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Anu

Anu Krishna  |770 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 03, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 02, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

I got happily married in 2006 and since 2007 there where small quarrels between my wife and my mother. We were a joint business and my mother always made her feel insecure financially and socially (this I know now after my wife explained the facts).We separated from our parents in 2012 and have 2 kids 13 yrs and 9 years. My wife is unable to forget her past tramuna and after 17 yrs for marriage if any issue comes where I am seen giving sympathy to my parents I am being questioned and argued. She is suffering from Cervical spondylosis and now she has been diagnosed with Dystonia which on emotional grounds have made our life worst. She just wants to quarrel with me right from morning 5.30am there is hue and cry everywhere and does not end anytime. When I am at office she call and ask me to come back urgently and when I am at home she ask to move off as she does not want to see me. I read these symptoms occur in Dystonia but she isn’t ready to meet any psychiatrist. What can be done from my end as I have 2 kids and one is at the faq end of her schooling.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Any physical ailments that hit suddenly can cause a massive disruption to life. Especially, for the caregiver. I can only imagine how unsettled the marriage might feel; but she needs all the support that you can offer.
She possibly is in a state of denial or anger at the way things are at this moment and displaces the disappointment on you. Not fair, I know!
This also causes her to argue with you on things from the past like when you support your parents. But the real challenge I can only assume is her health that is causing her distress.
She needs a change in perspective by accepting things for what they are right now; but not willing to see a mental health expert puts you in a spot. Maybe you can fill in, in a manner that you can by using the weekends to take time off with her. Spend quality time together and also by yourself to find your peace as well.
Ask the children to pitch in when they can; they are old enough to run little chores in the home. At the same time, do not make your wife feel that is incapable of managing things (this could become a huge dependecny which will spoil her mental state further).
Also, I suggest run back home only in case of an emergency else, you will spread yourself thin by allowing yourself to give into her every demand of raising an alarm. This will become a pattern of dependence on you again.
Enable her to care for herself as much as she can and when she can. This can strengthen her mind state and help in her healing. (since I am unaware of the severity of her symptoms). Enable her...

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |770 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2022

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I have been married for a little more than five years and I am living under tremendous stress and depression. We live in a joint family with my parents and an unmarried brother. I had told her all this before marriage. She loves me very much but her attitude towards my relatives has been a matter of concern right from the start. She does not want to keep a relationship with anybody apart from my immediate family. Slowly, she started having problems with my mother also; both have started having minor clashes at home. Many times, it is my mother’s mistake. The main problem is that she is very nagging and complains and gets irritated very frequently at the smallest instance. Frustrated, I planned on separating with her but the news came of her pregnancy and we were blessed with a baby girl. After the baby was born, my wife’s frustration and irritation has increased manifold because of her fear that my mother will give much more love to the baby then she can. So their clashes have increased. Now my wife has been putting a lot of pressure on me to look for a new house away from my parents, since she wants her own space. I already have a home loan on the existing home and a car loan. There is very less scope for me to purchase a new home and I don't want to leave my parents. She just doesn't understand my position and clashes happen between us. Looking at all this, I desperately want to separate from her but can't do so because of our daughter. I love her the most and can't live without her. So I just endure what is happening every day. This has resulted in me slipping into depression. It has affected my work in office as well. I am not performing well, I don't like to speak with any of my friends or relatives, I don't feel like doing anything. I’m living for the sake of my daughter, that's it. Even my parents are not in a position to understand me and my situation so I can't talk to them either. Can you help? Just don’t publish my name.
Ans:

Hi

It is unfortunate that you are in this situation.

Your wife is possibly not very inclined to be in a joint family set-up; the reasons maybe many. But isn’t it necessary for you as a husband and a father to look out for your family?

The misunderstandings caused between the two of you over the years because of being in a joint family set-up have never been addressed and much water has flowed under the bridge.

There is a slim chance that matters might get resolved if you get your mother and wife in the same room and iron it out, with you being a neutral person who does not take sides; this is the best option.

If this isn’t possible, kindly visit a family counsellor who can step in and show your family a way to live amicably or give you a perspective on how healthy it might be to live separately.

At the end of the day, you have responsibilities towards your wife and child too!

All the best and a Happy 2022.

(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna  |770 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 20, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I want to be anonymous on this.I'm 34years old and married 4.5months ago. It was an arranged marriage, we are from different caste. I'm a partial handicap person; I have issues with my leg. I am having issues with my wife's behaviour and I am looking for some consultation. During the initial conversations before marriage, she agreed on everything -- cooking, keeping me at bay on all works. I even informed, I don't like people who get angry and instead I like to discuss the issue and get it sorted out.But after marriage everything changed. From Day 1, she got angry on very little things like not giving hug/not drinking milk, using the phone while eating, laughing with colleagues while working or even if I cooked without informing. Getting angry is fine but she locks herself in a room for 5-10 hours and won't even respond to me. That irritates me the most. If by chance the door is open and when I enter, she won't see me and just go away like I'm some sort of stranger. I explained a lot but conveying this is wrong and it hurts me a lot, but still she does the same. I cried like a baby when I held her for not allowing her to leave the room.This has become a habit. In 4.5 months this happened for 2-3 months. My parents came home recently. Even during that time when we went out she got angry on a few things. I am not sure what it was about. When I am with family, I should respond to their needs but can't stay with her completely right? Why she can't understand it?I have to plead with her 1-2 hours to talk to me on the issue and then she tells me 'I did this/that and due to this, she got angry like the one I gave example above.She doesn't wake up till 8:30 or 9am. She won't cook or help me with household activities. And even when my mom came to teach her cooking, she didn't go. But in general, she says I want to learn cooking and especially learn what my husband likes.How much I can do? I'm getting frustrated with this behaviour and even informed her 'You're making me afraid to talk to you thinking what might get you angry.' Still no use. Please help me.
Ans:

Dear SD,

I have heard your side of the story but haven’t heard your wife on the same issue.

It seems the way you have described that your wife’s behaviour is unreasonable and selfish.

But I do believe that it takes two to tango.

What ever made her turn around differently from what she agreed upon before marriage?

Was she forced into this marriage?

Maybe it’s time to ask her:

What can I do for you?

What about me or my behaviour annoys you?

These questions shift from blame game to a solution space where you also take on the onus along with her to make the marriage work.

Obviously, something isn’t going on right and instead of bringing more instances that will prove that she’s at fault, why not bring in a space where the two of you work on your marriage.

Most times, just a shift in this thinking saves marriages and relationships.

All the best!

(more)
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |152 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 04, 2023

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Relationship
My wife frequently quarrels with me, putting up baseless aligations on character shoutingly so much that everyone in our apartment hears it easily. This conduct of her is affecting badly my 4 year son and 12 year old daughter and badly tarnishing my social life. We are now married for last 10 years and she is always like this towards me. Please hlp as it is effecting my health. Thanks.
Ans: Dear Irfan,

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this difficult situation in your marriage. It sounds like your wife's behavior is not only affecting you, but also your children and social life.

It's important to communicate openly with your wife about how her behavior is affecting you and your family. You can try to have a calm and respectful conversation with her about your concerns and express how her behavior is hurting you and your children. It's important to avoid being defensive or confrontational, as this can escalate the situation and make things worse.

If your attempts to communicate with your wife are not successful, it may be helpful to seek the advice of a marriage counselor or therapist. A trained professional can help you both to identify the underlying issues that are causing the conflicts and provide you with tools and strategies to improve your communication and relationship.

In the meantime, it's important to prioritize the well-being of your children and yourself. You can seek support from trusted friends or family members, join a support group, or consider individual therapy to help you cope with the stress and emotional toll of the situation.

Remember, it's not healthy or acceptable for anyone to be subjected to baseless allegations or verbal abuse. It's important to take steps to protect yourself and your family from this behavior, whether that means seeking professional help
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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |96 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 21, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi there, I have been married for 15 years now and have a child who has Autism. Me and my wife live in USA and my mother had been living with us for an extended stay since 2020 until 2022 due to COVID 19 travel restrictions. Although my mother and my wife would get along ok, there would be a period in between when she would suddenly be angry at her and me for any random reason. Like we did not name our son in the way her friend did. This used to happen every few weeks and then become ok. In the meanwhile we were busy with therapies and treatments for my son. However, two years back she asked that my Mum (Over 75) leave immediately as she does not want her anymore. She took it to extreme by manipulating me to go against my mother, verbally abusing and shouting at her, accusing her of voo doo and saying that she wants her (my wife dead) and also not sparing my brother who lives in a different country. She refused counselling and asked for a divorce. There would be days when I would lock the door and sleep in a separate room. Eventually during a medical checkup she got diagnosed for cancer just after my mother went back to India. After a harrowing year and a half she is now cancer free but still her some side effects. I was thinking that this change of beaviour may have been due to the cancer but now that she is cured there is not much change except that the outbursts seem to have reduced. We are now back in India for a holiday since the past 2 months but live separately. She initially did not want to return to USA but now wants to go back. I am afraid the same issues as earlier would again start. She has clearly stated that she has no love or respect for me. I have been caring for my son and he is living with me while in India. I wonder what is the path forward
Ans: I understand that you're in a very difficult and confusing situation. Your wife's behavior, the separation, and the recent developments have undoubtedly created emotional strain and uncertainty. While I cannot offer personal advice or diagnose psychological issues, I can provide some insights and suggestions to help you navigate your path forward:

Understanding the Situation:

Your wife's behavior: It's impossible to definitively say what caused your wife's behavior without detailed information and professional expertise. However, her outbursts, accusations, and lack of love/respect could indicate various factors like stress, mental health issues, or unresolved personal conflicts.
Impact of cancer: While cancer and its treatment can affect mood and behavior, it's crucial to consider additional factors beyond the diagnosis.
Communication Breakdown: The lack of communication and refusal of counseling suggest deeper issues that need open and honest dialogue.
Moving Forward:

Prioritize your son's well-being: Ensure his needs are met in a stable and healthy environment. Seek professional guidance if needed.
Focus on your own well-being: Seek individual counseling or therapy to process your emotions, understand your options, and build resilience.
Open communication: If both of you are willing, consider couples therapy with a qualified professional to address communication issues, understand root causes of conflict, and work towards a future, whether together or separate.
Clear boundaries: If you choose to continue the relationship, set clear boundaries regarding acceptable behavior and communication.
Legal advice: Consult a lawyer to understand your legal rights and options regarding child custody, property division, and other legal matters.
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Asked by Anonymous - Feb 19, 2024Hindi
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I am a 41 year old married man with two sons and I make a decent living. Since few months my relationship with my wife has deteriorated significantly with no apparent reason other then finance. She is always trying to find a fault with me and as soon as she does, she just starts scolding me. I tried hard not to give her a reason to scold me, but that's making her even more frustrated as she creates even more drama when she finds a smallest of a fault which may not be necessarily mine but of my kids. She wont allow me to touch. She wont talk to me, she has this strange anger in her tone whenever she says few things to me. I am even taking her to a Foreign trip this march and we did quiet expensive trip last summer. I dont know what to do? I have tried to sit with her and talk. But no success
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing in your marriage. It sounds like you're trying hard to make things work, including taking your wife on trips to strengthen your relationship. It's positive that you've tried to sit and talk with her, even though it hasn't been successful so far.Communication is key in any relationship, so it's important to keep trying to have open and honest conversations with your wife. Perhaps you could suggest couples counseling as a way to facilitate these discussions in a more structured setting. A counselor could help both of you understand each other's perspectives and find constructive ways to address your issues. Going on trips is great, but also focus on spending quality time together in everyday life. Find activities you both enjoy and make time for each other. Ultimately, it will take effort from both you and your wife to improve your relationship. It may also be beneficial to explore the underlying reasons for the tension, such as financial stress, and work together to find solutions that address both of your needs and concerns.
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Moneywize

Moneywize   |82 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Mar 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 21, 2024Hindi
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What is comprehensive auto insurance policy? What are its benefits? What are the inclusions and non-inclusions if I want to know before buying a comprehensive auto insurance policy?
Ans: A comprehensive auto insurance policy in India offers the most extensive coverage for your car and any third-parties involved in an accident. It's like a two-wheeler for your car's security, providing protection for both your vehicle and your wallet.

Benefits of a Comprehensive Policy:

1. Peace of mind: Covers a wide range of situations, so you'll be financially protected in case of many unforeseen events.

2. Own Damage Cover: Pays for repairs or replacement of your car if it's damaged in an accident, by fire, theft, natural calamities, riots, or even falls victim to vandalism.

3. Third-Party Liability Cover: Takes care of any legal or financial liabilities you incur if your car causes injury, disability or death to a third party, or damages their property.

4. Personal Accident Cover (Optional): Provides financial assistance to you or your family in case of injury or death due to a car accident (depending on the policy terms).

What to Consider Before Buying:

Inclusions:

a. Most accidents (collision, hit and run)

b. Theft (partial or complete)

c. Fire damage

d. Natural disasters (floods, earthquakes, etc.)

e. Riots, strikes, and other man-made calamities

g. Third-party property damage and bodily injury

h. Personal accident cover (if opted for)

Non-inclusions:

a. Damages due to wear and tear

b. Driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs

c. Mechanical or electrical breakdown

d. Depreciation on parts replaced during repairs

e. Using the car for illegal purposes

Additional Tips:

1. Add-on Covers: Enhance your policy with optional extras like engine protection or zero depreciation cover for a more comprehensive safety net.

2. Compare Quotes: Get quotes from different insurance companies to find the best coverage and price for your needs.

Remember, a comprehensive policy offers superior protection compared to third-party only insurance, which is mandatory by law but only covers your liability towards third parties. For a secure ride on Indian roads, a comprehensive policy is the way to go.
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Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |248 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Mar 28, 2024

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Career
My daughter did her graduation in November 2023 from a top-ranked university in Canada - University of British Columbia, Vancouver (QS World Rank within 35). She is interested in a job in the fields of Artificial Intelligence and related software domains. She graduated with an interdisciplinary BSc in Cognitive Systems, including several courses from Computer Science, Artificial Intelligence and Machine Learning, Neuroscience, etc.. Unfortunately, unlike in US universities, there's no Campus Placement facilities available in UBC and most Canadian universities. Please advise how to get into a job in this gloomy economic scenario, in Canada (USA is ruled out because OPT is not available for non-US university graduates).
Ans: Hello Indranil. Thanks for reaching out to us. Given your daughter's background in cognitive systems with coursework in computer science, Artificial Intelligence, Machine Learning and Neuroscience from a prestigious institution like the University of British Columbia (UBC), she has a strong base for having a career in AI and related fields. Although no campus placement is challenging, there are ways to find a job while keeping in mind the gloomy economic condition.

1. Encourage your daughter to leverage her professional network, including alumni, professors, and industry contacts. Attending industry events, seminars, and meetups can provide valuable networking opportunities and help her connect with potential employers or mentors in the field of AI and software development.

2. An online presence, such as having an account on LinkedIn, is important. She can showcase her skills and achievements—both academic and extracurricular—so far, reach out to professionals,etc

For further assistance, you can get in touch with us
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