Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 13, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money

Hi. I'm 30years old with monthly salary of 60k. Having said, I have savings of 5L in hand and not had any investment so far in mutual fund. Having 2 child to take care with their education after 20 years. Need of advice on where to start in mutual fund. My risk appetite is moderate to high but don't know which fund to choose for long term investment. As well as I need of assured corpus of Rs.1 crore after 12 years to support my investment horizon along with my salary for rest of 8 years as I don't think my salary alone will be suffice to meet the investment journey. Also after 12 years need of an advice on how to get monthly income out of some portion of 1crore to manage family with it and save all my salary to mutual fund. I also want to know what will be the average return I will be getting based on your suggestion with all plannings as I said above after 20years

Ans: Your commitment to securing your family's future and achieving financial stability is commendable. Let's outline a strategic mutual fund investment plan tailored to your goals, risk appetite, and investment horizon.

Assessing Your Financial Goals and Risk Profile
At 30, with a moderate to high risk appetite, you're well-positioned to embark on a long-term investment journey. Your primary objectives include building a substantial corpus for your children's education in 20 years and securing a corpus of ?1 crore in 12 years for additional financial support.

Structuring Your Mutual Fund Portfolio
Given your investment horizon and risk tolerance, a diversified portfolio of equity and debt mutual funds is recommended. Equity funds offer growth potential, while debt funds provide stability and income generation. Here's a suggested allocation:

Equity Funds: Allocate a significant portion of your investment, considering your moderate to high-risk appetite. Choose a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds for diversification and potential returns.

Debt Funds: Allocate a portion of your portfolio to debt funds to mitigate risk and generate stable returns. Opt for a combination of short-term, medium-term, and long-term debt funds based on your risk preference.

Planning for Future Income Streams
After 12 years, when you aim to secure a corpus of ?1 crore, consider investing a portion of this amount in a combination of dividend-paying mutual funds and systematic withdrawal plans (SWPs). This strategy will provide you with a regular monthly income stream while preserving the principal amount for long-term growth.

Estimating Average Returns
While it's challenging to predict exact returns, a well-diversified mutual fund portfolio targeting a moderate to high-risk profile can potentially generate average returns ranging from 10% to 12% annually over the long term. However, returns may vary depending on market conditions and fund performance.

Emphasizing Discipline and Review
Consistency and discipline are key to achieving your financial goals. Review your portfolio regularly, monitor fund performance, and make adjustments as needed to stay aligned with your objectives. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to fine-tune your strategy and navigate market fluctuations effectively.

Conclusion
In conclusion, a strategic mutual fund investment plan tailored to your financial goals, risk profile, and investment horizon can pave the way for long-term wealth creation and financial security. By diversifying your portfolio, planning for future income streams, and maintaining discipline, you can work towards achieving your objectives and securing your family's future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hi Sir . I am a 34-year-old man with a monthly income of 1.4 Lakh. I have a 1-year-old son. I haven't invested in mutual fund investments before and seek your guidance on how much to invest and in which mutual funds. My financial goals are as follows: Accumulate atleast 6 crores before retirement (in the next 20 years). Save atleast 1 crore for my son's higher education in the next 15 years. Set aside atleast 50 lakhs for my son's marriage in the next 20-25 years. My current investments include: PPF - 1.5 Lakhs per annum for the last 5 years. NPS - 50000 per annum for the last 3 year. ULIP - 1.2 Lakh per annum for last 1 year One SBI scheme - 1.2 Lakhs per annum for last 3 years My wife is also working with monthly income of 1.4 Lakhs. I would greatly appreciate your advice on how to structure my mutual fund investments to achieve these goals. Thank You.
Ans: Given your financial goals and current investments, here's a suggested approach to structure your mutual fund investments:

Retirement Corpus (6 Crores in 20 years):
Start SIPs in diversified equity mutual funds with a focus on long-term growth. Allocate a significant portion of your investments towards equity funds to harness their wealth-building potential over the long term. Consider a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds to diversify across market segments and manage risk effectively. Review and increase your SIP amounts periodically, considering your income growth and inflation.
Son's Higher Education (1 Crore in 15 years):
Allocate a portion of your mutual fund investments specifically towards your son's education goal. Since the timeframe is relatively shorter, consider a balanced approach with a mix of equity and debt funds to balance growth potential with capital preservation. Gradually shift towards debt-oriented funds as the goal approaches to safeguard against market volatility and ensure capital protection.
Son's Marriage (50 Lakhs in 20-25 years):
Similar to the education goal, allocate a portion of your investments towards your son's marriage goal. Since the timeframe is longer, you can afford a more aggressive approach with a higher allocation towards equity funds. As the goal approaches, gradually shift towards more conservative investments to protect the accumulated corpus.
Review and Rebalance:
Regularly review your mutual fund investments and rebalance your portfolio as needed to ensure alignment with your financial goals and risk tolerance. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to periodically reassess your goals, investment strategy, and progress towards achieving them.
Remember, investing is a long-term commitment, and staying disciplined, diversified, and focused on your goals is key to achieving financial success.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi sir myself Asif 27 years age my salary is 50k monthly in my salary I used to give 20k to my father every month my expenses is around 6k till now my savings is around 1.50lack in savings account and around 1 lakh I have invested in stocks which is now 1lakh 20k I have not invested in mutual funds till now not started suggest me some good mutual funds for a long term of 10years sir and how much should I invest and in which mutal funds and give me a plan of investing for 10years from here thank you sir
Ans: Asif, at 27 years old, you are in a very promising financial situation. With a salary of Rs 50,000 per month and disciplined financial habits, you’re already making important steps towards building wealth.

You’re supporting your father by contributing Rs 20,000 per month, maintaining low personal expenses at Rs 6,000, and you’ve accumulated Rs 1.50 lakh in savings. Additionally, your stock investment of Rs 1 lakh has grown to Rs 1.20 lakh, showing that you are willing to take calculated risks. However, you’ve mentioned that you haven’t yet explored mutual funds. Given your long-term goal of investing for 10 years, we’ll focus on how mutual funds can help you build a strong portfolio while maintaining a balanced risk approach.

Let’s explore a detailed 10-year investment strategy through mutual funds that will not only help you achieve your financial goals but also protect you from market volatility.

Understanding the Importance of Diversification
Before diving into mutual fund recommendations, let’s talk about why diversification is important.

Diversification simply means spreading your investments across different assets or sectors. In your case, it would involve spreading your investments across large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and multi-cap/flexi-cap mutual funds. This approach reduces risk while maximising returns by tapping into multiple sectors of the market.

Currently, you have Rs 1.20 lakh in stock market investments. While direct stocks can provide good returns, they can be volatile, and managing them requires time and expertise. Mutual funds, managed by experienced fund managers, allow you to invest in a basket of stocks, reducing risk and saving you from the hassle of individual stock selection.

Savings and Investment Potential
Now, let’s look at your savings potential.

Monthly Salary: Rs 50,000
Monthly Contribution to Father: Rs 20,000
Monthly Expenses: Rs 6,000
After accounting for these commitments, you’re left with around Rs 24,000 per month in disposable income. Ideally, a portion of this should go into savings and investments. Based on your current situation, I recommend investing Rs 15,000 per month into mutual funds.

This allocation will allow you to maintain some liquidity while aggressively building a solid investment portfolio for the future.

Ideal Investment Strategy for the Next 10 Years
The key to building wealth is consistent investing over time, with a focus on growth while managing risk. Since you are young and have a 10-year horizon, you can afford to take a balanced approach—investing in funds that offer high growth potential but also ensure some stability.

Step 1: Set a Monthly SIP Target
Given that you have Rs 24,000 left after expenses, I suggest starting with Rs 15,000 in monthly SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans). This will leave you with Rs 9,000 for other short-term savings or emergencies.

Step 2: Diversify Across Mutual Funds
Here’s a suggested allocation for your Rs 15,000 monthly SIP. These allocations are designed to balance growth with risk.

Large-Cap Mutual Fund: Rs 5,000 per month Large-cap funds invest in well-established companies with a proven track record. These companies tend to be more stable and less volatile, making them ideal for long-term investors who want to mitigate risk while still earning returns.

Mid-Cap Mutual Fund: Rs 4,000 per month Mid-cap funds invest in companies that are smaller than large-caps but still have significant growth potential. These companies have the potential to grow faster, though they are slightly riskier than large-cap stocks.

Small-Cap Mutual Fund: Rs 3,000 per month Small-cap funds target smaller companies with high growth potential. While these funds can be volatile, they also have the potential for significant gains over the long term. Since you have a 10-year horizon, you can afford to take on some risk with small-caps.

Multi-Cap/Flexi-Cap Fund: Rs 3,000 per month Multi-cap or flexi-cap funds invest across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap companies, providing diversification within a single fund. This category of funds adjusts to market conditions and balances growth with risk, making it an excellent choice for long-term wealth creation.

Step 3: Review and Adjust
Review your portfolio every 6 months: The financial market is dynamic, and mutual fund performance can vary. Reviewing your portfolio periodically ensures that your investments are aligned with your goals.

Increase SIP contributions yearly: As your income increases, you should aim to increase your SIP contributions by 10-15% each year. For example, if you are investing Rs 15,000 per month in Year 1, aim to increase it to Rs 16,500 in Year 2. This will significantly boost your corpus over time.

Why Avoid Index Funds
While index funds are often seen as low-cost investment options, they might not be the best fit for you in this situation. Index funds track the performance of market indices like the Nifty 50 or Sensex. The downside is that these funds cannot outperform the market—they simply follow it.

Actively managed funds, on the other hand, are managed by fund managers who make strategic decisions to beat the market and protect against downturns. Over the long term, actively managed funds have the potential to offer better returns compared to index funds. Hence, for a young investor like you with a 10-year horizon, actively managed funds are a better choice.

Long-Term Wealth Creation Through SIPs
SIPs are a powerful tool for long-term wealth creation. By investing regularly, you benefit from rupee cost averaging, which helps you buy more units when prices are low and fewer units when prices are high. Over time, this evens out the cost and increases your returns.

SIPs also benefit from compounding. The returns generated by your investment are reinvested, leading to exponential growth over time. Given your 10-year horizon, compounding can significantly enhance your wealth.

Additional Considerations for Financial Growth
1. Emergency Fund
Before diving fully into long-term investments, it’s crucial to set aside an emergency fund. This fund should cover at least 6 months’ worth of expenses. Based on your current monthly expenses (Rs 6,000), plus Rs 20,000 for your father, you should aim to save around Rs 1.5 lakh in a separate liquid fund or savings account.

This emergency fund will act as a financial cushion in case of unforeseen circumstances such as medical emergencies or temporary loss of income. With this safety net, you can invest confidently without worrying about liquidity.

2. Tax-Saving Instruments
Consider investing in tax-saving mutual funds like Equity Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS). ELSS funds allow you to claim deductions under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act, up to Rs 1.5 lakh per year. These funds come with a lock-in period of three years but offer both tax benefits and long-term capital appreciation.

3. Avoid Direct Mutual Funds
Direct mutual funds seem attractive because of their lower expense ratios. However, managing investments on your own can be challenging, especially when the market is volatile. A better approach is to go through regular plans by investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) or a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD). A professional can offer tailored advice, monitor your portfolio, and rebalance it periodically to ensure that it aligns with your goals.

4. Insurance Planning
At this stage, you haven’t mentioned any life or health insurance. It’s essential to get adequate term insurance and health insurance. Term insurance provides financial protection to your family in case of any unfortunate event. The policy coverage should be at least 10-15 times your annual income.

Health insurance is equally important. Given the rising cost of healthcare, a comprehensive health plan for yourself and your father is necessary. The premiums are relatively low at your age and will provide much-needed financial relief in case of medical emergencies.

Why Mutual Funds Work for Long-Term Goals
Professional Management:
Fund managers actively manage mutual funds, ensuring that your investments are strategically allocated to maximise returns.

Diversification:
Mutual funds spread your investment across a wide range of stocks and sectors, minimising the risk compared to direct stock investments.

Systematic Growth:
With SIPs, you can systematically invest small amounts every month, benefiting from rupee cost averaging and compounding.

Tax Efficiency:
Equity mutual funds held for more than a year enjoy favourable tax treatment, with long-term capital gains (LTCG) taxed at a lower rate.

Finally: A 360-Degree Approach to Wealth Building
Stick to your investment plan:
Consistency is key. Invest Rs 15,000 per month across diversified funds. Increase the amount by 10-15% each year.

Build an emergency fund:
Set aside Rs 1.5 lakh for emergencies. This will protect you from liquidity issues and provide peace of mind.

Review and rebalance:
Every 6 months, review your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your long-term goals.

Consider insurance:
Term insurance and health insurance are essential safeguards for both you and your family.

By following this 10-year plan, you will not only grow your wealth but also safeguard your financial future. Stick to disciplined investing, review regularly, and seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner to ensure that you are on track.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.holisticinvestment.in/
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
I am 50 years old, how much proportion should I allocate in Debt and Equity mutual funds. I am investing in mutual funds only. My 43 L portfolio has 37 L equity and 6 Lak debt.
Ans: Balancing your portfolio between equity and debt is critical at this stage. A 50-year-old investor should aim for a safer portfolio while ensuring reasonable growth. Since you’re already investing in mutual funds, fine-tuning your allocation can optimise returns and reduce risk.

Let’s assess your portfolio in detail and identify actionable steps for an optimal balance.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Your current allocation includes:

Rs 37 lakh in equity: Around 86% of your total portfolio.
Rs 6 lakh in debt: About 14% of your total portfolio.
This equity-heavy portfolio is suitable for younger investors. At 50, you may need to rebalance to reduce volatility while retaining growth.

Recommended Allocation Strategy
A general rule is the "100 minus age" approach. However, personal goals, risk tolerance, and financial stability should guide decisions. For a 50-year-old:

Equity: 50% to 60% of the portfolio. This ensures growth and combats inflation.
Debt: 40% to 50%. This ensures stability and predictable returns.
You can adjust within this range based on personal preferences and financial objectives.

Steps to Rebalance Your Portfolio
To align your portfolio, consider these steps:

Gradually reduce equity exposure: Shift some equity investments to debt. Do this systematically over months to avoid timing risks.
Increase debt mutual funds allocation: Consider short-duration or dynamic bond funds for liquidity and moderate returns.
Use hybrid mutual funds: Balanced advantage funds can offer a mix of equity and debt with automatic rebalancing.
Why a Balanced Allocation Is Crucial
Equity: This provides growth potential to counter inflation. It supports long-term financial goals like retirement planning.
Debt: This offers stability and acts as a buffer against market downturns. It ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses.
Avoid Over-Exposure to Equity
While equity delivers higher returns, excessive exposure can increase portfolio risk. A balanced allocation shields you during market corrections.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform the market due to professional expertise. They adjust portfolios based on market trends and opportunities.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

They lack active monitoring during volatile periods.
They mimic the index, limiting scope for higher returns.
Their fixed composition may underperform in certain market cycles.
For long-term growth, actively managed funds offer better risk-adjusted returns.

Benefits of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
Guidance: Regular funds come with expert advice from an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential.
Portfolio Monitoring: They help align your investments with changing market conditions.
Support: MFDs can guide in tax planning and rebalancing.
Direct funds, while cheaper, may lead to uninformed decisions and missed opportunities.

Tax Efficiency in Your Portfolio
Understanding new mutual fund taxation rules is essential:

Equity funds: LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt funds: Gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Consider tax implications before rebalancing to avoid unnecessary liabilities.

Maintaining Liquidity
At this stage, maintaining a portion of your portfolio in liquid funds is prudent. It helps meet short-term goals or emergencies without disturbing long-term investments.

Aligning with Retirement Goals
Your portfolio should focus on generating a steady post-retirement income. Here’s how:

Allocate more to debt as you approach retirement.
Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) for regular income during retirement.
Retain a small equity portion to combat inflation even post-retirement.
Creating a Contingency Fund
Set aside a separate fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. Use liquid or ultra-short-term debt funds for this.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Portfolio
Review your portfolio every 6 months.
Rebalance based on market conditions and life changes.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for adjustments aligned with your goals.
Avoid Common Investment Pitfalls
Chasing high returns: Avoid concentrating on high-risk funds at this stage.
Over-diversification: Stick to a manageable number of funds to track performance easily.
Ignoring inflation: Ensure your portfolio grows faster than inflation rates.
Building a Long-Term Perspective
Focus on wealth preservation alongside growth.
Maintain discipline in investing. Avoid reacting impulsively to market fluctuations.
Stay informed about economic and market trends affecting mutual fund performance.
Final Insights
Balancing equity and debt is essential for stability and growth in your portfolio. A 50%-60% equity and 40%-50% debt allocation aligns with your age and goals. Active management and regular reviews will help optimise returns and minimise risks.

Transitioning gradually ensures minimal disruption to your portfolio’s growth. Focus on creating a robust strategy to secure your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
One time investment in mutual fund in which fund
Ans: To decide on a one-time investment, understanding your financial goals is vital. Knowing the purpose of your investment ensures better alignment with your expectations. Your goals could be wealth creation, retirement planning, or funding a specific future expense like a child's education or marriage.

Assessing Risk Tolerance
Before choosing any investment, assess your risk tolerance. High-risk options offer better returns but can fluctuate more. If you are a conservative investor, you might prefer stability over high returns. Moderately aggressive investors balance growth and risk well.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Actively managed mutual funds are an excellent choice for one-time investments. Professional fund managers make critical investment decisions based on market conditions. These funds can outperform market indices over the long term due to their strategic asset allocation.

They adapt well to market dynamics, offering higher growth potential than passive funds. Investors benefit from expertise and insights that help mitigate risks during market downturns.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds simply track market indices and lack active management. They offer no scope for market-beating returns. While their fees are lower, this comes at the cost of performance. In actively managed funds, expert decision-making can lead to better results.

Investors relying solely on index funds may miss opportunities to earn superior returns. Active funds also better suit those aiming for long-term wealth accumulation with reduced volatility.

The Issue with Direct Funds
Direct funds may have lower costs but require greater knowledge and time. Without professional advice, managing such investments can be overwhelming. Regular funds, managed through Certified Financial Planners, ensure guidance tailored to your needs.

A Certified Financial Planner monitors your portfolio’s performance, suggesting timely corrections. This professional approach ensures that your investment aligns with your financial goals efficiently.

Choosing the Right Mutual Fund Category
Select funds based on your investment horizon and risk appetite. Equity mutual funds work well for long-term goals as they provide higher growth potential. However, they carry higher volatility and are suitable only for investors with a longer time horizon.

For medium-term goals, balanced or hybrid funds are better suited. These combine equity and debt to balance risk and returns. Short-term goals are better addressed with debt funds, offering lower returns with minimal risk.

Importance of Diversification
Diversifying your investment reduces the risk of losses. It spreads your money across various sectors, ensuring market fluctuations impact your investment less. Avoid investing all funds in a single category, ensuring a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds.

Taxation Rules for Mutual Funds
Understand the tax implications before investing. For equity funds, long-term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains are taxed at 20%. For debt funds, all gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Consider tax-saving options if your goal aligns with reducing tax liabilities. While tax efficiency matters, it should not override your primary objective of wealth creation.

Importance of Lump Sum Timing
Market timing matters for one-time investments. Investing during a market correction or when valuations are reasonable ensures better growth. A Certified Financial Planner can guide you to enter the market at the right time for better results.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Investment
A one-time investment is not set and forget. Regular reviews ensure the investment aligns with your goals. Markets evolve, and so should your portfolio. Make changes as required with the guidance of a professional.

The Role of Emergency Funds
Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund before making a one-time investment. This fund covers unforeseen expenses, preventing you from withdrawing long-term investments prematurely. Keep at least 6-12 months' expenses aside for emergencies.

Setting Realistic Expectations
Investments are subject to market risks, and returns are not guaranteed. Patience and a long-term approach yield better results. Understand the product before investing, ensuring it meets your expectations and financial objectives.

Final Insights
A one-time mutual fund investment can help achieve your financial goals effectively. However, aligning this investment with your risk tolerance and objectives is key. Actively managed funds, combined with professional advice, offer the best value for your money.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I 25M) have been in a Long Distance Emotional Relationship with a College Friend (25F) whom I'd known since more than 3 years. Although, neither of us has explicitly confessed to each other, but we both seemed to have strong Feelings for each other. We both have shared a lot of personal matters about ourselves, with each other (which are unknown to even some of our Closest Friends). We both share similar Values & Outlook towards various aspects of Life (including our Long Term Career Goals). We both used to chat on WhatsApp almost everyday, sharing our experiences, opinions, knowledge etc. I used to Flirt with her by writing Romantic Poetry for her, once she'd also confessed that she's falling for me. But what has stopped us both from proposing Love to one another is the difference in our Family Background (I'm from a Telugu Speaking Hindu Brahmin Family & she's from a Malayali Catholic Christian Family, but we both studied together from a College in Gujarat). As of now, we both are in different States Studying/Working in different fields. But both of us have been preparing for UPSC, which is our ultimate Career Goal & we also used to discuss the Subject matter & Preparation Plans, helping out each other. Presently, the Problem is that She seems to have Ghosted me (since a Month) citing a silly reason that her Phone got Damaged (she'd said something like this even in 2021), but I see her active on various Social Media Platforms, regularly. I have tried reaching out to her through all the Social Media Platforms & have even called her up, but there's no Response at all, from her side. I am not able to understand why she has Ghosted me like this, atleast she could have honestly told me the actual Reason. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I must have been a distraction to her Studies. But I have very strong Feelings for her, which I'd never felt for any other Girl & I believe that we can have a Future together. We both could continue complementing each other in the course of UPSC Preparation & acting as each other's motivation & emotional support (as seen in the Movie "12th Fail"). And if we both successfully clear UPSC together, we could try to convince our Parents for Marriage (these are not just my Fantasies, even she had indirectly expressed her interest in sharing her Future Life with me). Now, I don't understand what to do? How to reach out to her & sort out things between us? If not reconciliation, I believe that I deserve atleast a definite closure with Honest communication. Though, I am going along with my UPSC Preparation, every now & then, I can't Help thinking of her, I'm feeling Lonely, her Emotional & Intellectual Company would be a great Help in the course of my Preparation. She's always been a Positive Motivation not a Distraction in my Career Path. Please advise me, how do I get back at her, presently, she's working in a different State, so reaching out to meet her in person is not feasible & I have unsuccessfully tried out all other means of Communication. What should I do now? I want to hear from her again, I'd feel satisfied even if she breaks it up with me, honestly stating the Reason. I am feeling restless due to this Uncertainty. Should I persistently keep trying to reach out to her, through different means, without giving up on her, until she Responds, Hoping that she'd appreciate my consistent efforts & reconsider the Relationship with me? Or would you advise any other approach, which is better, according to you?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You really need to STOP putting yourself through this.
The reason for your restless state is the dependency that you have been having on her, chats with her, the emotional base with her knowing well enough that there has been no prior agreement on commitment in this relationship. But that's the way the heart is, no?
So, there has been freedom with both of you to go away when you please, to see other people etc...

You have possibly been more into this connection that she has been into it and this has led to expectations from your end.
Go silent and maybe this will give her an idea of missing you if she truly has feelings for you. When you do this, you give yourself some breathing space as well on things that need your focus and also will also reveal if she really wants you as a part of her life. This space is difficult but really important.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |691 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
My age is 30 gf is also of same age ..we have caste issue and she is being hindu..but we love each other deeply ..we are in strong seriously relationship since 5 years ..but suddenly now she has cheated with me with a guy of same caste and too rich..now i am devasted ..i have done everything for her she asked for and i have given my blood sweat and tears to work it this relation into marrige...since i found out my gf had cheated on me i am not in myself..my left chest always has mild to severe pain when i think about her .it is just sudden change of emotions..when i am doing my work i forgets about her but not able to focus and it is reflecting on my performance...please confirm what should i do now .she has said sorry multiple times ..but i cannot trust her the same way and not able to love her same way as it is use to be...though my feelinga for her never gonna die but this feeling only killing me please confirm what should do please
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Heartbreaks can show up in the body as aches and pains; but do visit the doctor to rule out any issue causing the pain in your chest.
I would suggest 'taking a break' from your relationship to process what has gone on...being cheated upon is not easy to digest and you need the time to understand what has happened.
Yes, loss of trust can be very difficult to repair but whether you want to forgive her or not, trust her again or not are things to be dealt with as you go into this 'break mode' as it will allow the anger to heighten, simmer and then dull down while the importance of this person in your life will arise where you can then ask yourself if you wish to continue this relationship or you actually can do away with it.
I do feel that you will benefit from working with a professional on this as your mind state can interfere in the process of reflection and healing. So, do consider that as well...
I will not say that Time Heals, but Time gives you an opportunity to reflect and learn...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I (30M) am looking for suitable match through Arranged Marriage Platforms. Recently, I had connected with a Lady (25F) who seemed to tick all the Boxes, which I preferred in a Life Partner & she seemed to like me too, we both were getting along quite well through chatting & phone calls. When we met, in person for the first time, I POLITELY asked her what's her BODY COUNT (while mentioning that my Body Count is Zero, as I am VIRGIN). Immediately, she lost her Temper, started abusing me & splashed her Drink all over my Face & Clothes, she was physically assaulting me, when the waiters intervened & calmed her down. I was feeling Humiliated in Public. She threatened that she would Report me to the Police for 'SEXUAL HARASSMENT'. Realising that she could ruin my Life, I apologised to her earnestly & made Peace. Needless to say, she ended all contact with me. But, this incident has left me emotionally bruised. Did I do anything Wrong by asking my prospective Life Partner about her Sexual History? Don't I have the Right to know about this aspect of the Woman, I'd be Marrying? Was she right in taking offence at my Question? Can her Reaction be Justified? Does my Question warrant a Criminal Case against me (something as Heinous as 'Sexual Harassment')? How do I handle such situations in the Future? Should I avoid asking, any other prospects, in the future m, such sensitive personal Questions? What do I do, in case, any other Lady, behaves aggressively with me? Would it be better, if I Record our entire conversation, secretly, using a Bodycam, as a Pro-Active measure, to prove my Innocence & defend myself against Criminal Proceedings? Would it be Legal, to Record our Conversation, without her Knowledge or Consent? Or shall I seek her Consent & Proceed cautiously? Please Advise me, how to handle such sensitive situations, in the Future.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Things have definitely changed in the dating and marriage scene from what it was even 20 or 10 years back...
But hey, I still have my reservations on whether women are comfortable answering very intimate questions...do you not think that a question on body count can be reserved to a future meeting maybe when the two of you show interest in each other and when transparency is vital to further the connection?
Right on Day 1, what is the necessity to jump about and get curious about it? Maybe if someone asked you, you would be okay with it but not everyone or every woman is going to be comfortable with it.
When you pay attention to what the other person wants and likes, there are minimal chances of you slipping up and irking them; where is the question then to take care of legal stuff, recording etc...
Genuinely be there with the other person in a conversation and when the rapport is built, the conversation flows effortlessly and you will start to enjoy it. Start to get curious about who they are as people rather than how many people they have slept with...This should help you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x