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Wife's Excessive Drinking: Husband Seeks Advice

Dr Hemalata Arora | Answer |Ask -Follow

General Physician - Answered on May 02, 2024

Dr Hemalata Arora is a senior consultant who practises internal medicine at Mumbai’s Nanavati Max Super Speciality Hospital.
In a career spanning over 24 years, she has focused on managing infectious diseases, critical illnesses and lifestyle disorders.
Dr Arora completed her MBBS and MD from the King Edward Memorial Hospital and Seth Gordhandas Sunderdas Medical College in Mumbai.
She is ECFMG certified, accredited by the American Board of Internal Medicine, Diplomate of the National Board and a DNB faculty.
She was honoured with the Paul Bunn award for her promising performance in the field of infectious diseases at SUNY Upstate Medical University, New York.... more

Question by Rajesh on May 01, 2024Hindi

Hello I am 46 year old and married since last 21 years and one son age 20. My problem is when I m away from for job and other reason. My wife takes excessive liquor day and night. all of our family members tried to advise her to stop her but she is sinking. she is very much addictive to this. Due to this my son is getting affected in his studies. We all are confused and distrubed. what should we do.

Ans: She will need urgent intervention. Possibly a rehab program. Can you first have her see a psychiatrist perhaps? Sometimes these addictive behaviours stem from underlying anxiety or depression.

DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.

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Question by Tejbir - Dec 10, 2021Hindi

Dear Guruji, Boss, I had a drinking problem. Wife refused sex till alcohol issue solved. For a year now, have not touched a drop. I swear on my mother. She is still refusing intimacy in bed. Or anywhere. I kept my end of the deal. She has not. We never had any problems in our marriage till I started increasing my drinking. Now I feel like going back to drinking. Need your help. Thank you, Tejbir Kohli

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That does sound unfair, Tejbir.

I think you need couples's therapy.

Your marriage has obviously been through a lot, what with your former drinking problem and your wife denying you any form of intimacy.

Please don't hit the bottle again; visit a therapist instead.

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My husband always watching porn stuff.
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Dear Fatima,

A lot of people watch porn, but an addiction is a different matter.

It's when one cannot stop watching and does so every chance s/he gets, even in risky environments like the workplace or when one's family is around.

Explain to your husband that you think that this is getting out of hand and that you're worried for both his mental wellbeing as well as your children's exposure to porn.

He needs to be discreet and also ensure that it's not getting out of hand.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 23, 2022

Question by L - Feb 23, 2022Hindi

I came across while casually going through the news feed on my phone. I am 43 years old married for 20+ years and have an adult kid and a teenager (both boys). My problem is that me and my husband have been arguing tooooo much nowadays on his alcohol issue. Even though he is not a daily drinker or excessive one, per his doctor's advise he should not be drinking. He tends to make promises which he never keeps regarding the same issue. Ours was an arranged marriage and we had our 1st kid on our 1st anniversary and 2nd kids 4 years later.Now even the elder son has started to question his dad about not keeping promises to which my husband says that as a son he doesn't need to tell him how a father has to live and what he has to do. Now my kids have lost trust on their father and I have lost trust on him long back. I have come to a point where I am in the relationship only for the kids as I am unemployed and cannot take care of the kids only own with financial support from him. I have confronted him multiple times to stop drinking or seek medical help if need to stop, but he is adamant that he will not stop. I am now worried if the father son's relationship will get into a turmoil cos I don't want my boys to grow up with out a father. I am at a crossroad as to how to continue with life from here on. It would be helpful and kind of you if u can suggest me something to help convince my husband to abandon alcohol and save the family's peace and happiness.

Ans:

Dear L, I can only imagine what this must be for you. But don’t lose heart. Is there any reason that pushed him to taking to drinking?

Alcohol can make a person who he/she isn’t. What is said and what is to be done, can be forgotten with consistent drinking and the effects it has on the body and mind.

If he is drinking despite doctor’s warnings and it has begun to erode your relationships, either ask an elderly family member to talk to him (preferably a male member) or please seek professional help.

Whatever it is, at home, none of the members must taunt him or nag him or repeatedly talk about his mistakes or his lack of commitment.

This will only push him further away and back into his easy stress buster which is alcohol. Be patient and loving and keep your mind focused on his healing and coming back into the family as a changed person.

Wishing you the best!

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