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28-Year-Old Introverted Male Seeking Advice on Marriage and Avoiding Gold Diggers

Ravi Mittal |551 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Mar 21, 2025

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Asked by Anonymous - Mar 17, 2025Hindi

I am 28 and now my parents are constantly poking me for marriage. It's not like I don't want to get married. I want to but a part of me is also scared. It's not just a new thing for me, being an introvert and a nerd, I never had that much interaction with females in school and college and having worked from home for 5 years now, I barely interacted with anybody from the office either. So I am an extreme noob when it comes to flirting or mixing with girls. My point is, I don't smoke and drink and I would expect the same from my partner. I see my friends smoking, drinking to their fullest and passing out, their male friends holding them by the waist and shoulders and helping them walk, they are staying back at their male best friend's house or going back home late at 2 o'clock in the night... I don't know if that's right or wrong but I am not used to such life. So I would hope my partner stays out of these things. But I don't have a single person in my friend circle who doesn't smoke and drink. So it makes me wonder if at all there are women who refrain from these addictions! What if she turns out to be a gold digger? What if she marries me and after a year, slams fake cases on me and my family and demands a heavy alimony? I would be shattered. I know women have fears too - what if the man turns out to be violent and thrashes her up! We men also have the same fears. Arranged marriage is scary and is a game of luck. Not that love marriage is any better; even though you think you know the other person inside out, the cat comes out of the box only after marriage. I am confused. Can you guide me.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand where your concerns stem from; and just like you said, women have equal concerns, if not more. But look at all the marriages around you- are they all bad? I would say focus on the good things. And about smoking and drinking- people have their own preferences. Some like it and some don't. I am sure there are many women who are dead against any form of addiction and they can be a good match for you. Having said it all, I would also like to say that you should not get married till you are mentally prepared for it. If it scares you so much right now, it would not be the right decision to get involved with someone and end up projecting your fears on them and doubting them for no reason. Take your time and observe other relationships- see the happy side of it and try to gauge if you want that. I would also say that love marriage might work better for you, because it will have slightly less "surprise element" to it.
But again, do not rush. Let it happen organically. You are only 28.
Hope this helps