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Worried Parent: My 18-year-old Son Is Being Controlled by His Girlfriend - What Can I Do?

Kanchan Rai |423 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 06, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 11, 2024Hindi

Relationship

This is urgent. Pls help. My son 18 yrs has been in a relationship with his classmate. He is intelligent and very venerable as he is innocent.She has been abetting him and his behaviour on the family has changed. He shouts at us and kind of surrendered himself to her. Anything we say irritates him. He has started telling lies. He locks the room and is on the phone hours together. Even if he tells that he is sleepy, she doesn't allow him to sleep. He doesn't know that we are aware of it. We tried to indirectly talk but he doesn't care about anything as he blindly follows her instructions. He doesn't listen to anyone. We feel something is wrong. Should we talk to her parents or use some law? Making them sit and advice doesn't work.

Ans: The challenge here is that he’s likely in a highly emotional and intense phase of his life, where his attachment to this person may feel all-consuming. When someone feels like they're being judged or controlled, they tend to push back harder, and it seems that's what’s happening with your son. Approaching him with confrontation or involving legal measures may only cause him to withdraw even more.

What he needs right now, even if he doesn't realize it, is understanding and connection. If you can find a way to express your concern for his well-being, not just your disapproval of his relationship, it might open up a space for dialogue. He may feel trapped in this relationship in ways he can't yet see. Your role can be to help him feel safe enough to reflect on his own choices, rather than feel he has to defend them.

This is a delicate situation, and while it may seem urgent, sometimes a softer approach allows for a deeper breakthrough. Your patience, love, and ability to listen might be the key to guiding him through this

Relationship1Reply

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Anu Krishna |1350 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 07, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 02, 2023Hindi

Relationship

Hi Anu, my teenage son has been acting weird since the last few months. He has been caught lying and smoking after school hours. He has bunked school and been spotted by a friend but when I casually checked on him he lied that he is at school. I don't know how to address this. I feel like I don't know my son anymore

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Teenage time is the most confusing time for children and parents alike. And with the digital age, it's only getting tougher. Dealing with butter fingers, yet being firm with them, works at times and doesn't at other times.
If this behaviour change of his is sudden, something could have triggered it.
Check points:
- What is the company of friends that he keeps?
- How is the environment at home? Peaceful and loving OR Restless and agitated?
- What is the relationship that he shares with either of his parents?
- Is the channel of communication at home such that he can share anything?
- Is there any pressure on academic performance from home or school?
- Has there been any instance around him or with him that has been emotionally draining? Like a loss of a loved one or a friend?

Do go over this list and be spot on while answering them. It will allow you to get to the source of the problem rather than just focus on his behaviour. Instead of reprimanding him for his behaviour, watch for it closely while you get to the source of it all.
If it's challenging to go through this all by yourself, please without any delay seek the help of a professional who specifically works with adolescents and adolescent behaviour. Be compassionate through the process as he needs both his parents while transitioning back. It is worrisome, I fathom it, but he needs you on his side and not against him.
So, do the right thing and act immediately.
All the best!

Kanchan Rai |423 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 07, 2024

Question by srinivas - Jan 07, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi, my only son aged 27yrs is in relationship with a girl aged 22yrs and she kept him as guarantor in her home loan of 20 lacs and took personal loan of 5 lacs from my son (which he took from NBFC and gave it to her). This all done without informing any of us in our family. She is from other state and she donot any family members except her single mom. We have undivided family with conservative mind set. Our family members are not willing to accept her in the family as she taking undue advantage from my son and feels untrustworthy....plz advice

Ans: Dear Srinivas,
While it's important to address the concerns within the family, it's also crucial to respect the individual choices and relationships of your adult son. Striking a balance between expressing concerns and allowing autonomy can be challenging but is essential for maintaining a healthy family dynamic Offer support to your son while guiding him about responsible financial decisions. Help him understand the potential consequences of being a guarantor and lending money Seek to understand the dynamics of your son's relationship with the girl. It's essential to know whether they have a stable and healthy relationship or if there are any red flags. Consider having a conversation with the girl to understand her intentions and reasons for involving your son in her financial matters.Keep the conversation respectful and non-confrontational to foster open communication Establish clear boundaries about financial involvement in relationships. Encourage your son to communicate with the family before making significant financial commitments.

Anu Krishna |1350 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 11, 2024

Question by Nafees - Jan 08, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Respected sir I have a son and two daughters and my husband works out of country and and all my children are adults and only take care of them.my son is eighteen years of age he is in engineering first year but don't study and engaged in girls and bussy in Instagram and phone calls whole night .if I scold him he misbehave with me.what should I do iam mentally disturbed because of him pls suggest good advice.

Ans: Dear Nafees,
Well, your son is at an age where his focus is getting validation from girls. And he's just doing that...
Is there a father figure or some male member within the family who can take on the role of stepping in as your husband is away? This person can help guide your son back where he starts to focus on academics and understanding that social circles are just part of his life and right now the focus must be on his studies...if he still does not change, kindly call your husband back for a few weeks to take care of the situation...the boy needs his father/father figure who can be firm with him and yet appeal to him at this juncture of life.
It does not mean that as a mother you can't do this...It's just that he isn't responding to you and that's why I am making an alternate suggestion...Make this attempt and see what happens...

All the best!

Anu Krishna |1350 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 06, 2024

Question by Rajbir - Nov 04, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi my son 36 year old having some bed habits like drinking , smoking ,having relationship with other females, have habits of argument with everyone , unable compromise with different circumstances and try to prove himself right all the times. Due to these habits he unable to do job , he already left 2-3 jobs in past . he got married in 2018 with same age of working female. Both were separately in other city from day of marriage. Due to his habits they took divorce in 2024. Even after that he did not changed , continue with his bed habits. Being parent when we tried to make him understand but nothing change in his habits. Now he is job less last 2 months , sitting ideal at home hole day , evening go out and come back home very late , some time early morning. As parents we are very upset and scare , don't know what to do and how to handle this situation.

Ans: Dear Rajbir,
Your son has forgotten that he is a grown-up and has challenges accepting responsibilities for himself.
So, to remind him that he is a grown-up, kindly set up an appointment with a professional who can not just identify the root cause of the issue and guide him to a place of confidence so that he can act his age.
The thing that you can do immediately which may work is to ask someone else in the family who is similar in age to your son to have a chat with him and find out what is going on...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Milind Vadjikar |741 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Question by Nitiksha - Dec 03, 2024Hindi

Money

What happens when a Mutual Fund company shuts down / gets sold off?

Ans: Hello;

If a mutual fund company gets sold or fails, the process is prescribed by SEBI:

In case MF company is Sold,
The new fund house may:
1. Continue the scheme with a new name and management.

2. Merge the scheme with similar funds and offer investors the option to exit without any exit load.

In case MF company shuts down,
The fund house will:
1. Pay out investors based on the fund's last recorded Net Asset Value (NAV) and the number of units the investor holds, after deducting expenses.

2. If the company is not in a position to do so then SEBI may liquidate the funds assets and distribute the proceeds to unit holders.

It is also pertinent to note that mutual fund regulation in India is one of the most stringent and hence best, from investor's point of view, globally.

This is not just in theory. We have seen how the Franklin Templeton abrupt closure of debt funds was handled with surgical precision, by SEBI, with no loss to unitholders.

Skin in the game regulation mandates that 20% salary of key mutual fund personnel and fund managers is paid in terms of units of their funds with a 3 year lock-in.

The stocks and bonds purchased by the AMC for the fund are held by a custodian, appointed by the trust that administers the fund.

The trust engages into a investment management agreement with the AMC for managing the fund as per their mandate and within regulatory guidelines.

Registrar and Transfer Agents handle the investor registration,kyc, maintaining records, providing account and tax statements etc.

Happy Investing;
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Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Question by Manoj - Oct 05, 2024Hindi

Career

My 17 years son is uninterested in studies, never attended a day of 12th class & always with non student elder friends, returns late-night after 12-1 am. Quarrel with parents & ready to get physical fight with me? What is the solution?

Ans: OMG Mr Manoj...please take external help, take him to a doctor and get your beautiful son back into the family fold. He needs help and a father/family needs to stand with him like a rock to get him back to living a good life. See where he goes, what he does and then talk to him!! Don't blame, don't criticize...your son needs you... Just be there for him, he is yours ...nobody can do what you can do. Love him , cherish him... get him back!!Pls take action in the best interest of your son. All the best..

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Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 03, 2024Hindi

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Can we get a refund if there is foreclosure of SBI life insurance due to non payment after grace period is over?

Ans: Hello;

Depends on the terms and conditions of the policy but generally if you don't pay the premium for the policy then it may be converted into paid up policy by the insurance company.

You may get coverage for a reduced sum assured for the balance term of the policy and maturity payment inline with the terms of paid up policy.

But if you surrender your policy then the surrender value, as applicable, is the refund you will get in this case but the life insurance cover will come to an end.

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 03, 2024Hindi

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I am planning to invest 1 cr in SBI balance advantage fund. How is the predicted future of SBI balance advantage fund?

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What is your time horizon for this investment?

We can ensure a balanced asset allocation and adequate risk mitigation.

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However if you feel dynamic asset allocation fund(also called balanced advantage fund) is the appropriate category of mutual fund for you, then you may split your lumpsum investment equally in top funds in this category.

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Ravi Mittal |450 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 03, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hello, my wife is Ugandan and I’m of English national, 30 years old and she’s 26, we met nearly a year ago and got married in uk with some of her friends and small family. We haven’t done kuchala (not sure if that’s correct spelling) yet and I’m feeling anxious for when the time comes. She said her family will kneel when they greet me and being white this is already stinging my moral (due to history). I also talked about moving in together before the meet the parents happen however she says she’s rather move in after? Currently this could take two years before going to Uganda, how should I proceed without overstepping her cultural beliefs as after all we are married and by my culture we should already be living together

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is very nice of you to be so considerate and sensitive while handling these cultural nuances. Let's discuss the kneeling tradition. It's a sign of respect and it's deeply rooted in Ugandan culture. While I understand your point of view, you also have to remember that it can have significant meaning to her and her family. I suggest you politely express your feelings and let her know why it is uncomfortable for you to see her family kneel. When you explain, mention how much her culture means to you as well. I am sure both of you can communicate and come to a compromise that makes you both happy. Just in case, they persist in following the ritual, just look at it as a gesture of love and respect and not submission.

About the moving in together part, in certain parts of the world, couples living together before the traditional wedding is not considered respectful. But since you are already married, you can try explaining to your wife how the living situation does not go against her cultural expectations. But if it is a really big deal for her and her family, consider seeing it from her perspective.

Communication is everything here. Look at every problem as a team; it's not your problem vs her problem. It's both of you vs the problems.

I hope this helps

Ravi Mittal |450 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Question by jayesh - Nov 27, 2024

Relationship

Iam 42 yrs old and i have crush on a female which board my train and get down the same station. From that day she meet me for a day or so as we share one bus stop for office going. Then afterward she met me once a week or occasionally and iam getting feeling towards her. While on the bus stop if i see her i usually follow her and greet her(for couple of minutes). Today while i was talking i made eye contact with her and she too. And if she see me she allow me to touch her hair and body too Dont know what to do kindly guide me.

Ans: Dear Jayesh,
The best way to confirm if she shares the same feelings for you is to simply ask. Tell her how you feel and ask if she feels anything close to that for you. If she says yes, then you can ask her out on a date- maybe start slow with a cup of coffee and see where it goes. If she says no, then please do not take that as a sign to pursue her some more and convince her.

Hope this helps.

Ravi Mittal |450 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2024Hindi

Relationship

How can i catch my cheating partner

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you know for sure your partner is cheating, the best thing to do is confront them. There's no point in collecting proof or catching them in the act- it will not make them more guilty than they already are. Ask them directly about what you know and try to rethink the relationship. Cheating should not be excused and I am sure you deserve a partner who remains loyal to you.

Best wishes

Ravi Mittal |450 Answers |Ask -Follow

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Question by Aravinth - Dec 03, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi sir I married a other caste girl so my mother and sister not given my share and degree ,I got financial problem and not get any job without my degrees if I ask them they told me to leave the girl otherwise they kill me . what to do how to get my degrees and my share

Ans: Dear Aravinth,
I am so sorry to hear this. Can you try to go to your educational institute and ask for another copy of your degree? If not, I am sure there are legal steps that you can take to secure your degree; after all, you have earned it yourself. About the share, I would recommend consulting a lawyer; they can help you in this situation better. Moreover, if there is any threat to your or your partner’s life, you should consider taking it up with the authorities.

Best wishes.

Radheshyam Zanwar |1088 Answers |Ask -Follow

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Question by BIPRADAS - Dec 03, 2024Hindi

Career

I have received a job offer from Siecorp ,a Singapore based company though my posting would be at my hometown . They have asked me to submit all credentials related to education & job experiences which is quite normal but they have asked the following documents also which they said would help me to arrange through some agent by payment & the same would be reimbursed during first month of employment . Earlier also another overseas company asked for the same & I denied to make payment before having the job in hand . 1. Construction Health and Safety Technician (CHST) – Compulsory 2. OSHA Safety Certificate – Compulsory 3. Safety Trained Supervisor (STS) – Non-Compulsory Kindly advise whether these certificates are really required to be submitted to join any foreign company or any sort of cheating business regards,

Ans: Hello Bipradas.
From your query, it is clear that you have offered by job by a Singapore-based company and they are giving you a posting in your home town. You did not mention anything about the work culture of the company. It simply indicates that you are supposed to work from home which is always related to computers. I think there is no harm in producing the required documents through an agent if they are offering you a handsome salary. The requirement for documents differs from company to company. There is no harm in submitting the mentioned documents. If have fear in your mind, then please go through the profile of the company in detail before submitting the documents. There are many ways to check the authenticity of the company. There are some chances of cheating, but everybody is not indulged in the same category. But take the steps with utmost precaution.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar |1088 Answers |Ask -Follow

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Question by Zakir - Nov 26, 2024Hindi

Career

Dear sir My son is studying 2nd year chemical engineering in nitt. Suggest the additional online courses to enhance his career

Ans: Hello Zakir.
Here are some options for your son:
(1) Aspen Plus and Aspen HYSYS (Offered by Udemy or Coursera)
(2) MATLAB for Engineers
(3) Advanced Thermodynamics: Offered by universities like Stanford (Coursera, edX).
(4) Reaction Engineering: A course by the University of Minnesota (Coursera)
(5) Fluid Mechanics and Heat Transfer Fundamentals: NPTEL or Coursera.
(6) Data Science (Udemy and Linkedin learning)
(7) Machine Learning, Offered by universities like MIT (edX)
(8) Sustainable Energy Systems (offered by Coursera)
(9) Green Chemical Engineering: Offered by NPTEL.
(10) Python for Chemical Engineers
And many more.
It is suggested that you please visit the websites of Coursera, edX, Udemy, LinkedIn Learning, and NPTEL for more details.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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