Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Retirement Planning at 35: How Can I Achieve My 2 Crore Corpus Target by 45 with a 5 Lac Savings & 1 Lac Monthly Income?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money

Hi sir/madam, My target is 2 crore corpus by 45 I just saved 5 lacs earning 1 lac per month.I do SIP in 4 SIP each of 5000 monthly. HDFC Flexi plan direct growth-5000, ICICI prudential bluechip fund direct-5000, Kotak flexi cap fund direct-5000, ICICI prudential transportation and logistics fund direct-5000 Please advice me to achieve my goal by 45 years currently I am 35y

Ans: To achieve a Rs 2 crore corpus by age 45, an SIP of Rs 60,000 per month with a 10% annual increase is indeed a strategic approach. Here’s how this plan can align with your target.

Calculating Your Path to Rs 2 Crore
Current SIP Investment: With a starting SIP of Rs 60,000 per month at a 12% CAGR, your investments have the potential to grow substantially over time.

Annual Step-Up: Increasing your SIP by 10% each year harnesses the power of compounding, helping you reach your goal faster. This incremental increase supports growth to match inflation and your rising income.

Expected Growth Rate: With a 12% CAGR, a disciplined 10-year investment horizon should help you accumulate approximately Rs 2 crore. This CAGR is reasonable for equity mutual funds based on historical performance.

Practical Benefits of This Strategy
Power of Compounding: The combination of a 10% step-up and 12% CAGR significantly accelerates growth, turning monthly contributions into substantial wealth over 10 years.

Simplicity in Execution: A single SIP contribution with a systematic increase each year streamlines your investment process, making it easier to manage.

Steps for Success
Commit to the Annual Step-Up: Consistently increasing SIP contributions is crucial. Even during years with market volatility, stick to the increase for long-term gains.

Portfolio Review with a Certified Financial Planner: Annual reviews ensure your portfolio remains aligned with your goals, especially as you approach the 10-year mark.

Final Insights
An SIP of Rs 60,000 with a 10% annual increase and 12% CAGR is a robust plan for reaching Rs 2 crore in 10 years. With disciplined investing and regular review, this strategy should help you reach your financial target by age 45.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Listen
Money
I'll give some details in brief about myself and my goals in points. 1) I am 28 presently working in PSU(Bank) unmarried. 2)I've started sip last month with 20k(2 small cap, 2 flexicap, 1 Midcap, 1 largecap fund). 3)my goal is to reach corpus of 1 crore in 15 years. 4) I want your guidance in achieving my goal. 5)presently I have not taken any loans so no EMI , also I've started RD of 7k per month.
Ans: It's fantastic that you're proactively planning for your financial future at such a young age. Here's a tailored guidance based on your details:

Start Early Advantage: Your decision to start SIPs and an RD at 28 is commendable. Starting early gives you a significant advantage in wealth accumulation due to the power of compounding.
Diversification: Your portfolio of SIPs in small-cap, flexi-cap, mid-cap, and large-cap funds shows good diversification across different segments of the market. Continue monitoring the performance of these funds and consider rebalancing if needed.
Goal Clarity: Your goal of reaching a corpus of 1 crore in 15 years is specific and measurable, which is crucial for effective financial planning. Keep reviewing your progress towards this goal periodically and make adjustments as necessary.
Regular Review: Stay updated with the performance of your investments and periodically review your financial plan. Consider increasing your SIP contributions over time as your income grows or if you have surplus funds.
Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an emergency fund set aside to cover unexpected expenses or financial setbacks. Aim to build an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of your living expenses.
Stay Informed: Continue educating yourself about personal finance and investment strategies. Consider seeking advice from a Certified Financial Planner for personalized guidance tailored to your specific financial situation and goals.
By staying disciplined, continuing your SIP contributions, and periodically reviewing your financial plan, you're on the right track to achieving your goal of reaching a corpus of 1 crore in 15 years. Keep up the good work, and remember that consistency and patience are key to long-term wealth creation.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Listen
Money
Hi sir, I am 35 years old unmarried . I earns 40000 per month (very secure job) . I already invested in small cap, mid cap fund mutual funds since march 2020 at the time of market low. Now my corpus is 12.5 lakhs. My current XIRR is 31.7%. Now i planed My monthly SIP is 25000 coming months. How many years i wair to achieve 1 crore corpus.
Ans: Crafting a Path to a 1 Crore Corpus
Achieving a significant financial milestone like a 1 crore corpus is indeed a commendable goal, and your proactive approach towards investing is admirable. Let's delve into a strategic plan to realize this objective:

Assessing Your Current Standing
Your current investment journey reflects a prudent decision to capitalize on market opportunities during the low phase, resulting in a commendable XIRR of 31.7%. This demonstrates your astute investment acumen and the potential for wealth accumulation.

Setting Realistic Expectations
While the allure of a 1 crore corpus is enticing, it's crucial to set realistic expectations considering your current income, investment contributions, and market conditions. With a monthly SIP of 25,000 INR, you're taking significant steps towards your financial goal.

Estimating Time Horizon
Given your current investment trajectory and assuming a moderate growth rate, achieving a 1 crore corpus can be estimated. However, it's essential to consider various factors such as market volatility, economic fluctuations, and personal financial commitments.

Mapping the Journey Ahead
Your commitment to increasing your SIP amount showcases your determination to expedite wealth accumulation. By consistently contributing to your investment portfolio and leveraging market opportunities, you're positioning yourself for long-term financial success.

Monitoring and Adaptation
As a Certified Financial Planner, I recommend maintaining a vigilant eye on your investment portfolio's performance and making necessary adjustments along the way. Regular reviews and portfolio rebalancing ensure alignment with your financial objectives and risk tolerance.

Conclusion
In conclusion, your proactive investment approach, coupled with disciplined savings habits, lays a solid foundation for achieving your financial aspirations. With perseverance, patience, and strategic planning, attaining a 1 crore corpus is within reach.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 08, 2024

Listen
Money
Iam 38 years old i need 5cr corpus in 55 years i have started sip of amount 7500 with 15% returns now value 1 lakh.
Ans: It's excellent that you're planning for your financial future by investing in SIPs. Here's a breakdown of your goal and how you can achieve it:

Goal: You aim to accumulate a corpus of 5 crore by the time you turn 55. This is a significant amount and requires disciplined investing over the years.
Current SIP: You've started with a monthly SIP of 7500 with an assumed return rate of 15%. At present, your SIP value is 1 lakh.
Investment Strategy:
Increase SIP Amount: Consider gradually increasing your SIP amount over time. As your income grows or expenses decrease, channel a higher portion towards your investments.
Diversify Portfolio: While it's great to have high-return expectations, it's crucial to diversify your portfolio to manage risk. Consider investing in a mix of equity, debt, and other asset classes.
Regular Review: Regularly review your investment portfolio and adjust your SIP amount or asset allocation as needed. Market conditions and personal circumstances can change, so it's essential to stay flexible.
Long-Term Perspective: Keep in mind that building a 5 crore corpus over the next 17 years requires patience and discipline. Stick to your investment plan even during market fluctuations, and avoid making impulsive decisions.
Professional Guidance: Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to fine-tune your investment strategy and ensure it aligns with your financial goals and risk tolerance.
Emergency Fund: While focusing on long-term goals, don't forget to maintain an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses. Aim for at least 6-12 months' worth of living expenses in a liquid and easily accessible account.
By following a systematic investment approach, staying committed to your financial goals, and seeking professional advice when needed, you can work towards building a substantial corpus for your future.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

Listen
Money
Age 34.Am doing sip in. quant elss 9k, tata infra MF 4k, SBI technology fund 7k , quant psu fund 3k , Nasdaq 500 for 2.5k and stocks with 15% returns. I also have efo around 2 lacs. I want to make corpus of 2cr in 10 years. Currently holding around 20laks
Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Position
You have made an excellent start in building a diversified investment portfolio. Your current investments include mutual funds and stocks, and you have an emergency fund of ?2 lakhs. Your goal to accumulate ?2 crores in 10 years is ambitious but achievable with the right strategy.

Evaluating Your Investments
Mutual Funds
Equity-Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS): Investing ?9,000 in ELSS funds is wise. These funds provide tax benefits under Section 80C and have the potential for high returns due to equity exposure.

Sector Funds: Your investments in infrastructure, technology, and PSU funds indicate a focus on specific sectors. While sector funds can offer high returns, they come with higher risks due to their limited diversification.

International Funds: Investing ?2,500 in the Nasdaq 500 fund adds geographical diversification. International funds can hedge against domestic market risks and offer exposure to global growth.

Stocks
Your stock investments are yielding a 15% return, which is commendable. Stocks can provide significant growth but require regular monitoring and expertise to manage risks effectively.

Emergency Fund
Maintaining an emergency fund of ?2 lakhs is prudent. This ensures financial security during unforeseen events without disrupting your investment strategy.

Recommendations for Portfolio Adjustments
Enhance Diversification
Balanced Allocation: Consider adding more diversified equity funds to balance the high-risk sector funds. Diversified funds reduce risk by spreading investments across various sectors.

Debt Funds: Incorporate some debt funds to provide stability to your portfolio. Debt funds are less volatile and can offer steady returns, balancing the high risk of equity investments.

Increase SIP Contributions
Annual Increase: Gradually increase your SIP contributions annually. This combats inflation and helps you reach your financial goal faster.

Top-Up SIPs: Utilize the top-up SIP option if available. This allows you to increase your SIP amounts periodically with ease.

Focus on High-Growth Assets
Actively Managed Funds: Continue focusing on actively managed funds rather than index funds. Actively managed funds can outperform the market through expert management.

Regular Fund Review: Regularly review the performance of your funds. Replace consistently underperforming funds with better-performing ones to optimize returns.

Tax Efficiency
Tax Planning: Ensure your investments are tax-efficient. ELSS funds are already part of your portfolio, but consider other tax-saving instruments as well.

Tax-Efficient Withdrawals: Plan withdrawals from your investments in a tax-efficient manner to maximize your net returns.

Achieving ?2 Crores in 10 Years
Targeted Growth Rate
Consistent Growth: Aim for a consistent annual growth rate of 12-15%. This is achievable with a well-diversified equity-focused portfolio.

Regular Monitoring: Regularly monitor your portfolio to ensure it stays on track. Adjust allocations based on market conditions and personal goals.

Risk Management
Portfolio Rebalancing: Periodically rebalance your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation. This helps in managing risk and optimizing returns.

Emergency and Contingency Planning: Maintain a robust emergency fund. Consider additional health and life insurance coverage as your family grows.

Long-Term Strategy
Financial Freedom
Calculate Future Expenses: Estimate your future monthly expenses considering inflation. This helps in determining the corpus needed for financial freedom.

Determine Retirement Corpus: Calculate the corpus required to generate a monthly income that covers your expenses. Use a conservative withdrawal rate to ensure the longevity of your corpus.

Continuous Learning
Stay Updated: Keep learning about market trends and investment strategies. This enhances your decision-making and helps in optimizing returns.

Professional Guidance: Regularly consult a certified financial planner. They provide expert advice on portfolio management, tax planning, and goal setting.

Conclusion
Your current investment strategy is strong and well-diversified. By continuing to review and adjust your investments, increasing SIP contributions, and focusing on tax efficiency, you are on the right path to achieve your goal of ?2 crores in 10 years. Keep focusing on high-growth assets and maintain a balanced portfolio to achieve financial freedom.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 01, 2024

Money
Hi Myself Ramesh, I earn around 1.6 Lac monthly aged 43. Don't have own house and have 2 children 15 and 7. I have 20k SIP in MF, 25 K in 3 various ULIP Plan. Pls suggest how do I create corpus of 5 Crore by age of 60. Consider income increase around 6% for 10 years.
Ans: Hi Ramesh, your goal to create a corpus of Rs. 5 crores by the age of 60 is ambitious yet achievable with proper planning. At 43 years old, earning Rs. 1.6 lakhs per month, you already have a good foundation. Your monthly investments include Rs. 20,000 in SIPs and Rs. 25,000 in ULIP plans. You also expect your income to increase by around 6% annually for the next 10 years, which is a positive factor.

Setting Financial Goals
Short-Term Goals
Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an emergency fund that covers at least 6-12 months of expenses. This should be kept in a highly liquid form like a savings account or short-term fixed deposit.

Insurance Coverage: Adequate life and health insurance are crucial to protect your family from unforeseen events. Ensure you have a term insurance plan and a comprehensive health insurance policy.

Long-Term Goals
Children’s Education: Planning for your children's education expenses is critical. Your elder child will need funds for higher education soon, and the younger one in the next 10 years.

Retirement Corpus: The primary goal is to build a retirement corpus of Rs. 5 crores by the age of 60.

Evaluating Current Investments
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
You are investing Rs. 20,000 per month in mutual funds through SIPs. This is a good strategy for long-term wealth creation. SIPs benefit from rupee cost averaging and the power of compounding.

Unit Linked Insurance Plans (ULIPs)
You have Rs. 25,000 per month in various ULIPs. While ULIPs offer both insurance and investment, they often come with higher charges and lower returns compared to mutual funds. It might be beneficial to surrender these ULIPs and redirect the funds to more efficient investment vehicles like mutual funds.

Creating an Optimized Investment Plan
Redirecting ULIP Investments
Consider surrendering your ULIPs and investing the proceeds in mutual funds. Mutual funds typically offer better returns and flexibility compared to ULIPs. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help you transition smoothly.

Increasing SIP Contributions
With an expected income increase of 6% annually, you can gradually increase your SIP contributions. Start by increasing your SIP amount each year to align with your income growth. This disciplined approach will help in achieving your long-term goals.

Diversification of Investments
Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds should form the core of your investment portfolio. They offer high growth potential over the long term. Given your time horizon of 17 years, a significant portion of your investments can be in equity funds.

Debt Mutual Funds
Including debt mutual funds in your portfolio can provide stability and reduce overall risk. Debt funds invest in fixed-income securities and are less volatile compared to equity funds.

Gold Investments
A small allocation to gold can act as a hedge against inflation and market volatility. You can consider gold ETFs or sovereign gold bonds for this purpose.

International Mutual Funds
Diversifying your investments internationally can provide exposure to global markets and reduce country-specific risks. International mutual funds can be a good addition to your portfolio.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) Strategy
Implementing a SIP strategy for different types of mutual funds can help in building a diversified portfolio. Allocate a higher percentage to equity funds and the rest to debt and gold funds. Regularly review and adjust your SIP contributions to align with your financial goals.

Planning for Children’s Education
Estimating Education Costs
Estimate the future costs of your children’s education, considering inflation. Education expenses can be significant, and planning early will ensure you have sufficient funds when needed.

Education Savings Plan
Create a dedicated education savings plan. You can use a combination of equity and debt mutual funds to build this corpus. Start a separate SIP specifically for your children's education.

Building a Retirement Corpus
Power of Compounding
Starting early and investing regularly allows you to benefit from the power of compounding. Your investments will grow exponentially over time, helping you achieve your retirement goal.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Periodically review your investment portfolio to ensure it aligns with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Rebalancing involves adjusting your asset allocation to maintain the desired balance, optimizing returns, and managing risk.

Active Management
Actively managed funds, overseen by a CFP, can potentially deliver higher returns compared to passive index funds. They offer flexibility to respond to market changes and capitalize on opportunities.

Tax Efficiency in Investments
Tax Planning
Effective tax planning can enhance your investment returns. Utilize tax-saving instruments such as Equity Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS) to reduce your taxable income while investing for long-term goals.

Capital Gains Management
Understanding the tax implications of capital gains is essential. Long-term capital gains from equity investments are taxed differently from short-term gains. Plan your investments and withdrawals to minimize tax liability.

Role of a Certified Financial Planner
Professional Guidance
A CFP can provide personalized advice, helping you create a comprehensive financial plan. They offer expertise in investment management, tax planning, and retirement strategies, ensuring your financial goals are met.

Regular Monitoring
A CFP regularly monitors your investments, making adjustments based on market conditions and life changes. This proactive approach helps in optimizing returns and managing risks effectively.

Building a Disciplined Investment Approach
Setting Clear Goals
Define clear financial goals with timelines. This provides direction and helps in selecting appropriate investment vehicles to achieve these goals.

Consistent Savings and Investing
Consistently save and invest a significant portion of your income. This discipline is crucial for building wealth over time. Automate your investments to ensure regular contributions.

Financial Education
Continuously educate yourself about personal finance and investments. Staying informed empowers you to make better financial decisions and adapt to changing market conditions.

Final Insights
Ramesh, your goal to accumulate Rs. 5 crores by the age of 60 is ambitious but achievable with a disciplined and strategic approach. Start by setting a strong foundation with an emergency fund and adequate insurance coverage.

Consider surrendering your ULIPs and redirecting the funds to mutual funds. Increase your SIP contributions gradually to align with your income growth. Diversify your investments across equity, debt, gold, and international markets.

Implement a SIP strategy for different types of mutual funds and regularly review and rebalance your portfolio. Effective tax planning and capital gains management can further enhance your returns. Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner to create and monitor a comprehensive financial plan.

Your commitment to your financial goals and willingness to adapt your strategy will help you achieve a comfortable and secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1284 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello Ms Anu, I am a 42yr female..married since 14 yrs and have 10yr old son . I am highly qualified and financially independent. My marriage was a arranged one.. but in these 14 yrs.. I never experienced love or and attachment from my husband's side. He is a family man.. there is no other woman involved..He loves his parents and his two sisters immensely... but always treats me as a option. I feel humiliated and lonely and he has short temper when i talk about this issue... so basically I don't discuss... but that is no solution... I am suffering and unhappy. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A few married men can be more focused on the women on their side of the family; it becomes easy to express love, care and attention to them as he has grown with them.
A wife happens to be someone that he is yet to understand. It requires effort to make a marriage work; your husband finds it convenient to take the easy way out and 'hang out' with his family.
So, here you take the lead and start. Start not by bringing forth your complaints as this is going to push him further to them which is going to annoy you BUT by inviting him to be with you. A lot of work, I get it...but the bottom line: that's what you want, right?
Plan dates evenings, take short vacations together, work-out together...the key is to establish a connection which never had its chance in the first place...So, give your best shot! Most times actions speak louder than words ever can...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1284 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Relationship
Namaste Mam Main Ek Ladki Se Bohot Pyaar Karta Hun Lekin Woh Kisi Aur Se Pyaar Karti Ek Wakt Pahle Woh Ladki Meri Acchi Dost Thi Fir Maine Soccha Ki Usse Ek Yeh Kehdu Ki Main Usse Be Inteha Pyaar Karta Hun Maine Usse Keh Diya Par Usne Muzhe Mana Kiya Eh Kehke Ki Usse Pyaar Karne Main Dilchajbi Nahi Aur Wahan Se Chali Gai Main Uss Din Bohot Dipretion Main Tha Fir Maine Yeh Faisla Kiya Ki Woh Apne Bhai Maa Baap Se Darkar Iss Rashte Ko Banane Main Dar Rahi Hogi Par Aaise Karte Karte 2 Saal Ho Gaye Aur Fir Ik Din Achanak Do Saal Baad Yeh Kehne Aati Hain Ki Main Ek Ladke Se Pyaar Karti Aur Tab Maine Usse Puccha Kya Tum Usse Shaadi Bhi Karna Chahti Ho To Ussne Jhijakte Hue Yeh Jawab Diya Ki Woh Usse Shaadi Karna Chahti Darsal Woh Mere Paas Yeh Madat Mangni Aai Thi Ki Woh Usse Milne Jaana Chahti Hain Aur Usse Usko Milne Keliye Kucch Paiso Ki Jarurat Hain To Maine Uss Situation Ko Samjhakar Uski Baaton Ko Samjhakar Usse Paise De Diye Magar Woh Muzhe Usse Pehle Maine Usse Yeh Kahan Ki Tum Mere Paas Kaise Aai Paise Mangne To Usne Kaha Ki Woh Muzhe Uska Ek Accha Dost Manti Isiliye Woh Mere Paas Madat Mangni Aai Thi Iska Main Matlab Kya Samjhu Ki Woh Muzhe Sachme Accha Dost Mantti Hain Yah Sirf Usse Paison Ki Jaruart Thi Isliye Agar Muzhe Apna Accha Dost Manti Hain To Kya Woh Bhavishya Main uss Ladke Jisse Woh Pyaar Karti Agar Uss Ladke Ne Uss Ladki Ki Dhoka Diya To Kya Woh Mere Paas Wapas Aa Sakti Kya Woh Mere Saath Shaadi Kar Sakti Hain Main Abbhi Usse Utna Hi Pyaar Karta Hoon Aur Usse Kabhi Kabar Baad Chit Karne Mile To Usse Healthy Conversation Karta Hoon To Kya Yeh Sambhav Ho Sakta Hain Ki Woh Aage Chalkar Mere Future Wife Bane Aur Main Uske Saath Hamesha Khush Rah Saku Aur Usse Khush Rakh Saku
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Nah! Bilkul nahin aur agar kabhi aisa hua bhi toh yeh zaroor jaan lena ki use aur koi mila nahin aur woh yeh jaanti hai ki aapka pyaar aapki kamzori hai isiliye koi bhi haalaat mein aap use sweekar kar lenge. Majboori hogi uski jab woh aapko chunegi, naaki yeh ki woh aap se pyaar karti hai...aur aise rishte zyaada tikte nahin.
Jab wusne saaf kahaa hai ki aapko dost maanti hai, toh is baat ko maan lijiye; yeh nah karke aapne khayaali Pulao pakaana shuru kiya hai...ki kya yeh hoga toh woh aapke paas chali aayegi...yeh nahin hoga toh woh kya aapse shaadi karegi?
Yeh sirf aapki zidd hai aur yahi zidd aapko maayusi ke alawaa kuch nahin dega.
Apni zindagi jiye, uspe dhyaan de kyonki yahi sab baatein leke baithenge toh khud ki zindagi mein aage badhne ke mauke bhi aapko nazar nahin aayenge.
Aur jahaan tak aapse paise maangne ki baat hai, toh use yeh toh zaroor pataa hai ki aap usse pyaar karte hain aur uski koi baat ko taalenge nahin...Toh paise ke liye manaa kaise karenge...Yeh jaan le ki woh aapse pyaar nahin karti aur jitni jaldi is baat ko maan lenge aap khule dil se jee paayenge. Naye dost banaye, nayi anubhavon ko aapnaaye; yeh sab tab hoga jab aap is kisse ko dimaag se hataa lenge...koshish kijiye...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1284 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024
Relationship
Hi Anu, i am 34 year old woman married to a 41 year old man. We are married for past 10 years. We had no sexual relationship for first 5 years, after lot of pestering and fights and realisation that there must a physical problem at my husband’s end i convinced him to visit an expert in this domain. Turns out he had low testosterone level. He took the necessary medication and i really tried for 1 year to make it work. It worked to a certain extent but it was more like a chore than something we really want to do. Then we decided that we should go for a baby as well while we are at it. Now my daughter is 2.5. Things never got better. We don’t talk about our lack of any intimacy physical or mental. We are living like roommates. He is the best husband a person can ask for on paper. My parents love him. He is the nicest guy. But in reality we never had any connection and no comparability. And whatever attraction and love i had for him in the beginning is lost completely. I have no idea what goes on his mind. He is a closed book i could never open. He accepts the problem but blames me too if i force him to open up. I am in such a bad place mentally. I keep thinking about the one life i got, i wasted it. Why did i get married so soon? I like someone in office who i have no future with because he is in some other country. I do not know what to do and how to live my life. I get thoughts that life should not be so long.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A case where the person shuts down because he carries the guilt of what is happening to him and what he is facing...not a very useful way of dealing with the situation but when society has drummed it into us that a 'man' is defined by his masculine traits and behaviors, can you blame him for it?
He is possibly embarrassed and this could be a reason for him 'closing down' within the marriage. He needs to be slowly cajoled out of what he is feeling...What the two of you could do is: start the marriage as though it is Day One...
Now, how would the two of you connect? How would things be different?
It is an attempt to reconnect with no past baggage which helps in focusing on each other in the present day. That helps in making good solid commitments to one another but of course, there has to be a lot of communication in this process. Do take the help of a professional if this feels too much to go through by yourselves.
And as for the colleague; hmmmm grass on the other side will always seem greener!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 17, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Mam i love a boy.. Who is 2 yr younger then me and... Now he is preparing for jE.. Post and... My parents worry about my marriage... I told him about this.... He is craying... So much... He love s me very much.... He don't tell about this relationship.....to his parents.. Because he dont have any.... Job..... What should i do mam.... Plz.... Tell me... Mamm plzzz
Ans: First, have an honest conversation with him about what both of you realistically can and cannot do right now. Since he is still working on his future and you feel pressure from your family, try to think about how much time he might need to reach a stable point. Then, consider whether waiting for him is something that is possible for you and acceptable to your family.

It might also be helpful to have a calm conversation with your parents, expressing your feelings for him while being open about the current situation. Sometimes parents worry because they don’t know the full picture. Explaining that he is working hard toward his career goals may give them a better understanding. You could also ask them if they’d be willing to wait for some time before making any decisions on your marriage, if they feel comfortable with that.

If waiting is not possible and your family pressures you to consider other options, it’s important to think about your own long-term happiness and make the best choice for you. These situations are never easy, but by staying honest with yourself and your family, you will be able to make a decision that respects both your love and your future stability.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello, There is a woman in my office working in my department. She is my friend's wife and was referred by me for this job. We get to work closely often, but we both make opportunities to get to work together. Most of our time spent is on work related items, with few minutes of casual chats, and we both have spent a lot of time alone in office, working extra hours and all. I have a feeling that I am starting to yearn to spend time with her on work and she also tries to be around me. We both text outside of office hours, share a lot of "inside" jokes and we both look to be enjoying the time together. I am in a confused state because it looks like she is giving me a lot of signs to move forward to next levels, but I am pulling back and not advancing. We both are married and have families. Any advice?
Ans: To manage this, start by gently reinforcing professional boundaries. While it may feel awkward initially, limiting the personal, non-work-related conversations and texts can create some emotional distance. This will not only help reduce feelings of attachment but also prevent misunderstandings or assumptions from developing on either side. At the same time, it may be beneficial to reflect on your own life and current relationships. Often, feelings that arise outside our primary relationship can signal needs or emotions that might require attention within our existing commitments.

Redirecting your focus back to your own relationship with your spouse and engaging in activities that strengthen that bond can bring a renewed appreciation for the life you have built. Rekindling affection, open communication, and connection with your spouse could help provide a sense of fulfillment that might reduce the attraction you’re feeling toward your colleague.

It may also help to remind yourself of the potential risks involved, not only to your family life but also to your professional reputation and friendships. By focusing on maintaining a respectful, professional, and appropriate connection, you’re honoring both your commitments and protecting the integrity of all relationships involved. Choosing not to act on these feelings will ultimately support the stability of your personal life and career, allowing you to maintain a healthy and professional environment at work.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 09, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi I brought up from a middle class family now I'm married and having 3 yrs kid, my younger brother recently got married! Ever since his marg there was a problem going on between my mom, brother and her wife , all the 3 of them bringing their problems to me and husband it creates a huge impact on my mental health due to their problems, if I try to resolve nobody is listening, I'm staying nearby my parents which is a big disadvantage, directly it's affecting me and my family? I don't know how to overcome from this type of issue
Ans: A compassionate but firm boundary can make a difference here. For instance, you could gently explain to your mother, brother, and his wife that while you understand and empathize with their challenges, you’re finding it difficult to handle all the tension that arises from these discussions. You might let them know that, for the sake of your own mental health and family well-being, you need to step back from being involved in any discussions about their conflicts.

If they do come to you with their concerns, try gently redirecting them, perhaps by suggesting that they talk directly to each other or even consider family counseling if they’re open to it. Remind them that only they can solve these issues by communicating directly, rather than relying on you as a mediator. Over time, they may begin to understand that their repeated involvement of you is not a productive solution.

Creating some physical and emotional space is key. If living nearby is heightening the tension, consider adjusting how often you interact in person. Focusing more on your own family’s peace, stability, and happiness will also help. It may feel challenging at first, but taking steps to protect your boundaries will benefit everyone, and gradually, they may even recognize the need to work out these issues themselves without depending on you.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 10, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi ma’am, I am a 27 year old girl. My father is a very strict person. Since childhood I have tolerated many things like I was not allowed to make friends(not even girls, forgot about boys). When I was 12 years old I was told that I was not allowed to talk to boys, and if my father ever saw me doing so, he will kill me. So, I was not allowed to talk to any friend, forget about going out and other stuff. All I used to do is sit in my room and study,I was not allowed to go out to play, wasn’t allowed to watch tv, not even allowed to go and play with cousins. Even if there was a wedding in my family, i was not allowed to go out and enjoy. And this has continued till date. I am still not allowed to go out without my father’s permission. Although I live in Bengaluru and work in a big company with a high paying job. Even the salary I get is not mine. Because my father takes it from me and I can’t say no to him. I use to say to me that if I ever did anything which he thinks is wrong, he will kill me, or will not allow me to go to college and now he will not allow me to work. And now he want me to get married to someone of his choice because of caste system. But I have a boyfriend and I want to marry my him. But I can’t even tell this to my father, because once I tell him this, he will not allow me to leave the house ever again and he would get me married to next person he finds. I am very scared of him. I don’t want to get married to anyone but my boyfriend. What should I do? Should I run away and get married to my boyfriend. I don’t know what my father will do then. He is a very controlling person .
Ans: To start, consider small steps that allow you to establish a greater sense of independence. Setting aside a portion of your income in an account only you can access, even if done quietly, can help you prepare financially for the future you envision with your boyfriend. Gaining control over your finances can also give you a greater sense of autonomy, which is key for your emotional and practical well-being.

Considering your father’s intense reaction to any choices that don’t align with his, safety is a priority. Consulting with a therapist or a counselor could help you process the emotional impact of your experiences and, importantly, develop strategies for how to approach this situation. Speaking to a counselor may also help you find a safe way to discuss your relationship with your father and express your own wishes while understanding any resources that might be available to you if needed.

If, ultimately, you decide to move forward with your relationship and marriage independently of your father’s permission, preparing yourself for potential emotional fallout is essential. While it’s natural to hope for family acceptance, remember that creating your own happiness is equally important. Over time, if your father can see that you’re stable, happy, and independent, he may eventually respect your decision.

Taking steps toward your own life may feel overwhelming, but with support and gradual changes, you can find a path that balances your love for your family with your need for self-respect, autonomy, and a future that you choose.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x