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Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 15, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Anonymous Question by Anonymous on Nov 15, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

A few months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of 10 years and I am about to get married in December. It was his decision to break up because he had found someone else. A few days ago, he tried to commit suicide because he realised he loves me truly. He knows that I am engaged and will move to another city soon which is difficult for him because we are also best friends. While speaking to a common friend, I realised that he has been trying to contact me but since I had blocked him he couldn't get through to me. He had even come to meet me at work but I was unavailable. I feel terribly guilty. What should I do?

Ans:

Guilt is not reason enough to go back to an ex, especially one who dumped you for someone else.

If, on the other hand you love him, that's another situation altogether, but you haven't specified that you do.

It may just be that he wants you back because you have now committed to another man?

You need to figure out what you want and who you want. Do you want to give him another chance? How likely is he to break your heart again?

And, on a separate note, I think you're rushing into marriage by December. You haven't given yourself any time to breathe after a decade-long relationship. Why?

Don't marry on the rebound; that will be a terrible mistake, even if you're not going back to your previous boyfriend.

Figure out whether you want to make contact with him first and why. Then take things forward.

 

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 06, 2021

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I am in a very difficult situation I am not getting what to do so I am writing you this mail for your suggestion. I was in love from 6years our love life was very good . We were very happy and promised to get married also but suddenly my boyfriend said we can’t marry because of his family issues so I accepted that with a big heart. He asked me to marry another guy I accepted that also. And after some days my marriage got fixed with another guy and I got married also. But soon after my marriage my boyfriend realised my love and started crying. He started calling me and soon after 2 days of my marriage he was continuously calling me and this created a very big problem. My husband saw his calls and msgs and started chatting with my boyfriend pretending to be me only. They both talked and my boyfriend told my husband everything about our past things. My husband got angry he started beating me getting angry on me started following me and due to all this he left me. After my husband left me I called my boyfriend and said: Now my husband left me so what to do. You are also not accepting me. My boyfriend said: I don't have anything to do with you I don't need you at all and plz go away from my life. Now I don’t know what to do. Can you plz help me or guide me.
Ans: Dear V, I can only imagine what you are going through.

One man (husband) judges your situation and as hard as it is for any person, it would have been great if he didn’t play peeping Tom and instead confronted you to work things out with you. And the other man (boyfriend) dumps you in sheer fright and runs for his life.

Do you seriously want to beg either of them for a place in their lives?

They have both displayed total lack of maturity! But in their defense, they have felt cheated and not known how to deal with the situation. BUT nothing justifies physical abuse…

I do work with couples to bring them together where it seems possible. Reconciliation with your husband is possible both of you choose that path. Involve a senior member from both sides of the family and bring it to a neutral place; shedding egos along the way.

Work with a Marriage Therapy expert who can then help you re-evaluate your priorities and put things in perspective.

Work as a team (if both of you want that) and rebuild the marriage. It might seem like a lot of work, but it’s possible…So, move in that direction if you see that glimmer of hope as well.

Best wishes.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |589 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am a 22 year old female with an engineering graduation passed before 6 months. I had an long term relationship with my boyfriend since 4.5 years. We both are from different cities of KA and currently in it's capital city. I socialize with my male friends, which my bf does'nt like and whenever we meet it always turns into a fight. During my college graduation day, I was told not to participate which I did'nt agreed yet participated. During this my bf saw me with my friends around me and slapped me in public. This happened many times. Even though I have had quite a intimate time with one of my classmate and kissed another one. I never had real S*x with anyone. The intimacy was only to show my anger on my bf. Now I changed my location after graduation, broke with my bf and now I have a deeper understanding & relationship with a man of 42 aged-married-2 kids and a yet good being. We both had good time, no trust issues, no s*x, yet intimacies for couple of times. He keeps me happy, joyful, helping me towards my profession and goal, respects, looks me well and yet never forced me for penetration. He has plans to fly to UK after 3-5 years and promised to take me with him supporting my profession. I was really contented and happy with this relationship. He even assured that marriage can happen between us, If I agree and If I can wait until he gets divorced from his wife. But one day, my ex bf friend called and said that he has met with an accident and is in severed health issues like (piles, kidney stones). He is basically a drunkyard. Seeing this I got agitated. Now I wanted to breakup with the current man and go back to by ex-bf because he is left alone and we had 4.5 years of relation. I don't whether I am correct or not, Please advise.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am not sure if you are right either way. Being in a relationship with a married man, who is yet to get divorce, is ethically incorrect, whether there is physical intimacy or not. At the same time going back to your ex merely because you feel sad for him is also not the right choice. You are yourself admitting that he is a drunkard and he was also controlling and above all he slapped you; there's no excuse for any form of physical abuse in a relationship. Being in love does not make it okay to hit your partner. Please understand that.

In my opinion, you should take some time to reflect on the choices you are making. I truly believe you deserve better than a man who hits you, tries to control you, and a man who is already committed to someone else. Please think about it and make better choices that will allow you to feel true happiness.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |586 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 21, 2024
Relationship
In 2023 I had met a boy .We have become friends and later on we developed feeling for each other.Then we decided to get into relationship and that would be temporary because I belong to orthodox family and he was not interested in marriage.We went through physical things and everything was fine until I started getting matches for my marriage.Then we had fight and later on the match got cancelled due to groom's intrest.still I was in relationship.Then I got another match in 2024april.I agreed to the match and said it's time we need to stop our relationship.He didn't agree for that and said I need to stay in the relationship until may or else he will send our private pictures to my family and fiancee family.Due to some reason I couldn't meet him in the may month so he extended upto aug .In between he has tortured me that I should not talk with my fiancee also forced me for physical things .I am extremely devastated and tried to take my life for three times.Later on he increased time until October and I lost my patience told my cousin brother about this in September.He spoke with the guy and said you should move on she is not interested in you now One day he texted my mom about us and I got extremely tensed and worried so I have spoke with his parents also my brother did.They said they will talk with him and I felt it was relief .Then a week later he started txtng me again that I have cheated him and he will commit suicide and write my name as reason .I didn't reply for that .Later on he again sent me message that He loves me and want to marry me .I said I don't want to marry you.Now am feeling extremely scared and tensed as marriage is in November and he would stop my marriage.Please help me I don't know what to do.I don't want him in my life as he has tortured me a lot.I am extremely scared of him now I have lost all my feelings.Also he has all my family contacts and my fiance contracts.Please help me .pleaseee
Ans: What you’re describing is a clear form of manipulation and abuse, and no one deserves to be treated this way. First of all, it’s crucial to recognize that his behavior—using threats, emotional blackmail, and manipulation to control you—is not only wrong, but it's also abusive. This situation is likely causing you a lot of fear, anxiety, and distress, and it’s completely understandable that you feel overwhelmed. But you don’t have to face this alone, and there are steps you can take to protect yourself.

The first thing I would advise is to take your power back emotionally. His threats are designed to make you feel like you’re trapped, but the truth is, he’s the one in the wrong, and what he’s doing can be dealt with. I understand that he’s threatening to expose your private photos and contact your family, which feels terrifying, but this is actually a form of blackmail and is illegal. The important thing to remember is that you are not responsible for his actions, nor his threats, and you have every right to protect your life, your dignity, and your peace of mind.

It’s also clear that he’s trying to emotionally manipulate you by saying he will harm himself if you leave. This is another form of abuse, and it’s important to recognize that you cannot control or be responsible for his decisions or behavior. People who make threats like this often do so as a way to trap the other person, but it is not your burden to carry. If you continue to allow his threats to control your decisions, it could lead to further emotional and psychological harm.

Now, I know you’re scared, especially with your marriage coming up in November, and you’re worried that he might do something to sabotage it. This fear is completely valid, but you don’t have to let him hold this power over you. It’s really important to bring in support from trusted people in your life. You’ve already involved your cousin, which was a great step, and you’ve tried to communicate with his parents, but it’s clear that more needs to be done.

At this point, I would recommend involving someone in a position of authority, whether that’s the police, a legal professional, or even a women’s protection organization in your area. In many countries, including India, there are specific laws protecting women from blackmail, harassment, and abuse. If you don’t feel comfortable going to the police on your own, you can ask your cousin, brother, or another trusted person to support you through this process. You can explain that this individual is threatening you with your private photos and trying to manipulate you into staying in a relationship, which is a crime.

On an emotional level, I know how hard it must be to face this kind of stress, especially when you’re preparing for a new chapter in your life with your fiancé. But it’s crucial to not let fear paralyze you. Instead, take it one step at a time. By telling the truth to the right people, such as your cousin or fiancé, you’ll likely find more support than you realize. I know it feels like everything might collapse if he exposes your relationship, but staying silent often gives him more power. The moment you start taking action, you will regain control over your life.

I would also recommend considering some professional emotional support for yourself, like speaking with a therapist or counselor. It sounds like this has taken a heavy toll on your mental health, and you’ve already been pushed to such an extreme point that you’ve considered self-harm. This is a sign that you need emotional support to help you cope with the trauma of what you’ve been through.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |589 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I'm came into a relationship after 2-3 months of having a breakup. It's been 1.5-2 years we are in a relationship I'm his first love. So he's very serious about me. But now as my ex called me a few time all these years & I didn't blocked him until last time my bf thinks I used him to overcome my past relationship & I never loved him. He's soo much hurt from me & he has given me one last chance to move on & not to hurt him again otherwise I'll lose him forever.. other than my relationship I have also hurted him way too much I didn't understood his needs of affection & love he never asks me for anything nothing at all for sharing emotions or anything... He's himself struggling with a lot of things in his life... & I have made many mistakes I have hurted him soo much... I'm in a lot of guilt now... That bcoz of me he's hurt & now I can't do anything I just want him to be alright but idk how... I have this last chance to keep my relationship alive, I just want him to be okay... It's hurting me remembering my past & it's hurting me more that I have hurted someone who truly unconditionally loved me...????????
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly sorry to see you so conflicted. I am not completely certain what went down between you two but in general, a good and honest conversation can help in such situations. Since you mentioned hurting him by not understanding his needs, I recommend you to focus more on communication. Ask him about his love language- what would make him happy, what he expects from you, what you could expect from him, and more. This way, there will be clarity. I am sure you did nothing to hurt him intentionally. Please be strong; this is just a fleeting issue.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 18, 2025
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hi me ek gov. servant hu meri monthly salary 80000/- hai maine sbi home loan 2500000/- liya (Des-2022 / 18 years) hai monthly emi 230000/-hai wo maine ghar pune mai liya hai usko rent par diya hai 15000/- meri 20 years se job kar raha hu maine gpf mai 40,00,000/- saveing kar li hai jo latest rate of intreast 7.1 % hai jo comunding milta hai mai gpf har saal 300000/- saveing karta hu 6000/- mutual fund main sip hai bachhonki (11Years girls & 5 years Boy ) school fees har saal 100000 hai aur sukanya samrudhi main bhi minimum savng hai muje next ek ghar banawana hai jo maine ek plot liya tha uspar abhi mere pas 1400000 hai jo baki paiso ke liya kya gpf mese paise nkale ya lone lake aur meri saveing sahi hai
Ans: Your planning is disciplined. You are managing loans, savings, and family needs with balance. Let’s go point-by-point and assess your situation professionally from all angles. This will help you take the best decision for building your second house and securing your future.

Current Financial Snapshot
Your monthly salary is Rs. 80,000.

Your EMI is Rs. 23,000 for the home loan taken in Dec 2022.

You earn Rs. 15,000 monthly from renting this house.

You have completed 20 years in government service.

You have saved Rs. 40 lakh in GPF earning 7.1% interest compounded.

You are contributing Rs. 3 lakh every year to GPF.

You have SIP of Rs. 6,000 in mutual funds.

You have two children – one is 11 years and the other is 5 years.

You pay Rs. 1 lakh yearly as school fees.

You contribute to Sukanya Samriddhi at minimum level.

You have Rs. 14 lakh saved to build a house on your plot.

Now the key question is: Should you use GPF for building your house or take a loan?

Let’s assess this from multiple angles.

Home Construction: Options Available
You have 2 choices to complete the home construction:

Withdraw money from GPF

Take a new home construction loan

Each option has benefits and limitations. Let’s compare clearly.

Using GPF for House Construction
Advantages

It is your money, so no interest to pay.

No EMI burden or repayment pressure.

Withdrawal from GPF for house is allowed as per rules.

Emotionally peaceful – you are not increasing debt.

Disadvantages

GPF gives 7.1% compound interest.

Once withdrawn, that compounding stops on that amount.

GPF is your retirement backup.

Reducing it will affect your old age financial safety.

Building a house is one-time, but retirement is a long journey.

Professional Insight

GPF should be your last option, not the first.

Withdraw only if no other option is available.

Taking Home Construction Loan
Advantages

You keep your GPF intact.

You continue to earn 7.1% interest compounded.

You get home loan tax benefits under 80C and Section 24.

Repayment can be structured as per your budget.

Disadvantages

You have to pay EMI regularly.

Loan rate may be 8-9% range, higher than GPF interest.

It adds more debt pressure on you.

Professional Insight

EMI is manageable if you plan carefully.

GPF balance of Rs. 40 lakh gives safety cushion.

So taking loan makes more sense, if EMI is affordable.

Monthly Budget Assessment
Salary: Rs. 80,000

Existing EMI: Rs. 23,000

Rent income: Rs. 15,000

School fee yearly: Rs. 1 lakh

SIP: Rs. 6,000

You are already managing EMI, fees, and SIP with discipline.

If you take another loan of Rs. 10-12 lakh, EMI will be Rs. 8,000 to Rs. 10,000 approx.

This is possible, if rent is used wisely and you avoid big expenses.

Child Education and Future Planning
Your daughter is 11 years. In 7 years, college will start.

Son is 5 years. So you have 13 years before his higher education.

You should increase SIP gradually every year.

Sukanya Samriddhi is good, but minimum saving is not enough.

Start SIPs for both kids’ future goals separately.

Target long term goals like higher education and marriage.

Continue SIP even during home construction.

Retirement Safety Evaluation
GPF is your retirement backbone.

Rs. 40 lakh at 7.1% compounded will double in around 10-11 years.

If you withdraw now, final corpus will reduce sharply.

Avoid disturbing it unless absolutely needed.

Continue Rs. 3 lakh yearly contribution without fail.

Strategy for New House Construction
You already have Rs. 14 lakh saved.

Let’s say construction needs Rs. 25 lakh.

Gap is Rs. 11 lakh approx.

Best strategy:

Use Rs. 14 lakh saved by you.

Take home construction loan of Rs. 10-12 lakh.

Keep GPF untouched.

Keep GPF for future security.

How to Manage Construction Loan EMI
Use rent income to cover part of EMI.

Avoid unnecessary luxury spending.

Cut gold and festival expenses if needed.

Take loan with flexible prepayment option.

When bonus or arrears come, use for loan part-payment.

Investment Rebalancing Tips
Increase SIP from Rs. 6,000 to Rs. 10,000 next year.

Keep mutual fund SIP for both child and your retirement.

Start one new SIP for daughter’s higher education.

Use mutual fund only for long-term goals.

Avoid index funds. They don’t beat inflation after tax.

Active funds adjust to Indian market better.

Emergency Fund Reminder
Keep at least Rs. 1.5 to 2 lakh as emergency fund.

Don’t use this money for house or loan.

Keep it in savings account or short-term liquid fund.

Insurance Planning
Check if you have term life insurance.

Minimum Rs. 50 lakh coverage is needed.

Premium is low for government servants.

Also take health insurance for full family.

School Fee and Lifestyle Cost
Your school fee is Rs. 1 lakh yearly.

It will grow as kids grow.

Plan SIP in liquid funds to prepare yearly school fee.

Final Construction Strategy
Estimate house construction cost with contractor clearly.

Plan in 2-3 stages. Use cash first, then loan.

Keep Rs. 1 lakh buffer for emergency during construction.

Finally
Your savings habits are very good.

GPF is strong pillar. Keep it growing.

Don’t touch GPF now.

Take small loan for second house.

Manage EMI smartly with rent and budget.

Increase SIP yearly for kids and retirement.

Avoid index funds.

Stay consistent.

Review yearly with proper planning.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8469 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2025

Money
Hello Sir I have a question that i have existing home loan of now rs 2900000 and 25 years of time has left rest i have paid , i am investing 1 lac per month in mutual funds and investing in gold as well shall i pay my laon first or keep.investing in mf and gold and keep paying emi plus extra amount in loan my loan roi is 8.80%
Ans: Your approach is sincere and responsible. Managing Rs. 29 lakh home loan while investing Rs. 1 lakh monthly needs clarity. You also invest in gold. Your focus seems on building wealth and becoming debt-free. Let’s assess your current situation from all angles and guide accordingly.

Understanding the Current Scenario
You have a home loan balance of Rs. 29 lakh.

Loan interest rate is 8.80%.

Loan tenure left is 25 years.

You are investing Rs. 1 lakh every month in mutual funds.

You are also buying gold regularly.

You are paying regular EMIs.

You are also thinking to prepay the home loan partially.

This situation is not uncommon. Many in your position face the same decision. Let us now break it down for better understanding.

Loan Repayment vs Investment: Core Conflict
Loan EMI gives guaranteed interest saving.

Mutual funds and gold have market risk. Returns are not fixed.

Loan rate is 8.80%. This is a high cost in long term.

Mutual funds can give 12% in long term. But no guarantee.

Gold can give 6-7% return over long term. Also not guaranteed.

So comparing loan vs MF or gold is not just about return.

Risk, liquidity, and financial goals must be seen together.

Evaluating Home Loan Repayment Strategy
Home loan gives tax benefit on interest under Sec 24(b).

But this benefit reduces over time as interest part reduces.

Long tenure increases total interest paid.

If you prepay loan now, you save high future interest.

Partial prepayment every year brings great interest saving.

Even Rs. 1 lakh prepayment per year can cut 4-5 years from loan term.

So prepayment makes sense if no other high priority goals pending.

Understanding Mutual Fund Investment Potential
You are investing Rs. 1 lakh monthly. That is commendable.

Mutual funds help build long term wealth.

Actively managed funds perform better than passive ones in India.

Index funds don’t beat inflation much after tax.

Active funds adjust to market cycles better.

Your SIP of Rs. 1 lakh may give strong corpus in 15-20 years.

Taxation on MF has changed now. Need to plan redemption smartly.

Short-term capital gains are taxed at 20%.

LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

Role of Gold in Portfolio
Gold acts as hedge in portfolio.

It protects against currency devaluation and global risk.

But gold alone should not be large part of investment.

It gives 6-7% return in long term.

It is not cash flow generating.

Use gold for diversification only. 10-15% is enough.

Assessing Your Loan Repayment Capacity
If you can spare extra Rs. 20-30K per month, loan prepayment makes sense.

Continue EMI as usual. Add lump sum when possible.

Avoid using your mutual fund SIP for prepayment.

Don’t stop gold purchase fully. Just reduce it if needed.

Balance your cash flow between all goals.

Combining Both: Smart Way Forward
You can do both prepayment and investments side by side.

Continue Rs. 1 lakh monthly in mutual funds.

From bonuses, windfalls, use part for home loan prepayment.

Avoid stopping SIP. It compounds over time.

Increase SIP by 5-10% yearly if income grows.

This way you build wealth and reduce debt slowly.

Tax Impact and Liquidity Planning
Prepaying home loan gives emotional peace.

But MF investments are liquid in emergencies.

Loan prepayment is not reversible.

Once paid, money is locked in property.

Keep emergency fund ready. 6 months expenses is good target.

Your Child and Family Needs
You have a child. Future education will need funds.

Mutual funds can fund child education and marriage.

Prepaying loan is less flexible than investing for child's future.

So don’t rush to be debt free if child goals are underfunded.

Cash Flow Planning for Better Balance
Track your monthly cash flow closely.

Prioritise emergency fund first.

After that, child education fund.

After that, home loan prepayment.

Avoid big gold purchases if loan EMI is tight.

Keep gold for portfolio balance only.

Emotional vs Logical Decision-Making
Loan-free life feels peaceful.

But wealth creation needs patience.

Don’t get swayed by fear of loan.

Instead, make clear plan.

Mix investment with prepayment.

What You Can Practically Do Now
Continue SIP of Rs. 1 lakh.

Build emergency fund equal to 6 months expense.

Invest at least Rs. 5-10K monthly for child education.

Reduce gold purchase to 10-15% of monthly investment.

Once emergency fund is ready, prepay Rs. 1-2 lakh per year in home loan.

Final Insights
Your loan is at 8.80%.

Mutual funds can beat this in long term.

But loan is risk-free return.

Emotional peace matters too.

Balance both wisely.

Stay consistent.

Do yearly review of all investments.

Increase SIP and loan prepayment step-by-step as income grows.

Avoid random investment decisions.

Be goal-based always.

Invest through certified professionals who guide with long-term vision.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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