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Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 10, 2021

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Animesh Question by Animesh on Dec 10, 2021Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Love Guru,
I want to say that I was married in January 2021.
Everything was going fine.
But my mother is unnecessarily harassing my wife when I am at office.
So, after two months, she went to her home.
Now my mom says she cannot come back.
Moreover, she is pregnant. So she said let us stay separate in a rented room.
What is the solution so that we all live happily and peacefully?
Thanks and regards,
Animesh Chakraborty

Ans:

What! Are you nuts?

Neither of them wants to live with the other. And this is within two months of marriage, so it's safe to assume there's zero compatibility between your mother and wife.

The solution to living happily and peacefully is to move out!

Relations between them have no chance of improving unless you do so.

And your wife is pregnant to boot... don't you want to support her during this time?

Let me tell you also, Animesh, your mother sounds like quite an ogre -- you yourself have stated that she harassed your wife and isn't even allowing her to move back home! Grow a pair and move out!

 

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 24, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 23, 2023Hindi
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Because of my mother my married life is falling apart.. my mother does something purposely which hurts my wife and then quarrel starts. I pleaded my mother not to do so many times but she doesn't understand what we are loosing. I don't want to loose any of them family. Pls advice what should I do.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're facing such a challenging situation. Balancing relationships with both your mother and your spouse can be difficult, but it's essential to find a way to create harmony. Here's some advice on how to handle this situation:

Communication: Open, honest, and empathetic communication is crucial. Sit down with your mother and your spouse separately and discuss the issue. Let them both know how much you care about them and the impact their conflicts are having on your life.
Set Boundaries: Clearly define boundaries with your mother and your spouse. Discuss what is acceptable behavior and what is not. Make it clear that you expect respect and kindness toward one another.
Counseling or Mediation: If direct communication doesn't resolve the issue, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a family therapist or counselor, to mediate the conversation. They can provide guidance and facilitate a constructive dialogue.
Prioritize Your Spouse: Your spouse should be your primary concern when it comes to your immediate family. Make sure your wife knows that you support her and are taking her concerns seriously.
Support Your Mother's Transition: If your mother's actions are rooted in a sense of loss or fear of losing you, reassure her that you still love her and that your relationship with your spouse doesn't diminish your love for her.
Time and Patience: Resolving family conflicts can take time. Be patient and persistent in your efforts to mend the relationships.
Self-Reflection: Reflect on your role in the situation and ensure you are not unintentionally contributing to the conflicts. Sometimes, small changes in your behavior can make a big difference.
Establish Separate Boundaries: If necessary, you might consider setting boundaries that involve keeping your mother and spouse apart if they can't peacefully coexist.
Remember, it's crucial to strike a balance and prioritize your spouse and immediate family. While maintaining a relationship with your mother is important, your marital relationship should come first. Seek professional help if the situation doesn't improve, as a therapist can provide guidance tailored to your specific circumstances.

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Anu

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 31, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi Anu, this is Rajkiran here, I am 34 years old I have been married 4 years back to a girl through the relatives reference. My wife is govt worker and she only has one independent parent which is her mother. The marriage happened in a very short time during corona period and we had healthy few chats of how we expect our life's to be and we were both in common understanding and when I asked what is her expectations then she said she had no expectations at all and go by how life takes on. I was happy that I got right match and I am person not into any relationships and nothing and this marriage relationship was so new and started loving her more and she was also the same. She had also no relationships and not interested in marriage but due to her mother's pressure she got married to me. She also started liking the relationship and valuing it After 6 months she was pregnant and she went to her mom's house to stay as she was feeling comfortable there and I aslo let her stay as she wishes. Child was born in 2022 April and problem started here We had to name the child and it's usually dad who names the child because its family tree and decendent. But my wife got in middle and said she wants name as suggested by her mother, the first fight started and later i compromised for child sake and I agreed to her on the naming of child. After the naming ceremony done her mother acted differently to me and she was looking for fight, my wife was also on the same route they were allowing me see my child once in a month and she also did not bother to spend time and let child because with me. I love to be with child but unfortunately I am not able to spend time with him. This made me feel suffocating inside and was feeling bad, one day we planned to bring child to my home along with my wife and she also agreed to stay for 3days and for some reason child was crying as it was new to adapt and new people. My wife used the situation to pull a fight with me and she said I want to go home saying child is crying and he will fall sick. I requested to wait for another few hours if he calms down and we will see but she didn't listen and got very pissed off and had cold war with her for week. She stopped talking and she stopped everything. I had no idea what was so wrong that I did and it so bad. I tired always to talk to her and she didn't give space to me and my feelings. From September 2022 we were not together till now. I December 2022 I approached marriage counselling for her and me to unite with her, she also had come for counseling as it was religious institution and she had no option to opt out. Counselling was done and she told that she will be coming my house in a Weeks time. After a week again same story she didnt turn back and she didnt even want to put one step to solve issue, adament nature and influence of her mother. I waited for a year and approached legally by filing petition on restitution of conjugal rights. I went through 2 hearings she is not turning back. I am left no where and for this sake why I should have married. I don't want another marriage or any i have great love for my child and even my wife whatso ever she does i just love her.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There are a few individuals on Earth who sadly fail to see the larger picture; in your case your wife fails to see how marriage can bring stability to life and the child's growth.
Now why she wants to run back to her parents' place is something I don't understand BUT she surely has forgotten that making a marriage work means staying together and even if the two of you need to stay apart, it has to be due to work or other commitments that require that kind of an adjustment.
Do you know why she is so quick to run back to her family home? Even if she was pressured in marrying you, what's the point running away from what is obvious.
If you are sure about not wanting the marriage, kindly factor in that you have a child. Make an attempt to get back together, so that your child has a stable home. Request an elder member from your family to intervene and talk some sense into her mother who seems to be ignorant to the fact of ruining her daughter's life. Is her mother going to take on the responsibility of her daughter and her child? See where this line of action leads you to and then step in and appeal with your wife...This is all that you can do...Hope for the best thing to happen...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 12, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
HI mam, i am 55 year old married staying with wife & two daughters & i am earning a good salary, no loans nothing & we can live happily. My wife bit under educated ( 12 std) & she has some health issues also (arthritis from past one year) & getting treatment. We are living separately from my parents from the past 17 years. My wife does not like my mother ( 80 years with old age health issues) coming to my home since my wife commanded by my mother when we were staying with my parents 17 years back. Still she has that old days struggle in her mind & there is a clash between me & my wife whenever my mother comes to my home. So many times I told her to forget all old bad days memories live today's happy life which she never wants to forget. My father passed away 04 years back & my mother comes to my home whenever there is a function or due to health issue stays for hardly about 15-20 days in a year. How to resolve this issue & get back happiness in my family.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I wish it were easy to forget...and it's a matter of choice whether we want to keep the past behind us or bring it again and again in out present moment. If your wife does not choose to keep the past behind, it is going to be a huge nightmare for you and especially you constantly having to mediate between your mother and wife.
Yes, since your mother stays only for a few days with you in a year, it is fair of you to expect your wife to 'adjust'...But she is unwilling, so what do you do?
If you can afford to keep your mother in a separate room and have someone care for her just for those 20 days, it will keep your wife away and having to do anything with your mother. So, your mother's needs are taken care of AND your wife has nothing to do with her.
You cannot force anyone to like someone else and that's what is happening at your home. Your wife has her reasons and your mother would have had hers when she was playing the active role of a mother-in-law. Let bygones be bygones. You want your mother to be treated well for that short time in your home; then give her just that...But without expecting that your wife is going to agree to anything. Instead, do what you need to for your ageing mother but keep your wife off the responsibility...That should keep both sides satisfied...
Life is filled with curve balls; you just learn to navigate then better every time...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 22, 2024Hindi
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Hello madam , my mother is too much obsessed with kid from me and my wife it's been 6 months of our marriage, she always compares with my siblings, but my situation is different but she is not understanding, I have already told her that I will let you know when we will plan please don't force but she is not understanding, now this month my wife got periods she went so upset and started blaming my wife that you must be taking some pills, we will go to doctor for checkup , Madam please advise how to handle her I am fully tired of her I don't know what to do I am not able to focus on my work
Ans: What’s really crucial here is that you and your wife stay united in how you handle this pressure. It’s essential that your wife knows you are fully supportive of her, and that you both are on the same page regarding your family planning decisions. If she feels that you’re standing by her side, it can help alleviate some of the stress she’s likely feeling from your mother’s constant comments and expectations.

When it comes to your mother, it may be time to have a firmer, more honest conversation. Instead of just telling her that you’ll let her know when you’re ready to plan, it might be helpful to share a bit more about how this pressure is affecting you and your wife. Explain to her that while you appreciate her desire to become a grandmother, her constant focus on this is creating unnecessary stress and is damaging to your mental health and your relationship. You may need to set some boundaries that are more definitive, letting her know that these kinds of conversations will no longer be welcome because they’re causing more harm than good.

It’s also important to stay calm and composed during these conversations. Your mother may not respond well at first, but if you remain consistent and clear about your boundaries, over time she might start to understand that you and your wife need space to make decisions on your own terms.

I know it can feel exhausting, especially when you’ve already tried to address this issue, but sometimes it takes repeated, calm, and firm conversations for boundaries to be truly respected. Your focus right now should be on protecting your marriage and your mental well-being, even if that means temporarily distancing yourself emotionally from your mother’s expectations. If things get too overwhelming, seeking professional guidance, either individually or as a couple, can also help you navigate the emotional complexities of family dynamics while keeping your relationship strong.

At the end of the day, your life, your marriage, and your future plans are yours to decide, and it’s okay to prioritize what’s best for you and your wife, even if it means disappointing others in the short term.

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"Should I take the leap and join IIIT Hyderabad through LEEE for better exposure, cutting-edge opportunities, and a prestigious peer group despite the high fees and financial burden, or should I continue in my current college where I can still engage in clubs, projects, and build a strong profile for pursuing M.Tech at a top institute later without the financial strain?"
Ans: IIIT Hyderabad is widely recognized for its academic excellence, research intensity, and prestigious peer environment, reflected in consistently high global and national rankings (501-600 in THE World Rankings, 47th NIRF Engineering 2024). Admission through LEEE allows lateral entry into its coveted dual degree (B.Tech + MS by Research) path, offering an immersive, four-year program with a distinct focus on innovation, cutting-edge technologies, and research aptitude. Students benefit from close mentorship, vibrant tech-centered clubs, hands-on exposure via open-source collaborations and industry-driven internship programs, and immediate access to India’s top minds in computer science and allied disciplines. Infrastructure is sophisticated, with 20+ research labs, AI, data science, and IoT centers, and active participation in national and international hackathons, joint industrial ventures, and conferences. Peer quality is regarded as exceptional; IIITH draws high-performing students with strong Olympiad, competitive programming, and research backgrounds, fostering an intellectually stimulating and collaborative campus culture. Placement outcomes are outstanding, with 98.8–99.3% placement rates across BTech/MS and nearly universal offers at global tech companies, research organizations, and emerging startups, ensuring rapid RoI and long-term career advancement for most graduates. However, the annual fee for the dual degree program is substantial—?4,50,000 per annum, potentially rising—posing a significant financial commitment, despite limited-but-merit-based scholarship options. By contrast, building a strong profile at your current college for future M.Tech at a top institution remains a prudent, financially less burdensome approach, especially if you secure strong academic scores, relevant projects, national-level internships, and competitive exam results (GATE/PGEE), and may still lead to prestigious research or industry positions.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9485 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

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Hi Sir, I have completed my graduation in Mechanical Engineering,I attempted GATE 2025 in CS paper and qualified. I participated in CCMT counselling and secured seat in IIITDM kurnool in AI&DA specialization.What is placement scenario there for Mtech,Should I consider this CoLlage as non CS graduate.
Ans: Ravinder, With a KCET 2025 rank of 5,649, securing Computer Science and Engineering (CSE) at BMS College of Engineering (BMSCE) is highly unlikely for the General Merit category, as recent closing ranks for CSE at BMSCE have consistently been around 2,500–3,000 due to intense demand. However, you have an excellent opportunity to gain admission to CSE at many other reputable Bangalore colleges, where closing ranks typically extend from 4,000 to 10,000, including Nitte Meenakshi Institute of Technology, Acharya Institute of Technology, Reva University, and RNS Institute of Technology. All these colleges have strong academics, good facilities, connections with industries, effective job placement services, and support for students, which helps in overall student growth. Placement rates for CSE in these colleges remain robust, often exceeding 80%, and their urban locations offer significant internship and networking opportunities in Bangalore’s thriving tech sector. CSE remains the most sought-after branch, offering excellent career prospects in IT, analytics, AI, and global tech firms, ensuring strong return on education investment and adaptability for future roles.

Recommendation: While BMSCE CSE is not attainable with your current rank, you can confidently target leading alternatives such as Nitte Meenakshi Institute of Technology, Acharya Institute of Technology, Reva University, and RNS Institute of Technology for CSE. These colleges offer outstanding placements, quality education, and excellent industry connectivity, ensuring comprehensive academic and career progression. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9485 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jul 27, 2025

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Is Sri Aurobindo college delhi worth it for BA programme in Commerce + Economics
Ans: Sri Aurobindo College (Morning), affiliated with the University of Delhi, is recognized for its balanced blend of academic quality and holistic student growth, offering the BA Programme in Commerce + Economics as a three-year, full-time course with broad exposure to both commercial and economic fundamentals. The curriculum draws upon an experienced faculty and integrates traditional and skill enhancement papers covering macroeconomics, finance, business, budget analysis, and research methodology, ensuring a solid grounding in analytical and market-relevant skills. The campus supports learning through modern infrastructure, including computerized libraries with over 60,000 books, computer labs, seminar rooms, and Wi-Fi access, alongside encouragement for participation in seminars, sports, and cultural activities to nurture well-rounded development. The placement cell at Sri Aurobindo College is active, regularly conducting placement drives and offering both on-campus and off-campus opportunities. Over the last three years, about 55% of students have been placed annually in companies such as Deloitte, Wipro, TCS, ICICI Bank, and others, while internships are facilitated for additional industry exposure. The program in Commerce + Economics is highly sought after in India, preparing graduates for roles in analytics, finance, policy, research, and consulting, with current trends indicating growing demand for such interdisciplinary profiles in the dynamic job market. Alumni and student feedback praise the supportive faculty, robust academic culture, and industry linkages. The department is further bolstered by active student associations and networking opportunities that enhance employability and professional growth.

Recommendation: Opting for the BA Programme in Commerce + Economics at Sri Aurobindo College, Delhi, is worthwhile. This choice offers a strong academic reputation, well-developed infrastructure, consistent placement support with about 55% placement rates, and promising interdisciplinary prospects—making it a viable option for both higher education and diverse career pathways in today’s evolving economic landscape. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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