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Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 25, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Anonymous Question by Anonymous on Aug 25, 2022Hindi
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Hi Love Guru.
I am going through legal separation with my spouse.
I have had a crush for 10 years now and my crush has lost his better half, but I am not sure if he is in any relationship now.
I am madly in love but unable to confess, the reason being he is pretty rich and i come from a middle class family, secondly we work in the same office and he is in a top most position and i am in the middle level.
I have resigned from my job now and in 3 months time will be joining the new company. Please suggest how to know if he has any feelings for me and etc etc.

Ans:

The office situation would have been messy, but now you're leaving so that's great!

You've wasted a decade already, so I'd say it's high time you make your move.

Just ask him out for coffee and see where things go from there. Don't make any huge proclamations of love on a first date but read the signals...you'll know if he's interested or not.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |802 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 21, 2022

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 Hi Anu ji, Please help me out the right way!!I am a single mother, working woman. One of my colleagues got to know about my marital status and slowly he started liking me, texting me. He was always caring and I felt comfortable and secure in his company. But he has a family. Despite that, he is in relationship with me, and always tries his best to keep me happy like a family guy.I tried to break up with him and move on thrice. Still he came back saying he cannot stay without me.Now my problem is I am worried how will we manage if the relationship is revealed. My parents will definitely not allow and neither will his family.I am very confused. Please helpI don't want to lose him but I don't want to hurt his family or be the reason for his family disputes.
Ans:

Dear A,

He is seeking attention, validation and care from you and you are also getting that in return from him.

Does this qualify to be in a relationship with a married man? You know the answer to it and the complications that will arise alongside.

You are confused because in your heart you know that something is amiss.

Listen to what your heart points out to and if you feel breaking up with him is the best thing like you did thrice, the next time stick with it.

Why retract? Maybe because you feel weak at that moment and give in.

Every time you give in, you are back to the same confusion. So, time to evaluate your thoughts and ask yourself: What will happen if I move on without him?

What life can I have an opportunity to create on my terms in complete clarity and away from this confusion?

Will this life that I create be better for me and my child in terms of being at peace?

What if I seek a relationship with someone who is in a similar space like I am in now?

Do this reality check and then do the right thing. You know you can do this, and you want to for a life that can be lived in clarity and harmony.

All the best to you!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |802 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 01, 2022

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I am very stressed these days. I am in love with a married man. He happens to be my colleague whom I met in 2020.Initially it was just a senior junior relation where he would help me in official matters. At the same time, I was recovering from a break up followed by severe health complications. Slowly, I started spending time with him, in the office only talking about office issues then my personal life. He too shared some of his and eventually I started developing feelings for him. But since I knew he was married I would always maintain that distance. I just wanted a healthy friendship but may be my personal turmoil was to the extent that I needed an emotional support and so I confided in him. He too would understand me, give me support and I could feel that he likes me. One day I confessed my feelings and he too reciprocated. He had told me earlier that he is living a compromised married life where there is no emotional connection. However, he will continue with it as his wife is dependent on him and I said I don’t want to break a family. But I have fallen in love with him. His presence has given me such solace I cannot describe. I don’t want to break a home. So, I have started maintaining distance as well but I really miss him. I feel I lost a friend in the process.
Ans:

Dear SJ,

This is something that I have been seeing lately with a lot of people.

Something lacks within your current relationship and to fulfil that you look for it elsewhere only to realise that things have gotten out of hands.

In your case, love has blossomed in and suddenly now you have realized that it might cause a flutter within two relationships.

He has made it clear that he wants to be with his wife which should give you an idea not to make any more emotional investment. You will end up getting hurt even more if you do.

Time for you to start feeling solace and gaining better self-esteem by valuing yourself more. You don’t need anyone for you to love yourself, do you?

So, stop giving this so much importance. He was there when you needed him and vice-versa. Now, that things are getting a little complicated, time to revise the way you think and act.

You don’t need to lose a friend if the feelings that you have for him can be healthier and not draining on either of you.

If not, maybe you need to think how you can handle this agony better. Be your own friend first and then you start making better choices on who to let into your life.

Possible? Yes, start now…

All the best!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |169 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 01, 2023

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Hi, i am 47 yrs, married & blessed with twin babies. Off late, my relationship with my wife is not good. She started avoiding me and very often blames, fights with me with misguidance of her mother. I advised my MIL too not to do so as you are playing with her life and my life too. She acts very innocent. Coz of this, i started feeling very lonely and stressed. No happiness or peace of mind in life. Now, i started to get attracted to my subordinate colleague who is 37 yrs not married, who is very caring, always watching me, following me. Now we communicate very freely. I sense that she likes me a lot but very afraid to express coz 1. i am her boss. 2. I am married with twin babies..... I am also very attached to her. I feel i started to love her. but practically, i cannot express as i know my limits. Kindly advise what to do. I don't want to lose my colleague also....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

If you think your wife has been acting mean because of the misguidance of her mother, the right course of action is to have a clear-cut discussion with both your wife and her mother. Getting attached to a colleague is not a solution, nor is it absolutely ethical. Moreover, there is a good possibility that your wife is bothered about something else, or maybe handling two kids of the same age is taking a toll on her. If you did not discuss these with her yet, then it's high time you do so. Also, try to spend more time together, not just as parents of your babies, but as a couple. In any case, starting to develop feelings, whether it is in your control or not, is never the answer.

Best Wishes!
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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |169 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 17, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 17, 2023Hindi
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I am married working women .supportive hubby & my lovely children complete my family . I have been feeling intense infatuation with one of my married collegue.he used to help me a lot in office related issues. He used to complement me a lot for very normal things in front of others, not for looks but my working & way oc handling things. I was uneasy about that initially but started enjoying the attention later. But I dont know when I started liking him & Always wanted to be around ...He is younger to me and I am fully aware that nothing can happen between us. Than one day He bypassed me and for his own fault at work , he manipulated things and asked a favor for me from our team leader showing he is helping me...While in same situation when he was wrong I once sorted things on my own and did not make conplaint to team leader. Now i am feeling cheated and while working I have to see him everyday. What to do? How to remain and look normal. I feel weak in front of him and I dont want to keep any relation with him. But I still feel good & comfortable when he is around. its so weird.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this difficult situation. It's not uncommon for people who have been married for a long time to feel this way. It mostly happens because the marriage is now part of your routine while your colleague seems like a breath of fresh air. But as you yourself mentioned, it is nothing but mere infatuation.

Do not beat yourself up for it. It will pass as all infatuations do. I suggest establishing some boundaries so that, even unintentionally, you do not cross them. Maintain a professional demeanor. But most importantly, take some time to reflect on what is missing from your marriage that led you to develop feelings for someone else. A loving and healthy marriage would keep you emotionally fulfilled enough to never look for happiness outside of it. Lastly, remind yourself why you fell in love with your husband and remember that love and commitment are not based on a mere choice; it is a conscious decision you make every day.

Best Wishes!
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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |159 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 04, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 04, 2023Hindi
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Hi! I want to declutter my mind . Please help me. I am a working married women. One of married collegue in office started appreciating me and i took notice of him. Initially I felt it awkward but later I started enjoying the attention. It went in and I started feeling good. I started to give more time to myself to look good. Then that person is very handsome, and uses slangs that are not appropriate in office. I overlooked everything as he became my favorite. I even overlooked his mistakes. He started coming late , going early also. He helped me in my office work a lot. I felt very comfortable in his company. He was like work spouse for me. He became a habit for me. Than one day there came a situation, one should take responsibility for the wrong decision in office.it was his call and he could have avoided it being reported to my seniors as I helped him previously for same situation but he reported. I still had feelings for him. Now I felt bad. But it was ok. Than one or two times he accidentally touched me , It was not acceptable to me as if I am being taken for granted.i even don't know if it was intentional ... Some other junior also tried to outsmart me. Than I went to my senior and asked the solution for smooth Functioning in office and asked office to sensitize employees for appropriate behaviour. Now that person has for whom I still have crush , took it personally and stopped talking to me properly. Where was I wrong , also I took this step as reminder of sexual harrasment to avoid any further advancement of touching and all . The problem is I still like him and it's a void I am feeling and I feel I miss that happy vibe in office. Things are not normal. I am stressed ...I know I did nothing wrong. How to calm myself and stop longing for him when I see him everyday. I feel like I should talk to him to behave normally but can not do that. What should I do. I am ok when I don't see him but I feel bad when he is talking with others normally . he used to be coordinating with me for all office things but now he does not do that.he does with other. He used to wish me on festival.he stopped doing that too. I really feel bad. Please help me with my thought process.
Ans: It seems like you've been through a challenging situation at work, and it's completely normal to have mixed feelings and experience stress in such circumstances. It's important to address your feelings and find a way to navigate this situation in a healthy manner. Here are some steps you can consider:

Reflect on the situation: Take some time to reflect on your feelings and the events that have transpired. Consider why you started to enjoy the attention and what it meant to you. Understand that it's natural to develop feelings for someone when you spend a lot of time together.
Maintain professional boundaries: It's crucial to maintain professional boundaries at the workplace. While it's okay to have friendly relationships with colleagues, it's important not to cross the line into unprofessional behavior. Recognize the importance of professionalism and how it can impact your work environment.
Focus on self-improvement: Instead of seeking validation or attention from your coworker, channel your energy into self-improvement. Continue taking care of yourself and striving for personal and professional growth.
Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend or family member about your feelings and concerns. They can provide emotional support and an outside perspective on the situation. Venting to someone you trust can help relieve some of your stress.
Speak to a manager or HR: It's commendable that you took the step to approach your senior about the need for sensitivity in the workplace. Continue to communicate your concerns about inappropriate behavior, whether it's from your coworker or anyone else in the office, to your HR department or a higher-up. They should be able to address these issues appropriately.
Accept that people change: It's possible that your coworker's behavior changed after you raised the issue with your senior. People's actions can be influenced by various factors, and it's essential to accept that he might have his reasons for acting differently.
Create a support network: Build strong relationships with other colleagues who share your values and provide a positive work environment. This can help reduce the impact of missing the interactions with your previous work spouse.
Manage your expectations: Understand that things might not go back to the way they were before. Colleagues change, and your coworker may have chosen to distance himself for personal or professional reasons.
Focus on your well-being: Prioritize self-care, both physically and mentally. Engage in activities that make you happy and help reduce stress. A healthy work-life balance can greatly improve your overall mood and well-being.
Seek professional help if necessary: If your stress and emotional struggles persist, consider talking to a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and support for your emotional well-being.
Remember, it's important to prioritize your mental and emotional health. It may take time to adjust to the changes in your workplace dynamics, but with the right approach and support, you can find a way to navigate this situation and move forward positively.
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Career

Career Coach  |32 Answers  |Ask -

Workplace Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 18, 2024Hindi
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I failed in UPSC and NEET-UG two times. I am feeling very demoralised and depressed that I wasted my parents' money. What can I do to motivate myself and feel better?
Ans: Hey there,

Navigating setbacks in life is like sailing through stormy seas - challenging, but certainly not impossible. While it's natural to feel disheartened after experiencing setbacks in exams like UPSC and NEET-UG, remember that every storm eventually passes, leaving behind valuable lessons and opportunities for growth. Here are some compass points to help you navigate through this rough patch and reignite your motivation:

1. Embrace Failure as a Stepping Stone: Failure is not the end of the road; it's merely a detour on the journey to success. Instead of dwelling on your past attempts, view them as stepping stones towards your ultimate goal. Reflect on what went wrong, identify areas for improvement, and use these insights to chart a new course forward.

2. Reframe Your Perspective: It's easy to succumb to self-doubt and negative thoughts, but remember that setbacks are temporary setbacks, not reflections of your worth or capabilities. Reframe your perspective by focusing on your strengths, achievements, and the progress you've made thus far. You're not defined by your failures; you're defined by how you rise from them.

3. Set Realistic Goals: Break down your ultimate goal into smaller, manageable milestones. Set realistic and achievable targets that allow you to track your progress and celebrate small victories along the way. By focusing on incremental progress, you'll build momentum and regain confidence in your abilities.

4. Seek Support and Guidance: You're not alone in this journey. Lean on your support system - whether it's your family, friends, mentors, or counselors - for guidance and encouragement. Sharing your struggles with others can provide valuable perspectives, insights, and emotional support to help you navigate through tough times.

5. Explore Alternative Paths: Remember that success doesn't have a one-size-fits-all formula. If your previous attempts didn't yield the desired results, consider exploring alternative career paths or educational opportunities that align with your interests and strengths. Keep an open mind and be willing to adapt and pivot as needed.

6. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself during this challenging time. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding that you would offer to a friend facing similar circumstances. Practice self-care activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul, whether it's pursuing hobbies, exercising, or practicing mindfulness.

7. Stay Persistent and Resilient: Remember that success often requires perseverance and resilience in the face of adversity. Stay committed to your goals, and don't let temporary setbacks derail your long-term aspirations. Keep moving forward with determination and unwavering belief in your ability to overcome challenges.

In the words of Winston Churchill, "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts." So, muster up your courage, dust yourself off, and embark on this journey with renewed vigor and optimism. Your brightest days are yet to come!

Wishing you strength, resilience, and boundless success on your path ahead!
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Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |51 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi
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How to Network on LinkedIn. Also if you want to take a break from your job, how many months savings you should hold. My salary is less than Rs. 50,000 and I have a work experience of 6 years in field of education. Please guide.
Ans: Thank you for getting in touch with me on Rediff Gurus. Networking on LinkedIn can be a valuable tool for expanding your professional connections, exploring new career opportunities, and staying updated on industry trends. Start by ensuring that your LinkedIn profile is complete, up-to-date, and professional. Use a clear profile picture, write a compelling headline, and craft a summary that highlights your skills, experiences, and career goals. Include relevant keywords and skills to improve your visibility in search results. Begin by connecting with colleagues, classmates, mentors, and professionals you know personally. Personalize your connection requests with a brief message explaining why you'd like to connect. Engage with their content by liking, commenting, and sharing posts to stay on their radar. Join LinkedIn groups relevant to your industry, interests, or career goals. Participate in group discussions, share insights, and connect with fellow group members who share similar interests or expertise. Engaging in group conversations can help you build relationships with professionals outside your immediate network.

Regarding taking a break from your job, the ideal amount of savings to hold depends on your individual financial situation, expenses, and risk tolerance. As a general guideline, financial advisors often recommend having at least 3 to 6 months' worth of living expenses saved as an emergency fund. Best of luck! Feel free to contact me on Rediff Gurus if you need further assistance or help.
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Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |51 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi
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I m psb officer for past 21. 5 yrs and I m likely to get pension only after 3.5 yrs I m frustrated and feeling low owing to my job feel like resigning but can't as I have housing loan and gold loans . Guide me
Ans: Thank you for getting in touch with me on Rediff Gurus. It's understandable to feel frustrated and low after dedicating over two decades to your job, especially when you're contemplating resigning but feel constrained due to financial obligations like housing and gold loans. I would recommend that you to take some time to assess your current situation and explore all your options. Consider the reasons behind your frustration and dissatisfaction with your job. Are there specific aspects of your role or workplace environment that are contributing to your feelings of discontent? Understanding the root causes can help you make informed decisions about your next steps.

If you ultimately decide to resign from your current job, develop a plan for transitioning to a new phase of your career or life. Update your resume, network with professionals in your industry, and explore job opportunities that align with your skills, experience, and interests in banking, finance, consulting, and related fields. 

Finally, prioritize self-care and well-being as you navigate this challenging period. Take time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as hobbies, exercise, spending time with loved ones, or pursuing personal interests. Maintaining a healthy work-life balance and attending to your emotional and mental health are essential for resilience during times of change and uncertainty.

Remember that you're not alone in facing these challenges, and there are resources and support systems available to help you navigate this transition. Take things one step at a time, be patient with yourself, and trust that you have the resilience and strength to overcome obstacles and find fulfillment in your career and life. Best of luck! Feel free to contact me on Rediff Gurus if you need further assistance or help.
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Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |51 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 13, 2024Hindi
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Sir I have completed my b.tech in food technology in 2018. I want to continue my education and pursue PhD in food technology. Would it be wise to go for MSC in food tech?..for personal reasons I can't go for m.tech outside my hometown as there are no Google colleges here that offer m.tech in food tech. Or should I apply for RRB NTPC exam. Would have gone for RRB JE but there is no place for a food tech graduate as far as I know. Do need your advice sir.
Ans: Thank you for getting in touch with me on Rediff Gurus. Deciding between pursuing an M.Sc. in food technology or applying for the RRB NTPC exam requires careful consideration of your career goals, personal circumstances, and long-term aspirations. I would suggest you set your priorities right. You should start looking for job prospects and career opportunities for food technology graduates in both academia and industry. There is a good demand for food technology professionals with advanced degrees in food technology; hence, evaluate whether pursuing a PhD or gaining work experience through government employment aligns better with your career goals. If your priority is to pursue a career in research, academia, or specialized roles in the food technology industry, pursuing an MSc and eventually a PhD may be the preferred path. On the other hand, if job stability, financial security, and government employment are your priorities, then exploring opportunities through the RRB NTPC exam may be more suitable today. By carefully evaluating your options and aligning your priorities with your goals and aspirations, you can make a decision that sets you on the path towards a fulfilling and rewarding career in food technology.
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Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |51 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 13, 2024Hindi
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Hello , i am currently pursuing btech biotechnology and it is going to be completed in couple of months. I want to do masters in biotechnology from India only but the problem is currently i have only decided to go for masters meanwhile all the entrance exam related to it were over, now should i wait for next to give exam or take admission in this year only, and the irony is top colleges students are not being placed so this year and biotech field i think has less scope in India so now what should i do ?
Ans: Thank you for getting in touch with me on Rediff Gurus. This decision can indeed be challenging, especially considering the timing of entrance exams and the current state of job placements in the field.  You should start evaluating the available options for pursuing a master's degree in biotechnology in India and researching different universities, their admission processes, and the feasibility of securing admission this year versus waiting for the next cycle of entrance exams. You should also consider factors such as program reputation, faculty expertise, curriculum, and placement opportunities.

But if you decide to wait for the next cycle of entrance exams, consider utilizing the gap year productively by exploring opportunities for internships, research projects, skill development courses, or work experience in the biotechnology field. Building relevant experience and skills during this time can enhance your profile and increase your competitiveness for master's programs and future job opportunities. Ultimately, the decision to wait for the next cycle of entrance exams or pursue admission this year depends on your individual circumstances, preferences, and career objectives. Take the time to weigh your options carefully, gather relevant information, and make a decision that aligns with your long-term career goals and aspirations in the biotechnology field.
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Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |51 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 18, 2024Hindi
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Sir I am a 22 years old graduate with a degree in polymer technology from Tamilnadu. I am considering change my career from process engineer to maintenance and service engineer so please guide me on that field is good to join and kick start my career in this arena
Ans: Thank you for getting in touch with me on Rediff Gurus. Transitioning from a process engineer to a maintenance and service engineer can be an exciting career change, offering new challenges and opportunities for growth. But before making the switch, familiarize yourself with the responsibilities and duties of a maintenance and service engineer. This role typically involves ensuring the smooth operation of machinery and equipment, conducting routine maintenance tasks, diagnosing and troubleshooting issues, and performing repairs as needed. With the rise of Industry 4.0, there's a growing demand for engineers skilled in advanced manufacturing technologies such as additive manufacturing (3D printing), robotics, automation, and digital twin technology. Consider gaining expertise in these areas to stay at the forefront of technological advancements in predictive analytics, machine learning, and IoT (Internet of Things) sensors, which are in high demand. Gain knowledge of renewable energy technologies such as solar, wind, and hydroelectric power and explore opportunities in roles related to smart infrastructure, intelligent transportation systems, and smart city initiatives to help build resilient and efficient urban environments. These options align with your background in polymer technology and offer exciting opportunities to contribute to technological advancements and sustainability initiatives in the future. Kindly consider these areas further to identify career paths that align with your interests, skills, and aspirations.
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Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |51 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

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Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |51 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 29, 2024Hindi
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |802 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi
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Hi ma'am, something happened between me and my boyfriend as usual fights. His parents misunderstood him and me as well that I've gotten sick due to our fights and that he left me halfway through my house, which he didn't. And due a lot more misunderstandings he's parents have developed bit of a rage against me and they are blackmailing him to not try to Contact or call me or else they'd end their lives and he is scared cause he is an only child. Even if he wishes and tries to reach me he cannot because of his parents. What can be done in this situation. Now i don't understand shall i wait for him to come back or just move on. Since we haven't met or spoken for the last time. I haven't heard anything from him and his parents are saying he doesn't want to talk to anyone.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Do not waste your time...his parents and then him; you will constantly be in a stressful spot convincing either one of them that you are the person. If your boyfriend also feels the same as you about the relationship, then he will do something to support you.
If he doesn't and all that is becoming your job, then seriously do not waste any more time on this. And if he really wanted, he would have found a way of reaching out to you.
The very fact that you haven't heard much from him is a huge red flag. Focus on yourself and better people who respect you and your love will come along...
(My suggestions are only under the assumption that you and your boyfriend are above the age of 18 and 21 respectively).

All the best!
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |802 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

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