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Wife's Excessive Drinking: Husband Seeks Advice

Dr Hemalata

Dr Hemalata Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

General Physician - Answered on May 02, 2024

Dr Hemalata Arora is a senior consultant who practises internal medicine at Mumbai’s Nanavati Max Super Speciality Hospital.
In a career spanning over 24 years, she has focused on managing infectious diseases, critical illnesses and lifestyle disorders.
Dr Arora completed her MBBS and MD from the King Edward Memorial Hospital and Seth Gordhandas Sunderdas Medical College in Mumbai.
She is ECFMG certified, accredited by the American Board of Internal Medicine, Diplomate of the National Board and a DNB faculty.
She was honoured with the Paul Bunn award for her promising performance in the field of infectious diseases at SUNY Upstate Medical University, New York.... more
Rajesh Question by Rajesh on May 01, 2024Hindi
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Health

Hello I am 46 year old and married since last 21 years and one son age 20. My problem is when I m away from for job and other reason. My wife takes excessive liquor day and night. all of our family members tried to advise her to stop her but she is sinking. she is very much addictive to this. Due to this my son is getting affected in his studies. We all are confused and distrubed. what should we do.

Ans: She will need urgent intervention. Possibly a rehab program. Can you first have her see a psychiatrist perhaps? Sometimes these addictive behaviours stem from underlying anxiety or depression.
DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.
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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

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Dear Guruji, Boss, I had a drinking problem. Wife refused sex till alcohol issue solved. For a year now, have not touched a drop. I swear on my mother. She is still refusing intimacy in bed. Or anywhere. I kept my end of the deal. She has not. We never had any problems in our marriage till I started increasing my drinking. Now I feel like going back to drinking. Need your help. Thank you, Tejbir Kohli
Ans:

That does sound unfair, Tejbir.

I think you need couples's therapy.

Your marriage has obviously been through a lot, what with your former drinking problem and your wife denying you any form of intimacy.

Please don't hit the bottle again; visit a therapist instead. 

 

Hi Love Guru,
My husband always watching porn stuff.
Too much.
Porn not getting translated to real life action.
Can’t too much porn be an addiction?
I am afraid one of my daughters might see him watching.
Need your guidance.
Fatima Zaidi

Dear Fatima,

A lot of people watch porn, but an addiction is a different matter.

It's when one cannot stop watching and does so every chance s/he gets, even in risky environments like the workplace or when one's family is around.

Explain to your husband that you think that this is getting out of hand and that you're worried for both his mental wellbeing as well as your children's exposure to porn.

He needs to be discreet and also ensure that it's not getting out of hand.

Such an obsession is not healthy.

Moreover, do you have a good sex life? Maybe if you're more adventurous with him in the bedroom he may not feel the need to rely quite so much on watching sex instead of having it!

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 21, 2023Hindi
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I’m 41 male, married for last 15 years and have 1 kid. We were in a relationship and got married I love my wife and she also loves me a lot. We live in a joint family ,my wife is an alcoholic and for the same i ready apply divorce 3 time but due to my son i always gave her chance to change her self, but its high time now i apply 4 th time divorce, m i right or wrong??
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you and your wife are going through such a difficult time. Dealing with addiction can be challenging for both the individual struggling with it and their loved ones. It's important to recognize that addiction is a disease and requires professional help and support to overcome.

Divorce is a serious decision and should not be taken lightly. It's important to consider all of the factors involved and to seek professional guidance before making any decisions. It sounds like you have tried to work through your wife's addiction for a long time and have given her multiple chances to change, but have not seen the results you were hoping for.

If you have exhausted all options and feel that divorce is the best course of action for you and your son, then you are entitled to make that decision. However, it's important to consider the impact that divorce may have on your son and to make sure that he is receiving the support and care that he needs during this difficult time.

I would encourage you to seek the guidance of a professional counselor or therapist to help you navigate this difficult decision and to explore all of your options. They can provide you with the support and guidance you need to make the best decision for yourself and your family.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1592 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 09, 2023Hindi
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Dear Madam, i am 49 and married with 2 kids (10th standard and 8th standard), my problem started we move to india and settled near my mother/sister-law and there is lot influence things happened alast 2 year and also i have drinking habit which i have overcome by attenting rehibition, but last 8 month i am staying with mother house due my health and now i ok, but every time last 3 months i asking my wife can we staying together but no proper answer and she away most of time on spiritualty, even i allow her go but she is not inform were about even after 20 phone call that triggers me and i drink and make my life diffocult myself, recently i have asked move alone with me and kids but again blaming for all the past thing, due to this i have flight my parents and brother which not keep peace to them....i am really confused and what stage they will expect me i know sure..please let me know any suggestion
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your drinking is the main reason why your wife cannot trust you again. Rebuilding that trust is going to take a lot of time and patience, Simply by saying that All is Well, let's move back together is not going to help.
Use this time of separation to rebuild that trust. Visit your children often and be the father that they didn't have earlier...be the husband that you were not earlier.
Actions speak louder than words...so, now focus on what you can do for your family that will make them want you back into their lives and this can definitely happen when you are staying away from them.
Allow them to slowly notice the changes in you and they will on their own accept you back...
A lot of work to be done...but anything for the family, right?

All the best!

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Dr Hemalata

Dr Hemalata Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

General Physician - Answered on May 02, 2024

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1561 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Apr 24, 2025

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Sir my daughter is doing Btech EEE at BIT Mesra Patna campus , she is securing 8 CGPA there . She is little bit upset due to poor placement there , what to do
Ans: Hello Alok.
Nothing will happen with an upset mood, and there is no point in blaming the institute at this stage. It is better to search for another path while completing the B.Tech. @ BIT Mesra. Here are a few suggestions for your daughter: (1) Start preparing for the GATE exam, which opens the doors for MTech at IITs/NITs or PSU jobs (like BHEL, NTPC, ONGC). (2) Focus on GRE and MBA (3) Join online Platforms: Coursera, NPTEL, Udemy, LinkedIn for advanced learning techniques related with EEE and CSE (4) Focus on Off-Campus Job Preparation, in which she can prepare for Aptitude, Coding, Core concepts etc (5) While in final year, create accounts on LinkedIn, Indeed, AngelList, naukri.com etc/ (5) If possible, join CDAC (Centre for Development of Advanced Computing) offer excellent 6-month PG diplomas with placement support (great ROI).(6) Talk to seniors/alumni for realistic inspiration and off-campus job guidance. (7) Consider a mock placement drive or aptitude training course in the final year.
Best of luck to your daughter for her upcoming bright future.
Follow me if you like the reply. Thanks
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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4453 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 23, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 23, 2025
Career
My daughter 90percentile in jee mains 2025,and puc board exam 95.6 percentage and kcet is 101 marks we are obc ncl and catgory 1 reservation can we get nit surathkal college for admission or other top 3 college in bangalore and she want to take jee advance 2025 , which branchas scope and high package
Ans: As far as KCET is concerned,? here are the some approximate expected KCET opening and closing ranks for the OBC-NCL category across four top engineering colleges in Bengaluru:?

RV College of Engineering (RVCE)
Computer Science & Engineering: Opening – 2,000 | Closing – 3,000
Electronics & Communication Engineering: Opening – 2,500 | Closing – 3,500
Electrical & Electronics Engineering: Opening – 3,000 | Closing – 4,500
Mechanical Engineering: Opening – 4,000 | Closing – 6,000
Civil Engineering: Opening – 5,000 | Closing – 7,000?

BMS College of Engineering (BMSCE)
Computer Science & Engineering: Opening – 2,500 | Closing – 4,000
Electronics & Communication Engineering: Opening – 3,000 | Closing – 5,000
Electrical & Electronics Engineering: Opening – 4,500 | Closing – 6,500
Mechanical Engineering: Opening – 6,000 | Closing – 8,000
Civil Engineering: Opening – 7,000 | Closing – 9,000?

M S Ramaiah Institute of Technology (MSRIT)
Computer Science & Engineering: Opening – 2,200 | Closing – 3,800
Electronics & Communication Engineering: Opening – 3,500 | Closing – 5,500
Electrical & Electronics Engineering: Opening – 5,000 | Closing – 7,000
Mechanical Engineering: Opening – 6,500 | Closing – 8,500
Civil Engineering: Opening – 7,500 | Closing – 9,500?

Dayananda Sagar College of Engineering (DSCE)
Computer Science & Engineering: Opening – 3,000 | Closing – 5,000
Electronics & Communication Engineering: Opening – 4,500 | Closing – 6,500
Electrical & Electronics Engineering: Opening – 6,000 | Closing – 8,000
Mechanical Engineering: Opening – 7,500 | Closing – 9,500
Civil Engineering: Opening – 8,500 | Closing – 10,500?

Note: The above ranks are indicative and based on available data for the OBC-NCL category. Every year, actual cutoffs may vary based on factors like seat availability, reservation policies, and candidate preferences.

?Regarding the chances of getting seats through JEE/JoSAA Counselling, here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Daughter's Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Daughter's Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Her JEE Main percentile
Her category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Her Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Her Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If your daughter is open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select her Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.

Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your daughter's admissions!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4453 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 23, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 23, 2025
Career
I got 98.02%ile in JEE MAINS session 2 . (EWS) Can I get TOP NIT (CSE) ?? EWS RANK 4146
Ans: Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.

Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

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