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Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, i am 34 yrs old married for the last 4 yrs. I married a man knowing he is alcoholic. I started having second thoughts before getting married as he used to be very abusive after getting drunk and calling me and fighting for silly reasons but I din have the guts to call of the wedding. I had told him that I am not someone who is very fond of sex and I am very scared to have sex as I feel it's painful for which he was okay thinking I would change after marriage. Both of us din want to have kids. It's been 4 yrs I have not had sex Nor has he ever forced me to. Tat way he respects me is what I believe, the reason initially I used to deny was he used to drink and come home , just few days after being wed he came drunk abused me pushed me around kicked me while I was sleepin. Things escalated during lockdown he is mentally verbally abusive , emotionally not available. He has a problem with everyone around him, I have told him multiple times that we could go for counseling, he says okay at times and later abuses me for suggesting it. I have always been there for him, supported mentally , emotionally and financially. But I get nothing in return. I used to feel it's all coz of me not having sex but will having sex just solve all this? It's not like I have not gone to meet psychiatrists I have and they advised me few things and I have also told my husband that let's have sex but he tells some reason. Also, we do get physical make out and everything except for sex, it would be more like dry humping. He says when he is in a good mood that it's not about sex. He has had this abusive behaviour right from day one. Why is sex given so much importance in society much more than basic care and affection? M I at fault here? Please help me.

Ans: The sex has little to do with it; he’s happy not to have it, just like you are, else it would pose a real problem. Two words - get out. Drunk, abusive, unpleasant. And no children, so no collateral damage. And he won’t do therapy. Why are you sticking around?

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1571 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 04, 2022

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Dear mam, I am a working woman married for 14 years with two kids. Ours was a love marriage. But immediately after my marriage I noticed that my husband was over aggressive and very possessive. He wants me to be under his control all the time. Whenever I say something against his will he starts abusing me and family. He has suicidal tendencies and has attempted in the past also. When his anger gets controlled he starts conversation with a sorry. This situation will continue for a few days and after that he will start again. This has been my life for the past 14 years. Sometimes he does manhandle and indulges in forced sex. I am fed up with this nature of his. Please suggest what I can do.
Ans:

Dear S,

It’s time someone showed the man what a MAN truly is.

Do you have a close family member who can talk to him?

If NO, this is your husband. No one knows him better that you do…

Notice:

  • What actually triggers him to become aggressive and possessive?
  • What situations have led him to attempting suicide?

If there is a mental illness that we are looking at, it needs intervention ASAP.

Never be afraid to push back when you are forced into sex…It is called ‘Marital Rape’ just in case you didn’t know.

It’s not Okay and it is definitely not mandatory that a woman needs to give in to satisfy her husband’s sexual urges.

If he continues forced sex, you can approach a local NGO that supports women with domestic violence, and they can help you with the next course of action.

Do not feel obliged to put up with things that eat your soul away.

Make sure you keep your sanity intact by surrounding yourself with the best people who care and love you.

Pick up a hobby that fills you with joy; this joy can help you think with a clear mind when you step into your marriage for the day.

One step at a time, but take that STEP…You are important.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1571 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 27, 2023

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Mam, I am married for 13 yrs and it was a love marriage. We have 2 kids. My husband is less supportive. I look after my kids, my work, home without help from him. Even when I work he does not bother to make tea or help with cooking. He would get angry and abuse physically for intimacy. For last few years he started drinking a lot and indulge in fight outside. He had 2 police cases against him. I came close to someone. I told my husband I want to separate, but instead he became abusive. I don't love him. I feel I am his sex slave just fulfilling his desire, if I won't do that he will quarrel, stop eating and harass me mentally. What should I do?
Ans: Dear P,
If a dear friend had come to you with the same problem, what would you have suggested to her?
Would you have asked her to continue with a person who's being inconsiderate?
Would you have not suggested to her that she might need to go into couples therapy?
Certainly, status quo isn't something that you would have advised her to be in especially when she's with someone who has had two police cases against him!
You are dealing with a person who has had a massive change in behavior. Did you not see these red flags earlier? No point digging the past...
Thers is no need to submit to his tantrums and give into sex. He's using it to 'tame' you and make you meek.
Seek the help of someone strong within the family to talk to him...
Move out for a few days/weeks to gain your confidence back...if this is not possible, sleep in a separate room...if he pesters you for sex, look him firmly in the eye and say NO...
Have a dear friend/family member on speed dial...
The welfare of your children's is dependent on you; so to safeguard them, you need to care about yourself first!
You are not meek, do what you would have advised your friend.
All the best!

.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1571 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, i am 34 yrs old married for the last 4 yrs. I married a man knowing he is alcoholic. I had told him that I am not someone who is very fond of sex and I am very scared to have sex as I feel it's painful for which he was okay thinking I would change after marriage. Both of us din want to have kids. It's been 4 yrs I have not had sex Nor has he ever forced me to. Tat way he respects me is what I believe, the reason initially I used to deny was he used to drink and come home , just few days after being wed he came drunk abused me physically and verbally. Things escalated during lockdown he is mentally, verbally abusive , emotionally not available. He has a problem with everyone around him, I have told him multiple times that we could go for counseling, he says okay at times and later abuses me for suggesting it. I have always been there for him, supported mentally , emotionally and financially. But I get nothing in return. I used to feel it's all coz of me not having sex but will having sex just solve all this? It's not like I have not gone to meet psychiatrists I have and they advised me few things and I have also told my husband that let's have sex but he tells some reason. Also, we do get physical make out and everything except for sex. He says when he is in a good mood that it's not about sex. He has had this abusive behaviour right from day one. Why is sex given so much importance ? much more than basic care and affection? M I at fault here? Please help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let's put it all in one form...
1. You married a man who has a drinking problem
2. You feel sex is painful and believe that it is
3. You wonder if having sex can solve all your problems
4. You want to know if basic care and affection can override sex
Who is at fault must not be your question but rather ask what can be done here to rebuild the marriage?
Firstly, if you husband has a drinking issue, why has this not been treated? Instead the focus is on sex and no sex...
Sure, sex is a part of any marriage and it certainly can help couples bond together in a better way. But is it the only thing to save a marriage? NO!
But it's possible that sex may help your husband communicate better with you at an emotional level as well. You see, physical and emotional bonding go hand in hand. And wherever you got the idea that sex is painful needs to worked upon. Honestly, you are missing out on a beautiful element within marriage.
Kindly seek professional help for yourself on this, your husband for his drinking issue and it will help going for couples therapy. Do what needs to be done to put your marriage back together. Long journey, if you feel this can actually help and that you want that help...

All the best!

..Read more

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |1135 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Mar 25, 2025

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Money
Hello! Advait ji, My Mom is 82 and gets family pension. She has 70 lakhs FD maturing in March 25. I would like to invest 10 lakhs in FD as emergency fund. Kindly advice how to invest the remaining 60 lakhs, which is risk free and gives good returns (better than FD) She has the following investment - 1. 10 lakhs in Edelweiss Multicap Fund - Gr 2. 2 lakhs 40 thousand in HDFC Flexicap Fund -Gr 3. 2 lakhs 40 thousand in HDFC Midcap Opportunities Fund 4. 2 lakhs 50 thousand in Invesco India Focused Fund 5. 2 lakhs 50 thousand in LIC MF Infrastructure Fund 6. 2 lakhs 50 thousand in Motilal Oswal Large and Mid-Cap 7. 2 lakhs 40 thousand in Nippon India Large Cap Fund 8. 2 lakhs 40 thousand in Nippon India Multicap Fund 9. 2 lakhs 40 thousand in Nippon India Small Cap Fund 10. 2 lakhs 40 thousand in Quant Small Cap Fund. Total Mutual fund investment of 32 lakhs. Apart from MF she has invested in Bajaj Allianz Life insurance plan, where she will investRs 2 Lakhs per year for 10 years. This is a guaranteed plan. She is comfortable running the house with her pension. However, please suggest shorter duration investments (5 yrs) Regards Namrata
Ans: Hello;

She may opt for any of these investment avenues:

1. Post office time deposit scheme(FDs offered by post office for 1,2,3 & 5 year tenure); Joint holding allowed; Premature withdrawal allowed after 6M. (Current ROI 6.9-7.5%)

2. NSC with a fixed tenure of 5 years; No premature withdrawal allowed. Can be held jointly(Current ROI 7.7%)

3. KVP: Although tenure is 9 yrs and 5 months, you may do premature encashment after 2.5 years; joint holding allowed;(Current ROI 7.5%)

You may approach a reliable postal agent to process these investments to avoid hassle of frequent post visits and associated hardships.

These are backed by GOI so no risk of default.

Hope this meets your requirements.

Best wishes;

...Read more

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1061 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Mar 25, 2025

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Career
I am a first year student at MIT Manipal,currently pursuing Electrical and Electronics engineering(EEE),and I am have been given a choice to apply for branch change in my institute either to CSE,Mathematics and Computing(MnC) or ECE in my second year. I did not study Computer Science in 11th and 12th, and I coding in C for the first time as part of my 1st year syllabus.I am not very much interested to coding,but I am learning it since it is there in the course syllabus. My parents suggest switching to CSE, but they are not engineers and do not have insights into the current job market. Since my batch will be passing out in 2028, I want to understand the job scenario for CSE, MnC, ECE, and EEE graduates by then. Among these,which branch provides better opportunities for core engineering jobs with good or decent salary and stability? I have heard that many ECE graduates end up in IT jobs due to lack of core industries-is that true?Would ECE be a better alternative to CSE for core jobs or is it better to stay in EEE? Also between CSE, ECE, and EEE, which has less competition in the job market while still offering good career prospects? Additionally, I want to know which branch is broader, with ample opportunities in both the government and private sectors, especially for core jobs with good pay and stability. base on futuret rends, would it be a wise decision to change my branch, or should I continue with EEE?
Ans: Happy to see that you have asked very logical questions. I can say that, since you are already in Electrical and Electronics Engineering (EEE) at MIT Manipal and have the opportunity to change to CSE, Mathematics and Computing (MnC), or ECE, your decision should be based on:


Your Interests (Core Engineering vs Coding)
Job Market Trends for 2028 and Beyond
Competition & Industry Demand

Future Job Market (2028 & Beyond) for Each Branch
Branch Core Job Scope IT/Software Jobs Govt Jobs Competition Salary Stability
CSE Low (Software Focused) High Limited Very High High but Unstable
MnC Medium (AI/ML, Finance) High Limited High High but Research-Oriented
ECE Medium (VLSI, Chip Design, Telecom, IoT) High Moderate (ISRO, DRDO, PSU) High Medium-High
EEE High (Power, EVs, Automation, Energy, PSU) Moderate High (Railways, NTPC, BHEL, Govt) Low-Medium High & Stable

Should You Switch to CSE, MnC, or ECE?
If You Want Core Engineering Jobs with Stability
Best Option: Stay in EEE

If You Want a Balance Between Core & Software Jobs
Best Option: ECE

If You Want a High-Paying Private Sector Career (But Not Core Engineering)
Best Option: MnC or CSE

Hope this will help you in decision making.

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |1135 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Mar 25, 2025

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Hi sir I am investing when ever i have money not like in SIP. my most of investments are around 6 L invested in Quant different mutual funds. No a days i can see my all the Quant funds are going down. Im 34 years old female. My plan is 10 years. Can i exit from quant and invest in any some MF rather than getting more loss? Can you please review my portfolian. Do i need to exit from any MF. Since i'm maintaining too many MF. Thanks in advance. Mutual Funds List No' Scheme Name AMC Category Sub-category ISIN 1 DSP Small Cap Direct Plan Growth DSP Mutual Fund Equity Small Cap INF740K01QD1 2 Quant Focused Fund Direct Growth Quant Mutual Fund Equity Focused INF966L01853 3 Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund Direct Growth PPFAS Mutual Fund Equity Flexi Cap INF879O01027 4 Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Fund Direct Growth Mirae Asset Mutual Fund Equity ELSS INF769K01DM9 5 JM Flexicap Fund Direct Plan Growth JM Financial Mutual Fund Equity Flexi Cap INF192K01CC7 6 Axis Growth Opportunities Fund Direct Growth Axis Mutual Fund Equity Large & MidCap INF846K01J46 7 Parag Parikh ELSS Tax Saver Fund Direct Growth PPFAS Mutual Fund Equity ELSS INF879O01100 8 Quant Small Cap Fund Direct Plan Growth Quant Mutual Fund Equity Small Cap INF966L01689 9 Canara Robeco Small Cap Fund Direct Growth Canara Robeco Mutual Fund Equity Small Cap INF760K01JC6 10 Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund Direct Growth Motilal Oswal Mutual Fund Equity Mid Cap INF247L01445 11 Nippon India Multi Cap Fund Direct Growth Nippon India Mutual Fund Equity Multi Cap INF204K01XF9 12 Nippon India Small Cap Fund Direct Growth Nippon India Mutual Fund Equity Small Cap INF204K01K15 13 ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Direct Growth ICICI Prudential Mutual Fund Equity Value INF109K012K1 14 Quant Flexi Cap Fund Direct Growth Quant Mutual Fund Equity Flexi Cap INF966L01911 15 Nippon India Small Cap Fund Direct Growth Nippon India Mutual Fund Equity Small Cap INF204K01K15 16 Quant ELSS Tax Saver Fund Direct Growth Quant Mutual Fund Equity ELSS INF966L01986 17 Aditya Birla Sun Life PSU Equity Fund Direct Growth Aditya Birla Sun Life Mutual Fund Equity Sectoral / Thematic INF209KB1O82 18 Quant Mid Cap Fund Direct Growth Quant Mutual Fund Equity Mid Cap INF966L01887 STOCKS LIST 1 APOLLO TYRES-EQ RE 1 2 ASIAN PAINTS EQ 1/ 3 BRITANNIA IND-EQ1/- 4 CG POWER-EQ2/ 5 IRCTCL-EQ2 6 NHPC LIMITED - EQ 7 TATA STEEL-EQ1/ 8 Deepak nitrate 9 LT 10 Narayana Hrudayalaya
Ans: Hello;

6 L worth investment in 18 different funds is spreading it too thin.

You have a time horizon of 10 years but how much corpus you want to accumulate after 10 years kindly clarify?

Also if you can specify the goal for which this investment is aimed at then it will help us to suggest suitably.

I will recommend you strategy to rationalize you MF holdings once you revert on the above points.

Thanks;

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |1135 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Mar 25, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025
Money
Sir, I am Mudassar, 40 years old, i have 3 childrens, 2 daughter and son. Sir, i need your suggestions/guidance becaz i am in very crtical situation. My take home salary is 40K and my father (retired age 74 ) salary is 35K , we both have personal laons to build house. I have two running LIC's , on which i have taken loan also. Recenlty we build own house , if i sell now, i will get around 42 to 45 Lakhs . My lloan detailsbelow ; 1. HDFC 7,20,000 emi 14K 2. Company emi 1,50,000 emi 4K 3. LIC loan 2 laks emi 2K 4. Father loan 4 lacks , two year remaining, emi 14K Total emi : 34K Apart from we are paying 15K monthy to chit fund , still 15 months remaining. Summary: Total sal 75 K , after laon and chit fund deducting , will get 26K to run home , including grocery, children fees , health etc... its very difficult to manage, and keep thinking to take extra loan .. as i said earlier , have two LIC's , i am.paying 56K every year . What i am thinking is, i will sell my house And clear all my laons .. and approximate i will have 25 Lakhs remeaing , so i will inest in mutual fund , SIP , SWP, index fund for long time investment .. So i.am in very confusing mode , whether i have to sell my house .. and start my investment journey... pls help sir .. My finacial conditions are very similar to all middle class family.. Request you to please reply and give your sugestion for investment joury. Awaiting your kind reply .. Thanks in advance ...
Ans: Hello;

Suppose you sell your house and clear your loans and other liabilities but where will you & your family stay?

How much rental per month would be required to get an adequate house on rent?

Please clarify. Based on your input we can advise you suitably.

Thanks;

...Read more

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