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44-Year-Old Widow Seeking Advice After Emotional Affair with Married Man

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |455 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 19, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Mam.. I'm 44 yrs female widow resides with my 2 children and my MIL. In the year 2022 i lost my husband due to heart attack and currently working in state government education department. Last year i joined a social media group and interact with a person. He is a married man but we both agreed to this relationship. This is our anniversary year and since from starting of this month he is acting differently. No calls, no messages, only does when it is suitable to his time frame. There were difference of options and fights included which we both denying. Earlier it was not like this. We met thrice in a year. Since I'm emotionally committed to the person I can't forget him and don't even want to move on but it seems there is nothing left between this relationship anymore, especially my intuition sensing the future. Kindly help me and suggest what I can do to overcome this. TIA.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand your need for emotional intimacy, but it isn't advisable to expect or foster that from a married man. I am not sure about his marital arrangements, but it is still unethical. Now, coming to how he is behaving, if he is acting uninterested, chances are he has lost interest in you. You can either try to have a clear discussion about the same with him, or hold your head high and move on.

Trust me, as difficult as it seems, you will move on with time. Do not undervalue yourself. You deserve to be loved and loved completely.

Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1362 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 05, 2022

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Dear Anu, I started a relationship with this guy, who I met on a dating app like a year back. I started to like him and everything was going fine. We started talking and soon our conversations steered towards talking about our future. However, he suddenly told me out of nowhere that he is a divorcee. His marriage was called off at the altar due to dowry issues. He and his family are embroiled in a dowry case which is going on. I was shocked and wanted to know the entire truth but he never came clear about what exactly happened. He told me that he cannot think of marriage and the future and wants to keep it casual. I was heartbroken and we fought a lot after which he suddenly stopped talking. After sometime he started talking again and said that he wants me back. He always makes plans to meet in hotels and spend nights with him. I started to grow distant, stopped taking his calls and tried to push him out. I also started to look out for matches, based on my age. I am 32, but nothing is materialising there. I started missing him and recently messaged him again. I lied to him that I am getting hitched and he said ‘okay let’s meet and spend a night together.’ I really don't know. I am amused that all he is really interested in is getting into my pants all the time. I am genuinely in love with him and he says it again now also he loves me. But his thoughts and words are not in sync. I am just not able to get over him. I have been trying hard since I decided to move on. Some thing or the other brings me back to him again and again. I am becoming more lonely, depressed all the more coz the marriage thing is also not picking up and I have no one.Please help.
Ans:

Dear BG,
What does it tell you about a person when he chooses to hide the fact that he is a divorcee and that too with a reason like dowry?

Doesn’t this ring any bell for you as a sign to the fact that he possibly can never be trusted when he can’t come clean with his life story?

And now the complication of being physically involved has added a dimension that makes you want to be around him even more?

The very fact that you have written to me is because you are revaluating your thoughts about him and GOOD, you must and ask yourself:

Is he really worth my love, time and energy?

Has he done anything to earn my trust?

If it’s a big NO, you know that this guy isn’t the last man on the planet and that just because you are unable to find a suitable life partner, you need to settle for this man.

No, you don’t need to settle and pine for someone who has not bothered to take your feelings into considerations and not much of thought as to: if she finds out about my past, how will she react?

So let me be the one to tell her rather than she hear it from someone else.

Instead, he chooses to defend his decision of hiding this and to top it all stops talking to you.

Why exactly is he playing the victim when he isn’t? Because, he feels that it isn’t his problem and that it is yours and that you need to be making all the adjustments IF you want a future with him.

Did all this give you a good perspective?

Do the right thing and Love yourself. All the best.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |455 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 14, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2023Hindi
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Dear sir, I am a widow of 44 yrs reputed officer and I am also working at a reputed post. I have a daughter also. 2 yrs back I gave a matrimoni adv on a online site for remarriage. I received a call from an Sr. Scientist. I was serious about this because he was a nice educated fellow and working as scientist, his case of divorce was in process, which he told that it is going to over soon. After around two months talk over the phone I liked the person and I met him. I liked him, later I invited him at my place as well as I also visited his place we came close to each other physically. Every thing was going fine he shared so many things about his family and wife as well as I also shared. Everything was going on fine suddenly he changed his nature and started avoiding and ignoring me. He told me that I will bring you my home nicely. Now we have fought. I am telling home to meet face to face. he is threatening me and me that if you will meet me and co e toy place will ruin you. Now he is running from me and telling go away and blocked me from all social media. He has used me and left me after wasting my two years. I am at a juncture of life that after my daughter I will be alone. Now after this cheating i have got so scared that not able to belive on any one. What should I do? Should I meet him once at his place? Should I tell all story to his father? I feel depression and anxiety. What should I do pl suggest.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear about the issues you are facing. You certainly did not deserve it. I suggest you hold your head high and do not contact him again. If he has blocked you and is trying to cut you out of his life, that's his loss. You are missing nothing losing a man like that. Count your blessings that you did not end up committing to him and bringing your daughter into the equation. Look at the bright side; you dodged a bullet.

There are plenty of kind and genuine men who would be lucky to partner up with you. Do not give up on love. Take your time; heal from this. I am sure it isn't easy to get back into the dating field and, on top of everything, have an experience like this. But this is just one man; everyone is not the same. You will surely find someone much better and worthy. As for what to do with him- just leave. Do not try to contact and do not take him back if he tries to come back. You deserve more.

Best Wishes!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |455 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 14, 2024

Relationship
Hello, I m 21 female I m in a long distance relationship with 32 year male.this person was behind me and always asked me to give him a chance to prove his love for me. At that period i was afaird of relationships as I didn't have courage to go against wish of my parents as i know they wolud never agree for love marriage,so that is fir sure i'll do arrange Marriage. All these things have been explained by my side to this person.He gad feelings for me thats what he showed to me even I felt a connection towards him, so we decided let's not commit anything anout marraige as we both wee not sure about these thing. After some time i realised these person has already made his mind ki he'll date me and he wanted to have everything that an relationship has but he will not marry me.But i m completely in love with.Even i told him about it ki I can't share him n won't be able to see him.with someone else.i just can't imagine myself without him. I fought with him even begged and cried but he always defend his self sayi g i told already ki he loves me and will keep loving me but will not marry me . He vists me after 6-9 months interval every time he visuts me he needs to have physical relationship. I don't know whether I m right or wrong but i feel like I m being used by him. I tried several time to end this relationship but i end up chasing him.Plz help me,guide me
Ans: Dear Rutuja,
If you have the slightest feeling that he doesn't share the same feelings for you as you do for him, or that he has wrong intentions, you have every right to end the relationship. In fact, that would be the right thing to do. I understand that it is difficult to break up with someone you love, but does he love you? Don't you think you deserve someone who loves you and does not make you feel as if you are being used?

Have a clear conversation with him- address all your concerns. If he still maintains his stand of not getting married to you, then let him know that you are not on the same page as him. Remember, for a relationship to work, your future goals need to align.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

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Dr Anshuman

Dr Anshuman Manaswi  |6 Answers  |Ask -

Plastic-Aesthetic Surgeon, Emergency Care Consultant - Answered on Dec 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2024Hindi
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Dear Doctor, I work as a corporate lawyer in Delhi. I’ve been considering undergoing a cosmetic procedure for my skin for some time now, but I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by the number of surgeons available. I want to ensure that I choose someone who is experienced, as this is a big decision for me. Could you advise what I should look for when selecting a plastic-aesthetic surgeon? Are there any specific red flags I should be aware of when researching potential surgeons? I want to make sure I’m in safe hands. I’m 40 years old.
Ans: This is a beautiful question.
Before I dwell on your question, there are a few points which are very important for the patient to know.
1. You should roughly know what result you wish to have.
2. Never think of a perfect result. There is no such result.
3. You must think in terms of improvement and if you are sble to achieve more than 90% approx, it can be considred good.
4. Dont compare your results with any celebrity's result. There body structure is different, they have probably taken better care till now and importantly, the result you see on a public platform is after make up and not the real result. Some times it may be a photoshopped image
5. Let your doctor know if you have any medical history and addictions.
6. Don't go with pre concieved notion (especially if you have researched a lot online). Discuss with the doctor, listen to his/ her views and raise your concerns if any
7. Try and see some results of the doctors work (Remember, too good a result may not be the true result). Realistic result is what you should want to look at and believe.
8. Don't fall for less budget! its obvious a meticulous job needs more surgical time. This means that the doctor may charge more. Seniority also adds to the cost.
What I mean, there is a price to be paid for a good job.(whether medical or anywhere).
Now coming to the Plastic surgeon's choice.
1. Research well, but dont fall prey to only advertisement. Small and big centers, both advertise,
2. Dont fall for glamour. You are going to a surgeon. A plastic surgeon's clinic is clean but not lavish generally. At least I believe that the person coming is not a client, but a patient. A patient - Doctor relationship is more pure than a client-Professional relationship.
3. Talk and discuss with the doctor. A too busy doctor may not always be the best doctor for you. Plastic surgery is about thinking, planning and execution. A doctor who thinks aloud about your problem ( especially if ut us face, nose, breast etc) is applying his/ her knowledge for your betterment, because every oerson is different.
4. Check the resilts? Look for genuinity.
5. Be wary of arrogant, loud and boisterous people. There is a difference between confidence and fambloyence.
6. Doctors who are attached to reputed hospitals are generally good in their work.
7. A doctor who can talk about probable complications is also a doctor worth trusting.
I hope I am able to do justice to this difficult question. All the best. You can write again if you need any other clarifications.
Dr. Anshuman Manaswi

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