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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 10, 2021

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Tejbir Question by Tejbir on Dec 10, 2021Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Guruji,
Boss, I had a drinking problem.
Wife refused sex till alcohol issue solved.
For a year now, have not touched a drop. I swear on my mother.
She is still refusing intimacy in bed. Or anywhere.
I kept my end of the deal.
She has not.
We never had any problems in our marriage till I started increasing my drinking.
Now I feel like going back to drinking.
Need your help.
Thank you,
Tejbir Kohli

Ans:

That does sound unfair, Tejbir.

I think you need couples's therapy.

Your marriage has obviously been through a lot, what with your former drinking problem and your wife denying you any form of intimacy.

Please don't hit the bottle again; visit a therapist instead. 

 

Hi Love Guru,
My husband always watching porn stuff.
Too much.
Porn not getting translated to real life action.
Can’t too much porn be an addiction?
I am afraid one of my daughters might see him watching.
Need your guidance.
Fatima Zaidi

Dear Fatima,

A lot of people watch porn, but an addiction is a different matter.

It's when one cannot stop watching and does so every chance s/he gets, even in risky environments like the workplace or when one's family is around.

Explain to your husband that you think that this is getting out of hand and that you're worried for both his mental wellbeing as well as your children's exposure to porn.

He needs to be discreet and also ensure that it's not getting out of hand.

Such an obsession is not healthy.

Moreover, do you have a good sex life? Maybe if you're more adventurous with him in the bedroom he may not feel the need to rely quite so much on watching sex instead of having it!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1545 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 09, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Madam, i am 49 and married with 2 kids (10th standard and 8th standard), my problem started we move to india and settled near my mother/sister-law and there is lot influence things happened alast 2 year and also i have drinking habit which i have overcome by attenting rehibition, but last 8 month i am staying with mother house due my health and now i ok, but every time last 3 months i asking my wife can we staying together but no proper answer and she away most of time on spiritualty, even i allow her go but she is not inform were about even after 20 phone call that triggers me and i drink and make my life diffocult myself, recently i have asked move alone with me and kids but again blaming for all the past thing, due to this i have flight my parents and brother which not keep peace to them....i am really confused and what stage they will expect me i know sure..please let me know any suggestion
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your drinking is the main reason why your wife cannot trust you again. Rebuilding that trust is going to take a lot of time and patience, Simply by saying that All is Well, let's move back together is not going to help.
Use this time of separation to rebuild that trust. Visit your children often and be the father that they didn't have earlier...be the husband that you were not earlier.
Actions speak louder than words...so, now focus on what you can do for your family that will make them want you back into their lives and this can definitely happen when you are staying away from them.
Allow them to slowly notice the changes in you and they will on their own accept you back...
A lot of work to be done...but anything for the family, right?

All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |542 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 01, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 23, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Ravi, I am 40 yrs old and have been married to my lwife for 12 years. There has been many issues between us ranging from my family's behaviour towards her, my failures in meeting her expectations especially behavioural patterns/attention. Her complain towards me is that I didn't give her the kind of attention and affection which she deserved. I acknowledge that because I struggled very hard in my initial phase of career. In today's scenario she has totally lost interest in me and get attracted towards men who even shows some attention towards her. This is has happened a couple of times. Whenever I countered her for these incidents she tell that it was I who forced her to do all this. I am ready to commit my efforts to make our relationship better but she says she can't have those kind of feelings again for me. She is under constant stress and anxiety due to this and is affecting her health a lot. She is a good person by nature so I don't want to leave her but considering the toxicity of the relation and her deteriorating health due to this relation I suggested her to get separated but she says that she can't divorce because of family/other issues. I can see her struggle/pain in this forced relationship and wanted to help her but can't find out the way. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that you are in a tricky situation and appreciate that you are putting your partner's needs first. In this situation, there's really no one to blame. You could not give her the attention she deserved but there was always a genuine reason for it. It would have been the right choice to separate since she declared her disinterest in the marriage but even that doesn't seem like an option. There's only one thing left, to peacefully co-exist and continue to put in the effort you couldn't in all those years. Continue to live with mutual respect for the marriage, if not love. Put up some ground rules- things that you are comfortable with her doing and things you aren't; consider going for marriage counseling. Professional help can give you the structured support to bring your marriage back on track, slowly but considerably more than trying your own tricks.

One more thing, don't forget to take care of your mental health. If your wife does not want to seek counseling, you can always go for it. It helps us dig deep and gain clarity over what is important and what should not burden us.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1545 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Relationship
Dear Anu Krishna, I'm 48 married with 2 kids daughter in 10th and son in 5th. Wife works as a VP in a large firm. Since post COVID there has been almost no intimacy. I tried to talk to her and she says that I'm a sex maniac. I said once in six months at least she says not interested. She s fit in good health exercises and all tests are ok. Last year my friend's wife informed me about their private WhatsApp messages and I was shocked. We go on tours and trips and functions and everything externally is normal. I buy her gifts and we go out to restaurants etc. Everything except intimacy. I've tried to talk about 50 times but she doesn't want to talk not seek any help. Infact the signs of this started from 2016. She's 43 now. I m thinking of now seperating from her. Im really fed up. Nothing is working, and she's adamant. I've pulled on for kids but maybe I can be together for a few more years. I can't live with her forever. You generally ask people to get help and talk etc which is done and tried and yet no solution. Can you agree for once that there is a genuine case to not continue It's my life I know but I think I'm 100% right and that i have hit the end of the road. Inhold you in high regard hence writing to you Sameer
Ans: Dear Sachin,
Thank you for your kind and respectful acknowledgement of me.
Now,
You wrote:
Last year my friend's wife informed me about their private WhatsApp messages and I was shocked. - What was shocking? You have not shared this!

Lack of interest in sex can be due to:
- change in hormones
- boredom in the bedroom routine
- lack of intimacy outside the bedroom

Now, what I must agree on is something that we can keep aside, yeah? My job is to try and guide people to put things together of course, if that's what they want. You seem to have already believed that nothing can work; how can anyone guide you? When you claim that you nothing is working, I will still ask you, "How do you know that you have tried everything to know that nothing is working?"

Also, if you have decided to separate, what more can I suggest? You feel that you are 100% right, BUT you know what: If you actually were 100% right, you would not be here checking in with me...Just playing the mirror here for you.
I still would suggest that you work on your marriage; communicate and rebuild...it's a long path BUT the fruits of it can be amazing!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Aamish

Aamish Dhingra  |10 Answers  |Ask -

Life Coach - Answered on Mar 06, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 23, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am a younger sibling and my older sister is out of India post marriage that is since 16 years after her wedding. But now as my luck had it in store, I need to move out of country with my spouse. This puts strain and constraint on how to manage the single living for my mother. She is 79, active but living alone is scary. Right now, we are managing it somehow since I am in the same city and can keep visiting. Also, I will have to quit my well set job and restart a career/studies rather late in life. We have no kids. To this situation, my sister is not reacting well. She is completely blaming me for taking this decision - and it seems judging me at every step. She keeps telling me how a woman needs to continue to earn, not to give up on life, career, money - but she does not understand my life and her life are completely different. She is healthy, wealthy, with kids - i have none of the above. I am tired of talking to her - she does not see any joy in this decision, and seems is also wary of being more responsible towards my mother. She mentions that mother will live with her now - but it is practically not going to happen, we all know that. I do not know what to do? I do respect her, and i know her intentions are honest - but judging me and degrading our decision is too much. I just need to let it be - i mean, even if this decision is failure, it is my failure.
Ans: I hear you - it’s not easy to balance personal aspirations, family responsibilities, and strained relationships. With so many emotions involved, what feels most overwhelming right now? When you think about this move, what does it mean for you and your spouse? Beyond the challenges, what opportunities or growth does it offer? Your concern for your mother is completely valid. What support systems have you considered to ensure her well-being? Are there options you haven’t explored yet? Navigating family tensions can be exhausting. What boundaries might help you protect your well-being while still honoring your responsibilities?
At the end of the day, this is your life and your decision. What would moving forward with clarity and confidence look like for you?

Wishing you success,
Aamish Dhingra
ICF-PCC Certified Life Coach
Co-Founder, Cocoweave Coaching International, Delhi

...Read more

Aamish

Aamish Dhingra  |10 Answers  |Ask -

Life Coach - Answered on Mar 06, 2025

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Relationship
hello sir i am 17 year old girl i was a topper in class 10th after that i took dummy schooling plus online coaching in my 11th and 12th grade to prepare for neet but then i ruined my life completely by getting into social media and youtube addiction in 11th 1 used to spend 11hrs daily on social media my mental health was ruining i was having constant guilt and anxiety and then in 12th i did continued this routine until october my mental health was completely disturbed i dont have any friends i cant focus on studies my attention span is very bad i cant concentrate on my studies. i feel very bad for my parents they have told me to focus on my board and now my screen time is 3-4 hrs .i am trying to quit social media i have deleted instagram i cant delete youtube because i have to study but i cant study because of procastination now my boards are going on and i have completely ruined myself i dont think that i will be able to score more than 75 % in 12th .i scored 92 % in 10th .i feel bad for my parents they have very high expectation . i am loosing my mind day by day i dont know what to do .i am filled with all the negative thoughts .i have tried quitting social media or say dopamine detox but i have failed many times 13 -17 times .i cant fulfill my own promise which i made to myself .what should i do now?
Ans: You’re caught in a loop, but what matters is how you handle it now. Dwelling on guilt won’t change anything - your action will. Right now, your board exams need your full focus. Forget about NEET for now. Even if you feel unprepared, showing up and giving your best effort is non-negotiable. No excuses. Procrastination isn’t about motivation - it’s about discipline. Set a strict, no-negotiation study schedule. 50-minute study sessions, 10-minute breaks. Keep your phone away while studying. You say you can’t delete YouTube, fine. But are you willing to use it only for study-related content, with no loopholes? Your parents’ expectations are there, but for a moment, shift the focus—what does success look like for you? No overthinking. No self-pity. Just action. What’s one thing you can do right now to move forward?

Wishing you success,
Aamish Dhingra
ICF-PCC Certified Life Coach
Co-Founder, Cocoweave Coaching International, Delhi

...Read more

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