Should I Quit Trying Something New?

Help me!!! 1.I'm starting new "work" on my own(challenging for me) but my mind says quit it, be quite & do nothing. I myself don't know that wether the result of work will be +ive or uncompleted like alws. 2. My mind has become like order seeker type, when someone orders me, I do those things with dedicated(but sad from inside) manner. But when myself will try something different(which i fear, but necessary) then. "I QUITS IT" & sometimes I don't even start. 3. I'm like stuck no clue what/whom I want to do in life, I'm in cllg(1 yr) doing (CSE) ,. 4. I want to do/try (sports,talking girls,study,stocks,coding..) many things, but myself, my thoughts(overthinker), R like just be in the place where u are[confused,po*n,think about past/future(being billio..re,olympics..), girl (that u liked & never talked), abusive/beating self,.. sometimes feels like end life, but don't hv courage for that also.. 5. I tried self help books, spirituality, god, self affirmation, writing... & thay affected me(sometimes) but for only some time, then again that devil me comes up &these things never get completed. As no one in my family knows about all these, so that's Y ,I hv to fight/loose/try again, the battles with myself.

Hello mam I'm Ankur , CSE(1 yr), 20 yr old boy and Every new day is new hope, but when it ends ,I'm still same & now I have lost the belief in me & everything else also. But still I get voices/images in my head of being good, doing work, making money, changing lives and things which i want to do, but fear/hesitate to do them. And that's why I try to find solutions of it by reading(self help, comedy)books, yoga(sometimes),.. but after 3-4 days I get defeated. And the vicious life starts again..(quiet, distracted, alone,..). I use mobile a lot( Yt, Po*n, reading material(self- help), speech(motivation), ..) but I use this as a way by which I can forget the stress/life condition/problems.. clearly "NO CONTROL". I'M writing so maybe i can get some relief & solution..

1.Well, maybe the truth of quit & start is, I don't want to leave that point of poorness, helplessness, imaginative king. Yes, I hate it & thats Y I try to change everything ...but knowing what should I do, knowing the ability to do, can make plans, can think & get ideas..but"not able" to put them into action & even if does breaks it!!(no consistency, discipline, no"reward"..as every worthwhile thing demands delayed gratification) proves that I don't want to leave the point. 2. When I try to change or become that"study guy", I avoid/delete every time wasting thing, And then it feels like every thing/people around me are better than me(knowing that everyone hv their own problems/insecurity..) Which works as distraction/loss-focus/ underestimating self.. which causes to break the mission & returns back to same point. Just like spiral loop where u start & feel u are growing but comes back to same point...& starts again. 3.By self questioning( of why&how ,solution) I found I hv writing skills(means I can write anything on any topic) but lack in speaking skills that's Y I'm not that good for social things( wether family or peoples) patterns are same like.. how/what should I start, will they like it, that should be funny, & should be able to make good impression...not able to take action & lack of thought to speech makes it worse. 4.I hv just told things which I know & my weak points but lack of being "self-accountable" is the main problem i guess :( 5. These are the result of 3 pages self-question & journal... So, give ur remarks & Help me!! Cuz I'm stuck don't know what to ask at this point :( maybe some ways or commands.