Worried Parent: My 18-year-old Son Is Being Controlled by His Girlfriend - What Can I Do?

Ans: Dear Srinivas,
While it's important to address the concerns within the family, it's also crucial to respect the individual choices and relationships of your adult son. Striking a balance between expressing concerns and allowing autonomy can be challenging but is essential for maintaining a healthy family dynamic Offer support to your son while guiding him about responsible financial decisions. Help him understand the potential consequences of being a guarantor and lending money Seek to understand the dynamics of your son's relationship with the girl. It's essential to know whether they have a stable and healthy relationship or if there are any red flags. Consider having a conversation with the girl to understand her intentions and reasons for involving your son in her financial matters.Keep the conversation respectful and non-confrontational to foster open communication Establish clear boundaries about financial involvement in relationships. Encourage your son to communicate with the family before making significant financial commitments.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Either your family sees her as someone who wants family approval and be happy with it OR you can doubt her as someone who has managed to cheat your son.
Which of it is true, only time will tell...Your son is blinded by love...how can you appeal to him? What can you say that will make him realize that he possibly can be cheated?
One way is to invite her to your home and ask her to come out clean about these money dealings and why your son chose to keep this information away from his family...If you are all convinced about her honesty, it will be easier to accept her into the family; otherwise there is a possibility that your son maybe able to see through her lies...
So, whether she is the right person for your son or not will be better known when you warmly invite her over and without any judgements give her a chance...making sense?

All the best!

Ans: Instead of focusing solely on convincing him that the relationship is wrong, try having an open, non-judgmental conversation with him. Express your feelings not as criticism but as concern. Let him know that your worry is about how this situation could affect him in the long term. Acknowledge that he may feel strongly for the teacher, but gently help him consider the broader implications: the possibility of public scandal, emotional harm to all parties involved, and the consequences for the teacher’s family.

It’s also important to encourage self-reflection. Ask him how he envisions this relationship progressing, knowing the teacher is married. Sometimes, when people are asked to think about the future rather than just the present, they begin to reevaluate their choices. Reassure him that your goal isn’t to control his life but to guide him toward decisions that are healthy and sustainable.

Your wife’s silence could stem from uncertainty about how to handle the situation or not wanting to alienate your son. It might help to have a conversation with her separately to align your approach as parents. Together, you can provide a balanced perspective that supports him while helping him understand the potential fallout of his actions.

If your son remains steadfast in his decisions, consider involving a neutral third party like a counselor or therapist who can help him explore his emotions and reasoning in a safe space. Professional guidance can sometimes open doors to insights that might be harder to accept from parents alone.

Ultimately, your role as a father is to offer guidance and support while respecting his autonomy. Remain calm, loving, and present, showing him that your concern comes from a place of care. Even if he doesn’t immediately change his perspective, knowing he has your support could make it easier for him to reconsider his choices when he’s ready.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
As a mother you are only trying to protect your son. So, find what you can on this woman and yes, your son needs to be shown that he is just being played and is another one of her 'boys'. Maybe then he will come to his senses. In the meantime, as a family try to surround him with love and a lot of care. He is only experimenting outside by rebelling at home OR he could very well be searching for some validation and attention outside. Give that attention to him at home and that will help him circle right back.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
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