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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6508 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 08, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
mayank Question by mayank on Jun 27, 2024Hindi
Money

I am 32 yrs old with salary of 78k in a month. I am having a liability of 1.2 lacs pm which I have to pay for atleast 2.5 yrs in the form of PL. Please let me know how can I rid of this asap.

Ans: You’re doing great by taking a close look at your finances. It’s not easy managing a high personal loan (PL) liability with your salary. Let's figure out how you can tackle this and achieve financial freedom sooner.

You're 32 years old, earning Rs 78,000 monthly, with a PL liability of Rs 1.2 lakh per month for 2.5 years. That’s quite a challenge, but we’ll work through it together.

Step-by-Step Debt Repayment Strategy

1. Create a Detailed Budget

Start by creating a detailed budget to track all your income and expenses. List all your fixed and variable expenses. Identify areas where you can cut costs to free up more money for debt repayment.

By keeping track of every rupee, you’ll see where you might be overspending.

2. Prioritize Your Expenses

Separate your expenses into needs and wants. Needs are essential, like food, housing, and utilities. Wants are things you can live without, like dining out and entertainment. Prioritize needs and cut back on wants to save more for loan repayments.

3. Emergency Fund

Ensure you have an emergency fund. Aim for at least three months' worth of essential expenses. This fund is crucial to avoid taking on more debt in case of unexpected expenses.

4. Increase Your Income

Look for ways to boost your income. Consider taking on a part-time job or freelance work. Every extra rupee you earn can go toward paying off your debt faster.

5. Debt Snowball vs. Debt Avalanche

Choose a repayment strategy that suits you. The debt snowball method focuses on paying off the smallest debts first, while the debt avalanche method targets debts with the highest interest rates. The debt avalanche method will save you more on interest in the long run.

6. Negotiate with Your Lender

Talk to your lender about restructuring your loan. Ask if they can lower your interest rate or extend the repayment period. Lenders are sometimes willing to work with you if it means they’ll get their money back.

7. Avoid New Debt

Focus on repaying your current loan. Avoid taking on any new debt during this period. New loans or credit card debt will only add to your financial burden.

Exploring Investment Options for Future Growth

Once you’ve got a handle on your debt, it's time to think about future growth. Investing wisely can help you build wealth and achieve your financial goals.

1. Importance of Mutual Funds

Mutual funds are an excellent way to grow your money. They pool money from many investors to buy a diversified portfolio of stocks, bonds, or other securities.

Advantages of Mutual Funds

Diversification: Spread your risk across various assets.

Professional Management: Managed by experienced fund managers.

Liquidity: Easy to buy and sell units.

Affordability: Start with a small amount and gradually increase.

Types of Mutual Funds

Equity Funds: Invest in stocks. Higher risk but potentially higher returns.

Debt Funds: Invest in bonds and other fixed-income securities. Lower risk, stable returns.

Hybrid Funds: Combination of equity and debt. Balanced risk and return.

2. Power of Compounding

Investing early in mutual funds harnesses the power of compounding. Compounding means earning returns on your returns. The longer you invest, the more your money grows exponentially.

3. Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)

SIP is a disciplined way to invest in mutual funds. You invest a fixed amount regularly, regardless of market conditions. This helps in averaging out the cost and reduces market timing risk.

Benefits of SIP

Disciplined Savings: Forces you to save regularly.

Rupee Cost Averaging: Buys more units when prices are low and fewer when prices are high.

Convenience: Automated investments from your bank account.

Evaluating Risks and Returns

While mutual funds are beneficial, they come with risks. Understand the risk level of each fund and align it with your risk tolerance.

1. Equity Funds

High Risk, High Return: Suitable for long-term goals.

Market Volatility: Prices can fluctuate significantly.

Long-Term Growth: Historically, equities have outperformed other asset classes over the long term.

2. Debt Funds

Low Risk, Stable Return: Ideal for short to medium-term goals.

Interest Rate Risk: Returns may vary with changes in interest rates.

Capital Preservation: Focus on preserving capital while earning modest returns.

3. Hybrid Funds

Balanced Risk and Return: Good for medium-term goals.

Asset Allocation: Diversifies across equity and debt.

Volatility: Less volatile than pure equity funds but riskier than debt funds.

Seeking Professional Guidance

It's beneficial to consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). They can provide personalized advice based on your financial situation and goals.

1. Holistic Financial Planning

A CFP will look at your overall financial picture, including income, expenses, assets, and liabilities. They’ll help you create a comprehensive financial plan.

2. Customized Investment Strategy

They will recommend investment options that suit your risk tolerance and financial goals. A tailored approach ensures you’re not taking on more risk than you’re comfortable with.

3. Ongoing Monitoring and Adjustments

A CFP will regularly review your financial plan and suggest adjustments as needed. This ensures you stay on track to achieve your goals.

Leveraging Technology for Financial Management

Use technology to manage your finances more efficiently. There are many apps and online tools available for budgeting, expense tracking, and investing.

1. Budgeting Apps

These apps help you track your spending and identify areas where you can save. They provide a clear picture of your financial habits.

2. Investment Platforms

Online platforms make it easy to invest in mutual funds and other assets. They offer tools for research and analysis, helping you make informed decisions.

3. Automated Savings

Set up automatic transfers from your checking account to your savings or investment accounts. This ensures you consistently save and invest without needing to remember.

Final Insights

Tackling a high PL liability requires a strategic approach. By creating a detailed budget, prioritizing expenses, and exploring ways to increase your income, you can pay off your debt faster. Once your debt is under control, focus on investing in mutual funds to build wealth over the long term.

Seek the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner to create a personalized financial plan. Utilize technology to manage your finances efficiently. Remember, the key to financial success is discipline, patience, and continuous learning.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6508 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2024Hindi
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I m 42 year sold the monthly income 1 Lac and I m in private job ..I have 1 CR plots, 1.40 Cr House /Flat ..but the concern with me I have liability of 90 Lac. I have 3 Lac in PPF ,1.5 LAC NPS , 3 LaC in SIP ...I have withdrawn SIP amount due to property purchase. I'm not able to manage financial crises in this situation as multiple expenses with . Would help us to properly financial planning.
Ans: Assessing Your Financial Situation
First of all, congratulations on having a diverse portfolio and taking steps towards financial security. I understand that managing financial crises and liabilities can be stressful. Let’s work together to streamline your finances and develop a comprehensive financial plan.

Understanding Your Assets and Liabilities
You have a good mix of assets:

Plot: Rs 1 crore

House/Flat: Rs 1.40 crore

Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs 3 lakh

National Pension System (NPS): Rs 1.5 lakh

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs): Rs 3 lakh

However, you also have significant liabilities amounting to Rs 90 lakh. Your monthly income is Rs 1 lakh, which is substantial but can get strained due to multiple expenses.

Evaluating Your Financial Position
Assets:

Real estate forms a large part of your portfolio.

Liquid assets in PPF, NPS, and SIPs are relatively small.

Liabilities:

Your liabilities are high compared to your liquid assets.
Key Areas for Improvement
1. Managing Liabilities:

High debt can strain your finances. Reducing this burden should be a priority.
2. Building Emergency Fund:

You need a robust emergency fund to manage unexpected expenses.
3. Increasing Liquid Assets:

Diversifying investments to increase liquidity can help manage financial crises.
4. Long-term Investment Strategy:

Focus on long-term growth through disciplined investing.
Steps to Financial Stability
1. Prioritize Debt Repayment
Analyze Your Debt:

List all liabilities, including interest rates and tenure.
Debt Consolidation:

Consider consolidating high-interest debts into a single lower-interest loan.
Focus on High-Interest Debt:

Prioritize paying off debts with the highest interest rates first.
Create a Repayment Plan:

Set a realistic timeline for debt repayment, allocating a fixed amount monthly.
2. Build an Emergency Fund
Calculate Your Needs:

Aim to save 6-12 months' worth of living expenses in an emergency fund.
Start Small:

Begin by setting aside a portion of your income each month.
Keep it Accessible:

Store your emergency fund in a high-interest savings account or liquid fund.
3. Rebuild Your Investment Portfolio
Restart SIPs:

Gradually restart your SIPs to benefit from rupee cost averaging.
Diversify Investments:

Invest in a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds for balanced growth.
Focus on Long-term Goals:

Align your investments with long-term financial goals like retirement and education.
4. Increase Liquid Assets
Invest in Liquid Funds:

Consider liquid mutual funds for better returns on idle cash.
Maintain a Balanced Portfolio:

Ensure a good mix of liquid and illiquid assets to manage financial crises better.
Regular Reviews:

Periodically review and rebalance your portfolio to align with your financial goals.
Professional Guidance
Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP):

A CFP can provide personalized advice and help you navigate complex financial decisions.
Holistic Financial Plan:

Develop a comprehensive plan covering all aspects of your finances, including insurance, investments, and debt management.
Continuous Monitoring:

Regularly monitor your financial plan and make adjustments as needed.
Long-term Investment Strategy
Equity Mutual Funds:

Equity mutual funds can offer good long-term returns. Choose funds based on performance and consistency.
Debt Mutual Funds:

Debt mutual funds can provide stable returns with lower risk. They are ideal for maintaining liquidity.
Hybrid Funds:

Hybrid funds offer a mix of equity and debt, balancing risk and return.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP):

SIPs instill disciplined investing, allowing you to invest regularly and benefit from compounding.
Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Avoid Over-Reliance on Real Estate:

Diversify beyond real estate to improve liquidity and reduce risk.
Regular Financial Check-ups:

Conduct regular reviews of your financial health to stay on track.
Emergency Fund First:

Before making new investments, ensure you have a sufficient emergency fund.
Future Planning
Retirement Planning:

Regularly contribute to your NPS and other retirement funds. Aim to build a substantial retirement corpus.
Child’s Education:

Start early with investments for your child’s education. Consider dedicated child education plans.
Health Insurance:

Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage to avoid financial strain due to medical emergencies.
Conclusion
Managing financial crises requires a balanced approach. Focus on reducing liabilities, building an emergency fund, and increasing liquid assets. Restart your SIPs and diversify your investments for long-term growth. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide personalized advice and help you stay on track.

By taking these steps, you can navigate your financial challenges effectively and build a secure future. Remember, consistency and discipline are key to achieving financial stability.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6508 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 02, 2024

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Money
Sir I hv taken PL from sbi 11 lac. 7 month em8 paid now i hv 10 lac to pay. Can pay or or benefits
Ans: Managing personal finances involves making informed decisions that align with your long-term goals and financial well-being. Let's delve into why prioritizing repayment of your personal loan before starting new investments can be beneficial for you.

Understanding Your Current Situation
You have a personal loan of Rs. 11 lakhs from SBI, with 7 EMIs already paid and Rs. 10 lakhs remaining to repay. Additionally, you are contemplating whether to use available funds to pay off the loan or to initiate new investments.

Benefits of Repaying Your Personal Loan First
1. Interest Savings
By repaying the loan early, you can save on the interest that would accrue over the remaining tenure.
Personal loans often come with higher interest rates compared to returns from investments, making interest savings significant.
2. Debt-Free Status
Eliminating debt provides peace of mind and reduces financial stress.
It frees up your monthly cash flow by removing the burden of EMIs.
3. Improved Credit Score
Paying off the loan enhances your credit profile, potentially improving your eligibility for future loans at better terms.

Why Start Investments After Repaying the Loan?
1. Financial Flexibility
Once debt-free, you can redirect the monthly EMI amount towards building investments.
This enhances your ability to save and invest for future financial goals.
2. Risk Mitigation
Investing after clearing debt reduces financial risk and enhances your capacity to weather market fluctuations.
You can approach investments with a stronger financial foundation.

Strategic Considerations
1. Interest Rate Comparison
Evaluate the interest rate on your personal loan against potential investment returns.
If the loan interest rate is higher, paying it off first ensures guaranteed savings.
2. Long-Term Wealth Building
Delaying investments briefly to repay debt positions you better for long-term wealth creation.
It allows you to start investing with a clean financial slate and greater financial stability.

Personalized Recommendation
Given your current financial snapshot:

Priority: Repay the remaining Rs. 10 lakhs of your personal loan to reduce debt burden and save on interest costs.
Subsequent Steps: Once debt-free, reassess your financial goals and risk tolerance to strategically plan investments.

Final Insights
Managing finances involves balancing debt repayment and wealth creation. Prioritizing debt reduction before initiating new investments sets a strong foundation for your financial future. By focusing on clearing your personal loan first, you secure immediate financial benefits and position yourself favorably for future investments.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6508 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Dear sir, My monthly income is 1.5Lacs Monthly Expenses: 2.5 Lacs Borrowed money from Market 80Lacs How can get rid of this debt plz advise me Thank you Mohammed Majeed
Ans: Dear Mohammed,

Handling your debt effectively and improving your financial health requires a strategic approach. Here are some steps you can take to manage and eventually eliminate your debt.

Assess Your Current Financial Situation
Monthly Income and Expenses: You have a monthly income of Rs 1.5 lakhs and expenses of Rs 2.5 lakhs. This results in a deficit of Rs 1 lakh per month.

Borrowed Money: You have borrowed Rs 80 lakhs from the market. This is a significant amount and needs careful planning to repay.

Create a Detailed Budget
Track Expenses: Note down all your expenses, categorize them, and identify non-essential items.

Cut Down Costs: Focus on reducing discretionary spending. Prioritize needs over wants.

Increase Income Streams
Additional Work: Look for part-time or freelance opportunities to boost your income.

Utilize Skills: Use your skills to offer consulting or other services.

Debt Repayment Strategy
Prioritize High-Interest Debt: Focus on repaying the highest interest debt first. This will reduce the overall interest burden.

Debt Consolidation: Consider consolidating your loans into a single loan with a lower interest rate. This simplifies payments and can reduce interest costs.

Negotiate with Creditors
Interest Rate Reduction: Contact creditors to negotiate lower interest rates or extended repayment terms.

Restructuring Loans: If possible, restructure your loans to make repayment more manageable.

Financial Discipline
Avoid New Debt: Resist taking on new debt until the existing one is under control.

Emergency Fund: Gradually build an emergency fund to avoid relying on debt for unexpected expenses.

Utilize Professional Guidance
Certified Financial Planner: Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). They can provide a personalized plan based on your financial situation.
Regular Review and Adjustment
Monthly Review: Regularly review your budget and repayment plan. Adjust as needed to stay on track.

Final Insights
Commitment: Managing and eliminating debt requires commitment and financial discipline.

Professional Help: Utilize professional guidance to navigate complex financial decisions.

Long-Term View: Focus on long-term financial health, not just immediate relief.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6508 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 31, 2024

Listen
Money
My name is mushataq ahmad 47 years of age having solitary daughter aged around 15 years .I have my own ancestral home I have monthly income of 25 thousand rupees and further having a liability of 13 lakh of banks how to get rid of that
Ans: You are 47 years old, with a 15-year-old daughter. You have an ancestral home and a monthly income of Rs 25,000. You also have a bank liability of Rs 13 lakhs.

Evaluating Your Financial Situation
Income Analysis: Your monthly income is Rs 25,000. We need to allocate this wisely.

Debt Concern: The bank liability of Rs 13 lakhs is significant. Reducing this should be a priority.

Future Planning: Planning for your daughter’s education and your retirement is essential.

Steps to Reduce Debt
Budgeting: Create a monthly budget. Track all your expenses and identify areas to cut costs.

Debt Repayment Plan: Allocate a fixed amount each month towards loan repayment. Consistency is key.

Prioritise High-Interest Loans: Focus on repaying loans with the highest interest first. This reduces the overall interest burden.

Boosting Income
Additional Income Sources: Look for additional income opportunities. Part-time jobs or freelancing can help.

Skills Upgrade: Consider learning new skills. This can lead to better job opportunities and higher income.

Investment Strategy
Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund. This should cover 6 months of expenses for unforeseen circumstances.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Start SIPs in actively managed equity mutual funds. These offer potential for higher returns.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): Invest in PPF for long-term savings. It offers tax benefits and guaranteed returns.

Avoiding Index and Direct Funds
Actively Managed Funds: These funds have professional managers. They make strategic decisions to maximise returns.

Regular Funds Through CFP: Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures expert advice and better fund selection.

Education Planning for Daughter
Child Education Plan: Start a dedicated fund for your daughter’s education. Regular contributions will grow over time.

Scholarship Opportunities: Explore scholarship options for your daughter. This can reduce future education expenses.

Retirement Planning
Retirement Fund: Start a retirement fund with long-term growth investments. SIPs in equity mutual funds can be effective.

Review Existing Policies: If you have LIC or ULIP policies, evaluate their performance. Consider surrendering underperforming policies and reinvesting in mutual funds.

Managing Expenses
Frugal Living: Adopt a frugal lifestyle. Prioritise needs over wants.

Avoid Unnecessary Debt: Avoid taking on new loans. Focus on clearing existing liabilities first.

Closing Remarks
Reducing debt, increasing income, and strategic investments will improve your financial health. Regular reviews and adjustments are key to staying on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Moneywize

Moneywize   |165 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Oct 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 05, 2024Hindi
Money
I’m from Pune. I’m 48 with two children. Should I invest in ELSS funds to save tax, or should I focus on traditional instruments like PPF and fixed deposits?
Ans: Deciding between Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) and traditional investment instruments like Public Provident Fund (PPF) and Fixed Deposits (FDs) depends on various factors, including your financial goals, risk tolerance, investment horizon, and tax-saving needs. Here's a comprehensive comparison to help you make an informed decision:

1. Understanding the Investment Options

a. ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Schemes)

• Nature: Equity Mutual Funds with a tax-saving component.
• Lock-In Period: 3 years (shortest among tax-saving instruments under Section 80C).
• Returns: Potentially higher returns as they are invested in equities, but subject to market volatility.
• Tax Benefits: Investments up to ?1.5 lakh per annum are eligible for deduction under Section 80C.
• Liquidity: Relatively higher liquidity post the lock-in period compared to other tax-saving instruments.

b. PPF (Public Provident Fund)

• Nature: Government-backed long-term savings scheme.
• Lock-In Period: 15 years.
• Returns: Moderate and tax-free returns, revised periodically by the government (typically around 7-8% p.a.).
• Tax Benefits: Investments up to ?1.5 lakh per annum qualify for deduction under Section 80C. The interest earned and the maturity amount are tax-free.
• Safety: Very low risk as it's backed by the government.

c. Fixed Deposits (FDs)

• Nature: Fixed-term investment with banks or post offices.
• Lock-In Period: Varies; typically no lock-in for regular FDs, but tax-saving FDs have a 5-year lock-in.
• Returns: Fixed interest rates, generally lower than ELSS but higher than savings accounts. Current rates vary but are around 5-7% p.a. for tax-saving FDs.
• Tax Benefits: Investments up to ?1.5 lakh in tax-saving FDs qualify for deduction under Section 80C.
• Safety: Low risk, especially with reputable banks.

2. Factors to Consider

a. Risk Appetite

• ELSS: Suitable if you are willing to take on market-related risks for potentially higher returns.
• PPF & FDs: Ideal for conservative investors seeking capital protection and guaranteed returns.

b. Investment Horizon

• ELSS: 3-year lock-in period, but generally better for medium to long-term goals.
• PPF: 15-year commitment, suitable for long-term goals like retirement or children's education.
• FDs: Flexible, but tax-saving FDs require a 5-year lock-in, suitable for medium-term goals.

c. Returns

• ELSS: Historically, ELSS funds have outperformed PPF and FDs over the long term, but with higher volatility.
• PPF: Offers stable and tax-free returns, which are beneficial in a low-interest-rate environment.
• FDs: Provide guaranteed returns, useful for capital preservation but may lag behind inflation and equity returns over time.

d. Tax Efficiency

• ELSS: Returns are subject to capital gains tax. Short-term (if held for less than 3 years) gains are taxed as per your income slab, while long-term gains (exceeding ?1 lakh) are taxed at 10%.
• PPF: Completely tax-free returns.
• FDs: Interest earned is taxable as per your income slab, which can reduce the effective returns.

3. Recommendations Based on Your Profile

Given that you are 48 years old with two children, your investment strategy should balance between growth and safety, considering your proximity to retirement and financial responsibilities.

a. Diversified Approach

A balanced portfolio that includes both ELSS and traditional instruments like PPF and FDs can help mitigate risks while aiming for reasonable growth.

• ELSS: Allocate a portion (e.g., 30-40%) to ELSS to benefit from potential equity growth, which can help in wealth accumulation for retirement or funding children's education.
• PPF: Continue contributing to PPF for long-term, stable, and tax-free returns. Given its 15-year tenure, it aligns well with retirement planning.
• FDs: Use FDs for short to medium-term goals or as a part of your emergency fund, ensuring liquidity and capital preservation.

b. Consider Your Tax Bracket

If you are in a higher tax bracket, maximizing tax-saving instruments under Section 80C can provide significant tax relief. ELSS, PPF, and tax-saving FDs all qualify, so diversifying among them can spread risk and optimize tax benefits.

c. Assess Liquidity Needs

Ensure you have sufficient liquidity for unforeseen expenses. While ELSS has a shorter lock-in compared to PPF, both still tie up funds for a few years. Maintain a separate emergency fund in a more liquid form, such as a savings account or liquid mutual funds.

d. Review Your Risk Tolerance

At 48, with retirement possibly 10-20 years away, a moderate risk appetite might be suitable. ELSS can offer growth potential, while PPF and FDs provide stability.

4. Additional Considerations

• Emergency Fund: Ensure you have 6-12 months' worth of expenses saved in a highly liquid form.
• Insurance: Adequate health and life insurance are crucial, especially with dependents.
• Debt Management: If you have any high-interest debt, prioritize paying it off before locking funds in fixed instruments.

5. Consult a Financial Advisor

While the above guidelines provide a general framework, it's advisable to consult with a certified financial planner or advisor. They can offer personalized advice tailored to your specific financial situation, goals, and risk tolerance.

Finally, both ELSS and traditional instruments like PPF and FDs have their unique advantages. A diversified investment strategy that leverages the strengths of each can help you achieve a balanced portfolio, ensuring both growth and security. Given your age and family responsibilities, striking the right balance between risk and safety is essential for long-term financial well-being.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |364 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
This is urgent. Pls help. My son 18 yrs has been in a relationship with his classmate. He is intelligent and very venerable as he is innocent.She has been abetting him and his behaviour on the family has changed. He shouts at us and kind of surrendered himself to her. Anything we say irritates him. He has started telling lies. He locks the room and is on the phone hours together. Even if he tells that he is sleepy, she doesn't allow him to sleep. He doesn't know that we are aware of it. We tried to indirectly talk but he doesn't care about anything as he blindly follows her instructions. He doesn't listen to anyone. We feel something is wrong. Should we talk to her parents or use some law? Making them sit and advice doesn't work.
Ans: The challenge here is that he’s likely in a highly emotional and intense phase of his life, where his attachment to this person may feel all-consuming. When someone feels like they're being judged or controlled, they tend to push back harder, and it seems that's what’s happening with your son. Approaching him with confrontation or involving legal measures may only cause him to withdraw even more.

What he needs right now, even if he doesn't realize it, is understanding and connection. If you can find a way to express your concern for his well-being, not just your disapproval of his relationship, it might open up a space for dialogue. He may feel trapped in this relationship in ways he can't yet see. Your role can be to help him feel safe enough to reflect on his own choices, rather than feel he has to defend them.

This is a delicate situation, and while it may seem urgent, sometimes a softer approach allows for a deeper breakthrough. Your patience, love, and ability to listen might be the key to guiding him through this

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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