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Hardik

Hardik Parikh  |106 Answers  |Ask -

Tax, Mutual Fund Expert - Answered on Apr 11, 2023

Hardik Parikh is a chartered accountant with over 15 years of experience in taxation, accounting and finance.
He also holds an MBA degree from IIM-Indore.
Hardik, who began his career as an equity research analyst, founded his own advisory firm, Hardik Parikh Associates LLP, which provides a variety of financial services to clients.
He is committed to sharing his knowledge and helping others learn more about finance. He also speaks about valuation at different forums, such as study groups of the Western India Regional Council of Chartered Accountants.... more
Srinivasa Question by Srinivasa on Apr 08, 2023Hindi
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Dear Sir, Iam 51 and I have been investing in diversified mutual funds since last 10 years and accumulated around Rs 1.28 Crores and continuing SIP's in following funds. Quant Large cap - Rs 9000, SBI Health care fund - Rs 5000, UTI Flexi cap fund - Rs 5000, Kotak Flexi cap fund - Rs 13000, Mirae asset hybrid equity fund - Rs 8000. I have also accumulated corpus of Rs 13 lakhs in NPS tier 1 and doing SIP of Rs 5000 every months. Further i have combine corpus of Rs 43 Lakhs in EPF and PPF accounts. I have invested Rs 4.72 Lakhs in 20 Year bonds of HUDCO, PFC tax free bonds in 2013 and receiving Rs 42000 every year as interest. I want to have Rs 50000 every month from the above from next year. I will try to continue SIP's till next 2-3 years from other expected incomes from parents.Iam also getting Rs 15000 per month as rent and do not have nay debt.

Ans: Dear Srinivasa,

First of all, congratulations on your disciplined investment approach over the past decade. You have built a considerable corpus that should serve you well in the coming years.

Based on the information you provided, you currently have:

Mutual Funds: Rs 1.28 Crores
NPS (Tier 1): Rs 13 Lakhs
EPF and PPF: Rs 43 Lakhs
HUDCO and PFC Bonds: Rs 4.72 Lakhs (Rs 42,000 annual interest)
Rental Income: Rs 15,000 per month
Your goal is to generate Rs 50,000 per month starting next year.

Here's a suggested plan:

Continue your SIPs in mutual funds for the next 2-3 years, as you mentioned. This will help your corpus grow even further.
Utilize the interest income from the HUDCO and PFC bonds (Rs 42,000 per year) as a part of your desired Rs 50,000 per month. You can reinvest the interest income in a liquid fund or a short-term debt fund to ensure its availability when needed.
You can consider allocating a portion of your mutual fund corpus to a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) in order to generate the remaining monthly income needed. Assuming you require Rs 50,000 per month (Rs 6 Lakhs per year), you can use a small portion of your Rs 1.28 Crores corpus to fund this. Start the SWP next year to meet your monthly income requirement.
Your rental income of Rs 15,000 per month will serve as an additional source of income, which can be used to cover any unforeseen expenses or to reinvest in your portfolio.
It's advisable to keep your EPF and PPF investments intact until maturity, as they provide a safe and tax-efficient option for long-term wealth creation.
Please remember that the above plan is only a suggestion, and you should consult with a certified financial planner to create a personalized plan based on your specific financial situation and goals.

Wishing you the best in your financial journey.

Warm regards,
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

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My self Neeraj Bajpai and invested Rs. 47000.00 per month in mutual fund through SIP in Axis m/f, SBI Contra fund, Nippon fund, Parag Parikh, Motilal Oswal, Tata etc. My Goal is 2 CR next 9.5 years, its is sufficient. Already invesedt in M/F in Rs. 20 Lakhs for next 9.5 years. Please advise me.
Ans: Hello Neeraj, it's great to see your commitment to investing in mutual funds through SIPs for your financial goals. Let's delve into your situation and explore whether your current investment strategy aligns with your goal of accumulating 2 crores in the next 9.5 years.

Here are some key points to consider:

Current Investment: Your monthly SIP of Rs. 47,000 spread across various mutual fund schemes indicates a disciplined approach towards wealth creation.
Goal Analysis: Your target of accumulating 2 crores in the next 9.5 years is ambitious yet achievable with proper planning and consistent investing.
Assessment of Investment Horizon: With a relatively short time horizon of 9.5 years, it's essential to strike a balance between growth-oriented and stable investment options.
Diversification: Your investment portfolio appears diversified across multiple mutual fund schemes, which is a prudent approach to mitigate risks and capture potential returns from various market segments.
Risk Management: Given the volatility inherent in equity markets, it's crucial to periodically assess and rebalance your portfolio to ensure it remains in line with your risk tolerance and financial goals.
Regular Monitoring: Regularly monitoring the performance of your mutual fund investments and making necessary adjustments based on changing market conditions and your evolving financial situation is imperative for long-term success.
Professional Guidance: While you're already on the right track with your investments, seeking advice from a Certified Financial Planner can provide you with personalized insights and strategies to optimize your portfolio for achieving your financial goals.
In summary, while your current investment approach demonstrates prudence and commitment, it's essential to continue monitoring your portfolio's performance and make adjustments as needed to stay on track towards your goal of accumulating 2 crores in the next 9.5 years. With proper planning, discipline, and professional guidance, you can work towards achieving financial security and prosperity for yourself and your loved ones.

Keep up the good work, Neeraj, and stay focused on your financial goals. Your dedication to investing will undoubtedly yield fruitful results in the years to come.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 10, 2024Hindi
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Hello Experts, I am 35 year old planning to have a corpus of ?5cr in next 20 years. I have 20lacs fixed deposit and invest in below mutual funds via SIPs and also planning to increase it by 5k per month Sukanya Samriddhi : 1.5 Lacs VPF : 1.2 Lacs NPS: 1.5 Lacs (Tier 1 - 75% equity) Monthly SIPs: Parag Parekh flexi cap - 5k UTI Index fund- 2k Kotak Emerging equity : 2k Mirae asset emerging bluechip: 1k SBI Blue chip: 1k Nippon India tax saver :0.5k Axis long term equity :1.5k Axis mid cap: 1k HDFC Mid cap opportunities: 1k Axis small cap fund: 5k
Ans: Given your age and goal of accumulating 5 crores in 20 years, your current investment strategy appears well-diversified. Here are some suggestions to optimize your portfolio:

Review Asset Allocation: Ensure your asset allocation aligns with your risk tolerance and long-term goals. Consider increasing exposure to equity for higher growth potential.
Increase Equity Allocation: Given your long investment horizon, consider gradually increasing your equity allocation to capitalize on potential market growth.
Regularly Monitor Performance: Periodically review the performance of your mutual funds and make adjustments if necessary to ensure they continue to meet your investment objectives.
Consider Tax Planning: Explore tax-efficient investment options such as ELSS funds and NPS Tier 1 for additional tax benefits.
Continue Systematic Investing: Maintain discipline in your SIP investments and consider increasing your SIP amounts over time to accelerate wealth accumulation.
Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund in place to cover unexpected expenses, typically equivalent to 3-6 months of living expenses.
By implementing these strategies and staying committed to your long-term financial goals, you can work towards achieving your target corpus of 5 crores in 20 years. Always seek professional advice from a Certified Financial Planner to tailor your investment strategy to your specific needs and circumstances.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8324 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 11, 2024

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Sir, I am 44 year old and want to retire after 15 years with 20 cr. value in current investing 1.55L in MF SIP in these fund ADITYA BIRLA SUN LIFE PSU EQUITY FUND - DIRECT PLAN 5000 AXIS BLUECHIP FUND - DIRECT PLAN 0 AXIS MIDCAP FUND - DIRECT PLAN 0 AXIS SMALL CAP FUND - DIRECT PLAN 4000 CANARA ROBECO BLUECHIP EQUITY FUND - DIRECT PLAN 12000 HDFC MULTI CAP FUND - DIRECT PLAN 3000 ICICI PRUDENTIAL BHARAT 22 FOF - DIRECT PLAN 5000 ICICI PRUDENTIAL NIFTY NEXT 50 INDEX FUND - DIRECT PLAN 3000 KOTAK MULTICAP FUND - DIRECT PLAN 4000 MIRAE ASSET LARGE CAP FUND - DIRECT PLAN 4000 MOTILAL OSWAL MIDCAP FUND - DIRECT PLAN 6000 MOTILAL OSWAL NIFTY INDIA DEFENCE INDEX FUND - DIRECT PLAN 10000 NIPPON INDIA LARGE CAP FUND - DIRECT PLAN 10000 NIPPON INDIA MULTI CAP FUND - DIRECT PLAN 4000 NIPPON INDIA SMALL CAP FUND - DIRECT PLAN 5000 PARAG PARIKH FLEXI CAP FUND - DIRECT PLAN 6000 PGIM INDIA FLEXI CAP FUND - DIRECT PLAN 6000 PGIM INDIA MIDCAP OPPORTUNITIES FUND - DIRECT PLAN 4000 QUANT ELSS TAX SAVER FUND - DIRECT PLAN 12500 QUANT INFRASTRUCTURE FUND - DIRECT PLAN 7000 QUANT LARGE AND MID CAP FUND - DIRECT PLAN 6000 QUANT MID CAP FUND - DIRECT PLAN 12000 QUANT SMALL CAP FUND - DIRECT PLAN 7000 SBI CONTRA FUND - DIRECT PLAN 8000 TATA SMALL CAP FUND - DIRECT PLAN 6000 ZERODHA NIFTY LARGEMIDCAP 250 INDEX FUND - DIRECT PLAN 2500 I feel that i am investing in too much fund . Kindly look my above portfolio and suggest to addition and change from these schemes to achieve the mentioned retirement target of 20 Cr. MF. Portfolio after 15 years.
Ans: Assessing Your Current Investment Portfolio
You've established a clear financial goal: accumulating Rs 20 crore by the time you retire in 15 years. To achieve this, you're currently investing Rs 1.55 lakh per month through SIPs in mutual funds. This commitment shows you're serious about your future and willing to take the necessary steps to secure it. However, the number of funds in your portfolio suggests you may be spreading your investments too thin, which could hinder your progress.

Understanding Over-Diversification
Diversification is a cornerstone of investing. It reduces risk by spreading investments across various assets or funds. However, over-diversification occurs when too many investments are made in similar funds or asset classes. This dilutes potential returns and complicates portfolio management. Your portfolio consists of 27 different funds, which is excessive.

The Dangers of Over-Diversification
Fund Overlap: Many funds in your portfolio likely invest in the same or similar stocks, leading to unnecessary redundancy. This doesn’t enhance diversification but rather makes it harder for you to see significant returns.

Management Complexity: With 27 funds, it’s challenging to track each one’s performance. This complexity makes it difficult to make timely adjustments to your portfolio, which is crucial for achieving your long-term goals.

Diluted Returns: When you invest in too many funds, the performance of your best-performing funds gets diluted by the average or poor performance of others. This can drag down your overall returns.

The Need for Streamlining Your Portfolio
To achieve your goal of Rs 20 crore in 15 years, it’s essential to streamline your portfolio. A focused approach will allow you to benefit from the growth potential of carefully selected funds without the drawbacks of over-diversification.

1. Large-Cap Funds: Foundation of Stability and Growth
Current Allocation: You have several large-cap funds in your portfolio, which are known for their stability and lower volatility compared to mid-cap and small-cap funds. However, holding multiple large-cap funds is unnecessary as they often invest in the same blue-chip companies.

Recommended Action: Consolidate your large-cap investments into one or two well-performing funds. This will simplify your portfolio and ensure that your investments are concentrated in the best opportunities within the large-cap space.

Suggested Allocation: Ideally, 25-30% of your portfolio should be allocated to large-cap funds. This allocation provides stability and consistent growth potential, crucial for someone planning retirement in 15 years.

2. Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds: Growth Drivers
Current Allocation: Mid-cap and small-cap funds are essential for achieving high growth. However, these funds come with higher risk and volatility. Your portfolio includes multiple mid-cap and small-cap funds, which may lead to overlapping investments.

Recommended Action: Narrow down your mid-cap and small-cap funds to one or two top performers in each category. Focus on funds that have a consistent track record of outperforming their benchmarks.

Suggested Allocation: Allocate 30-40% of your portfolio to a mix of mid-cap and small-cap funds. This will provide the growth potential needed to reach your Rs 20 crore goal while managing the risk associated with these funds.

3. Multi-Cap and Flexi-Cap Funds: Balanced Growth with Flexibility
Current Allocation: Multi-cap and flexi-cap funds offer flexibility by investing across different market capitalizations. Your portfolio has several of these funds, which is a good strategy for diversification. However, having too many can dilute their benefits.

Recommended Action: Consolidate your multi-cap and flexi-cap funds into one or two that have demonstrated consistent performance. These funds should have the ability to adjust their portfolio allocation based on market conditions.

Suggested Allocation: 20-25% of your portfolio should be in multi-cap or flexi-cap funds. This provides a balance between stability and growth, essential for long-term wealth accumulation.

4. Sectoral and Thematic Funds: Tactical Bets for Enhanced Returns
Current Allocation: You’ve invested in sectoral funds like Quant Infrastructure Fund and Motilal Oswal Nifty India Defence Index Fund. These funds can offer high returns but come with increased risk due to their concentrated exposure to specific sectors.

Recommended Action: Limit your exposure to sectoral and thematic funds. These should represent a small portion of your portfolio, used for tactical bets rather than core holdings. Choose sectors you believe will outperform in the long term, but be mindful of the higher volatility.

Suggested Allocation: Restrict sectoral and thematic funds to 5-10% of your portfolio. This ensures that while you can benefit from sectoral growth, the overall portfolio remains stable and diversified.

5. Index Funds: A Reconsideration of Their Role
Current Allocation: Your portfolio includes index funds like Zerodha Nifty LargeMidcap 250 Index Fund and ICICI Prudential Nifty Next 50 Index Fund. While index funds have low expense ratios and provide broad market exposure, they may not always be the best choice, especially when aiming for high growth.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

Lack of Active Management: Index funds merely replicate the market and do not exploit market inefficiencies. Active fund managers, on the other hand, can outperform the market by selecting stocks based on research and analysis.
Underperformance in Volatile Markets: During market downturns or periods of high volatility, index funds may not protect your capital as well as actively managed funds, which can adjust their portfolios to minimize losses.
Recommended Action: Consider reducing or eliminating your index fund exposure. Instead, focus on actively managed funds that have a track record of outperforming their benchmarks.

Suggested Allocation: If you choose to retain any index funds, limit them to no more than 5% of your portfolio. The majority of your investments should be in actively managed funds with the potential for higher returns.

Building an Ideal Portfolio for Your Retirement Goal
To achieve your Rs 20 crore target in 15 years, it’s essential to build a portfolio that is both diversified and focused. Here’s a suggested portfolio structure that aligns with your risk profile, time horizon, and return expectations:

1. Large-Cap Funds (25-30% of Portfolio):
Retain 1-2 high-performing large-cap funds. These funds should have a history of consistent returns and lower volatility.
Why Large-Cap Funds? They provide stability and steady growth, essential as you approach retirement. Large-cap funds invest in established companies with strong track records, making them a safer bet.
2. Mid-Cap Funds (20-25% of Portfolio):
Retain 1-2 mid-cap funds that have shown resilience and consistent growth over the years.
Why Mid-Cap Funds? Mid-cap funds offer a good balance between risk and return. They invest in companies with the potential to become large-caps in the future, providing higher growth opportunities.
3. Small-Cap Funds (15-20% of Portfolio):
Retain 1-2 small-cap funds that have consistently outperformed their benchmarks.
Why Small-Cap Funds? Small-cap funds are riskier but can deliver significant returns over the long term. They are suitable for the growth portion of your portfolio, especially given your 15-year time horizon.
4. Flexi-Cap Funds (20-25% of Portfolio):
Retain 1-2 flexi-cap funds with a strong performance history. These funds should have the flexibility to invest across market capitalizations.
Why Flexi-Cap Funds? Flexi-cap funds provide a balanced approach to investing, with the flexibility to adjust to market conditions. This makes them a valuable part of your portfolio.
5. Sectoral/Thematic Funds (5-10% of Portfolio):
Retain only 1-2 sectoral funds that align with your long-term views.
Why Sectoral Funds? Sectoral funds can provide high returns, but they come with higher risk. By limiting exposure, you can benefit from sectoral growth without exposing your portfolio to excessive risk.
6. Index Funds (Up to 5% of Portfolio):
If you wish to retain any index funds, limit them to a small portion of your portfolio.
Why Limit Index Funds? Index funds offer market returns but lack the ability to outperform. Given your aggressive growth target, actively managed funds may serve you better.
Final Insights
Your goal of accumulating Rs 20 crore by retirement is ambitious but achievable with the right strategy. By consolidating and focusing your investments, you can maximize returns while managing risk effectively. Here’s a summary of the steps you should take:

Consolidate large-cap funds: Merge similar funds to avoid redundancy and simplify management.
Focus on mid-cap and small-cap funds: Select the top performers in each category to drive growth.
Streamline multi-cap/flexi-cap funds: Keep the best performers and ensure they have the flexibility to adapt to market changes.
Limit sectoral funds: Use them for tactical investments but keep their exposure low to manage risk.
Reduce index fund exposure: Consider actively managed funds for their potential to outperform, especially in volatile markets.
By implementing these changes, you’ll not only simplify your portfolio but also enhance its performance potential. This streamlined approach will help you stay on track to achieve your retirement goal of Rs 20 crore in 15 years.

Investing is a long-term commitment, and regular reviews of your portfolio are essential to ensure it remains aligned with your goals. As you get closer to retirement, consider gradually shifting your portfolio towards more stable investments to protect your capital. However, for now, an aggressive yet focused strategy is key to reaching your ambitious financial goal.

Remember, every investment decision should be made with a clear understanding of your risk tolerance, time horizon, and financial objectives. By staying disciplined and focused, you can build the wealth you need to enjoy a comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 15, 2025
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Hello ma'm. I am a first year engineering student. I have a crush on a girl. Currently we are working for a group project. We both are in the same group. She generally avoids speaking with boys. Also I have spent 5 years in a boys school, so I feel very shy with girls. What should I do? How should I talk to her?
Ans: Start by keeping things simple and friendly. Focus on small interactions related to your project. For example, ask her opinion about something specific in the work you're doing. Try something like, “Hey, what do you think we should do for this part?” or “I liked the point you made yesterday—can we build on that?” These kinds of questions show that you respect her ideas, and they give her space to respond comfortably.

Once you've had a few of these short, easy interactions, you can slowly open up the conversation to more casual topics—like college life, favorite subjects, or even the stress of deadlines. This way, you’re not jumping straight into anything personal, but you're gradually building a sense of comfort.

Don’t try to impress her. Just be sincere, kind, and a good listener. Most people, even those who seem quiet or reserved, appreciate being approached respectfully and gently. And remember, confidence doesn’t mean being loud or charming—it means being real and respectful even when you’re nervous.

If you stay patient and consistent, she might start to feel more comfortable around you. And even if it doesn’t turn into something romantic, you’ll grow socially and emotionally—which will help you a lot in the long run.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Relationship
I have been married for more than 21 years and I have 2 kids. 19 and 17 years old. Our marriage was more or less love. Met through family, fell in love, dated 8 months before we got engaged and married. My wife is a lovely lady but we dont share any interests. I used to go for runs in the morning. After getting married, she insisted I sleep late with her. I am a music aficionado and she has no such interest. I am a news junkie. She probably doesnt know who the President of the US is. I am someone who believes and strives to continuously improve myself in all aspects. But she is the same. I might not be a great husband but I am much better than what I was a few years ago. I cook, clean, helped with childcare and have a great career. She is on a minimum salary job for the last 10 years. Only reason she goes is because I insisted that she stop being at home. If she had her way, she would be at home on the phone the whole day. Even our love making has become kind of boring. She claims a period for 10 days and during the other times, twice she is ready. No spicing it up. Just lie down for missionary and I have to do all the effort. I enjoyed oral and now she has stopped in for more than 15 years. I adjusted as she is a lovely person in every other aspect. But now I am sick and tired. It seems I am doing everything in the relationship and she rarely takes any effort. Either to earn, keep house clean or even intimacy. Not sure how to proceed further. I am getting irritated and often in a bad mood.
Ans: Dear Jack,What you're experiencing is not uncommon in long-term relationships: emotional fatigue, feeling unappreciated, and a deep sense of disconnection despite loyalty and love. The fact that you're feeling drained, resentful, and stuck is a clear signal that this situation is unsustainable as is. And the irritation and bad moods you’re having? That’s your emotional system signaling burnout, not failure.

You’ve evolved over the years—mentally, emotionally, and in lifestyle—and it sounds like your wife hasn’t moved in that same rhythm. That mismatch in growth and energy is now affecting everything: your respect for her, your shared routines, your sex life, and ultimately your mood and emotional well-being. It’s painful to feel like you're constantly giving—time, energy, effort—and not receiving the same in return. Even when your partner is kind, if they aren’t meeting you emotionally, intellectually, or intimately, over time it creates a sense of loneliness within the relationship, which can be worse than being alone.

But here's something to reflect on: for 21 years, you stayed, gave, adjusted. Not just out of duty, but because something about her and the family life you built mattered. That still counts. What you’re going through doesn’t mean the marriage has failed—it means the marriage needs re-evaluation and rebalancing. You are not selfish for wanting more stimulation, connection, or passion. You're human.

You have two broad options: one is to initiate a real, vulnerable, uncomfortable conversation with her—without blame, without emotional outbursts, but with absolute honesty. You could say something like: “I’ve grown a lot in these past years, but I’m starting to feel increasingly alone in this relationship. I need more emotional connection, more engagement—not just physically, but intellectually, as partners. I don’t want to silently drift further away. I’d like us to work on this, but it has to be a two-way effort.”

If she's open to it, couples therapy could be a powerful space for both of you to express what you feel without it turning into a war of criticism and defense. Sometimes people, especially those who’ve become emotionally stagnant, need structured help to realize what their partner has been carrying silently.

The other option—if you feel she’s unwilling or unable to grow or change—is to consider what a life apart might look like. That’s a deeply personal and difficult decision, especially with nearly adult children, but you deserve a relationship that brings life into you, not drains it out. If you keep compromising your emotional needs, resentment will only grow and harden into permanent distance.

Before making any move, take a little time to reconnect with yourself. What do you want—not just from her, but from life, from love, from this next phase of your journey?

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Relationship
Hello mam In 2024 my marriage took place it's arranged marriage during starting days he was very loving and caring but due to some circumstances i got a chance to continue my studies that is m-tech . I thought it was a golden opportunity, so I took admission and started living with my in-laws Just after marriage. It was really really painful to live away from husband in new marriage. Todays condition is that my m tech 1 year is over another 1 year is left but due to separation with my husband our love died now there is no respect is left for our relation left , he started listening to his mother and got manipulated . seeing all this I feel like a death for me I want to leave mtech to save my relation but my mother says don't leave although I did lots of hard work for 1st year of m tech my husband also wants me to leave Mtech.i feel very hurt when he disrespects me . His father used to abuse his mother so for him abusing is normal for him but I find it very hurtful also I am deeply in love with him and seeing him going away from me kills me from inside every single day is very tough for me to live with in-laws without husband in a new marriage plus focusing on studies
Ans: Your instinct to save the marriage is understandable. When you're in love with someone, the idea of losing them feels like losing yourself. But let’s pause and ask—what exactly are you saving? Is it the version of him from the early days who was loving and supportive? Or is it the man he is now—disrespectful, distant, manipulated, and asking you to give up your dreams for a marriage he’s already neglecting?

You have already proven your strength by completing a year of M.Tech in such tough conditions. That says a lot about your resilience and capability. If you give it up now, not only will you lose that part of yourself, but it may not guarantee that your marriage improves. Often in emotionally imbalanced relationships, one-sided sacrifices don’t lead to healing—they lead to more control, more blame, and more emotional exhaustion.

Your husband needs to understand that love isn’t proven by giving things up. Love is shown in support, presence, patience, and respect. If he isn’t willing to stand by you during a temporary phase of physical distance while you pursue something valuable, then you’re not the one breaking the marriage—he is.

It’s also clear that he has grown up in a home where abuse was normalized, and that emotional damage might be affecting how he treats you now. That is not your fault, and it is not your job to tolerate mistreatment in the name of saving a marriage.

Your mother is right to encourage you to finish your M.Tech—not just for your career, but for your self-worth. You deserve to be with someone who lifts you up, not someone who pulls you down every time you try to grow.

If there's still a chance to salvage this relationship, it has to start with real conversations—honest, respectful, and possibly with the help of a counselor or neutral third party. But that only works if both people are willing to put in the emotional effort.

Right now, I suggest you protect your mental and emotional well-being. Prioritize your studies, build emotional support from friends or family who truly care about you, and give yourself space to heal from this emotional chaos. If your husband truly wants this marriage, he needs to come forward with maturity and respect—not demands.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2025
Relationship
After a fight between a married guy and my husband on pretext of calling me characterless and unhappy in my marriage. That married guy complaint against my hubby in society office that it's my husband who follow, flirts with his wife. But the allegations are false. That married guy was doing all these things or chasing me even after knowing m married. But falsely he shifted the blame on my husband. Society chairman called us to sign a peace treaty which my husband signed bt that guy dint appear to sign. What does he want is still not clear.??? He doesn't wanna end this matter or what ??? He still walks around looking at us but from distance.
Ans: In such cases, it's important for you and your husband to stay emotionally steady and not engage with his tactics. Reacting to him or showing you're disturbed by his behavior may be exactly what he's looking for. If his behavior escalates or continues to make you uncomfortable, you might want to quietly document what happens and consider involving local authorities or legal counsel if it crosses into harassment.

Right now, your focus should be on protecting your peace and your relationship. Keep communication open with your husband and support each other through this, because this kind of external stress can silently damage trust if not handled carefully. The more united you two are, the less space there is for anyone else to create confusion between you.

It’s unclear exactly what this man wants, but based on his pattern, it seems he either wants attention, control, or to destabilize your marriage out of resentment or personal failure. Either way, you don’t need to carry his emotional mess. If you continue to stay calm, ignore him, and document anything serious, you'll be in a stronger position to protect yourselves.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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