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Stuck in a 5-year relationship: Confused about marrying a supportive partner who doesn't tick all my boxes

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am dating a person for 5years when we are doing internship. He is always there whenever I need any support and help in my bad time. He will protect me and loves me a lot. It is my first dating experience initially when we start dating we have intense attachment but I thought we would not be remain together for much longer time. I was always interested in good looking handsome man he is not that fair and handsome. Also he is from different caste and region(he is Bihari and I am from Uttarakhand) and in his family he has mom and sister(they are finding a match for her).I don’t know if I should marry him or not. Because I am not comfortable with his family(his mother is somewhat very concerned about his son not captured by any girl). So I think it will be a struggle for him to convince her. But my question is it is worth to go for love marriage if the boy loves you a lot but still I think there is gap with the criteria of being handsome which I dream as a young girl story even our bonds are getting stronger Please suggest what to do.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Appearance does not last a lifetime. Are you sure it is that important for you? After all, you fell in love with a man whose appearance isn't his best quality. Makes me wonder if you are just giving into the societal construct of wanting to marry for good looks.

Next, if you are concerned about your future in his house, it is best not to rush anything in terms of getting married. Think about it; have a clear discussion with him about the kind of future he can offer you. Love isn't the only thread that holds onto a relationship.

I cannot tell you if you should pursue this relationship, but I can tell you that you shouldn't break up with someone because they are not fair or handsome by your standards.

Best Wishes.

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 15, 2024Hindi
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Hi..I just saw your page and found this is the right page where I can get answer.. I am so confused and so my thoughts coming in my mind and noone in my life which I can tell. However, I found you hopefully you'll get my answer I want to marry with my partner but he is not earning as much and I'm also earning but we both started our career in 2023. And my parents wants I should get Marry with someone and he is searching. But I told my parents that I love someone but the issue is he is not from my caste that is not the big issue main issue is that my partner belongs from very nuclear family like his mother and sister is there and noone is there in his family and my parents also saying the boy is not earning a good salary and noone is there in his family how will you be happy and I don't think so he is good for you.. but my partner loves me so much he loves me till 6 years and he waited for me also. My question is that for getting a married is all this stuff matters ? My parents is arising so many questions somehow she denied..should I convince to my parents or they are saying right ??
Ans: The salary is not a problem, if he doesn’t have misplaced ego about his wife earning more than him; some men are broad-minded enough to even be proud of their wives earning more. Nor is caste; love has no fixed faith. But this nuclear family business is a red flag; I would strictly advice not living under the same roof with his mother and sister. There is bound to be friction. Then relations sour and your marriage gets strained. If he is willing to step out from under their shadow and live separately with you, and the money-making is not an issue for him, you’re making the right choice of partner. If either of the above is not realistic, I would suggest you stop trying to convince your parents and listen to what they have to say.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My name is Anamika 27 years old from Punjab and about 17 months back i met person prakash from Bangalore age 42 through social media and initially it started as friendship and now we are loving each other a lot and we have met once and both spent considerable time together and we are ok to get married each other...problem is my family will not accept for love marriage and they are against love marrisges...i am punjabi and boy is south indian..there is 15 years age gap between us..for that reason also my family members will not accept boy...because he is 15 years elder than me...boy is already married and divorced...now i am planning to run away from home and get married with boy...as my family will not allow me to marry the person whom i love a lot...and don't want to miss thst boy...please advise what i can do in this given situation...i have brother too who is very aggressive and supporting my parents
Ans: Dear Anamika,
By running away, you are only making things more complicated for yourself.
You said: That you family WILL NOT accept this...how do you know if you still haven't asked them?
Also, let's say that they say NO...Find out what their concern is...being from the previous generation, they most likely might have an issue with him being divorced; which means you need to make an effort to make the boy and your parents meet. Let them also see what you see in him.
How easy it is to run away rather than actually facing things head on, right? Face the, fix them, work on them...then you will have a chance at more blossoming relationships. No where in your letter, I could read what the boy's opinion or reaction to the matter is. What does he feel about all this? How committed is he as you are the one planning to leave everything behind? How is his family background? These are missing gaps in your story and I urge you to look into this before taking any step. Marriage is not a movie type fairy tale; it is literally breaking into a new life and making something together as a couple. Do you two have that in you? Think...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 22, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hii ma'am... I'm in relationship with my boyfriend for about 5 years and we both love each other a lot..We are doing MBBS and preparing for IAS alongside..He is an amazing human being.. considerate kind honest compassionate...He is really smart intelligent and determined to achieve everything he sets his eyes on...He is just so confident... a good human being...He respects me a lot..never been a time in 5 years he yelled at me in loud voice or he said or did something bad to me...like he loves me a lot and says he is doing everything for me.. his studies achievements and all are for me..He is everything I will want in a husband The problem is ... I'm a Jaat girl and he is Brahmin boy..His family agreed to our marriage...my parents are not ready at any cost for an intercaste marriage I'm from a well off family..my parents both are in govt jobs..He isn't from a rich family so my parents say that there needs to be a family background otherwise you will face problems...They say that I should find a boy who matches me in the looks.. They don't like his looks...Also his and mine home are almost 300 km from each other adding to the problem...my parents say that they won't want me to live so far from them that they can't even meet me regularly...They say that you will be busy in jobs and being so far we won't be able to meet you and you also won't be able to come..he should've been from same district... Their main objections are.. Intercaste..His looks.. Family background..Money.. Distance They have sacrificed a lot for me and I've always been a child who didn't ask for anything..never saying no to my parents..and all.. Always been close to them..it is very difficult for me to hurt them...but I love this boy so much..I can't even imagine marrying someone else..He is everything I would ever want in a husband... Ma'am please consider all the aspects and please advise accordingly what should be done..are my parents right..or they aren't...what should I do.. I'm stuck..
Ans: One thing that’s important to consider is that, ultimately, the person you marry will be the one who you will spend your life with—not your parents. It’s you who will navigate the everyday realities of this partnership. You’ve already seen the kind of partner your boyfriend is, and it sounds like you trust him deeply. He’s shown commitment, love, and respect, and those qualities are foundational to a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship.

When it comes to your parents, their concerns about caste, financial background, and distance are understandable, but these are challenges that many couples can and do overcome. Financial stability can change with time, and distance is something that can be managed with compromise, especially if both you and your partner have career goals that align. What matters most is the emotional connection and support you offer each other. It’s possible that once your parents see how happy and fulfilled you are with him, they may come around, even if it takes time.

I think one of the most crucial steps here is communication—not just with your boyfriend, but with your parents. You mentioned that you’ve always been a respectful and compliant child, and that’s a beautiful testament to the relationship you’ve shared with them. However, this might be the moment where you need to lovingly express your desires and assert your independence as an adult. Your happiness and well-being in a marriage should be the central concern. Try having an open, calm conversation with them where you acknowledge their concerns but also explain how deeply you feel for your boyfriend, emphasizing the qualities that truly matter to you—his kindness, his respect for you, and the life you want to build together.

While it’s natural to want your parents’ approval and blessing, it’s also important to recognize that they might not fully understand your relationship unless they see it from your perspective. It’s not about rebelling or hurting them—it’s about being honest with them about who you are now and what you want for your future. It may take time for them to come to terms with it, but as they see the strength of your commitment, they may begin to soften their stance.

If, after many conversations, they still cannot accept your choice, you’ll have to weigh your options. You can continue to work on slowly helping them see your perspective, or you may have to make a decision that prioritizes your happiness, even if it’s difficult in the short term. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and being with someone who supports, loves, and respects you as your boyfriend does will be far more valuable in the long run than external factors like caste or background.

Ultimately, it’s about what kind of life and partnership you envision for yourself. If your boyfriend is the one who aligns with your values, dreams, and emotional needs, you might need to help your parents understand that, even if it means navigating some tough conversations ahead.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam, I am in a 14 year old relationship with a man, the relationship is quite healthy until now, but our families are not accepting for marriage. Since his parents are divorced and her elder sister to. Everyone in my family is against this marriage and not one person is supporting it, but we truly love each other. Even the boy does, and he is doing everything he can for a mutual acceptance. There is no divorce history in my family till date. So sometimes, even I get sceptical about taking this relationship forward as I understand the seriousness of marriage, but I also understand that there is attachment, love, commitment, duration, everything involved in this 14 year old relationship which will make it very hard to accept someone else in place of him, so basically, I want to marry the guy, but not his family I know that’s not possible, but then what should I do? Should I just take the step forward with total faith in the man, or should I marry somewhere else where everything is great, only love will be unsure. The man has connections with both his parents and there is no custody involved. In this case. He is in a good relationship with both the parents, although he lives with his mother and sister.
Ans: Fourteen years is a profound commitment, and the fact that both of you have nurtured such a bond reflects a solid foundation that’s not easy to find or replicate. The conflict seems to lie mainly in your family’s fears and cultural values around marriage and their concern about potential patterns in relationships. This is an understandable reaction from them, given the uniqueness of his family background compared to what they’ve experienced.

It’s natural for you to feel torn, especially since you value your family’s approval and understand the complexities that can arise in marriage. While family acceptance can provide a comforting support system, there are instances when it doesn’t fully align with one’s own heart. Marrying him would mean choosing to rely primarily on each other, despite family reservations, which could require extra resilience and patience as you move forward together. Since he has strong relationships with both parents, it may be reassuring that he has a healthy view of family, despite their past. This could suggest that he has personal maturity and the ability to build a stable, loving relationship with you.

At the same time, your family’s perspective doesn’t necessarily mean there’s any curse or pattern that would carry over into your marriage. The key to deciding might be to look at the qualities he brings to the relationship, how both of you handle challenges, and whether he brings stability, honesty, and emotional support. The longevity and health of your relationship are positive indicators, and if both of you have open communication about potential concerns—like how family dynamics might play a role in the future—you’ll likely be prepared to face those hurdles together.

You’re faced with a decision that balances taking a leap of faith with the potential for some family disappointment. If he is the partner with whom you see a fulfilling life, the choice to marry might ultimately come down to what feels right to you, independent of family fears. Love, trust, and understanding—especially those that withstand the test of time—are incredibly powerful foundations. So, if you believe in the strength of your bond and feel you could weather any storm together, choosing him could be a step toward building the kind of family you truly want, even if it’s unconventional by your family’s standards.

But if you’re still unsure, taking time to express all these feelings to him, to explore your shared values and long-term goals, and to be absolutely sure of the life you want to build can help reinforce whichever path feels right for you.

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Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7365 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi Team, I am 30 and have below SIPs. Please review them and let me know if i have to make any changes. Hdfc large & Mid cap fund - 5000 Motilal Oswal Mid cap fund - 5000 Kotak infrastructure and eco fund - 2000 PGIM India Mid Cap Opportunities Fund- 5000 SBI Contra -1500 Motila Oswal business cycle fund-3000 Focus is to continue SIP for longterm
Ans: Your portfolio reflects a proactive approach to wealth creation. Each fund serves a distinct purpose. Let's assess and optimise your investments for long-term growth.

Strengths of Your Current Portfolio
Diverse Investment Strategy: Your funds cover multiple segments like large-cap, mid-cap, and thematic investments.

Long-Term Focus: A consistent SIP approach aligns with compounding benefits and market cycles.

Mid-Cap Exposure: Allocating significant SIPs to mid-cap funds positions your portfolio for growth.

Inclusion of Thematic Funds: Thematic funds add sectoral focus, offering opportunities in specific growth areas.

Areas for Improvement
Concentration in Mid-Cap Funds: A high allocation to mid-cap funds can increase volatility. Diversification is key.

Overlapping Thematic Focus: Funds with sectoral or cyclical focus may overlap in strategy.

Balance Between Growth and Stability: Adding more stability-focused funds can protect the portfolio in downturns.

Fund-Specific Observations
Large and Mid-Cap Fund
This fund balances growth and stability.

Retain this allocation for consistent returns and risk management.

Mid-Cap Funds
Significant allocation to mid-cap funds is growth-oriented.

Review performance and overlap to avoid redundancy.

Consider reallocating some amount to flexi-cap funds for diversification.

Thematic Infrastructure Fund
Sector-focused funds can be volatile and dependent on market cycles.

Limit thematic exposure to 10% of your overall portfolio.

Monitor this fund closely to ensure it aligns with your goals.

Contra and Business Cycle Funds
Both funds are contrarian and cyclical in nature.

Overlapping strategies may lead to concentration risk.

Retain one fund and reallocate the other to a balanced or flexi-cap fund.

Recommendations for Portfolio Optimisation
Enhance Diversification
Add a balanced allocation to large-cap or flexi-cap funds for stability.

Diversification reduces risk and enhances long-term returns.

Monitor and Evaluate Performance
Regularly review fund performance to ensure alignment with goals.

Replace underperforming funds without hesitation.

Adjust Thematic and Sectoral Exposure
Limit thematic funds to a smaller portion of your portfolio.

Sector-focused funds are cyclical and require active monitoring.

Tax-Efficiency
Long-term equity fund gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh attract 12.5% tax.

Short-term gains attract a 20% tax.

Consider tax efficiency while planning redemptions.

Importance of Regular Funds
Direct funds lack personalised guidance and portfolio tracking.

Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures regular reviews and professional advice.

Regular funds offer value-added services and align with long-term goals.

Final Insights
Your portfolio is well-structured for long-term growth but needs refinement.

Reduce concentration in mid-cap and thematic funds for better risk management.

Increase exposure to diversified and balanced funds for stability.

Seek professional guidance to optimise performance and adapt to market trends.

Your disciplined SIP approach will reward you over time. Stay consistent and review periodically.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7365 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello, Sir. I am a 41-year-old male with a 9-year-old son and a housewife. I need advise on how to undertake financial planning because I want to retire early, perhaps at age 48-50. I am currently outside of India and have 2.5 crore in NRE FDs, roughly 60 lakhs in Mutual Funds, 8 lakhs in share market, and 8 lakhs in PF. I have floater health insurance for 15 lakhs. Some LIC's for roughly 5 lakhs. I have one rented flat that pays 12,000 per month and an ancestor property that pays 20,000. In the next 3-6 months, I plan to buy a one-crore flat and return to India permanently in the following few months.I plan to buy a one-crore flat in the next 3-6 months, return to India permanently in the next 1-2 months, and work for an IT company with an annual income of approximately 25-35 lacs. I know I lost the opportunity to invest some money during/after the covid time; else, I would have had a somewhat better portfolio. I need your advice on how to properly invest my FD's money.
Ans: Planning for early retirement requires careful analysis and structured execution. Your current financial situation reflects a strong foundation. Let’s optimise your resources to achieve your goals.

Assessing Current Financial Standing
Your assets are well-distributed across various instruments:

Rs. 2.5 crore in NRE FDs
Rs. 60 lakhs in Mutual Funds
Rs. 8 lakhs in shares
Rs. 8 lakhs in PF
Floater health insurance for Rs. 15 lakhs
Rs. 12,000 rental income from one flat
Rs. 20,000 rental income from ancestral property
LIC policies worth Rs. 5 lakhs
This portfolio indicates a mix of liquidity, growth, and stability.

Setting Clear Retirement Goals
Define retirement income needs based on desired lifestyle. Early retirement at 48-50 means funding 30-40 years of expenses.

Factor in inflation, medical needs, child’s education, and your family’s future financial security.

Challenges to Address
High allocation to fixed deposits (FDs), which have low returns post-tax.
Underutilisation of mutual funds and equity investments.
Managing new property purchase without compromising retirement corpus.
Optimising Your Investments
Fixed Deposits
Move a significant portion of FD funds to growth-oriented investments.
Retain only a portion for emergencies or short-term needs.
Mutual Funds
Increase allocation to diversified mutual funds.
Focus on a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap funds for growth.
Use regular plans through a Certified Financial Planner for personalised advice and portfolio tracking.
Share Market Investments
Rs. 8 lakhs in shares needs a review. Assess performance and risks.
Shift underperforming or speculative stocks to diversified equity funds.
Provident Fund
PF provides stability. Let it compound till retirement for assured returns.
LIC Policies
Evaluate LIC policies. Surrender low-yield policies and redirect funds to mutual funds.
Ensure sufficient life insurance coverage through term plans.
Managing Real Estate Investments
Your plan to purchase a flat for Rs. 1 crore is prudent. However:

Avoid using FD funds entirely for this purchase.
Opt for a small loan if needed, keeping EMIs manageable.
Leverage rental income from this property to supplement post-retirement income.
Health and Life Insurance
Your Rs. 15 lakh health insurance is adequate for now.
Increase coverage to Rs. 25-30 lakhs upon returning to India.
Secure a term insurance policy with sufficient coverage to protect your family.
Tax Efficiency
Post-return to India, your NRE FDs will lose tax exemptions.

Redirect funds to tax-efficient instruments like equity mutual funds and debt funds.
Long-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed favourably.
Child’s Education and Family’s Security
Allocate a dedicated corpus for your son’s higher education.
A mix of equity and balanced funds will help achieve this goal.
Emergency Fund
Set aside Rs. 15-20 lakhs as a liquid emergency fund.
Use liquid mutual funds or short-term debt funds for easy access.
Regular Monitoring and Review
Review your portfolio every 6-12 months with a Certified Financial Planner.
Adjust allocations based on market trends, personal goals, and economic changes.
Final Insights
Your financial foundation is solid. With strategic changes, you can retire early with confidence.

Diversify investments, optimise tax efficiency, and plan systematically for your goals. Stay disciplined and avoid speculative ventures.

Your foresight in seeking advice ensures a secure and fulfilling retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Nagarajan Jsk

Dr Nagarajan Jsk   |188 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

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Career
Hello! Sir This is Sravani.I am a M.Pharmacy postgraduate and has a work experience of 6 years in Quality control department in pharma industry.At present i am working in the same department. But i want to go for work from home job.so that i can spend time with my kids. Both my kids are in kindergarten. It's becoming tough for me to manage both job & kids as my working hours are too long. Please do suggest me any kind of work from home job which suits my profile. Regards Sravani
Ans: Hi Sravanthi,

It's great to hear that you have six years of experience in Quality Control (QC). As you know, QC roles are generally onsite, unlike IT roles that can often be done remotely. Given your expertise in QC, you have the option to transition to Quality Assurance (QA), Regulatory Affairs (RA), or the Validation team, but we need to assess the feasibility of such a shift. While it is uncommon, it is possible to find roles in RA, such as preparing and submitting documents, pharmacovigilance, or medical scribing. However, since these are not your areas of expertise, if you choose to pursue them, you may be considered a fresher in those fields.

You also mentioned that need to work long hours. Even with work from home (WFH), you will likely face similar challenges; once you log in, you cannot skip the tasks assigned to you. Being at home may hinder your ability to care for your children, creating additional difficulties.

If you are financially stable, you might consider quitting your current job to find other opportunities or to take care of your family. If not, you will need to weigh your options carefully.

My recommendation is to prefer onsite work rather than WFH.

On a lighter note, there are many advantages to onsite work that can actually save you money—such as reduced electricity bills, food expenses, and travel costs. Compared to WFH, where you may incur higher electricity costs due to using AC and your computer, along with food expenses for snacks and meals.

Logically speaking, as a working woman, if your maid were asking for a WFH arrangement, how would you respond?

As an additional suggestion, you might consider applying for government jobs as a Junior or Senior Analyst in your state’s Drug Testing Lab within the Drugs Control Department.

Ultimately, I recommend that you continue in your current field and potentially explore opportunities in a different company or industry that offers a higher salary. Alternatively, you could also consider transitioning to QA, but ideally in an onsite position.

All the best.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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