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Dr Karthiyayini

Dr Karthiyayini Mahadevan  |683 Answers  |Ask -

General Physician - Answered on Mar 27, 2024

Dr Karthiyayini Mahadevan has been practising for 30 years.
She specialises in general medicine, child development and senior citizen care.
A graduate from Madurai Medical College, she has DNB training in paediatrics and a postgraduate degree in developmental neurology.
She has trained in Tai chi, eurythmy, Bothmer gymnastics, spacial dynamics and yoga.
She works with children with development difficulties at Sparrc Institute and is the head of wellness for senior citizens at Columbia Pacific Communities.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 20, 2024Hindi
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Mam can woman have sex after menopause. she is at 45 now

Ans: Yes
Menopause is another phase of womanhood. There may be dryness, depression as part of menopausal symptoms which need to be addressed through proper understanding and support
DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.
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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 17, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 15, 2023Hindi
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Hi Anu !! I am 53 year & my wife is 52 years. She underwent a surgery in 2021 for removal of a simple ovarian cyst and was back to normal routine after few months. However, we are not able to have sexual intercourse since then due to it being extremely painful for her. She has also lost all interest in sex & we try it occasionally only upon my insistence. Prior to her surgery, we had a rocking sex life but now it has come to an abrupt end & it feels very depressing at times, particularly for me. Life seems lack-lusture now. Is it normal or we need to have some medical or psychological intervention. My wife says we are now anyway too old to expect frequent sexual encounters as before. She had her menopause about 3 years back. Pls help, I am confused, just like teenagers are when they are at the doorsteps of adulthood.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Two things strike me as I read what you have shared.
1. The effects of the surgery and medications that are possibly not making intercourse a pleasure
2. The effects of menopause which she possibly is undergoing that can temporarily deter the body from being active for any form of sexual intimacy

So, isn't it fair to actually focus on her as she is dealing with two major challenges at this point in time? I do understand that as a man, the way the body works is not at the same pace as it is for a woman. That's how there is a mismatch during key phases of life; childbirth, menopause, illness...
For a woman, her body will cooperate for any form of intimacy only if she 'feels' it from within...with pain and physiological changes during menopause due to hormonal his and lows, it is a challenge.
Work together as a couple on this; understand what is going on with her and what she 'feels'

Address the 'feeling' part and you will get answers to what's going on with her mind and body. Is consulting an option? Yes, it is but after you have tried working together on this. Sometimes, it is good to rule out any medical issues that is causing her to still have pain or a fear due to that pain can be eliminated by working with a mental health professional. Also a Mind Expert, will be able to work on her beliefs on intimacy, sex etc after a certain age...
One can be sexually active as long as they wish to, but it need not be cut short due to health issues or belief issues. Be compassionate as you speak with her and I am sure, things will get better...

All the best!
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |161 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 24, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2023Hindi
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Hii, I am a married man aged 54 years. My wife is aged 50 years. she has undergone menopause about a year ago. Since then her sexual desire has finished and she is not at all interested in sex. On the other hand, I am sexually active having urge for sex. We have't had sex for last more than six months. I am now getting restless. My friend has suggested that I should go for paid sex to satisfy my urge, but I feel it will be like cheating on my wife who has been faithful to me for the whole life. I am in a fix. Please advice,
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that your situation is challenging and can be emotionally difficult. It's important to approach such matters with sensitivity and communicationTalk to your wife openly and honestly about your feelings and desires. It's crucial to have a calm and non-confrontational conversation. Express your needs and concerns while also being empathetic to her perspective. Menopause can lead to changes in a woman's libido due to hormonal shifts. It may be beneficial for your wife to consult with a healthcare professional to discuss her symptoms. There could be medical interventions or lifestyle changes that may helpWhile sex is an important aspect of a relationship, intimacy can take many forms. Explore other ways to connect emotionally and physically that don't necessarily involve sexual activity. This may help strengthen your bond with your wife If you find it challenging to cope with your own feelings and desires, seeking individual counseling for yourself could be beneficial. A counselor can provide support and help you navigate your emotions. If both you and your wife are open to it, you might discuss the possibility of finding a solution that respects both of your needs and boundaries. This could involve finding a compromise or an arrangement that works for both parties Remember, every relationship is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. The key is to communicate openly, seek understanding, and work together to find a resolution that respects both partners' feelings and needs.
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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 20, 2024Hindi
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I am a 26 years old girl completed my studies, trying to get a job, 2 years back I fell in love online with a man of 32 years old, we have not met yet physically. He is working on a very small salary in a village i.e. his hometown. He can't get a good government job or private job now due to lack of experience and age. We love each other a lot with all our flaws. My family is strictly against it due to caste difference, low salary, he lives 1600 km away, background differences. Overall they don't trust him and our love and are emotionally blackmailing me to get married with someone they choose. And the thought alone of leaving him makes me sad
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry for the challenges you are facing. I understand how difficult it must be to leave a person you love. Having said that, I would also like to point out that living a decent life is not cheap. You are currently unemployed and your partner has a low salary; it will not be sustainable in the long run. I am not asking you to leave him and marry someone else; all I am suggesting is don't rush. Take the time to find a decent job and ask your partner to do the same. Once you think you both are earning a good amount of money, put forth the idea of your marriage again to your parents.

Now the most important thing, you have met him online and never met him in real life. Is it worth taking this kind of risk before verifying everything in person? I am sure he is genuine but there is no harm in cross-checking. And I can't really blame your parents for having their doubts. Please don't rush. One wrong decision can ruin the rest of your life. Take your time, think this through, and meet him in person, most likely in your city and in a public space. Do a thorough background check. It is easy to get fooled when you are in love.

Again, please don't rush. You have your whole life ahead of you.

Best Wishes
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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |173 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 21, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am 25+ years of old. Earning a handsome ammount of money arround 1lakh. I am a introvert, kind of kanjus you can say. I don't have any gf. I had one one one-sided relationship but because of low self confidence I didn't able to express my feelings. I don't feel myself as a ugly person but I am over waight, facing hair fall recently that's why I lose confidence approaching girls. I tried few dating apps but use. As I am a introvert I don't like to go to parties but definitely become comfortable after knowing the other person. Currently in Bangalore but being from a remote area I don't feel comfortable approaching a girl. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand how you are feeling. First of all, you are not alone in this. Secondly, it's time you recognize how much you have achieved in life. Kudos to that.

Now, coming to your concern, being an introvert is not an issue, though it comes with its own set of challenges. I understand that you feel shy when it comes to talking to women. That's where dating apps come in. You have seen no results on them; I hear you. But give it another try, but this time, with a fool-proof strategy. First off, write an appealing bio. It's equivalent to writing a cover letter- you put forward your best attributes and convince people why they should date you. You can mention your achievements, you can be honest and disclose that you are an introvert, mention what you have to offer as a partner and don't forget to mention what you are looking for in your partner. This would give your potential matches a concise idea of you and also help attract the right people. Second, display image matters. While I am not encouraging you to put up an over-edited picture hiding your imperfections, do not put up the worst one either. Make sure it's recent, decent, and of you and you alone, and not in a group. Third, if you like somebody, don't be afraid to send a message. You are not committing to them, nor do you have to see them in person. Leave a message, interact, only if things go well, meet in person. There's no rush and no prior commitment. Fourth and the most important one, be patient. The right match can take a while but when you do find them, it will be worth the wait.

Best Wishes!
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