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Can I retire early with a small flat, low savings, and a middling business income?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6625 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 22, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 21, 2024Hindi
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I am 42 with just 50Lin flat and just cash of 1L yearly income of 10L which end in expenses with business of yearly turnover 2cr. Want retirement by 50 with yearly income of 5L

Ans: Managing your finances to achieve retirement goals requires a comprehensive approach. Here are some steps you can take to improve your financial health and work towards your retirement target.

Assess Your Current Financial Situation
Age and Assets: You are 42 years old with a flat worth Rs 50 lakhs and Rs 1 lakh in cash.

Income and Expenses: Your yearly income is Rs 10 lakhs, which matches your expenses.

Business Turnover: Your business has a yearly turnover of Rs 2 crores.

Retirement Goals
Target Retirement Age: You aim to retire by age 50.

Required Yearly Income: You need a yearly income of Rs 5 lakhs post-retirement.

Increase Savings and Investments
Allocate Savings: Start saving a portion of your income. Aim to save at least 20% of your yearly income.

Invest Wisely: Focus on mutual funds, especially actively managed funds. These have the potential for higher returns.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Higher Returns: Professional fund managers aim to outperform the market.

Risk Management: Actively managed funds diversify and adjust to market changes.

Expert Guidance: Fund managers make informed decisions based on market research.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Passive Management: Index funds follow the market and lack active management.

Lower Flexibility: They cannot adapt quickly to market changes.

Average Returns: Index funds generally provide average market returns, which may not meet your goals.

Avoid Direct Funds
Lack of Advice: Direct funds miss out on professional guidance.

Complex Management: Managing investments directly requires significant time and effort.

Potential Mistakes: Without expert help, you may make costly errors.

Plan for Retirement Corpus
Estimate Corpus: Calculate the amount needed to generate Rs 5 lakhs yearly. Consider inflation and longevity.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Start a SIP to build your retirement corpus over time.

Diversify Investments
Equity Funds: Invest in equity funds for long-term growth.

Debt Funds: Include debt funds for stability and regular income.

Balanced Funds: Consider balanced funds for a mix of growth and stability.

Business Income Optimization
Increase Profitability: Focus on increasing business profitability. Review expenses and find cost-saving measures.

Reinvest Profits: Reinvest a portion of business profits into personal investments.

Emergency Fund
Build a Cushion: Maintain an emergency fund of at least 6 months of expenses. This provides financial security.
Professional Guidance
Certified Financial Planner: Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). They can provide personalized advice and help create a financial plan.
Regular Review and Adjustment
Monitor Progress: Regularly review your financial plan and adjust as needed.

Stay Informed: Keep yourself updated on market trends and investment opportunities.

Final Insights
Commit to Saving: Prioritize saving and investing for your retirement goals.

Seek Expert Help: Utilize professional guidance to make informed decisions.

Plan Ahead: Focus on long-term financial health and security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6625 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
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My age is 33. In hand salary 65k. With loan of 8lakh and single. I have Mutual fund of 1.5 lakh . i want to retire at age of 50
Ans: It's great to see you planning for your future. At 33, you have ample time to build a solid retirement corpus by 50. Let's delve into a comprehensive strategy for you.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
Income and Loans

In-hand salary: Rs. 65,000 per month.
Existing loan: Rs. 8 Lakhs.
Mutual fund investment: Rs. 1.5 Lakhs.
Your income is steady, but the loan needs attention. Let's plan effectively to balance debt repayment and investment growth.

Building a Strong Financial Foundation
1. Managing Your Loan

Start by focusing on repaying your Rs. 8 Lakhs loan. Allocate a portion of your income to accelerate loan repayment. This will reduce interest burden and free up funds for investments.

Emergency Fund Creation
2. Establish an Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-9 months of your monthly expenses. This fund should be easily accessible, kept in a savings account or liquid mutual fund.

Strategic Investment Planning
3. Increase Mutual Fund Investments

Mutual funds are a great tool for wealth creation. Considering your goal to retire by 50, you'll need to invest more aggressively in equity mutual funds for higher returns.

Monthly Investment Allocation
4. Diversify Your Investments

Allocate your monthly investments wisely. Here's a suggested plan:

Equity Mutual Funds: Rs. 30,000
Debt Mutual Funds: Rs. 10,000
Balanced/Hybrid Funds: Rs. 5,000
This allocation balances growth potential and risk management.

Reviewing Existing Mutual Funds
5. Assess and Realign Your Portfolio

Review your existing mutual fund portfolio. Ensure it includes a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. If necessary, consult with a Certified Financial Planner to realign your portfolio.

Setting Up Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
6. Consistent SIPs for Growth

Set up SIPs in the chosen mutual funds. SIPs help in averaging out market volatility and instilling financial discipline. Increase SIP amounts annually by 10-15% to match inflation and income growth.

Debt Management and Savings Balance
7. Prioritize High-Interest Debt Repayment

Focus on repaying high-interest debt first. Once the Rs. 8 Lakhs loan is cleared, reallocate that amount towards your investments.

Exploring Additional Investment Avenues
8. Alternative Investments for Diversification

While equity and debt funds are primary, consider a small allocation in gold funds or international mutual funds for added diversification.

Insurance and Risk Management
9. Adequate Insurance Coverage

Ensure you have sufficient health insurance and life insurance coverage. This protects your investments from being eroded by unforeseen medical expenses or financial hardships.

Tax Planning and Efficiency
10. Tax-Efficient Investments

Utilize tax-saving instruments like ELSS funds under Section 80C to reduce your tax liability. Plan withdrawals and redemptions strategically to minimize taxes.

Regular Monitoring and Adjustments
11. Annual Portfolio Review

Review your portfolio annually with a Certified Financial Planner. Rebalance as needed to maintain your desired asset allocation and risk tolerance.

Financial Discipline and Patience
12. Focus on Long-Term Goals

Stick to your long-term investment strategy despite market volatility. Regular investments and compounding will work in your favor over time.

Professional Guidance and Support
13. Engage with a Certified Financial Planner

Work with a CFP to tailor your investment strategy to your specific needs and goals. They can provide personalized advice and regular reviews.

Building a Retirement Corpus
14. Estimating Retirement Needs

Calculate your retirement corpus based on your expected monthly expenses post-retirement. Factor in inflation to arrive at a realistic figure.

Lifestyle and Budgeting
15. Budgeting for Lifestyle Needs

Plan your current and future lifestyle needs. This helps in setting realistic financial goals and ensures your corpus lasts throughout retirement.

Final Insights
By systematically increasing your investments, managing debt efficiently, and leveraging professional advice, you can achieve your retirement goal by 50. Discipline, patience, and regular reviews are key to staying on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6625 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 23, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello, I am 32 Years old with a Loan of 1.25 cr on my 4 Properties earning Annually approx 18-20 lakhs (excluding Rental Income). Balance of SSY and PPF is 9.5 lakh as of now. I wish to retire by 50 with a monthly income of 5 lakh.
Ans: It’s great that you’re thinking about your financial future and planning for retirement. At 32 years old, you have a solid foundation with four properties and an annual income of 18-20 lakhs. Your balance of 9.5 lakhs in SSY and PPF is a good start. Let’s dive into your goal of retiring by 50 with a monthly income of 5 lakhs.

Current Financial Snapshot
Income and Assets
Annual Income: 18-20 lakhs (excluding rental income)
Properties: 4 properties with a loan of 1.25 crores
SSY and PPF: 9.5 lakhs balance
Liabilities
Loan: 1.25 crores on properties
Retirement Goal
Retirement Age: 50 years
Monthly Income Post-Retirement: 5 lakhs
Planning for Retirement
Evaluating Your Goals
Retiring at 50 with a monthly income of 5 lakhs is ambitious but achievable with the right strategy. It’s important to consider inflation, investment returns, and tax implications.

Creating a Retirement Corpus
To achieve a monthly income of 5 lakhs post-retirement, you need a substantial corpus. Assuming a lifespan of 80 years, you need to plan for 30 years of retirement. Let’s break down the steps to create this corpus.

Investment Strategy
Diversifying Investments
Equity Mutual Funds: High growth potential but volatile. Ideal for long-term growth.
Debt Mutual Funds: Provide stability and regular income. Lower returns compared to equity.
Hybrid Funds: A mix of equity and debt. Balanced approach.
SSY and PPF: Safe and tax-efficient. Continue contributions.
Power of Compounding
Investing early allows your money to grow exponentially due to compounding. The longer the investment period, the greater the growth. Start investing regularly and stay committed.

Managing Liabilities
Loan Repayment
Your 1.25 crore loan on properties needs to be managed efficiently. Prioritize loan repayment to reduce interest burden. Consider prepaying whenever possible.

Rental Income
Utilize rental income to support loan repayments and boost savings. Rental income can also supplement your retirement corpus.

Detailed Investment Plan
Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds are essential for long-term growth. They offer high returns but come with market volatility. Diversify across different types:

Large-Cap Funds: Invest in well-established companies. Lower risk.
Mid-Cap Funds: Invest in medium-sized companies. Higher growth potential.
Small-Cap Funds: Invest in smaller companies. Highest growth potential but high risk.
Flexi-Cap Funds: Invest across all market capitalizations. Provides flexibility and diversification.
Debt Mutual Funds
Debt funds offer stability and are less volatile than equity funds. They are ideal for generating regular income and preserving capital. Types of debt funds:

Liquid Funds: Short-term investments with high liquidity.
Short-Term Debt Funds: Suitable for 1-3 year investment horizon.
Long-Term Debt Funds: Suitable for more than 3 years. Provides better returns with moderate risk.
Hybrid Funds
Hybrid funds invest in both equity and debt, offering a balanced approach. They aim to provide growth with stability. Types of hybrid funds:

Balanced Funds: Equal exposure to equity and debt.
Aggressive Hybrid Funds: Higher exposure to equity.
Conservative Hybrid Funds: Higher exposure to debt.
Safe and Tax-Efficient Investments
SSY and PPF
Continue contributing to SSY and PPF. They offer tax benefits and guaranteed returns. Ideal for long-term savings.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Regular investments through SIPs in mutual funds can help build a substantial corpus over time. SIPs provide the benefit of rupee cost averaging and compounding.

Tax Planning
Efficient Withdrawal Strategy
Plan your withdrawals to minimize tax liabilities. Utilize the annual tax exemptions on long-term capital gains.

Tax-Efficient Investments
Invest in instruments that offer tax benefits under Section 80C, such as ELSS funds, PPF, and SSY.

Risk Management
Insurance
Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance. It protects your family and your investments in case of unforeseen events.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover 6-12 months of expenses. It provides financial security during unexpected situations.

Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regular Review
Review your portfolio annually to ensure it aligns with your goals. Make adjustments based on market conditions and personal circumstances.

Rebalancing
Rebalance your portfolio periodically to maintain the desired asset allocation. It helps manage risk and optimize returns.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Professional Management
Actively managed funds are managed by professional fund managers who make investment decisions based on market research and analysis.

Potential for Higher Returns
Active management aims to outperform the market by selecting high-potential securities. It can provide higher returns compared to passive funds.

Flexibility
Fund managers can respond to market changes and take advantage of investment opportunities, offering flexibility and adaptability.

Final Insights
You have a solid foundation with a diversified investment strategy and a clear retirement goal. To retire by 50 with a monthly income of 5 lakhs, focus on:

Diversifying Investments: Spread investments across equity, debt, and hybrid funds.
Managing Liabilities: Prioritize loan repayment and utilize rental income.
Compounding: Start early and stay invested for long-term growth.
Tax Planning: Optimize withdrawals and invest in tax-efficient instruments.
Risk Management: Ensure adequate insurance and maintain an emergency fund.
Regular Monitoring: Review and rebalance your portfolio periodically.
Your proactive approach and disciplined investing will help you achieve your retirement goal. Stay committed and keep monitoring your progress.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6625 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 30, 2024

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I am 40 years old. I have 3 plots worth 40 lakhs, 10 lacs in MF, 8 lacs in PPF, 6 lacs in SSY. I have two daughters of 8 years and 3 years. My current salary is 1 lac per month.I want retirement at 50 with 1 lac per month regular income.
Ans: You have a solid foundation. Your assets include three plots worth Rs 40 lakhs, Rs 10 lakhs in mutual funds, Rs 8 lakhs in PPF, and Rs 6 lakhs in SSY. Your monthly salary is Rs 1 lakh. Your goal is to retire at 50 with a monthly income of Rs 1 lakh.

Assessing Existing Investments
Real Estate Holdings

You have three plots worth Rs 40 lakhs. Real estate can be a stable asset. However, it's less liquid. You may consider keeping these plots for long-term appreciation. Avoid additional real estate investments for diversification.

Mutual Funds

You have Rs 10 lakhs in mutual funds. Actively managed funds are beneficial. They offer better returns than index funds due to expert management. Direct funds lack personalized advice. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures guidance and higher returns.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)

You have Rs 8 lakhs in PPF. PPF is a secure, long-term investment. It offers tax benefits and decent returns. Continue investing in PPF for risk-free growth.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY)

You have Rs 6 lakhs in SSY for your daughters. This scheme offers high interest rates and tax benefits. Continue contributions for your daughters’ future needs.

Retirement Planning
To achieve your goal, you need a strategy. Here are the key steps:

Increase Mutual Fund Investments

Increase monthly SIPs in actively managed funds.
Aim for a diversified portfolio of equity, debt, and balanced funds.
Consult a CFP for personalized fund selection.
Maximize PPF Contributions

Max out your PPF contributions annually.
Benefit from the compound interest and tax savings.
Consider SSY for Daughters

Keep contributing to SSY for long-term benefits.
This will secure their education and marriage expenses.
Future Contributions and Savings
Monthly Savings Allocation

Increase your savings rate. Aim for 30-40% of your income.
Allocate funds to PPF, SSY, and mutual funds.
Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses.
Keep this fund in a liquid asset like a savings account or liquid fund.
Insurance Needs
Life Insurance

Ensure adequate life insurance coverage.
Term insurance is a cost-effective option.
Coverage should be at least 10 times your annual income.
Health Insurance

Have a comprehensive health insurance plan for your family.
Ensure it covers all major illnesses and hospitalization expenses.
Tax Planning
Tax-Saving Investments

Utilize tax-saving options like ELSS, PPF, and SSY.
This will reduce your taxable income and enhance savings.
Final Insights
Your current financial position is strong. With focused planning, you can achieve your retirement goal. Prioritize diversified investments, tax planning, and insurance. Regularly review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner. This approach will ensure a secure and comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6625 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 18, 2024Hindi
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Hi sir, I am 35years old.i have 5year old son.my salary and my wife it's 120000, Total medical insurance is 20lack. Pf 9000 per month mutual fund 11000 per month and I have a flat of 65lack.i want to retire at 50.
Ans: Current Financial Situation
Income: Combined salary of Rs 1,20,000 per month.

Medical Insurance: Coverage of Rs 20 lakhs for your family.

Provident Fund: Rs 9,000 per month.

Mutual Fund Investment: Rs 11,000 per month.

Property: Own a flat valued at Rs 65 lakhs.

Son's Age: 5 years old.

Retirement Planning
Goal: Retire at age 50. This gives you 15 years to build a retirement corpus.

Corpus Needed: You need a substantial corpus to sustain post-retirement. This includes living expenses, medical needs, and inflation.

Investments Assessment
Provident Fund: Stable and secure. Continue contributing.

Mutual Funds: Good choice for long-term wealth creation. Ensure you have a diversified portfolio.

Property: Avoid considering it as a liquid asset for retirement. Focus on financial instruments instead.

Increasing Investments
Enhance SIPs: Increase SIP contributions gradually. Aim for a higher monthly investment.

Equity Exposure: Ensure a good mix of equity mutual funds. Equity offers higher returns over the long term.

Debt Funds: Balance your portfolio with some debt funds for stability.

Insurance Review
Medical Insurance: Rs 20 lakhs is decent coverage. Review it periodically to ensure it meets future needs.

Life Insurance: Ensure adequate life cover. Consider term plans for sufficient coverage.

Education Fund for Son
Higher Education: Start a dedicated fund for your son's higher education. Education costs will rise significantly.

Investment Options: Use a mix of child plans and mutual funds to build this corpus.

Reducing Debt
Home Loan: If you have a home loan on your flat, plan to repay it before retirement.

Debt-Free Retirement: Aim to enter retirement without any liabilities.

Professional Guidance
Certified Financial Planner: Consult a Certified Financial Planner for a detailed plan. They can help you balance risk and return.

Regular Reviews: Periodically review your financial plan. Make adjustments based on life changes and market conditions.

Final Insights
Consistent Savings: Regular and disciplined savings are key to achieving your goals.

Balanced Portfolio: Maintain a balanced portfolio to manage risks.

Focus on Long-Term: Keep a long-term perspective for investments. Avoid short-term market fluctuations.

Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an emergency fund. It should cover at least 6 months of expenses.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Either one of two things is happening- you are reading her intentions wrong because so far she has made no verbal confirmation of her interest in you. Or, she is deliberately giving you mixed signals to manipulate you and keep you on the hook. I'd say the first one might be an honest mistake but the second comes very close to a toxic trait. I'd suggest you to be careful in dealing with this person. If she does not directly admit that she is interested in you, do not approach her. Consider her blocking and rejecting you as a final NO, even if it might not be so. Do the right thing, even if she isn't.

If she likes you, let her approach you. If that doesn't happen, focus on moving on. After all, you have not been in a relationship or have deep emotions for her. From what you have said, it seems like you barely know her. You deserve someone who is clear about their feelings for you.
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Hi, I am not yet mairred. I used to like a man and after a month we decided to get married. He was of my caste so I thought my parents won't deny this mairrage. I used to talk to and wanted to let him know everything about my past so that we can built a strong root of our relationship. I spoke every detail of my past life to him. Then before he proposed me for mairrage I went for a vacation with my male friend to dehradun. I didn't tell him that day as he didn't proposed me till that day then why would I tell everything about me to anyone. He was noone to me at that time. After that he came to visit me in Delhi and on the same when he was on train a friend of mine along with his fiance came to meet me after a very long time. I asked him and he didn't denied. After returning home he blocked me. I cried and cried, called multiple times but he didn't received my call. Even I went to his location and waited for almost 3 hr but he didn't came. Then I asked my sister to call him. Then he talked to me but he said me so much of harsh and vulgar words that I went in shock. I cried a lot but he went on humiliating me. But somehow I convinced him to stay with me. I never talked to that friend ever. Then I told my parents about him that I want to get married with this men. Being a girl's father my father enquired about him by being annonymous. And trust me noone has said anything good about him. Later on we get to know that his father has a murder case on him of his brother in law. But then I wanted to get married. Finally my parents agreed only for my happines. Meanwhile I was never being respected by him. He always doubt me, humiliate me, abuse me mentally and physically, and when I was like I don't want to be with you he used to say sorry and begged me to be with him. He even used to restrict to visit my uncle aunty. His mother wants used to defend him and never used to make him realise that he was wrong. Then before engagement we went to Kolkata to buy dress. Yes one more thing I have informed him on the very first day that I used to drink and smoke occassionally. So whenever he used to visit me he always wanted to drink with me whether I want it or not. He always used to abuse me and humiliate me in front of everyone after drinking, so after a period of time I used to avoid drinking. Then he used to fight with me for that also that why will you not drink. In kolkata the same thing happen. We stayed there for 3 days and he was convincing to go to club from the very first day but I refused. On 3rd he hit me. After engagement his family asked for dowry. After a lot of dealing my parents agreed for an amount. But I felt betrayed. I stopped talking. After after when I initiated the conversation he picked up a fight and said he won't marry. I tried to convince. But when everyone was blaming me then I broke my silence and said everything about him to my parent. But he manipulated everything and made me villain. My parents want me to get married What should I do
Ans: Dear Akriti,
After reading your question I can only give you one advice, please do not marry him no matter what people say. Even if we overlook every other red flag that he has exhibited, abuse of any form is unacceptable. Why are you trying to convince your parents to marry a guy who hits you? Do you think you deserve it or anyone, for that matter, deserves that?

Now, no matter who tries to manipulate you, or however much they try to convince you, get out of the relationship for the love and self-respect you have for yourself. It is a big decision but in your case, it is worth making that big decision. I'd normally never tell people they should this or they shouldn't do that, but in your case, no sane person would ever suggest you marry this man and be subjected to abuse for the rest of your life.
Please make the right choice.

Best Wishes

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 06, 2024Hindi
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I am dating a person for 5years when we are doing internship. He is always there whenever I need any support and help in my bad time. He will protect me and loves me a lot. It is my first dating experience initially when we start dating we have intense attachment but I thought we would not be remain together for much longer time. I was always interested in good looking handsome man he is not that fair and handsome. Also he is from different caste and region(he is Bihari and I am from Uttarakhand) and in his family he has mom and sister(they are finding a match for her).I don’t know if I should marry him or not. Because I am not comfortable with his family(his mother is somewhat very concerned about his son not captured by any girl). So I think it will be a struggle for him to convince her. But my question is it is worth to go for love marriage if the boy loves you a lot but still I think there is gap with the criteria of being handsome which I dream as a young girl story even our bonds are getting stronger Please suggest what to do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Appearance does not last a lifetime. Are you sure it is that important for you? After all, you fell in love with a man whose appearance isn't his best quality. Makes me wonder if you are just giving into the societal construct of wanting to marry for good looks.

Next, if you are concerned about your future in his house, it is best not to rush anything in terms of getting married. Think about it; have a clear discussion with him about the kind of future he can offer you. Love isn't the only thread that holds onto a relationship.

I cannot tell you if you should pursue this relationship, but I can tell you that you shouldn't break up with someone because they are not fair or handsome by your standards.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

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Ravi Mittal  |360 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I’m a 26 yr old woman, was in a relationship with my classmate from school a year ago. We dated for a few months and then talked to my parents about us as they had started looking for matches for me in arranged marriage . Once I told them about us they got very emotional and didn’t agree for our marriage as we are from different caste. So we decided to breakup and just stay as friends but we are not able to move on from each other ..it’s been 6 months now, my parents have started looking for alliances for me again now but I’m not getting any interest in these because I’m not able to forget him. But I’m also scared to take a strong decision to hurt my parents and get married to him because I’m a very sensitive person and sometimes he behaves manipulative with some people and I’m scared he’ll do that with me also if any fights happen with him or his family. But I’m not able to forget him. Please tell me what to do as I have lost peace and crying every night.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Sounds like you are torn between your feelings for him and love and respect for your parents. Firstly, acknowledge that you are allowed to feel confused. Next, understand that you deserve a relationship where you feel happy and safe. Will this relationship give you that? Take some time to evaluate whether staying with him will align with your goal of long-term happiness. You have mentioned manipulation; consider that too when gauging the potential of this relationship.

Coming to your parents, you can try gently communicating your unwillingness to get married to someone else right now. That does not automatically translate to your desire to marry this guy. It can also mean that you need some time to figure things out. Ultimately, you need to make a decision that makes you happy- whether it means working things out with him or taking a separate path. I am sure you will make the right choice.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

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Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Mam i am a 52 year ols women i have never had a secure relationship only who wanted to have s.Marriage in proposals too dint work for me. At late 40 age i met a guy it was all good till start 1 year but since 3 years we just fight my fault to as i have no family no friends and all i have to look after 2 aged parents and i am deep involved my life is just that. This relationship is good to talk on phone as all i do is talk my problems 24 by 7 365 days which i understands upsets him. But i see no effort too from him for meeting planning dates and if i do i pay for it all he never pays . I lost interest felt disappointed after going on saying he never tries to make plans talk future his family finance. I am not sure what i should do stay or live my life alone which i was always doing.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Start fresh and if you had a clean slate, what would you want to draw on it?
All your miseries or what you actually want from life?
When you meet someone new and you dump your set of issues on them, how exactly do you think they are going to be interested in taking you out on a date?
Your prospective life partner is not a dumping yard for your life's problems BUT a person that is going to marry you and support you and who you can trust. And will you start this relationship by actually talking only about your problems? Honestly, you need to ask yourself if you will be interested in a guy who keeps ranting about all things going wrong...
Establish a connection by being on a positive ground and showing the other person that you care and also are interested in knowing about them. This interest will let them lower their guard down and actually connect with you at an emotional level and then you can pursue this as a potential life partner association...somewhere down the line, they will be genuinely interested in being a part of your challenges and that's when you make them your strength to solve these challenges. Am I making sense to you?
Do you see how you have been sabotaging your own future? Dust yourself, become genuinely interested in people not to dump your problems on them but to make a genuine connection and watch how things change for you. Prioritize your life not your problems!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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