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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |599 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 27, 2023

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 25, 2023Hindi
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Hi Ravi, I am single and active on multiple dating apps. However, I have never really had the courage to spend the night with a guy I have only met or known for a little while. I have noticed that a lot of boys move on after the first date if you act too tight. I am just being safe. How do I explain this without offending someone who may be genuine?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

First of all, that's good thinking on your part. The basics of being safe while dating online dictate you take mindful steps, and this is one of them. Now, coming to how you can convey your worries without offending, you don't owe anyone any explanation on why you choose not to spend the night with them. But, if you insist on explaining, you can tell the guy that you like him but would want to know him better and on a deeper level before taking the party somewhere private.

Guys who genuinely like you will never force you into doing something you are not comfortable with or even ask you to justify your choices. If he moves on because you act "too tight," or as I'd put it, act carefully and as you see fit, so let him; you deserve and will meet someone better than that. The number of dates you have been on does not decide anything; you do.

Best Wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 27, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, How are you? Hope you are doing well. So my situation is: I'm 23 years old. Due to my extremely toxic past experiences in relationships, I chose to be single to bring a balance in my life. I have been single for almost a year now. But last month I was on a sabbatical. I had travelling plans but I had to cancel everything due to the rise in the covid19 pandemic. I joined a dating app (I swore that I would never use a dating app. But then this year I wanted to do something that I would never consider doing. So I decided to join a dating app just to see what goes in there). I wasn't looking for any relationship or anything like that. I was mostly fine with my single life (except the physical intimacy part of course). Then I got matches with guys. But I had no interest in any of them. I chatted with a couple of them but got bored within minutes. I matched with a guy and started talking to him. He seemed nice from the start. I could connect with him very easily. We were on an equal intellectual level. But that was just day 1. From day2, he was not really into the conversation. He was only answering my questions, not really asking anything. But while talking, he clearly told me that he wasn't into relationships or dating currently as he broke up 1 year ago and needed time to clear his mind space. I didn't really care about all this stuff since I wasn't looking for anything at all. But his prosaic interview type answers were very irritating and I had to get back to my work too. So I deleted my profile without apprising him anything and by that time we already connected on IG. But after that conversation, he was kind of all over my mind. It was really difficult for me to focus on my work for the next 2-3 days. So I thought if I text with him for 2-3 days, I would be fine probably. But when I texted him on IG, he wasn't surprised that I’d deleted my profile on that dating app without even telling him anything. Moreover, he was texting in a very formal manner. After a while, he stopped replying. I didn't text after that. I was done with him.Since that day, my mind has been craving for his attention. I know that he isn't the guy I should spend my time with no matter how good I found him initially. But my focus and concentration is really getting affected by his thoughts. On VDay I thought maybe he was going to ask me out(because last month he made it conspicuous that he was going to meet me on V -day). But he is a ghost now. Please tell me how do I erase his thoughts from my mind totally so that I can focus on my work as I have piles of work to get done.
Ans:

Dear SD,

Ghosting of a high order.

Why exactly were you anticipating him to give you all the attention?

Why were you craving for validation from someone who you haven’t chatted or met with?

Why did you base so many emotions on a ‘connection’ that wasn’t one in the first place?

Dating apps are an ocean of people who have different needs to be met and distractions are heavy.

Every moment, the mind is seeking an association with a new person in the hope that he or she will be better than the previous one.

How did you expect him to feel the same way as you did at that very moment? Maybe it’s time to introspect what you learned during your sabbatical.

Did you pour enough self-love so that you wouldn’t wait for someone else to love you? If No, then time to step back and validate yourself for ONCE.

You must learn to look at yourself with a fresh pair of eyes, laud yourself and love yourself even more.

Fill yourself with so much care are love that the next time, you are on an APP, it’s for a very good reason and with a lot of confidence that you can hold your space and not get swayed by who is messaging or who isn’t!

Life offers you with so many opportunities to change from within; start right away and as far as this “Ghost Guy”, even if he is back, he will scout around for more greener pastures as far as an unsteady mind goes.

So you possibly might just be one of them. Investing so much time in all of this is straining.

Join groups that meet often and on a common theme and maybe you might find someone interesting and someone who has similar values and ideals as you.

Good luck to a new way of thinking and acting!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |599 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Ravi. Im a 33 year old female, in search of life partner. Through matrimony groups I was shared a contact of a guy and we spoke over call. Initially there was interest from both ends we messaged each other and asked for calls. As we came to know about each other, he is more of an extrovert, enjoys socializing ,consumes alcohol etc. Although Im exposed to cosmopolitan culture I come from a more disciplined/simple/traditional upbringing. Not orthodox but would have preferred someone without those habits. I did not judge him based on his habits, I clearly told that we may try to give each other a chance and I do consider all the other good things in him like being ambitious, attached to his family, independent, cooks for himself , has a good routine, a person who enjoys life and seemed like a happy and cheerful guy. But he kind of judged me for expressing that I looked at alcohol as not a very good habit etc . He had past relationships and asked my opinion on continuing with them as friends, again I said that its past so if he is over it and doesn't let it hamper his future I wouldn't look at it negatively. Although seems like he even had physical relations I dint dig deep or asked any questions. I felt like I did give it a shot and wanted to take a chance bcoz of few good aspects considering we both are of similar backgrounds (the way we were exposed to mixed cultures etc growing up), have satisfied each others non negotiables , have same opinions on joint family, kids etc. He also expressed dilemma over being in different cities cant get to know each other etc and I was like we can meet if we wish to and if we want to take it forward, its not an impossible task. The last time we spoke he said he needs time and he wasnt sure, also suggested that we speak to other people as well. now its been 2 months and neither of us contacted each other. I assumed as he asked for time if he was interested he would get back, he even was seeing all my WA status updates until some time back. So I dint contact, also even while we were talking most of the times it was me initiating msgs asking for call etc. He even acknowledged the same that Im putting efforts and he is unsure etc . So should I really contact him now and check what he though or have self respect and ignore thinking that he is not interested (which looks like the case as he dint contact in 2months). The problem is Im also finding very difficult to find right guys and I feel in certain aspects he is good and should I really give it a chance and try from my side ? Parents are not involved as seems entire decision is of the guy. Im not on dating apps etc, never been in relationship and only looking for a person who can commit and Im in no space to do trial and error or want to get into online dating at this point of time because Im an emotional person and attaching-detaching is not easy for me. I guess Im attached to this person also somewhere and constantly thinking if I should msg or ignore. I was open to talk to others and see but unfortunately nothing worked out and dint get to talk to anyone else in this time. Please advise me, these thoughts are eating me up.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am glad that neither one of you decided to rush into committing to one another. Let me address all the issues one by one

First, I understand that you are not judging his lifestyle, but that does not mean you are not allowed to be concerned about it. We all have our preferences and there is nothing wrong with that.

Second, why should you be the only one putting in the work? A healthy connection is forged when both parties take an equal part in building it. Moreover, don't you think you deserve someone who would love to put some effort into building a relationship with you?

Third, if he isn't sure about this marriage, it is okay. But that does not mean he should leave you hanging. If it has been over two months and you are finding it difficult to give him any more time and space, you can communicate that to him. You can ask him if he has made up his mind and what his intentions are.

Fourth, please do not build a relationship with a person you are not entirely satisfied with because you do not have a better option right now. Do not set your bar low. Lack of options should not be the reason you choose him; you should only decide to marry him when you firmly believe that he is the right man for you.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

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Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |702 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Jun 06, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 05, 2025
Career
I'm scoring 601 in NEET 2025. A lot of rank predictors are showing my rank to be less than 10000. Should I believe them? Will i get a government college? Please let me know if i should keep hoping or not
Ans: HI
The NTA has not yet declared the results and rankings for NEET2025. Generally, predictions are based on probabilities, and many factors are involved in determining the exact rank.

For example, you have only shared your marks, but not other important details such as category and domicile. If your category changes, it can significantly affect your predicted rank. To get a more accurate prediction regarding availability, you need to provide comprehensive details, including expected marks, category, gender, whether you are physically challenged, and relevant details..

With your score, changing parameters such as your category can lead to significant changes in predictions. The purpose of these predictions is to help you prepare for what comes next, especially before you appear for counseling. This process is crucial for your future. It is important to accept guidance—even if it’s virtual—because there are lakhs of candidates appearing and numerous seats available across the country, and seat allocation must be done fairly.

Since the information provided is freely available, it is not good to simply ignore or question it. A positive attitude is essential.

If you haven't shared the proper information with the predictor and gathered the necessary details, please do so.

BEST WISHES.
POOCHO. LIFE CHANGE KARO!

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8866 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 06, 2025

Money
Dear Sir I am now 60 yrs and retiring next month. By god's grace I have no EMI, Loan and any liability. My present expenses is around 200,000 Rs/month. I have EPF of 85 lacs, PPF of 17 lacs, FD in Bank of 2 Cr and MFs of 85 Lac so far. I will get 3000 INR as Pension per month. I wish to understand if all this is sufficient corpus down the line for 10 yrs. Please advice how one can manage in this much for a couple.
Ans: You are entering retirement with zero loans, a high monthly budget, and a solid asset base. That is a great position. You now need a very simple, tax-efficient, and low-stress plan to manage this wealth for the next 10 years and beyond.

Let us break this into key sections to plan from every angle.

Your Financial Snapshot at Retirement

You are retiring next month at age 60.

You have no liabilities, which is excellent.

Your monthly household expense is around Rs. 2 lakh.

You have Rs. 85 lakh in EPF, which will now be withdrawn.

You have Rs. 17 lakh in PPF, which is maturing soon or can be extended.

You have Rs. 2 crore in bank fixed deposits already.

You also have Rs. 85 lakh in mutual funds.

Your monthly pension is Rs. 3,000, which is too small to count.

Retirement Corpus Total and Its Strength

Your combined corpus today is about Rs. 3.87 crore.

At 2 lakh monthly expense, your annual expense is Rs. 24 lakh.

You need Rs. 2.4 crore just to cover 10 years without interest.

But your funds will earn income also.

So your present corpus is strong enough for 10 years and more.

With proper planning, this can last 20 years or more.

Expected Inflation and Expense Growth

Inflation is likely to be 6% to 7% yearly on average.

So your Rs. 2 lakh monthly expense may rise to Rs. 3.5 lakh in 10 years.

Your plan should therefore give both income now and growth later.

Your Goals in Retirement

Have monthly income of Rs. 2 lakh that grows over time.

Keep taxes as low as possible.

Maintain full liquidity for any medical or family needs.

Grow part of the corpus for long-term safety.

Leave behind wealth for your spouse or children, if possible.

Problems to Avoid in Retirement

Do not put all money in FDs. Inflation will eat the value.

Do not depend only on interest. It will not grow with expenses.

Do not keep too much in savings accounts. Returns are too low.

Do not chase direct stocks or risky options. You are not working anymore.

Asset Allocation for Next 10 Years

Divide the Rs. 3.87 crore into 3 buckets.

Bucket 1: Income Bucket – For first 5 years of income

This should be around Rs. 1.25 crore.

Use this for immediate monthly income and any emergency needs.

Keep it in laddered fixed deposits (of 1-5 years) and bank RDs.

Also use ultra-short duration debt mutual funds through MFD with CFP support.

Ensure liquidity and steady income.

Bucket 2: Growth + Safety Bucket – For years 6 to 10

Allocate around Rs. 1.25 crore here.

Invest in hybrid mutual funds and short-term debt funds.

Rebalance every 2 years with help of a CFP.

This gives balance of safety and slow growth.

Bucket 3: Long-Term Growth Bucket – For after 10 years

Keep the remaining Rs. 1.37 crore here.

Invest in actively managed mutual funds only, not index funds.

Choose multi-cap, large-cap, and flexi-cap categories.

Do not choose direct mutual funds yourself.

Invest through MFD linked with a Certified Financial Planner.

This will grow money for medical costs, spouse’s future, or legacy.

Your Monthly Income Strategy

From Bucket 1, start a monthly SWP (systematic withdrawal plan) from debt funds.

You can also break small FDs monthly or quarterly to support income.

Refill Bucket 1 every 3 years by transferring from Bucket 2.

From age 70 onward, draw from Bucket 3 if needed.

Always keep 6 months’ expenses in bank savings for liquidity.

Cash Flow and Tax Management

FD interest is taxable at slab rate. So spread FDs between yourself and spouse.

Use debt mutual funds for lower taxes with STCG at 20% and LTCG as per slab.

Mutual funds are more tax-efficient than FDs over time.

Withdraw smartly using SWP to stay within low tax slabs.

You can also use PPF extension with contribution for 5 more years.

That gives tax-free growth and safety.

Emergency Medical Planning

Keep Rs. 15–20 lakh in a separate liquid FD or debt fund for medical use.

This is your health buffer. Do not touch it unless for emergency.

Keep this in joint name with spouse for easy access.

If your health insurance is low, buy a super top-up plan with Rs. 25 lakh or more.

Managing PPF and EPF Corpus

EPF of Rs. 85 lakh can be withdrawn tax-free.

Use part of it to build Bucket 1 and part for long-term Bucket 3.

PPF of Rs. 17 lakh is also tax-free.

You can keep it locked or extend for 5 years with or without contribution.

Use it as a tax-free part of your safety bucket.

Mutual Fund Strategy – What to Do Now

Rs. 85 lakh in mutual funds is a good base.

Do not sell it all suddenly. Use part for Bucket 2 and 3.

Review each fund with your Certified Financial Planner.

Shift from mid or small cap to more stable large/multi/flexi-cap mix.

Use only regular plans. Avoid direct funds.

Direct funds may look cheaper, but you miss support and rebalancing.

A good MFD with CFP helps you avoid wrong switches and panic.

Asset Rebalancing Every 2 Years

Every 2–3 years, revisit your asset buckets.

Move money from growth bucket to income bucket when needed.

Use SWP, FD breaks, and PPF maturity to refill buckets.

This keeps your income smooth and your capital growing.

Legacy and Estate Planning

Create a simple Will. It avoids confusion later.

Nominate spouse or children in all investments.

Keep a record of assets, passwords, and bank details.

Talk to your family and explain the system you have set.

Keep one person trusted for future medical or financial help.

Expenses After 10 Years

At age 70, you may need Rs. 3.5 lakh or more per month.

By that time, Bucket 3 will start giving income.

The mutual fund growth and rebalancing will support this.

If health declines, medical spending can rise. Plan accordingly.

If any lump sum is required, break long-term FDs or redeem mutual funds.

What You Should Not Do

Do not buy new insurance or annuities. You don’t need them.

Do not go for index funds. They do not protect well in falling markets.

Actively managed funds perform better with a proper planner.

Do not invest in stocks or risky bonds for extra returns.

Do not take advice from unqualified persons or relatives.

Do not keep too much idle money in savings accounts.

Use a Certified Financial Planner to Monitor

A CFP will track your income plan, tax impact, and medical reserve.

Your needs will change over 10 years. Rebalancing is a must.

Without planning, even a big corpus can shrink due to wrong choices.

With proper strategy, your corpus can last for 20+ years with growth.

Investment Monitoring Checklist

Review all FDs every year. Renew or restructure as per needs.

Check mutual fund portfolio every 6 months with MFD.

Track income, expense, and surplus monthly.

Record all redemptions and tax impact.

Make your spouse aware of all decisions.

Other Important Tips

Keep a small part in gold only if needed for future gifting.

Avoid new real estate for investment. It reduces liquidity.

Use mobile apps only for checking balances, not for investing.

Always double check SMS and emails from banks or mutual funds.

Maintain a yearly summary sheet of all investments.

Keep one trusted CA or tax expert to help during filing.

Finally

You have built your wealth with care. You can now protect it with discipline.

Rs. 3.87 crore is enough for the next 10–15 years with smart withdrawal.

But you need structure. Divide your corpus into 3 buckets as explained.

Avoid risky new products. Stick to what you understand.

Take help from a Certified Financial Planner to do annual checks.

This will keep your income steady, taxes low, and worries away.

Plan for your spouse too. Ensure she can handle money if anything happens.

With this approach, your retirement can be peaceful and financially secure.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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