I am about 68 year's I have two sons who are married via arranged process. My younger son's wife is educated teacher. But she had a torturous up bring during high school days. Leading to least interest in married life after marriage. She deserted my son soon after marriage. This led to break down in marriage now heading for a divorce. Please advise.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are upset with your wife and that is evident. Leave it at that...there is no need to justify this thought by imagining that she might be an illegal child of her mother etc...it does not help you or your case!
Stick to what is bothering you...Ask yourself if you want to continue in the marriage or not...if you are holding back because of your son, then be prepared to accept your wife as she is OR tell her what it is that you do not like about her as qualities. You say that she lies; state clearly what she is lying about...State that you are upset that she lied about her educational qualifications...
State clearly what responsibilities towards married life she hasn't yet fulfilled.
Without this communication, your dislike for her will only increase and you will find more reasons to justify this dislike. Instead, find a way to make things better...I am sure that she will also want this for the sake of your 6-year old son...

All the best!

Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenging situation you've been through. It's understandable that trust has been broken, and emotions must be complex. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and that of your son during this time. If you feel comfortable, have an open and honest conversation with your wife about the reasons for her return. It's crucial to express your feelings and concerns. It might be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, to facilitate the conversation. If she continues to pursue a return against your wishes, you may want to consult with a legal professional to understand your options and rights. Given the complexity of your situation, it might be beneficial to seek legal advice to understand your rights and responsibilities. A lawyer can help you explore options and provide guidance on how to proceed. Take into account the well-being and feelings of your son in any decision-making process. His opinion and comfort level should be considered, especially if he has chosen not to maintain contact with his mother. Decisions made under emotional stress might not be the best ones. Give yourself time to reflect, assess the situation, and decide what is in the best interest of you and your son Ultimately, the decision of whether to allow your wife back into your lives is a personal one. Consider what is in the best interests of you and your son, taking into account your own well-being and the well-being of your family.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am really sorry for your loss. I understand that pressure from family and peers can be stressful, but it's important not to rush into a new relationship simply because others want you to. While their opinions likely stem from concern for you, it's crucial to allow yourself the time and space to grieve your wife's passing.

If your family doesn't understand your decision, it's okay to stand firm. You're an adult capable of discerning what's best for yourself. Stick to your current path and honor your grieving process. Once you believe you have felt all the emotions, processed your loss, and begun to move forward should you consider the possibility of remarrying, but that too, only if you feel like it and are ready for it. Marrying to fill the void, or to take of your kid is never a good idea. I am sure you are doing a great job as a single dad. Trust yourself to make the right decision when the moment is appropriate.

Best Wishes!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let it be a matter that is sorted by only your son and his wife. It's their marriage and let them take the responsibility of putting it back together. As parents, sometimes the concern that you show can actually backfire depending on what exactly is irking the couple and their marriage.
It is going to be difficult for you and your wife to become silent spectators but at times it is better than intervening. They are adults who know what a quarrel can do; so let them figure out what to do after a quarrel. Let your son learn how he can manage the situation after a quarrel where his wife is able to access her mature side and talk things through rather than packing and leaving. I am sure you understand where I am going with this!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
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