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Sanjeev

Sanjeev Govila  | Answer  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Feb 11, 2024

Colonel Sanjeev Govila (retd) is the founder of Hum Fauji Initiatives, a financial planning company dedicated to the armed forces personnel and their families.
He has over 12 years of experience in financial planning and is a SEBI certified registered investment advisor; he is also accredited with AMFI and IRDA.... more
Arun Question by Arun on Dec 02, 2023Hindi
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Hello sir , I am a 32 yr old with 50 k per month salary. How can I get 6 lakhs per month when I am 60 yrs.

Ans: To be able to get Rs 6 Lakhs per month implies 72 Lakhs a year. Assuming a withdrawal rate of 5% from the corpus that you need to build up to get that return, you need a corpus of about 14 Crores.
To build up that kind of a corpus, you need to invest approx. Rs 53K pm from now onwards per month in an instrument like equity which gets you about 12% annualised returns.
Obviously you cannot spare that much right now. So start with whatever you can now and aim to increase the monthly amount regularly, at least once a year as time passes.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 10, 2024Hindi
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Hello sir , I am a 32 yr old with 50 k per month salary. How can I get 6 lakhs per month when I am 60 yrs.
Ans: Planning for a 6 Lakhs Monthly Income at 60
Planning for a comfortable retirement is crucial, and your aspiration of achieving a 6 Lakhs monthly income at 60 is commendable. Let's explore strategies to help you achieve this goal.

Understanding Retirement Income Needs
Before devising a plan, it's essential to understand your retirement income requirements:

Inflation: Account for inflation to ensure your future income maintains its purchasing power.

Lifestyle: Consider your desired lifestyle in retirement, including expenses for healthcare, travel, and leisure activities.

Longevity: Plan for a longer life expectancy to ensure sufficient income for potentially extended retirement years.

Assessing Current Financial Situation
Evaluate your current financial standing to determine the gap between your existing resources and retirement income goal:

Income: Assess your current salary, savings, and other income sources to gauge your ability to save for retirement.

Expenses: Track your expenses to identify areas for potential savings and determine your current savings rate.

Retirement Planning Strategies
To achieve your retirement income target, consider the following strategies:

Start Early: Begin saving and investing for retirement as early as possible to benefit from the power of compounding.

Investment Diversification: Allocate your savings across various asset classes, including equities, bonds, and alternative investments, to manage risk and optimize returns.

Regular Review: Periodically review and adjust your retirement plan based on changing life circumstances, market conditions, and investment performance.

Benefits of Active Management
Actively managed funds offer several advantages for long-term investors:

Expertise: Experienced fund managers actively manage the portfolio, aiming to outperform the market and generate superior returns.

Flexibility: Active management allows for adjustments in investment strategies based on market trends and economic conditions, optimizing returns.

Risk Management: Skilled fund managers employ risk management techniques to mitigate downside risk and protect investors' capital.

Drawbacks of Direct Funds
Direct funds have some limitations compared to regular funds investing through a Certified Financial Planner:

Lack of Guidance: Direct funds require investors to make investment decisions independently without professional guidance, potentially leading to suboptimal investment choices.

Limited Expertise: Investors may lack the expertise and resources to analyze and select suitable investment options, increasing the risk of underperformance.

Behavioral Biases: Without professional guidance, investors may succumb to behavioral biases such as overtrading or market timing, negatively impacting investment returns.

Conclusion
Achieving a 6 Lakhs monthly income at 60 requires careful planning, disciplined saving, and strategic investment. By starting early, diversifying investments, and leveraging the expertise of a Certified Financial Planner, you can work towards realizing your retirement income goal.

Remember to regularly review your retirement plan, adjust your savings and investment strategy as needed, and stay committed to your long-term financial objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 22, 2024

Money
My age is 32, my current salary is 58000/month,how I get 1.25 cr at the age of 55?
Ans: It's great that you're thinking ahead and planning for your financial future. Let's work together to achieve your goal of Rs 1.25 crore by the age of 55. At 32, you've got a good amount of time to build a solid investment strategy. I'll walk you through various steps and strategies that can help you reach your target.

Understanding Your Current Financial Position
Firstly, kudos on taking the initiative to plan your future. Your current salary is Rs 58,000 per month. This is a good base to start building a substantial corpus. The key is disciplined savings and strategic investments.

Setting Clear Financial Goals
Your target is to accumulate Rs 1.25 crore in 23 years. This goal is achievable with a consistent and well-thought-out investment plan. We'll focus on maximizing your savings and investing wisely to ensure your money grows efficiently.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Starting with SIPs is a great way to grow your wealth over time. SIPs in mutual funds help you benefit from rupee cost averaging and the power of compounding. You can start with an amount you're comfortable with and increase it gradually as your income grows.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds have professional fund managers making investment decisions to outperform the market. They can potentially offer higher returns compared to passive funds. Avoid index funds as they merely replicate the market and might not yield the higher returns you aim for.

Importance of Regular Investments
Consistent investments are crucial. Even during market downturns, continue your SIPs. This ensures you buy more units at lower prices, which can boost returns when the market recovers.

Diversifying Your Investment Portfolio
Equity Investments
Equities are known for their potential to generate high returns over the long term. Investing in diversified equity mutual funds or blue-chip stocks can provide good growth. Ensure you have a balanced mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds to spread risk.

Debt Instruments
Debt instruments like bonds and fixed deposits offer stability. They provide regular interest income and lower risk compared to equities. A portion of your portfolio should be in debt instruments to balance your risk.

Gold Investments
Gold can be a good hedge against inflation and economic instability. Investing a small portion in gold ETFs or sovereign gold bonds adds diversity to your portfolio and can provide a safety net.

Tax Efficiency
Tax-Saving Instruments
Utilize tax-saving instruments under Section 80C, like Public Provident Fund (PPF), Employee Provident Fund (EPF), and Equity-Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS). These not only reduce your tax liability but also help in building your retirement corpus.

Regular Fund Investments
Investing through a certified financial planner ensures you get professional advice and optimize your portfolio. Regular funds, despite higher expense ratios than direct funds, come with expert guidance, which can be invaluable.

Creating an Emergency Fund
Importance of an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial to cover unexpected expenses without disrupting your investment plan. Aim to save at least 6-12 months' worth of expenses in a liquid, easily accessible account.

Building the Fund
Start by setting aside a portion of your salary every month until you reach your target. This fund should be kept separate from your long-term investments to ensure liquidity during emergencies.

Insurance and Risk Management
Adequate Life Insurance
Ensure you have adequate life insurance coverage. This protects your family financially in case of any unforeseen events. Term insurance is a good option as it provides high coverage at a low premium.

Health Insurance
A good health insurance plan is essential to cover medical emergencies. This prevents out-of-pocket expenses that can disrupt your savings and investments.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Periodic Portfolio Review
Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals and risk tolerance. Markets change, and so should your investment strategy. A certified financial planner can help with these periodic reviews.

Rebalancing Your Portfolio
Rebalancing involves adjusting your investments to maintain your desired asset allocation. For example, if equities have grown significantly, they might form a larger portion of your portfolio than intended. Sell some equities and reinvest in underperforming assets to balance the risk.

Maximizing Your Savings
Budgeting and Expense Management
Track your expenses to identify areas where you can save more. Create a budget and stick to it. This ensures you have more funds available for investments.

Increasing Savings Rate
As your salary increases, aim to increase your savings rate. Even a small increase in your monthly savings can significantly impact your final corpus due to the power of compounding.

Leveraging Employer Benefits
Provident Fund Contributions
Ensure you maximize your contributions to the Employee Provident Fund (EPF). This is a safe and tax-efficient way to build your retirement corpus.

Voluntary Provident Fund (VPF)
Consider contributing to the Voluntary Provident Fund (VPF) if you can save more. VPF offers the same benefits as EPF, with guaranteed returns and tax benefits.

Long-Term Investment Strategies
Compounding Power
The power of compounding cannot be overstated. The earlier you start investing, the more your money grows over time. Regular investments and reinvesting returns accelerate growth.

Staying Invested
Market fluctuations are normal. Stay invested for the long term to ride out volatility. Equity markets tend to deliver good returns over extended periods.

Avoiding Emotional Decisions
Investment decisions should be based on logic, not emotions. Avoid making impulsive decisions based on market movements. A certified financial planner can provide an objective perspective.

Retirement Planning
Projecting Future Expenses
Estimate your future expenses considering inflation. This helps in setting realistic retirement goals. A certified financial planner can assist in creating a detailed retirement plan.

Retirement Corpus Calculation
Calculate the corpus needed to sustain your desired lifestyle post-retirement. This helps in determining the monthly investment required to reach your goal.

Withdrawal Strategy
Plan a withdrawal strategy for your retirement corpus. Consider factors like life expectancy, inflation, and market conditions. A well-thought-out strategy ensures your corpus lasts throughout your retirement.

Final Insights
Achieving Rs 1.25 crore by age 55 is definitely possible with disciplined savings and strategic investments. Start with SIPs in actively managed funds, diversify your portfolio, and regularly review your investments. Maintain an emergency fund, ensure adequate insurance, and leverage employer benefits. Stay committed to your goals and avoid emotional decisions. With the right planning and consistent efforts, you'll reach your target and secure a comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Money
I am 49+ I have 13 lacs MF, 65 lacs FD, MIS 9 LACS , FLAT Worth 80 Lacs, Gold worth 60 lacs, ppf worth 7 lacs , pf worth 28 Lacs , shares worth 7.5 lacs, insurance worth 30 lacs. , nps worth 3 lacs. Need monthly income of 50000 pm by 60. Pls advise way forward after retirement of 60.
Ans: You have a diversified range of investments, which is commendable. Let's break down your current holdings to get a clearer picture:

Mutual Funds: Rs 13 lakhs

Fixed Deposits: Rs 65 lakhs

Monthly Income Scheme: Rs 9 lakhs

Flat Worth: Rs 80 lakhs

Gold: Rs 60 lakhs

Public Provident Fund: Rs 7 lakhs

Provident Fund: Rs 28 lakhs

Shares: Rs 7.5 lakhs

Insurance: Rs 30 lakhs

National Pension System: Rs 3 lakhs

You need a monthly income of Rs 50,000 after you retire at 60. Let's explore how to achieve this goal.

Evaluating Your Current Investments
Mutual Funds:

Mutual funds are a great way to grow wealth over time. They provide diversification and professional management. However, consider switching from direct funds to regular funds. Regular funds offer better service and guidance through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP).

Fixed Deposits:

Fixed deposits are safe but offer lower returns. As you near retirement, safety becomes important. However, you need to balance safety with growth. Too much in fixed deposits can erode your purchasing power due to inflation.

Monthly Income Scheme (MIS):

The Monthly Income Scheme offers regular income but limited growth. It’s a safe option but does not keep pace with inflation.

Flat Worth:

Your flat is a significant asset. While it provides value, it's not a liquid asset. It can be considered for future use, like selling or renting, to generate income post-retirement.

Gold:

Gold is a good hedge against inflation. It's a safe investment, but it doesn't provide regular income. Consider holding gold as part of your diversified portfolio.

Public Provident Fund (PPF):

PPF is a safe, long-term investment. It provides tax benefits and steady returns. Continue contributing to it as it forms a stable part of your retirement corpus.

Provident Fund (PF):

Provident Fund is a reliable retirement savings tool. It provides steady growth and is a safe investment. Ensure you keep track of your contributions and interest earned.

Shares:

Shares offer growth potential but come with higher risk. Keep a portion of your portfolio in shares for growth. However, as you approach retirement, gradually reduce exposure to high-risk stocks.

Insurance:

You have insurance worth Rs 30 lakhs. Ensure you have adequate coverage for health and life insurance. Reassess your insurance needs periodically.

National Pension System (NPS):

NPS is a good retirement savings option. It offers tax benefits and steady returns. Continue contributing to NPS for long-term growth.

Building a Retirement Strategy
Estimate Your Retirement Corpus:

You need a clear estimate of your retirement corpus. Given your requirement of Rs 50,000 per month, calculate your annual need and factor in inflation. This will give you a target corpus to aim for.

Asset Allocation:

Diversify your investments across different asset classes. A balanced mix of equity, debt, and alternative investments can provide growth and stability.

Equity:

Allocate a portion to equity for growth. Consider actively managed mutual funds for better returns. Actively managed funds can outperform index funds due to professional management and market insights.

Debt:

Debt investments provide stability. Use fixed deposits, PPF, and debt mutual funds. They offer regular income and lower risk.

Gold:

Keep gold as a part of your portfolio. It’s a good hedge against inflation and economic uncertainty.

Income Generation:

Post-retirement, you need to generate a steady income. Here are some options:

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP):

Use SWP from your mutual funds to get regular income. It allows you to withdraw a fixed amount periodically.

Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS):

SCSS is a government-backed scheme offering regular income. It’s a safe option for retirees.

Monthly Income Plans (MIPs):

MIPs offer regular income with moderate risk. They invest in a mix of equity and debt.

Health Insurance:

Ensure you have adequate health insurance. Medical expenses can drain your savings quickly. Opt for a comprehensive family floater plan.

Emergency Fund:

Maintain an emergency fund. It should cover at least 6-12 months of expenses. Keep it in liquid assets for easy access.

Implementing the Strategy
Regular Reviews:

Review your portfolio regularly. Assess the performance of your investments and make adjustments as needed. A Certified Financial Planner can help you with this.

Rebalance Your Portfolio:

Rebalance your portfolio periodically. Ensure it aligns with your risk tolerance and retirement goals.

Reduce Debt:

If you have any outstanding loans, aim to pay them off before retirement. Reducing debt lowers your financial burden.

Tax Planning:

Plan your taxes efficiently. Use tax-saving instruments like PPF, NPS, and tax-saving mutual funds. They provide tax benefits and help grow your corpus.

Exploring Alternatives to Direct Funds
Disadvantages of Direct Funds:

Direct funds might seem attractive due to lower expense ratios. However, they lack the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner. This can lead to uninformed decisions and potential losses.

Benefits of Regular Funds:

Regular funds offer professional advice and service. Certified Financial Planners provide tailored investment strategies. They help you navigate market complexities and make informed decisions.

Avoiding Index Funds
Disadvantages of Index Funds:

Index funds replicate the market index. They offer average returns and lack flexibility. In volatile markets, they may not perform well.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds:

Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market. They offer higher returns through expert management. Fund managers can adjust portfolios based on market conditions, offering better performance.

Final Insights
Planning for retirement requires a balanced approach. You need to ensure growth, stability, and regular income. Your current portfolio is diverse and well-structured.

Here are some key steps to move forward:

Diversify Investments:

Maintain a balanced mix of equity, debt, and alternative investments.

Generate Regular Income:

Use SWP, SCSS, and MIPs for steady income post-retirement.

Ensure Health Coverage:

Have comprehensive health insurance for unexpected medical expenses.

Maintain an Emergency Fund:

Keep liquid assets to cover 6-12 months of expenses.

Plan for Taxes:

Use tax-saving instruments to grow your corpus and reduce tax liability.

Seek Professional Guidance:

Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice and regular portfolio reviews.

By following these steps, you can achieve your goal of a comfortable retirement with a monthly income of Rs 50,000.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 24, 2024

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Sir i am 47 now married and 2 children one is 7 years daughter and 13 years son. I have 25 lakhs as corpus and my monthly salary is around 1.5 lakhs. I need at least 2 cr as corpus at 55. How can make this happen. Please.
Ans: You are 47, married, with two children, aged 7 and 13.

You have a corpus of Rs 25 lakhs.

Your monthly salary is around Rs 1.5 lakhs.

You aim to accumulate Rs 2 crores by age 55.

Setting Clear Financial Goals

Identify specific goals for each financial milestone.

Prioritize your children's education and your retirement.

Allocate funds accordingly to ensure balanced growth.

Investment Strategy

Invest regularly in a diversified portfolio.

Focus on equity mutual funds for higher returns.

Allocate some funds to debt mutual funds for stability.

Consider investing in gold for diversification.

Keep a small portion in fixed deposits for safety.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)

Start or increase your SIP contributions.

SIPs offer disciplined investing and rupee cost averaging.

Allocate a higher percentage to equity funds for growth.

Choose actively managed funds over index funds for better returns.

Review and Adjust Portfolio Regularly

Review your investments every six months.

Adjust your portfolio based on market conditions.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for professional advice.

Stay informed about market trends and economic changes.

Emergency Fund and Insurance

Maintain an emergency fund equal to 6 months of expenses.

Ensure you have adequate health and life insurance coverage.

Avoid investment-linked insurance policies.

Focus on pure term insurance for life coverage.

Tax Planning

Invest in tax-saving instruments under Section 80C.

Utilize other sections like 80D for health insurance benefits.

Plan your taxes to maximize returns and minimize liabilities.

Avoid Common Investment Mistakes

Do not chase high returns without understanding the risk.

Avoid frequent buying and selling of investments.

Stick to your investment plan and be patient.

Education and Retirement Planning

Plan for your children's higher education.

Consider education loans to avoid depleting your corpus.

Ensure your retirement corpus is inflation-adjusted.

Review your retirement plan annually.

Benefits of Regular Funds through a CFP

Regular funds offer better advisory support.

Certified Financial Planners provide tailored advice.

Actively managed funds often outperform index funds.

Contingency Planning

Have a plan for unforeseen circumstances.

Ensure your family is financially secure in case of emergencies.

Consider estate planning and writing a will.

Final Insights

Stay disciplined and focused on your goals.

Review and adjust your investments regularly.

Seek professional advice when needed.

Stay informed and educated about financial planning.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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