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Will his caste-conscious parents ever accept me?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1535 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 25, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 19, 2025Hindi
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I 29(F) from scheduled caste and 28(M) from OBC started dating 3 years ago. I had already seen a big family drama during my sister’s inter caste marriage but it turned out to be successful. I never hid my identity in front of the guy and specifically talked about it very early in the relationship in order to not have any issue later. The guy was extremely okay with it. More than one year into dating we told our parents about the relationship and both sides seemed fine with it. And we were happy. However, last year his parents completely flipped on the idea of accepting me when they got to know what specific caste I belonged to. I was pretty optimistic as I had already seen something similar in my family to turn out to be successful. So I thought I was the right person to guide him through this. However, months have passed and despite repeated attempts, his parents are not ready to agree. Meanwhile I kept comparing his actions and frequency of having the talk with his parents and found is efforts not up to the mark but I understand now that it was the best he could do. He has a very stressful job on top of it. So, both of us kept telling the other person to call it quits if either of us wanted to. But neither of us wanted to end it and it became a long hefty struggle. He stopped proper communication and I couldn’t handle it and it got worse. But still neither of us wanted to give up. Ultimately I talked to his mother to free her mind of any prejudice with regards to me. But she was very cold during the whole conversation. She said that her son is her pride and he’ll be dead for her if he goes on to marry me. She said that she knows her son and her son would never marry someone without her blessing and that she would never agree. When I talked to my partner, he had no reaction to his mother’s cold behaviour and instead told me to take a decision to call it off now that I had a clear picture in front of me. He says he cannot see me hanging forever because he doesn’t see his parents getting convinced ever and he can’t keep hurting them without any positive result. When I said that the fact that he was accepting his parent’s decision and not willing to try anymore made him a part of the problem and he hung up on me and we haven’t talked since. I wish we could have handled this better. Been there for each other. And even though neither of us wanted to give up, i did not anticipate this blunt and sudden end. I wish we could have still expressed how we felt for each other and moved on mutually and peacefully. But I think he couldn’t take any more pressure on himself. And he couldn’t see me suffering forever which is why he started withdrawing emotionally. I am unable to accept it still and I think i might wait for him forever.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What is your question for me?
Let me assume that you just wanted to share and convey that you wish to wait for him forever.
What's the point waiting for someone who has decided to move on? Maybe he could not see you wait forever BUT he also did not take a stand for your relationship, right?
Taking things too far like what you are doing by waiting for someone who does not even acknowledge your love and presence in his life whatever the reason maybe, it's clear that he has decided to yield to what his mother wants. Even if he decides to be with you, do remember that his mother will be a huge influence in a not so great way on him and that may not be great for your relationship.
You have a great life ahead of you; why don't you experience life without him for a while and actually feel the weight lifting off your shoulders? At least you are not the only one who seems to be carrying on the burden of the relationship...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1535 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 25, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam, actually I am having a trouble in my relationship. Me and my partner are from different castes but we love each other. Due to the fear of my parents I told him some days back that my parents will never agree for our marriage as he is one year younger than me, he is from different caste and we both are in the final stage of our professional course and have not gone for job yet. But we are unable to leave each other and keep on crying. Now I am thinking of talking about this to my parents once my exams are over in a couple of months because I'm already 24 and they will start looking for alliance for me. But my partner is like there's no problem on his side but he doesn't want me to hurt and ruin relationship with my parents due to this disclosure and says that its never going to happen with heavy emotions and teary eyes. I am also unable to control my emotions and tears. Please advise me on what to do please mam....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Well, your partner is being kind and thinking for you and your relationship with your parents. It is a nice trait to have to be empathetic but it may cost him the relationship. And he has taken this stance only because you have talked him about how fearful you are of your parents.
I guess instead of giving up like this, why don't the two of you sit down as adults and discuss how to talk to your parents and make this happen. When you act against what society and family set as norms, you should have expected something to go against the fairy tale event, right?
Since you did not set this tone in mind, now it's about taking the bull by the horns and finding what's the best solution. Why give up?

All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |537 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Sir, am a 28 years old IT employee and my lover is 29 with the same profession. We have informed our love with our parents and we both belong to different castes. As we are different castes, his family is not supporting our love. His mom is very adamant and his entire family is against us. My mom is a government employee and my father retired from the private sector. My sisters were well settled in a good family after their marriage. My sister also does intercaste marriage. The problem is now my lover is not willing to marry me. He was the one who advised me to tell my parents about our love. He was strong till the beginning of August but he got emotionally stuck with his mom. I understand that I can't force him to get married to me but I loved him after all! I don't want to lose our relationship just because of caste and horoscopes. Caste is not in my hand as well as the horoscope. Can you please guide me on this?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are stuck in a very challenging situation, but as you mentioned, you cannot force him to get married. I know it hurts, but you will soon realize that you deserve to be with someone who would prioritize you over caste and horoscope. While it is difficult to convince parents or go against their wishes, it is also important to stand your ground, especially if you are committed to the relationship. His lack of effort to make this relationship work is a little concerning.

Take your time and reflect on the relationship and your partner's efforts. If it seems good enough for you, or you can excuse his inactions, try to communicate with him and ask if he wants to give this one last try. But I would strongly suggest against trying to convince him. You do not need to convince someone to pick you; it should come naturally.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |552 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 23, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Hello there!! There are past trauma experiences in my relationship due to caste issue since my family are strictly against it . But I eventually liked another boy seeing his true love n affection n care towards me , he loved me since our skl days !! He expressed himself but i gave him my answerr after many yrs due my past experiences!! But eventually we had a healthy relationship ,and he told me he is of same caste!! Since his father lied to him related to this to keep him away from this caste called thing!! But now his father relved tht it was a lie !! Now we ended up intercaste!! We truly love each other we dreamt of our future together!! He became huge part of my life !! His family is okay with me regarding our marriage but my family is strongly opposed to this intercaste thing!! We are 24 yrs we thought of settle in our lifes and approach my parents few years back since untill fewdays back we together thought we are of same caste so there eill be no issue!! But now within few days n few lies our both world n hopes turned upside down!! I cant make my family suffer due to me!! At same time i cant leave him im struck !! What should we do!!
Ans: Your family’s suffering is a valid concern, but will they truly suffer because of your decision, or is it more about their expectations and societal norms? Often, parents react strongly at first, but with time, they adjust when they see their child happy and settled. Right now, their resistance is based on tradition and belief systems they’ve held for years. But is their love for you truly conditional on whom you marry? Would they rather see you unhappy in a marriage they approve of than happy in one they initially resisted?

Your happiness and future matter just as much as your family’s feelings. If you truly cannot see a life without him, you need to ask yourself whether sacrificing that love for family approval will truly bring you peace. Walking away from love to please others often leads to lifelong regret. On the other hand, if you fight for your relationship, you might face pain now, but there’s a chance your family will eventually come around.

The most important thing is to stand firm in what you want. If you and your partner truly love each other, you will need patience, strength, and a strategy to gradually help your family accept your choice. This won’t be easy, but living a life where you constantly wonder "what if?" will be even harder.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1535 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 17, 2025

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Iam 27 years old .me and my boyfriend were in relationship from the last 5 years.he is my childhood class met.during corona time we reconnected through social media .we are from same place .initially we both were good friends later we decided to start our relationship.i belong to low caste.and he belongs to upper caste.in those 5 years we shared our happiness, sorrows together .he was with me in every situation.he helped me emotionally mentally and financially.every thing went well .we planned out future together.later our parents got to know about our relationship.i convinced my parents.but his parents are not accepting our love because of my low caste..i even took my father and brother along with me to talk with his mother . I even begged his mother by touching her feet to accept our love.she told me that she wants to do his sons marriage with a girl who belong to their caste. His parents are telling him that they will leave the home town and go somewhere else if he marries me.my boyfriend is telling me that his parents especially his mothers health will be effected if he marry me and asking me to move on..I asked me that whether he is ok to marry the girls of their parents choice..he told me that he doesn't have any option other than listing to his parents..I'm totally devasted .I'm suffering with anxiety, depression and continuous thoughts ..i want him.he also loves me but he is not daring to marry mee.he is worrying about his parents..how to deal with this situation..pls help mee
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Honestly, drop him...the reason for this must be obvious to you by now. When he is not willing to take a stand for his love, what makes you think he's ever going to support you later in life?
Also, maybe he does not want to or fears going against his family. How can you change that? Surely your love isn't enough to convince him of being with you in this relationship; then what else can?

It's going to be hard to get away from all those feelings BUT you are better off without someone who is unable to take a stand for you. And when it comes to anxiety, practice deep breathing...it does help...If this is getting unbearable, then do seek professional help from someone who can guide you through this break-up and thereafter healing.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8033 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 25, 2025

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I have following SIPs in my portfolio. I want to invest 30000 per month but can't understand how much money should I allocate in each SIP? SBI Technology Opportunities Fund Direct-Growth, Nippon India Consumption Fund Direct-Growth, SBI Long Term Equity Fund Direct Plan-Growth, Quant ELSS Tax Saver Fund Direct-Growth, ICICI Prudential BHARAT 22 FOF Direct - Growth, Quant Infrastructure Fund Direct-Growth, UTI Gold ETF FoF Direct - Growth, ICICI Prudential Silver ETF FoF Direct - Growth, ICICI Prudential Nifty 50 Index Direct Plan-Growth
Ans: You want to invest Rs 30,000 per month across multiple SIPs. Allocating funds efficiently is important for long-term wealth creation. Let’s evaluate your portfolio and decide the best allocation strategy.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Your portfolio consists of the following categories:

Sectoral and thematic funds – Technology, consumption, infrastructure, Bharat 22
Tax-saving funds – ELSS funds
Gold and silver funds – Precious metal investments
Index funds – Passive investment approach
Each category has different risk, return potential, and diversification benefits. Let’s assess each one.

Sectoral and Thematic Funds
High-risk, high-reward investments – These funds invest in specific industries. Their performance depends on the growth of that sector.

Not suitable for large allocation – These funds are volatile and should be a small portion of your portfolio.

Recommended allocation: 15-20% of total SIP amount – Spread this amount across different sectors for better diversification.

Tax-Saving Funds (ELSS)
Helps in tax savings – Investments in these funds provide deductions under Section 80C.

Mandatory lock-in of three years – Ensure that you can stay invested for this duration.

Recommended allocation: 20-25% of total SIP amount – This depends on your tax planning needs.

Gold and Silver Funds
Acts as a hedge against inflation – Precious metals protect against economic downturns.

Volatility and long-term returns – Prices fluctuate, and returns may not always match equity funds.

Recommended allocation: 5-10% of total SIP amount – This prevents overexposure to metals.

Index Funds
Limited flexibility – These funds mirror an index and do not react to market changes.

Underperforms during volatile periods – Actively managed funds adapt better to market shifts.

Misses on alpha generation – Professional fund managers provide better stock selection.

Recommended allocation: Avoid completely – Actively managed funds are a better choice.

Optimal SIP Allocation Strategy
Based on the above evaluation, your Rs 30,000 monthly SIP can be divided as follows:

Actively managed diversified equity funds: Rs 12,000 (40%) – These funds provide long-term stability and higher growth potential.
ELSS tax-saving funds: Rs 6,000 (20%) – Helps in tax savings while investing in equity.
Sectoral and thematic funds: Rs 4,500 (15%) – Invest selectively in growing sectors.
Gold and silver funds: Rs 3,000 (10%) – Provides hedging benefits.
Infrastructure and Bharat 22 funds: Rs 4,500 (15%) – Exposure to government-driven sectors.
You can adjust these allocations based on your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Key Considerations Before Investing
Avoid overconcentration in any single theme – Too much investment in one sector increases risk.

Prioritise actively managed funds – These funds adapt to market conditions better than index funds.

Monitor performance regularly – Review your investments every six months.

Ensure diversification across sectors – A well-diversified portfolio reduces risk.

Finally
Your investment should align with your financial goals and risk appetite. A well-balanced SIP allocation improves returns and reduces volatility.

If needed, consult a Certified Financial Planner to refine your strategy further.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8033 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 25, 2025

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Sir for my son's education is it better to take loan or use my fd , i fall in 30 %IT slab. Pls adv
Ans: You are in the 30% tax slab. The choice between taking a loan or using your fixed deposit depends on multiple factors. Let’s evaluate both options from a financial and strategic perspective.

Benefits of Taking an Education Loan
Tax Benefits on Interest Paid

The interest paid on an education loan qualifies for a tax deduction under Section 80E. This benefit is available for up to eight years.

Since you fall in the 30% tax slab, this deduction can help reduce your taxable income.

Liquidity Retention

Keeping your fixed deposit intact ensures liquidity for emergencies and other financial goals.

Unexpected medical expenses or job loss can impact cash flow. A loan helps you maintain financial security.

Low-Interest Rates Compared to Other Loans

Education loans usually have lower interest rates than personal loans. Some banks also provide a moratorium period, during which repayment starts after course completion.

Credit Score Improvement

Timely repayment of the loan will improve your credit score. This can help in the future if you need to take another loan.

Disadvantages of Taking an Education Loan
Interest Outflow

Even though the tax benefit reduces the burden, you will still pay more than the actual loan amount due to interest.

If you can afford the expenses without affecting other goals, avoiding interest payments is better.

Loan Repayment Burden

If your son does not secure a high-paying job immediately, the repayment can become stressful.

You may have to step in to make EMI payments, affecting your retirement plans.

Benefits of Using Fixed Deposits
No Interest Outflow

By using your own funds, you avoid paying interest to the bank. The actual cost of education remains lower.

Peace of Mind

Without a loan, you won’t have to worry about monthly EMI payments. This ensures financial stability and mental peace.

Better Financial Freedom for Your Son

If you fund the education yourself, your son starts his career debt-free. This gives him more flexibility in career choices.

Disadvantages of Using Fixed Deposits
Loss of Liquidity

Using the fixed deposit will reduce your emergency funds. If another major expense arises, you may struggle to arrange funds quickly.

Impact on Other Financial Goals

If this fixed deposit was set aside for another financial goal, using it for education may delay that goal.

You need to evaluate whether this will affect your retirement or home purchase plans.

Tax on Fixed Deposit Interest

The interest earned on fixed deposits is fully taxable as per your slab. Since you are in the 30% slab, this reduces your net return.

Key Factors to Consider Before Deciding
Cash Flow Stability

If your monthly income and investments provide enough financial security, paying from the fixed deposit is a good option.

If not, an education loan can help manage cash flow better.

Alternative Investment Options

If your fixed deposit is earning lower returns than the loan interest rate, it makes sense to use it instead of taking a loan.

If your investments are growing at a higher rate than the loan interest, taking a loan is financially better.

Risk Tolerance

If you are comfortable managing debt and can benefit from the tax deduction, a loan can be a strategic decision.

If you prefer a risk-free approach, using your fixed deposit is the better choice.

Optimal Approach for You
Since you are in the 30% tax slab, an education loan can provide tax benefits.

However, if your fixed deposit is earning a lower return than the loan interest, using it can be financially smarter.

If liquidity is not a concern and your retirement plans remain unaffected, funding education yourself is a good choice.

A balanced approach is also possible. You can take a partial loan and use some of your fixed deposit. This way, you reduce the loan burden while keeping some liquidity.

Finally
Taking an education loan has tax benefits and keeps liquidity intact. However, it comes with interest costs and repayment obligations.

Using your fixed deposit saves interest but reduces liquidity and may impact other financial goals.

The decision depends on your financial stability, investment returns, and long-term goals.

A Certified Financial Planner can help structure your finances in the most tax-efficient way.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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