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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |368 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 24, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am a 38 year old male working in an IT firm and having a good earnings. I am married and with a girl daughter 8 years old. I have cleared all my debts and also am saving for my daughter's future studies and life. I have this wired feeling of what if my earning stops, what if I lose my job, what if I die early 40s. Etc.. I get such random thoughts and get into a low phase.. Besides I am doing good at work and also trying keep my health in a decent shape . But these random thoughts is not so good and I get depressed cos of it for some time.. is this normal for male getting into 40s ? I don't have much friends whom I can share and don't want to share this with my wife as I feel she might get sad too..

Ans: It's quite common for individuals approaching their 40s to experience concerns about their future, financial stability, and health. This period, sometimes referred to as a midlife transition, often brings about a re-evaluation of life goals, achievements, and concerns about mortality.

Firstly, it's important to recognize that these feelings are normal and shared by many people. You're at a life stage where responsibilities often increase, and the realization that life is finite becomes more prominent. Acknowledging that these thoughts are common can be a reassuring first step.

Financial security can play a significant role in mitigating these anxieties. Ensuring that you have a solid emergency fund, sufficient insurance coverage, and a well-thought-out financial plan for the future can provide a sense of security. Given that you've already cleared your debts and are saving for your daughter's future, you're on the right track. Consider consulting a financial advisor to further solidify your financial plans.

In terms of job security, staying updated with industry trends, continuously learning new skills, and networking within your field can help you feel more secure about your career prospects. This proactive approach can also provide you with a sense of control over your professional life.

Maintaining your health is another crucial factor. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and routine medical check-ups can help you stay healthy and reduce health-related anxieties. Mental health is equally important; practices such as mindfulness, meditation, or even talking to a therapist can help manage stress and anxiety.

It's also important to have a support system. While you might not want to share your concerns with your wife to avoid making her anxious, finding a confidant or a therapist to talk to can be very beneficial. They can provide a different perspective and offer support.

Lastly, try to focus on the positive aspects of your life. Reflect on your achievements, the stability you've created for your family, and the goals you've set for the future. Engaging in hobbies and activities that you enjoy can also provide a healthy distraction from these worries.

In summary, your feelings are normal and can be managed through financial planning, career development, maintaining physical and mental health, and seeking support when needed. Remember, taking proactive steps towards these aspects of your life can greatly reduce anxiety and help you feel more in control.
Asked on - May 24, 2024 | Answered on Aug 08, 2024
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Many thanks this really helps..
Ans: pleasure

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1208 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 18, 2021

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Hello Anu, I am 41 and working with a MNC in Mumbai. Since last few months, I am facing some mental health issues like mild depression especially during early morning hours. On professional front, i am doing good but yes, it's hectic because of continuous meetings etc. Not able to figure out actually why I am feeling depressed. Can you please comment/advice?
Ans: Mild depression? Have you been clinically diagnosed or is it self-diagnosis?

Virtual working and/or remote working can bring with it a number of challenges; one being fatigue.

This can cause poor quality of sleep that can result in a low state of mind. This is perhaps what might be happening.

Also, being at home long hours and also due to the uncertainties that we are all facing can pull down the general mood of anyone.

This isn’t depression (unless and until clinically evaluated), but simply a contextual response from the body.

Create rituals to beat this. Since this happens during the early morning hours, make sure that you switch off all electronic gadgets at least a couple of hours before you sleep.

Eat at least 3 hours before you sleep and eat a lighter meal.

Exercise every day for at least 40 minutes and laugh a lot.

Connect with people who empower you. And most importantly, do express gratitude every day.

Feel thankful for what you have and what you are. Also, do what you love; maybe a hobby for a little time every day.

These empowering rituals can get your mood back on track and you will wake up feeling thankful for the day up ahead and also ensure that you can impact your circle of influence at home and at office as well.

Choose your state of mind, let it not choose you. All the best!

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Anu Krishna  |1208 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 09, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 30, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am a 53 years old male, lost my loving wife last year who was 46, I do have 2 kids who are into higher studies now aged 22 and 18, off late have been feeling very lonely and upset and have not been able to forget my late wife, life seems to be too useless now. Many a times i think of having a new partner for the rest of my life then these feelings also die down. Am quiet worried as to how I will be able to live second half of my life as sooner or later the children will be busy in their own lives, what to do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly sorry for your loss...
The journey of grief is so different for each person and you can feel alright on one day and devastated on another day...Give your self ample time to grieve and speak about her; it will be painful but the more you allow yourself to speak about her, you will notice that you are closer to accepting the fact of your loss...it is a journey, so do take your time...
But in the meantime, do make sure that you do take help in the form of a support system of your family and friends. Yes, they do have their own lives but I am sure that they will step in kindly when it is required.
Also, you might find that you socially isolate yourself and move away from everything that used to give you joy. You must find a way of getting back to all of those things reminding yourself that you must live your life too...this is initially a way of filling the vacuum, but soon you will find that it does more that just distract you.

Finding another life partner is a decision that is yours to make; but I will suggest that you heal from the loss and then if and when you feel the time is right, you may seek a life partner. But right now, all you will do is find a huge respite to fill in your loneliness and not be able to form a connection with that person. So, take care of yourself first, heal well and then slowly make life-altering decisions.

All the best...I am sure you can do this!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |368 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am 40 year old female with 15y/o son. Me and my husband together earn 40L/Annum. We have a house in Bangalore. Multiple properties in home town. Built a net worth of 5 crore. 20 lakhs FD. A liability of 32k per month for home loan for next 2 years. We could able to build this from zero just because I had an on-site opportunity for couple of years and I am very good in savings, no impulse buy. We don’t have other commitments and also investment. Now, I have started investing SIPs also, but don’t have that much knowledge in MF Sometimes, I feel like I don’t want to invest anymore and enjoy my life spending. Sometimes I am scared. I have achieved more than my limit financially. I have not made much friends in this period, I have very few genuine friends. Now I don’t know how to shift the gear from hear, I do self care and also do house hold work but somewhere I am not fully content as I lack social life. My relationship with my husband also good. We do fight very often and we both disconnect from each other at that time and later we realise and we connect back. At that time my husband ignores me. I feel hurt. In office, I have a professional commitment and I do my work as per need only. Don’t want to overdo. Not interested in taking up challenging role. I do my work, have lunch and tea with known colleagues and chitchat and comeback. Please guide me how I should make my life interesting. I have a fear of loosing people. I am an introvert. I cry a lot for small things. I feel like I have anxiety, depression, loneliness.
Ans: It's wonderful to see how much you've achieved financially and professionally. Your discipline and hard work have clearly paid off. However, it's equally important to focus on your emotional and social well-being to lead a fulfilling life.

First, it's important to acknowledge and validate your feelings. It's natural to feel a mix of satisfaction and uncertainty after reaching significant milestones. Many people experience a sense of "what's next?" after achieving their goals. This is a good time to explore new areas of personal growth and fulfillment.

One area to consider is your social life. While you have a few genuine friends, expanding your social circle could bring new joy and perspectives into your life. This doesn’t mean you have to force yourself into uncomfortable social situations. Start with small steps, like joining a club or group that interests you, whether it's a book club, a fitness class, or a hobby group. Engaging in activities you enjoy can naturally lead to making new friends.

Regarding your relationship with your husband, it's common for couples to have disagreements. However, the pattern of disconnecting and reconnecting might benefit from more effective communication strategies. Consider setting aside time to talk openly about your feelings and needs when you're both calm. Couples therapy can also provide a safe space to improve your communication and strengthen your connection.

At work, it’s okay to not want to take on more challenging roles if you feel content with your current position. However, if you find yourself feeling unfulfilled, it might be worth exploring what aspects of your job do bring you satisfaction and how you can incorporate more of those elements into your daily routine.

Finally, your tendency to cry easily and feel anxious could be signs of underlying emotional strain. It might be helpful to speak with a therapist who can provide you with tools to manage these emotions and explore any deeper issues that might be contributing to these feelings.

Remember, it’s perfectly okay to seek help and invest time in your emotional health. Balancing your impressive financial success with personal happiness and fulfilling relationships can lead to a more holistic sense of well-being. Take small steps towards expanding your social network, improving communication with your husband, and addressing your emotional health. These changes can make a significant difference in your overall satisfaction and happiness.

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Latest Questions
Pushpa

Pushpa R  |11 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Oct 17, 2024

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I am a diabetic with HbA1C 7.4. I feel very sleepy after the breakfast, which I take around 10-10:30 AM. Also, I feel not so fresh when I get up in the morning. Infact getting up in the morning is a struggle. I generally sleep around 11 PM. How to avoid this sluggishness during the day. I do regular exercise Yoga or Walk for 30 min atleast 5 times a week. I have a feeling that I am becoming hypoglycemic during the night and that is what causing this sleepiness during the day. Quality of night sleep is reasonably ok. However, I get once during the night for urination. Please advise on my condition.
Ans: Feeling sleepy after breakfast and struggling to wake up in the morning can be linked to several factors, especially in diabetics. Here are some insights and tips to help manage your symptoms:

Possible Nocturnal Hypoglycemia: If your blood sugar drops during the night, it can affect the quality of your sleep and lead to morning sluggishness. You could try having a glass of milk before bed to help maintain blood sugar levels overnight. Consult your doctor to monitor glucose levels more closely.

Post-Breakfast Sleepiness: The type of breakfast you have might be causing a blood sugar spike, followed by a crash. Opt for a balanced meal with complex carbs, protein, and fiber to prevent rapid sugar fluctuations. Avoid sugary or processed foods that can cause drowsiness.

Sleep Quality and Schedule: Although you sleep around 11 PM, if your sleep quality is compromised (like waking up for urination), it may not be fully restorative. Try to reduce fluid intake an hour before bed, and consult a healthcare professional to address frequent urination.

Morning Exercise: Doing yoga or walking earlier in the day, particularly in the morning, can boost your energy levels and reduce daytime sluggishness.

Check with a Doctor: It’s important to discuss the possibility of hypoglycemia and other metabolic factors with your doctor, especially considering your diabetes and HbA1C levels. Adjusting your medication, diet, or routine may be necessary.

Combining balanced meals, consistent exercise, and good sleep hygiene should help reduce the sluggishness you're experiencing during the day.

R. Pushpa, M.Sc (Yoga)
Online Yoga & Meditation Coach
Radiant YogaVibes
https://www.instagram.com/pushpa_radiantyogavibes/

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