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Stuck in a 5-year relationship: Confused about marrying a supportive partner who doesn't tick all my boxes

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |618 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am dating a person for 5years when we are doing internship. He is always there whenever I need any support and help in my bad time. He will protect me and loves me a lot. It is my first dating experience initially when we start dating we have intense attachment but I thought we would not be remain together for much longer time. I was always interested in good looking handsome man he is not that fair and handsome. Also he is from different caste and region(he is Bihari and I am from Uttarakhand) and in his family he has mom and sister(they are finding a match for her).I don’t know if I should marry him or not. Because I am not comfortable with his family(his mother is somewhat very concerned about his son not captured by any girl). So I think it will be a struggle for him to convince her. But my question is it is worth to go for love marriage if the boy loves you a lot but still I think there is gap with the criteria of being handsome which I dream as a young girl story even our bonds are getting stronger Please suggest what to do.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Appearance does not last a lifetime. Are you sure it is that important for you? After all, you fell in love with a man whose appearance isn't his best quality. Makes me wonder if you are just giving into the societal construct of wanting to marry for good looks.

Next, if you are concerned about your future in his house, it is best not to rush anything in terms of getting married. Think about it; have a clear discussion with him about the kind of future he can offer you. Love isn't the only thread that holds onto a relationship.

I cannot tell you if you should pursue this relationship, but I can tell you that you shouldn't break up with someone because they are not fair or handsome by your standards.

Best Wishes.

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Love Guru

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Asked by Anonymous - Apr 15, 2024Hindi
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Hi..I just saw your page and found this is the right page where I can get answer.. I am so confused and so my thoughts coming in my mind and noone in my life which I can tell. However, I found you hopefully you'll get my answer I want to marry with my partner but he is not earning as much and I'm also earning but we both started our career in 2023. And my parents wants I should get Marry with someone and he is searching. But I told my parents that I love someone but the issue is he is not from my caste that is not the big issue main issue is that my partner belongs from very nuclear family like his mother and sister is there and noone is there in his family and my parents also saying the boy is not earning a good salary and noone is there in his family how will you be happy and I don't think so he is good for you.. but my partner loves me so much he loves me till 6 years and he waited for me also. My question is that for getting a married is all this stuff matters ? My parents is arising so many questions somehow she denied..should I convince to my parents or they are saying right ??
Ans: The salary is not a problem, if he doesn’t have misplaced ego about his wife earning more than him; some men are broad-minded enough to even be proud of their wives earning more. Nor is caste; love has no fixed faith. But this nuclear family business is a red flag; I would strictly advice not living under the same roof with his mother and sister. There is bound to be friction. Then relations sour and your marriage gets strained. If he is willing to step out from under their shadow and live separately with you, and the money-making is not an issue for him, you’re making the right choice of partner. If either of the above is not realistic, I would suggest you stop trying to convince your parents and listen to what they have to say.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1647 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My name is Anamika 27 years old from Punjab and about 17 months back i met person prakash from Bangalore age 42 through social media and initially it started as friendship and now we are loving each other a lot and we have met once and both spent considerable time together and we are ok to get married each other...problem is my family will not accept for love marriage and they are against love marrisges...i am punjabi and boy is south indian..there is 15 years age gap between us..for that reason also my family members will not accept boy...because he is 15 years elder than me...boy is already married and divorced...now i am planning to run away from home and get married with boy...as my family will not allow me to marry the person whom i love a lot...and don't want to miss thst boy...please advise what i can do in this given situation...i have brother too who is very aggressive and supporting my parents
Ans: Dear Anamika,
By running away, you are only making things more complicated for yourself.
You said: That you family WILL NOT accept this...how do you know if you still haven't asked them?
Also, let's say that they say NO...Find out what their concern is...being from the previous generation, they most likely might have an issue with him being divorced; which means you need to make an effort to make the boy and your parents meet. Let them also see what you see in him.
How easy it is to run away rather than actually facing things head on, right? Face the, fix them, work on them...then you will have a chance at more blossoming relationships. No where in your letter, I could read what the boy's opinion or reaction to the matter is. What does he feel about all this? How committed is he as you are the one planning to leave everything behind? How is his family background? These are missing gaps in your story and I urge you to look into this before taking any step. Marriage is not a movie type fairy tale; it is literally breaking into a new life and making something together as a couple. Do you two have that in you? Think...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |619 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 22, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hii ma'am... I'm in relationship with my boyfriend for about 5 years and we both love each other a lot..We are doing MBBS and preparing for IAS alongside..He is an amazing human being.. considerate kind honest compassionate...He is really smart intelligent and determined to achieve everything he sets his eyes on...He is just so confident... a good human being...He respects me a lot..never been a time in 5 years he yelled at me in loud voice or he said or did something bad to me...like he loves me a lot and says he is doing everything for me.. his studies achievements and all are for me..He is everything I will want in a husband The problem is ... I'm a Jaat girl and he is Brahmin boy..His family agreed to our marriage...my parents are not ready at any cost for an intercaste marriage I'm from a well off family..my parents both are in govt jobs..He isn't from a rich family so my parents say that there needs to be a family background otherwise you will face problems...They say that I should find a boy who matches me in the looks.. They don't like his looks...Also his and mine home are almost 300 km from each other adding to the problem...my parents say that they won't want me to live so far from them that they can't even meet me regularly...They say that you will be busy in jobs and being so far we won't be able to meet you and you also won't be able to come..he should've been from same district... Their main objections are.. Intercaste..His looks.. Family background..Money.. Distance They have sacrificed a lot for me and I've always been a child who didn't ask for anything..never saying no to my parents..and all.. Always been close to them..it is very difficult for me to hurt them...but I love this boy so much..I can't even imagine marrying someone else..He is everything I would ever want in a husband... Ma'am please consider all the aspects and please advise accordingly what should be done..are my parents right..or they aren't...what should I do.. I'm stuck..
Ans: One thing that’s important to consider is that, ultimately, the person you marry will be the one who you will spend your life with—not your parents. It’s you who will navigate the everyday realities of this partnership. You’ve already seen the kind of partner your boyfriend is, and it sounds like you trust him deeply. He’s shown commitment, love, and respect, and those qualities are foundational to a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship.

When it comes to your parents, their concerns about caste, financial background, and distance are understandable, but these are challenges that many couples can and do overcome. Financial stability can change with time, and distance is something that can be managed with compromise, especially if both you and your partner have career goals that align. What matters most is the emotional connection and support you offer each other. It’s possible that once your parents see how happy and fulfilled you are with him, they may come around, even if it takes time.

I think one of the most crucial steps here is communication—not just with your boyfriend, but with your parents. You mentioned that you’ve always been a respectful and compliant child, and that’s a beautiful testament to the relationship you’ve shared with them. However, this might be the moment where you need to lovingly express your desires and assert your independence as an adult. Your happiness and well-being in a marriage should be the central concern. Try having an open, calm conversation with them where you acknowledge their concerns but also explain how deeply you feel for your boyfriend, emphasizing the qualities that truly matter to you—his kindness, his respect for you, and the life you want to build together.

While it’s natural to want your parents’ approval and blessing, it’s also important to recognize that they might not fully understand your relationship unless they see it from your perspective. It’s not about rebelling or hurting them—it’s about being honest with them about who you are now and what you want for your future. It may take time for them to come to terms with it, but as they see the strength of your commitment, they may begin to soften their stance.

If, after many conversations, they still cannot accept your choice, you’ll have to weigh your options. You can continue to work on slowly helping them see your perspective, or you may have to make a decision that prioritizes your happiness, even if it’s difficult in the short term. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and being with someone who supports, loves, and respects you as your boyfriend does will be far more valuable in the long run than external factors like caste or background.

Ultimately, it’s about what kind of life and partnership you envision for yourself. If your boyfriend is the one who aligns with your values, dreams, and emotional needs, you might need to help your parents understand that, even if it means navigating some tough conversations ahead.

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Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2025

Money
Hi I am 46.working in Pvt sector. Able to save 10000rs per month. Don't have much savings or investment. Kindly guide me how to invest this amount to build up a good corpus in coming 10 years
Ans: You are 46 years old and saving Rs.10,000 every month. You want to create a strong investment plan for the next 10 years. You do not have much existing savings. That’s perfectly okay. You are ready to act now. That’s what matters.

Here is a detailed, simple, and practical 360-degree plan.

? Understand your financial starting point
– You are 46 years old, working in private sector.
– You are able to save Rs.10,000 monthly.
– You have minimal past savings or investments.
– You have not mentioned any LIC, ULIP, or insurance-based investments.
– You are now planning for a better financial future in 10 years.

That’s a great and timely decision.

? Clarify your financial goals
– Think about what you want after 10 years.
– Is it retirement? Or a second income source?
– Or your child’s higher education or marriage?
– Having a clear goal helps in better investment planning.
– You can define your goal in simple terms.
– Also, prioritise between must-have goals and good-to-have goals.

This brings better clarity and commitment.

? Monthly savings are your superpower
– Rs.10,000/month may look small. But it’s powerful.
– In 10 years, it can create meaningful wealth.
– Consistency is more important than amount.
– Keep saving without breaks.
– Even in tough months, try not to skip SIPs.

Discipline is your biggest strength now.

? Emergency fund is your safety net
– You should first build a safety buffer.
– Set aside 6 months of your monthly expenses.
– If monthly expense is Rs.30,000, build Rs.1.8 lakh buffer.
– Start with Rs.1 lakh in savings and liquid fund.
– Keep 30% in savings bank. Keep 70% in liquid fund.
– Avoid fixed deposits. Early withdrawal charges reduce returns.
– Liquid funds are better than savings.
– They offer next-day withdrawal and better returns.

Build emergency fund first. Then start investing for long-term goals.

? Avoid index funds for long-term wealth creation
– Index funds are unmanaged. They just copy the market index.
– They don’t protect you during falling markets.
– They drop fast during crashes.
– They don’t adjust to changing market conditions.
– You need smart fund management for long-term growth.
– Actively managed funds are better.
– They are run by professional fund managers.
– These managers buy or sell based on research.
– You benefit from their market insights.
– In India, actively managed funds have outperformed index funds.

Index funds may look cheap. But they cost returns in long run.

? Avoid direct plans if you are not an expert
– Direct plans don’t give you guidance.
– You must decide fund, amount, changes, rebalancing – all on your own.
– No help during volatile markets.
– No suggestions when your goals change.
– Regular plans through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) give guidance.
– You get support in fund selection and goal planning.
– CFPs help you avoid costly mistakes.
– They also review your portfolio regularly.
– Regular plans help you stay invested calmly.
– Investing is not just numbers. It’s also behaviour.

Handholding matters more than small expense ratio difference.

? Begin with 2–3 strong equity mutual funds
– Start with only 2 or 3 diversified equity funds.
– Choose Flexi Cap and Large & Midcap categories.
– These give good mix of large and mid companies.
– Add a Balanced Advantage Fund for market stability.
– These funds shift between equity and debt automatically.
– You don’t need to monitor markets daily.
– Avoid sector funds, international funds, thematic funds.
– They are risky and not suitable for your stage.
– Don’t try to pick many funds.
– Few good funds are enough.

Over-diversification leads to confusion, not better returns.

? Allocate SIP amounts with simplicity
– You can start SIP of Rs.4,000 in Flexi Cap fund.
– Rs.3,000 in Large & Midcap fund.
– Rs.3,000 in Balanced Advantage fund.
– Total = Rs.10,000/month.

This is simple and powerful allocation.

? Increase SIPs every year
– Try to increase your SIPs by 5–10% yearly.
– If income rises, increase investments first before expenses.
– Even Rs.1,000 extra per year makes a big difference.
– Over 10 years, this boosts final corpus strongly.

Growth in SIP is more important than one-time investments.

? Keep equity investments long term
– Don’t withdraw before 10 years.
– Let the money grow through compounding.
– Equity markets have ups and downs.
– But they reward patient investors over time.
– If you panic in short term, you lose returns.

Time is your best friend in equity.

? Avoid investment-linked insurance policies
– Don’t mix insurance with investment.
– LIC policies, endowment plans, ULIPs give poor returns.
– They promise returns, but deliver less than inflation.
– Keep insurance separate and simple.
– Buy term insurance if not already taken.
– Premium is low, cover is high.

Investment-cum-insurance products dilute both goals.

? Review portfolio every year
– Fund performance must be tracked once a year.
– Change the fund if it underperforms for 2 years.
– Rebalance if one fund grows too big.
– Your Certified Financial Planner will help with review.
– Don’t switch funds often. Review, not react.

Long-term success comes from patience and planning.

? Understand tax impact of mutual funds
– Long Term Capital Gains above Rs.1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.
– Short Term Capital Gains are taxed at 20%.
– For debt funds, both gains are taxed as per your tax slab.
– Plan your withdrawals smartly.
– Take help of your CFP before redeeming.

Tax planning can save you big money.

? Stay away from risky investments
– Don’t invest in stock tips or small companies.
– Don’t try F&O or day trading.
– Stay away from chit funds and ponzi schemes.
– Don’t follow friends or relatives blindly.

Stick to mutual funds with professional guidance.

? Stay consistent with your plan
– Don’t stop SIPs due to short-term events.
– Avoid taking emotional decisions based on news.
– Focus on your goals, not market noise.
– Investing is like growing a tree.
– Give time, water it regularly, don’t uproot.

Consistency builds wealth quietly and surely.

? Create financial discipline in your life
– Avoid unnecessary expenses.
– Track your income and spending.
– Set automatic SIPs.
– Pay off credit card bills fully.
– Don’t take loans for gadgets or travel.
– Start saving before spending.

Good habits support good investments.

? Finally
– You are starting at 46, but that’s not late.
– Many people don’t start at all.
– Rs.10,000/month for 10 years with right discipline is powerful.
– Focus on quality funds.
– Stick to your goals.
– Review annually.
– Stay invested with the help of a Certified Financial Planner.
– Avoid direct plans if you’re not hands-on.
– Avoid index funds.
– Build emergency fund first.
– Increase SIP yearly.
– Don’t stop investing.
– Your 10-year wealth plan is now in motion.

Let your money work quietly. You stay focused and calm.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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