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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |663 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 21, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 20, 2025Hindi
Relationship

My age is 25 and I have completed my mbbs and started doing my job as a medical officer and my boyfriend is 27 and he is an civil engineer with mba.. I belong to ST caste and he is general.. Few years back my boyfriend had the same issue of convincing his parents.. His parents were nice to me but they too had the issue of what society will think but with passing years that has changed and now they are convinced... I had told my parents about him just recently when they were trying to find a groom for me who was also a engineer (my father's friend son)... My parents initially were happy to know that I have someone but the moment they knew he is of upper caste they are against me.. my mom even said that if he were a doctor of upper caste then also it would be fine... but now my mom has started blackmailing me that if you marry him we will abandon you and the society will look down on you and they will make me feel outcast and even threatened of killing and making a court case against my boyfriend.. My mother even said that you will be seen as a shame to our society... She even is saying that the boy wants to marry you for your money but the fact is his both the parents are in gov job and he too is in growth phase...He and I both know each other since the school days (10yr relationship till now) My father has stopped talking to me ... My mom has faced domestic violence still she is supporting marrying a unknown man even if he has some bad behaviour but he should be of our clan...now she even said some friends(boys )name from my medical College batch of my caste knowing they are my good friends to even marry them while she was against one of them after seeing one of them saying he is not good looking(before knowing I had a bf and suspected my friend to be my bf) ....She is even claiming that if in future if I marry their choice and something doesn't go right then also it's going to be my fault and she is saying if I marry in my clan and get divorced also I will find someone again of my clan... I even told her how can you say such things being a women but still she is like No... If you marry in our community you will stay happy... But in my own home both my father and mother can't tolerate each other for more than 2 days.. my father has job away from home... She isn't listening anything and ignoring all my points and calling me names and characterless... They are even saying they won't allow me inside the home if I marry him.... My whole life I have compromised myself even didn't allow me study at a good college during 12th because it was far from town and made me study at such a institute where most of the time teachers were changed.....even in such a situation I did my best to score good .... During the coaching time my mom even humiliated me for my looks and cursed me for being a girl... despite all these going I did my duties...But the moment I gained success she takes all the credit... But now that I have told them she is starting to treat me like an asset... She is forcing me to leave him by not telling him now and to ditch him... And also telling that you don't know but you won't be happy in their house... What did you see in himm? And telling me duffer But his family has helped me a lot in my job and never ill behaved with me or said bad about me even when they weren't convinced.. I don't know what to do now.. I had so much already going on since childhood... My bf is supportive be it my studies or job he always helps me out even if he isn't near me .... I tell him everything about what my parents are telling about him still he calms me down.. I know he must me hurt listening to all these things but still he keeps a smile on his face saying keep trying and if u need me I too will help you in this situation.... I don't want to loose such a person...

Ans: At 25, as a doctor and a working professional, you are capable of making your own life decisions. That doesn’t mean it will be easy—you may face temporary estrangement from your parents, and their words may hurt—but living a life based on fear and control will hurt you far more in the long run. A marriage built on respect, equality, and understanding is more valuable than one arranged only to satisfy social expectations.
Practical next steps: give yourself time to stand firm emotionally. Have calm but clear conversations with your parents, reminding them that you’re grateful for their care but your choice of life partner is yours to make. Don’t engage in shouting matches—draw boundaries when they cross into threats. At the same time, keep strengthening your bond with your partner, since his consistency is your biggest support system. If things escalate, be prepared to lean on legal protections for your safety and your right to marry.
You are not “characterless” or “a shame.” You are a strong, educated woman who has fought against odds to become a doctor, and you deserve the right to choose love freely. The real shame would be abandoning yourself to please a society that has never walked in your shoes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1796 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Mam i am in relationship for 9 years now..he became my boyfriend when i shifted in my new house he was my neighbour..i was in 10th when i got caught and since then my parents hate my boyfriend , i apologized to my parents then and said to have no contact with my boyfriend but 9 years down the lane ..we are totally connected and living a peaceful healthy relationship..my parents hate my boyfriend and his family to the core..my relationship with ny parents are.mixed someday they will be super nice to me , another day they will abuse me for evn small things..we have ups and down in our relationship but i love them a lott , i want to care of them in their old age..but at this point i want to talk to them about my boyfriend but seeinng that they hate him so much i am literally very very afraid that my parents will hate me to their core knowing about someone i want to marry whoom they hate soo much ..... i don't know how will they react .. i am been through physcial and verbal abuse earlier too but i don't know how much worse it can get this time..for them the girl who marry their parents choice is the best in the world..my boyfriend and i have no caste issue its just the ego issues with my parents they think karrying into that house they will never able to have good enough respect though my mother and his mother talk..but that too my mother bitch a lott about her mother for even nonsensical things..i am 24 now and preparing for government exam ...i am soo much stress knowing i have to choose between my love or my parents.....i think so even if i marry him with their superficail consent they will never be happy woth me..and can even cut contacts with me...i don't know what to do i have no elder in my house to make parents explain...mam plss show me some path
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No where have you mentioned what your boyfriend does for a living? Could this be the reason that your parents refuse to acknowledge your relationship?
Parents want the best for their children but at times their own beliefs on love marriages etc can come in the way. Since you are an adult, it is time to actually start acting like one. My suggestion is to have a conversation with them and understand the reason for their refusal to accept your boyfriend. If it is one of society and family objection, then you know how to handle it BUT if their concern is more about his character or his job, you both need to make an effort to take away that concern so that they accept all this wholeheartedly.
Find the reason and things will become clearer as to how you must handle the situation.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1796 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 17, 2025

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Relationship
Iam 27 years old .me and my boyfriend were in relationship from the last 5 years.he is my childhood class met.during corona time we reconnected through social media .we are from same place .initially we both were good friends later we decided to start our relationship.i belong to low caste.and he belongs to upper caste.in those 5 years we shared our happiness, sorrows together .he was with me in every situation.he helped me emotionally mentally and financially.every thing went well .we planned out future together.later our parents got to know about our relationship.i convinced my parents.but his parents are not accepting our love because of my low caste..i even took my father and brother along with me to talk with his mother . I even begged his mother by touching her feet to accept our love.she told me that she wants to do his sons marriage with a girl who belong to their caste. His parents are telling him that they will leave the home town and go somewhere else if he marries me.my boyfriend is telling me that his parents especially his mothers health will be effected if he marry me and asking me to move on..I asked me that whether he is ok to marry the girls of their parents choice..he told me that he doesn't have any option other than listing to his parents..I'm totally devasted .I'm suffering with anxiety, depression and continuous thoughts ..i want him.he also loves me but he is not daring to marry mee.he is worrying about his parents..how to deal with this situation..pls help mee
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Honestly, drop him...the reason for this must be obvious to you by now. When he is not willing to take a stand for his love, what makes you think he's ever going to support you later in life?
Also, maybe he does not want to or fears going against his family. How can you change that? Surely your love isn't enough to convince him of being with you in this relationship; then what else can?

It's going to be hard to get away from all those feelings BUT you are better off without someone who is unable to take a stand for you. And when it comes to anxiety, practice deep breathing...it does help...If this is getting unbearable, then do seek professional help from someone who can guide you through this break-up and thereafter healing.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |663 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 10, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 05, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi mam, I am a girl from st caste,26yr and my bf is from general caste 28yr . I am a doctor by profession and he is an civil engineer.We are in relationship since school time (10 yrs) My bf family are happy to make me their daughter in law but when I conveyed my parents about my relationship they have become so against my love. They are telling all the wrong things about with fake assumptions without even knowing him. My mom has become extreme narcissist. I told her initially about how he has been a supportive factor in my life yet she is falsely claiming that love marriages are not good and saying things about my bf and his family that my bf doesn't love me for who I am and doing things for money despite knowing that he earns well and his both parents are working in govt job. Whatever I am telling her she has baseless reason to claim that it's false.. That he is lying about his salary.. His parents are very simple people yet she has told one of the astrologer that his parents are after me and my money after which the astrologer is twisting fake stories because the astrologer is being paid handsomely for saying things in their favour.. I even showed another astrologer my kundli without telling things about my home situation... None of the things matches the previous one... Infact the one I showed my kundali said things that every problem has solutions and he was more ethical towards his profession. My mother is blinded both by astrologer and my relatives that she is saying things which I never expected. Within this time period she even gave threat to me that people will kill me and also him.. She even is glorifying this act... Even after listening to all this my bf is patient. She even is denying to meet him.. but without even knowing him she is telling all the bad things about him.. while he and his paarents has always respected my family.. My mother is even forcing me to see a 20 yr older man. When I told her how can she even think of allowing such a proposal, she is asking me that relationships don't matter because there is nothing such as love society Matter.. u have to adjust.. even when I told her if she get me married in a arrange marriage if things don't go right whether she will take stand for me or not.. she replied that after that it's ur responsibility it will be ur fault if things don't go right... I am literally shattered that my own mom doesn't want my good and she has Crossed all the boundaries... I don't know what to do now because u make understand someone who is in the state of understanding or wants ur good... She even has poisoned my fathers mind Still m not giving up, even after this.. only thing I am happy is my bf is still ready to fight for uss
Ans: stop trying to justify your love to people who’ve already decided not to believe you. Instead, focus on protecting your peace and standing firm in your truth. You’re an educated, independent doctor, and your partner has been loyal, patient, and respectful — this is a mature, stable relationship, not a teenage impulse. You both have already proven your compatibility through the way you handle this crisis together.
The more your mother sees you begging or explaining, the more power she feels. Calmly draw boundaries — tell her you respect her opinion, but this is your life and you will take responsibility for your choices. Do not engage in heated arguments or threats; that only fuels her anger. Instead, distance yourself emotionally for a while — sometimes silence speaks louder than resistance.
You can also reach out to a neutral family elder, a counselor, or someone your parents respect to mediate a conversation. Often, hearing from an external voice helps them see what emotion blinds them to.
And most importantly, keep your focus on your mental health and future. Continue your work, stay grounded, and lean on your boyfriend’s support. It’s rare to have a partner who stays patient through such pressure — that’s your strength. You can’t fix your mother’s mindset, but you can choose how much of her chaos you let affect your peace.
If this battle continues and your safety or peace is at risk, you have every right to make independent choices — legally, emotionally, and personally. Love built on respect and mutual support is worth protecting, even if it means standing up to the people you love most.

..Read more

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