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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 09, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Pritam Question by Pritam on Mar 04, 2024Hindi
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i am Working as a sales head 12,00,000 Per Annum CTC so Im Invested 1,50,000=00 in ELSS SIP,Monthly rent 24,000=00 and Medical Insurance 26,550==00 So please Suggest minimum TDS how to save

Ans: You cannot directly control the TDS (Tax Deducted at Source) that your employer deducts from your salary. However, you can certainly minimize your tax liability by claiming various deductions and exemptions offered by the Income Tax department. Here's what you can do:

Submit Investment Proofs: Ensure you submit Form 16C to your employer reflecting your ELSS investment of Rs 1,50,000. This will help them adjust the TDS deducted throughout the financial year.

HRA Exemption: If you are paying rent, claim the House Rent Allowance (HRA) exemption as per your rent agreement. You can claim the least of these:

Actual HRA received
50% of your salary (for metro cities) or 40% (for non-metro cities)
Actual rent paid minus 10% of your salary
Medical Insurance: The premium paid for your medical insurance (Rs 26,550) is deductible under Section 80D. Submit the premium payment receipts to your employer for claiming this deduction.

By claiming these deductions, you can significantly reduce your taxable income, which will in turn minimize your overall tax liability.

Additional Tips:

You can explore other deductions under sections like 80C (children's education fees, etc.) or 80G (charitable donations) if applicable.
Talk to a tax advisor for personalized advice based on your specific circumstances. They can help you optimize your tax deductions and filing strategy.
Remember, proper tax planning can help you save money and make your investments more efficient.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 22, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello .. I am 33 years old me and both me and my husband have started saving recently. We stay in mumbai and combined earn 3.2 lacs per month after tax. However due to different financial obligations and family responsibilities we are unable to do any savings. We have to spend about 80k for family and we also have different loans and obligations. Please provide us advise to invest and save better
Ans: It's commendable that despite financial obligations and family responsibilities, you're looking to pave a path towards savings and investment. Balancing present needs with future goals can indeed be a tightrope walk.

Firstly, let's look at your expenses. Allocating 80k for family expenses is a significant chunk of your income. While family comes first, there may be areas where you can optimize spending without compromising on essentials.

Given your combined income of 3.2 lacs post-tax, even a small percentage saved can make a difference over time. Start by creating a budget that outlines all your monthly expenses and identifies areas where you can cut back.

For savings and investments, consider starting small with a systematic investment plan (SIP). It allows you to invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds. Even a modest monthly SIP can accumulate into a substantial sum over time, thanks to the power of compounding.

Lastly, review your loans and obligations. Are there opportunities to refinance at lower interest rates or consolidate debts? This could free up some funds for savings.

Remember, financial planning is a journey, not a destination. It's okay to start small. The key is consistency and patience. With time, as your income grows and obligations reduce, you'll find it easier to save and invest more. Best of luck on your financial journey!

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

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Hello sir My salary is 70k.my home loan EMI is 23000. Personal loan EMI is 18000. And credit card expenses also. Please guide how I save money
Ans: I understand that managing multiple loan EMIs along with credit card expenses can be challenging, but with a strategic approach, you can effectively save money and improve your financial situation. Here are some steps to consider:

Evaluate Your Expenses
Genuine Compliments on recognizing the need to save money despite your financial commitments. Start by reviewing your monthly expenses, including necessities like rent, utilities, groceries, and discretionary spending. Identify areas where you can cut back or eliminate unnecessary expenses.

Prioritize Debt Repayment
Your home loan, personal loan, and credit card debts are likely accruing high-interest charges, making them priority areas for repayment. Allocate a significant portion of your monthly income towards clearing off these debts as quickly as possible to reduce interest payments and free up more money for savings.

Create a Budget
Develop a realistic monthly budget that accounts for your essential expenses, debt repayments, and savings goals. Stick to your budget religiously and track your spending regularly to ensure you're staying on track. Consider using budgeting apps or spreadsheets to streamline the process.

Emergency Fund
Building an emergency fund is crucial to cover unexpected expenses or financial emergencies without resorting to further borrowing. Aim to save at least 3-6 months' worth of living expenses in a high-yield savings account or liquid investment that you can easily access when needed.

Automate Savings
Set up automatic transfers from your salary account to a separate savings account or investment account each month. This "pay yourself first" approach ensures that you prioritize savings before spending and helps cultivate a consistent saving habit over time.

Review and Negotiate
Regularly review your expenses and look for opportunities to negotiate better deals or lower interest rates on your loans and credit cards. Explore options such as balance transfers or loan refinancing to consolidate debt and reduce interest costs.

Additional Income Streams
Consider exploring additional sources of income, such as freelancing, part-time work, or selling unused items, to supplement your salary and accelerate debt repayment. Every extra rupee earned can make a significant difference in achieving your financial goals.

Seek Professional Advice
As a Certified Financial Planner, I'm here to provide personalized guidance and support tailored to your specific financial situation and goals. I can help you develop a comprehensive financial plan that addresses debt management, savings strategies, and long-term financial security.

Conclusion
In conclusion, by prioritizing debt repayment, creating a budget, building an emergency fund, automating savings, reviewing expenses, exploring additional income streams, and seeking professional advice, you can effectively save money and improve your financial well-being despite your existing financial commitments.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 22, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 33 years old and earning 1.5L per month. I have personal loan of emi 46k and car loan of 22k per month. I have started an SIP of 10k per month and I do have 2 LICs around 70k per year. As of now I don't have any savings and most of my salary is going to these emis credit card bills. I need help in better financial planning and save at least 1CR in next 10 years. Pls suggest.
Ans: It's commendable that you're seeking guidance to improve your financial situation. Let's delve into a comprehensive plan to help you achieve your goal of saving 1 crore in the next 10 years.

Current Financial Snapshot
Firstly, let's assess your current financial standing. With an income of 1.5 lakhs per month, you're earning a decent salary. However, your EMIs for personal and car loans are consuming a significant portion of your income, leaving little room for savings. It's essential to address this imbalance to pave the way for wealth accumulation.

Debt Management Strategy
Your priority should be to reduce high-interest debt. While EMIs are essential commitments, consider evaluating options to refinance or consolidate your loans to lower interest rates. This would alleviate some financial burden, allowing you to allocate more towards savings.

Optimizing Expenses
Review your expenses meticulously to identify areas where you can cut back. Analyze your monthly spending patterns and distinguish between essential and discretionary expenses. Trim unnecessary costs and redirect those funds towards debt repayment and savings.

Emergency Fund
Building an emergency fund is imperative to handle unexpected expenses without resorting to additional borrowing. Aim to set aside at least 3 to 6 months' worth of living expenses in a liquid, accessible account. This fund acts as a financial safety net during unforeseen circumstances like medical emergencies or job loss.

Strategic Investment Approach
Your SIP and LIC policies are steps in the right direction, but optimizing your investment strategy can yield better returns. Instead of solely relying on LIC policies, explore diverse investment avenues tailored to your risk appetite and financial goals. Consider diversified mutual funds managed by seasoned professionals to maximize growth potential.

Retirement Planning
It's never too early to plan for retirement. Allocate a portion of your savings towards retirement accounts like EPF or PPF, which offer tax benefits and long-term growth potential. Additionally, consider investing in retirement-focused mutual funds to build a robust corpus for your golden years.

Wealth Creation Roadmap
To achieve your target of 1 crore in 10 years, you'll need a disciplined approach to wealth creation. Calculate the monthly savings required to reach this goal, factoring in inflation and investment returns. Adjust your budget accordingly to ensure you're consistently contributing towards your financial objectives.

Regular Financial Reviews
Periodic reviews of your financial plan are essential to track progress and make necessary adjustments. As life circumstances change, your financial strategy should evolve accordingly. Consult with a Certified Financial Planner regularly to fine-tune your plan and stay on course towards your wealth-building goals.

Conclusion
In conclusion, by adopting a strategic approach to debt management, expense optimization, and diversified investments, you can pave the way towards financial freedom and achieve your goal of saving 1 crore in the next decade. Remember, consistency and discipline are key ingredients for success on this journey to wealth creation.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 14, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi I am 28yrs old , my monthly in-hand salary is 1lakh , currently I am paying previous personal loans after October I'm debt free , currently I am investing ELSS mutual funds monthly 5k and lic moneback policy for monthly 5k , and investing in gold monthly 6k . Suggest me how to save money which gave me bulk amount to buy a 3bhk house in metropolitan city and retirement plan.
Ans: Current Financial Situation

You are 28 years old with a monthly in-hand salary of Rs 1 lakh. You are currently paying off personal loans, which will be completed by October. Your current investments include Rs 5,000 in ELSS mutual funds, Rs 5,000 in a LIC moneyback policy, and Rs 6,000 in gold.

Post-Debt Investment Strategy

Once your loans are cleared, you will have more disposable income. This is an excellent opportunity to reallocate your funds towards achieving your goals.

Building a House Fund

Increase SIP in Mutual Funds:

Post-October, consider increasing your ELSS SIP. Additionally, diversify into other mutual funds like large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds. This will help you build a substantial corpus over time.
Liquid Funds for Short-Term Goals:

Park a portion of your savings in liquid funds. This ensures liquidity while earning better returns than a savings account.
Fixed Deposits (FDs):

Consider investing a part in FDs for a fixed return. This adds stability to your portfolio.

Retirement Planning

Diversified Mutual Funds:

Continue with your ELSS for tax benefits and long-term growth. Also, add balanced funds and debt funds to ensure a stable return.
Public Provident Fund (PPF):

Start investing in PPF for safe, long-term returns and tax benefits. It has a lock-in period but offers attractive interest rates.
National Pension System (NPS):

Invest in NPS for retirement. It offers market-linked returns and additional tax benefits under Section 80CCD(1B).

Reevaluate LIC Policy

LIC moneyback policies typically offer lower returns. Consider switching to term insurance for higher coverage at a lower premium. Redirect the savings into mutual funds for better returns.

Gold Investments

Gold is a good hedge but typically offers lower returns. Keep it as a smaller portion of your portfolio. Diversify into other assets for better growth.

Final Insights

To buy a 3BHK in a metropolitan city, you need a disciplined savings and investment approach. Increase your mutual fund SIPs post-debt, start a PPF and NPS, and reevaluate your LIC policy. Diversifying your investments will help you build a substantial corpus for both your house and retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Career
This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
Ans: The SSC CGL descriptive paper requires a clear, structured, and effective presentation. To improve your essay writing skills, review the subject matter thoroughly and avoid deviations from the central theme. Sketch an initial outline and adhere to a straightforward framework, including an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion. Start with a hook and express your thesis or stance in a concise manner. Arrange arguments in a logical order, using data, examples, and facts to establish credibility. Avoid repetition and maintain brevity.

In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

For writing a letter, adhere to the conventional format, maintain clarity and conciseness, and articulate the purpose in the first paragraph. Use simple language and avoid intricate terminology.

Regularly engage in writing essays and correspondence on various subjects to develop adaptability. Stay informed about the latest news and hot topics. Develop time management skills and consistently proofread your work for errors.

Developing impactful essays and letters with clarity, structure, and content relevance enhances your chances of success in the SSC CGL descriptive paper. All The Best for Your Prosperous Future.

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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
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How to manage stress?
Ans: The first step is to become aware of what triggers your stress. This self-awareness allows you to address the root causes rather than just the symptoms. Once you identify these triggers, you can start exploring techniques that help you cope effectively.

One effective approach is to incorporate regular self-care practices into your daily routine. This could include activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. These practices not only help calm the mind but also improve your overall mood and resilience to stress.

Talking to someone you trust, whether a friend, family member, or professional, can also be a powerful way to manage stress. Sharing your feelings and experiences helps lighten the emotional load and provides different perspectives that might help you navigate your challenges more effectively.

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Remember to give yourself permission to rest and recharge. Adequate sleep, a balanced diet, and time for relaxation are essential for managing stress. When you take care of your body and mind, you're better equipped to handle life's demands.

Lastly, cultivating a mindset of gratitude and mindfulness can help you stay present and appreciate the positive aspects of your life, even during stressful times. These practices can create a sense of balance and help you respond to stress in healthier, more constructive ways. By integrating these approaches into your life, you can build resilience and find a sense of peace amidst the chaos.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
Ans: The key here is to approach the situation with empathy and open communication. Your husband likely feels a strong sense of duty towards his parents, which is understandable given cultural and familial expectations. However, it’s also important for him to recognize the commitments and plans you’ve both made as a couple. Balancing these two responsibilities can be difficult, but it’s essential for the health of your relationship.

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Encourage him to discuss his feelings and the pressure he’s experiencing from his parents. Sometimes, partners may feel caught between their familial obligations and their commitments to their spouse, leading to stress and internal conflict. Understanding his point of view can help you find common ground.

You might also explore practical solutions together, such as setting clear boundaries on financial support or finding a compromise that allows both your goals and his familial obligations to be met to some extent. This could involve budgeting, setting financial priorities, or seeking financial counseling to help manage the situation more effectively.

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Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
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Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I are from different cultural backgrounds. She has always felt a strong spiritual connection to events like the Kumbh Mela. Earlier this year, while booking the tickets she had asked if I would like to join her as she is travelling solo. While I respect her beliefs, I refused to join because I am not a religious person. Now that she has booked her tickets, I am worried about her safety. Should I tell her to cancel her trip? I don't want her to think that I am disrespecting her choices or religion. Or should I just tag along and make her feel safe? How do I address these concerns and have a healthy conversation?
Ans: Start by having an honest conversation with her. Share your feelings about her safety in a caring and non-confrontational way. Let her know that your concern comes from a place of love and care, not from a lack of respect for her spiritual journey. It’s important to express that you understand her desire to attend the Kumbh Mela and that you support her connection to this event.

If you’re considering joining her, it could be a gesture of solidarity and support, even if you’re not personally invested in the spiritual aspect. However, it’s crucial to approach this as a way to share the experience together and ensure her safety, rather than as an obligation or with reluctance. If you decide to join her, communicate that you’re doing so because you want to be there for her, which could strengthen your relationship.

On the other hand, if you feel strongly about not attending due to personal beliefs, you can suggest other ways to support her. This might include discussing safety plans or staying in close communication while she’s there. This approach shows that you trust her decisions while still being there for her in a supportive way.

Ultimately, the conversation should aim to understand each other’s perspectives and find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable and respected. Balancing your care for her safety with respect for her independence and beliefs is key to maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide
Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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My age is 48 years and i have one son aged 17 years and i am single son of my parents ,one and half year back my wife expired and upon insisted by my parents and close relatives i got remarried and she has one girl aged 8 years, after passing of six months she has started showing her true colors and it has become very difficult for me to continue and i want to get rid of this . Please guide me what should i do now.
Ans: Dear Dinesh,
it’s important to reflect on what is making the relationship difficult. Understanding the specific issues—whether they stem from differences in values, communication problems, or other conflicts—can provide clarity on how to move forward.

If you haven't already, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sometimes, addressing issues directly can lead to resolutions or at least a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be a valuable tool in navigating these challenges and deciding the best course of action.

However, if you’ve already tried addressing these issues and find that the relationship is still untenable, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. It’s important to prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, as well as that of your son and stepdaughter. Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved, but staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship can have long-term negative impacts on everyone.

As you contemplate your next steps, it’s also important to lean on your support system. Friends, family, or a counselor can provide guidance and help you navigate this difficult period. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children, as they look to you for stability and emotional guidance. Making decisions that lead to a healthier and happier environment for everyone involved is ultimately the most important goal.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024
Relationship
Hello mam.I know a girl since college days.She is married to a guy since last 15 years.Since last 3 years we had an affair.I did take her for granted after our 2 nd half 3 years of relationship.Since a year now she has been giving me some or the other reason such as she is not getting feeling for me,husband is taking much care now so cant handle our relationship,then she told she has some health issue and now recently she tells me she has been telling me indirectly since a year to move on as she was in a relationship with some guy whom she got attracted in a mutual connection.But now she has discontinued with him as well. We do chat on message and call sometime but now since a year she herself has stopped calling or messaging.She replies only when i message or call. I want her back in my life and improve my relationship with her.Please guide me to get her back and have a relationship with her as we had till last year.What steps should I take to win her heart back and make her mine?
Ans: The first step is to acknowledge and respect her current feelings and boundaries. It’s clear she’s navigating her own emotional journey and trying to find clarity in her life. Pressuring her or trying to win her back without considering her current stance may push her further away.

Instead, focus on open and honest communication. If you genuinely care for her, it’s important to express your feelings without being demanding. Share how you feel, but also be willing to listen to her perspective fully. Understand that love and relationships are mutual, and both parties need to feel connected and invested.

During this time, it’s also essential to reflect on your own needs and emotional well-being. Ask yourself if this relationship, as it currently stands, is fulfilling and healthy for you. Relationships can be complicated, and sometimes stepping back to allow both people space to understand their feelings can lead to a clearer path forward, whether that’s together or apart.

Ultimately, your focus should be on building healthy, honest connections and prioritizing emotional well-being for both yourself and the people involved. If there’s a possibility of rekindling the relationship, it will come from mutual understanding, respect, and willingness from both sides.

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