Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 27, 2020

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
SK Question by SK on Oct 27, 2020Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Dear Guru, I'm working as an executive assistant to the director with an Indian subsidiary.

Due to pandemic there's this work from home happening right from the start of lockdown.

At present and till date have to manage my work along with two other colleagues work too. Moreover in addition my boss is leaving too.

All this is so critical that it's stressing me mentally and physically. I'm not able to bear that loss of him leaving in such a scenario.

Though him being married I somewhere liked him from the bottom of my heart.

Initially he tried impressing me through his kind words and behaviour. But in the last one year he suddenly changed bcoz there were certain things happening between him and the management which I was completely unaware of only to learn recently that his job contract wasn't renewed by the management and hence he along with his wife opted for an alternative.

He showed his anger by ignoring/avoiding me. Somewhere I feel that even he didn't wish to leave the company.

I don't wish to break his marriage but I love him (one sided) still dunno if he does or not.

Of late we had tiffs over the phone on work issues and I deleted his number from my contact list saying Goodbye.

He fumed and sent me e-mails in the morning about things to handover as he is leaving :)

Earlier when I had a tiff over msgs that time he called my colleague and asked him to take the handover.

Hope I get some response on the stated issues.

Ans: Dear SK, Why do some of us get caught in a web where we don’t know where we stand in someone else’s life?

I am not going to judge you or lecture you as to your one sided-affection as that is a choice that you have made. But, why give someone so much power to rule your mind that they seem to take the driver’s seat and take decisions for you? Your job, you love…your emotions.

Do remember, that you cannot be an option is someone’s life which is what has happened here.

The hit to your self-esteem has been for you to act in disappointment/anger where you have dropped his number off your list with a curt ‘bye greeting’ which has irked him and his ego.

What were you doing? Throwing the spotlight back onto yourself where you have given him a chance to antagonize you at work?

Can you even complain about it in public? And especially when you knew his loyalties lie with his wife which he made it evidently clear by them taking decisions jointly for their future.

All that has happened, is you being at the receiving end, by laying out your emotions for a little attention from him.

And well, he possibly was enjoying some of it as well. If you were to rewind the clock, go back in time, and ask yourself: What can I do? What must I do where I can keep my emotions healthy and protect my emotional boundaries? Do exactly that now.

Nothing is lost. I can’t promise that he will be back to giving you the attention that you have been used to; all I can say is find some healthy options and grow your social circle.

You may meet someone interesting or you may simply find someone who shares common interests irrespective of gender.

Bottomline; get unstuck from this unhealthy string, cut and maintain that healthy boundary, stick to your work and create a circle of friends and family that care for you. That will be your strength and helo in making better decisions the next time.

Be happy and make the best of life!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 01, 2022

Listen
Relationship
I am very stressed these days. I am in love with a married man. He happens to be my colleague whom I met in 2020.Initially it was just a senior junior relation where he would help me in official matters. At the same time, I was recovering from a break up followed by severe health complications. Slowly, I started spending time with him, in the office only talking about office issues then my personal life. He too shared some of his and eventually I started developing feelings for him. But since I knew he was married I would always maintain that distance. I just wanted a healthy friendship but may be my personal turmoil was to the extent that I needed an emotional support and so I confided in him. He too would understand me, give me support and I could feel that he likes me. One day I confessed my feelings and he too reciprocated. He had told me earlier that he is living a compromised married life where there is no emotional connection. However, he will continue with it as his wife is dependent on him and I said I don’t want to break a family. But I have fallen in love with him. His presence has given me such solace I cannot describe. I don’t want to break a home. So, I have started maintaining distance as well but I really miss him. I feel I lost a friend in the process.
Ans:

Dear SJ,

This is something that I have been seeing lately with a lot of people.

Something lacks within your current relationship and to fulfil that you look for it elsewhere only to realise that things have gotten out of hands.

In your case, love has blossomed in and suddenly now you have realized that it might cause a flutter within two relationships.

He has made it clear that he wants to be with his wife which should give you an idea not to make any more emotional investment. You will end up getting hurt even more if you do.

Time for you to start feeling solace and gaining better self-esteem by valuing yourself more. You don’t need anyone for you to love yourself, do you?

So, stop giving this so much importance. He was there when you needed him and vice-versa. Now, that things are getting a little complicated, time to revise the way you think and act.

You don’t need to lose a friend if the feelings that you have for him can be healthier and not draining on either of you.

If not, maybe you need to think how you can handle this agony better. Be your own friend first and then you start making better choices on who to let into your life.

Possible? Yes, start now…

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |615 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi I am working in an compnay since 4 yrs i had and friendship with my senior and he ia married but staying alone. His family was at native place. We both r maaried and we know about we had family but now we are in relationships since 3 years. As his family was not here i helped him in every manner in covid situtation. We know pur priority is family first. But since his family is here from one year last. He has stopped chatting talking to me. Only we are mostly having one side fight. He is now feeling irritation in talking to me normally also. During my job i m doing better than also everytime he feels irritated. I dont know what to do. Now he is saying he dont have time. He dont want to leave me. But stopped everything's. Only when he needs help he speaks to me or replies to message. I dont want to leave my job nor complaint to someone. What shoul i do dont understand. I have ensured him that i dont want him also to leave his family. Nor i want to leavemy family. I m confused what to do. I have done everything for him and now he has forgot evething. He says he love me he dont want to leave me. But at this situtation what should i do.
Ans: Hello Ms.
It's important to approach this with sensitivity and consideration for everyone involved. Understand that his family is a significant part of his life, and he may need time to adjust to the changes. Respect his commitments and responsibilities towards his family. Think about the long-term implications of the relationship. Consider whether it's sustainable in the current circumstances and whether it aligns with your personal values and priorities. Take some time to reflect on your own feelings and the dynamics of your relationship. Consider whether this situation is bringing you happiness and fulfillment, or if it's causing you distress. Establish clear boundaries in your relationship to ensure that both of you are comfortable and that these boundaries are respected. If he is feeling overwhelmed or stressed with the recent changes in his family situation, it might be helpful to give him some space. Encourage open communication make sure you both are on the same page about the nature of your relationship and the level of communication you both desire.Be prepared for the possibility that the relationship may need to change or come to an end. Reflect on your own priorities and boundaries. Ensure that your relationship doesn't negatively impact your personal and professional life. It's essential to maintain a healthy balance and focus on your own well-being. While this can be difficult, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and the well-being of everyone involved.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |609 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on May 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Dear LG, Please keep this anonymous. I have been married since 6 years. However, since past 5+ years we have not been intimate. We haave a 5&1/2 year kid. Since his birth we have had a lot of differences and his family interference was lot leaving me alone and wounded. I don't stay with my husband and in-laws since then. I had made up that work is worship. But 2 years back I met a colleague. He is 10 years younger to me and we have extremely similar vibes. We enjoy each other's company and cared a lot. Eventually i fell in love with him. But he always knew he wont be able to go against his family. We also had relationship. Now he has strated looking for girls and wants us to stop being intimate. He is saying he wants to be friends and not loose me but not have relationship. We both work together in same space and our area of work is also same. I am unable to forgive my husband and forget this person. He never goes away. He is always there telling that I want to see you happy. He needs me for professional development. And i am not able to loose our relationship. He says physical intimacy only I cant have remaining Im there. Then again says I don’t know when I will be there so I am unable to give assurance or promise. I am tormented with a child, work and my health is getting affected. Can you please help?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry that you are in such a tough spot. My advice would be to move on. Yes, I realize that it is easier said than done but let's put things into perspective- first, you have no future with this man, and he has made it clear. Are you okay to keep hanging on to him while he builds his own life? I am assuming no, especially since you have a child. Second, what about your self-respect? He is directly telling you that this relationship is headed toward a dead end. Do you believe you deserve to be with someone who does not want to settle down with you? I believe you deserve better.

I am not blaming him because he made no promises. You are not to be held guilty either because you were in a tough spot and you grabbed the first emotional support you found. But the current reality is that he wants out. And convincing him to stay is not an option. At this point, moving on with your head held high is the best decision. If you want to accept his friendship, that is completely fine. But if that's too much for you, you can always decline it. I understand that working in the same space with an ex is difficult, but as long as you avoid interacting outside of the office and keep things professional, there should not be an issue. On the emotional front, I won't lie, it will hurt for a while. But this too shall pass. I strongly recommend you not to value yourself so low that you stop believing that you deserve a person who loves you back as much as you love him.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |615 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am 31 years old and single. I am working in a company since 2022 and last September i found out my boss is in love with me. Earlier he used to admire for my work. He was always a source of inspiration as his guidance has always helped me to achieve better and make me confident. Together we were a good team.. We took many important decision together, although i am not much experienced but he took my advice in important matters. Its a small company and few employees left gradually, we built a new team and together we trained them. We are very serious about our work and that was our prime focus. He use to tell me how serious he was about me and would like to marry me, will visit my house and meet my parents. One thing i knew was that he is divorced but the details were not very clear to me as he never disclosed and i gave him time as whenever he feels fine he can share. I also told him that my parents would never agree to this. he said he will convince my parents and will even beg for me. I am introvert nature and never cross questioned anything. I had a huge respect for him. He had his share of lows since his father passed away and then he was left alone and taking care of his mother. He values his mother a lot and keep her away from any stress. He keep everything to himself, he was able to share them with me. I am a good listener so always comforted him by listening and not judging him. He made plans about future as how we are going to build a house, take business to new heights and in 1-2 month he made me director of a company. I didn't want all this because it was too early for all this and i don't like accepting things this way. In April, i broke my engagement due to him and my family is in great stress. I lied to them and therefore their trust broke. Since then the whole family is in great pain. I could never do this, i have always followed decision taken by my family and they have always taken care of me. Now in June they came to know about me and him and they disapprove. My mother is very sure that i being emotional have gotten into trap and he manipulated me. He however needs someone in his life and found good option in me as i can handle family and business both. My mother hates him. Now i am so confused. I started keeping distance with him. I resigned few days back. He got ill and is finding hard to recover. The business is affecting due to this as he always feel lost that's what the team told me. He sends me emotional messages. I know he is very alone and must be hurting a lot. He says he always had a strong feeling about me. He worship for me so that we are together forever. He says if i agree he will forever be grateful as he has nobody except me. What should I do? Please help me.
Ans: it's important to recognize and validate your own feelings. You've built a significant bond with your boss, and his support and mentorship have been crucial to your professional growth. However, the dynamics have changed with the revelation of his feelings for you, creating a complex situation that involves your emotions, family, and professional life.

Your family's disapproval and the stress it has caused are significant factors to consider. Their concerns about the relationship, especially regarding manipulation and emotional dependence, need careful reflection. It's essential to ensure that your decisions are based on your own true feelings and not just out of a sense of obligation or pressure.

Regarding your boss, his emotional messages and current state of distress are challenging to navigate. While his feelings for you might be genuine, it's crucial to maintain clarity about your own boundaries and what you want for your future. You mentioned resigning and keeping distance, which indicates a need for space to think clearly.

Given the complexity of the situation, it might be beneficial to seek professional counseling. A therapist or counselor can provide an objective perspective and help you process your emotions and make decisions that are right for you. They can also assist in navigating conversations with your family and your boss, ensuring that your needs and boundaries are respected.

Ultimately, the decision must come from a place of self-awareness and genuine desire, not out of guilt or pressure. It's important to prioritize your well-being and ensure that any relationship, professional or personal, supports your growth and happiness.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 19, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello Anu Mam! I am 31 years old and single. I am working in a company since 2022 and last September i found out my boss is in love with me. Earlier he used to admire for my work. He was always a source of inspiration as his guidance has always helped me to achieve better and make me confident. Together we were a good team.. We took many important decision together, although i am not much experienced but he took my advice in important matters. Its a small company and few employees left gradually, we built a new team and together we trained them. We are very serious about our work and that was our prime focus. He use to tell me how serious he was about me and would like to marry me, will visit my house and meet my parents. One thing i knew was that he is divorced but the details were not very clear to me as he never disclosed and i gave him time as whenever he feels fine he can share. I also told him that my parents would never agree to this. he said he will convince my parents and will even beg for me. I am introvert nature and never cross questioned anything. I had a huge respect for him. He had his share of lows since his father passed away and then he was left alone and taking care of his mother. He values his mother a lot and keep her away from any stress. He keep everything to himself, he was able to share them with me. I am a good listener so always comforted him by listening and not judging him. He made plans about future as how we are going to build a house, take business to new heights and in 1-2 month he made me director of a company. I didn't want all this because it was too early for all this and i don't like accepting things this way. In April, i broke my engagement due to him and my family is in great stress. I lied to them and therefore their trust broke. Since then the whole family is in great pain. I could never do this, i have always followed decision taken by my family and they have always taken care of me. Now in June they came to know about me and him and they disapprove. My mother is very sure that i being emotional have gotten into trap and he manipulated me. He however needs someone in his life and found good option in me as i can handle family and business both. My mother hates him. Now i am so confused. I started keeping distance with him. I resigned few days back. He got ill and is finding hard to recover. The business is affecting due to this as he always feel lost that's what the team told me. He sends me emotional messages. I know he is very alone and must be hurting a lot. He says he always had a strong feeling about me. He worship for me so that we are together forever. He says if i agree he will forever be grateful as he has nobody except me. What should I do? Please help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Things seemed to be going fine for you outside of this boss situation. But it has been messed up! Nevertheless...
It's important for you to understand that you have found yourself 'an emotionally weak person'. He finds great solace in you and you have been very kind enough to lend a shoulder for him to cry on.
Promoting you ahead of time is indication enough for you that he 'needs' you...and when the need is over, he might not find the same kind of closeness with you OR the need may just become greater making him even weaker.
'I know he is very alone and must be hurting a lot'...you have fallen into a guilt trap where if you don't support him, it makes you feel guilty.
He has been very effectively weakening your emotions for you to take care of him. Break this toxic cycle...no offense meant to him...he really needs to grow up...Strong relationships are those that nurture one another and help each other grow...what growth has happened to either of you? In fact, you two seem to be pulling each other down, haven't you? He sends emotional messages!!!!!! Do you not still see his pattern?
You mother isn't fond of him, (wonder why)?????

Be wise about this, look at your life far ahead and actually imagine a life with this person and check for yourself how it is going to pan out and do the same without him and see how it can be liberating for you...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8155 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 07, 2025Hindi
Career
Hi Shoul I take college through comedk or wbjee??
Ans: COMEDK UGET opens doors to over 190 private engineering colleges in Karnataka, featuring NBA-aligned curricula, modern AI/ML and software labs, PhD-qualified faculty, robust industry tie-ups and 80–95% placement consistency across campuses. Its all-India eligibility permits candidates nationwide and offers diverse specializations beyond traditional streams, yet fees tend to be higher and government quotas unavailable. WBJEE grants access to 106 state-level institutions—including Jadavpur University (NIRF #12)—with nominal tuition (?25 K–?4.6 L), extensive reservation benefits and multidisciplinary labs under NAAC/NBA accreditation. However, WBJEE seats are restricted to West Bengal domiciles, specialization options are narrower and average placement rates vary between 75% and 90% depending on the institute.

Pros & Cons
COMEDK delivers broader college choices and specialization tracks with strong private-sector engagement but at higher cost and limited government seats. WBJEE offers affordable education, high-prestige government colleges and reserved seats, while domicile restrictions and fewer private-sector tie-ups may constrain options.

If you seek nationwide access to a wide array of private institutes with diverse specializations and can manage higher fees, recommendation is to pursue COMEDK UGET. If affordability, government quotas, strong regional options like Jadavpur University and robust reservation benefits matter more, recommendation is WBJEE. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8155 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 07, 2025Hindi
Career
Hi sir, My sister is getting iit patna economics, IIT kharagpur chemistry . Which one to choose. Or amrita cse?
Ans: IIT Patna’s four-year B.Tech in Economics is NBA-aligned and NAAC-accredited, delivered by PhD-qualified faculty with strong foundations in micro/macro, econometrics and data analysis, supported by modern computational labs, mandatory internships and a 77.92% placement rate over the last three years with an average package of ?17 LPA. IIT Kharagpur’s B.Sc. Chemistry offers AICTE-approved curricula taught by renowned researchers in advanced organic, inorganic and physical chemistry, featuring specialized synthesis, spectroscopy and materials-characterization labs, robust research funding and active student involvement in faculty-led projects, achieving a 63.64% placement consistency for chemistry graduates. Amrita University’s B.Tech CSE is NAAC A++-accredited, with NBA-aligned specializations in AI/ML, cybersecurity and software engineering, ten specialized labs including an NVIDIA DGX supercomputer, mandatory capstone projects and internships, and a 92% placement rate with 200+ recruiters over the past three years.

For the strongest technical and industry-aligned curriculum, cutting-edge CSE infrastructure and highest placement consistency, recommendation is Amrita University CSE. Next in line is IIT Patna Economics for its data-driven analytics focus and assured internships. Lastly, choose IIT Kharagpur Chemistry for deep research immersion and specialized labs. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8155 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 07, 2025

Career
Sir, I am getting NIT Delhi electrical and nsut delhi instrumentation and control engineering which should I prefer?
Ans: NIT Delhi’s B.Tech in Electrical Engineering is NBA-aligned and NIRF-ranked #45, delivered by PhD-qualified faculty across advanced power-electronics, renewable-energy, control-systems and signal-processing labs, with a curriculum updated under NEP2020 and mandatory one-year capstone projects. It admits 60 students annually, features 160 credit requirements with major/minor options, industry-sponsored internships and an average package of ?15.59 LPA over the last three years. NSUT’s B.Tech in Instrumentation & Control Engineering, NIRF-ranked #57, enrolls 120 students, combines interdisciplinary courses in sensors, automation and process control with state-of-the-art pilot-plant and embedded-systems laboratories, PhD-faculty mentorship and strong MoUs for industrial training; its average package stands at ?12 LPA with 98% placement consistency. Both programmes ensure accredited curricula, robust research centres, disciplined pedagogy and integrated internship pathways.

For a broader electrical-systems foundation, higher average compensation and nationally higher ranking, recommendation is NIT Delhi Electrical Engineering. If interdisciplinary instrumentation expertise with larger cohort and exceptional placement consistency appeals more, choose NSUT Delhi Instrumentation & Control Engineering. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8155 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 07, 2025Hindi
Career
Respected Sir, I got admission into Nxtwave Institute of Advanced Technology in Jaipur affiliated with Vivekananda Global University. I don't really have much options as I was prepared for taking drop but I was suggested to try once for universities. I did get Newton School of Technology as well but it is slightly out of budget. There are direct admissions available too but again affordability is a problem here. I wanted the NIAT Banglore or Hyderabad campus but my father does not find it safe there. Please tell me is my decision right? I will work hard to get a good placement anywhere I am, but do skills really matter over degree. Please reply soon Sir
Ans: NxtWave Institute offers a four-year AICTE-approved B.Tech in Computer Science & Engineering (Data Science) through VGU’s NAAC A+–accredited platform, featuring a real-time adaptive curriculum co-designed with feedback from 3,000+ companies, world-class mentors from Microsoft, Google and IITs, hands-on capstone projects and early paid internships . Pros include an industry-aligned syllabus with semester-wise updates, dedicated placement support, specialization in AI/ML & Data Science, personalized mentorship via NxtWave Admission Test tracking, and strong global MOUs through VGU . Cons are its status as a new standalone institute without its own degree-granting powers (degree awarded by VGU), high fee of ?8 L, limited campus alumni network, emerging infrastructure at Jaipur, and uncertain long-term brand recognition .

Given the blend of adaptive curriculum, elite mentorship and robust internship pathways, recommendation is to join NxtWave Institute NIAT Jaipur for a tech-focused upskilling journey. If you prioritise an established campus ecosystem and broader academic autonomy, consider VGU’s in-house B.Tech programs at established engineering colleges instead. All the BEST for Admission & a Prosperous Future!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know More on 'Careers | Money | Health | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |8155 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 07, 2025Hindi
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x