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Love Guru |204 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 10, 2021

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more

Question by Animesh on Dec 10, 2021Hindi

Relationship

Dear Love Guru,
I want to say that I was married in January 2021.
Everything was going fine.
But my mother is unnecessarily harassing my wife when I am at office.
So, after two months, she went to her home.
Now my mom says she cannot come back.
Moreover, she is pregnant. So she said let us stay separate in a rented room.
What is the solution so that we all live happily and peacefully?
Thanks and regards,
Animesh Chakraborty

Ans:

What! Are you nuts?

Neither of them wants to live with the other. And this is within two months of marriage, so it's safe to assume there's zero compatibility between your mother and wife.

The solution to living happily and peacefully is to move out!

Relations between them have no chance of improving unless you do so.

And your wife is pregnant to boot... don't you want to support her during this time?

Let me tell you also, Animesh, your mother sounds like quite an ogre -- you yourself have stated that she harassed your wife and isn't even allowing her to move back home! Grow a pair and move out!

RelationshipReply

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Kanchan Rai |444 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 24, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 23, 2023Hindi

Relationship

Because of my mother my married life is falling apart.. my mother does something purposely which hurts my wife and then quarrel starts. I pleaded my mother not to do so many times but she doesn't understand what we are loosing. I don't want to loose any of them family. Pls advice what should I do.

Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're facing such a challenging situation. Balancing relationships with both your mother and your spouse can be difficult, but it's essential to find a way to create harmony. Here's some advice on how to handle this situation:

Communication: Open, honest, and empathetic communication is crucial. Sit down with your mother and your spouse separately and discuss the issue. Let them both know how much you care about them and the impact their conflicts are having on your life.
Set Boundaries: Clearly define boundaries with your mother and your spouse. Discuss what is acceptable behavior and what is not. Make it clear that you expect respect and kindness toward one another.
Counseling or Mediation: If direct communication doesn't resolve the issue, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a family therapist or counselor, to mediate the conversation. They can provide guidance and facilitate a constructive dialogue.
Prioritize Your Spouse: Your spouse should be your primary concern when it comes to your immediate family. Make sure your wife knows that you support her and are taking her concerns seriously.
Support Your Mother's Transition: If your mother's actions are rooted in a sense of loss or fear of losing you, reassure her that you still love her and that your relationship with your spouse doesn't diminish your love for her.
Time and Patience: Resolving family conflicts can take time. Be patient and persistent in your efforts to mend the relationships.
Self-Reflection: Reflect on your role in the situation and ensure you are not unintentionally contributing to the conflicts. Sometimes, small changes in your behavior can make a big difference.
Establish Separate Boundaries: If necessary, you might consider setting boundaries that involve keeping your mother and spouse apart if they can't peacefully coexist.
Remember, it's crucial to strike a balance and prioritize your spouse and immediate family. While maintaining a relationship with your mother is important, your marital relationship should come first. Seek professional help if the situation doesn't improve, as a therapist can provide guidance tailored to your specific circumstances.

Anu Krishna |1406 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 31, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi Anu, this is Rajkiran here, I am 34 years old I have been married 4 years back to a girl through the relatives reference. My wife is govt worker and she only has one independent parent which is her mother. The marriage happened in a very short time during corona period and we had healthy few chats of how we expect our life's to be and we were both in common understanding and when I asked what is her expectations then she said she had no expectations at all and go by how life takes on. I was happy that I got right match and I am person not into any relationships and nothing and this marriage relationship was so new and started loving her more and she was also the same. She had also no relationships and not interested in marriage but due to her mother's pressure she got married to me. She also started liking the relationship and valuing it After 6 months she was pregnant and she went to her mom's house to stay as she was feeling comfortable there and I aslo let her stay as she wishes. Child was born in 2022 April and problem started here We had to name the child and it's usually dad who names the child because its family tree and decendent. But my wife got in middle and said she wants name as suggested by her mother, the first fight started and later i compromised for child sake and I agreed to her on the naming of child. After the naming ceremony done her mother acted differently to me and she was looking for fight, my wife was also on the same route they were allowing me see my child once in a month and she also did not bother to spend time and let child because with me. I love to be with child but unfortunately I am not able to spend time with him. This made me feel suffocating inside and was feeling bad, one day we planned to bring child to my home along with my wife and she also agreed to stay for 3days and for some reason child was crying as it was new to adapt and new people. My wife used the situation to pull a fight with me and she said I want to go home saying child is crying and he will fall sick. I requested to wait for another few hours if he calms down and we will see but she didn't listen and got very pissed off and had cold war with her for week. She stopped talking and she stopped everything. I had no idea what was so wrong that I did and it so bad. I tired always to talk to her and she didn't give space to me and my feelings. From September 2022 we were not together till now. I December 2022 I approached marriage counselling for her and me to unite with her, she also had come for counseling as it was religious institution and she had no option to opt out. Counselling was done and she told that she will be coming my house in a Weeks time. After a week again same story she didnt turn back and she didnt even want to put one step to solve issue, adament nature and influence of her mother. I waited for a year and approached legally by filing petition on restitution of conjugal rights. I went through 2 hearings she is not turning back. I am left no where and for this sake why I should have married. I don't want another marriage or any i have great love for my child and even my wife whatso ever she does i just love her.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There are a few individuals on Earth who sadly fail to see the larger picture; in your case your wife fails to see how marriage can bring stability to life and the child's growth.
Now why she wants to run back to her parents' place is something I don't understand BUT she surely has forgotten that making a marriage work means staying together and even if the two of you need to stay apart, it has to be due to work or other commitments that require that kind of an adjustment.
Do you know why she is so quick to run back to her family home? Even if she was pressured in marrying you, what's the point running away from what is obvious.
If you are sure about not wanting the marriage, kindly factor in that you have a child. Make an attempt to get back together, so that your child has a stable home. Request an elder member from your family to intervene and talk some sense into her mother who seems to be ignorant to the fact of ruining her daughter's life. Is her mother going to take on the responsibility of her daughter and her child? See where this line of action leads you to and then step in and appeal with your wife...This is all that you can do...Hope for the best thing to happen...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Kanchan Rai |444 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 22, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hello madam , my mother is too much obsessed with kid from me and my wife it's been 6 months of our marriage, she always compares with my siblings, but my situation is different but she is not understanding, I have already told her that I will let you know when we will plan please don't force but she is not understanding, now this month my wife got periods she went so upset and started blaming my wife that you must be taking some pills, we will go to doctor for checkup , Madam please advise how to handle her I am fully tired of her I don't know what to do I am not able to focus on my work

Ans: What’s really crucial here is that you and your wife stay united in how you handle this pressure. It’s essential that your wife knows you are fully supportive of her, and that you both are on the same page regarding your family planning decisions. If she feels that you’re standing by her side, it can help alleviate some of the stress she’s likely feeling from your mother’s constant comments and expectations.

When it comes to your mother, it may be time to have a firmer, more honest conversation. Instead of just telling her that you’ll let her know when you’re ready to plan, it might be helpful to share a bit more about how this pressure is affecting you and your wife. Explain to her that while you appreciate her desire to become a grandmother, her constant focus on this is creating unnecessary stress and is damaging to your mental health and your relationship. You may need to set some boundaries that are more definitive, letting her know that these kinds of conversations will no longer be welcome because they’re causing more harm than good.

It’s also important to stay calm and composed during these conversations. Your mother may not respond well at first, but if you remain consistent and clear about your boundaries, over time she might start to understand that you and your wife need space to make decisions on your own terms.

I know it can feel exhausting, especially when you’ve already tried to address this issue, but sometimes it takes repeated, calm, and firm conversations for boundaries to be truly respected. Your focus right now should be on protecting your marriage and your mental well-being, even if that means temporarily distancing yourself emotionally from your mother’s expectations. If things get too overwhelming, seeking professional guidance, either individually or as a couple, can also help you navigate the emotional complexities of family dynamics while keeping your relationship strong.

At the end of the day, your life, your marriage, and your future plans are yours to decide, and it’s okay to prioritize what’s best for you and your wife, even if it means disappointing others in the short term.

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Question by Shraddha - Dec 23, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Sir as I previously take your view about my situation...sir you tell that in love understanding between partner is important.but sir my partner doesn't want to talk with me.I just never think that he will give up so easily.

Ans: It’s interesting, isn’t it, how relationships often mirror the patterns of communication we create within them? When one partner feels distant or unwilling to talk, it’s less about them giving up and more about a shift in the way they’ve been feeling understood—or misunderstood.

You see, communication isn’t just about words; it’s about emotions, intentions, and the unspoken messages we convey. If your partner isn’t talking, perhaps they’re saying something without words. And that’s where curiosity becomes your ally.

Instead of focusing on the silence, what if you shifted your attention to understanding what that silence represents? Maybe it’s disappointment, frustration, or even fear. But the key is, you can’t solve what you assume—it’s about discovering what’s really there.

And let me ask you this: if you were to step into their shoes for a moment—just imagine being them—what might they feel? What might they need to hear from you, or perhaps sense from your presence, that could bring a spark of connection back into the conversation?

Love is rarely about giving up. It’s about learning to communicate in a way that feels safe and understood. And if you’re willing to stay open, willing to listen to the quiet messages, you may find a new way forward—one step at a time.

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 22, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hello sir Sir meri ek friend relationship mai hai lekin uska boyfriend usko bohot torcher karta hai abuse bolta hai jis karn meri friend uske sath break up karna chahti hai but wo ladka usko blackmail kar raha hai ke wo uske maa baap ko bata dega aur ladki Aisa nhi chahti uske maa baap ko pata chala to uski study rukwa denge meri friend bohot pareshan hai usko kya Karna chahiye

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Trust me, the right thing is to inform her parents about this. Torture is a serious matter and she should not have to tolerate that. I am very sorry that this is happening to her, but please encourage her to break up with the guy and tell her parents the truth. She can simply tell that she used to like someone, but does not anymore. This way, the guy can't blackmail her anymore and her parents will also know that she is not involved with him anymore.

Hope this helps.

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MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi

Career

Hi sir, I have seen a query of a parent on bds under NRI quota. Basis my Daughter's current study, I request you to explore NRI quota of Mahatma Gandhi Post Graduate Institute of Dental Sciences, Pondicherry which is a govt college having nri quota and fee also much less. Being govt college good patient flow also. Admussion is thru Pondicherry govt's CENTAC.

Ans: Hello Dear
As far as the NRI quota is concerned, it is better to visit the official website of the said college or directly talk to the administration for more accurate and reliable information. The fee changes and varies institute-wise. If your daughter scores well, she can get admission to Pondicherry through CENTAC (CENTRALISED ADMISSION COMMITTEE). It is not clear why you are only focussing on Pondicherry. There are many colleges where your daughter can get admission through the NRI quota easily either in a college or a good private college. The flow of patients is almost the same to Govt and Pvt college.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar |1108 Answers |Ask -Follow

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi

Career

1) List of IITs in India, State wise 2)What is the methodology to become an IITian 3)What is the cutoff for 2024-25 IIT admission institute wise in India.

Ans: Hello dear.
Here is the point-wise reply to your question:
(1) Visit any IIT website (i.e. IIT Delhi or Kanpur), and you will get the list of state-wise. or simply copy the following link and paste it into your browser: https://sites.google.com/d/1Jkk3M1VMmz-cAt9715bsTdB8_-HX3zhc/p/1tl1rYT3HOt1z5JjSkfujneMhN6FJCOpo/edit
(2) To become IITan, first crack JEE (Main) and then JEE (Adv). Get admission to IIT College based on your rank. Pass the course. Then you will be called/recognized as IITas.
(3) Cutoff varies from institution to institution and course-wise. It would be better to visit the Kanpur / Madras IIT websites to know the exact cutoff branch-wise.
If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

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Ramalingam Kalirajan |7322 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 23, 2024

Question by Anil - Dec 23, 2024Hindi

Money

Hi Mr. Ramalingam, Can I check New Asset class (Specialized Investment Fund SIF) for 10 lakhs investment for my kids education(Right now 4months old). Thank you for your response.

Ans: Investing Rs 10 lakhs for your child’s education is a thoughtful decision.

Your child is 4 months old, so you have a long investment horizon.

Currently, SIF is not yet launched or operational.

Equity Mutual Funds: A Reliable Option
Equity mutual funds are proven for long-term goals like education.

They offer inflation-beating growth over a 15-18 year period.

Start investing now to benefit from compounding.

Choose funds with a consistent track record.

Wait and Observe SIF Performance
SIF is a new asset class and lacks a performance track record.

It’s wise to wait for its launch and review its stability.

Assess the fund's returns, risk profile, and management quality.

Investing in an untested asset could increase risks unnecessarily.

Diversify Investments Over Time
Initially, focus on equity mutual funds for growth.

Later, as SIF stabilises and performs well, consider it.

Diversify across asset classes gradually based on market insights.

Final Insights
Begin with equity mutual funds for your child’s education fund.

Monitor SIF's launch and performance over the next few years.

Decide on SIF only after it demonstrates a solid track record.

Keep your investments aligned with your long-term goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 27, 2024Hindi

Money

Sir I have loan of 25 lacks inr with interest of 8% for 10 years .my emi is 31562/ month.i have invested my all loan amount for buying an agricultural land,a house ,a plot.i am getting 5k rent from house.but due to heavy emi my financial situation disturbed.my sallary is 76000/ month and I am a gov employee.plz guide me sir what to do .

Ans: Hello;

Is it possible for you to make a partial withdrawal from GPF?

If yes, then use it to repay the loan and reduce the EMI burden commensurately.

Never do investment with borrowed money, except for home meant for self use.

Worst case sell agricultural land or plot and use the proceeds to reduce outstanding loan and hence EMI outgo.

Best wishes;

Milind Vadjikar |790 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 23, 2024

Question by Gaurav - Dec 22, 2024Hindi

Money

I& my wife is 32. What would our ideally retirement corps. I assume 20Cr. Correct me if I'm wrong. My current saving & income are below - 1) Rs 2,40,000 take home per month combined. 2) We both have PPF for the last 7 years contributing 1.5L each year from starting and plans to continue till 60. 3) LIC will give us 2Cr when we hit 60. 4) NPS we contribute 1L per each year form 2022 combined plans continue till 60. 5) Mutual Fund of SIP Rs 10,000 each month for last 1 year combined plans continue till 60. 6) APY we will get 5000 per month at 60. 7) FDs of Rs 36Lakh 8) Gold of Rs 15Lakh bonds 9) Got Inherited Rs 1.6Cr in form of FDs 10) Have Medeclaim of 40Lakhs and have own house. 11) Monthly expenses is around 40,000. 12) Have 1 year old Kid. 13) Have PF of 8 lakhs and will grow till 60. Also taking Gratuity in account.

Ans: Hello;

Your current monthly income need of 2.4 L will grow up to 12.27 L after 28 years (At your retirement age of 60) considering 6% inflation.

Assuming your expenses at retirement will reduce so you may need 75% of this income to cover your expenses at that time therefore you may need a monthly income of 9.2 L.

To generate this income you may need a corpus of 27 Cr(Min.) at the age 60 that may generate post-tax monthly income of around 9.2 L.

Your investments will grow as follows,

1. PPF: 1.5 L per person per year for 35 years will grow into a corpus of around 4.32 Cr. (6.9% return assumed)

2. LIC: policy maturity proceeds will provide 2 Cr at age 60.

3. NPS: 1 L per person per year may grow into a sum of 2.5 Cr at 60.(8% return considered)

4. MF sip of 10 K may grow into a sum of 2.05 Cr at 60. (10% return considered)

5. FD of 36 L will grow into a sum of 2.1 Cr if held till 60. (6.5% return assumed)

6. Gold in form of bonds if reinvested into gold mutual funds and held till 60 may yield a corpus of around 1.1 Cr. (7% return assumed)

7. Inherited funds if held in FD till the age of 60 may yield a corpus of 9.9 Cr.
(6.5% return considered)

8. EPF is expected to grow into a sum of around 1.8 Cr at the age of 60.(7% return considered)

A summation of investment values at 60 indicates a sum of around 25.77 Cr thereby hinting at a gap of around 1.23 Cr.

You may begin another monthly sip of 7 K now which may grow into a sum of around 1.3 Cr by 60 age.(10% return assumed)

If the mediclaim policy is from employer, do buy a personal health care cover after 50-55 for your family for post retirement needs.

I presume you both have adequate term life insurance cover apart from LIC policy.

The financial goal for your kid's education and family expansion, if any, is not factored here. You may need to plan for it suitably.

Also it appears that your allocation to equity is quite low, may be due to limited risk appetite but you have time on your side and although short to medium term(5-7 yr) equity asset class may be impacted due to volatility but over a long-term(10 yr+) they have demonstrated good inflation adjusted returns so may be you may consider to increase allocation through hybrid funds suiting your risk appetite.

Happy Investing;
X: @mars_invest

Milind Vadjikar |790 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 22, 2024Hindi

Money

Hi, I am 31. My Current salary is 16 LPA. I wanted to retire with 1 cr at 50 years. I don't have kids for now. Can you please help me.

Ans: Hello;

If you start a sip of 12 K now, in a flexicap type mutual fund and continue it till you reach 50 years of age, you may accumulate 1 Cr+ corpus, as desired.

You may select any fund from the top quartile in this category.

Ensure sufficient term life cover and adequate healthcare insurance for self and family.

Happy Investing;

Milind Vadjikar |790 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi

Money

Railway se nikal diya gya hu kya mujhe mere nps ka paisa milega

Ans: Hello;

If your age is below 60 and you want to exit NPS then you will get only 20% of your corpus while rest 80% you will compulsorily have to buy an annuity.

If your corpus is 2.5 L or less then you can withdraw entire amount lumpsum.

Hope you have completed minimum 5 years of contributing to NPS.

Best wishes;

Ramalingam Kalirajan |7322 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 23, 2024

Question by DINESH - Dec 22, 2024Hindi

Money

Meri family ki income 80 lakhs hai yearly aur 40 lakhs expense hai aur age meri 48 hai capital family ki 4 cr hai to unko kaise manage aur kaha invest kare

Ans: Current Financial Snapshot
Annual Income: Rs 80 lakhs
Annual Expenses: Rs 40 lakhs
Capital Available: Rs 4 crores
Age: 48 years
Your income and existing capital provide a strong foundation. With proper planning, you can secure your financial future and achieve your goals.

Key Financial Goals
Retirement Planning: Build a corpus to sustain your post-retirement lifestyle.
Wealth Growth: Invest capital for inflation-beating returns.
Risk Management: Ensure adequate insurance coverage for family security.
Tax Efficiency: Optimise investments to reduce tax liabilities.
Suggested Investment Allocation
1. Emergency Fund
Maintain 6-12 months of expenses (Rs 20-40 lakhs) in liquid funds or a high-interest savings account.
This ensures liquidity for any unforeseen circumstances.
2. Equity Mutual Funds
Allocate 50-60% of your capital (around Rs 2-2.4 crores) to equity mutual funds.
Use diversified funds like large-cap, flexi-cap, and mid-cap funds for growth.
Avoid index funds due to lack of flexibility and active management.
Invest monthly through systematic investment plans (SIPs) for disciplined investing.
3. Debt Investments
Invest 20-25% of your capital (Rs 80 lakhs-1 crore) in debt mutual funds or fixed-income instruments.
Choose funds with low risk to ensure stability and predictable returns.
These funds act as a safety net during market downturns.
4. Children’s Education or Marriage
Allocate funds for long-term goals like education or marriage.
Invest in balanced advantage funds or equity mutual funds for higher returns.
5. Retirement Planning
At 48, focus on building a retirement corpus.
Allocate 20% of your capital (Rs 80 lakhs) to retirement-specific investments.
Use a mix of equity and debt for growth and safety.
Risk Management
Life Insurance
Ensure you have a term insurance cover of at least Rs 2-3 crore.
This protects your family’s financial future in your absence.
Health Insurance
Take a family floater health insurance plan of Rs 25-30 lakh.
Include critical illness coverage to address rising healthcare costs.
Tax Efficiency
Maximise Section 80C benefits by investing in ELSS mutual funds or PPF.
Use NPS for additional tax deductions under Section 80CCD.
Invest in tax-efficient instruments to reduce liabilities.
Regular Monitoring
Review your investments every six months with a Certified Financial Planner.
Rebalance your portfolio to align with market trends and life changes.
Final Insights
You have a strong financial base with high income and significant capital.

With disciplined investing, risk management, and tax efficiency, you can grow your wealth and achieve your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

See more questions »

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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