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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 10, 2021

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Tejbir Question by Tejbir on Dec 10, 2021Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Guruji,
Boss, I had a drinking problem.
Wife refused sex till alcohol issue solved.
For a year now, have not touched a drop. I swear on my mother.
She is still refusing intimacy in bed. Or anywhere.
I kept my end of the deal.
She has not.
We never had any problems in our marriage till I started increasing my drinking.
Now I feel like going back to drinking.
Need your help.
Thank you,
Tejbir Kohli

Ans:

That does sound unfair, Tejbir.

I think you need couples's therapy.

Your marriage has obviously been through a lot, what with your former drinking problem and your wife denying you any form of intimacy.

Please don't hit the bottle again; visit a therapist instead. 

 

Hi Love Guru,
My husband always watching porn stuff.
Too much.
Porn not getting translated to real life action.
Can’t too much porn be an addiction?
I am afraid one of my daughters might see him watching.
Need your guidance.
Fatima Zaidi

Dear Fatima,

A lot of people watch porn, but an addiction is a different matter.

It's when one cannot stop watching and does so every chance s/he gets, even in risky environments like the workplace or when one's family is around.

Explain to your husband that you think that this is getting out of hand and that you're worried for both his mental wellbeing as well as your children's exposure to porn.

He needs to be discreet and also ensure that it's not getting out of hand.

Such an obsession is not healthy.

Moreover, do you have a good sex life? Maybe if you're more adventurous with him in the bedroom he may not feel the need to rely quite so much on watching sex instead of having it!

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 20, 2021

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Relationship
Hello. I am 38 years old. I have gone through a very rough patch with my wife. I have two children. Everything is good except, since the last three years, she never wants to be intimate with me. She never hugs/kisses me. She hates it if I hug her or kiss or touch her. However, she take care of my all other things. I have talked to her straight-forwardly about this but she always says, ‘Bus mera dil hi nahi karta (I don’t feel like it).’ I take support of masturbation and other porn things. Even in the night if I touch her, she shouts at me and I get embarrassed in the family as they listen all the shouts in the night. I don’t want to leave her. How can solve it? I have nothing in my mind now. Please help me to come out from the problem. I always care for her and love her. I can’t live without her. Regards Pardeep Suman
Ans:

Hi Pardeep,

Something is definitely weird about your wife being so repelled by the act of physical love, to the point of shouting you away from her!

It could be anything, from feeling self-conscious about her body or some deep-rooted trauma that she’s coping with, or simply that she’s not enjoying sex any more or feels put off by it for some reason.

Is it that she was just tolerating sex even earlier in your marriage and doesn’t feel the need to do so now? Or did she enjoy it before and this phase has come on post having children?

You obviously can’t get through to her, so let a professional try to do so; I’d suggest visiting a marital counsellor as soon as is possible.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1236 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 09, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Madam, i am 49 and married with 2 kids (10th standard and 8th standard), my problem started we move to india and settled near my mother/sister-law and there is lot influence things happened alast 2 year and also i have drinking habit which i have overcome by attenting rehibition, but last 8 month i am staying with mother house due my health and now i ok, but every time last 3 months i asking my wife can we staying together but no proper answer and she away most of time on spiritualty, even i allow her go but she is not inform were about even after 20 phone call that triggers me and i drink and make my life diffocult myself, recently i have asked move alone with me and kids but again blaming for all the past thing, due to this i have flight my parents and brother which not keep peace to them....i am really confused and what stage they will expect me i know sure..please let me know any suggestion
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your drinking is the main reason why your wife cannot trust you again. Rebuilding that trust is going to take a lot of time and patience, Simply by saying that All is Well, let's move back together is not going to help.
Use this time of separation to rebuild that trust. Visit your children often and be the father that they didn't have earlier...be the husband that you were not earlier.
Actions speak louder than words...so, now focus on what you can do for your family that will make them want you back into their lives and this can definitely happen when you are staying away from them.
Allow them to slowly notice the changes in you and they will on their own accept you back...
A lot of work to be done...but anything for the family, right?

All the best!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |369 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 01, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 23, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Ravi, I am 40 yrs old and have been married to my lwife for 12 years. There has been many issues between us ranging from my family's behaviour towards her, my failures in meeting her expectations especially behavioural patterns/attention. Her complain towards me is that I didn't give her the kind of attention and affection which she deserved. I acknowledge that because I struggled very hard in my initial phase of career. In today's scenario she has totally lost interest in me and get attracted towards men who even shows some attention towards her. This is has happened a couple of times. Whenever I countered her for these incidents she tell that it was I who forced her to do all this. I am ready to commit my efforts to make our relationship better but she says she can't have those kind of feelings again for me. She is under constant stress and anxiety due to this and is affecting her health a lot. She is a good person by nature so I don't want to leave her but considering the toxicity of the relation and her deteriorating health due to this relation I suggested her to get separated but she says that she can't divorce because of family/other issues. I can see her struggle/pain in this forced relationship and wanted to help her but can't find out the way. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that you are in a tricky situation and appreciate that you are putting your partner's needs first. In this situation, there's really no one to blame. You could not give her the attention she deserved but there was always a genuine reason for it. It would have been the right choice to separate since she declared her disinterest in the marriage but even that doesn't seem like an option. There's only one thing left, to peacefully co-exist and continue to put in the effort you couldn't in all those years. Continue to live with mutual respect for the marriage, if not love. Put up some ground rules- things that you are comfortable with her doing and things you aren't; consider going for marriage counseling. Professional help can give you the structured support to bring your marriage back on track, slowly but considerably more than trying your own tricks.

One more thing, don't forget to take care of your mental health. If your wife does not want to seek counseling, you can always go for it. It helps us dig deep and gain clarity over what is important and what should not burden us.

Best Wishes.

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Pushpa

Pushpa R  |21 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Oct 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
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Health
Resected Madam, I am a 72 years male . I had undergone left hemicolectomy with diversion ileostomy ( open "Surgery" )for carcinoma descending colon on 23 March,2024 and the stoma closure was done on 17th July,2024. As per the consultant Oncologist the carcinoma was localized , did not spread to other parts of the body and I was not advised to undergone chemotherapy etc for the same reason. Kindly advise which Yoga postures I can practice now to ease constipation and also the yoga postures I must not / avoid now. With Kind Regards,
Ans: After your surgery, gentle yoga postures can help ease constipation and improve digestion. Start with simple poses like Pawanmuktasana (Wind-Relieving Pose), which can relieve gas and promote bowel movements. Lie on your back, hug one knee to your chest, and gently press it down to your abdomen, then switch legs. Practicing Supta Baddha Konasana (Reclining Bound Angle Pose) can also be very calming and helps stimulate digestion. Breathe deeply and allow your body to relax fully.

However, avoid intense twisting poses (like Ardha Matsyendrasana) and deep forward bends as these may strain your abdominal area. Also, postpone advanced poses or any practice that puts pressure on your core until you’ve fully regained strength and mobility.

Consulting a certified yoga coach is essential to ensure you perform these poses safely, especially after surgery. A coach can help you adapt postures to your current needs and gradually increase the intensity as you progress.

Warm Regards,
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Online Yoga & Meditation Coach
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https://www.instagram.com/pushpa_radiantyogavibes/

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Oct 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 22, 2024Hindi
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Career
Avenues for BSc Honors Botany 3rd year
Ans: Lakshmi, Some of the options for you choose from:

Higher Education and Specialization:
• MSc in Botany or Plant Sciences: Deepens expertise in botany.
• MSc in Environmental Science or Ecology: Expands study to ecosystems, conservation, and biodiversity.
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• MBA in Agribusiness or Environmental Management: Combines botany with business skills.
• MSc in Horticulture or Forestry: Specialized programs focused on plant cultivation, forest conservation.

Government Jobs:
• Botanist or Environmental Scientist: Positions in government research bodies.
• Agriculture Officer or Horticulture Officer: Roles in the Department of Agriculture or Horticulture.

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• Junior Research Fellowships (JRF): Offers stipends to work in research labs, universities, and government projects.
• Teaching in Schools or Colleges: With a Master’s degree, qualified for assistant professor roles or school teaching jobs.
• PhD in Botany or Related Fields: Essential for research-focused careers, teaching in universities, and leading scientific projects.

Industry and Corporate Jobs:
• Biotechnology and Pharmaceutical Companies: Roles in R&D, quality control, and product development.
• Agriculture and Agrochemicals: Roles in research, product development, and quality testing of seeds, pesticides, and fertilizers.
• Environmental Consulting Firms: Roles in environmental impact analysis, pollution control, and biodiversity assessments.

Certificates and Short Courses
• You can consider for Remote Sensing & GIS, Ethnobotany, Plant Tissue Culture, Agriculture Technology, or Bioinformatics.

All the BEST for Your Prosperous Future.

To know more on ‘ Careers | Education | Jobs’, ask / follow Us here in RediffGURUS.

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