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My 5-Year-Old Daughter is Terrified of Loud Noises and Voices: How Can I Help Her?

Aruna

Aruna Agarwal  | Answer  |Ask -

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on Dec 18, 2024

Aruna Agarwal is a qualified child psychologist and behaviour therapist with over 20 years of experience.
She has a master’s degree in psychology with a specialisation in behaviour analysis. She focuses on children between the ages of 2-10 years who face challenges related to behaviour, language development or attention issues and providing them with the right life skills.
Agarwal is the owner of Kidzee, a pre-primary school, and Mount Litera Zee School that caters to primary students.... more
Pankaj Question by Pankaj on Dec 02, 2024Hindi
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Hello Aruna, My daughter is 5year old now and she’s very scared of loud noise and voice both.for example loud noise in theatres,DJ’s. Even if we parents or teachers say something at high pitch she got very scared. She’s behave like normal child at home as kids do but in school she almost don’t talk to other children’s around her only answers to teachers if they ask her anything. When we talk to her and ask her why you don’t talk she explains that ma’am says don’t talk, keep quite which teachers generally says to everybody. Due to this she many times refuse to go to school.Her teachers also change frequently, as she get comfortable with a teacher she left the school. Kindly suggest what we should do.

Ans: There can be some sensory issues in children. Many a times Children have some aversion towards loud sounds if they have not been exposed to loud sounds. Instead of just removing the loud sounds,we can try to introduce her to loud sounds which she can bear and gradually increase the decibels. Once she gets used to it . Don't be in haste ,it has to be done gradually. Introduction to small social groups and gradually to bigger group too can be one way to get her comfortable.
DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.
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Dear Anu,My second child is 8 years old. She is lovable and kind in heart. Nowadays she talks in a loud voice, not interested in studying, never heeds us. We are both employed and find it difficult to teach her anything as she shows zero interest in studies. We are both mentally stressed with her sound and she never obeys both of us and skips everything by arguing. Since we do not have T.V. she watches mobile and never gives it back when we ask and quarrels with us all the time for mobile. Nowadays I tend to beat her due to her sound. Please advise me to overcome the problem.
Ans:

Dear AC,

Never ever raise your hand on a child! It only makes matters worse…So, kindly refrain from that first.

Now, let’s deal with the challenge at hand. It seems like with both if you out on work, she might feel parental neglect. Who is the primary caregiver now?

I suggest take this seriously. It might require some professional help to handle the situation with a lot of care and expertise.

She is protesting against your absence at home and this neglect that she faces (which I am sure is unintentional from your end), is what comes out as a behavioural tantrum.

Beating is not the solution. Understanding the situation for what it is, is the solution.

Your daughter needs love and care from both her parents

She did not have enough knowledge or understanding that both her parents will be out on work

No other primary caregiver (assuming there is none or is ineffective) is around to hold space for her at her age

The absence of parents at home after dreadful school hours can be very stressful on her

Her emotional needs are facing starvation which shows up as anger and tantrums

To bring it to a place where it can be handled, she needs to feel hope and believe that you and your wife are around for her.

Start by:

  • Talking a lot to her and reassuring her that you both are there for her no matter what
  • No guilt buying of gadgets or otherwise to make up for your absence as it gives out the wrong message
  • Appointing a caregiver who is equipped to be with children her age (preferably an older lady) OR a grandparent who is physically and emotionally able to be a child of age 8
  • Use weekends to only be with her no matter what. Extended family and friends can wait; your daughter is your priority
  • Look into her eyes and say: I love you and hug her a lot; this is not a gesture but a lifeline to children facing parental neglect

Do this for the next couple of weeks and if nothing changes, kindly seek professional help.

This is not to send you on a guilt trip, but to sensitize you that a child needs a lot of attention and eye to detail in the family set up when both parents are working. So, step up to it NOW.

Best wishes!

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Aruna

Aruna Agarwal  | Answer  |Ask -

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on Apr 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 21, 2023Hindi
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My five-year-old daughter has just started school. For the first two days she was fine, but after that she started crying the whole time. Her teachers called us, asking us to take her home as she was crying relentlessly. We were even allowed to sit with her at school, but still she refused to go to class. Now, she even refuses to go to school. We push her inside the class but she comes out running moments later. Cries the whole time she is in school, whether we are there or not. We asked her if everything is fine, she only says 'I don't like school, don't like teachers and classmates'. Two of her friends, with whom she plays every evening, are also in the same class. But she refuses to even sit with them in the class. She misbehaves with teachers when forced to sit in the class. Though she apologises later when prompted. One day when we left her in school, we got a call within half an hour that she is showing very violent behaviour, hitting herself against the wall and running towards the school gate. All this made us very frightened as school buses keep coming and going on the main thoroughfare. The school counsellor failed to help. She said my daughter is not responding to counselling. We are absolutely clueless about what to do. Forcing her seems pointless.
Ans: The child seems to have Social Anxiety.However this can be determined by detailed Analysis.
You can start introducing the child to small groups rather than just stopping it. The best is introduce her to different set of people in a group and settings more often.Every behavior shown will have a function which we need to understand well before putting the intervention.

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Dr Aarti Bakshi  | Answer  |Ask -

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My five-year-old child has just started going to school a month ago. She has never been out without her parents. This is her first time outside in a big set up with complete strangers. Initially, she cried a lot and we tried leaving her at school first and then staying with her there for some time. But the school authorities took things in their hands a couple of days ago. My child started sitting in the class and stopped crying, and according to them 'she is fine now'. But she became very quiet after coming back. Her usual playfulness was missing. She was not speaking much and was mostly nodding her head in response when asked anything. Even the things she is usually excited by were not interesting her. She went out to play but came shortly saying 'I am tired'. I took her out and after very long time she started talking normally. I spoke to her teachers and they said we were a bit strict with her today as it was needed. They're saying we should send her to school and this behaviour would be over within a week or so. But my wife and I are very worried that her childhood is being lost in this exercise. What should we do?
Ans: It is trying as a parent to see your child grow and develop in so many ways. It takes a village to bring up a child. Parenting is an art and you learn on the job. Averagely schools build discipline, consistency and hardwork. Parents build social connectedness, and support a child to see the real world. Trust professionals and be there as parents to hug and be hearing ears. But you are a team with the school faculty so you could reach out and connect with them. Hear their views, state yours views positively, and work towards the betterment of your child, trust processes. Children are precious and entry into the real world is tough for any child away from the cocoon of home. You both are her trusted adults, support the teacher to be her trusted adult too. Positive words fun and play are wonderful additions in a child’s life. Revert back with your way forward.

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Hi can you please advice if ISE or Computer Science & Business systems branch is better in NITTE meenakshi college bangalore. Any idea about Faculty for these 2 CS allied branches? How about placement opportunities for ISE & CSBS . Will these CS specialised curriculum at par with CSE Branch? will industry accept CSBS for Software developer roles?
Ans: Narayana, NITTE Meenakshi Institute of Technology offers both Information Science and Engineering (ISE) and Computer Science and Business Systems (CSBS) programs with distinct advantages. ISE, established in 2001, provides a comprehensive software-focused curriculum with NBA Tier-1 accreditation and extensive research opportunities in AI, machine learning, and cybersecurity. The department features experienced faculty including Dr. Mohan SG as Head, with strong industry connections through companies like Unisys and McAfee. CSBS, a newer program developed in collaboration with TCS, combines computer science fundamentals with business systems knowledge, preparing students for NextGen business engineering roles. The curriculum is industry-tailored by TCS experts who conduct periodic sessions on emerging technologies, with faculty trained through TCS's "Train the Trainer" program.

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4. Industry Collaboration: Strong partnerships with TCS for CSBS, Unisys, Dell, Amazon, and Microsoft for placements and internships.

5. Placement Performance: 2024 statistics show ISE achieving 88.37% placement rate with average package Rs 7.2 LPA, while overall institutional placement rate reached 94.3% with highest package Rs 47 LPA.

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Ans: I am going with the assumption you both are adults who are thinking individuals. I am also assuming you are both financially independent.

Families, parents are important and it should be so. I understand parents apprehension, having said this, I do not get it why caste and relationship status as previously married takes precedence over compatibility. One should also realise that every relationship needs working upon by 2 people- there is no certainty if someone gets married within their caste or choice of parents/ family.

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- she is open to take the step upsetting her parents and getting married to you

or

- she and you need to move on and move on in the true sense. which means no connection whatsoever, move out of each other's social media, block contact details and move on, heal yourself and find someone else.

in case you wish to connect you may schedule an interaction with me here https://andwemet.com/relationship-guidance

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