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Archana

Archana Deshpande  |45 Answers  |Ask -

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on May 20, 2024

Archana Deshpande, the founder of TransformMe Life Skills Coaching, is an image consultant, soft skills trainer and life coach.
She has been working with individuals and corporate organisations for more than 10 years during which she has helped professionals and students improve their soft skills, build confidence and enhance self-esteem.
An engineer from the PDA College of Engineering, Gulbarga, Archana had a successful career at Reliance Communications. But she has always been interested in teaching and training people. So she pursued a postgraduate diploma in teacher’s training at Pune’s Symbiosis Institute of Management Studies followed by teaching assignments in schools at Visakhapatnam and Mumbai.
Archana also holds an international certificate in image consulting and soft skills training from the Image Consulting Business Institute, Mumbai.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024Hindi
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Career

I am software engineer aged 30 years. My manager is a sadist doesn't understand anything technically and always pester us on non essential things that doesn't matter at all in the work and deliverables. We are getting frustrated most of the times. Always blames others for his/her own mistakes. Always divides and rule the team. Always wants to go out and party even if there is lot of work and end of the day, asks for the work status. I do not want to leave the company but doesn't bare this manager at all. Please suggest what to do. I am at my low.

Ans: Hello!!
Most of us have had managers at some point in our careers, while some are helpful, compassionate, and capable, others may not meet these standards, clearly yours is not meeting the standards!! Dealing with challenging managers can be, well, a challenge. Be courageous and face the challenge, you are not a newbie you are a strong 30 yr old man.
When I worked in the corporate world, what I heard most of the times was that people don't leave a company, they leave bad bosses. Throughout your question you have always mentioned a "we", that means this bad boss is affecting many more people.
You have these options-
1. you all can send a signed petition about this boss, post this to the HR
2. nobody has to suffer at work, there will always be a way out, look for it
3. you be sincere in your work and deliver, develop a thick skin and don't allow this boss to affect you
3.if nothing works then quit, do whatever it takes to be peaceful at work

I am sure a smart 30 yr old software engineer like you "can" and "will" find a solution to this problem by choosing your options wisely and looking into what is important for you!

All the best!!
Career

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I'm working in a company for last 10 years and have been a consistent good performer. The management recognises it too. But in the last 2-3 years one person from Finance (same as my level) has been consistently interfering and keeps talking negative about my work. He makes my working as routine and not much significant to current output by constantly talking / pushing to management mentioning negatives of my doings. He is dominating the entire company and our management knows it but doesn't contradict him on face and keep avoiding issues when we talk of it. He controls all our efforts and denies execution / completion even if approved by CEO quoting himself as finance controller and approves for other things who doesn't object to him. On confrontation he avoids us and changes his stance - denies he ever did it. It is becoming very difficult to bear every day frustrations though I haven't allowed him any chance to say on my performance as every year we surpass targets with 10-15% higher achievement and collections front too we succeed efficiently. He is been responsible for legal matters and hasn't been effective of recovery of bad debts and smartly puts onus on others for default / losses. Pl advice me directly on mail only as I've many things to share but above should give you my mindset.
Ans: Dear A, I hear you. What still is unclear from what you have shared is what is it that you want clarity on from me?

Do you want to build a stronger mindset to deal with the situation?

Assuming (I have to assume here because, I don’t know how this is affecting you) that this is possibly keeping you on your toes as to what will be his next move, this maybe affecting your peace of mind; the only thing that I feel you can do is develop a strategy to checkmate him at every instance.

By now, you know his pattern of doing things and causing nuisance and then conveniently hiding things, it should give you an edge by simply predicting his next move and staying ahead in the game.

Most times, using the mind to strategize is more helpful rather than using it to obsess over why the other person is doing what he/she is doing.

We cannot ever control another person’s behaviour, but what we can do is reflect within and play the game smartly without creating a huge ruckus. In the end, based on my assumption, it's your peace of mind that you can be in no matter what happens outside you.

Based on the strategy through his patterned behaviour, it should give you a good head start before you embark on any project/meeting/presentation or whatever. You have experienced it and been in the midst of it all; now Observe and

Change what you do; without ever thinking that he is the one to change. He will at his own relevant time.

Spend your energies not on controlling him but on yourself and how you can plan, evaluate and execute. Focus on oneself can go a long way in changing things; personal pr professional.

(My answer is based on what little I could gather from your question)

Best wishes.

..Read more

Career

Career Coach  |42 Answers  |Ask -

Workplace Expert - Answered on Feb 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 21, 2024Hindi
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Career
My manager is mentally harassing me. I work 14-16 hours a day. Even during weekends he calls to discuss work and says it's important and urgent. My family is very upset. I have tried to say no many times but he continues to behave in the same way. I can't quit until I find a better job. This job is important for my career. What should I do?
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this challenging situation. It's crucial to address workplace harassment and maintain a healthy work-life balance. Here are some steps you could consider:

1. Document Everything: Keep a record of the instances of harassment, including dates, times, what was said or done, and how it made you feel. Documentation can be helpful if you need to escalate the situation later.

2. Set Boundaries: Clearly communicate your boundaries to your manager. Let them know that you're willing to work hard during regular working hours but that you need time off during evenings and weekends to rest and spend time with your family.

3. Use Assertive Communication: When your manager calls you during your off hours, politely remind them of the boundaries you've set and suggest scheduling a discussion during regular working hours unless it's genuinely urgent.

4. Seek Support: Talk to HR or another trusted superior about the situation. They may be able to intervene and provide support or mediation. If your company has an employee assistance program (EAP), consider reaching out to them for guidance.

5. Know Your Rights: Familiarize yourself with your company's policies on harassment and discrimination. If your manager's behavior constitutes harassment, you have the right to take action to stop it.

6. Consider Legal Options: If the harassment persists and affects your well-being or career prospects, you may need to consider legal action. Consult with an employment lawyer to understand your rights and options.

7. Explore Other Job Opportunities: Start actively looking for other job opportunities that align with your career goals and values. Having alternative options can provide you with more leverage in dealing with your current situation.

8. Take Care of Yourself: Prioritize self-care during this stressful time. Make time for activities that help you relax and recharge, and lean on your support network for emotional support.

Remember that no job is worth sacrificing your mental health and well-being. It's essential to advocate for yourself and take steps to address the harassment you're experiencing.

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Asked by Anonymous - May 07, 2024Hindi
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Hi I am a 35-year-old woman and my husband is 45. we are made for each other couple. we love each other and we do not have any compatibility issues except in romance. he is not very romantic and even throughout my younger years I was also not very romantic and immersed myself in studies and career. He is not very active in sex also. A few years back I told him that I wanted to be romantic after marriage and now we are not, so I missed my college and early office days when I was in my prime and could have been romantically involved with guys. Since I look very young even at 35, he suggested that I still can move around with guys and get romantic and I need not miss anything even now. though initially declining the offer, I moved a little freely toward men, mostly colleagues, and a few social club members. I encouraged late-night messages, coffee meets, movies, etc. I update my husband on every single event that happens. ex, if I went to a movie with a colleague, I will message my hubby " We kissed", if that happened. he encourages me so much and is happy with whatever is happening, cutting a long story short. though I didn't think it would go so far, I am now romantically very active. soft romance-like messages I do with many. Dating I don't say no to my known circle like colleagues, ex-colleagues, college mates, etc and almost 2-3 times a week I end up dating someone in a coffee shop, pub, or a long drive. A few times I initiate a date too. and I must confess that I have regular intimacy with four young men, all from the same office where I work. I have never hidden anything from my hubby and give a complete account every day. I offered to stop everything any moment he said. but he told me till age is there enjoy life!. I am emotionally connected to my husband only and I do all my responsibilities as a woman. Our relationship has grown manifold. My only question is, am I exploiting my husband's innocence or does he have a cuckold fantasy? If I continue the way I continue with no harm to anyone, can I keep doing it ( I love to). or I should stop at once?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

After reading your question I understood that your partner and you have, what we call, an open relationship. As long as both partners are okay with the dynamics of it, and no one is emotionally hurt, or resisting, it should be okay. It isn't exploitation if your husband himself encourages you. You are both consenting adults and not harming each other or anyone else. As for your question, if he has a cuckold fantasy, that is something you should discuss with your husband. An open discussion is better than speculation. Also, at any time if you suspect that your husband is growing concerned about the nature of your relationship, ask him directly. It can help avoid misunderstandings.


Best Wishes

...Read more

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Ravi Mittal  |224 Answers  |Ask -

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Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
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Hello sir mai 28 year ki hoo mai abhi llb kar rahi hoo mai last 7 year se relationship mai hoo vo mujse 25 year bade hai saruaat 1 to 2 year inhone muje bhot priorities di ab hum 3 to 4 month mai kabhi milte hai hum dono alag alag city mai hai unki bhot badi family hai or finincially bhi problem chal rahi hai last 3 yaer se vo.muje priority nai de rahe hum.roj bat karte hai vo mera khyal bhi rakhte hai lekin muje unse ab dur nai hona mene sadi na karne ka decisions Liya hai lekin kitni bar bhot akela feel karti hoo vo muje itna time nai dete phele jaisa nai hai aisa lagta hai.fir vo ku6 help kar de ya pyar se bat bhi kar le.to.lagta hai sab theek hai mai.bhot confused hoo mai.kya karu muje kya karna chahiye ..
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Dating someone older than you is not the problem, but the fact that you are making major life decisions based on what he wants and doesn't want is concerning. I am guessing that you decided to not get married because he doesn't want it either. Is that fair to you? You yourself mentioned that you often feel lonely. Don't you think you deserve better? Don't you deserve someone who would love you and would like to spend the rest of their life with you? Please reconsider this relationship. Speak to your partner and ask him what his plans are for the future. Does he want to settle down with you? How will you two continue this relationship in the future? There are many important questions that need answering. Sort them out and you will have the solution to your dilemma.


Best Wishes.

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