Hii, I am a married man aged 54 years. My wife is aged 50 years. she has undergone menopause about a year ago. Since then her sexual desire has finished and she is not at all interested in sex. On the other hand, I am sexually active having urge for sex. We have't had sex for last more than six months. I am now getting restless. My friend has suggested that I should go for paid sex to satisfy my urge, but I feel it will be like cheating on my wife who has been faithful to me for the whole life. I am in a fix. Please advice,

Ans: It's not uncommon for individuals to experience changes in their sexual desire as they age. A decreased libido can be influenced by various factors, including hormonal changes, stress, medical conditions, medication side effects, and relationship dynamics. It's important to remember that everyone's sexual desire is unique, and what's most important is open and honest communication with your partner to navigate this situation.

Here are some steps to consider:

Communicate: Talk to your wife openly and honestly about your feelings and concerns. Let her know that it's not a reflection of your feelings for her, but rather a natural change that you're experiencing.
Seek medical advice: It's a good idea to consult a healthcare professional to rule out any underlying medical issues that might be affecting your libido. They can offer guidance on potential treatments or lifestyle changes.
Counseling or therapy: Consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor who specializes in sexual issues or relationships. They can provide guidance and strategies for improving your sexual relationship and communication.
Lifestyle changes: Maintaining a healthy lifestyle, including regular exercise, a balanced diet, and managing stress, can positively impact your overall well-being, including your sexual health.
Intimacy: While you may not feel the same level of sexual desire, you can still nurture emotional and physical intimacy with your partner through cuddling, hugging, kissing, and spending quality time together.
Experimentation: You and your wife can explore new ways of being intimate that don't necessarily involve sexual intercourse. Finding what works for both of you and focusing on mutual pleasure can be a fulfilling alternative.
Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all solution to changes in sexual desire, and it's essential to be patient and understanding with yourself and your partner. If you both are willing to work together and communicate openly, you can find ways to maintain a satisfying and fulfilling relationship.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Some medications do have side effects that can affect sex lives. This is something that you and your wife can discuss with a doctor who possibly may look at what can be done.
Also hormonal changes after during and after menopause shows a decline in sexual activity in many women. There are other forms of sexual intimacy that you and your wife can share. Discuss with her without sounding rigid only about sex being the important topic and make her the center of the discussion. It might help her to know that you still care and love her and she maybe more open to actually see what the challenges are.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
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