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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 24, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am a 38 year old male working in an IT firm and having a good earnings. I am married and with a girl daughter 8 years old. I have cleared all my debts and also am saving for my daughter's future studies and life. I have this wired feeling of what if my earning stops, what if I lose my job, what if I die early 40s. Etc.. I get such random thoughts and get into a low phase.. Besides I am doing good at work and also trying keep my health in a decent shape . But these random thoughts is not so good and I get depressed cos of it for some time.. is this normal for male getting into 40s ? I don't have much friends whom I can share and don't want to share this with my wife as I feel she might get sad too..

Ans: It's quite common for individuals approaching their 40s to experience concerns about their future, financial stability, and health. This period, sometimes referred to as a midlife transition, often brings about a re-evaluation of life goals, achievements, and concerns about mortality.

Firstly, it's important to recognize that these feelings are normal and shared by many people. You're at a life stage where responsibilities often increase, and the realization that life is finite becomes more prominent. Acknowledging that these thoughts are common can be a reassuring first step.

Financial security can play a significant role in mitigating these anxieties. Ensuring that you have a solid emergency fund, sufficient insurance coverage, and a well-thought-out financial plan for the future can provide a sense of security. Given that you've already cleared your debts and are saving for your daughter's future, you're on the right track. Consider consulting a financial advisor to further solidify your financial plans.

In terms of job security, staying updated with industry trends, continuously learning new skills, and networking within your field can help you feel more secure about your career prospects. This proactive approach can also provide you with a sense of control over your professional life.

Maintaining your health is another crucial factor. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and routine medical check-ups can help you stay healthy and reduce health-related anxieties. Mental health is equally important; practices such as mindfulness, meditation, or even talking to a therapist can help manage stress and anxiety.

It's also important to have a support system. While you might not want to share your concerns with your wife to avoid making her anxious, finding a confidant or a therapist to talk to can be very beneficial. They can provide a different perspective and offer support.

Lastly, try to focus on the positive aspects of your life. Reflect on your achievements, the stability you've created for your family, and the goals you've set for the future. Engaging in hobbies and activities that you enjoy can also provide a healthy distraction from these worries.

In summary, your feelings are normal and can be managed through financial planning, career development, maintaining physical and mental health, and seeking support when needed. Remember, taking proactive steps towards these aspects of your life can greatly reduce anxiety and help you feel more in control.
Asked on - May 24, 2024 | Answered on Aug 08, 2024
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Many thanks this really helps..
Ans: pleasure

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Anu

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 09, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 30, 2023Hindi
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Hi, I am a 53 years old male, lost my loving wife last year who was 46, I do have 2 kids who are into higher studies now aged 22 and 18, off late have been feeling very lonely and upset and have not been able to forget my late wife, life seems to be too useless now. Many a times i think of having a new partner for the rest of my life then these feelings also die down. Am quiet worried as to how I will be able to live second half of my life as sooner or later the children will be busy in their own lives, what to do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly sorry for your loss...
The journey of grief is so different for each person and you can feel alright on one day and devastated on another day...Give your self ample time to grieve and speak about her; it will be painful but the more you allow yourself to speak about her, you will notice that you are closer to accepting the fact of your loss...it is a journey, so do take your time...
But in the meantime, do make sure that you do take help in the form of a support system of your family and friends. Yes, they do have their own lives but I am sure that they will step in kindly when it is required.
Also, you might find that you socially isolate yourself and move away from everything that used to give you joy. You must find a way of getting back to all of those things reminding yourself that you must live your life too...this is initially a way of filling the vacuum, but soon you will find that it does more that just distract you.

Finding another life partner is a decision that is yours to make; but I will suggest that you heal from the loss and then if and when you feel the time is right, you may seek a life partner. But right now, all you will do is find a huge respite to fill in your loneliness and not be able to form a connection with that person. So, take care of yourself first, heal well and then slowly make life-altering decisions.

All the best...I am sure you can do this!

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am 40 year old female with 15y/o son. Me and my husband together earn 40L/Annum. We have a house in Bangalore. Multiple properties in home town. Built a net worth of 5 crore. 20 lakhs FD. A liability of 32k per month for home loan for next 2 years. We could able to build this from zero just because I had an on-site opportunity for couple of years and I am very good in savings, no impulse buy. We don’t have other commitments and also investment. Now, I have started investing SIPs also, but don’t have that much knowledge in MF Sometimes, I feel like I don’t want to invest anymore and enjoy my life spending. Sometimes I am scared. I have achieved more than my limit financially. I have not made much friends in this period, I have very few genuine friends. Now I don’t know how to shift the gear from hear, I do self care and also do house hold work but somewhere I am not fully content as I lack social life. My relationship with my husband also good. We do fight very often and we both disconnect from each other at that time and later we realise and we connect back. At that time my husband ignores me. I feel hurt. In office, I have a professional commitment and I do my work as per need only. Don’t want to overdo. Not interested in taking up challenging role. I do my work, have lunch and tea with known colleagues and chitchat and comeback. Please guide me how I should make my life interesting. I have a fear of loosing people. I am an introvert. I cry a lot for small things. I feel like I have anxiety, depression, loneliness.
Ans: It's wonderful to see how much you've achieved financially and professionally. Your discipline and hard work have clearly paid off. However, it's equally important to focus on your emotional and social well-being to lead a fulfilling life.

First, it's important to acknowledge and validate your feelings. It's natural to feel a mix of satisfaction and uncertainty after reaching significant milestones. Many people experience a sense of "what's next?" after achieving their goals. This is a good time to explore new areas of personal growth and fulfillment.

One area to consider is your social life. While you have a few genuine friends, expanding your social circle could bring new joy and perspectives into your life. This doesn’t mean you have to force yourself into uncomfortable social situations. Start with small steps, like joining a club or group that interests you, whether it's a book club, a fitness class, or a hobby group. Engaging in activities you enjoy can naturally lead to making new friends.

Regarding your relationship with your husband, it's common for couples to have disagreements. However, the pattern of disconnecting and reconnecting might benefit from more effective communication strategies. Consider setting aside time to talk openly about your feelings and needs when you're both calm. Couples therapy can also provide a safe space to improve your communication and strengthen your connection.

At work, it’s okay to not want to take on more challenging roles if you feel content with your current position. However, if you find yourself feeling unfulfilled, it might be worth exploring what aspects of your job do bring you satisfaction and how you can incorporate more of those elements into your daily routine.

Finally, your tendency to cry easily and feel anxious could be signs of underlying emotional strain. It might be helpful to speak with a therapist who can provide you with tools to manage these emotions and explore any deeper issues that might be contributing to these feelings.

Remember, it’s perfectly okay to seek help and invest time in your emotional health. Balancing your impressive financial success with personal happiness and fulfilling relationships can lead to a more holistic sense of well-being. Take small steps towards expanding your social network, improving communication with your husband, and addressing your emotional health. These changes can make a significant difference in your overall satisfaction and happiness.

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Prof Suvasish

Prof Suvasish Mukhopadhyay  |341 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 28, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 24, 2025Hindi
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Career
Dear Professor I am 53 years old. Happily married having grown up kids 23 and 19. Recently I lost my job and unable to find a new one. It has been three months I am very scared of my future although I have savings of approximately 1.80 crore and a nice house. My elder son is in the final stages of settling abroad and my younger one will also follow him. I am afraid with little savings and kids settling abroad how I will survive and who will look after me in our old age? Now I also feel guilty about looking after my aged parents living with my divorced sister at my ancestral place although they are financially well off. I was very enthusiastic and successful in my career but since I lost my job I have also lost my confidence and zeal in life. I am feeling very low. I was already on medication for stress and hypertension before I lost my job. Please advise.
Ans: In Indian Scenario your saving is not bad provided you don't have any educational loan for your children. If you keep 1.8 Crores in SBI as a FD you will get per month approx interest INR-123000/- per month, though IT will be applicable. It's not a good amount if I consider a good life style. But I suggest you to find a new job and connect different people in LINKEDIN. What is your qualification? What kind of job you were doing? Let me know all the details related to your job profile. I can imagine your situation. It is just like thrown from an aircraft in high altitude without parachute. Insecurity is very natural. Please furnish the details so that I can guide you in a better way. Don't break down. Everything will be OK, it's a matter of time. Best of luck. Professor..............................:)

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Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 24, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I have been married for more than 3 weeks. And I don't like my husband. I didn't like him before the marriage and it was very clear to my family tht I didn't like him. But my parents forced me to get married to him and it was my fault tht I couldn't prioritise my feelings. I considered what would happen to them if I called off the engagement. And after being married I have been more than depressed. My parents keeps telling what I should do. I don't let him touch me since I don't like him I asked him for some time and on the 2nd day he made a huge issue in my family telling them that I don't let him touch me. I started to resent him after this. Everyone around me keeps on telling Me that he will go abroad in 2 weeks so I should do whatever a wife does. it's been 3 weeks and continuous arguments. I'm so sad. I'm scared of what would happen if I leave this marriage. I can't stay in my own family because they would treat me so bad. I would have to stay alone. Thinking about the uncertain future and consequences am not able to do anything. Am stuck in this miserable situation.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
For sure, it's difficult to be physically intimate with someone that you do not fancy and he is being silly in making this public. Rather than winning you over, he's making it a public issue to gain sympathy which his highly immature.
Now, I am going to give you an example that you may not like.
Eg: You have to live in Japan for 2 years and you do not like that cuisine. But eventually you realize that 2 years is a long time and then you actually start enjoying the food by looking at what's nice in it; healthy, light, good on the heart etc.

It's the same here. You may have gotten forced into the marriage. But it's just 3 weeks. Give it time...NO, you do not have to engage in any physical intimacy with him right away; but at least try to get to know him...maybe someday you might start to appreciate his good qualities, yeah? See, if this is possible in the short time that you have...it's just about having an open mind. Marriages are easy to break, think hard on this one.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 27, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 34, unmarried, in a relationship with my boyfriend for 14 years. He comes from an orthodox family where his father makes all the decisions in the house. He recently had a bypass surgery so everyone is extremely careful not to do or say anything that might cause him distress. All my life I have known my guy as my best friend and soulmate. After much counselling, my parents have also agreed but his father has simply refused to accept our relationship. He doesn't even want to talk about it. My BF has tried all possible ways to introduce me and his mother and sister sometimes text me as well empathising with my situation. Meanwhile, my parents are worried that I am getting old and there is no point in waiting to marry someone who can't convince his father. They feel that even if I were to marry him, I won't be happy. I understand where my parents come from. I am their only daughter. My dad is 70, has health issues and he wants to see me as a happy bride. I feel very stuck, guilty and helpless in the situation. Please suggest what is the right thing to do? Should I wait to marry the guy I love the most? Should I stay single? Or find someone else according to my parents?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are 34! Maybe it's time to take decisions for yourself? And to actually be careful what will happen to his father is sadly a form of soft blackmail. What exactly does your boyfriend have to say about all of this? Does he have any thoughts on how to be married to you or is he going to wait until his father comes around? I would really want you to know what's going on in your boyfriend's mind. It will tell you a lot..

All the best!
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Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025
Relationship
I am 52, mother of a daughter and son. Daughter is married and has two kids. My son is only 23. He is in love with a Bengali woman who is 12 years elder to him. I have met her briefly when my son invited her to a family event. He was laughing and cuddling up to her in front of all our guests much to our embarassment. I am a modern woman who has no qualms about anyone expressing his/her emotions. However, my concern is that this woman has begun to influence my son in a bad way. He has been partying away, splurging his savings and is now seeking my help to buy a flat in his girlfriend's name. I put my foot down and since then he has stopped talking to me. My daughter tells me that he has blocked me on his phone and social media. He has quit his job and I am worried he is not taking good care of himself. Meanwhile, the girl looks happy and has been spotted with other young guys at various places. I have not disclosed any of this to my son but I want him to know that he is being cheated on before it is too late. He is love sick and all our attempts to talk to him about this have failed. I feel helpless. What can I do to help my son recover from this mess?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
As a mother you are only trying to protect your son. So, find what you can on this woman and yes, your son needs to be shown that he is just being played and is another one of her 'boys'. Maybe then he will come to his senses. In the meantime, as a family try to surround him with love and a lot of care. He is only experimenting outside by rebelling at home OR he could very well be searching for some validation and attention outside. Give that attention to him at home and that will help him circle right back.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 04, 2025Hindi
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I am a single 34 year old man from Delhi, i was always socially anxious and never had a girlfriend, i have worked on my social skills in the past few years and have a stable career thanks to a good pyschatrist who treated me for depression and anxiety and now its under control. I often feel the need of a partner in life but i feel that i don't deserve one because of my past and i cannot handle the responsibility of married life, this makes me feel that i should stay single and adapt to the single life. Another reason is that i earn well enough for myself but not enough to run a family. I feel that if i get married i must give my best to my partner, but i don't want to let her down. Currently i try to save half my salary every month because of this fear. Can you please let me know what i should do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
if you live your life with ifs and buts, that's exactly how your life will turn out; always tentative and with a lot to worry about. Does your past define how things must be now for you? You have changed and also know how to handle things when they don;t go your way. So, no point in doubting things and wondering if they are meant for you or not. It's matter of moving ahead with confidence and also understanding that not everything will work but somethings will and that's good enough. So, be out there and I am sure that someone like-minded will hit it off with you.

All the best!
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Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Dr Nagarajan Jsk

Dr Nagarajan Jsk   |230 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 20, 2024Hindi
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Career
Hello sir , can I move abroad with a BDS degree ?What exams I have to give for qualifying to do job abroad ?
Ans: Yes, you can move forward with a Bachelor of Dental Surgery (BDS). However, to practice and obtain a license, you need to follow the guidelines of the respective country. For example, in the United States, licensure requirements are established by the state board of dentistry, also known as the board of dental examiners or licensing board. While these requirements vary by state and territory, all licensure candidates must meet three basic criteria: educational requirements, a written examination, and a clinical assessment.

1. **Educational Requirement:**
Nearly all states require a Doctor of Dental Surgery (D.D.S.) or a Doctor of Medicine in Dentistry (D.M.D.) degree from a dental education program accredited by the Commission on Dental Accreditation (CODA).

2. **Written Examination:**
All U.S. licensing jurisdictions require applicants to pass the Integrated National Board Dental Examination (INBDE). This examination, developed in response to changes in educational curricula and instructional methods, was launched in August 2020 and replaced the National Board Dental Examination (NBDE) Parts I and II.

3. **Clinical Assessment:**
Most U.S. licensing jurisdictions require applicants for dental licensure to undergo a clinical assessment. Many state boards of dentistry rely on third-party testing agencies to administer this assessment, and acceptance varies by state and territory.

To migrate to a specific country, be sure to collect detailed information from the respective health department's website.
All the best.

Poocho. Life Change Karo!

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Dr Nagarajan Jsk

Dr Nagarajan Jsk   |230 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025Hindi
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Career
My child will be appearing for NEET UG 2025 for the fourth time. Each time his performance has been abysmal, which, I know, is going to be repeated this year too. We have already asked him to move ahead but he is adamant on appearing in NEET which is beyond his calibre. He doesn't have any idea what to do next, has never thought of a Plan B,C or D. Kindly guide as to how plan a career ahead for him. Is there any sort of psychoanalysis to know what is the right study option for him and where to get it done. I can't afford crores of rupees in pvt. medical colleges/abroad .I can take professional assisstance . Kindly give me contact number/ email ID. Thanks.
Ans: Hi Sir,

Don't worry. First, it's important to counsel him.

The health sector is a promising field, which is why I believe your son is so determined to appear for the NEET exam, even though this will be his fourth attempt. It’s natural for him to feel a bit worried. I think he needs to reflect on why he hasn't been able to succeed so far. It's crucial for him to analyze where the problems lie. For example, if he's struggling with chemistry, he should focus more on that subject, as well as the others he finds challenging.

He has a lot of homework to do, including taking mock tests and learning effective strategies rather than just simple ideas.

I have one question: Has he enrolled in any study or coaching center for NEET preparation? If so, it would be beneficial to discuss ways to improve his performance.
If he has prepared himself, kindly approach the best coaching center near your area. For more information about us, you can contact the admin.

Poocho. Life Change Karo!

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