Hi Anu, I am a married 32 year old woman, a central govt employee with a 4 year old son.
Last year my husband left for some work for 8 to 9 months. He became very busy.
He doesn’t give me time at all, very dry, never shows love, goes out with me only after a lot of insistence. He’s always busy with phone and work. But we were happy. I adjusted with everything. But after we left, I started feeling very lonely.
I signed up for an extra marital app and started chatting with a man from the same city.
After chatting for 6 months, we decided to meet. He is married, and has a 12 year old daughter.
I feel happy in his company. He is caring and pampers me. Even after my husband was back we met.
We meet once a week after our office hours. We get physically intimate once in two to three months.
We do not disturb each other during family time. We talk to each every day for 10 to 15 minutes.
Many a times I felt like I was cheating my husband and decided to move on. But I am not able to get over his love and care.
I will be transferred to another city in 2 to 3 months. So we decided to have a baby and be in touch always.
Pls guide me if am right or wrong.
Need your advice. I can't share it with anyone.

Ans: Dear SSV,

It might help you to take a second and think about what you want. You loved someone and now he is gone. Moving on and finding another person to love is natural. Not being able to forget your ex might not be so much about your ex, as much as it is about you not being ready for another relationship. Allow yourself the time to heal and then look to love and be loved.

Introspection- asking yourself, "Am I really in love?" "Do I need some more time to move on?" "Am I completely healed from the previous breakup?" and so on can help you identify the real problem at hand.

You said, "I don't want to be alone." Are you sure you are not jumping from one relationship to another from the fear of the same? Don't let the fear of loneliness rush you into making moves that you might regret. You can consider stepping back from your current relationship for a heartbeat and figure out what it is that you want without your feelings clouding your judgment. Relationships don't usually work out when you are in two minds about it.

Best Wishes!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is easy to feel a sense of connection with someone who shows you a little attention especially since you don't get any attention at home. But is this worth your time and energy? NO!
The other guy at the park is most likely just being a casual friendly stranger and you are taking a meaning out of it which will fill your vacuum at this moment. Trust me, you don't want to enter this unfamiliar territory which you will start getting used to and slowly outside attention is what you will begin to crave for at any cost.
No point messing up things further. See, if it's possible to rebuild your relationship with your husband. Initially, it may seem too much BUT hey, it takes two people to make a marriage...start first and see what happens even if your in-laws keep interfering, it's about being persistent...Make that attempt...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Dear Surekha,
What you're experiencing is heartbreak, and heartbreak, no matter the circumstances, is incredibly difficult to bear. It's not just about letting go of a person—it’s about letting go of the hopes and emotions you attached to them. You're mourning what could have been, even as you know it wasn't sustainable. Allow yourself to grieve this loss. It's valid, even if the situation feels messy or complicated.

Your emotional attachment to your friend is very real, and it has given you a sense of connection that you may have been craving for years. The thought of losing that bond feels unbearable right now, but I want you to focus on this: the love and comfort you found in him are reflections of what you deserve in life, not just from someone else but also from yourself. You have the capacity to feel and give so deeply, and that’s a beautiful part of you. However, right now, the healthiest thing for your emotional well-being is to gently begin creating some space between you and this relationship. It doesn’t mean cutting him out completely if you don’t feel ready for that, but it does mean slowly reclaiming your heart for yourself.

The pain you're feeling won’t disappear overnight, and that's okay. Healing isn’t about forcing yourself to feel “normal” again as quickly as possible. It’s about sitting with your emotions, understanding them, and letting them flow through you without judgment. When the sadness comes, acknowledge it without pushing it away or clinging to it. Journaling can help—it lets you pour your heart out without fear of being judged. Sometimes, just seeing your thoughts on paper can create a bit of distance and help you process them.

You mentioned that you love your husband as a good friend, even if your marriage hasn't been conventional. Think about what stability and comfort this relationship brings to your life, even if it doesn’t fulfill you romantically. You don’t have to force yourself to feel a certain way about your husband, but recognizing what he and your family provide can be grounding during this emotional turmoil.

For now, lean on things that bring you comfort outside of this relationship—your child, close friends, or hobbies that once made you feel alive. Sometimes, when our emotional world is too overwhelming, focusing on small, manageable actions can help. Go for a walk, listen to music, or even try mindfulness exercises. These things won’t erase your pain, but they can help soften its edges.

Finally, remind yourself that this is a season of your life—it won’t last forever, no matter how unbearable it feels in this moment. You are allowed to feel all the things you're feeling, but you are also strong enough to move through them. If you can, consider speaking to a therapist or counselor. Having someone to hold space for your emotions in a neutral and supportive way can be incredibly healing.

You’re not alone in this, even if it feels that way. You’re navigating a very human, very complex situation, and you’re doing the best you can. Give yourself grace, and know that you will find clarity and peace again, one step at a time.