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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1449 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 04, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi i am 36 year's and my partner is 37 we have 2 young kids together. We have been together since almost 9 years. I am hindu and he is muslim we both are not much religious but our families are. We have been having issues continuously from last 4 years as he has been commiting adultery behind my back. He has issues with drinking, gambling girl issues and all this drama has been creating so much anger issues in me. He doesn't care anymore says sorry but again after a while i m faced with the same situation. I hv stopped talking to my inlaws as well coz they blamed me for all his short comings. I just staying in this for my kids, and also as i am not married to him legally i am scared about my kids future. What should i do pls help n guide me?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It looks like a very unstable environment to be in whether it's for your kids or you.
- Do you want to be in this relationship or not?
- If you continue, what are the compromises that you are willing to endure? How will this impact the children?
- If you step out, how will you care for your children and their future?
- Are you financially independent OR do you depend on your partner's income?

These questions will have clarity when you consult with a lawyer who specializes in separation related cases. He/she will be able to guide you with your financial security, what is possible and what is not and this will help you make any decision; especially given the case that the marriage has not been legalized as yet.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1449 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 22, 2022

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Relationship
I am from Hyderabad. Age 40 years old . My name is XY and I’ve been married for 17 years. I have two boys. Ours is a love marriage.I felt like everything will be good and smooth but right after our elder kid was born my life changed. I am an MBA and several times I told my husband that I’d like to work. He said he’d help when the right time and opportunity comes. Until then I should nurture my kids as it's my responsibility and I should support him. But in the 2015, my kid noticed his chats with another lady. I was shocked because many times he’d refused sex with me. We’d get intimate maybe twice or thrice a year. I thought he was busy or maybe he doesn’t like my body. But when I caught him he said, what is over is over. Don't raise the topic. Leave me. I just kept quiet. He said what ever happened, I will be the same for my kids’ future sake. Many quarrels happened. But in 2020 his behaviour came to light. For example if I said anything, he'd punish me by not speaking to me for months. But he'd want me to wash his clothes and fulfil other necessities at home.Once I opened up and said I want to go for counselling. There he told the doctor, ‘She wants my property but she never allows me to care of my mom. She won't allow me to talk to my friends.’ I was shocked. I told him 'I never asked for money or property. I just want to quit.' I went home and told myself if he repeats this another time I won't take it for granted. But again in the month of February, he continued his behaviour. He shifted to another bedroom for a few months where he’d watch TV and have food. He'd even sleep in the kids’ bedroom. I stopped bothering. At some point, I felt like I deserved someone who trusts me.I want to quit because he thinks I am a loyal maid who will take care of kids and the household. He communicates with like ‘What I should get? Milk veggies etc?’ He never treats me with love and affection. Now everything is spoiled. I want to have a new life. I want to be set free from him. Please suggest what to do.
Ans:

Dear XY,

And may I ask what exactly are you waiting for?

Why did you think that by you going for counselling, your husband will change his behaviour towards you?

How is that he cheats on you and still you allow him to treat you this way?

This only shows that you have lost your strength which you need most right now.

What if you were a strong independent woman who has been working?

Would you still subject yourself to this? You know the answer!

Bring back that woman who had dreams, who knew how to walk the path, who knew how a man should treat her, who knew what a marriage really is.

Can you do this?

Your kids need their mother to stand up for herself and do the right thing.

Be the woman who will not settle for anything that disrespects a woman or another human.

Seeing this, they will also know how to treat a woman and what a woman can bring into their lives.

Do the right thing, for yourself and them. Bring back that strong, independent woman who knew this and more.

Best wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1449 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello sir/Madam I'm going through a rough time of my life and want some help from you I am a professional and 48 years old and I have 2 grown up children My problem is that I had a love marriage with my husband22 years back and his family didn't accept me whole heartidly since we belong to different castes and culture .they wanted to take advantage of me financially My husband has strained his relationship with my mom n only sister after my father's death in 2008 over money matters Me, my husband and children live in a house provided by my parents in a different city from my inlaws They always create differences between us still Now another problem has cropped up in our relationship I spied on my my husband's mobile n discovered tha that he has sex chats with other women and is involved in mastrubating sessions with them over phone I am completely broken from inside n not able to decide what to do coz when i confronted him , he flatly refused n fought with me and started putting false allegations on me .I am quite disturbed as i dont want to end my marriage eventhough he behaves very bad with me at times Kindly advice me
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Since you know that you want this marriage still, then the best way to not be hurt and strained around him, is to:
Either:
- Ignore what's happening and what he's doing and he leads his life and you lead yours (This is not easy, let me warn you!)
OR
- Live separately; you are financially independent and have your home to live in; he can go live with his parents and see if this works

Sadly, you married someone who has not learned to appreciate his partner and is perhaps playing to his own insecurities. It's totally on him and why I say that you are not to blame is: the fact that you still want to continue in this marriage, you may have to face more of this humiliation and hurt. If this is your decision, you really need a very steely interior and a facade that can face it all.
Yes, counseling is an option for him and the two of you as couple, BUT I don't see that in him as yet...Instead of addressing his wife's hurt and pain, he has refused to acknowledge what he's been up to. It doesn't say a lot about him to me.
So, strengthen yourself into your decision and check the two choices above and see what works best for you...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Asked by Anonymous - Jan 18, 2025Hindi
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Career
hi so in 4 days im giving my jee exam and havent prepared well at all my parents hv high hope on my but i started scoring very bad due to love trap and now i really wana get into gr8 college but all the teachers around me are so very unsupoortative i get cornered by them today also i fianted in class after coresspodent called my name as i scored low..im such a disappointment in life wt should i even do?
Ans: It can be hard to deal with such a lot of stress, especially when you don't have any help. Just try the following suggestions: If not a teacher, talk to a family member, friend, or even a psychologist. Putting your feelings into words can help lighten the load.
Take care of your body by getting enough rest, water, and small foods. Fainting is a sign that your body is under a lot of stress.
Breathing exercises: When you feel stressed, try taking deep breaths. It can calm you down. There is still time to change what you might not have done as you had hoped. Focus on getting better in key and scoring areas for the next four days, based on your past preparation. Stick to NCERT for inorganic chemistry. Here, you can study physical chemistry formulas and organic reactions. Do not try to be perfect right now. Pay close attention to making sure you cover enough. Some people around you may have let you down, but that doesn't mean they don't value you. One test doesn't completely describe your life. If JEE doesn't go as planned, there are still other ways to have a great job. Don't give up hope if it doesn't happen. You can always choose between state engineering schools, private universities, or taking a year off to get ready with more help. Even though things are hard for you right now, this is not how you will always feel. Even people who are very good at what they do have low points. Don't give up on yourself, even if you feel lost. You still need to do a lot of things. All the BEST for Your Prosperous Future. Follow RediffGURUS to know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7592 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

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Money
Dear Sir, Please advice, what is your suggestion to me as far as investment (SIP) in Mutual Fund is concerned, SIP in Multi Cap is good or Flexi Cap is good (for achieving goals like wealth accumulation, retirement etc.)? Regards, Ashish
Ans: When deciding between Multi-Cap and Flexi-Cap mutual funds for your SIP investments, it's important to evaluate your financial goals, risk tolerance, and time horizon. Both types of funds have unique characteristics that can help in wealth accumulation and retirement planning.

Multi-Cap Funds: Key Characteristics
Diversified Portfolio: Multi-Cap funds invest across large, mid, and small-cap stocks. This provides diversification, which can help manage risks.

Risk Level: The fund is usually less volatile compared to funds that focus only on small or mid-cap stocks. However, it does carry some risk due to exposure to smaller-cap stocks.

Long-Term Growth: These funds tend to perform well over long investment horizons. They aim to balance between growth and stability.

Suitable for Moderate to Conservative Investors: If you're looking for a mix of stability and growth, multi-cap funds might be suitable.

Flexi-Cap Funds: Key Characteristics
Flexibility in Allocation: Flexi-Cap funds have the flexibility to invest across all market capitalizations – large, mid, and small-cap stocks – based on market conditions. They can adjust their portfolio dynamically.

Higher Potential for Growth: Since these funds can tilt more towards mid-cap or small-cap stocks when the market is favorable, they can offer higher growth potential in bullish markets.

Risk-Return Trade-Off: While they can offer high returns in the long run, flexi-cap funds can also be more volatile than multi-cap funds.

Best for Long-Term Growth: If you are focused on wealth accumulation and are willing to take on a bit more risk for higher returns, flexi-cap funds are a good option.

Comparison and Evaluation for Your Financial Goals
Wealth Accumulation: Both multi-cap and flexi-cap funds can help you accumulate wealth over the long term. However, flexi-cap funds generally have the edge in terms of potential returns due to their dynamic asset allocation strategy. The flexibility allows them to outperform during market rallies.

Retirement Planning: If your goal is to build a solid retirement corpus with moderate risk, multi-cap funds provide a balanced approach. These funds tend to be less volatile while providing a decent return in the long run.

Risk Consideration: Since flexi-cap funds invest more actively, they are prone to higher market fluctuations. If you are comfortable with market ups and downs, flexi-cap funds might suit you better. On the other hand, if you want lower volatility with steady growth, multi-cap funds are a safer option.

Actively Managed Funds vs Direct Plans
Why Regular Funds (via MFD) are Beneficial: When investing in mutual funds, you can invest either in direct plans or regular plans. While direct plans offer lower expense ratios, they require substantial knowledge and time to manage investments.

Professional Management: By investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) or a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD), you benefit from professional fund management. Your advisor can help tailor your SIP strategy to your goals and regularly assess fund performance, ensuring your investment remains aligned with market conditions and your risk profile.

Avoid Direct Plans if Not Knowledgeable: Direct plans may seem attractive due to lower fees, but they are suitable for those with in-depth market knowledge. Regular funds via an MFD provide you with an extra layer of support and expertise, which can be especially useful for managing volatile market conditions and long-term goals.

Final Insights
When choosing between Multi-Cap and Flexi-Cap funds, the best approach depends on your risk tolerance and financial goals. Multi-Cap funds offer diversification and stability, making them suitable for moderate risk-takers and long-term wealth accumulation. Flexi-Cap funds offer more growth potential but with higher volatility, making them ideal for those who are comfortable with higher risks for potentially higher returns.

For retirement planning, consider a mix of both types of funds, depending on your age, financial situation, and risk appetite. It's essential to periodically review your investment strategy and consult a Certified Financial Planner to ensure your SIP is on track for your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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