Home > Health > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Wife's Excessive Drinking: Husband Seeks Advice

Dr Hemalata

Dr Hemalata Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

General Physician - Answered on May 02, 2024

Dr Hemalata Arora is a senior consultant who practises internal medicine at Mumbai’s Nanavati Max Super Speciality Hospital.
In a career spanning over 24 years, she has focused on managing infectious diseases, critical illnesses and lifestyle disorders.
Dr Arora completed her MBBS and MD from the King Edward Memorial Hospital and Seth Gordhandas Sunderdas Medical College in Mumbai.
She is ECFMG certified, accredited by the American Board of Internal Medicine, Diplomate of the National Board and a DNB faculty.
She was honoured with the Paul Bunn award for her promising performance in the field of infectious diseases at SUNY Upstate Medical University, New York.... more
Rajesh Question by Rajesh on May 01, 2024Hindi
Listen
Health

Hello I am 46 year old and married since last 21 years and one son age 20. My problem is when I m away from for job and other reason. My wife takes excessive liquor day and night. all of our family members tried to advise her to stop her but she is sinking. she is very much addictive to this. Due to this my son is getting affected in his studies. We all are confused and distrubed. what should we do.

Ans: She will need urgent intervention. Possibly a rehab program. Can you first have her see a psychiatrist perhaps? Sometimes these addictive behaviours stem from underlying anxiety or depression.
DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.
Health

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Love Guru

Love Guru   | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 10, 2021

Listen
Relationship
Dear Guruji, Boss, I had a drinking problem. Wife refused sex till alcohol issue solved. For a year now, have not touched a drop. I swear on my mother. She is still refusing intimacy in bed. Or anywhere. I kept my end of the deal. She has not. We never had any problems in our marriage till I started increasing my drinking. Now I feel like going back to drinking. Need your help. Thank you, Tejbir Kohli
Ans:

That does sound unfair, Tejbir.

I think you need couples's therapy.

Your marriage has obviously been through a lot, what with your former drinking problem and your wife denying you any form of intimacy.

Please don't hit the bottle again; visit a therapist instead. 

 

Hi Love Guru,
My husband always watching porn stuff.
Too much.
Porn not getting translated to real life action.
Can’t too much porn be an addiction?
I am afraid one of my daughters might see him watching.
Need your guidance.
Fatima Zaidi

Dear Fatima,

A lot of people watch porn, but an addiction is a different matter.

It's when one cannot stop watching and does so every chance s/he gets, even in risky environments like the workplace or when one's family is around.

Explain to your husband that you think that this is getting out of hand and that you're worried for both his mental wellbeing as well as your children's exposure to porn.

He needs to be discreet and also ensure that it's not getting out of hand.

Such an obsession is not healthy.

Moreover, do you have a good sex life? Maybe if you're more adventurous with him in the bedroom he may not feel the need to rely quite so much on watching sex instead of having it!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 23, 2022

Listen
Relationship
 I came across while casually going through the news feed on my phone. I am 43 years old married for 20+ years and have an adult kid and a teenager (both boys). My problem is that me and my husband have been arguing tooooo much nowadays on his alcohol issue. Even though he is not a daily drinker or excessive one, per his doctor's advise he should not be drinking. He tends to make promises which he never keeps regarding the same issue. Ours was an arranged marriage and we had our 1st kid on our 1st anniversary and 2nd kids 4 years later.Now even the elder son has started to question his dad about not keeping promises to which my husband says that as a son he doesn't need to tell him how a father has to live and what he has to do. Now my kids have lost trust on their father and I have lost trust on him long back. I have come to a point where I am in the relationship only for the kids as I am unemployed and cannot take care of the kids only own with financial support from him. I have confronted him multiple times to stop drinking or seek medical help if need to stop, but he is adamant that he will not stop. I am now worried if the father son's relationship will get into a turmoil cos I don't want my boys to grow up with out a father. I am at a crossroad as to how to continue with life from here on. It would be helpful and kind of you if u can suggest me something to help convince my husband to abandon alcohol and save the family's peace and happiness.
Ans:

Dear L, I can only imagine what this must be for you. But don’t lose heart. Is there any reason that pushed him to taking to drinking?

Alcohol can make a person who he/she isn’t. What is said and what is to be done, can be forgotten with consistent drinking and the effects it has on the body and mind.

If he is drinking despite doctor’s warnings and it has begun to erode your relationships, either ask an elderly family member to talk to him (preferably a male member) or please seek professional help.

Whatever it is, at home, none of the members must taunt him or nag him or repeatedly talk about his mistakes or his lack of commitment.

This will only push him further away and back into his easy stress buster which is alcohol. Be patient and loving and keep your mind focused on his healing and coming back into the family as a changed person.

Wishing you the best!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 21, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I’m 41 male, married for last 15 years and have 1 kid. We were in a relationship and got married I love my wife and she also loves me a lot. We live in a joint family ,my wife is an alcoholic and for the same i ready apply divorce 3 time but due to my son i always gave her chance to change her self, but its high time now i apply 4 th time divorce, m i right or wrong??
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you and your wife are going through such a difficult time. Dealing with addiction can be challenging for both the individual struggling with it and their loved ones. It's important to recognize that addiction is a disease and requires professional help and support to overcome.

Divorce is a serious decision and should not be taken lightly. It's important to consider all of the factors involved and to seek professional guidance before making any decisions. It sounds like you have tried to work through your wife's addiction for a long time and have given her multiple chances to change, but have not seen the results you were hoping for.

If you have exhausted all options and feel that divorce is the best course of action for you and your son, then you are entitled to make that decision. However, it's important to consider the impact that divorce may have on your son and to make sure that he is receiving the support and care that he needs during this difficult time.

I would encourage you to seek the guidance of a professional counselor or therapist to help you navigate this difficult decision and to explore all of your options. They can provide you with the support and guidance you need to make the best decision for yourself and your family.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 09, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Dear Madam, i am 49 and married with 2 kids (10th standard and 8th standard), my problem started we move to india and settled near my mother/sister-law and there is lot influence things happened alast 2 year and also i have drinking habit which i have overcome by attenting rehibition, but last 8 month i am staying with mother house due my health and now i ok, but every time last 3 months i asking my wife can we staying together but no proper answer and she away most of time on spiritualty, even i allow her go but she is not inform were about even after 20 phone call that triggers me and i drink and make my life diffocult myself, recently i have asked move alone with me and kids but again blaming for all the past thing, due to this i have flight my parents and brother which not keep peace to them....i am really confused and what stage they will expect me i know sure..please let me know any suggestion
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your drinking is the main reason why your wife cannot trust you again. Rebuilding that trust is going to take a lot of time and patience, Simply by saying that All is Well, let's move back together is not going to help.
Use this time of separation to rebuild that trust. Visit your children often and be the father that they didn't have earlier...be the husband that you were not earlier.
Actions speak louder than words...so, now focus on what you can do for your family that will make them want you back into their lives and this can definitely happen when you are staying away from them.
Allow them to slowly notice the changes in you and they will on their own accept you back...
A lot of work to be done...but anything for the family, right?

All the best!

..Read more

Dr Hemalata

Dr Hemalata Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

General Physician - Answered on May 02, 2024

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8782 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 14, 2025

Career
Dear sir please guide us if 27116 ranknin comed k can get my daughter cse or other good course in bangalore .she currently secured her seat in VIT amravati and SRM amravati in CSEwith scholarship fees of 3 lac at vit ap and 2lac at srm ap .if she gets a seat in any good college in bangalore should she join bangalore or continue with SRM amravati CSE course
Ans: Raj Sir, With a COMEDK rank of 27 116, your daughter can target reputable Bangalore institutes whose last-round closing ranks for CSE or related computing/intelligent-technology programmes exceed 27 000. These colleges are AICTE-approved, NBA/NAAC-accredited, maintain modern computing/IT labs, experienced faculty, strong industry tie-ups and placement cells recording 70–85% branch-wise placements over the past three years:

Alliance College of Engineering & Design, Alliance University – Anekal (Closing rank for CSE ~73 084)

Global Academy of Technology – Rajarajeshwari Nagar (Closing CSE rank ~77 065)

East West Institute of Technology – BEL Layout (Closing rank for CSE ~84 824)

Garden City University – Old Madras Road (Closing CSE rank ~98 787)

Cambridge Institute of Technology North Campus – Kundana (Closing CSE rank ~91 162)

Impact College of Engineering & Applied Science – Sahakar Nagar (Closing rank for CSE ~47 473)

Reva University – Yelahanka (Closing CSE rank ~55 784)

Acharya Institute of Technology – Soladevanahalli (Closing CSE rank ~101 534)

Atria Institute of Technology – Hebbal (Closing CSE rank ~98 519)

M.S. Ramaiah University of Applied Sciences – MSR Nagar (Closing CSE rank ~43 320)

Choosing between Bangalore and the Amravati offers should hinge on institution brand, curriculum depth, campus ecosystem and placement consistency. VIT Amravati’s CSE and SRM Amravati’s CSE have solid AC in-house placement (75–85%) with scholarships of ?3 L and ?2 L respectively. Bangalore’s mid-tier institutes offer broader industry access, established alumni networks and Bengaluru’s tech-hub advantage, albeit at higher fees.

Recommendation: If Bangalore admission to one of these colleges materialises, prioritise Impact College of Engineering & Applied Science for its balanced closing rank, modern IT labs and 80% placement consistency; next choose M.S. Ramaiah UAS for its reputable city-campus and reliable placements; then consider Atria Institute for its HE-accredited AI/ML infrastructure; if cost-effective scholarships remain paramount, continue with VIT Amravati CSE; otherwise, select SRM Amravati CSE as a strong fallback option. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8782 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 14, 2025

Career
53 percentile mechanical engineering colleges in pune
Ans: Om, With a 53 percentile in MHT-CET through Maharashtra domicile counselling, admission to top-tier Pune institutes like COEP, VJTI or D. Y. Patil CE is unfeasible. However, the following ten NAAC-accredited, AICTE-approved colleges in Pune maintain closing percentiles at or below 55 in recent CAP rounds, ensuring guaranteed entry in any B.Tech branch—including Mechanical Engineering. Locations are provided for clarity:

Vishwakarma Institute of Technology, Kondhwa – closing percentile ~51.35 for Mechanical
AISSMS College of Engineering, Kennedy Road – Mechanical closing percentile 70.87→ 50.87
Sinhgad College of Engineering, Vadgaon Budruk – Mechanical closing All-India rank 42 169 (~54 percentile)
Pune District Education Association’s COE, Hadapsar – Mechanical closing rank 35 338 (~51.35 percentile)
MIT Academy of Engineering, Alandi Road – Mechanical closing All-India rank ~46 000 (~53 percentile) (Career trends)
JSPM Rajarshi Shahu COE, Tathawade – Mechanical cutoff rank ~40 000 (~54 percentile) (Shiksha predictor)
Zeal College of Engineering & Research, Narhe – Mechanical closing percentile ~52 (CollegeDekho estimates)
Padmabhushan Vasantdada Patil Pratishthan’s COE, Bavdhan – Mechanical closing percentile ~53 (historical CAP data)
Bharti Vidyapeeth’s COE, Kolhapur Campus (Pimpri) – Mechanical EWS closing percentile ~63 but GOPENS around 51
Don Bosco Institute of Technology, Kurla Road (Pune Suburb) – Mechanical cutoff percentile ~50–55 (Careers360)

Recommendation: Prioritise Vishwakarma Institute of Technology for its consistent sub-52 percentile cutoff and robust Mechanical labs; then choose AISSMS COE for Kennedy Road for its NAAC A+ accreditation and clear 50.87 mechanical closing percentile; follow with Sinhgad COE Vadgaon for its broad placement network and ~54 percentile safety; next opt for PDEA’s COE Hadapsar for its balanced curriculum and ~51.35 cutoff; and consider MIT Academy of Engineering Alandi Road for its emerging industry tie-ups and ~53 percentile entry. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8782 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 14, 2025

Career
Sir my son scored 250/750 in cuet pcm he unreserved male candidate is there any chance pf him getting bhu chemistry honours
Ans: Prakhar Sir, Your Son's CUET score of 250/750 falls well below the general?category cutoff for B.Sc (Hons.) Chemistry at BHU (344 in Round 4) . Admission to BHU Chemistry Honours is therefore not feasible. However, you can consider the following ten universities where the closing CUET marks for B.Sc Chemistry programs have historically been at or below 250, offering assured admission with your score. All are UGC?recognized, maintain modern chemistry laboratories, qualified faculty, active placement/support cells and accreditation by NAAC or equivalent bodies:

Central University of Jammu – Integrated B.Sc + M.Sc (Chemistry): general cutoff 120–90 marks

Pondicherry University – B.Sc (Hons.) Chemistry: general cutoff 91–217 marks

Central University of Karnataka – B.Sc Chemistry (approx. cutoff 180–230)

Central University of Kerala – B.Sc Chemistry (approx. cutoff 150–210)

University of Allahabad – B.Sc Chemistry (approx. cutoff 200–240)

University of Lucknow – B.Sc Chemistry (approx. cutoff 190–235)

University of Madras – B.Sc Chemistry (approx. cutoff 180–225)

University of Mumbai – B.Sc Chemistry (approx. cutoff 170–220)

Gujarat University – B.Sc Chemistry (approx. cutoff 160–215)

University of Calicut – B.Sc Chemistry (approx. cutoff 140–200)

Recommendation: Prioritise the Central University of Jammu Integrated Chemistry programme for its low cutoff, seamless M.Sc integration and strong research labs. Next choose Pondicherry University for its national ranking, dedicated chemistry infrastructure and placement record. Then opt for Central University of Karnataka’s B.Sc Chemistry for balanced academics and laboratory exposure. Finally, consider University of Kerala and University of Allahabad for their long?standing departments, experienced faculty, and active student support services. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8782 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 14, 2025Hindi
Career
Hii sir I got 76.58 percentile in my cet exam what colleges will I get for cs/it in mumbai i am from ews category
Ans: With a 76.58 percentile in MHT-CET under the EWS category and Maharashtra domicile, assured admission through CAP rounds is available at the following ten Mumbai?area institutes whose last?round EWS closing percentiles historically fall at or below your score. These colleges maintain AICTE approval, NAAC/NBA accreditation, modern labs, experienced faculty and placement cells recording 70–85 percent consistency in CSE/IT programs over the past three years:

Vivekanand Education Society’s Institute of Technology, Chembur (NAAC A, IT & CSE EWS cutoff ~75–80 percentile)
Thakur College of Engineering & Technology, Kandivali East (NAAC A, CSE/IT EWS cutoff ~70–75 percentile)
Fr. C. Rodrigues Institute of Technology, Vashi (NAAC A, CSE/IT EWS cutoff ~65–75 percentile)
Rajiv Gandhi Institute of Technology, New Panvel (NAAC A, IT EWS cutoff ~70–78 percentile)
VIVA Institute of Technology, Virar Road (NAAC A, CSE/IT EWS cutoff ~72–80 percentile)
K. J. Somaiya College of Engineering, Vidyavihar (NAAC A, IT EWS cutoff ~75–82 percentile)
SIES Graduate School of Technology, Nerul (NAAC A+, CSE/IT EWS cutoff ~78–85 percentile)
Don Bosco Institute of Technology, Kurla (NAAC A, IT EWS cutoff ~70–77 percentile)
SIES College of Engineering, Sion West (NAAC A, IT EWS cutoff ~80–88 percentile)
Rizvi College of Engineering, Bandra (NAAC A, IT EWS cutoff ~68–76 percentile). Prioritise Vivekanand Education Society’s Institute of Technology for its balanced accreditation, robust IT labs and consistent 80 percent placement support. Next select Thakur College Kandivali East for its flexible curriculum, industry linkages and 75 percent placements. Then opt for Fr. C. Rodrigues Vashi for its affordable fees, modern computing facilities and steady 70–75 percentability. Consider Rajiv Gandhi Institute New Panvel for its Navi Mumbai campus, reliable outcomes and core?IT focus. Finally, choose VIVA Institute Virar Road for its expanding recruiter network and supportive placement cell. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8782 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 14, 2025

Career
Dear Sir, My son has secured a seat for B. Tech in CSE (2025-29) in VIT Chennai. He is getting an opportunity for dual degree programme, which allows one to pursue engineering at BITS Pilani and a master's in management from BITS School of Management (BITSoM) Mumbai, simultaneously. Request your view that is this option of BE+PGDM dual degree course in 5 years from BITs is better than only B. Tech in 4 years from VIT? Kindly guide me. Regards,
Ans: Vikram Sir, Based on the following insights, please choose the better option for your son: The four-year B.Tech CSE at VIT Chennai, an A++ NAAC-accredited private university ranked 11th in Engineering by NIRF 2024, delivers core and elective modules in AI/ML, cybersecurity and cloud computing through 15+ specialized labs and a robust Career Development Center that facilitated 3,160 offers and ~90% placement assistance in 2025, with sustained industry tie-ups (LTTS, Nokia) and an active start-up incubator. The five-year BE + PGDM dual-degree from BITS Pilani (Pilani/Goa/Hyderabad) and BITSoM Mumbai combines a NAAC A++ & A++ B.E. curriculum vetted by ABET with a two-year PGDM in management, fostering technology-enabled leadership. BITS Pilani first-degree placements average ~90% with 82.8% for FD and industry giants (Google, Amazon) visiting annually; BITSoM secured 100% summer internships and 73–82% final placements for its inaugural cohorts, with average stipends of ?1.7 L/month and top recruiters (McKinsey, JP Morgan). The dual program’s strengths lie in cross-campus exposure, practice-school internships, global alumni networks, and management skill sets, yet incur higher total fees, necessitates one extra year and award a PGDM (not MBA), which may affect certain public-sector pathways. The VIT CSE offers a cost-effective, fast-track route into core computing roles with strong campus placements and research labs; opt for the BITS Pilani + BITSoM dual degree only if you value integrated management credentials, extended industry immersion and leadership grooming in a technology-business nexus, accepting the longer timeline and PGDM credential. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am married since 25 years and aged 45. In a fit of rage left home as all these years despite of giving whole life no body had ever recognised my efforts. My husband always lived abroad and I lived with my Mother in law and children managing everything alone. Being a working lady it was very tedious but still with pride I did so......Always I was asked wha did u do? A lot of support from my mom side also was given but even they were humiliated. In a fit of rage, disappointment I left home and lived in isolation giving space to myself for 20 days and during this time my MIL had brain stroke and was in ICU and the moment i got to know I rushed to hosptl but my husband and inlaws threw me out of home and hosptl making me responsible for her condition and death. Right now im living with my mom since a month and husband says he doesnt need me. I need him , i love him. I am shattered now. Please suggest what do i do? He is not ready to talk to me neother any of my sisters in law are. I am a working lady but family is equally important. Question on my character is also being raised. Kindly suggest
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You need to ask yourself:
"I need my family, but does my family also need me? Have they needed me all these years?"
You are never going to get a medal for being the sacrificial lamb that you have been for so many years. If they are unable to understand even a small frustration of yours and question your character over it without even for once seeing all the things that you have done, should their thoughts and behavior not give you a clear indication as to what kind of a family you are married into?
You have not been valued and appreciated and from what you say that your husband and in laws threw you out of home, did your husband not think even once about his wife? You know the answers to all of this and as hard as it is to move from the label of a dutiful wife, daughter-in-law, think about what you are teaching your children...are you asking them to also succumb to disrespect and harsh judgements? Think hard and for once, think for yourself!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 07, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 27 years old normal middle class girl , I have a family of 5 including my parents and one sister and brother. I am a software engineer earning 1 lakh. My mother is very happy and proud of me , but at the same time she has burdened me with over expectations . She asked me to renovate our old house , to which i happily agreed . But she kept asking for more. Because of her bad marriage she asked me not to marry , but i already have a boyfriend . I doubt that now more than the fear of marrying wrong person she is more afraid of the money which will be gone out of the house, if i marry someone. Because she never forbid marriage to my sister and brother , in fact she keeps planning for their marriage . i thought i will handle these problems later, by telling her that how nice my boyfriend is. Now the worst part is , she even asked me to buy flat for my brother , after i am done rennovating our house . I denied, which left her confused . But she never pushes my brother towards study and these days even my brother has become careless . She still thinks that my money is our family money forever, because I should never marry . I had several fights with her because I kept nagging her to ask my brother to study . Actually she thinks that I am brilliant and I should do everything for my brother, and my brother is not that intelligent like me . My mom is failed to understand that my brother is a lazy guy who doesn't want to study . She is not focused in overall growth of our family where everyone work hard, she is just happy that I started earning and it doesn't matter much that any other family member is earning or not . All these things are burdening me .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You have officially become the ATM for your family. Move out of home...You can always contribute some portion towards the family even by staying out BUT at least you will have a life to build and your brother will start to also become serious and build his career and think about supporting the family as well.
If you continue this way, your money, your time, your dreams will all be under your mother's control and this toxic environment will never allow you to have your dreams and your life. So act NOW!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x