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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 02, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Aditya Question by Aditya on Jun 22, 2024Hindi
Money

Hello sir, I have started my first job now with salary of 45k per month and I want to invest the money.. excluding 20k from the salary for my personal expense... Could you guide me proper roadmap for investing rest 25k money and where to invest and possible outcome in coming years

Ans: Congratulations on starting your first job and thinking about investing. You're making a smart move to secure your financial future. Let's create a detailed roadmap for investing Rs 25,000 per month from your salary.

Genuine Compliments and Empathy
Starting to invest early in your career is a fantastic decision. It shows you are serious about building a secure financial future. This proactive approach will help you achieve your financial goals.

Understanding Your Financial Goals
Investment Amount:

Rs 25,000 per month
Objective:

Build a substantial corpus over time
Ensure growth and financial security
Time Horizon:

Long-term investment for wealth creation
Types of Investments
To maximize returns and minimize risk, it's essential to diversify your investments. Here’s how you can allocate your Rs 25,000 monthly investment:

1. Equity Mutual Funds
Overview:

Equity mutual funds invest in stocks of various companies.
They offer potential for high returns over the long term.
Advantages:

Higher returns compared to other investment options.
Diversification reduces risk.
Risks:

Market risk: Value can fluctuate.
Requires a long-term horizon to ride out volatility.
Recommended Allocation:

Allocate Rs 10,000 per month to equity mutual funds.
Focus on large-cap and diversified equity funds for stability and growth.
2. Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Overview:

SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds.
They offer the benefit of rupee cost averaging and disciplined investing.
Advantages:

Reduces the impact of market volatility.
Makes investing affordable and regular.
Risks:

Subject to market risk.
Requires patience and consistency.
Recommended Allocation:

Continue with the Rs 10,000 allocation for equity mutual funds through SIPs.
This disciplined approach builds wealth over time.
3. Debt Mutual Funds
Overview:

Debt mutual funds invest in fixed-income securities like bonds and government securities.
They provide regular interest income and are less volatile than equity funds.
Advantages:

Lower risk compared to equities.
Provides stability to your portfolio.
Risks:

Interest rate risk: Value may decrease if interest rates rise.
Credit risk: Possibility of issuer default.
Recommended Allocation:

Allocate Rs 5,000 per month to debt mutual funds.
This creates a balanced portfolio and reduces overall risk.
4. Hybrid Funds
Overview:

Hybrid funds invest in a mix of equity and debt.
They offer a balanced approach to investing.
Advantages:

Diversification across asset classes.
Potential for growth with reduced risk.
Risks:

Market risk from equity component.
Interest rate and credit risks from debt component.
Recommended Allocation:

Allocate Rs 5,000 per month to hybrid funds.
This provides a balanced exposure to both equity and debt.
Tax-Advantaged Investments
To optimize your tax savings, consider investing in instruments that offer tax benefits.

1. Equity-Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS)
Overview:

ELSS funds are equity mutual funds that offer tax benefits under Section 80C.
They come with a lock-in period of three years.
Advantages:

Tax deduction up to Rs 1.5 lakh per year.
Potential for high returns.
Risks:

Market risk: Subject to equity market volatility.
Lock-in period: Funds are locked for three years.
Recommended Allocation:

If not already included in the Rs 10,000 SIP allocation, consider investing part of it in ELSS for tax benefits.
Emergency Fund
You already have a substantial emergency fund, which is great. Ensure it is accessible and sufficient for at least 6-12 months of expenses.

1. Liquid Funds
Overview:

Liquid funds invest in short-term debt instruments.
They offer quick access to funds with minimal risk.
Advantages:

High liquidity.
Better returns than a savings account.
Risks:

Lower returns compared to other debt funds.
Interest rate risk.
Recommended Allocation:

Keep a portion of your emergency fund in liquid funds.
This ensures quick access and better returns than a savings account.
Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Overview:

Regularly review your investment portfolio.
Rebalance your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation.
Advantages:

Keeps your investments aligned with your goals.
Reduces risk by maintaining diversification.
Recommended Actions:

Review your portfolio every six months.
Rebalance if any asset class deviates significantly from the desired allocation.
Power of Compounding
The power of compounding is your best friend in long-term investing. By reinvesting your returns, your money grows exponentially over time.

Overview:

Compounding is earning returns on your initial investment and the returns generated.
The longer you stay invested, the more your money grows.
Advantages:

Exponential growth of wealth.
Maximizes long-term returns.
Example:

Investing Rs 25,000 per month in a diversified portfolio can grow significantly over 10-15 years due to compounding.
Disadvantages of Index Funds
While index funds are popular, they have some drawbacks compared to actively managed funds.

Limited Flexibility:

Index funds mirror the market and cannot adapt to changing conditions.
Actively managed funds can adjust to market trends and opportunities.
No Outperformance:

Index funds aim to match the market, not outperform it.
Actively managed funds can potentially deliver higher returns.
Recommended Approach:

Prefer actively managed funds through a Certified Financial Planner for tailored advice and potential outperformance.
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds might seem attractive due to lower expense ratios, but they come with their own challenges.

Lack of Guidance:

Direct funds require you to make all investment decisions.
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner provides expert advice and tailored strategies.
Time-Consuming:

Managing direct funds can be time-consuming and complex.
Professional guidance simplifies the process and ensures informed decisions.
Recommended Approach:

Invest through regular funds with guidance from a Certified Financial Planner.
Final Insights
By following this roadmap, you can effectively invest Rs 25,000 per month and build a substantial corpus over time. Here's a summary of the steps:

Equity Mutual Funds:

Allocate Rs 10,000 per month.
Focus on large-cap and diversified funds.
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs):

Continue with disciplined SIP contributions.
Debt Mutual Funds:

Allocate Rs 5,000 per month.
Provides stability and regular income.
Hybrid Funds:

Allocate Rs 5,000 per month.
Balanced exposure to equity and debt.
ELSS for Tax Savings:

Consider part of SIP allocation for tax benefits.
Emergency Fund:

Maintain liquidity and accessibility.
Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing:

Review and adjust your portfolio every six months.
By diversifying your investments and leveraging the power of compounding, you'll be well on your way to achieving your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
Asked on - Jul 02, 2024 | Answered on Jul 03, 2024
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I want to ask some mutual fund which you can suggest to invest.. also any plan in which I get monthly pension as income later by investing now. Thank you.
Ans: For mutual fund investments, consider diversified equity funds for growth potential and balanced or hybrid funds for stability. To receive a monthly pension-like income later, a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) is a suitable option. You can invest in balanced or hybrid funds and set up an SWP to withdraw a fixed amount monthly. This approach provides both capital appreciation and regular income, ensuring a steady cash flow during retirement. Diversifying across various fund types can help balance risk and return, making your investment portfolio more resilient.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 09, 2024Hindi
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I am 24 , just started earning 90k per month, just starting my career , no investments yet, my monthly spend is 40k , how to invest n how much to invest in vivid sectors so that I can retire early?
Ans: Building a Strong Investment Portfolio for Early Retirement
Start with a Financial Plan
Congratulations on starting your career and thinking about your financial future. Planning early can help you achieve financial independence and an early retirement.

Determine Your Investment Goals
First, clarify your investment goals. Since you aim to retire early, calculate how much you need to save to maintain your desired lifestyle. This will help guide your investment strategy.

Monthly Savings Plan
You earn ?90,000 per month and spend ?40,000, leaving ?50,000 for savings and investments. A disciplined approach will help you maximize your returns.

Emergency Fund
Before investing, create an emergency fund. Save at least six months’ worth of expenses (?2.4 lakhs). This fund should be kept in a liquid savings account or short-term fixed deposits for easy access.

Diversified Investment Portfolio
1. Mutual Funds
Start with mutual funds to benefit from professional management and diversification. Allocate a significant portion of your savings here. Focus on actively managed funds to potentially achieve higher returns compared to index funds.

Equity Funds: Invest in large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds for growth. These funds can offer high returns over the long term.

ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme): These funds provide tax benefits under Section 80C. They have a lock-in period of three years but can offer good returns.

2. Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Invest through SIPs in mutual funds. This approach ensures disciplined investing and helps in averaging out the investment cost over time. Start with a monthly SIP of ?30,000 across different funds.

3. Public Provident Fund (PPF)
PPF is a safe and tax-efficient investment option. It offers good returns with tax benefits under Section 80C. Consider investing ?5,000 per month in PPF.

4. National Pension System (NPS)
NPS is a government-backed retirement savings scheme. It offers tax benefits and a disciplined approach to retirement savings. Allocate ?5,000 per month to NPS.

5. Stocks
Direct equity investment can provide substantial returns but comes with higher risks. Start small, with ?5,000 per month, and gradually increase as you gain experience. Focus on fundamentally strong companies with long-term growth potential.

6. Gold
Gold can act as a hedge against inflation. Invest in gold bonds or gold ETFs instead of physical gold. Allocate ?2,000 per month.

Monitor and Review
Regularly monitor your investment portfolio. Review your investments every six months to ensure they align with your goals. Adjust allocations based on performance and changes in your financial situation.

Financial Discipline and Learning
Maintain financial discipline by sticking to your investment plan. Continuously educate yourself about personal finance and investments. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to get personalized advice.

Conclusion
By starting early and investing wisely, you can build a substantial corpus for early retirement. Diversify your investments across mutual funds, PPF, NPS, stocks, and gold. Maintain financial discipline and review your portfolio regularly to stay on track with your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 11, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I am 28 years old Female. I am a state government employee. My in hand salary is 47k. My expenses are around 25k. I have 22k remaining left with me every month. How should I invest my money so that I can get maximum returns?
Ans: You are 28 years old, working as a state government employee, with a stable monthly income of Rs. 47,000. Your monthly expenses are Rs. 25,000, leaving you with Rs. 22,000 to invest each month. You are at an excellent stage in life to start building wealth and securing your financial future.

Setting Clear Financial Goals
Before you begin investing, it's important to set clear financial goals. These goals could be short-term (like building an emergency fund), medium-term (like saving for a vacation or higher education), or long-term (like retirement planning).

Short-term Goal: Build an emergency fund. Aim for 6 months' worth of expenses, about Rs. 1.5 lakh, in a safe and liquid instrument.

Medium-term Goal: Save for any significant expenses you foresee in the next 5-7 years. This could include travel, further studies, or even starting a business.

Long-term Goal: Retirement planning. It’s never too early to start. Compounding works best when given time, so start investing for retirement now.

Building an Emergency Fund
Your first step should be to establish an emergency fund. This fund should be easily accessible and cover at least 6 months of your expenses.

Savings Account or Liquid Fund: Consider parking your emergency fund in a high-interest savings account or a liquid mutual fund. These options offer safety and liquidity, which are key for emergency funds.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) for Long-Term Wealth Creation
Once your emergency fund is in place, you should consider investing your remaining Rs. 22,000 per month in a well-diversified portfolio. A Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in mutual funds is an excellent way to achieve long-term financial goals.

Equity Mutual Funds: Allocate a significant portion of your SIPs to equity mutual funds. Equity funds have the potential to offer high returns over the long term, which can help you build a substantial corpus.

Diversification: Within equity mutual funds, diversify across large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds. This reduces risk and ensures that your portfolio benefits from the growth of different segments of the market.

Avoiding the Pitfalls of Index and Direct Funds
Disadvantages of Index Funds: Index funds might seem attractive due to lower costs, but they only offer average returns. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, have the potential to outperform the market, which is crucial for maximizing returns.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds: Managing investments on your own through direct funds can be challenging. It requires constant monitoring and expertise. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures professional management and guidance, which is essential for optimizing returns.

Balanced Approach with Debt Funds
While equity funds are important for growth, a portion of your portfolio should be allocated to debt funds. Debt funds provide stability and are less volatile than equity funds.

Debt Mutual Funds: Consider allocating around 20-30% of your investment to debt funds. This will give your portfolio a good balance between risk and return, ensuring that your investments grow steadily while also protecting your capital.

Tax-Saving Investments
As a government employee, you should also consider tax-saving investments under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act.

ELSS Funds: Equity Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS) funds are a popular tax-saving option that also offers the potential for high returns. They come with a lock-in period of 3 years, which is the shortest among all Section 80C options.

Insurance Planning
While investments are important, insurance is equally crucial. Ensure that you have adequate life and health insurance coverage.

Term Insurance: A term insurance plan is a must to secure your family’s financial future. It offers a high sum assured at a low premium.

Health Insurance: Make sure you have sufficient health insurance coverage. Your employer may provide health insurance, but it's wise to have a personal policy as well.

Regular Portfolio Review and Rebalancing
Investing is not a one-time activity. It requires regular monitoring and adjustments. As your financial situation changes, so should your investment strategy.

Annual Portfolio Review: Review your portfolio at least once a year. Assess the performance of your investments and make changes if necessary.

Rebalancing: If your equity investments have grown significantly, consider rebalancing your portfolio by shifting some funds to debt. This will help maintain the desired asset allocation and reduce risk.

Consideration for Professional Guidance
Investing can be complex, and it’s easy to make mistakes if you’re not well-versed in the financial markets. A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide you with expert advice tailored to your specific goals and risk tolerance.

Final Insights
You have a great opportunity to build wealth at 28 with disciplined investments. Prioritize building an emergency fund, then invest regularly through SIPs in a diversified portfolio. Avoid index and direct funds, opting instead for actively managed funds through a CFP. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 14, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Sir, I am 24 year unmarried earning monthly 50k. I have my depts till December with monthly 50k consists of loan 14000 and home 22000 and my rent and monthly expenses 15k for bachelor. Still I can mangebke with this salary till December.. everything will be completed. So from next January onwards I want to invest some of the money for future scope . Could you please give me a detailed planing about it. Regards Ganesh
Ans: Dear Ganesh,

Congratulations on nearing the end of your debt obligations. It’s commendable that you are planning ahead and thinking about investing for your future. At 24, you have a great opportunity to build a strong financial foundation. Here’s a detailed plan to help you start investing from January onwards.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
You earn Rs 50,000 per month. Currently, your expenses are as follows:

Loan Repayment: Rs 14,000
Home Loan: Rs 22,000
Rent and Monthly Expenses: Rs 15,000
Your total monthly expenses amount to Rs 51,000. You are managing these expenses well and will clear your debts by December. From January onwards, you will have more disposable income to invest.

Building an Emergency Fund
The first step in your financial journey should be to build an emergency fund. An emergency fund provides a safety net for unexpected expenses. Aim to save at least six months’ worth of living expenses.

Target Amount: Rs 90,000 (6 x Rs 15,000)
Monthly Contribution: Set aside a portion of your income each month until you reach this target.
Keep this fund in a liquid asset, such as a savings account or a liquid mutual fund, for easy access.

Budgeting and Saving
Effective budgeting is crucial for financial stability. Here’s how you can allocate your monthly income of Rs 50,000 from January:

Savings and Investments: 30% (Rs 15,000)
Emergency Fund: 10% (Rs 5,000)
Rent and Living Expenses: 30% (Rs 15,000)
Discretionary Spending: 20% (Rs 10,000)
Insurance and Miscellaneous: 10% (Rs 5,000)
This allocation ensures you save and invest a significant portion while covering your expenses.

Investing for the Future
Investing is key to building wealth over time. Here are some investment strategies to consider:

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
A SIP allows you to invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds. It’s a disciplined way to build wealth and averages the cost of investment over time.

Equity Mutual Funds: These funds invest in stocks and offer high returns. They are suitable for long-term goals.
Debt Mutual Funds: These funds invest in fixed-income securities, providing stable returns. They balance the risk in your portfolio.
Balanced Funds: These funds invest in a mix of equities and debt, offering growth with reduced risk.
Investing through SIPs can help you achieve your financial goals while mitigating market volatility.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
While index funds provide diversification at low cost, actively managed funds can potentially offer higher returns. Professional fund managers actively select and manage stocks, aiming to outperform the market.

Expert Management: Fund managers have the expertise to select high-potential stocks.
Flexibility: Actively managed funds can adjust their portfolios based on market conditions.
By investing in actively managed funds through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential, you can benefit from professional guidance and tailored investment strategies.

Insurance and Risk Management
Insurance is essential to protect your financial well-being. Here are key insurance strategies:

Health Insurance
Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage. Medical expenses can be significant, and health insurance provides financial protection.

Coverage Amount: At least Rs 5 lakhs
Family Coverage: Consider a family floater plan if you have dependents.
Life Insurance
Life insurance is crucial if you have dependents. A term insurance plan offers high coverage at a low premium.

Coverage Amount: At least 10 times your annual income.
Term Insurance: Provides financial security to your family in case of an unforeseen event.
Tax Planning
Effective tax planning can help you save money and increase your net worth. Here are some tax-saving strategies:

Section 80C
Invest in tax-saving instruments to avail deductions under Section 80C.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): Offers attractive interest rates and tax benefits.
Equity-Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS): Mutual funds with a lock-in period of three years, offering high returns and tax benefits.
Section 80D
Claim deductions on health insurance premiums paid for yourself and your family under Section 80D.

Long-Term Financial Goals
Setting clear long-term financial goals is essential. Here are some common goals to consider:

Retirement Planning
Start investing for your retirement early to build a substantial corpus.

Employee Provident Fund (EPF): Contribute to EPF if you are employed.
National Pension System (NPS): Offers a mix of equity, corporate bonds, and government securities with tax benefits.
Purchasing a House
If you plan to buy a house, start saving for the down payment early. Consider saving in a dedicated account for this purpose.

Children’s Education
If you plan to have children, start an education fund early. Investing in child-specific plans or mutual funds can help you build a corpus for their education.

Regular Financial Review
Regularly reviewing your financial plan is crucial to stay on track to achieve your goals. Here are some tips:

Annual Review: Conduct an annual review of your financial plan. Assess your progress and make necessary adjustments.
Life Changes: Update your financial plan in response to significant life changes like marriage, birth of a child, or a change in employment.
Market Conditions: Stay informed about market conditions and adjust your investments accordingly. Consult with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to get professional advice.
Avoiding Common Financial Pitfalls
To achieve financial success, it's essential to avoid common financial pitfalls:

High-Interest Debt: Avoid taking on high-interest debt. It can strain your finances and reduce your ability to save and invest.
Impulse Purchases: Stick to your financial plan and avoid impulsive spending. Discipline is crucial for long-term financial success.
Ignoring Inflation: Factor in inflation when planning your savings and investments. Inflation can erode the purchasing power of your money over time.
The Benefits of Regular Funds Through MFD with CFP Credential
Investing in regular funds through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a CFP credential offers several advantages:

Professional Guidance: Access to expert advice and personalized investment strategies.
Active Management: Benefit from the expertise of fund managers who actively select and manage stocks.
Convenience: MFDs handle the administrative aspects of your investments, making the process hassle-free.
Final Insights
Planning your finances is a continuous process that requires regular review and adjustment. By managing your expenses, saving diligently, investing wisely, and ensuring adequate insurance coverage, you can achieve your financial goals and secure your future.

Your proactive approach to financial planning is commendable. Continue to educate yourself on financial matters and seek professional advice when needed. Remember, a well-planned financial strategy can provide you with peace of mind and a secure future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Hi Anu, i am 34 year old woman married to a 41 year old man. We are married for past 10 years. We had no sexual relationship for first 5 years, after lot of pestering and fights and realisation that there must a physical problem at my husband’s end i convinced him to visit an expert in this domain. Turns out he had low testosterone level. He took the necessary medication and i really tried for 1 year to make it work. It worked to a certain extent but it was more like a chore than something we really want to do. Then we decided that we should go for a baby as well while we are at it. Now my daughter is 2.5. Things never got better. We don’t talk about our lack of any intimacy physical or mental. We are living like roommates. He is the best husband a person can ask for on paper. My parents love him. He is the nicest guy. But in reality we never had any connection and no comparability. And whatever attraction and love i had for him in the beginning is lost completely. I have no idea what goes on his mind. He is a closed book i could never open. He accepts the problem but blames me too if i force him to open up. I am in such a bad place mentally. I keep thinking about the one life i got, i wasted it. Why did i get married so soon? I like someone in office who i have no future with because he is in some other country. I do not know what to do and how to live my life. I get thoughts that life should not be so long.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A case where the person shuts down because he carries the guilt of what is happening to him and what he is facing...not a very useful way of dealing with the situation but when society has drummed it into us that a 'man' is defined by his masculine traits and behaviors, can you blame him for it?
He is possibly embarrassed and this could be a reason for him 'closing down' within the marriage. He needs to be slowly cajoled out of what he is feeling...What the two of you could do is: start the marriage as though it is Day One...
Now, how would the two of you connect? How would things be different?
It is an attempt to reconnect with no past baggage which helps in focusing on each other in the present day. That helps in making good solid commitments to one another but of course, there has to be a lot of communication in this process. Do take the help of a professional if this feels too much to go through by yourselves.
And as for the colleague; hmmmm grass on the other side will always seem greener!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Asked by Anonymous - May 17, 2024Hindi
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Mam i love a boy.. Who is 2 yr younger then me and... Now he is preparing for jE.. Post and... My parents worry about my marriage... I told him about this.... He is craying... So much... He love s me very much.... He don't tell about this relationship.....to his parents.. Because he dont have any.... Job..... What should i do mam.... Plz.... Tell me... Mamm plzzz
Ans: First, have an honest conversation with him about what both of you realistically can and cannot do right now. Since he is still working on his future and you feel pressure from your family, try to think about how much time he might need to reach a stable point. Then, consider whether waiting for him is something that is possible for you and acceptable to your family.

It might also be helpful to have a calm conversation with your parents, expressing your feelings for him while being open about the current situation. Sometimes parents worry because they don’t know the full picture. Explaining that he is working hard toward his career goals may give them a better understanding. You could also ask them if they’d be willing to wait for some time before making any decisions on your marriage, if they feel comfortable with that.

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Hello, There is a woman in my office working in my department. She is my friend's wife and was referred by me for this job. We get to work closely often, but we both make opportunities to get to work together. Most of our time spent is on work related items, with few minutes of casual chats, and we both have spent a lot of time alone in office, working extra hours and all. I have a feeling that I am starting to yearn to spend time with her on work and she also tries to be around me. We both text outside of office hours, share a lot of "inside" jokes and we both look to be enjoying the time together. I am in a confused state because it looks like she is giving me a lot of signs to move forward to next levels, but I am pulling back and not advancing. We both are married and have families. Any advice?
Ans: To manage this, start by gently reinforcing professional boundaries. While it may feel awkward initially, limiting the personal, non-work-related conversations and texts can create some emotional distance. This will not only help reduce feelings of attachment but also prevent misunderstandings or assumptions from developing on either side. At the same time, it may be beneficial to reflect on your own life and current relationships. Often, feelings that arise outside our primary relationship can signal needs or emotions that might require attention within our existing commitments.

Redirecting your focus back to your own relationship with your spouse and engaging in activities that strengthen that bond can bring a renewed appreciation for the life you have built. Rekindling affection, open communication, and connection with your spouse could help provide a sense of fulfillment that might reduce the attraction you’re feeling toward your colleague.

It may also help to remind yourself of the potential risks involved, not only to your family life but also to your professional reputation and friendships. By focusing on maintaining a respectful, professional, and appropriate connection, you’re honoring both your commitments and protecting the integrity of all relationships involved. Choosing not to act on these feelings will ultimately support the stability of your personal life and career, allowing you to maintain a healthy and professional environment at work.

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Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 09, 2024Hindi
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Hi I brought up from a middle class family now I'm married and having 3 yrs kid, my younger brother recently got married! Ever since his marg there was a problem going on between my mom, brother and her wife , all the 3 of them bringing their problems to me and husband it creates a huge impact on my mental health due to their problems, if I try to resolve nobody is listening, I'm staying nearby my parents which is a big disadvantage, directly it's affecting me and my family? I don't know how to overcome from this type of issue
Ans: A compassionate but firm boundary can make a difference here. For instance, you could gently explain to your mother, brother, and his wife that while you understand and empathize with their challenges, you’re finding it difficult to handle all the tension that arises from these discussions. You might let them know that, for the sake of your own mental health and family well-being, you need to step back from being involved in any discussions about their conflicts.

If they do come to you with their concerns, try gently redirecting them, perhaps by suggesting that they talk directly to each other or even consider family counseling if they’re open to it. Remind them that only they can solve these issues by communicating directly, rather than relying on you as a mediator. Over time, they may begin to understand that their repeated involvement of you is not a productive solution.

Creating some physical and emotional space is key. If living nearby is heightening the tension, consider adjusting how often you interact in person. Focusing more on your own family’s peace, stability, and happiness will also help. It may feel challenging at first, but taking steps to protect your boundaries will benefit everyone, and gradually, they may even recognize the need to work out these issues themselves without depending on you.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi ma’am, I am a 27 year old girl. My father is a very strict person. Since childhood I have tolerated many things like I was not allowed to make friends(not even girls, forgot about boys). When I was 12 years old I was told that I was not allowed to talk to boys, and if my father ever saw me doing so, he will kill me. So, I was not allowed to talk to any friend, forget about going out and other stuff. All I used to do is sit in my room and study,I was not allowed to go out to play, wasn’t allowed to watch tv, not even allowed to go and play with cousins. Even if there was a wedding in my family, i was not allowed to go out and enjoy. And this has continued till date. I am still not allowed to go out without my father’s permission. Although I live in Bengaluru and work in a big company with a high paying job. Even the salary I get is not mine. Because my father takes it from me and I can’t say no to him. I use to say to me that if I ever did anything which he thinks is wrong, he will kill me, or will not allow me to go to college and now he will not allow me to work. And now he want me to get married to someone of his choice because of caste system. But I have a boyfriend and I want to marry my him. But I can’t even tell this to my father, because once I tell him this, he will not allow me to leave the house ever again and he would get me married to next person he finds. I am very scared of him. I don’t want to get married to anyone but my boyfriend. What should I do? Should I run away and get married to my boyfriend. I don’t know what my father will do then. He is a very controlling person .
Ans: To start, consider small steps that allow you to establish a greater sense of independence. Setting aside a portion of your income in an account only you can access, even if done quietly, can help you prepare financially for the future you envision with your boyfriend. Gaining control over your finances can also give you a greater sense of autonomy, which is key for your emotional and practical well-being.

Considering your father’s intense reaction to any choices that don’t align with his, safety is a priority. Consulting with a therapist or a counselor could help you process the emotional impact of your experiences and, importantly, develop strategies for how to approach this situation. Speaking to a counselor may also help you find a safe way to discuss your relationship with your father and express your own wishes while understanding any resources that might be available to you if needed.

If, ultimately, you decide to move forward with your relationship and marriage independently of your father’s permission, preparing yourself for potential emotional fallout is essential. While it’s natural to hope for family acceptance, remember that creating your own happiness is equally important. Over time, if your father can see that you’re stable, happy, and independent, he may eventually respect your decision.

Taking steps toward your own life may feel overwhelming, but with support and gradual changes, you can find a path that balances your love for your family with your need for self-respect, autonomy, and a future that you choose.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam, I am in a 14 year old relationship with a man, the relationship is quite healthy until now, but our families are not accepting for marriage. Since his parents are divorced and her elder sister to. Everyone in my family is against this marriage and not one person is supporting it, but we truly love each other. Even the boy does, and he is doing everything he can for a mutual acceptance. There is no divorce history in my family till date. So sometimes, even I get sceptical about taking this relationship forward as I understand the seriousness of marriage, but I also understand that there is attachment, love, commitment, duration, everything involved in this 14 year old relationship which will make it very hard to accept someone else in place of him, so basically, I want to marry the guy, but not his family I know that’s not possible, but then what should I do? Should I just take the step forward with total faith in the man, or should I marry somewhere else where everything is great, only love will be unsure. The man has connections with both his parents and there is no custody involved. In this case. He is in a good relationship with both the parents, although he lives with his mother and sister.
Ans: Fourteen years is a profound commitment, and the fact that both of you have nurtured such a bond reflects a solid foundation that’s not easy to find or replicate. The conflict seems to lie mainly in your family’s fears and cultural values around marriage and their concern about potential patterns in relationships. This is an understandable reaction from them, given the uniqueness of his family background compared to what they’ve experienced.

It’s natural for you to feel torn, especially since you value your family’s approval and understand the complexities that can arise in marriage. While family acceptance can provide a comforting support system, there are instances when it doesn’t fully align with one’s own heart. Marrying him would mean choosing to rely primarily on each other, despite family reservations, which could require extra resilience and patience as you move forward together. Since he has strong relationships with both parents, it may be reassuring that he has a healthy view of family, despite their past. This could suggest that he has personal maturity and the ability to build a stable, loving relationship with you.

At the same time, your family’s perspective doesn’t necessarily mean there’s any curse or pattern that would carry over into your marriage. The key to deciding might be to look at the qualities he brings to the relationship, how both of you handle challenges, and whether he brings stability, honesty, and emotional support. The longevity and health of your relationship are positive indicators, and if both of you have open communication about potential concerns—like how family dynamics might play a role in the future—you’ll likely be prepared to face those hurdles together.

You’re faced with a decision that balances taking a leap of faith with the potential for some family disappointment. If he is the partner with whom you see a fulfilling life, the choice to marry might ultimately come down to what feels right to you, independent of family fears. Love, trust, and understanding—especially those that withstand the test of time—are incredibly powerful foundations. So, if you believe in the strength of your bond and feel you could weather any storm together, choosing him could be a step toward building the kind of family you truly want, even if it’s unconventional by your family’s standards.

But if you’re still unsure, taking time to express all these feelings to him, to explore your shared values and long-term goals, and to be absolutely sure of the life you want to build can help reinforce whichever path feels right for you.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2024
Relationship
Maam In last question of mine you told me that im taking meaning out of a friendly casual conversation. I may be doing so but I tried to ignore that guy but he is still staring at me and roaming around my house. What does that mean.???? Im not seeking attention from him. He himself is giving intense looks and appearing from no where. Our kids are in same school so I cant avoid seeing him. Its just not possible but i try not to give him.attention but he coming in front of me for no reason. Giving me suggestions about my child when I have not even asked him.anything.
Ans: One possibility here could be that he genuinely believes he’s being friendly and is unaware that his actions might be coming across as intrusive. Some people aren’t as skilled at reading subtle social cues or may interpret polite responses as openness to further interaction. Another scenario could be that he’s misinterpreting a simple acquaintanceship as an invitation for more personal connection, especially if he hasn’t recognized your signals for wanting distance.

It’s also possible, especially if he’s trying to advise you about your child, that he’s viewing himself as helpful or knowledgeable—again, likely without realizing he’s crossing a line. If he’s repeatedly making intense eye contact or appearing at odd times, it may also reflect a need for attention or connection on his part, even if it’s unintentional.

If this behavior continues and your efforts to distance yourself subtly aren’t working, it might be time to consider setting a gentle but clear boundary. This can be done with nonverbal cues, like quickly redirecting your gaze or finding reasons to leave a situation as soon as he tries to initiate a conversation. However, if his presence continues to bother you, there’s no harm in being more direct. A polite but firm approach, like thanking him for his advice and mentioning that you’d prefer to handle things yourself, can send a message that you’re not looking for further involvement.

Your well-being and comfort come first, and your instincts are valid. If his behavior is persistent and truly uncomfortable, it may be best to acknowledge it internally and remind yourself that you’re under no obligation to respond or interact beyond what feels right for you.

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