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Anu Krishna1026 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 23, 2022

Asked on - Feb 23, 2022Hindi

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Relationship
 I came across while casually going through the news feed on my phone. I am 43 years old married for 20+ years and have an adult kid and a teenager (both boys).
My problem is that me and my husband have been arguing tooooo much nowadays on his alcohol issue. Even though he is not a daily drinker or excessive one, per his doctor's advise he should not be drinking.
He tends to make promises which he never keeps regarding the same issue.
Ours was an arranged marriage and we had our 1st kid on our 1st anniversary and 2nd kids 4 years later.
Now even the elder son has started to question his dad about not keeping promises to which my husband says that as a son he doesn't need to tell him how a father has to live and what he has to do.
Now my kids have lost trust on their father and I have lost trust on him long back.
I have come to a point where I am in the relationship only for the kids as I am unemployed and cannot take care of the kids only own with financial support from him.
I have confronted him multiple times to stop drinking or seek medical help if need to stop, but he is adamant that he will not stop.
I am now worried if the father son's relationship will get into a turmoil cos I don't want my boys to grow up with out a father.
I am at a crossroad as to how to continue with life from here on.
It would be helpful and kind of you if u can suggest me something to help convince my husband to abandon alcohol and save the family's peace and happiness.

Ans:

Dear L, I can only imagine what this must be for you. But don’t lose heart. Is there any reason that pushed him to taking to drinking?

Alcohol can make a person who he/she isn’t. What is said and what is to be done, can be forgotten with consistent drinking and the effects it has on the body and mind.

If he is drinking despite doctor’s warnings and it has begun to erode your relationships, either ask an elderly family member to talk to him (preferably a male member) or please seek professional help.

Whatever it is, at home, none of the members must taunt him or nag him or repeatedly talk about his mistakes or his lack of commitment.

This will only push him further away and back into his easy stress buster which is alcohol. Be patient and loving and keep your mind focused on his healing and coming back into the family as a changed person.

Wishing you the best!

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