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Kanchan Rai |623 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 13, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025

Hi sir I don't know from where to start but it happened in this way ,I was from a reserved family with orthodox thinking.so I did love marriage in other caste (we were classes friends)after 17 years I am realising that my husband wants to dominate me ,he talk to me in bad way,he shouts on me ,he let me work but he ask money whenever he needs n pay me nothing. He trigger me in small thing, give me taunt n his mother n sister supports me .I am living in my mother in law house n I have two sons .This mental harassment is increasing day-by-day. He never paid for any of my expense.I m scared what to do to leave him n live my life or to live with him n ignore .what society will say .what to do I don't know. Feeling trapped pl suggest me what to do?

Ans: it's important to recognize that your well-being and safety, both emotional and physical, are paramount. No one deserves to be treated with disrespect or to live in an environment where they feel demeaned or controlled. The constant shouting, taunting, and lack of financial support are serious issues that should not be ignored, as they can significantly impact your mental health and sense of self-worth.

Your feelings of being trapped are compounded by societal expectations and the fear of judgment. However, it’s crucial to remember that society’s opinions should not dictate your happiness or well-being. Living in a situation where you’re constantly subjected to mental harassment can have long-term detrimental effects on your mental health and overall quality of life. It’s natural to fear what others might say, but your peace of mind and the well-being of your children should take precedence.

The support of your mother-in-law and sister-in-law is a positive aspect, but it seems that your husband’s behavior continues to be a source of distress. It’s essential to have a candid conversation with them about your feelings and explore whether they can help mediate or influence change in his behavior. However, if his actions persist and there’s no willingness on his part to change or seek help, you might need to seriously consider your options.

If you’re contemplating leaving, it’s important to plan carefully. This might include seeking legal advice to understand your rights, especially concerning your children and financial support. You could also consider reaching out to a counselor or support group for emotional guidance, as they can provide you with the strength and clarity to make decisions that are best for you and your sons.

Ultimately, the decision to stay or leave is deeply personal and should be made based on what you believe will bring you the most peace and stability. It’s not an easy choice, and it requires a lot of courage and self-reflection. Remember, prioritizing your well-being and creating a healthy environment for yourself and your children is not selfish—it’s necessary. Whatever path you choose, know that you have the right to seek happiness and to live a life free from harassment and control.