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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Mir Question by Mir on Dec 04, 2023Hindi
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I'll give some details in brief about myself and my goals in points. 1) I am 28 presently working in PSU(Bank) unmarried. 2)I've started sip last month with 20k(2 small cap, 2 flexicap, 1 Midcap, 1 largecap fund). 3)my goal is to reach corpus of 1 crore in 15 years. 4) I want your guidance in achieving my goal. 5)presently I have not taken any loans so no EMI , also I've started RD of 7k per month.

Ans: It's fantastic that you're proactively planning for your financial future at such a young age. Here's a tailored guidance based on your details:

Start Early Advantage: Your decision to start SIPs and an RD at 28 is commendable. Starting early gives you a significant advantage in wealth accumulation due to the power of compounding.
Diversification: Your portfolio of SIPs in small-cap, flexi-cap, mid-cap, and large-cap funds shows good diversification across different segments of the market. Continue monitoring the performance of these funds and consider rebalancing if needed.
Goal Clarity: Your goal of reaching a corpus of 1 crore in 15 years is specific and measurable, which is crucial for effective financial planning. Keep reviewing your progress towards this goal periodically and make adjustments as necessary.
Regular Review: Stay updated with the performance of your investments and periodically review your financial plan. Consider increasing your SIP contributions over time as your income grows or if you have surplus funds.
Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an emergency fund set aside to cover unexpected expenses or financial setbacks. Aim to build an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of your living expenses.
Stay Informed: Continue educating yourself about personal finance and investment strategies. Consider seeking advice from a Certified Financial Planner for personalized guidance tailored to your specific financial situation and goals.
By staying disciplined, continuing your SIP contributions, and periodically reviewing your financial plan, you're on the right track to achieving your goal of reaching a corpus of 1 crore in 15 years. Keep up the good work, and remember that consistency and patience are key to long-term wealth creation.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Sanjeev

Sanjeev Govila  | Answer  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Dec 06, 2023

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Thank you sir for your valuable feedback. I'll give some details in brief about myself and my goals in points. 1) I am 28 presently working in PSU(Bank) unmarried. 2)I've started sip last month with 20k(2 small cap, 2 flexicap, 1 Midcap, 1 largecap fund). 3)my goal is to reach corpus of 1 crore in 15 years. 4) I want your guidance in achieving my goal. 5)presently I have not taken any loans so no EMI , also I've started RD of 7k per month.
Ans: Based on the details you have provided, here’s a breakdown of your financial situation and
steps you can take to achieve your goal of reaching a corpus of Rs. 1 crore in 15 years:

Current Financial Situation:
• Age: 28 years (Unmarried)
• Occupation: Working in PSU (Bank)
• Monthly SIP: Rs. 20,000 (diversified across large-cap, flexi-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap
funds)
• Monthly RD: Rs. 7,000
• No outstanding loans or EMIs

Financial Goal:
• Accumulate a corpus of Rs. 1 crore in 15 years.

Guidance to Achieve Your Goal:
With the SIPs of Rs 20,000 assuming the returns of 12%, you are on the right track to
achieving your goal of reaching a corpus of Rs 1 crore in 15 years. However, taking the
inflation into the account, the value of today’s 1 Cr would not be the same at the time of the
year of your goal. Hence, we recommend you to increase your SIPs on a yearly basis.

Here are some additional tips to help you reach your goal:

1. Continue with SIPs and RDs: Maintaining your regular SIP and RD contributions is crucial
for building your corpus over time. The power of compounding will work in your favour as
your investments grow over the years.

2. Evaluate SIP Allocation: Review your SIP allocation periodically to ensure it aligns with
your risk tolerance and investment goal. As you approach your goal, you may consider
shifting your allocation to safer instruments.

3. Increase SIP Contribution: If possible, consider increasing your monthly SIP contribution
as your income grows. This will accelerate your progress towards your goal.

4. Stay disciplined: It is important to stay disciplined with your investment plan, even when
the market is down. Don’t panic and sell your investments. Instead, ride out the waves and
continue to invest for the long term.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 01, 2024

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Hi Sir Sangayya hear from Karnataka my age is 43 from last 3 years I started my SIP details r as below 1 ELSS - 5 sips each 1k 2. Large & mid cap fund - 3 sips 1k each 3. Thematic fund - Franklin India opp - 5k 4. Multi asset allocator - Tata 5k 5.Flexi cap fund - 2 Sips 1k each 6. Dynamic Asset - Edelweiss balanced Adv fund 1k 7. Small cap - Nippon India 1k Total monthly 22k is my investment kindly suggest I want to build my corpus 1cr in another 10 year & how much I have to invest more to achieve Target
Ans: Hello Sangayya, it's great to see your commitment to building your financial future through SIP investments. Let's break down your goal of reaching a corpus of 1 crore in 10 years and assess your current investment approach:

Review Current Investments: Evaluate the performance of your existing SIPs relative to their benchmarks and peers. This will help you understand if adjustments are needed to optimize your portfolio for growth.
Assess Required Monthly Investment: To reach a corpus of 1 crore in 10 years, you'll need to calculate the required monthly investment based on your expected rate of return. This depends on factors like the type of funds you're investing in and prevailing market conditions.
Consider Increasing SIP Amount: If your current monthly investment of 22k isn't sufficient to reach your goal, you may need to increase your SIP amounts or explore additional investment avenues. A Certified Financial Planner can help you determine the optimal investment strategy based on your risk tolerance and financial goals.
Stay Consistent and Patient: Building a substantial corpus takes time and discipline. Stay committed to your investment plan, continue SIPs regularly, and avoid making emotional decisions based on short-term market fluctuations.
Regular Portfolio Review: Periodically review your portfolio's performance and make adjustments as needed. Rebalancing your investments and exploring new opportunities can help you stay on track towards achieving your financial goals.
Remember, while setting ambitious targets is commendable, it's essential to ensure that your investment strategy is realistic and aligned with your risk tolerance and financial capacity. With careful planning and perseverance, you can work towards building a significant corpus over the next decade.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 21, 2024Hindi
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Hello sir,my name is Karan. I'm 30 years old earning 55k a month. I want a corpus of 1 crore in 10 year how do i achieve that investing in sip. My monthly expense is 20k I'm investing 5k in Motilal Oswal
Ans: You are investing Rs. 10,000 every month in a children's benefit fund. Your goal is to accumulate Rs. 2 crore in 18 years. This is a significant target and needs a well-structured plan.

Understanding Your Investment Strategy
Investing in a mutual fund focused on children's education is a good start. This fund is designed for long-term goals and offers growth potential. However, it’s important to assess if your current investment will meet your target.

Estimating Future Returns
To reach Rs. 2 crore in 18 years, your investment must grow consistently. The rate of return plays a crucial role here. Most equity-focused funds aim for a return of 10-12% annually. However, these returns are not guaranteed and depend on market performance.

Power of Compounding
The concept of compounding is key to reaching your goal. When your returns are reinvested, they generate further returns, leading to exponential growth. Over 18 years, compounding can significantly boost your investment.

Monthly Investment Amount
Currently, you are investing Rs. 10,000 per month. Over 18 years, this equals Rs. 21.6 lakh in total contributions. For this to grow to Rs. 2 crore, your investments need to achieve a high rate of return.

Potential Growth Scenarios
If your investment grows at an average rate of 12% per year, reaching Rs. 2 crore is achievable. However, this assumes consistent growth and no major market downturns. Market fluctuations can impact your returns, so it's essential to stay invested for the long term.

Importance of Diversification
Relying on a single fund may not be enough to meet your goal. Diversifying your investments across different funds can spread risk and potentially enhance returns. Consider adding more funds with different investment strategies to your portfolio.

Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds
You’ve chosen a direct plan, which typically has lower expenses but lacks professional guidance. While this may save costs, actively managed funds, with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) guiding you, can be more beneficial. They allow for strategic decisions to maximize returns, especially in volatile markets.

Why Direct Plans May Not Be Ideal
Direct plans are often chosen for their lower expense ratios. However, they don’t come with the personalized advice that regular plans offer through a CFP. This advice can help you navigate market changes and adjust your investments accordingly. Regular plans might have higher expenses but the professional management can help optimize returns.

Staying Disciplined with SIPs
Your SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans) provide discipline in investing. Regular investments, regardless of market conditions, help you build wealth over time. This approach reduces the impact of market volatility and keeps you on track to meet your goal.

Reviewing Your Investments Regularly
It's crucial to review your portfolio regularly. As you approach your target date, you may need to adjust your investments. Moving some of your funds to safer assets can protect your accumulated wealth.

Consider Inflation
Inflation can erode your purchasing power over time. Even if you reach Rs. 2 crore, the real value might be less than expected due to rising costs. It’s important to factor in inflation while planning your financial goals.

Adjusting Your Investment Strategy
If you find that your current investment plan may fall short, consider increasing your monthly SIP amount. Even a small increase can have a big impact over 18 years due to compounding.

Avoiding Common Investment Mistakes
It’s important to avoid common pitfalls like withdrawing your investments during market downturns. Staying invested and trusting the long-term growth potential of your funds is key to achieving your financial goals.

Final Insights
Reaching Rs. 2 crore in 18 years with a Rs. 10,000 monthly investment is possible, but not guaranteed. It requires a disciplined approach, regular reviews, and possibly an increase in your SIP amount. Working with a Certified Financial Planner can provide you with the guidance needed to navigate market changes and optimize your investment strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi sir/madam, My target is 2 crore corpus by 45 I just saved 5 lacs earning 1 lac per month.I do SIP in 4 SIP each of 5000 monthly. HDFC Flexi plan direct growth-5000, ICICI prudential bluechip fund direct-5000, Kotak flexi cap fund direct-5000, ICICI prudential transportation and logistics fund direct-5000 Please advice me to achieve my goal by 45 years currently I am 35y
Ans: To achieve a Rs 2 crore corpus by age 45, an SIP of Rs 60,000 per month with a 10% annual increase is indeed a strategic approach. Here’s how this plan can align with your target.

Calculating Your Path to Rs 2 Crore
Current SIP Investment: With a starting SIP of Rs 60,000 per month at a 12% CAGR, your investments have the potential to grow substantially over time.

Annual Step-Up: Increasing your SIP by 10% each year harnesses the power of compounding, helping you reach your goal faster. This incremental increase supports growth to match inflation and your rising income.

Expected Growth Rate: With a 12% CAGR, a disciplined 10-year investment horizon should help you accumulate approximately Rs 2 crore. This CAGR is reasonable for equity mutual funds based on historical performance.

Practical Benefits of This Strategy
Power of Compounding: The combination of a 10% step-up and 12% CAGR significantly accelerates growth, turning monthly contributions into substantial wealth over 10 years.

Simplicity in Execution: A single SIP contribution with a systematic increase each year streamlines your investment process, making it easier to manage.

Steps for Success
Commit to the Annual Step-Up: Consistently increasing SIP contributions is crucial. Even during years with market volatility, stick to the increase for long-term gains.

Portfolio Review with a Certified Financial Planner: Annual reviews ensure your portfolio remains aligned with your goals, especially as you approach the 10-year mark.

Final Insights
An SIP of Rs 60,000 with a 10% annual increase and 12% CAGR is a robust plan for reaching Rs 2 crore in 10 years. With disciplined investing and regular review, this strategy should help you reach your financial target by age 45.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Reetika Mam, I am 48 year having privet Job. I have started investment from 2017, current value of investment is 82L and having monthly 50K SIP as below. My goal to have 2.5Cr corpus at the age of 58. Please advice... 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3. ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Hi,

You can easily achieve your goal of 2.5 crores after 10 years. Your current investment value of 82 lakhs alone can grow to 2.5 crores assuming CAGR of 12% and monthly 50k SIP will give additional 1.1 crores, making a total corpus of 3.6 crores at 58.

But I see a problem with your current allocation. The fund selection is more aligned towards small caps of different AMCs and very concentrated and overlapped portfolio.
You need to diversify it so as to secure your current investment while getting a decent CAGR of 12% over next 10 years.
Focus on changing your current funds to large caps and BAFs and flexicaps and avoid sectoral funds.

You can also work with an advisor to get detailed analysis of your portfolio.
Hence you should consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Hi Surya,

You are in a very complicated situation. This whole debt trapped needs to be worked on very judiciously. Let us go through all the aspects in detail.

1. Your total monthly household salary - 86000; monthly expense - 10000 contribution as of now; monthly EMI - approx. 1 lakhs.
2. Current loans - 36.5 lakhs from various banks at 12.5%; Gold Loan - 14 lakhs; private lenders - 2 lakhs at 18% >> totalling to 52 lakhs.
3. 50k interest per month payable - implies capital payment is very less leading to more problem.

- Keen on buying gold with loan. This is where more problem will began. Avoid buying gold using loan.
- Your focus should be on reducing your debt instead of increasing it.

Strategy to follow:
1. Close the loan with higher interest rate - 2 lakh personal lender. This will reduce your EMI and give you more potential to prepay other loans.
2. Try and take financial help from your family in prepaying small loans from banks. This can reduce your burden.
3. If you have any unused assets, can sell them to pay off your loans.

Points to NOTE:
> Avoid taking any more loans.
> When your EMI burden reduces, do make an emergency fund of 2-3 lakhs for yourself for any uncetain situation.
> Make sure to have a health insurance for yourself and family.
> Can stop your investments for now. They are of no use if your EMIs are more than your income. Can start investing once your EMI's reduce atleast by 20-30% for you.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hello Sir ; I am 55 years old & have decided to retire by end of 2025 . My wife is in teaching profession , earns appx. 3.5 L / annum & will continue her service till 2037( @60 yrs. of age ) . My only child is an intellectually disabled person ( with Autism ) , 14 years of age & will be incapable to earn . As on date , I have 60 L in MF , going to sell a property by end of this year @ 41 L ( it is fixed ) , appx 5L in Bank & postal FD . My wife have 45L in MF as on date & 3 fully paid premium ULIP policy which will be matured by 2030. She can get appx. 25 L from there . This is by and large my family financial status . Now , my queries to you that with this corpus , how we manage our ( myself & wife’s ) livelihood & most important that to manage a continuous cash flow for my disabled child till his age 65 i.e. 50 years from now . Primarily , I have thought of SWP & MIS schemes to get regular income for th retirement . My present family expense is appx. 1L per month . Therefore , I do seek your expert advice in this regards . I will be highly obliged if you kindly address to my query . thanking you , with best regards ; Suprabhat Jatty.
Ans: Hi Suprabhat,

Let us analyse all things in detail - one at a time.
1. 5L in Bank and FD - this is your emergency fund. But if there is a lock-in on the postal FD, you need atleast 5 lakhs in bank FD as your emergency fund.
2. Health Insurance - it is the prime requirement for you and your family. You should have one covering you, your spouse as well as your kid. It will help you in uncertain health conditions of youself and family.
3. ULIP Policy - Usually policies like such are not beneficial. But these are all paid-up, good point here. Whenever you get this, try to invest it in equity and hybrid mutual funds.
4. You will get 41 lakhs from property selling. Invest the entire amount in mutual funds, a mix of equity and debt funds.
5. Cumulative MF portfolio = 1.05 crores. As the entire corpus is huge, take the advice of a proper advisor on managing your overall investments and portfolio. A guided investment always generates better result than a random portfolio.

Your annual needs - 12 lakhs; Wife will earn - 3.5 lakhs till 2037. You need additional 8.5 lakhs per year to manage your expenses.
- You can initiate a SWP from your overall savings after allocating it in correct funds with the help of advisor.
- You need to have a dedicated corpus for your son's need in your absence. Atleast 50-70 lakhs should be kept solely for your son.
- The overall corpus seems insufficient to meet your requirements for now. You can either postpone your retirement and create an additional savings corpus for your future and son. Or you may consider to work on your monthly budget.

Do work with a professional advisor to guide you with exact funds to meet your desired goals.
Hence consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 43 years old married man, arranged marriage. Married for past 13 years with 4 kids (aged 2, 3, 10 and 13). I work abroad with good salary package and live with my family. My wife is MSc. and home maker. She teaches the kids and cooks and takes good care of kids. I am academic research scholar. From the start of our marriage, I noticed my wife does not open much and moderate religious person. I am also not very extrovert person. I work from 8 am to 5 pm in office which is walkable distance from my house. After coming from office, I help her in kichen daily, look after the kids, help kids in math, clean the house, put the yougest kid to sleep, then I get some 'me' time which happens only after 11:30 pm in the night. I dont use phone untill everybody is sleep or my kids dont allow me to use phone while i am playing with them. Now sometimes I feel we are just room mates with 1-2 times sex in a month. In terms of love with my wife, I initiate all the time, she never expresses love. I am not very possessive kind of person. She does not show any interest in my work and never ask me hows my day etc. She only smiles and rarely laught. I thought may be it will improve with time. There is no money issue, she buys what ever she likes. She has her own card and I provide extra money if she asks. I assumed may be she does not like me from the beginning but staying in marriage due to family pressure and kids. I am average looking person and dont accept everything what she says in terms of investment, holiday etc. I had accepted my fate. She started doing book writing and publishing online and now earning and keeping separate account, She is very excited about it and feels happy and shares with me the publication but not the earnings. I give suggestions and money what ever she asks for marketting and promotion etc. I am happy for her. Recently I came across an email in her phone which was from her ex. There was a long deleted chat, in summary they were madly in love but could not get married, i dont know the reason or even she never spoke about him. they kept chatting even after our marriage. Her ex got married and divorsed with one grownup kid. He is single and work abroad in a different country with good salary package (may be better than mine). She emailed him after long time I guess but now she is secretly chatting with him very often. she keeps her phone locked and deletes the chats. He is also interested and asking her to leave and marry him. She is not saying yes to him but regrets that she married me. At this point I dont know if I should talk to her regarding this but she will definitely be upset to know i checked her phone. Few years back we had a major fight (that time i didnot know about her ex), i had proposed for divorse and settle it mutually if she is not happy with me but she denied and stayed. I dont know what I should do to make her happy. we both are from very respected family in the society and I dont know if her parents knew about her affair. Even though she is chatting with him but she behaves very normal with me, no fight no argument, as if nothing is happening. I dont know whats in her mind, is she just casually chatting with him or buying time, waiting for the right moment to leave? Shall I file for divorse or accept my fate as room mates. Am I worrying too much?
Ans: First, let me say this clearly: you are not worrying “too much.” Your concerns are valid. When emotional connection, affection, and curiosity about each other’s inner worlds are absent for years, and when secrecy enters the relationship, it naturally shakes trust. The fact that she is emotionally engaging with a past love, hiding communication, and expressing regret about marrying you — even if not directly to your face — is not a small or harmless thing. It doesn’t automatically mean she will leave, but it does mean there is unresolved emotional business that cannot be ignored.
At the same time, it’s important not to jump straight to extremes like divorce or silent resignation. Right now, the most important thing is clarity — for you and for her. Living as silent roommates while carrying this knowledge will slowly erode your self-worth and peace of mind. You deserve honesty, and your marriage deserves a chance to be examined truthfully, not just maintained for appearances, family reputation, or routine.
If you choose to speak to her, the way you approach it will matter far more than the fact that you looked at her phone. Try not to lead with accusation or surveillance. Lead with your emotional reality. You can say something like: you’ve been feeling emotionally distant for a long time, you feel you’re always the one initiating closeness, and recently you’ve felt even more unsettled and insecure about where you stand in her life. You don’t need to reveal every detail of what you saw immediately; the goal is to open a conversation about emotional honesty, not to trap her in a confession.
Pay close attention to how she responds. Not defensiveness alone, but whether she shows willingness to reflect, to talk about her inner world, and to consider rebuilding emotional intimacy with you. A marriage can sometimes be repaired even after emotional betrayal — but only if both partners are willing to be transparent and actively work on reconnecting. If she avoids the conversation, minimizes your feelings, or continues secrecy, then you will have important information about where the marriage truly stands.
It’s also worth acknowledging something gently but honestly: your wife may have spent years emotionally closed not because of you alone, but because she never fully processed the loss of that earlier relationship. Her recent independence and success may have stirred unresolved emotions and old longings. That explains her behavior, but it does not justify secrecy or emotional infidelity. Understanding this can help you speak with compassion without sacrificing your boundaries.
Before making any legal decisions, I strongly encourage you to consider couples counseling, ideally with someone experienced in long-term marriages and emotional affairs. A neutral space can help both of you speak truths that feel too risky at home. It will also help you understand whether she wants to stay and rebuild, or whether she is emotionally preparing to leave.
As for “accepting your fate,” I want to be very clear: accepting a life where you feel invisible, undesired, and emotionally alone is not a virtue. It is a slow form of self-erasure. Your children benefit most not from parents who silently endure, but from adults who model honesty, self-respect, and emotional responsibility.
You don’t have to decide everything right now. But you do need to stop carrying this alone. The next step is not divorce or resignation — it’s an honest, calm, courageous conversation focused on emotional truth. From there, the path forward will become clearer, even if it’s difficult.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My husband doesn't lock the door when we have s**. This was the main reason for his ex-wife to divorce him. His parents feel that it is safer to keep the door unlocked in case of emergencies. But honestly,I feel awkward. I am not comfortable. Once his sister casually walked in to pick up some stuff, ignoring us on the bed. I was clothed but it still made me feel uncomfortable. We don't have a private bedroom but we use the bed at night. There are two shared wardrobes in the room which people need to access. I have explained this to my husband but he says I need to learn to adjust and work around it. Even if the door is closed, I always fear that someone might just walk in. What to do?
Ans: This is not a small preference issue. This is about personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. Even if nothing “bad” has happened, the fear of being walked in on is enough to make your body stay tense. That anxiety alone can affect your sense of dignity, desire, and emotional security. The fact that his ex-wife divorced him over the same issue tells you that this pattern is longstanding and not something you are imagining.
Your husband and his parents may frame this as “safety” or “emergency access,” but that argument does not hold when weighed against your right to privacy. Emergencies are rare; violations of comfort are happening now. A locked door during intimacy does not mean negligence—it means respect. Many families manage emergencies with simple alternatives like knocking, calling out, or keeping keys for true emergencies. What’s happening instead is that your need for privacy is being minimized, and you are being asked to suppress discomfort for the convenience of others.
The incident with his sister casually entering is especially important. Even though you were clothed, your body registered that as a boundary breach. The fact that it was brushed off is likely reinforcing your fear that this could happen again. Over time, this can quietly erode trust and sexual comfort—not because you’re “overthinking,” but because your nervous system is constantly on alert.
You need to shift the conversation with your husband away from “adjustment” and toward non-negotiable boundaries. This isn’t about arguing logic; it’s about stating a clear emotional and physical limit. You might say something like:
“I cannot feel safe or comfortable being intimate without privacy. This isn’t something I can adjust to. If intimacy continues without a locked door, I will start avoiding it—not out of punishment, but because my body feels unsafe.”
That’s not a threat. That’s honesty.
If the room layout is genuinely impractical, then the solution is not for you to tolerate discomfort, but for the household to change logistics—restricted access at night, fixed timings, or creating a private space. Privacy is a shared responsibility, not a burden placed on one person to endure.
If your husband continues to dismiss this after you clearly express it, that’s a deeper issue than doors. It signals a lack of attunement to your emotional safety, and that deserves serious attention—possibly with a counselor, especially given that this issue has already broken a marriage before.
You are not asking for something unreasonable. You are asking for respect.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1754 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Relationship
Mam, I know some ways by which i can change my state of mind from lazy to working.. and having pressure/deadline helps to move on. But still I'm get trapped in guilt of actions and don't feel confident that next time i will be able to control myself..( cuz some actions give short pleasure/gratification easily.. but guilts also). And in all those silent, sad, depressed emotional time my Real working time gets wasted.. and feels like I just live in more guilt and saddness..even if it hurts. But don't wanna live like that!! What I do?
Ans: Dear Work,
Focus in any area of Life comes only when you realize WHY you are doing WHAT you are doing in that area.
For eg: If you decide to lose weight and just randomly join the gym without understanding WHY you are in the gym, a few days later, you will drop out. Mind you, that LOSING WEIGHT is not your reason; WHY do you want to lose that weight is the only thing that will keep you focused and motivated.
Hence, if you are giving into short term distractions, then obviously whatever it is that you are doing is not interesting you and so you get easily distracted.
Take one area of your life at a time; drop your goals in paper and mark a strong WHY against each. If it isn't motivating you enough, go back to the Drawing Board and do the exercise until you find that fire in your belly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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