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Wife and Mother Not Talking for 26 Years: How to Bridge the Divide?

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1406 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 10, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Erich Question by Erich on Dec 08, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

My wife never had open communication with my mother for 26 years they live separately. what must I do for them to start healthy relationship?

Ans: Dear Erich,
Why are you getting in the middle of two grown-ups? Their relationship dynamic is theirs to take care of and if you interfere, it will invariably become a struggle for you as it will invariably become a game where you will want to see their relationship in a particular way.
If things have been okay for 26 years between them, what's with the open communication? Let them decide if and when they want it...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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I got married in the year 2013 and it was an arranged marriage planned by my parents. I have only one sister who got married in the year 2012. My wife has some issues with my mother and my sister few months after I got married. The primary issue was that my mother and my sister do back biting about her on mobile phone. Although I always denied it and asked my wife to don't focus too much on it. However, last year my wife got call recordings from my mother's phone where my sister was talking meanly about my wife which even I did not like it. I called my wife and brother in law to my place to resolve the differences and it resulted in a better relationship. We recently moved to our newly built house and on the day of the function, my wife saw from a distance my mother and my sister talking to each other in a low tone. She thought they were again talking about her and she got angry. However, my mother denied it and said they were talking about some other issues. My sister came to our place few days after the function and my wife did not talk properly with her. That made my mother angry and she in turn did not talk well with my mother in law who came to our house just recently. Now my wife and mother don't talk to each other and the vibes are quite bad when I enter the house. What can I do to make these complex relations work better?
Ans: What you could have done when you got married was move into your own home. Instead, when you got the chance to move to a new residence, you opted to live with your parents yet again! This ridiculous patriarchal mentality of a woman having to adjust to her husband’s whole family is the cause of most marital strife! You want things to improve, put some distance between them and move out! Ever heard that absence makes the heart grow fonder?

..Read more

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Anu Krishna  |1406 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2024

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Dear Anu, My son is 17years and has a affinity towards his mother it seems. Whenever i ask any questions about his studies and plans he shouts at me and misbehaves. I have stopped talking to him because of this. I don't know whether he likes me or not. He seems very content with his computer and his friends.. How can i build a relation with him. Also same with my wife. She does not talk to my parents neither to nay of my relatives. I tried on many occasions to make her realize that this is not okay. My Father is 82 and is longing to talk to her and stay with us...I do not know what is the issue with her. I do not abject to anything she does. How can i convince her...
Ans: Dear Trilok,
Why are you so intent on making people be with you or like you? If they don't see value in you, it's their misfortune maybe. This is one line of thought.
Another line of thought could be: Are there other ways of actually connecting with them? You son perhaps may bond better with you over a sport that the two of you can play BUT may connect with his mother over a conversation. Do not expect the same kind of connection...he's your son...rather than complain about what's not happening, how about trying a different approach and make things happen. See what interests him and bond with him on that!
Now with what your wife does...you really must find out what makes her not want to talk to your father. Maybe instead, you can invite your father to stay and encourage a conversation between him and your wife. And please don't form an opinion that just because your wife refuses to talk to your father, your son refuses to talk to you. It's two very different situations...

Stopping to talk to your son or wonder what's wrong with your wife only means that you have managed to externalize the issue and you will soon find reasons to blame them for a failing relationship. Instead assume charge and do what it takes to bond with your family...it works!

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1406 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 12, 2024Hindi
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HI mam, i am 55 year old married staying with wife & two daughters & i am earning a good salary, no loans nothing & we can live happily. My wife bit under educated ( 12 std) & she has some health issues also (arthritis from past one year) & getting treatment. We are living separately from my parents from the past 17 years. My wife does not like my mother ( 80 years with old age health issues) coming to my home since my wife commanded by my mother when we were staying with my parents 17 years back. Still she has that old days struggle in her mind & there is a clash between me & my wife whenever my mother comes to my home. So many times I told her to forget all old bad days memories live today's happy life which she never wants to forget. My father passed away 04 years back & my mother comes to my home whenever there is a function or due to health issue stays for hardly about 15-20 days in a year. How to resolve this issue & get back happiness in my family.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I wish it were easy to forget...and it's a matter of choice whether we want to keep the past behind us or bring it again and again in out present moment. If your wife does not choose to keep the past behind, it is going to be a huge nightmare for you and especially you constantly having to mediate between your mother and wife.
Yes, since your mother stays only for a few days with you in a year, it is fair of you to expect your wife to 'adjust'...But she is unwilling, so what do you do?
If you can afford to keep your mother in a separate room and have someone care for her just for those 20 days, it will keep your wife away and having to do anything with your mother. So, your mother's needs are taken care of AND your wife has nothing to do with her.
You cannot force anyone to like someone else and that's what is happening at your home. Your wife has her reasons and your mother would have had hers when she was playing the active role of a mother-in-law. Let bygones be bygones. You want your mother to be treated well for that short time in your home; then give her just that...But without expecting that your wife is going to agree to anything. Instead, do what you need to for your ageing mother but keep your wife off the responsibility...That should keep both sides satisfied...
Life is filled with curve balls; you just learn to navigate then better every time...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7322 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 23, 2024

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Hi Mr. Ramalingam, Can I check New Asset class (Specialized Investment Fund SIF) for 10 lakhs investment for my kids education(Right now 4months old). Thank you for your response.
Ans: Investing Rs 10 lakhs for your child’s education is a thoughtful decision.

Your child is 4 months old, so you have a long investment horizon.

Currently, SIF is not yet launched or operational.

Equity Mutual Funds: A Reliable Option
Equity mutual funds are proven for long-term goals like education.

They offer inflation-beating growth over a 15-18 year period.

Start investing now to benefit from compounding.

Choose funds with a consistent track record.

Wait and Observe SIF Performance
SIF is a new asset class and lacks a performance track record.

It’s wise to wait for its launch and review its stability.

Assess the fund's returns, risk profile, and management quality.

Investing in an untested asset could increase risks unnecessarily.

Diversify Investments Over Time
Initially, focus on equity mutual funds for growth.

Later, as SIF stabilises and performs well, consider it.

Diversify across asset classes gradually based on market insights.

Final Insights
Begin with equity mutual funds for your child’s education fund.

Monitor SIF's launch and performance over the next few years.

Decide on SIF only after it demonstrates a solid track record.

Keep your investments aligned with your long-term goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |790 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 23, 2024

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I& my wife is 32. What would our ideally retirement corps. I assume 20Cr. Correct me if I'm wrong. My current saving & income are below - 1) Rs 2,40,000 take home per month combined. 2) We both have PPF for the last 7 years contributing 1.5L each year from starting and plans to continue till 60. 3) LIC will give us 2Cr when we hit 60. 4) NPS we contribute 1L per each year form 2022 combined plans continue till 60. 5) Mutual Fund of SIP Rs 10,000 each month for last 1 year combined plans continue till 60. 6) APY we will get 5000 per month at 60. 7) FDs of Rs 36Lakh 8) Gold of Rs 15Lakh bonds 9) Got Inherited Rs 1.6Cr in form of FDs 10) Have Medeclaim of 40Lakhs and have own house. 11) Monthly expenses is around 40,000. 12) Have 1 year old Kid. 13) Have PF of 8 lakhs and will grow till 60. Also taking Gratuity in account.
Ans: Hello;

Your current monthly income need of 2.4 L will grow up to 12.27 L after 28 years (At your retirement age of 60) considering 6% inflation.

Assuming your expenses at retirement will reduce so you may need 75% of this income to cover your expenses at that time therefore you may need a monthly income of 9.2 L.

To generate this income you may need a corpus of 27 Cr(Min.) at the age 60 that may generate post-tax monthly income of around 9.2 L.

Your investments will grow as follows,

1. PPF: 1.5 L per person per year for 35 years will grow into a corpus of around 4.32 Cr. (6.9% return assumed)

2. LIC: policy maturity proceeds will provide 2 Cr at age 60.

3. NPS: 1 L per person per year may grow into a sum of 2.5 Cr at 60.(8% return considered)

4. MF sip of 10 K may grow into a sum of 2.05 Cr at 60. (10% return considered)

5. FD of 36 L will grow into a sum of 2.1 Cr if held till 60. (6.5% return assumed)

6. Gold in form of bonds if reinvested into gold mutual funds and held till 60 may yield a corpus of around 1.1 Cr. (7% return assumed)

7. Inherited funds if held in FD till the age of 60 may yield a corpus of 9.9 Cr.
(6.5% return considered)

8. EPF is expected to grow into a sum of around 1.8 Cr at the age of 60.(7% return considered)

A summation of investment values at 60 indicates a sum of around 25.77 Cr thereby hinting at a gap of around 1.23 Cr.

You may begin another monthly sip of 7 K now which may grow into a sum of around 1.3 Cr by 60 age.(10% return assumed)

If the mediclaim policy is from employer, do buy a personal health care cover after 50-55 for your family for post retirement needs.

I presume you both have adequate term life insurance cover apart from LIC policy.

The financial goal for your kid's education and family expansion, if any, is not factored here. You may need to plan for it suitably.

Also it appears that your allocation to equity is quite low, may be due to limited risk appetite but you have time on your side and although short to medium term(5-7 yr) equity asset class may be impacted due to volatility but over a long-term(10 yr+) they have demonstrated good inflation adjusted returns so may be you may consider to increase allocation through hybrid funds suiting your risk appetite.

Happy Investing;
X: @mars_invest

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7322 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 23, 2024

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Meri family ki income 80 lakhs hai yearly aur 40 lakhs expense hai aur age meri 48 hai capital family ki 4 cr hai to unko kaise manage aur kaha invest kare
Ans: Current Financial Snapshot
Annual Income: Rs 80 lakhs
Annual Expenses: Rs 40 lakhs
Capital Available: Rs 4 crores
Age: 48 years
Your income and existing capital provide a strong foundation. With proper planning, you can secure your financial future and achieve your goals.

Key Financial Goals
Retirement Planning: Build a corpus to sustain your post-retirement lifestyle.
Wealth Growth: Invest capital for inflation-beating returns.
Risk Management: Ensure adequate insurance coverage for family security.
Tax Efficiency: Optimise investments to reduce tax liabilities.
Suggested Investment Allocation
1. Emergency Fund
Maintain 6-12 months of expenses (Rs 20-40 lakhs) in liquid funds or a high-interest savings account.
This ensures liquidity for any unforeseen circumstances.
2. Equity Mutual Funds
Allocate 50-60% of your capital (around Rs 2-2.4 crores) to equity mutual funds.
Use diversified funds like large-cap, flexi-cap, and mid-cap funds for growth.
Avoid index funds due to lack of flexibility and active management.
Invest monthly through systematic investment plans (SIPs) for disciplined investing.
3. Debt Investments
Invest 20-25% of your capital (Rs 80 lakhs-1 crore) in debt mutual funds or fixed-income instruments.
Choose funds with low risk to ensure stability and predictable returns.
These funds act as a safety net during market downturns.
4. Children’s Education or Marriage
Allocate funds for long-term goals like education or marriage.
Invest in balanced advantage funds or equity mutual funds for higher returns.
5. Retirement Planning
At 48, focus on building a retirement corpus.
Allocate 20% of your capital (Rs 80 lakhs) to retirement-specific investments.
Use a mix of equity and debt for growth and safety.
Risk Management
Life Insurance
Ensure you have a term insurance cover of at least Rs 2-3 crore.
This protects your family’s financial future in your absence.
Health Insurance
Take a family floater health insurance plan of Rs 25-30 lakh.
Include critical illness coverage to address rising healthcare costs.
Tax Efficiency
Maximise Section 80C benefits by investing in ELSS mutual funds or PPF.
Use NPS for additional tax deductions under Section 80CCD.
Invest in tax-efficient instruments to reduce liabilities.
Regular Monitoring
Review your investments every six months with a Certified Financial Planner.
Rebalance your portfolio to align with market trends and life changes.
Final Insights
You have a strong financial base with high income and significant capital.

With disciplined investing, risk management, and tax efficiency, you can grow your wealth and achieve your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7322 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 22, 2024Hindi
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Money
Namaskar Sir, I am 30 years old and want to start SIP @10,000/-pm in Mid cap mutual fund for next 30 years for a target of Rs 20 Cr (18-20%/year). You are requested to guide me about risks may come in future in MF industry and risk regarding sustainability of the fund house for next 30 years.
Ans: Investing Rs. 10,000 monthly in a mid-cap mutual fund is a commendable strategy. It shows your commitment to achieving a robust corpus of Rs. 20 crore in 30 years. However, there are risks and considerations to address.

1. Potential Risks in the Mutual Fund Industry
Market Volatility
Mid-cap funds are more volatile than large-cap funds.

Short-term fluctuations can impact returns during market corrections.

Economic Slowdowns
Economic instability can adversely affect mid-cap stocks.

Such slowdowns could lower the growth trajectory of the fund.

Regulatory Changes
SEBI and government regulations may impact mutual fund operations.

For example, changes in taxation or investment limits can affect returns.

Inflation Risk
Inflation can erode purchasing power and real returns over 30 years.

This risk must be factored into your long-term goal.

2. Risks of Fund House Sustainability
Fund House Stability
A fund house with a poor track record may not survive for 30 years.

Choose an established and reputed fund house with strong governance.

Fund Manager Risk
Performance depends on fund manager decisions.

Manager changes may impact the strategy and consistency of the fund.

Operational Risks
Fund houses may face risks like technology failures or poor compliance.

Verify the operational strength and risk management policies of the fund house.

3. Realistic Return Expectations
Expecting 18-20% annualised returns over 30 years is optimistic.

Historical data shows mid-cap funds average around 12-15% returns.

Relying on higher returns can lead to unrealistic expectations.

4. Diversification for Stability
Do not rely solely on mid-cap funds for your goal.

Diversify with large-cap or flexi-cap funds to reduce volatility.

Balanced funds can provide a mix of growth and stability.

5. Importance of Periodic Review
Monitor your SIP performance regularly, at least once a year.

Assess fund performance against benchmarks and peers.

Make necessary adjustments to align with your goals.

6. Role of Active Fund Management
Actively managed funds can outperform benchmarks during volatile markets.

Fund managers actively track market changes and rebalance portfolios.

This approach offers an edge over passively managed index funds.

7. Tax Implications on Returns
Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Understanding tax implications helps plan withdrawals effectively.

8. 360-Degree Financial Planning
Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses.

This ensures financial stability during unforeseen situations.

Adequate Insurance
Secure yourself with adequate life and health insurance.

Avoid using ULIPs or investment-linked insurance for this purpose.

Retirement Planning
Parallelly invest in retirement-specific instruments for long-term security.

Diversify your portfolio to include stable growth options.

Education and Marriage
Plan separate investments for future education and marriage expenses.

Diversify investments to balance risk across different life goals.

Finally
Mid-cap funds are a promising option for wealth creation, but they come with risks. Diversify, review periodically, and adjust your strategy as needed. Consult a Certified Financial Planner to build a robust, long-term investment plan tailored to your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7322 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 23, 2024

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I am Pushpinder Singh I will be 24 years in January 2024 and I have almost 12.5 lacs in financial markets 6.71 lac and 5.8 lac in mutual funds I have sip of 22000 per months divided in multiple mutual funds from mostly nippon mid cap fund and some other funds divided in small caps us equities large cap and government bonds and psu debt fund and I will be increasing my Sip to 25000 or 27000 including nps and my father and parents are giving me money for SIPs and mutual fund currently I am in Canada looking for job and planning to come back to India in march 2025 because my permit will expire then. Could you tell me what to do I am really confused and frustrated could you help me please thank you
Ans: At 24, managing Rs 12.5 lakh in investments is impressive.

Your SIP of Rs 22,000 reflects disciplined investing.

Planning to increase your SIP shows future financial awareness.

You’ve diversified across equity, debt, and international funds.

Relying on family for investments now provides flexibility.

However, it’s vital to plan for financial independence.

Clarity on Long-Term Goals
Define your financial goals clearly for better direction.

Examples include building wealth, home purchase, or retirement corpus.

Returning to India in 2025 changes your financial planning needs.

Review Current Investment Strategy
1. Mutual Funds Portfolio
Your focus on mid-cap and small-cap funds is growth-oriented.

These funds are volatile but perform well long-term.

Balance them with large-cap funds for stability.

PSU debt funds are safe but offer limited growth.

International equity exposure adds diversification but check fund performance.

2. SIP Increment
Increasing your SIP to Rs 25,000-27,000 is wise.

Focus on equity funds for inflation-beating returns.

Monitor underperforming funds and replace them if needed.

NPS Contribution and Benefits
Including NPS in your portfolio provides retirement-specific savings.

NPS allows tax benefits under Section 80CCD.

Opt for higher equity exposure in NPS for better returns.

As you near retirement, rebalance towards safer investments.

Financial Independence in Canada
Job search in Canada should focus on income stability.

Allocate part-time earnings to emergency funds or SIPs.

Build a liquid emergency fund covering at least six months’ expenses.

This fund can support you during job transitions in Canada or India.

Financial Adjustments Upon Returning to India
1. Reassess Your Expenses
Post-2025, review living expenses in India.

Adjust investments based on changes in cost of living.

2. Optimise Tax Efficiency
NRI status changes tax rules for your investments.

Understand mutual fund taxation when switching residency.

Keep debt funds minimal as they have higher tax rates.

3. Health Insurance and Risk Management
Ensure adequate health insurance coverage upon return.

Consider personal health policies in addition to family coverage.

Addressing Emotional Stress
Feeling frustrated at 24 is natural during transitions.

Focus on achievable milestones rather than everything at once.

Talk to family about shared expectations for clarity.

Final Insights
Your disciplined start provides a strong financial foundation.

Balance high-growth funds with stability-oriented investments.

Build financial independence while relying on family support initially.

Maintain focus on long-term goals even during temporary setbacks.

Regularly monitor and realign investments to match your evolving life stages.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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