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How to Calm My 4-Year-Old Daughter During Frequent Tantrums?

Dr Deepa Suvarna |139 Answers |Ask -Follow

Paediatrician - Answered on May 02, 2024

Dr Deepa Suvarna is a practising paediatrician with 25 years of experience. She completed her MD in paediatrics from the TN Medical College and BYL Nair Hospital, MBBS from the King Edward Memorial Hospital and Seth Gordhandas Sunderdas Medical College and diploma in child health from the College of Physicians and Surgeons.... more

Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi

I have 4 age baby she is so active then she is not listening my words over tantrum many time am shouting she is crying what I do

Ans: Some children are more active than others. Engage her in play which will absorb her like puzzles or play dough. Read stories to her and do not show her the mobile, tablet or tv . Shouting will only teach her to shout back when she is upset or frustrated. Needless to say, hitting is a no- no

DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.

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Anu Krishna |1437 Answers |Ask -Follow

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Question by AC - Nov 08, 2022Hindi

Dear Anu,My second child is 8 years old. She is lovable and kind in heart. Nowadays she talks in a loud voice, not interested in studying, never heeds us. We are both employed and find it difficult to teach her anything as she shows zero interest in studies. We are both mentally stressed with her sound and she never obeys both of us and skips everything by arguing. Since we do not have T.V. she watches mobile and never gives it back when we ask and quarrels with us all the time for mobile. Nowadays I tend to beat her due to her sound. Please advise me to overcome the problem.

Ans:

Dear AC,

Never ever raise your hand on a child! It only makes matters worse…So, kindly refrain from that first.

Now, let’s deal with the challenge at hand. It seems like with both if you out on work, she might feel parental neglect. Who is the primary caregiver now?

I suggest take this seriously. It might require some professional help to handle the situation with a lot of care and expertise.

She is protesting against your absence at home and this neglect that she faces (which I am sure is unintentional from your end), is what comes out as a behavioural tantrum.

Beating is not the solution. Understanding the situation for what it is, is the solution.

Your daughter needs love and care from both her parents

She did not have enough knowledge or understanding that both her parents will be out on work

No other primary caregiver (assuming there is none or is ineffective) is around to hold space for her at her age

The absence of parents at home after dreadful school hours can be very stressful on her

Her emotional needs are facing starvation which shows up as anger and tantrums

To bring it to a place where it can be handled, she needs to feel hope and believe that you and your wife are around for her.

Start by:

Talking a lot to her and reassuring her that you both are there for her no matter what
No guilt buying of gadgets or otherwise to make up for your absence as it gives out the wrong message
Appointing a caregiver who is equipped to be with children her age (preferably an older lady) OR a grandparent who is physically and emotionally able to be a child of age 8
Use weekends to only be with her no matter what. Extended family and friends can wait; your daughter is your priority
Look into her eyes and say: I love you and hug her a lot; this is not a gesture but a lifeline to children facing parental neglect

Do this for the next couple of weeks and if nothing changes, kindly seek professional help.

This is not to send you on a guilt trip, but to sensitize you that a child needs a lot of attention and eye to detail in the family set up when both parents are working. So, step up to it NOW.

Best wishes!

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