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Anu Krishna |1746 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 08, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 06, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Madam, I have two sons, one aged 22 yrs (is working as a computer hardware support executive and is working hard) and another, aged 17 years (just appearing for his 12th std board exams in Commerce stream). I have obtained a divorce from my wife in sept 2023, after a legal process of 15 months. The divorce was a result of extra marital relationship by my wife for several years and she abruptly leaving the house in april 2022 without proper good byes and without "settling" my sons. My sons have been pulling on so long since they do not want me to get depressed. Particularly the younger one is apparently just going through life as a formality. Could you kindly suggest me how to keep them afloat and motivated, and retain / develop the zest which they had earlier

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This is really sad and I can only imagine what you and the boys must be going through.
Any parent/loved one leaving without a trace does not offer closure and as much as the three of you have moved on, it can get tough making the mind understand and why it all happened.
There is NO clear answer to a WHY as it can only be derived out of one's own perceptions; hence make a story that helps you all move on...
1. Sit down with the boys and instead of reasoning out with them as to WHY it all happened, try and focus on WHAT NEXT?
This transition from WHY to WHAT NEXT brings out a series of options that guide you to transition into the next phase of life. It's not easy BUT possible only if you make that humble attempt.
2. Each of you need to heal from what's happened and the only way that is going to happen if you move into a positive space looking forward to what's in store for you.
3. The boys will slowly move on with career and other stuff BUT do make sure to tell them that 'not all women make similar choices'...this is to ensure that they go on to have healthy relationships in future. Motivate your younger one to join sports/gym; this ensures that he displaces any seething anger that he is carrying. If this does not work, take him to a professional who can help him through the struggle hat he is facing.
4. On your part, move into a space where you have a good social circle and thrive in your work as well. Seeing this, your boys will move away from taking care of you to supporting you. One step at a time...

All the best!

RelationshipReply

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Dr Ashish Sehgal | Answer |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 01, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2023Hindi

Relationship

I'm 66 yrs old retired having two sons, both married according to their choice. My wife 60 going to retire in a couple of months. My elder son who is a Bank executive married since 10 years and issueless. The younger son working as an executive in KPMG married since 4 years and having a child. Due some misunderstanding with the their wives the sons are at times not in talking terms with us. My sons are also not in talking terms with each other. In the recent days the elder son directly instigated not to keep contact with the younger one because he did not like our closeness with him. We are put into dilemma and unable to convince both the children to reconcile the situation. Please advise.

Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the strained relationships between your sons and their wives, as well as the tension between your sons themselves. Here are some suggestions that may help:

Open and honest communication: Encourage open and honest communication between all family members. Try to create a safe and non-judgmental environment where everyone can express their thoughts, concerns, and feelings. Act as a mediator, actively listening to each party and facilitating productive discussions.

Family counseling: Consider seeking the help of a family counselor or therapist who specializes in resolving family conflicts. A professional can provide guidance and help navigate the complexities of the situation, facilitating healthier communication and promoting understanding among family members.

Individual conversations: Have one-on-one conversations with each of your sons to understand their perspectives and concerns. Encourage them to share their feelings openly and without interruption. This can help you gain insight into their individual experiences and provide a foundation for finding common ground.

Encourage empathy and understanding: Emphasize the importance of empathy and understanding in resolving conflicts. Help your sons and their spouses see things from each other's perspectives, fostering compassion and promoting reconciliation.

Promote shared experiences: Find opportunities for your sons and their families to spend time together in a neutral and relaxed environment. Encourage activities that promote bonding, such as family outings, celebrations, or vacations. Creating positive shared experiences can help rebuild connections and mend relationships.

Set boundaries: While it's important to encourage reconciliation, it's equally important to set and maintain healthy boundaries. Ensure that everyone understands the need for respect and mutual consideration, both within the family and between the spouses. Reinforce the importance of maintaining healthy relationships while respecting individual autonomy.

Lead by example: Show your sons and their spouses that you value and prioritize healthy relationships. Demonstrate positive communication, respect, and understanding in your own interactions with them and with your wife. Lead by example and encourage them to do the same.

Remember, resolving family conflicts takes time, effort, and understanding from all parties involved. It may be helpful to seek professional guidance from a family therapist who can provide tailored advice based on a deeper understanding of your family dynamics.

Kanchan Rai |646 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 18, 2024Hindi

Relationship

I am about 68 year's I have two sons who are married via arranged process. My younger son's wife is educated teacher. But she had a torturous up bring during high school days. Leading to least interest in married life after marriage. She deserted my son soon after marriage. This led to break down in marriage now heading for a divorce. Please advise.

Ans: It sounds like a deeply painful situation for everyone involved, especially considering the emotional trauma your daughter-in-law experienced during her formative years.

It's important to recognize that individuals who have gone through traumatic experiences in their youth can carry emotional wounds that affect their relationships later in life. These scars may manifest in ways that make it difficult for them to fully engage in marital life or maintain a healthy relationship.

In situations like these, it’s crucial to approach with empathy and understanding. Your daughter-in-law’s decision to desert your son and pursue divorce likely stems from her own internal struggles and emotional turmoil. It’s not a reflection of your son’s worth or efforts within the marriage.

Moving forward, it might be helpful for your son to focus on his own healing and well-being. Encouraging him to seek support from friends, family, or a professional counselor can provide him with a safe space to process his emotions and navigate this challenging transition.

As a family, offering unconditional support and empathy to both your son and daughter-in-law can create an environment where healing and understanding can begin. It’s important to respect each individual’s journey and decisions while also recognizing the need for compassion during this difficult time.

Kanchan Rai |646 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 18, 2024Hindi

Relationship

I am a 52-year-old man. 6 months back I lost my wife accidentally. I have one son and one daughter. My daughter is in 10th and my son is in 3rd year of engineering. In the absence of my wife, my entire house has been collapsed. Most of our relatives make decisions on my behalf. My kids don't listen to me, especially my son. For them, i am just supposed to take care of their needs and continue till the children get settled. Thereafter i should think about my life. It was a quite selfish decision by my children. My wife was a housewife. I am working very hard to give them a better life. But all my efforts are in vain. At present my mom is with me. She is old and trying to help us out but still, my kids don't like her. I have tried hard to ensure that they do not feel the absence of my wife. Everything has been cared for, but at the end of the day, I am alone. I don't know what will be the future. I want to go for a second marriage but my kids have threatened me that they will leave the house immediately even if I give it a thought. My journey has been quite stressful. I have loans which have to be paid by me. I need a partner with whom I can share my feelings, one who cares for me and takes care of me and my children. But in recent situations i am totally stressed and don't know how to handle it. need advise

Ans: Your children, however, seem to be struggling with their own grief and fears about change, and that’s creating tension between their needs and your desire for a second marriage. It sounds like they are clinging to the memory of their mother, which may be why they are so resistant to the idea of you remarrying. While their emotions are understandable, it’s unfair for them to dismiss your own needs or expect you to ignore your feelings for the sake of their expectations.

To handle this situation, it's important to begin by opening up an honest and compassionate dialogue with your children. They may not realize the extent of your loneliness or how much you're shouldering on your own. In this conversation, avoid focusing on remarrying immediately but instead express how you're feeling emotionally. Let them know that just as you’re doing your best to provide for them, you also need support and companionship. This might help them understand that your desire for a partner doesn’t mean you're replacing their mother, but that you need someone to help you heal and navigate life.

Grief counseling or family therapy could be very helpful here as well. Grief affects everyone differently, and a neutral professional can help you all work through these emotions together. Your son and daughter, especially being at different stages of their lives, might benefit from understanding how each of you is processing the loss differently.

As for the practical side, with your mother's help, you're already doing everything you can to keep things together. It's understandable that you need help beyond the daily chores—emotional and relational support is vital for anyone. Your children, though they are resisting now, may come to understand this over time, especially if the focus is on helping them adjust to their own loss first before you push the idea of marriage too far.

Lastly, do not give up on the thought of a second marriage if that’s what your heart truly wants. Your children may eventually understand, but it will take time and patience. Prioritize your emotional well-being and don’t feel guilty for wanting to find love and companionship again. After all, your happiness matters too, and a loving relationship can positively impact both you and your children once they’ve had time to adjust.

In the meantime, take one step at a time: focus on communication, seek external support like therapy, and make sure you're caring for yourself emotionally, even if it's hard right now.

Archana Deshpande | Answer |Ask -Follow

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

Question by revathi - Oct 24, 2024Hindi

Career

hi mam ...i am a mother of two sons one in tenth grade and other in sixth grade.i used to be with my elder one for studies and younger one studies on his own but i will make sure he is learning and help him when he needs. Recently i arranged tuition for elder one and also i am sitting with him but i could not see any improvement on him.I live in a joint family with 91 yrs old fil and 80yrs mil.Since child hood i set routine works ,make him sure that he completes his work.Chasing him for everything make me me unhappy as he needs to learn to prioritize his thing ,his work, etc. Dily conflict is coming with him and we are always in conflict mode. Consulted few psychologist and astrology but all in vain.dont know how to make him to learn his tenth grade where life route takes place.

Ans: Dear Revathi,

You are doing so much my dear...take a break from everything for an hour everyday and focus on your well being and peace of mind. 20-20-20 rule for you, meditate for 20 mins, physical activity for 20 mins and connecting with nature for 20 mins( these are your mini breaks).
If you can add 10 mins of an activity which makes your heart joyful then 'sone pe suhaga'!! Self-care comes first, a happy and joyful mother, wife , daughter-in-law is great to have around the house. You are doing so much don't you think you deserve 1 hr for yourself? Without thinking too much , just go ahead and schedule self-care in your time table.

Now let's solve your son's issue...since childhood you have taught him how to do things, he is grown up enough to do things on his own. Until and unless you allow him to do things on his own, how will he learn to do?
DO NOT CHASE...DO NOT CRITICIZE....DO NOT NAG, tell him what to do once and wait for him to do. If he does it fantastic, else let him face the consequences. Every action has to have consequences.. for eg, not studying will lead to less marks, it's his failure, not yours, let him take ownership of his actions, you are preparing him for life, let him falter now and learn to get up. Be there for him when he falls, your job as a mom is to ensure he is healthy...emotionally and physically. (Keep the atmosphere at home happy because you have another son too, he is younger and needs your attention too)
It is his 10th Std, not yours. Keep telling the importance of studies and scoring well and the need to study consistently( again no nagging). He is grown up now, take him to a place without distractions and have heart to heart conversations as a mom and son. Conflicts are neither good for him nor to you/the entire home.
Trust me, parenting is not an easy job, you have to raise yourself, before you raise a child. It is not an easy world for your son too.....raging hormones, conflicting world, conflicting views....the world at the click of a button, you be his rock solid supporter and cheer leader, be there for your sons, create a loving and caring home, where they feel secure and happy. A mother knows best, trust your instinct( the mother's instinct), believe in yourself and your children!!

Wishing the very best to all of you.. and happy parenting!!

Latest Questions

Nayagam P P |10854 Answers |Ask -Follow

Career Counsellor - Answered on Dec 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2025Hindi

Career

Hello, I am currently in Class 12 and preparing for JEE. I have not yet completed even 50% of the syllabus properly, but I aim to score around '110' marks. Could you suggest an effective strategy to achieve this? I know the target is relatively low, but I have category reservation, so it should be sufficient.

Ans: With category reservation (SC/ST/OBC), a score of 110 marks is absolutely achievable and realistic. Based on 2025 data, SC candidates qualified with approximately 60-65 percentile, and ST candidates with 45-55 percentile. Your target requires scoring just 37-40% marks, which is significantly lower than general category standards. This gives you a genuine advantage. Immediate Action Plan (December 2025 - January 2026): 4-5 Weeks. Week 1-2: High-Weightage Chapter Focus. Stop trying to complete the entire syllabus. Instead, focus exclusively on high-scoring chapters that carry maximum weightage: Physics (Modern Physics, Current Electricity, Work-Power-Energy, Rotation, Magnetism), Chemistry (Chemical Bonding, Thermodynamics, Coordination Compounds, Electrochemistry), and Maths (Integration, Differentiation, Vectors, 3D Geometry, Probability). These chapters alone can yield 80-100+ marks if practiced properly. Ignore topics you haven't studied yet. Week 2-3: Previous Year Questions (PYQs). Solve JEE Main PYQs from the last 10 years (2015-2025) for chapters you're studying. PYQs reveal question patterns and difficulty levels. Focus on understanding why answers are correct, not memorizing solutions. Week 3-4: Mock Tests & Error Analysis. Take 2-3 full-length mock tests weekly under timed conditions. This is crucial because mock tests build exam confidence, reveal time management weaknesses, and error analysis prevents repeated mistakes. Maintain an error notebook documenting every mistake—this becomes your revision guide. Week 4-5: Revision & Formula Consolidation. Create concise formula sheets for each subject. Spend 30 minutes daily reviewing formulas and key concepts. Avoid learning new topics entirely at this stage. Study Schedule (Daily): 7-8 Hours. Morning (5:00-7:30 AM): Physics concepts + 30 PYQs. Break (7:30-8:30 AM): Breakfast & rest. Mid-morning (8:30-11:00): Chemistry concepts + 20 PYQs. Lunch (11:00-1:00 PM): Full break. Afternoon (1:00-3:30 PM): Maths concepts + 30 PYQs. Evening (3:30-5:00 PM): Mock test or error review. Night (7:00-9:00 PM): Formula revision & weak area focus. Strategic Approach for 110 Marks: Attempt only confident questions and avoid negative marking by skipping difficult questions. Do easy questions first—in the exam, attempt all basic-level questions before attempting medium or hard ones. Focus on quality over quantity as 30 well-practiced questions beat 100 random questions. Master NCERT concepts as most JEE questions test NCERT concepts applied smartly. April 2026 Session Advantage. If January doesn't deliver desired results, April gives you a second chance with 3+ months to prepare. Use January as a practice attempt to identify weak areas, then focus intensively on those in February-March. Realistic Timeline: January 2026 target is 95-110 marks (achievable with focused 50% syllabus), while April 2026 target is 120-130 marks (with complete syllabus + experience). Your reservation benefit means you need only approximately 90-105 marks to qualify and secure admission to quality engineering colleges. Stop comparing yourself to general category cutoffs. Most Importantly: Consistency beats perfection. Study 6 focused hours daily rather than 12 distracted hours. Your 110-mark target is realistic—execute this plan with discipline. All the BEST for Your JEE 2026!

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Radheshyam Zanwar |6744 Answers |Ask -Follow

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 14, 2025

Question by Ashish - Dec 13, 2025Hindi

Career

Sir maine 2024 me 12 pass Kiya aur kya 75% se kam rah gaye to kya mai 2025 me nios ka exam dekar 75%+ jee mains de sakta hu jabki maine abhi koi attempt nahi diye jee mains ke aur advance me kitne attempt milenge sir

Ans: Your query has already been replied to you. Please copy and paste the following link in your browser to read it again - https://gurus.rediff.com/hi/question/qdtl/career/given-12th-xam-first-2024-unable-score-75-percentage-gave/5244427

Good luck.
Follow me if you receive this reply.
Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar |6744 Answers |Ask -Follow

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 14, 2025

Question by Ashish - Dec 13, 2025Hindi

Career

Sir namaste maine 2024 me12th pass Kiya aur 75% se kam marks aaye to kya 2026 me nios ka exam dekar jee mains de sakta hu aur jee advance me kitne attempt milenge

Ans: Your query has already been replied to you. Please copy and paste the following link in your browser to read it again - https://gurus.rediff.com/hi/question/qdtl/career/given-12th-xam-first-2024-unable-score-75-percentage-gave/5244427

Good luck.
Follow me if you receive this reply.
Radheshyam

Dr Dipankar Dutta |1840 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Dec 14, 2025

Question by Rahul - Dec 14, 2025Hindi

Career

Sir I have registered for jee main january attempt as a general category student but now I have a ews catagory certificate..So can I apply this certificate in the jee main 2026 april attempt?

Ans: Yes — you can apply your EWS certificate in the JEE Main 2026 April attempt,

Dr Dipankar Dutta |1840 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2025

Career

Dear Sir/Madam, I am currently a 1st year UG student studying engineering in Sairam Engineering College, But there the lack of exposure and strict academics feels so rigid and I don't like it that. It's like they don't gaf about skills but just wants us to memorize things and score a good CGPA, the only skill they want is you to memorize things and pass, there's even special class for students who don't perform well in academics and it is compulsory for them to attend or else the student and his/her parents needs to face authorities who lashes out. My question is when did engineering became something that requires good academics instead of actual learning and skill set. In sairam they provides us a coding platform in which we need to gain the required points for each semester which is ridiculous cuz most of the students here just look at the solution to code instead of actual debugging. I am passionate about engineering so I want to learn and experiment things instead of just memorizing, so I actually consider dropping out and I want to give jee a try and maybe viteee , srmjeee But i heard some people say SRM may provide exposure but not that good in placements. I may not be excellent at studies but my marks are decent. So gimme some insights about SRM and recommend me other colleges/universities which are good at exposure

Ans: First — your frustration is valid

What you are experiencing at Sairam is not engineering, it is rote-based credential production.

“When did engineering become memorizing instead of learning?”

Sadly, this shift happened decades ago in most Tier-3 private colleges in India.

About “coding platforms & points” – your observation is sharp

You are absolutely right:

Mandatory coding points → students copy solutions

Copying ≠ learning

Debugging & thinking are missing

This is pseudo-skill education — it looks modern but produces shallow engineers.

The fact that you noticed this in 1st year already puts you ahead of 80% students.

Should you DROP OUT and prepare for JEE / VITEEE / SRMJEEE?

Although VIT/SRM is better than Sairam Engineering College, but you may face the same problem. You will not face this type of problem only in some top IITs, but getting seat in those IITs will be difficult.
Instead of dropping immediately, consider:

???? Strategy:

Stay enrolled (degree security)

Reduce emotional investment in college rules

Use:

GitHub

Open-source projects

Hackathons

Internships (remote)

Hardware / software self-projects

This way:

College = formality

Learning = self-driven

Risk = minimal

Dr Dipankar Dutta |1840 Answers |Ask -Follow

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2025

Question by Ashish - Dec 13, 2025Hindi

Career

Namaste sir , maine 2024 me 12 pass Kiya aur mai 75% nahi la paya to kya mai 2026 me nios exam dekar jee mains de sakta hu aur jee advance ke liye kitne attempt milenge

Ans: JEE Main ke liye 12th pass hona hi kaafi hai, 75% criteria sirf NIT / IIT / IIIT / GFTI admission ke liye hota hai.

NIOS ek valid board hai (CBSE ke barabar maana jata hai).

Agar aap 2026 me NIOS se 12th pass kar lete ho, to:

Aap 2026, 2027, 2028 me JEE Main de sakte ho.

Mayank Chandel |2575 Answers |Ask -Follow

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2025

Question by Sudhir - Nov 18, 2025Hindi

Career

Hello My son will be completing his tenth this year and wish to appear for NEET. We reside at Andheri-Mumbai. Can you please suggest good coaching institutes for the same near by based on overall performance , teacher quality and process of coaching

Ans: Hello Sudhir Ji
it will be very difficult for me to suggest on this.

Radheshyam Zanwar |6744 Answers |Ask -Follow

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2025Hindi

Career

Mai bihar board se 10 or 12 kiya hu or jee main bhi diya mera cutoff clear nhi hua or 3 attempt khatam ho gya hai kya mai ab nios board se fir se 12 complete karke jee main or advanced de sakta hu koe problem hogi kya

Ans: Yes, you can complete 12th again from NIOS and appear for JEE Main, but JEE Advanced has age, attempt, and year-of-passing restrictions, so eligibility for JEE (Adv) may still be an issue.

Honest opinion & suggestion - Even after 3 failed trials, why are you running behind JEE? It would be better to appear for the state-level engineering examination. Get admission to your preferred college and branch. Complete your undergraduate degree. While pursuing UG, appear for GATE. Crack it. With a high score, you can get admission to PG @ IIT. The dream of IIT can be easily fulfilled via this route. There is no sense in appearing for JEE again, especially after completing 12th @ NIOS board. It is just a waste of time, money, and effort.

The final decision will be yours! Only I can suggest.

Good luck.
Follow me if you receive this reply.
Radheshyam

Mayank Chandel |2575 Answers |Ask -Follow

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2025

Question by Saroja - Dec 12, 2025Hindi

Career

My son has passed 12th board exam in the year 2024. Is he eligible to appear JEE Main in Jan or Apr 2027 ?

Ans: Hello Saroja
Student can appear JEE-Mains for three years starting from his 12th appeared year. So the answer for your is NO.

Mayank Chandel |2575 Answers |Ask -Follow

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 04, 2025Hindi

Career

Sir my name on aadhar is first name +surname On tenth marksheet is first name+fathers name +surname Will it create problem for jee exams

Ans: I don't think there should be any problem. They may ask you to submit the affidavit if they feel so.
In the mean time you can get your aadhar updated as per your marksheet.

See more questions »

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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