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Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 10, 2021

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Tejbir Question by Tejbir on Dec 10, 2021Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Guruji,
Boss, I had a drinking problem.
Wife refused sex till alcohol issue solved.
For a year now, have not touched a drop. I swear on my mother.
She is still refusing intimacy in bed. Or anywhere.
I kept my end of the deal.
She has not.
We never had any problems in our marriage till I started increasing my drinking.
Now I feel like going back to drinking.
Need your help.
Thank you,
Tejbir Kohli

Ans:

That does sound unfair, Tejbir.

I think you need couples's therapy.

Your marriage has obviously been through a lot, what with your former drinking problem and your wife denying you any form of intimacy.

Please don't hit the bottle again; visit a therapist instead. 

 

Hi Love Guru,
My husband always watching porn stuff.
Too much.
Porn not getting translated to real life action.
Can’t too much porn be an addiction?
I am afraid one of my daughters might see him watching.
Need your guidance.
Fatima Zaidi

Dear Fatima,

A lot of people watch porn, but an addiction is a different matter.

It's when one cannot stop watching and does so every chance s/he gets, even in risky environments like the workplace or when one's family is around.

Explain to your husband that you think that this is getting out of hand and that you're worried for both his mental wellbeing as well as your children's exposure to porn.

He needs to be discreet and also ensure that it's not getting out of hand.

Such an obsession is not healthy.

Moreover, do you have a good sex life? Maybe if you're more adventurous with him in the bedroom he may not feel the need to rely quite so much on watching sex instead of having it!

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 20, 2021

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Relationship
Hello. I am 38 years old. I have gone through a very rough patch with my wife. I have two children. Everything is good except, since the last three years, she never wants to be intimate with me. She never hugs/kisses me. She hates it if I hug her or kiss or touch her. However, she take care of my all other things. I have talked to her straight-forwardly about this but she always says, ‘Bus mera dil hi nahi karta (I don’t feel like it).’ I take support of masturbation and other porn things. Even in the night if I touch her, she shouts at me and I get embarrassed in the family as they listen all the shouts in the night. I don’t want to leave her. How can solve it? I have nothing in my mind now. Please help me to come out from the problem. I always care for her and love her. I can’t live without her. Regards Pardeep Suman
Ans:

Hi Pardeep,

Something is definitely weird about your wife being so repelled by the act of physical love, to the point of shouting you away from her!

It could be anything, from feeling self-conscious about her body or some deep-rooted trauma that she’s coping with, or simply that she’s not enjoying sex any more or feels put off by it for some reason.

Is it that she was just tolerating sex even earlier in your marriage and doesn’t feel the need to do so now? Or did she enjoy it before and this phase has come on post having children?

You obviously can’t get through to her, so let a professional try to do so; I’d suggest visiting a marital counsellor as soon as is possible.

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |97 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 21, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I’m 41 male, married for last 15 years and have 1 kid. We were in a relationship and got married I love my wife and she also loves me a lot. We live in a joint family ,my wife is an alcoholic and for the same i ready apply divorce 3 time but due to my son i always gave her chance to change her self, but its high time now i apply 4 th time divorce, m i right or wrong??
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you and your wife are going through such a difficult time. Dealing with addiction can be challenging for both the individual struggling with it and their loved ones. It's important to recognize that addiction is a disease and requires professional help and support to overcome.

Divorce is a serious decision and should not be taken lightly. It's important to consider all of the factors involved and to seek professional guidance before making any decisions. It sounds like you have tried to work through your wife's addiction for a long time and have given her multiple chances to change, but have not seen the results you were hoping for.

If you have exhausted all options and feel that divorce is the best course of action for you and your son, then you are entitled to make that decision. However, it's important to consider the impact that divorce may have on your son and to make sure that he is receiving the support and care that he needs during this difficult time.

I would encourage you to seek the guidance of a professional counselor or therapist to help you navigate this difficult decision and to explore all of your options. They can provide you with the support and guidance you need to make the best decision for yourself and your family.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |836 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 09, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Madam, i am 49 and married with 2 kids (10th standard and 8th standard), my problem started we move to india and settled near my mother/sister-law and there is lot influence things happened alast 2 year and also i have drinking habit which i have overcome by attenting rehibition, but last 8 month i am staying with mother house due my health and now i ok, but every time last 3 months i asking my wife can we staying together but no proper answer and she away most of time on spiritualty, even i allow her go but she is not inform were about even after 20 phone call that triggers me and i drink and make my life diffocult myself, recently i have asked move alone with me and kids but again blaming for all the past thing, due to this i have flight my parents and brother which not keep peace to them....i am really confused and what stage they will expect me i know sure..please let me know any suggestion
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your drinking is the main reason why your wife cannot trust you again. Rebuilding that trust is going to take a lot of time and patience, Simply by saying that All is Well, let's move back together is not going to help.
Use this time of separation to rebuild that trust. Visit your children often and be the father that they didn't have earlier...be the husband that you were not earlier.
Actions speak louder than words...so, now focus on what you can do for your family that will make them want you back into their lives and this can definitely happen when you are staying away from them.
Allow them to slowly notice the changes in you and they will on their own accept you back...
A lot of work to be done...but anything for the family, right?

All the best!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 29, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi Sir. I am 29 years old and have a saving of 5lac now so I want to invest it in lumpsum SIP for 10 years. Could you please suggest me which fund would be better including small, mid and large where I can get over 25 returns
Ans: Investing a lump sum in SIPs for 10 years is a wise move towards building wealth. Considering your age and investment horizon, here's a diversified portfolio suggestion that includes exposure to small, mid, and large-cap stocks:

Large-Cap Fund: Invest a portion of your funds in a reputable large-cap fund known for its consistent performance and stability. Large-cap funds invest in well-established companies with a track record of strong earnings and market leadership.
Mid-Cap Fund: Allocate another portion to a mid-cap fund, which focuses on companies with medium market capitalization. Mid-cap stocks have the potential for higher growth than large-cap stocks but come with higher volatility.
Small-Cap Fund: Lastly, invest in a small-cap fund to capture the growth potential of smaller companies. Small-cap stocks can be more volatile but offer the possibility of significant returns over the long term.
Ensure to select funds with a proven track record, experienced fund managers, and low expense ratios. While aiming for over 25% returns is ambitious, it's crucial to remain realistic and consider the associated risks. Diversification across different market segments can help mitigate risks and enhance potential returns.

Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized advice tailored to your financial goals and risk tolerance. They can help you select suitable funds and construct a well-balanced portfolio aligned with your investment objectives.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 28, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi I'm investing 1500 in nifty mid cap 150 index, 1000 in nifty next 50 index and 500 in nifty 50 index. 100 percent passive investment fpr long term. Any suggestions with allocation or diversification?
Ans: Here's a breakdown of your current portfolio and some thoughts on active vs. passive investing:
Current Portfolio:

Nifty Midcap 150 Index (1500): This is a good way to gain exposure to mid-sized companies in India.
Nifty Next 50 Index (1000): This provides exposure to companies on the cusp of joining the Nifty 50, potentially offering higher growth.
Nifty 50 Index (500): This offers diversification with large, established companies.
Overall, your portfolio is leaning towards a growth strategy with a good focus on mid-cap and small-cap companies. This has the potential for higher returns but also comes with higher risk.

Active vs. Passive Investing:

Active Funds: These are managed by professionals who try to outperform the market by picking winning stocks. While active management can be successful, studies show that over the long term, a large percentage of actively managed funds underperform their benchmark index. The fees associated with active management also eat into returns.

Passive Funds (Index Funds): These track a market index, like the Nifty 50. They offer lower fees and historically, tend to match or outperform a significant portion of actively managed funds. This makes them a good option for long-term investors who don't want to spend a lot of time managing their portfolio.

Here's why your current approach with index funds is a good strategy for long-term investing:

Low Cost: Index funds have minimal fees, allowing you to keep more of your returns.
Diversification: You're already diversified across different market segments, reducing risk.
Long-Term Focus: With a long-term outlook, riding out market fluctuations is easier, and index funds tend to perform well over time.
Here are some additional thoughts:

Asset Allocation: Consider your risk tolerance and investment goals. You could adjust your weightings between the Nifty 50, Next 50, and Midcap 150 to achieve your desired risk profile.
Rebalancing: Periodically rebalance your portfolio to maintain your target asset allocation.
Ultimately, the decision of active vs. passive is yours. However, for a long-term investor with a focus on low costs and diversification, a passive approach with index funds is a well-supported strategy.
Lastly, if you're open to exploring active funds, consider consulting with a professional Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credentials. They can provide personalized advice and recommend active funds that have the potential to outperform their respective indices over time.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 28, 2024Hindi
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Money
Dear sir My sister is a heart patient and spending around Rs 5000 per month.She is a widower and age arround 65. I want to deposit an amount of ? 1500000.00 in her name at Senior citizens scheme apart from already deposited 400000 lac. I put my daughter name, her grandchildren name as nominee. Any hurdles in this one. Please send the reply to me
Ans: It's heartwarming to see your concern for your sister's well-being, especially given her health condition. Depositing an additional amount in her name under the Senior Citizens Savings Scheme (SCSS) can indeed provide her with financial security during her retirement years.

As for the nomination process, nominating your daughter and her grandchildren as beneficiaries is a thoughtful gesture. However, there might be some considerations to keep in mind:

Consent: Ensure that your sister is aware of and agrees to the nomination arrangement. It's essential to respect her wishes and ensure that she is comfortable with the decision.
Legal Requirements: Verify if there are any specific legal requirements or restrictions regarding nominees for SCSS accounts. While nominating family members is common, it's prudent to confirm compliance with applicable regulations.
Contingency Planning: Consider discussing contingency plans with your daughter regarding the management of the funds in case of your sister's demise. This ensures a smooth transition and effective utilization of the funds for your sister's intended beneficiaries.
Documentation: Complete all necessary paperwork accurately and ensure that the nomination details are correctly recorded in the SCSS account documents.
Consulting with a financial advisor or legal expert can provide personalized guidance tailored to your sister's situation and help navigate any potential hurdles or concerns. Your proactive approach to securing your sister's financial future demonstrates care and foresight, and with careful planning, you can ensure that her needs are well-addressed.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 03, 2024

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Money
Hi Vivek my name is Anand and Iam 48 yrs old. I am investing monthly 32165/- in the following funds. DAY AMT SCHEME 1 1000 SBI Small Cap Fund-Direct-Growth 2 1000 Kotak Emerging Equity Fund - Direct Plan - Growth 1000 DSP Midcap Fund-Direct-Growth 1000 Mirae Asset Large Cap Fund Direct Plan Growth 1000 BANDHAN Sterling Value Fund-Growth-(Direct Plan) 6 7 1000 SBI Small Cap Fund-Direct-Growth 8 9 1250 Kotak Emerging Equity Fund - Direct Plan - Growth 10 1250 Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund - Direct Plan - Growth 11 1250 DSP Midcap Fund-Direct-Growth 12 1250 Mirae Asset Large Cap Fund Direct Plan Growth 13 1000 BANDHAN Sterling Value Fund-Growth-(Direct Plan) 14 15 1000 SBI Small Cap Fund-Direct-Growth 16 1250 Kotak Emerging Equity Fund - Direct Plan - Growth 17 1250 DSP Midcap Fund-Direct-Growth 18 1250 Mirae Asset Large Cap Fund Direct Plan Growth 19 1000 BANDHAN Sterling Value Fund-Growth-(Direct Plan) 20 1250 Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund - Direct Plan - Growth 21 1000 SBI Small Cap Fund-Direct-Growth 22 23 24 1000 Kotak Emerging Equity Fund - Direct Plan - Growth 25 1000 DSP Midcap Fund-Direct-Growth 26 1000 SBI Small Cap Fund-Direct-Growth 27 1000 BANDHAN Sterling Value Fund-Growth-(Direct Plan) 28 1000 Mirae Asset Large Cap Fund Direct Plan Growth I am planning for next 10 years and how much corpus can I get after 10 years.
Ans: Anand! It's great to see your commitment to investing for the future. Planning for the next 10 years is a wise move, and with your regular investments in diversified mutual funds, you're on the right track to building a substantial corpus.

To estimate the potential corpus after 10 years, we need to consider several factors such as the expected average annual return rate of the funds, any additional contributions you may make, and the compounding effect of your investments over time.

Since you've invested in a mix of small-cap, mid-cap, large-cap, and value funds, it indicates a diversified approach aimed at optimizing returns while managing risk.

To provide a precise estimate, it's advisable to use a mutual fund calculator or consult a financial advisor. They can input the specific details of your investments, including the current value, expected returns, and future contributions, to forecast the potential corpus after 10 years.

Remember, while forecasting future returns is essential for planning, it's equally crucial to stay invested consistently, review your portfolio periodically, and make adjustments as needed to stay aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Keep up the disciplined approach to investing, and you'll likely see your investments grow significantly over the next decade.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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