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Anu Krishna  |1026 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 17, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 15, 2023Hindi
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Hi Anu !! I am 53 year & my wife is 52 years. She underwent a surgery in 2021 for removal of a simple ovarian cyst and was back to normal routine after few months. However, we are not able to have sexual intercourse since then due to it being extremely painful for her. She has also lost all interest in sex & we try it occasionally only upon my insistence. Prior to her surgery, we had a rocking sex life but now it has come to an abrupt end & it feels very depressing at times, particularly for me. Life seems lack-lusture now. Is it normal or we need to have some medical or psychological intervention. My wife says we are now anyway too old to expect frequent sexual encounters as before. She had her menopause about 3 years back. Pls help, I am confused, just like teenagers are when they are at the doorsteps of adulthood.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Two things strike me as I read what you have shared.
1. The effects of the surgery and medications that are possibly not making intercourse a pleasure
2. The effects of menopause which she possibly is undergoing that can temporarily deter the body from being active for any form of sexual intimacy

So, isn't it fair to actually focus on her as she is dealing with two major challenges at this point in time? I do understand that as a man, the way the body works is not at the same pace as it is for a woman. That's how there is a mismatch during key phases of life; childbirth, menopause, illness...
For a woman, her body will cooperate for any form of intimacy only if she 'feels' it from within...with pain and physiological changes during menopause due to hormonal his and lows, it is a challenge.
Work together as a couple on this; understand what is going on with her and what she 'feels'

Address the 'feeling' part and you will get answers to what's going on with her mind and body. Is consulting an option? Yes, it is but after you have tried working together on this. Sometimes, it is good to rule out any medical issues that is causing her to still have pain or a fear due to that pain can be eliminated by working with a mental health professional. Also a Mind Expert, will be able to work on her beliefs on intimacy, sex etc after a certain age...
One can be sexually active as long as they wish to, but it need not be cut short due to health issues or belief issues. Be compassionate as you speak with her and I am sure, things will get better...

All the best!

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