Hi Mayank.
My question may seem silly but it bothers me a lot.
I don’t smoke or drink but in my office a lot of people do.
A lot of bonding and work stuff happens on cigarette breaks and when people go out after work for a drink.
I have tried joining but things get a bit awkward because I don’t smoke or drink.
How do I break this barrier?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Fixating yourself on a girl friends circle is going to cause you more anxiety, Instead, build a strong friends circle and eventually you will get comfortable interacting with just about anyone.
And oh, office romances are not cool...be careful lest one of you cross the boundary and put your jobs at risk...So expanding your social circle seems to be a better thing to do and slowly you will develop that confidence to approach women not to just have a relationship with them but also meaningfully engage with them. Who knows after that how things can turn in your favor!

All the best!

Ans: Hello. That’s a rather thoughtful question.

Approaching your female colleagues in a professional and respectful manner is crucial to fostering a healthy work environment.
Here are some tips that can help you avoid misunderstandings while interacting with them:

1. Professionalism First: Regardless of their gender, treat all colleagues with the same level of professionalism. Focus on building work relationships based on mutual respect and common goals.

2. Respect Personal Space: Be mindful of personal space and boundaries. Avoid invading someone's personal space. Be aware of cultural differences that may influence personal boundaries.

3. Use Inclusive Language: Use inclusive language that promotes a sense of equality. Avoid making gender-specific comments or assumptions. Focus on work-related topics and common interests.

4. Be Mindful of Body Language: Pay attention to non-verbal cues and body language. If someone appears uncomfortable, adjust your behavior accordingly. Respect signals indicating when someone may need space or is not interested in engaging in conversation.

5. If you feel the need to give compliments, keep them professional and work-related. Complimenting someone on their professional achievements or contributions is generally safe.

6. Avoid Personal topics: Refrain from discussing personal or sensitive topics, especially in the early stages of getting to know your colleagues. Stick to neutral subjects related to work or common interests.

7. Office Events and Social Gatherings: Participate in office events and social gatherings where you can interact with colleagues in a more relaxed setting. This can contribute to building positive relationships outside of the formal work environment.

8. Request Feedback: If you are unsure about your interactions or if you want to ensure that your behavior is appropriate, consider seeking feedback from colleagues or mentors. Constructive feedback can help you improve and navigate workplace dynamics more effectively.

Remember, the key is to be respectful, considerate and professional in all interactions.

Building positive relationships with your colleagues, irrespective of their gender, will contribute to a more inclusive and supportive work environment.

All the best!

Ans: Dear Sunil,

No one is clear cut introvert or an extrovert, look at yourself closely too... in some circumstances you behave like an extrovert and some areas you behave like an introvert.

Be brave and say "hi" to people around you in the office, you be the first one to greet, this itself can be a starting point to making new friends. A smile and a pleasant "hi" is all it takes.
Look for opportunities to connect with ppl in the office, instead of sending mails or reminders to ppl electronically, just walk up to them and speak to them or call them up to say you have sent a mail/reminder. This way you can establish a human connect.
Also check if you can go to the dining area to eat lunch and during breaks.. do not sit at your desk and have lunch.
Social media and watching reels is a "big no" if you are yearning for human connections. I am glad you talk to your family...outside the office, join book clubs, singing clubs, drama clubs or anywhere your interest lies...you can join a classroom to learn and develop a new skill....

Also check if you are getting enough sleep, exercise, fresh air , sunshine during the day....focus on your diet too!!

Hope this helps... take care of yourself!

Ans: First, choose a moment when you both are having an open and comfortable discussion about personal values, lifestyle choices, or habits. Instead of making it a big, serious revelation, introduce it naturally and with confidence. You could say something like:

"I believe in being upfront about certain things so that there are no misunderstandings later. I do enjoy a drink socially and smoke occasionally when I feel like it. I know some people have strong views on these things, so I wanted to be clear about it from the start. It’s not a regular part of my life, but it’s something I do on my terms."

By stating it this way, you’re presenting it as a personal choice rather than something that defines your character. If he reacts negatively, stay calm and give him space to process. If he has concerns, listen without being defensive, and let the conversation flow naturally. The goal isn’t to seek approval but to ensure compatibility and mutual respect.

Would you like help in phrasing it based on his background or personality?