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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Neeraj Question by Neeraj on Apr 09, 2024Hindi
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My self Neeraj Bajpai and invested Rs. 47000.00 per month in mutual fund through SIP in Axis m/f, SBI Contra fund, Nippon fund, Parag Parikh, Motilal Oswal, Tata etc. My Goal is 2 CR next 9.5 years, its is sufficient. Already invesedt in M/F in Rs. 20 Lakhs for next 9.5 years. Please advise me.

Ans: Hello Neeraj, it's great to see your commitment to investing in mutual funds through SIPs for your financial goals. Let's delve into your situation and explore whether your current investment strategy aligns with your goal of accumulating 2 crores in the next 9.5 years.

Here are some key points to consider:

Current Investment: Your monthly SIP of Rs. 47,000 spread across various mutual fund schemes indicates a disciplined approach towards wealth creation.
Goal Analysis: Your target of accumulating 2 crores in the next 9.5 years is ambitious yet achievable with proper planning and consistent investing.
Assessment of Investment Horizon: With a relatively short time horizon of 9.5 years, it's essential to strike a balance between growth-oriented and stable investment options.
Diversification: Your investment portfolio appears diversified across multiple mutual fund schemes, which is a prudent approach to mitigate risks and capture potential returns from various market segments.
Risk Management: Given the volatility inherent in equity markets, it's crucial to periodically assess and rebalance your portfolio to ensure it remains in line with your risk tolerance and financial goals.
Regular Monitoring: Regularly monitoring the performance of your mutual fund investments and making necessary adjustments based on changing market conditions and your evolving financial situation is imperative for long-term success.
Professional Guidance: While you're already on the right track with your investments, seeking advice from a Certified Financial Planner can provide you with personalized insights and strategies to optimize your portfolio for achieving your financial goals.
In summary, while your current investment approach demonstrates prudence and commitment, it's essential to continue monitoring your portfolio's performance and make adjustments as needed to stay on track towards your goal of accumulating 2 crores in the next 9.5 years. With proper planning, discipline, and professional guidance, you can work towards achieving financial security and prosperity for yourself and your loved ones.

Keep up the good work, Neeraj, and stay focused on your financial goals. Your dedication to investing will undoubtedly yield fruitful results in the years to come.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 30, 2024

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Hi good morning sir I am himanshu I am NRI I invest in mutual fund monthly sip I have sbi small cap fund direct growth I sip this funds monthly 15 k and I have other funds mirae large cap and mid cap fund direct emergency blue chep funds direct growth also I make sip 15k I won't to continue 20 years after how much I get and how was this funds if you suggest any batter fund for me please for good wealth please ????
Ans: Himanshu, I’m excited to discuss your investment journey. You’ve chosen a well-rounded set of funds, which is commendable. Investing Rs. 15,000 monthly in SBI Small Cap Fund Direct Growth, Mirae Large Cap Fund Direct Growth, and Emergency Blue Chip Funds Direct Growth shows your commitment to building a robust financial future.

These funds have historically performed well, offering good returns over the long term. It’s wise to periodically review these investments to ensure they align with your long-term financial goals. Let's delve deeper into each aspect of your investment strategy and potential growth over 20 years.

Potential Growth Over 20 Years
Investing Rs. 15,000 monthly in each of the three funds amounts to Rs. 45,000 per month. Over 20 years, consistent investments, combined with the power of compounding, can result in substantial wealth accumulation. Historically, mutual funds in India have provided returns ranging from 10% to 15% annually.

For instance, if your investments grow at an average annual rate of 12%, your portfolio could grow significantly. While exact future returns can't be guaranteed, historical performance suggests that mutual funds can be a reliable vehicle for wealth creation.

Analyzing Fund Choices
Small Cap Funds
Small Cap funds, like your SBI Small Cap, invest in companies with smaller market capitalizations. These companies have the potential for high growth, making Small Cap funds high-risk, high-reward investments. They tend to outperform during bullish market phases but can be quite volatile during downturns. Staying invested for the long term can help mitigate this volatility and yield substantial returns.

Your choice to invest in a Small Cap fund indicates a willingness to take on higher risk for potentially higher returns. It’s crucial to monitor the performance of these funds regularly to ensure they continue to meet your investment goals.

Large Cap and Mid Cap Funds
Mirae Large Cap and Mid Cap funds offer a balance of stability and growth. Large Cap funds invest in established companies with stable returns, providing a solid foundation to your portfolio. These companies have a history of consistent performance and are less volatile compared to Small Cap stocks.

Mid Cap funds, on the other hand, invest in companies with medium market capitalizations. They offer higher growth potential than Large Cap funds but come with increased risk. Mid Cap funds can be a good addition to your portfolio, providing a blend of stability and growth.

Blue Chip Funds
Blue Chip funds invest in well-established companies with a history of strong performance. These companies are leaders in their respective industries and offer moderate returns with lower risk. Your investment in Emergency Blue Chip Funds Direct Growth adds a layer of stability to your portfolio.

Benefits of Diversification
Your portfolio is well-diversified across different market capitalizations – Small Cap, Mid Cap, and Large Cap. Diversification helps in spreading risk and optimizing returns. It ensures that your portfolio isn’t overly dependent on any single segment of the market.

Diversification across different types of funds can help in achieving a balanced risk-reward ratio. It’s essential to maintain this diversification and periodically review your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your changing financial goals and market conditions.

Regular Fund vs. Direct Fund
Investing through direct funds often has lower expense ratios compared to regular funds. This means that more of your money is invested in the market rather than being used to pay for fund management fees. Lower expense ratios can lead to slightly higher returns over the long term.

However, regular funds offer the benefit of professional advice from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). A CFP can provide valuable insights and help you make informed decisions. They can also assist in adjusting your portfolio based on market conditions and personal financial goals. While direct funds may save you some money on fees, the value of professional advice can be substantial, especially for long-term wealth building.

Recommendations for Better Wealth Building
Equity Funds
Consider adding more equity-oriented funds to your portfolio. Equity funds generally have higher returns compared to debt funds. Look for funds with a consistent track record and good fund management. Equity funds can help in achieving higher growth, especially over long investment horizons like 20 years.

International Funds
As an NRI, you might benefit from diversifying into international funds. These funds invest in global markets, reducing dependency on the Indian market and providing exposure to global growth opportunities. International funds can add a new dimension to your portfolio, offering growth potential from different parts of the world.

Sectoral and Thematic Funds
Sectoral and thematic funds focus on specific sectors like technology, healthcare, or infrastructure. These can offer high returns if the sector performs well but come with higher risk due to concentration in a single sector. Adding sectoral funds can provide targeted exposure to high-growth areas, but it’s essential to balance them with other diversified funds to manage risk.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regularly reviewing your portfolio is crucial. Market conditions change, and so do your financial goals. Periodic reviews with a CFP can help in rebalancing your portfolio, ensuring it remains aligned with your risk tolerance and financial objectives. Rebalancing involves adjusting your investments to maintain your desired asset allocation. This process helps in managing risk and optimizing returns.

Emergency Fund
Having an emergency fund is crucial. It ensures liquidity during unforeseen circumstances without disrupting your investment strategy. Typically, an emergency fund should cover 6-12 months of living expenses. This fund acts as a financial safety net, allowing you to handle emergencies without having to liquidate your long-term investments.

Long-Term Commitment
Staying invested for the long term is key. Market fluctuations are normal, but long-term investments tend to smooth out these ups and downs, leveraging the power of compounding. Compounding works best when investments are left to grow over an extended period. Resist the urge to make frequent changes based on short-term market movements.

Professional Guidance
A Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized advice tailored to your specific situation. They can help in creating a comprehensive financial plan, ensuring all aspects of your financial health are covered. Professional guidance can be invaluable in navigating complex financial decisions and staying on track towards your goals.

Evaluating Fund Performance
Historical Returns
When evaluating your funds, look at their historical returns. Consistently high returns over the years indicate strong fund management and good investment strategies. Compare the performance of your funds with their respective benchmarks to assess their effectiveness.

Risk-Adjusted Returns
It’s also essential to consider risk-adjusted returns. This metric takes into account the risk taken by the fund to achieve its returns. Funds with high returns but also high volatility might not be suitable for all investors. Look for funds that provide good returns with manageable risk levels.

Fund Manager’s Track Record
The experience and track record of the fund manager play a significant role in a fund’s performance. A skilled fund manager can navigate market fluctuations and make strategic decisions that enhance the fund’s returns. Check the credentials and past performance of the fund managers handling your investments.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
While direct funds have lower expense ratios, they require more hands-on management from the investor. Without professional guidance, you might miss out on strategic adjustments and insights that a CFP can provide. Direct funds are suitable for knowledgeable investors who can actively manage their portfolios.

Benefits of Regular Funds Through CFP
Regular funds, though having higher expense ratios, come with the benefit of professional advice. A CFP can help in selecting the right funds, optimizing asset allocation, and providing strategic insights based on market conditions. The value of this professional guidance often outweighs the additional cost of regular funds.

Enhancing Your Investment Strategy
Setting Clear Goals
Clearly defining your financial goals is the first step. Knowing your objectives helps in selecting the right investment strategies. Whether it’s retirement planning, purchasing a property, or funding education, having clear goals allows you to tailor your investments accordingly.

Risk Assessment
Understanding your risk tolerance is crucial. Your risk tolerance depends on factors like age, income, financial obligations, and investment horizon. A CFP can help in assessing your risk tolerance and aligning your portfolio accordingly.

Asset Allocation
Optimal asset allocation is vital for managing risk and maximizing returns. Diversify your investments across different asset classes like equities, debt, and international funds. Regular rebalancing ensures your portfolio stays aligned with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Periodic Review and Adjustments
Market conditions and personal circumstances change over time. Regular reviews of your portfolio help in making necessary adjustments. A CFP can assist in monitoring your investments and making strategic changes to optimize returns.

Tax Efficiency
Consider the tax implications of your investments. Different funds have different tax treatments, and it’s essential to factor this into your investment strategy. A CFP can help in selecting tax-efficient investment options and strategies to minimize your tax liability.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Overreacting to Market Volatility
Market volatility is inevitable. Avoid making hasty decisions based on short-term market movements. Staying committed to your long-term investment strategy is crucial for achieving your financial goals.

Lack of Diversification
Investing in a single asset class or sector can be risky. Diversification helps in spreading risk and optimizing returns. Ensure your portfolio is well-diversified across different asset classes and market segments.

Ignoring Professional Advice
Professional guidance from a CFP can significantly enhance your investment strategy. Ignoring professional advice can lead to missed opportunities and suboptimal investment decisions. Leverage the expertise of a CFP to maximize your investment potential.

Building a Robust Financial Plan
Comprehensive Financial Planning
A comprehensive financial plan covers all aspects of your financial health. It includes investment planning, tax planning, retirement planning, and estate planning. A CFP can help in creating a holistic financial plan tailored to your specific needs and goals.

Contingency Planning
Prepare for contingencies by having adequate insurance coverage and an emergency fund. Contingency planning ensures financial stability during unforeseen circumstances and protects your long-term investments.

Retirement Planning
Retirement planning is a crucial aspect of financial planning. Ensure you have a clear retirement goal and a strategy to achieve it. Regular reviews and adjustments to your retirement plan can help in staying on track towards your retirement objectives.

Staying Informed and Educated
Stay informed about market trends and financial news. Continuous learning and staying updated with financial knowledge can help in making informed investment decisions. Leverage resources like financial publications, seminars, and professional advice to enhance your financial literacy.

Final Insights
Himanshu, your current investment strategy is solid with a good mix of funds. Regular monitoring, diversification, and staying committed to long-term goals will help in achieving substantial wealth. Consider professional guidance for optimizing your portfolio and aligning it with your financial aspirations. Keep up the excellent work and stay focused on your long-term objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 16, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Sir, I am 48 years old and I am investing in mutual fund from 2017 and market value of mutual fund portfolio is 37 Lac and I am investing in following MF in through SIP Parag Parikh flexi cap fund 12 K Mirae asset Large and mid cap fund 5K Kotak emerging equity fund 5K Quant Active fund 5K Nippon India small cap fund 5K And following is lumpsum investment Quant large cap fund 250000 DSP Nifty 50 index fund 200000 ICICI pru short term fund 200000 JM flexi cap fund. 100000 Quant mid cap fund. 70000 I am planning to increase SIP by 10000 This I am planning for 10 years plan for retirement Kindly please suggest MF or guide me for any changes if any needed Thank you ???? Raj
Ans: Your current portfolio shows a solid mix of funds across various categories. You have SIPs in Flexi Cap, Large & Mid Cap, Emerging Equity, Small Cap, and Active funds. Additionally, you have lump sum investments in Large Cap, Index, Short Term, and Mid Cap funds. This diversification strategy is commendable as it balances risk across different market segments.

However, there are a few areas that could be optimized for better returns and lower risk, especially considering your 10-year retirement goal.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
You've invested a lump sum in an Index Fund. Index Funds track a specific benchmark, usually the Nifty 50 or Sensex. While they have lower expense ratios, they also lack the flexibility to adapt to market changes.

Active funds, on the other hand, allow fund managers to pick stocks that can outperform the market. In the long term, this can result in higher returns. Therefore, considering your retirement goal, shifting from the Index Fund to an actively managed fund might be more beneficial.

Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds
You haven’t specified whether your investments are in regular or direct funds. If you are considering direct funds, it’s important to know their limitations. Direct funds have lower expense ratios, but they don’t come with professional advice.

Certified Financial Planners (CFP) provide guidance, periodic reviews, and help in rebalancing your portfolio based on market conditions and your financial goals. Investing through a CFP ensures your portfolio is always aligned with your objectives.

Evaluation of Your SIPs
Flexi Cap Fund: This is a good choice, providing flexibility to invest across market caps. However, it might be wise to ensure your exposure isn't overly concentrated in any single market cap.

Large & Mid Cap Fund: This fund offers a balance between stability (large caps) and growth potential (mid caps). Continue this SIP as it aligns with your retirement goals.

Emerging Equity Fund: Mid and small caps tend to be more volatile. Consider reviewing this SIP annually to ensure it meets your risk tolerance.

Active Fund: Active funds can outperform benchmarks if managed well. Continue this SIP, but keep track of the fund’s performance.

Small Cap Fund: Small caps can offer high growth but with higher risk. Given your retirement goal, ensure this SIP doesn’t exceed 20% of your total SIPs, as it could add unnecessary volatility to your portfolio.

Assessment of Lump Sum Investments
Large Cap Fund: Large Cap funds are relatively stable, providing consistent returns. This should be a cornerstone of your portfolio.

Index Fund: As discussed, consider switching this to an actively managed fund for better returns.

Short Term Fund: This is a conservative choice, good for parking funds temporarily. However, for long-term growth, these funds may not be ideal.

Flexi Cap Fund: Diversification is key here, and the fund’s flexibility is advantageous. Continue to monitor its performance.

Mid Cap Fund: This fund offers growth potential but with some risk. Ensure this investment complements your overall portfolio strategy without overexposing you to mid-cap volatility.

Increasing Your SIP
Increasing your SIP by Rs 10,000 is a wise decision. Here’s how you might allocate it:

Allocate Rs 5,000 to a Balanced Advantage Fund: This will add stability to your portfolio by balancing equity and debt exposure. It’s a conservative choice that can offer better risk-adjusted returns.

Allocate Rs 5,000 to a Focused Equity Fund: This can potentially offer higher returns as the fund manager focuses on a limited number of high-conviction stocks.

Portfolio Rebalancing and Monitoring
Rebalancing your portfolio regularly is crucial. Markets can be unpredictable, and what works today might not work tomorrow. Review your portfolio every six months to ensure it’s aligned with your risk tolerance and retirement goals.

Final Insights
Your portfolio is well-diversified, but there are opportunities to optimize it further. By shifting from index funds to actively managed funds, and considering the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner, you can potentially achieve better returns. Increasing your SIP is a positive step towards securing your retirement, but make sure to allocate it wisely across different fund categories.

In summary:

Consider shifting from Index Fund to an actively managed fund.

Evaluate your exposure to small caps and ensure it aligns with your risk tolerance.

Invest the additional SIP amount in balanced and focused equity funds.

Regularly rebalance your portfolio and seek guidance from a CFP.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu Mam Im 27 yrs old ( married) and 10 yrs old daughter. Im seperated from my husband since 2 yrs due to several reasons like he is drinking and Totally addicted to it. And he is totally dependent and now today also roaming on the roads of some streets of hyd. I belongs to an orthdox family. Now the question is one backward caste man who is married age : 33 he is interested in me and proposed me to a marriage after knowing all my past and saying that he accepts my child too. And the thing is he said a lie to me at first that he is unmarried and even though i had a good impression on him about the way he behaves with me he even treat me in a very polite manner. He says he loves me even though i too had a good impression but the things are the castes and can we both settle down with a marriage can we be happy or he is only trying to convince me to get him a wife to care care of him or only for his parents, he always talks about his own sister and also the office colleagues calls them sister and get emotional about them those who left the office. And he cries a lot which i dont trust on him and the face i see him that was not an real cry that looks like an act which i dont like in him. May he is acting ? Or really loving me, ge cares alot i feel like he is over reacting
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you are in doubt, then it's highly likely that he is putting on an act. Go with your intuition and hey hey, you said that he is married and so are you...You do realize that you just can't go ahead and marry while you are already to other people, right?
Focus on what's happening in your life; you obviously have to do something about it...Other relationships can wait!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Ms Anu, I am a 42yr female..married since 14 yrs and have 10yr old son . I am highly qualified and financially independent. My marriage was a arranged one.. but in these 14 yrs.. I never experienced love or and attachment from my husband's side. He is a family man.. there is no other woman involved..He loves his parents and his two sisters immensely... but always treats me as a option. I feel humiliated and lonely and he has short temper when i talk about this issue... so basically I don't discuss... but that is no solution... I am suffering and unhappy. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A few married men can be more focused on the women on their side of the family; it becomes easy to express love, care and attention to them as he has grown with them.
A wife happens to be someone that he is yet to understand. It requires effort to make a marriage work; your husband finds it convenient to take the easy way out and 'hang out' with his family.
So, here you take the lead and start. Start not by bringing forth your complaints as this is going to push him further to them which is going to annoy you BUT by inviting him to be with you. A lot of work, I get it...but the bottom line: that's what you want, right?
Plan dates evenings, take short vacations together, work-out together...the key is to establish a connection which never had its chance in the first place...So, give your best shot! Most times actions speak louder than words ever can...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Relationship
Namaste Mam Main Ek Ladki Se Bohot Pyaar Karta Hun Lekin Woh Kisi Aur Se Pyaar Karti Ek Wakt Pahle Woh Ladki Meri Acchi Dost Thi Fir Maine Soccha Ki Usse Ek Yeh Kehdu Ki Main Usse Be Inteha Pyaar Karta Hun Maine Usse Keh Diya Par Usne Muzhe Mana Kiya Eh Kehke Ki Usse Pyaar Karne Main Dilchajbi Nahi Aur Wahan Se Chali Gai Main Uss Din Bohot Dipretion Main Tha Fir Maine Yeh Faisla Kiya Ki Woh Apne Bhai Maa Baap Se Darkar Iss Rashte Ko Banane Main Dar Rahi Hogi Par Aaise Karte Karte 2 Saal Ho Gaye Aur Fir Ik Din Achanak Do Saal Baad Yeh Kehne Aati Hain Ki Main Ek Ladke Se Pyaar Karti Aur Tab Maine Usse Puccha Kya Tum Usse Shaadi Bhi Karna Chahti Ho To Ussne Jhijakte Hue Yeh Jawab Diya Ki Woh Usse Shaadi Karna Chahti Darsal Woh Mere Paas Yeh Madat Mangni Aai Thi Ki Woh Usse Milne Jaana Chahti Hain Aur Usse Usko Milne Keliye Kucch Paiso Ki Jarurat Hain To Maine Uss Situation Ko Samjhakar Uski Baaton Ko Samjhakar Usse Paise De Diye Magar Woh Muzhe Usse Pehle Maine Usse Yeh Kahan Ki Tum Mere Paas Kaise Aai Paise Mangne To Usne Kaha Ki Woh Muzhe Uska Ek Accha Dost Manti Isiliye Woh Mere Paas Madat Mangni Aai Thi Iska Main Matlab Kya Samjhu Ki Woh Muzhe Sachme Accha Dost Mantti Hain Yah Sirf Usse Paison Ki Jaruart Thi Isliye Agar Muzhe Apna Accha Dost Manti Hain To Kya Woh Bhavishya Main uss Ladke Jisse Woh Pyaar Karti Agar Uss Ladke Ne Uss Ladki Ki Dhoka Diya To Kya Woh Mere Paas Wapas Aa Sakti Kya Woh Mere Saath Shaadi Kar Sakti Hain Main Abbhi Usse Utna Hi Pyaar Karta Hoon Aur Usse Kabhi Kabar Baad Chit Karne Mile To Usse Healthy Conversation Karta Hoon To Kya Yeh Sambhav Ho Sakta Hain Ki Woh Aage Chalkar Mere Future Wife Bane Aur Main Uske Saath Hamesha Khush Rah Saku Aur Usse Khush Rakh Saku
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Nah! Bilkul nahin aur agar kabhi aisa hua bhi toh yeh zaroor jaan lena ki use aur koi mila nahin aur woh yeh jaanti hai ki aapka pyaar aapki kamzori hai isiliye koi bhi haalaat mein aap use sweekar kar lenge. Majboori hogi uski jab woh aapko chunegi, naaki yeh ki woh aap se pyaar karti hai...aur aise rishte zyaada tikte nahin.
Jab wusne saaf kahaa hai ki aapko dost maanti hai, toh is baat ko maan lijiye; yeh nah karke aapne khayaali Pulao pakaana shuru kiya hai...ki kya yeh hoga toh woh aapke paas chali aayegi...yeh nahin hoga toh woh kya aapse shaadi karegi?
Yeh sirf aapki zidd hai aur yahi zidd aapko maayusi ke alawaa kuch nahin dega.
Apni zindagi jiye, uspe dhyaan de kyonki yahi sab baatein leke baithenge toh khud ki zindagi mein aage badhne ke mauke bhi aapko nazar nahin aayenge.
Aur jahaan tak aapse paise maangne ki baat hai, toh use yeh toh zaroor pataa hai ki aap usse pyaar karte hain aur uski koi baat ko taalenge nahin...Toh paise ke liye manaa kaise karenge...Yeh jaan le ki woh aapse pyaar nahin karti aur jitni jaldi is baat ko maan lenge aap khule dil se jee paayenge. Naye dost banaye, nayi anubhavon ko aapnaaye; yeh sab tab hoga jab aap is kisse ko dimaag se hataa lenge...koshish kijiye...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1287 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024
Relationship
Hi Anu, i am 34 year old woman married to a 41 year old man. We are married for past 10 years. We had no sexual relationship for first 5 years, after lot of pestering and fights and realisation that there must a physical problem at my husband’s end i convinced him to visit an expert in this domain. Turns out he had low testosterone level. He took the necessary medication and i really tried for 1 year to make it work. It worked to a certain extent but it was more like a chore than something we really want to do. Then we decided that we should go for a baby as well while we are at it. Now my daughter is 2.5. Things never got better. We don’t talk about our lack of any intimacy physical or mental. We are living like roommates. He is the best husband a person can ask for on paper. My parents love him. He is the nicest guy. But in reality we never had any connection and no comparability. And whatever attraction and love i had for him in the beginning is lost completely. I have no idea what goes on his mind. He is a closed book i could never open. He accepts the problem but blames me too if i force him to open up. I am in such a bad place mentally. I keep thinking about the one life i got, i wasted it. Why did i get married so soon? I like someone in office who i have no future with because he is in some other country. I do not know what to do and how to live my life. I get thoughts that life should not be so long.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A case where the person shuts down because he carries the guilt of what is happening to him and what he is facing...not a very useful way of dealing with the situation but when society has drummed it into us that a 'man' is defined by his masculine traits and behaviors, can you blame him for it?
He is possibly embarrassed and this could be a reason for him 'closing down' within the marriage. He needs to be slowly cajoled out of what he is feeling...What the two of you could do is: start the marriage as though it is Day One...
Now, how would the two of you connect? How would things be different?
It is an attempt to reconnect with no past baggage which helps in focusing on each other in the present day. That helps in making good solid commitments to one another but of course, there has to be a lot of communication in this process. Do take the help of a professional if this feels too much to go through by yourselves.
And as for the colleague; hmmmm grass on the other side will always seem greener!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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