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My 5-Year-Old Daughter is Terrified of Loud Noises and Voices: How Can I Help Her?

Aruna Agarwal |79 Answers |Ask -Follow

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on Dec 18, 2024

Aruna Agarwal is a qualified child psychologist and behaviour therapist with over 20 years of experience.
She has a master’s degree in psychology with a specialisation in behaviour analysis. She focuses on children between the ages of 2-10 years who face challenges related to behaviour, language development or attention issues and providing them with the right life skills.
Agarwal is the owner of Kidzee, a pre-primary school, and Mount Litera Zee School that caters to primary students.... more

Question by Pankaj on Dec 02, 2024Hindi

Hello Aruna, My daughter is 5year old now and she’s very scared of loud noise and voice both.for example loud noise in theatres,DJ’s. Even if we parents or teachers say something at high pitch she got very scared. She’s behave like normal child at home as kids do but in school she almost don’t talk to other children’s around her only answers to teachers if they ask her anything. When we talk to her and ask her why you don’t talk she explains that ma’am says don’t talk, keep quite which teachers generally says to everybody. Due to this she many times refuse to go to school.Her teachers also change frequently, as she get comfortable with a teacher she left the school. Kindly suggest what we should do.

Ans: There can be some sensory issues in children. Many a times Children have some aversion towards loud sounds if they have not been exposed to loud sounds. Instead of just removing the loud sounds,we can try to introduce her to loud sounds which she can bear and gradually increase the decibels. Once she gets used to it . Don't be in haste ,it has to be done gradually. Introduction to small social groups and gradually to bigger group too can be one way to get her comfortable.

DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.

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Question by AC - Nov 08, 2022Hindi

Dear Anu,My second child is 8 years old. She is lovable and kind in heart. Nowadays she talks in a loud voice, not interested in studying, never heeds us. We are both employed and find it difficult to teach her anything as she shows zero interest in studies. We are both mentally stressed with her sound and she never obeys both of us and skips everything by arguing. Since we do not have T.V. she watches mobile and never gives it back when we ask and quarrels with us all the time for mobile. Nowadays I tend to beat her due to her sound. Please advise me to overcome the problem.

Ans:

Dear AC,

Never ever raise your hand on a child! It only makes matters worse…So, kindly refrain from that first.

Now, let’s deal with the challenge at hand. It seems like with both if you out on work, she might feel parental neglect. Who is the primary caregiver now?

I suggest take this seriously. It might require some professional help to handle the situation with a lot of care and expertise.

She is protesting against your absence at home and this neglect that she faces (which I am sure is unintentional from your end), is what comes out as a behavioural tantrum.

Beating is not the solution. Understanding the situation for what it is, is the solution.

Your daughter needs love and care from both her parents

She did not have enough knowledge or understanding that both her parents will be out on work

No other primary caregiver (assuming there is none or is ineffective) is around to hold space for her at her age

The absence of parents at home after dreadful school hours can be very stressful on her

Her emotional needs are facing starvation which shows up as anger and tantrums

To bring it to a place where it can be handled, she needs to feel hope and believe that you and your wife are around for her.

Start by:

Talking a lot to her and reassuring her that you both are there for her no matter what
No guilt buying of gadgets or otherwise to make up for your absence as it gives out the wrong message
Appointing a caregiver who is equipped to be with children her age (preferably an older lady) OR a grandparent who is physically and emotionally able to be a child of age 8
Use weekends to only be with her no matter what. Extended family and friends can wait; your daughter is your priority
Look into her eyes and say: I love you and hug her a lot; this is not a gesture but a lifeline to children facing parental neglect

Do this for the next couple of weeks and if nothing changes, kindly seek professional help.

This is not to send you on a guilt trip, but to sensitize you that a child needs a lot of attention and eye to detail in the family set up when both parents are working. So, step up to it NOW.

Best wishes!

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Aruna Agarwal |79 Answers |Ask -Follow

Child and Parenting Counsellor - Answered on Apr 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 21, 2023Hindi

My five-year-old daughter has just started school. For the first two days she was fine, but after that she started crying the whole time. Her teachers called us, asking us to take her home as she was crying relentlessly. We were even allowed to sit with her at school, but still she refused to go to class. Now, she even refuses to go to school. We push her inside the class but she comes out running moments later. Cries the whole time she is in school, whether we are there or not. We asked her if everything is fine, she only says 'I don't like school, don't like teachers and classmates'. Two of her friends, with whom she plays every evening, are also in the same class. But she refuses to even sit with them in the class. She misbehaves with teachers when forced to sit in the class. Though she apologises later when prompted. One day when we left her in school, we got a call within half an hour that she is showing very violent behaviour, hitting herself against the wall and running towards the school gate. All this made us very frightened as school buses keep coming and going on the main thoroughfare. The school counsellor failed to help. She said my daughter is not responding to counselling. We are absolutely clueless about what to do. Forcing her seems pointless.

Ans: The child seems to have Social Anxiety.However this can be determined by detailed Analysis.
You can start introducing the child to small groups rather than just stopping it. The best is introduce her to different set of people in a group and settings more often.Every behavior shown will have a function which we need to understand well before putting the intervention.

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