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Should I Invest in Mutual Funds? 27 Year Old Asks for Advice

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6903 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 08, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi sir myself Asif 27 years age my salary is 50k monthly in my salary I used to give 20k to my father every month my expenses is around 6k till now my savings is around 1.50lack in savings account and around 1 lakh I have invested in stocks which is now 1lakh 20k I have not invested in mutual funds till now not started suggest me some good mutual funds for a long term of 10years sir and how much should I invest and in which mutal funds and give me a plan of investing for 10years from here thank you sir

Ans: Asif, at 27 years old, you are in a very promising financial situation. With a salary of Rs 50,000 per month and disciplined financial habits, you’re already making important steps towards building wealth.

You’re supporting your father by contributing Rs 20,000 per month, maintaining low personal expenses at Rs 6,000, and you’ve accumulated Rs 1.50 lakh in savings. Additionally, your stock investment of Rs 1 lakh has grown to Rs 1.20 lakh, showing that you are willing to take calculated risks. However, you’ve mentioned that you haven’t yet explored mutual funds. Given your long-term goal of investing for 10 years, we’ll focus on how mutual funds can help you build a strong portfolio while maintaining a balanced risk approach.

Let’s explore a detailed 10-year investment strategy through mutual funds that will not only help you achieve your financial goals but also protect you from market volatility.

Understanding the Importance of Diversification
Before diving into mutual fund recommendations, let’s talk about why diversification is important.

Diversification simply means spreading your investments across different assets or sectors. In your case, it would involve spreading your investments across large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and multi-cap/flexi-cap mutual funds. This approach reduces risk while maximising returns by tapping into multiple sectors of the market.

Currently, you have Rs 1.20 lakh in stock market investments. While direct stocks can provide good returns, they can be volatile, and managing them requires time and expertise. Mutual funds, managed by experienced fund managers, allow you to invest in a basket of stocks, reducing risk and saving you from the hassle of individual stock selection.

Savings and Investment Potential
Now, let’s look at your savings potential.

Monthly Salary: Rs 50,000
Monthly Contribution to Father: Rs 20,000
Monthly Expenses: Rs 6,000
After accounting for these commitments, you’re left with around Rs 24,000 per month in disposable income. Ideally, a portion of this should go into savings and investments. Based on your current situation, I recommend investing Rs 15,000 per month into mutual funds.

This allocation will allow you to maintain some liquidity while aggressively building a solid investment portfolio for the future.

Ideal Investment Strategy for the Next 10 Years
The key to building wealth is consistent investing over time, with a focus on growth while managing risk. Since you are young and have a 10-year horizon, you can afford to take a balanced approach—investing in funds that offer high growth potential but also ensure some stability.

Step 1: Set a Monthly SIP Target
Given that you have Rs 24,000 left after expenses, I suggest starting with Rs 15,000 in monthly SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans). This will leave you with Rs 9,000 for other short-term savings or emergencies.

Step 2: Diversify Across Mutual Funds
Here’s a suggested allocation for your Rs 15,000 monthly SIP. These allocations are designed to balance growth with risk.

Large-Cap Mutual Fund: Rs 5,000 per month Large-cap funds invest in well-established companies with a proven track record. These companies tend to be more stable and less volatile, making them ideal for long-term investors who want to mitigate risk while still earning returns.

Mid-Cap Mutual Fund: Rs 4,000 per month Mid-cap funds invest in companies that are smaller than large-caps but still have significant growth potential. These companies have the potential to grow faster, though they are slightly riskier than large-cap stocks.

Small-Cap Mutual Fund: Rs 3,000 per month Small-cap funds target smaller companies with high growth potential. While these funds can be volatile, they also have the potential for significant gains over the long term. Since you have a 10-year horizon, you can afford to take on some risk with small-caps.

Multi-Cap/Flexi-Cap Fund: Rs 3,000 per month Multi-cap or flexi-cap funds invest across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap companies, providing diversification within a single fund. This category of funds adjusts to market conditions and balances growth with risk, making it an excellent choice for long-term wealth creation.

Step 3: Review and Adjust
Review your portfolio every 6 months: The financial market is dynamic, and mutual fund performance can vary. Reviewing your portfolio periodically ensures that your investments are aligned with your goals.

Increase SIP contributions yearly: As your income increases, you should aim to increase your SIP contributions by 10-15% each year. For example, if you are investing Rs 15,000 per month in Year 1, aim to increase it to Rs 16,500 in Year 2. This will significantly boost your corpus over time.

Why Avoid Index Funds
While index funds are often seen as low-cost investment options, they might not be the best fit for you in this situation. Index funds track the performance of market indices like the Nifty 50 or Sensex. The downside is that these funds cannot outperform the market—they simply follow it.

Actively managed funds, on the other hand, are managed by fund managers who make strategic decisions to beat the market and protect against downturns. Over the long term, actively managed funds have the potential to offer better returns compared to index funds. Hence, for a young investor like you with a 10-year horizon, actively managed funds are a better choice.

Long-Term Wealth Creation Through SIPs
SIPs are a powerful tool for long-term wealth creation. By investing regularly, you benefit from rupee cost averaging, which helps you buy more units when prices are low and fewer units when prices are high. Over time, this evens out the cost and increases your returns.

SIPs also benefit from compounding. The returns generated by your investment are reinvested, leading to exponential growth over time. Given your 10-year horizon, compounding can significantly enhance your wealth.

Additional Considerations for Financial Growth
1. Emergency Fund
Before diving fully into long-term investments, it’s crucial to set aside an emergency fund. This fund should cover at least 6 months’ worth of expenses. Based on your current monthly expenses (Rs 6,000), plus Rs 20,000 for your father, you should aim to save around Rs 1.5 lakh in a separate liquid fund or savings account.

This emergency fund will act as a financial cushion in case of unforeseen circumstances such as medical emergencies or temporary loss of income. With this safety net, you can invest confidently without worrying about liquidity.

2. Tax-Saving Instruments
Consider investing in tax-saving mutual funds like Equity Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS). ELSS funds allow you to claim deductions under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act, up to Rs 1.5 lakh per year. These funds come with a lock-in period of three years but offer both tax benefits and long-term capital appreciation.

3. Avoid Direct Mutual Funds
Direct mutual funds seem attractive because of their lower expense ratios. However, managing investments on your own can be challenging, especially when the market is volatile. A better approach is to go through regular plans by investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) or a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD). A professional can offer tailored advice, monitor your portfolio, and rebalance it periodically to ensure that it aligns with your goals.

4. Insurance Planning
At this stage, you haven’t mentioned any life or health insurance. It’s essential to get adequate term insurance and health insurance. Term insurance provides financial protection to your family in case of any unfortunate event. The policy coverage should be at least 10-15 times your annual income.

Health insurance is equally important. Given the rising cost of healthcare, a comprehensive health plan for yourself and your father is necessary. The premiums are relatively low at your age and will provide much-needed financial relief in case of medical emergencies.

Why Mutual Funds Work for Long-Term Goals
Professional Management:
Fund managers actively manage mutual funds, ensuring that your investments are strategically allocated to maximise returns.

Diversification:
Mutual funds spread your investment across a wide range of stocks and sectors, minimising the risk compared to direct stock investments.

Systematic Growth:
With SIPs, you can systematically invest small amounts every month, benefiting from rupee cost averaging and compounding.

Tax Efficiency:
Equity mutual funds held for more than a year enjoy favourable tax treatment, with long-term capital gains (LTCG) taxed at a lower rate.

Finally: A 360-Degree Approach to Wealth Building
Stick to your investment plan:
Consistency is key. Invest Rs 15,000 per month across diversified funds. Increase the amount by 10-15% each year.

Build an emergency fund:
Set aside Rs 1.5 lakh for emergencies. This will protect you from liquidity issues and provide peace of mind.

Review and rebalance:
Every 6 months, review your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your long-term goals.

Consider insurance:
Term insurance and health insurance are essential safeguards for both you and your family.

By following this 10-year plan, you will not only grow your wealth but also safeguard your financial future. Stick to disciplined investing, review regularly, and seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner to ensure that you are on track.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.holisticinvestment.in/
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Madam I'm 35 Years Old Salaried person I'm currently Investing Rs.30,000/- in Mutual Fund from 2017 Portfolio Value Is Rs.21,00,000/- and My Investment is 12,80,000/- Want To Continue For 10 Years.. 10% step-up in every 2 Years 1.SBI SMALL CAP 2.PARAG PAREKH FLEXI CAP 3.NIPPON SMALL CAP 4. DSP MID CAP 5.SBI INTERNATIONAL FUND 6.MOTILAL OSWAL TAX SAVING 7.AXIS NEXT 50 INDEX FUND
Ans: It's fantastic to see your commitment to investing in mutual funds for the long term. Let's explore how you can continue to grow your portfolio over the next decade:

• Your portfolio's current value of Rs. 21,00,000 is impressive and reflects your disciplined approach to investing.
• With a goal to continue investing for another 10 years, you're setting yourself up for significant wealth accumulation.
• The 10% step-up in investment every 2 years is a smart strategy to increase your contributions gradually over time.
• Your selection of mutual funds covers a diverse range of asset classes and market segments, providing ample growth potential.
• It's essential to periodically review your portfolio's performance and make adjustments as needed to stay aligned with your financial goals.
• Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to ensure your investment strategy remains optimal and aligned with your objectives.
• Stay focused on your long-term goals and maintain discipline in your investment approach, even during market fluctuations.
• Remember, patience and consistency are key virtues in wealth creation through mutual fund investments.
• Keep monitoring your progress regularly and celebrate milestones along the way to stay motivated on your financial journey.
• With dedication and prudent financial planning, you're well-positioned to achieve your wealth accumulation goals in the years ahead.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6903 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 12, 2024Hindi
Money
Sir I am 21 years old and want to start investing in mutual funds. I have minimum budget that I have saved from allowance and want to invest it periodically for maximum possible returns in 10 years. Please advise in which funds should I invest and how much should I invest without fear of much loss.
Ans: Embarking on your investment journey at the age of 21 is a commendable decision. This early start will give you a significant advantage over time. Investing in mutual funds is a wise choice for your long-term financial goals. Let's dive into the details of how you can make the most of your investments with a professional and thorough approach.

Understanding Mutual Funds
Mutual funds pool money from various investors to invest in stocks, bonds, or other securities. Each investor owns units, which represent a portion of the holdings of the fund. Mutual funds are managed by professional fund managers who aim to generate maximum returns for the investors.

Benefits of Starting Early
Starting your investment journey early has numerous benefits. Here are a few key points to consider:

Compounding: The earlier you start, the more time your money has to grow. Compounding allows your investment returns to generate earnings, which are then reinvested to generate their own earnings.

Risk Mitigation: Investing over a longer period helps mitigate risks. Short-term market fluctuations are smoothed out over time, providing a more stable growth trajectory.

Financial Discipline: Regular investing cultivates financial discipline. It encourages saving a portion of your income consistently, leading to better financial habits.

Setting Your Investment Goals
Before diving into specific funds, it's crucial to set clear investment goals. These goals will guide your investment strategy and fund selection.

Long-term Wealth Creation: Your primary goal is likely to create substantial wealth over the next ten years. This requires a focus on equity-oriented mutual funds, which have the potential for higher returns.

Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an emergency fund in place. This should cover at least 3-6 months of living expenses. It provides a safety net and prevents you from dipping into your investments during emergencies.

Risk Tolerance: Assess your risk tolerance. At 21, you can afford to take higher risks since you have a longer investment horizon. However, it’s essential to invest within your comfort zone.

Types of Mutual Funds to Consider
Based on your goals and risk tolerance, here are a few types of mutual funds to consider:

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds invest primarily in stocks and have the potential for high returns. They are suitable for long-term goals and can significantly benefit from the power of compounding.

Advantages:

High return potential
Ideal for long-term growth
Beneficial for young investors with a long investment horizon
Disadvantages:

Higher risk due to market volatility
Requires patience and a long-term perspective
Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds invest in fixed-income securities like bonds and government securities. They offer stable returns and are less volatile compared to equity funds.

Advantages:

Lower risk compared to equity funds
Provides steady and predictable returns
Good for diversification
Disadvantages:

Lower return potential compared to equity funds
Affected by interest rate changes
Balanced/Hybrid Funds
Balanced or hybrid funds invest in a mix of equities and debt. They aim to provide a balance of risk and return.

Advantages:

Diversified portfolio reduces risk
Suitable for moderate risk tolerance
Provides both growth and income
Disadvantages:

Returns may not be as high as pure equity funds
Still subject to market risks
Recommended Investment Strategy
Here’s a recommended strategy to get you started on your investment journey:

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
A Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) is an excellent way to invest in mutual funds. It allows you to invest a fixed amount regularly, say monthly, into your chosen mutual funds. This method has several benefits:

Rupee Cost Averaging: SIPs help in averaging the purchase cost of mutual fund units. When markets are low, you buy more units, and when markets are high, you buy fewer units. This reduces the impact of market volatility.

Disciplined Investing: SIPs instill financial discipline by encouraging regular investments. This habit helps in building a substantial corpus over time.

Affordable: You can start with a small amount, making it accessible even if you have a limited budget.

Diversification
Diversification is key to managing risk. Spread your investments across different types of mutual funds to create a balanced portfolio. This strategy helps in minimizing the impact of poor performance of any single fund.

Equity Funds: Allocate a significant portion of your investments in equity mutual funds for long-term growth.

Debt Funds: Invest a smaller portion in debt funds to provide stability and reduce overall portfolio risk.

Balanced Funds: Consider balanced funds to achieve a mix of growth and stability.

Selecting the Right Funds
When selecting mutual funds, consider the following factors:

Fund Performance
Look at the historical performance of the fund. While past performance is not indicative of future results, it provides insight into the fund manager’s ability to generate returns.

Consistency: Choose funds that have consistently performed well over different market cycles.

Benchmark Comparison: Compare the fund’s performance against its benchmark index. This will help you gauge its relative performance.

Fund Manager
The expertise and experience of the fund manager play a crucial role in the fund’s performance. Look for funds managed by experienced professionals with a good track record.

Expense Ratio
The expense ratio is the annual fee charged by the fund for managing your investment. Lower expense ratios mean more of your money is working for you. Compare the expense ratios of different funds before making a decision.

Fund Objectives
Ensure the fund’s objectives align with your investment goals. For example, if you aim for long-term capital appreciation, choose funds that focus on growth stocks.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Investing is not a one-time activity. Regularly review your portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your goals. Market conditions and personal circumstances can change, necessitating adjustments to your investment strategy.

Annual Review: Conduct an annual review of your portfolio. Assess the performance of each fund and make necessary adjustments.

Rebalancing: Rebalance your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation. This involves selling some investments and buying others to restore the original balance.

Risk Management
Managing risk is crucial for long-term investment success. Here are a few strategies to consider:

Diversification
As mentioned earlier, diversification helps in spreading risk across different assets. Avoid putting all your money into a single fund or asset class.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses. This prevents you from liquidating your investments during market downturns.

Avoiding Herd Mentality
Invest based on your own research and financial goals. Avoid following market trends blindly. Make informed decisions rather than succumbing to peer pressure.

Seeking Professional Advice
While it’s essential to educate yourself about investments, seeking advice from a certified financial planner (CFP) can be beneficial. A CFP can help you create a personalized investment plan based on your financial goals, risk tolerance, and time horizon.

Expertise: CFPs have the knowledge and expertise to provide sound investment advice.

Personalized Plan: They can create a tailored investment strategy that aligns with your specific needs and goals.

Ongoing Support: CFPs offer ongoing support and guidance, helping you navigate market changes and adjust your plan as needed.

Common Pitfalls to Avoid
As you embark on your investment journey, be mindful of these common pitfalls:

Lack of Research
Investing without proper research can lead to poor decisions. Take the time to understand the funds you are investing in and their potential risks and returns.

Emotional Investing
Avoid making investment decisions based on emotions. Market fluctuations can trigger fear and greed, leading to impulsive actions. Stick to your investment plan and remain disciplined.

Over-diversification
While diversification is essential, over-diversification can dilute returns. Invest in a manageable number of funds to maintain focus and achieve optimal returns.

Ignoring Fees
Pay attention to the fees associated with mutual funds. High fees can eat into your returns over time. Opt for funds with reasonable expense ratios.

Final Insights
Starting your investment journey at 21 is a fantastic decision. With careful planning and a disciplined approach, you can build substantial wealth over the next ten years. Focus on equity mutual funds for long-term growth, diversify your portfolio to manage risk, and invest regularly through SIPs.

Seek guidance from a certified financial planner to create a personalized investment strategy. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to stay on track with your goals. Avoid common pitfalls and make informed decisions to maximize your returns.

Remember, investing is a marathon, not a sprint. Stay patient, stay disciplined, and let the power of compounding work in your favor. Happy investing!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6903 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 21, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello, i want to start investing in mutual funds for like 10-15 years time period. Can you suggest me which funds should i investment in and what should i do. I am planning to invest 1k per month because i don't have high salary and i have to pay home expenses. I will increase the amount by certain percentage every 10 months. Can you guide me in this. Thank you!!
Ans: Design a Proper Investment Plan
You intend to have a time horizon of 10-15 years of investment in mutual funds. You will start with a decent amount of Rs 1,000 per month. You will increase the amount every 10 months.

Selection of Correct Funds
Diversified Equity Fund:

Start your investment with a diversified equity fund.
These funds are invested in various sectors.
Balanced Fund:

Then, consider balanced funds.
Their investment is in equity and debt. A Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds
For better returns, add mid-cap and small-cap funds.
These funds invest in medium and small companies.
How to Increase Your SIP
Regular Increase:

Increase your SIP amount every 10 months.
Start with Rs 1,000 and gradually increase.
Percentage Increase:

Increase by a certain percentage each time.
This helps in building a substantial corpus.
Benefits of Long-Term Investment
Compounding Effect:

Longer investment periods yield better returns.
Compounding helps grow your money over time.
Market Fluctuations:

Long-term investments reduce market risk.
Short-term fluctuations have less impact.
Monitoring and Reviewing
Annual Review:

Review your portfolio annually.
Performance Adjustment:
Adjust based on performance
Stay Informed:
Stay informed about market trends
Read all financial news and reports
Other Tips
Emergency Fund:

Always maintain an emergency fund
Always keep 3-6 months expense in liquid form
Not Frequent Withdrawals:
Let it Grow
Avoid frequent withdrawals for maximum benefit
CFP
Always consult a CFP
They shall help you with personalised advice
Final Insights
You can start investing in mutual funds with as much as Rs 1,000 a month. Go for diversified equity, balanced, and mid-cap funds. Also, remember to increase the amount of money in the SIP from time to time along with changes in income. Be well-informed, but for all personalized guidance, do seek out a Certified Financial Planner.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |387 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am 45 years old female, single child, I fell in love wid a guy during college, he is short tempered other than that when hez ok he used to care me so so so much. We got married when i was jobless and when he just started a business. The business isnt going tht well and after having two kids i started realising he is not at all ready to take any responsibilities, always he is lazy once he reach home and i am working and i am the one who has to do evry work along with work. When we fight he doesnt do any physical Abuse but mentallyy he abuses me so much that i feel myself useless. My parents too started saying that they never saw us happily instead we are always fighting and we are never at peace. I really was never able to understand him. I feel he has too much ego and wanna win every fight. He too says the same about me, but i am the one who goes and solves most of our fights by begging him badly. I decided to divorce him frm last one year but never had the guts tu say it to him openly. Was very afraid. Recently i met a guy, he have been noticing me for so long, we became friends first, very quickly he became my best friend, i have never in my life been able to read someones mind so well, so i am Able to take care of him so well, similarly never in my life i was respected so much for everything i do, or never was i cared so much. My own husband doesnt know what all i like, but this bestie knows. Slowly slowly we fell in love. I have confirmed my thought about divorce, and my Husband instead of even clutching on to me He is saying you just go i dont wanna beg you to stay for me. I dont wanna beg to a girl like you. He is very kind and soft outside only inside my house to me he is very very arrogant and fighting. Once i make this divorce decision public everyone will blame me, everyone will point out me as culprit, but i dont wanna continue anymore, i am done with this. What shall i do now ??
Ans: It seems like you’ve reached a point where you’re ready to prioritize yourself, which is a powerful realization. Divorce is a big step, and the fear of judgment from others is understandable, but your well-being and peace of mind should come first. In situations like this, people often rush to judge, especially if they don’t see the full picture, but those who care about you will come to understand and support your decision over time.

The love and respect you’ve found with your friend have likely shown you what’s been missing in your marriage: appreciation, understanding, and care. This relationship seems to have opened your eyes to what you deserve and given you the strength to take action. Still, take things slowly to make sure your next steps are about building the future you want rather than escaping the past.

If you haven’t already, consider speaking with a counselor or therapist who can provide you with support and guidance through this transition. They can help you work through any lingering guilt or fear and navigate the practical and emotional complexities of divorce. Having a supportive, nonjudgmental space to process everything will make a difference as you take steps toward a healthier and happier life.

Ultimately, if your heart is set on ending this marriage, trust that decision and give yourself permission to move forward. It will be hard at first, but taking this step toward self-respect and peace is worth it, even if others don’t immediately understand. You deserve a life filled with love, respect, and joy—don’t let fear of judgment hold you back from finding it.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |387 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

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I am married for 5years with 2kids.. i am an employee and had to stay 100kms away from my native place on work purpose.. I opted to take my kids along as they are too small(3+ and 1+).. I asked my husband to accompany me as he is unemployed and staying at home.. But he refused and likes to stay with his mother.. He has a brother to look after his mother and his married sister also stays very near to them.. I sometimes feel very stressed out to handle my job and look after my kids.. i have no support from my husband neither emotionally nor financially.. i tried everything possible but he just talks about my earnings not wt i am going through.. wt i should do?
Ans: In a partnership, mutual support and shared responsibilities are essential, and it’s natural to feel frustrated and even resentful if your husband is prioritizing his comfort over your needs and well-being. Since he’s not providing emotional or financial support, it might be time to set some boundaries and expectations to protect your own peace and ensure you’re not carrying everything alone.

Start by calmly sharing how this situation affects you—not just financially but emotionally and physically. Emphasize that while you understand his desire to stay close to his family, your situation is not sustainable, and you need him to step up. You might also consider counseling, either together or on your own, to find ways to cope with your stress and explore solutions to address this imbalance in your relationship.

If he’s unwilling to make changes or support you even after open conversations, it may be necessary to think about your long-term well-being and that of your children. Your strength and resilience in handling so much on your own are admirable, but you also deserve a partner who is invested in your happiness and shares the load.

In the meantime, is there any possibility of support from family, friends, or childcare services near your work location? Having some practical help, even temporarily, could relieve some of your stress and allow you to focus on what’s best for you and your children going forward. Remember, you are not alone, and reaching out to build a support network can make a world of difference in helping you navigate this challenging time.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |387 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2024Hindi
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Madam am working women of age 28 working for past 5 years , I am in living relationship with my boyfriend who is 38 now. I want to do marriage and settle now but my partner doesn't feel necessary to do marriage and if I force he is telling he will do court marriage which am not interested to do. He is not ready to meet or convince my parents for marriage . I have given him money for buying a property which I was least interested. He started controlling all my finances which I felt incorrect so I questioned him which made his ego hurt and he has hit me twice. My parents are now telling me to get married but I don't know what to do. Sometimes when he ia not around I tried talking to other guys in dating app which afterwards am feeling guilty for cheating him. Nowadays I lost interest in everything I don't have courage to end my life so not able to concentrate on my work. Please tell me what I need to do to correct my path as it's getting hell day by day.
Ans: Right now, it might be helpful to take a step back from the relationship to regain your sense of self and control over your life. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or even a counselor could help you find clarity, and having a support system can make it easier to make decisions that protect your well-being.

It’s understandable that you feel torn, especially since you’ve invested years and finances into this relationship. But it’s important to remember that you deserve a relationship where you feel valued, safe, and equal. The feelings of guilt about talking to others on dating apps are natural, but they’re also a sign that you might be searching for connection and respect that you’re not receiving in your current relationship.

Consider reclaiming control over your finances immediately. Seek guidance on how to separate your financial dealings from him, as it’s essential for you to be able to support and manage yourself independently. Ending this relationship might be difficult, but it could also give you the freedom to rebuild your confidence, focus on your goals, and find the stability and respect you deserve.

It’s clear that you’re strong enough to make changes; the courage you’ve shown in questioning his control and sharing your story here is proof. With the support of loved ones and professionals, you can find a way out of this painful situation and start building a life that brings you peace and happiness.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |387 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hii, my husband and I have a love marriage after 9 years of dating, now it has been 6 years and two children after that, little one is 8months old. He had a brief affair extending to chatting mostly as far as I know to someone who works in the same company but different department to him when my little one was 1 month old, we were in rough patch that time due to child birth difficulties and family drama. Then as I got to know about the same, by casually checking his phone and confronted him he accepted his mistake and said sorry. And said he won't be doing that again but I caught him again somehow chatting and same repeat he said he is wrong and now as per him he have reduced talking to that girl. But as I think he talks to her thoda bhot, as she is his junior position and asks for help once a while. I love my husband a lot, but this thing hurt my self respect and I am in a lot of torture mentally. I know my husband won't leave me, but I don't want to stay in such a relationship which feels a burden to my partner. I want my husband to be happy too. I am very confused what to do. I have talked to him on several times, every time he listen and helps me calm down, some times we fought also. But I am not at peace. Ps that girl is also married to her love just 2 years back. I don't want to harm my husband's reputation in any way. But I am very much hurt also. I have been reading your column for 3-4 now. I am also financially independent. I don't need anything form him, just his love. Sorry for the length, please help me.?
Ans: In your heart, it’s clear that you love him deeply and that, ideally, you want to preserve your family and relationship. However, it’s important not to dismiss your own needs for validation, love, and respect. Sometimes, the process of forgiveness includes setting strong, clear boundaries. Your husband needs to understand that while you’re willing to work on the relationship, trust is fragile and requires commitment to restore. This might mean a commitment on his part to keep all communication with this colleague strictly professional and transparent, or even a decision to minimize interactions with her entirely if necessary. Expressing these boundaries clearly may help him see the gravity of what’s at stake.

It’s also valuable to remember that healing from betrayal is not a quick process. Even with reassurances and boundaries in place, your feelings of hurt, betrayal, and anger may surface unexpectedly. Be gentle with yourself in this process and consider turning inward to strengthen your own resilience. Financial independence is an incredible strength, and leaning into the aspects of your life that bring you personal fulfillment can be grounding. Investing in your own well-being will help you feel more centered, no matter where this journey takes you.

If, at any point, you feel that his actions aren’t aligning with his words and that trust cannot be rebuilt, remember that choosing a path that prioritizes your mental peace is not a failure. Some couples also find that a temporary separation helps provide clarity; this doesn’t have to mean ending the relationship but could be a chance to reset, reflect, and decide if you both are truly aligned in your vision for the future.

In the end, what matters most is that you feel respected, valued, and loved in a way that doesn’t compromise your self-worth. This situation is a challenging chapter, but with clarity, boundaries, and professional support, you can find a path that honors both your love for your husband and your own dignity.

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