at times that you least expect them to.

So, when you feel stuck, think of what you can do to get un-stuck? What are all things that you can think, feel and do to free yourself so that you not only feel good, but you also start to focus on things that matter; like for example your career.

Comparing one human to the another and expecting them to change and be someone else; could this be one of the reasons for you to not want the sexual intimacy?

Sex is one of the dimensions in a marriage and it can bring the couple closer.

So rather than thinking of what is going wrong, focus on how you can make things work and enable your partner to join this journey of bringing back finer and joyful moments in a marriage.

Be happy!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 20, 2021

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Relationship
Dear Anu, I would like to discuss about a problem in my married life with you. Me and my husband had a love marriage 21 years ago. Before our marriage also my husband had many relationships and affairs but since he was very true about everything and he promised to change things, we married. Though, our family was a happy one and we have two grown up kids also, everything seems OK from outside. But actually, my husband has had many affairs after our marriage also. He has never left his habit of impressing females around him, it may be his colleagues or some common friends etc.. and I always come across some or the other female in his life. Some of the affairs have been so serious that they even went ahead and spent days and nights together. Every time, I discover some affair, he admits his mistake and tells me to move on, but he never believes in correcting his mistakes and either continues with the affair or finds a new partner. I have lost all trust in him but since I am not earning and have two grown up kids and also love him a lot, can't think of separation. I have tried confronting him though but he gets angry always and blames me for spoiling our family life and not moving on. Also, would like to accept that he is very supportive in family matters, loves his family a lot, is very dedicated to his work and to his kids, he is very empathetic towards people, helps everyone but needs his own space too. I am completely confused about what should I do. I am unable to trust him for anything and we keep arguing over smallest things. Hope you will reply to me. Thanks.
Ans: Dear TT, I can only imagine what you must be going through.

Since you want to continue in the marriage, that choice is something I presume that has emerged after a lot of thought and I respect it.

The way this marriage will work is communicate clearly to him that his philandering ways have to stop as it is affecting you and the marriage.

If this doesn’t work, he seriously needs help in dealing with this…sometimes people don’t realise that they are jeopardizing their marriages.

I am not defending him but simply stating that sometimes people get themselves into a trap of not so useful situations and quite don’t know how to get out of it.

Also, what he might gain from so many extra marital relationships is something that he needs to find in other ways rather than swaying outside of the marriage.

This requires him to work with an expert as he will most likely not yield to your requests like in the past. Mere talking will not be enough; he possibly needs intensive therapy.

This will help him reunite with his family that he loves so much and he can be around completely without having to seek pleasure outside eroding the foundation of marriage.

As he seems to get better, it’s time for you to live your life as well, right?

What is it that you haven’t done in years? What is it that you gave up after marriage or after having kids?

What excites you enough for you to step up for yourself and create your own happiness? Simply DO THAT.

This will help you get back on your feet; who knows you might discover something that actually may end up becoming a money generator as well!

I wish you the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1576 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hai Anu I am a 40 year old woman living separate from my husband ,divorce proceedings ongoing after a long 12 years of believing his lies of making our life beautiful..now last two years he cheated me and my mother financially..he pledged my car without my permission to two people at a time and finally now I lost the car..he has built himself a large debt of nearing 1 crore..this was never forget me or my two girl kids ..we don't own a house nor did he buy us a car ..car I am using now is the one I have purchased on loan..I'm a Bank manager myself..my life is very frustrating and there was less physical relationship and finally he has asked me to use my fingers ..and after getting to know he has even borrowed money from my colleague I filed for divorce and already two hearings are over . I can never ever trust such a fraud who dared to put my signature in stamp paper while pledging my car.. and in the court I have made it very clear my decision of not going back to him but he keeps calling me and my colleagues daily and finally i had to block him.even in my office phone also he calls and i blocked him there also..I'm a person who wanted a beautiful partnership and family.this man destroyed everything..he don't even have a decent job and it was me who gave for his livelihood also ,then also he cheated me without any regret..now the situation is I had a class mate who is already divorced and he was a pillar of support for me during this crisis and eventually i fell for him and confessed my love for him..now he don't believe in marriage and I want a marriage.either him or no one else is my line of thought..what can I do to get him believe in marriage institution again..he too have confessed his feelings for me..after divorce I need a supportive partner ,I don't want to be alone in life..Anu please advise am I correct in my approach to life or not?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's unfortunate that you had to go through what you did.
But time to look ahead and far ahead. If your classmate is not a believer in marriage, what can you do? Convincing someone will go against their belief systems and this will go against you. Being divorced, there are wounds and fears that he carries that makes him have this belief. Let it be...Let him figure it out over time...
Focus on spending more time together; someday the two of you may want to be married. Do not hasten the process, it will not be a good idea. Let him flow with his thoughts and feel comfort and trust in you. So, simply think of spending quality time together keeping thoughts of marriage aside for the time being.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi sir, I am 34 year women with 2 girl kids. I m working in IT and I earn good amount of livelihood. Sir I hv been married for 6 years and after 1 year of marriage me and my husband understanding issue started where he wants to dominate on me in all senses including financial stuff. But I was okay n in 1 year my 1st daughter born then serious issue started I had rejoined job n discontinued giving all my salary to him. I started savings for my kid where he was nt happy he indirectly demanded my complete salary to be given to him as I did before issue start. Bt in 2020 as lockdown happened he moved to his village where It was very difficult for me to work bt demanded to come to his place. I denied and concentrate my career. So he left us 2 years he did call n check how is kid. Then again he came back 2022 with elders we moved to together to city and again asked money as my sal was increased if nt asked me to barrow 50-60lac as loan n give to him for property which he agreed to make it my name in his place. Bt I denied bc I couldn't trust him meanwhile 2nd daughter born. I came for mother place n he started doing backstabbing abt me n my family within relatives. When I asked he stopped coming visiting me n my daughter and he turn up for 2 baby also it's been year now. Sir my question is ..I m fed up of his behaviour n I dont trust him. As I hv two kids is it really difficult to live without him in this society. As many of my relatives are suggesting go and call ur him how can you live alone with 2 daughter. Sir pls guide me what should I do now ..I tolerate him all these years for kids and society. Now I m done n scared as will I be able to handle all alone. My parents are big support and now I m nt in condition where I go legally against him. Is my decision of living by myself with my daughters and parents is correct or wrong decision or I should go with him.
Ans: Your situation is indeed complex and emotionally taxing. It's important to approach this with both clarity and compassion for yourself and your daughters. Here are some steps and considerations to help you navigate this:

Self-Reflection and Clarity
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s essential to recognize your feelings of frustration, fear, and exhaustion. These emotions are valid and need to be addressed.
Define Your Priorities: What are your primary concerns? Your children’s well-being, your financial independence, your personal peace, and safety are likely at the top of this list.
Evaluating Your Relationship
Assess Trust and Respect: Trust and mutual respect are fundamental to any relationship. If these are missing, it is challenging to maintain a healthy partnership.
Past Behaviors as Indicators: Look at the past behavior of your husband. Consistent demands for money, lack of support, and absence during critical times can be telling signs of his priorities and commitment.
Support System
Lean on Your Parents: Having your parents’ support is a significant advantage. They can provide emotional, physical, and perhaps even financial support as you navigate this period.
Professional Help: Consider seeking counseling or support groups for single mothers. These resources can provide guidance, emotional support, and practical advice.
Societal Pressure
Redefine Norms: Society often has rigid expectations, but your well-being and that of your children come first. Living according to societal norms at the cost of your mental peace and safety is not sustainable.
Role Models: Look for examples of other women who have successfully managed similar situations. Their stories can offer inspiration and practical advice.
Legal and Financial Considerations
Know Your Rights: Even if you’re not in a position to take legal action now, it’s essential to be informed about your rights regarding child support and alimony.
Financial Independence: Continue to safeguard your financial independence. This will provide security and stability for you and your daughters.
Decision Making
Short-Term vs. Long-Term: Think about both immediate needs and long-term goals. What decision will bring peace and stability now, and what will be beneficial in the future?
Children’s Well-Being: Consider the environment your children will grow up in. A peaceful, loving environment, even if it’s without their father, might be more beneficial than a toxic, conflict-ridden one.
Practical Steps
Document Everything: Keep records of communications and financial transactions. This documentation can be crucial if you decide to pursue legal action in the future.
Plan for Independence: Create a plan for your independent living situation, including budgeting, childcare, and career progression.
Final Thoughts
Choosing to live independently with your daughters is a courageous and often necessary step for many women in similar situations. Trust in your strength and the support of your parents. It’s important to remember that living a life of peace and dignity, even if it means being a single parent, is a powerful and positive example for your children.

You are not alone in this journey. Seek the support you need, trust your instincts, and prioritize your and your children’s well-being above all.

..Read more

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Mayank Chandel  |2167 Answers  |Ask -

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8191 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 05, 2025

Money
Hi sir thnku in advance. I am 28M,working in central govt job. It has just been one year and I plan on retiring very early around a 35 years of age. I have nps tier 1 account due to the job. I just have one query since I don't plan on marrying and I am alone with my own home. My expenses are max 18k per month. I hardly travel and live a very frugal life. So my query if I resign at 35 years then will 50 lakhs will sustain me for 15 years keeping in mind the inflation and my return as 7% on an average.
Ans: Your question shows rare clarity at a young age. You are just 28. But you already have a defined vision to retire by 35. That is highly appreciable. Many at this age are still unsure of financial direction.

Let us now assess your question in detail.

You asked whether Rs 50 lakhs will last 15 years, post retirement at 35.

Let us evaluate your financial journey from all angles.

Understanding Your Present Situation

You work in a central government job. That offers job security. And also an NPS Tier 1 account.

You live frugally. Your monthly expense is only Rs 18,000. That is extremely disciplined.

You have your own home. So no rent or EMI outgo. This reduces your future cost burden.

You do not plan to marry. So your financial responsibilities are only for yourself.

You plan to retire at 35. That means only 7 more years of active income.

After 35, you want Rs 50 lakhs corpus to sustain you for 15 years.

That means till age 50, you want to live from this corpus.

Now let us move step-by-step to assess sustainability.

Assessing Expense Inflation Over Time

Right now, your expense is Rs 18,000 per month.

Even a frugal person cannot avoid inflation.

Prices of food, electricity, health, etc. will go up.

Inflation over 15 years cannot be ignored.

Even if inflation is modest, say 6%, your expense will rise gradually.

By year 10 or 15, your Rs 18,000 monthly expense may double.

That will need a higher withdrawal from your corpus.

So corpus sustainability depends on how inflation is planned for.

Evaluating Return Assumption

You assume 7% average return on corpus.

This is realistic if money is well invested.

You must avoid only FDs or savings accounts.

To get 7% post-tax, proper asset allocation is needed.

Mutual funds can help here.

Especially, actively managed funds with a Certified Financial Planner.

Avoid index funds. They just copy the index.

Index funds do not give downside protection in bear markets.

They also underperform during volatile sideways markets.

Index funds have no fund manager taking active decisions.

Whereas actively managed funds adapt to market cycles.

A qualified CFP can help select suitable active funds.

Regular plans through a CFP give ongoing guidance.

Direct funds may look cheaper, but lack this support.

Direct funds are like self-medication. Risky without expert view.

Regular plans have a small fee, but offer long-term peace.

Corpus Withdrawal Planning

Your Rs 50 lakh must support monthly cash flow.

Even if you start withdrawing Rs 18,000 monthly, over time it will increase.

You need a withdrawal strategy.

You can follow a staggered withdrawal.

That means only taking what is needed each year.

Rest of the money keeps earning.

It also helps reduce tax burden.

But you must track how much you withdraw each year.

And ensure it grows in line with inflation.

If not planned well, corpus may finish earlier.

So withdrawal plan should be dynamic, not fixed.

A Certified Financial Planner can help prepare such a roadmap.

Emergency and Health Preparedness

You are alone. That means no support system in emergencies.

You must keep some contingency fund aside.

At least 12 months of expenses, i.e., about Rs 2.5 lakhs.

This should be liquid. Like in sweep-in FDs or ultra-short debt funds.

Also, ensure you have a strong health insurance policy.

Healthcare cost rises faster than inflation.

Even a single surgery or hospitalisation can dent your corpus.

Do not rely on employer health cover post resignation.

Buy your own health insurance before retirement.

Choose Rs 20–30 lakh cover. Preferably with a super top-up.

Keep paying its premium from a separate health corpus if needed.

If you stay healthy and insurance unused, that is a blessing.

But if not, it will safeguard your financial independence.

Psychological Readiness for Early Retirement

Financial numbers are only part of the journey.

Are you ready for non-financial changes post-retirement?

How will you keep yourself engaged from age 35 to 50?

No daily job, no team, no deadlines. That may feel strange.

Mental health and social belonging are also essential.

Plan for what you will do post retirement.

Hobbies, part-time work, teaching, or creative work.

Something that gives meaning to your day.

Else early retirement may feel empty after some years.

Personal fulfilment is important, not just financial planning.

Tax Implication of Your Investments

Returns from equity mutual funds have a new rule.

Long-term capital gain (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

This affects how you redeem funds.

Withdraw strategically to reduce tax.

Do not withdraw large amounts in one go unless needed.

Spread withdrawals over financial years.

Plan investments so equity and debt are balanced.

This helps with tax and market stability.

NPS Tier 1 – How It Helps

You already have NPS Tier 1 account.

You can continue it even after quitting job.

But withdrawals are restricted before age 60.

You can withdraw only 20% before 60 if not annuitised.

So it may not be useful for your 35–50 needs.

But it can be your backup after 60.

So continue it. Don’t touch now.

Let it grow. It adds to your retirement safety.

It cannot be your main retirement plan for early years.

How You Should Build Rs 50 Lakh Corpus

You have 7 years left to save.

That is a short horizon for such a big goal.

You must save aggressively now.

Keep lifestyle minimal, as you already are doing.

Avoid unnecessary gadgets, dining, or gadgets.

Every rupee saved now compounds for your future.

Invest in a well-planned mutual fund portfolio.

Include large cap, mid cap, and flexi cap funds.

Avoid thematic or sectoral funds. Too risky for main corpus.

Also add short-duration debt funds for stability.

Review this plan once a year with your CFP.

Increase SIPs with each salary hike.

Also allocate your yearly bonus fully into investments.

Rs 50 lakh target is tough but possible with discipline.

Asset Allocation Approach

Corpus should not be 100% in equity or 100% in debt.

A balanced approach is better.

Early years of retirement can bear some equity.

Later years should gradually shift to debt.

This is called glide path strategy.

Helps avoid sequence of returns risk.

If market crashes in year 1 or 2, your corpus shrinks fast.

So first 3 years’ expenses should be in debt.

Remaining in equity-debt mix as per risk profile.

Rebalancing is important each year.

Do not ignore this step.

It controls risk and improves return consistency.

Finally

Rs 50 lakhs can last for 15 years if:

You invest it wisely.

Withdraw in a disciplined way.

Factor in inflation, taxes, and health cost.

Keep emergency corpus aside.

Stay insured for health and critical illness.

Engage yourself meaningfully post-retirement.

Review your plan annually with a Certified Financial Planner.

Early retirement is not a one-time plan.

It is a living strategy that needs updates.

You are on the right path.

Stay focused. Stay simple.

And always seek guidance when needed.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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