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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |469 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 20, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I am about 68 year's I have two sons who are married via arranged process. My younger son's wife is educated teacher. But she had a torturous up bring during high school days. Leading to least interest in married life after marriage. She deserted my son soon after marriage. This led to break down in marriage now heading for a divorce. Please advise.

Ans: It sounds like a deeply painful situation for everyone involved, especially considering the emotional trauma your daughter-in-law experienced during her formative years.

It's important to recognize that individuals who have gone through traumatic experiences in their youth can carry emotional wounds that affect their relationships later in life. These scars may manifest in ways that make it difficult for them to fully engage in marital life or maintain a healthy relationship.

In situations like these, it’s crucial to approach with empathy and understanding. Your daughter-in-law’s decision to desert your son and pursue divorce likely stems from her own internal struggles and emotional turmoil. It’s not a reflection of your son’s worth or efforts within the marriage.

Moving forward, it might be helpful for your son to focus on his own healing and well-being. Encouraging him to seek support from friends, family, or a professional counselor can provide him with a safe space to process his emotions and navigate this challenging transition.

As a family, offering unconditional support and empathy to both your son and daughter-in-law can create an environment where healing and understanding can begin. It’s important to respect each individual’s journey and decisions while also recognizing the need for compassion during this difficult time.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1424 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 12, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 02, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I have second marriage and staying 9 years. Now my age is 50 years, and my wife age is 40. We have a 6-year-old son. Me working in a managerial position in an industry, and she is a houses wife. During our married life I have been noticed that no interest in married life. She has no expectation from married life, no responsibility and duty performed towards married life. Always avoid from responsibility and duty. Through the married life she has been found liar in nature and dirty woman very much. Now our son also tells lie and his mother provoke it. I and very much upset for this liar nature. At the time of she tells false about her educational qualification. Though we are staying in a home but staying separate room. My wife nature and behaviour are completely different from her sibling. Now I suspect that she may be illegal issue of her mother. I have maintained the married life only because of considering son future and not find any matching partner. Please advise me how to grow up my son and how to take care him. If I go for divorce what problem, son may face and how to take care him.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are upset with your wife and that is evident. Leave it at that...there is no need to justify this thought by imagining that she might be an illegal child of her mother etc...it does not help you or your case!
Stick to what is bothering you...Ask yourself if you want to continue in the marriage or not...if you are holding back because of your son, then be prepared to accept your wife as she is OR tell her what it is that you do not like about her as qualities. You say that she lies; state clearly what she is lying about...State that you are upset that she lied about her educational qualifications...
State clearly what responsibilities towards married life she hasn't yet fulfilled.
Without this communication, your dislike for her will only increase and you will find more reasons to justify this dislike. Instead, find a way to make things better...I am sure that she will also want this for the sake of your 6-year old son...

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |469 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am married for 23 years .Both me & my wife are doing job.I have one son staying with me. After 17 years of marriage I inquired that my wife has sexual relationship with another man . This has hurt me a lot as she betrayed me . As a result she gave no attention to me , my son and my parents . When I got this information , my wife left my house taking hand loan from neighbors . I never lodged any complain with police or file divorce case , rather I took it challenging. I took proper care of my son .Due to hard work & logistic support from me , my son qualified in NEET & continuing MBBS in Govt. college.As my son has grown up & knows the actual fact ,he dislikes his mother & has no contact with her since long.Gradually we have started forgetting her. After 6 years of staying outside , now my wife is trying to come back again forcefully which we do not want. Therefore I request that please advice me what to do.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenging situation you've been through. It's understandable that trust has been broken, and emotions must be complex. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and that of your son during this time. If you feel comfortable, have an open and honest conversation with your wife about the reasons for her return. It's crucial to express your feelings and concerns. It might be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, to facilitate the conversation. If she continues to pursue a return against your wishes, you may want to consult with a legal professional to understand your options and rights. Given the complexity of your situation, it might be beneficial to seek legal advice to understand your rights and responsibilities. A lawyer can help you explore options and provide guidance on how to proceed. Take into account the well-being and feelings of your son in any decision-making process. His opinion and comfort level should be considered, especially if he has chosen not to maintain contact with his mother. Decisions made under emotional stress might not be the best ones. Give yourself time to reflect, assess the situation, and decide what is in the best interest of you and your son Ultimately, the decision of whether to allow your wife back into your lives is a personal one. Consider what is in the best interests of you and your son, taking into account your own well-being and the well-being of your family.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |485 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Mar 04, 2024

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |469 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am a 52-year-old man. 6 months back I lost my wife accidentally. I have one son and one daughter. My daughter is in 10th and my son is in 3rd year of engineering. In the absence of my wife, my entire house has been collapsed. Most of our relatives make decisions on my behalf. My kids don't listen to me, especially my son. For them, i am just supposed to take care of their needs and continue till the children get settled. Thereafter i should think about my life. It was a quite selfish decision by my children. My wife was a housewife. I am working very hard to give them a better life. But all my efforts are in vain. At present my mom is with me. She is old and trying to help us out but still, my kids don't like her. I have tried hard to ensure that they do not feel the absence of my wife. Everything has been cared for, but at the end of the day, I am alone. I don't know what will be the future. I want to go for a second marriage but my kids have threatened me that they will leave the house immediately even if I give it a thought. My journey has been quite stressful. I have loans which have to be paid by me. I need a partner with whom I can share my feelings, one who cares for me and takes care of me and my children. But in recent situations i am totally stressed and don't know how to handle it. need advise
Ans: Your children, however, seem to be struggling with their own grief and fears about change, and that’s creating tension between their needs and your desire for a second marriage. It sounds like they are clinging to the memory of their mother, which may be why they are so resistant to the idea of you remarrying. While their emotions are understandable, it’s unfair for them to dismiss your own needs or expect you to ignore your feelings for the sake of their expectations.

To handle this situation, it's important to begin by opening up an honest and compassionate dialogue with your children. They may not realize the extent of your loneliness or how much you're shouldering on your own. In this conversation, avoid focusing on remarrying immediately but instead express how you're feeling emotionally. Let them know that just as you’re doing your best to provide for them, you also need support and companionship. This might help them understand that your desire for a partner doesn’t mean you're replacing their mother, but that you need someone to help you heal and navigate life.

Grief counseling or family therapy could be very helpful here as well. Grief affects everyone differently, and a neutral professional can help you all work through these emotions together. Your son and daughter, especially being at different stages of their lives, might benefit from understanding how each of you is processing the loss differently.

As for the practical side, with your mother's help, you're already doing everything you can to keep things together. It's understandable that you need help beyond the daily chores—emotional and relational support is vital for anyone. Your children, though they are resisting now, may come to understand this over time, especially if the focus is on helping them adjust to their own loss first before you push the idea of marriage too far.

Lastly, do not give up on the thought of a second marriage if that’s what your heart truly wants. Your children may eventually understand, but it will take time and patience. Prioritize your emotional well-being and don’t feel guilty for wanting to find love and companionship again. After all, your happiness matters too, and a loving relationship can positively impact both you and your children once they’ve had time to adjust.

In the meantime, take one step at a time: focus on communication, seek external support like therapy, and make sure you're caring for yourself emotionally, even if it's hard right now.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Dr Nagarajan Jsk

Dr Nagarajan Jsk   |199 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Jan 05, 2025

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Career
Which overseas country MBBS will be better in-terms of quality education with reasonable fees (less than 50Lacs) for Indian students who may practice in india after FNG test?
Ans: Before the introduction of NEET, the scenario for admission to medical colleges was quite different. Many candidates aspiring to study medicine who did not achieve sufficient marks in their HSC (Higher Secondary Certificate) chose to pursue their education abroad. However, with NEET in place, numerous opportunities are now available in India.

The medical admission process in India has become more standardized, so there is no longer a need to seek alternatives overseas. In this context, I strongly suggest that pursuing an MBBS in India is preferable rather than from other countries. It is important to understand that candidates must clear NEET for both admission and graduation.

There are several challenges that young students—who are often minors—face when studying abroad. Our education system has not equipped them to handle various situations in foreign countries. Some of the major difficulties include:

1. Admissions are often conducted through agencies, which can result in significant financial losses.
2. Issues related to food and accommodation can arise.
3. Adapting to a different culture and behavior can be challenging, and young students may be tempted towards negative influences.

So, it might be wiser for candidates to complete their undergraduate education in India and consider pursuing postgraduate studies abroad later on. We should encourage our younger generation to take competitive exams, as this will help build their confidence and better prepare them for their future.
Thank you.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |469 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
How to overcome from past memories
Ans: Healing from painful past memories is an intimate and deeply emotional journey. It’s not just about forgetting what happened but learning to carry those experiences in a way that doesn’t weigh you down.

Start by honoring your feelings. These memories are a part of your story, and the emotions tied to them are valid. Allow yourself to sit with the pain, the sadness, or even the anger, without rushing to push it away. Sometimes, simply acknowledging the hurt can bring a sense of release.

Mindfulness can be a gentle companion in this process. When the past pulls you back, focus on the present moment. Notice the feel of your breath, the warmth of the sun, or the grounding sensation of your feet on the floor. These small acts remind you that you are here, now, safe and capable of healing.

Embrace self-compassion. Speak to yourself as you would to a dear friend. Remind yourself that it’s okay to have scars and that healing takes time. You don’t have to be perfect or have it all figured out. It’s enough to take one step at a time.

Sometimes, letting go means forgiving—not just others, but yourself too. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning what happened. It’s about freeing yourself from the chains of resentment and allowing space for peace and growth.

Surround yourself with warmth and support. Lean on those who uplift you, who remind you of your strength, and who offer you love without judgment. These connections can be a soothing balm for the soul.

Lastly, be patient with yourself. Healing is not linear, and it’s okay to have days when the past feels heavy again. Trust in your resilience and know that each day, you are growing stronger, finding new ways to hold your memories with tenderness rather than pain. You are worthy of peace, love, and joy in your present and future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |469 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 02, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Two years ago, I met someone, at a workplace inclusion workshop in Mumbai. He identified himself as a transgender man, We clicked instantly, and our friendship turned into a romantic relationship over time. He is incredibly supportive, kind, and ambitious. I admire him deeply because he has faced many struggles to be where he is today. My parents found out about him recently, and the backlash has been immense. They’ve threatened to disown me, saying I’m bringing shame to the family. They’re pushing me to break up with him and marry someone 'normal.' The societal pressure, whispers from neighbours, and even judgment from some colleagues are making things unbearable. I love him but I also feel torn between my family, cultural expectations, and my happiness. What should I do?
Ans: First, it's important to acknowledge your feelings of being torn. This is a natural response to the competing demands of love, family loyalty, and cultural expectations. Allow yourself to feel these emotions without judgment; they are valid and understandable.

Next, consider the core values and priorities in your life. What kind of life do you envision for yourself? What role do love, authenticity, and personal happiness play in that vision? Reflecting on these questions can help clarify your path forward.

Communication with your family is crucial, though it may be difficult. Express your feelings, the depth of your love for your partner, and the happiness he brings into your life. It might not change their perspective immediately, but it's important for them to hear your truth. Seek moments of calm and understanding, and try to create a space for dialogue rather than confrontation.

It’s also essential to build a support system beyond your family. Surround yourself with friends, mentors, or support groups who understand and affirm your relationship. This community can provide emotional strength and perspective, reminding you that you are not alone in facing these challenges.

Lastly, prioritize your emotional well-being. Engage in activities that bring you peace and joy, whether it's spending time with supportive friends, pursuing hobbies, or even seeking professional counseling. A therapist or coach can offer a safe space to explore your feelings and help you develop strategies to navigate this complex situation.

Remember, the decision about how to proceed must ultimately align with what brings you the most peace and fulfillment. Balancing love and family expectations is difficult, but staying true to yourself and your values is essential for long-term happiness.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7438 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 05, 2025

Money
Hello Sir, I am 44 years old man. I want to start SIP for my children, 6.5 years old daughter and 2.5 years old son. The objective is to secure their future and the funds can be used when they want to go for graduation/higher studies. I have shortlisted the following funds, please let me know if you recommend any changes. Thank you! 1-UTI Nifty50 Index Direct: Rs.2000 2-ICICI Prudential Nifty Next 50 Index Fund: Rs.2000 3-Canara Robeco Bluechip Equity Fund: Rs.2000 4-ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Fund: Rs.3000 5-Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund: Rs.2000 6-ICICI Prudential Equity & Debt Fund: Rs.3000 7-Quant Active Find: Rs.3000 8-SBI Contra Fund: Rs.3000 9-Nippon India small cap fund: Rs.3000 10-Nippon India ETF Gold BeES: Rs.2000
Ans: Creating a portfolio for your children’s future is a thoughtful and responsible step. Ensuring the right mix of funds can maximise returns, manage risks, and help achieve your financial goals effectively. Below is an evaluation of your selected portfolio, along with recommendations to streamline and optimise it.

Evaluating Your Portfolio
1. Too Many Funds
You have selected 10 funds, which might lead to over-diversification.
Over-diversification can dilute returns and make tracking difficult.
2. Balanced Allocation Missing
There’s a heavy tilt towards equity with insufficient diversification across asset classes.
Adding a debt component can provide stability and reduce volatility.
3. Index Funds
UTI Nifty50 Index Fund and ICICI Prudential Nifty Next 50 Index Fund:
Index funds lack flexibility and cannot outperform during bear markets.
Actively managed funds might be better for your long-term goals.
4. Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Exposure
Nippon India Small Cap Fund:
High risk but high return potential.
Retain for diversification but limit exposure to 10%-15% of your total investments.
5. Thematic and Contra Funds
SBI Contra Fund and Quant Active Fund:
Thematic and contra funds have niche strategies, making them riskier.
Retain only one if aligned with your risk appetite.
6. Gold ETF
Nippon India ETF Gold BeES:
Adds diversification and inflation protection.
However, limit allocation to 5%-10% of your portfolio.
Recommended Portfolio for Your Goals
1. Core Equity Allocation (60%-70%)
Focus on funds that provide long-term stability and growth.

Large-Cap Funds: Replace index funds with actively managed large-cap funds for better returns.
Flexi-Cap Funds: Retain Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund for its global diversification and balanced approach.
Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds: Retain one small-cap fund (Nippon India Small Cap Fund) for growth potential.
2. Hybrid Funds (20%-25%)
Include hybrid funds to balance equity and debt.

Retain ICICI Prudential Equity & Debt Fund for stability and moderate returns.
3. Gold (5%-10%)
Continue investing in Nippon India ETF Gold BeES for diversification.

Proposed Allocation
To streamline your portfolio, allocate investments more strategically:

Large-Cap Equity Fund: Invest Rs. 4,000 monthly in a strong actively managed large-cap fund like Canara Robeco Bluechip Equity Fund. Large-cap funds provide stability and consistent growth for long-term goals.

Flexi-Cap Fund: Continue investing Rs. 4,000 monthly in Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund. This fund offers global diversification and a balanced approach to equity exposure.

Small-Cap Fund: Retain Nippon India Small Cap Fund and allocate Rs. 3,000 monthly. Small-cap funds add high-growth potential but keep the exposure minimal to manage risk.

Hybrid Fund: Allocate Rs. 5,000 monthly to ICICI Prudential Equity & Debt Fund. This hybrid fund balances equity and debt exposure, providing stability with moderate growth.

Gold ETF: Continue Rs. 2,000 monthly in Nippon India ETF Gold BeES. Gold adds a hedge against inflation and enhances portfolio diversification.

Additional Recommendations
1. Debt Component for Stability
Consider short-term debt funds or liquid funds for low-risk capital appreciation.
These can be used for nearer-term educational needs like school fees.
2. Gradual SIP Increases
Increase SIPs by 10%-15% annually as your income grows.
This ensures your investments grow in tandem with inflation.
3. Portfolio Review and Rebalancing
Review your portfolio annually to evaluate performance.
Rebalance if any fund consistently underperforms for over 2-3 years.
4. Tax Planning
Retain an ELSS tax-saving fund to maximise tax benefits under Section 80C.
Final Insights
Your disciplined approach to securing your children's education is commendable. This revised portfolio offers a balanced mix of growth and stability. It ensures you can meet future education milestones confidently. Stay consistent, increase contributions periodically, and monitor performance regularly.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7438 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 04, 2025Hindi
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Money
I have 60 lakhs inr as retirement money.Where to invest to generate an income of 40000-50000 plus appreciate the capital and im what ratio to invest to save the capital in case of a rainy day?
Ans: To generate a monthly income of Rs. 40,000 to Rs. 50,000 while preserving and appreciating your retirement corpus of Rs. 60 lakhs, it is crucial to follow a balanced and diversified investment strategy. Here's a comprehensive plan that balances income generation, capital appreciation, and safety for rainy-day needs:

Investment Allocation for Income and Capital Growth
1. Fixed Income Instruments (30%-40%)
Objective: Stable monthly income and capital protection.

Options:

Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS): If you are 60+, invest up to Rs. 30 lakhs for quarterly payouts.
Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS): Offers reliable monthly income with low risk.
Bank Fixed Deposits (FD): Choose deposits with monthly interest payouts for stable cash flow.
Debt Mutual Funds: Consider high-quality short-term or dynamic bond funds for better tax efficiency and returns.
Approximate Allocation: Rs. 20-25 lakhs.

2. Equity Mutual Funds (40%-50%)
Objective: Long-term capital appreciation to counter inflation.

Options:

Balanced Advantage Funds (BAFs): Dynamically allocate between equity and debt for moderate risk.
Large Cap Funds: Focus on blue-chip companies for stability.
Multi-Cap Funds: Provide diversified exposure to large, mid, and small caps.
Approach: Start a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from equity funds after 3 years for tax-efficient income.

Approximate Allocation: Rs. 25-30 lakhs.

3. Emergency Fund (10%-15%)
Objective: Cover unforeseen expenses or emergencies.

Options:

Keep 6-12 months’ expenses in liquid funds or high-interest savings accounts.
Use short-term FDs or sweep accounts for easy access to funds.
Approximate Allocation: Rs. 6-9 lakhs.

4. Alternative Investment (Optional - 5%-10%)
Objective: Enhance portfolio diversification.

Options:

Gold ETFs/Sovereign Gold Bonds: Hedge against inflation and economic uncertainty.
Corporate Bonds or Non-Convertible Debentures (NCDs): Ensure AAA-rated for safety.
Approximate Allocation: Rs. 3-5 lakhs.

Monthly Income Strategy
Fixed Income Source: Use interest from SCSS, POMIS, and FDs for regular monthly cash flow.
Equity SWP: Start withdrawing Rs. 15,000-20,000 monthly after 3 years. This ensures tax efficiency and steady income.
Rainy-Day Protection
Maintain a liquid fund with Rs. 6-9 lakhs for quick access during emergencies.

Avoid locking too much in illiquid instruments like long-term FDs or property.

Points to Remember
Rebalance Annually: Review and adjust allocation to align with market conditions.
Tax Efficiency: Debt instruments like SCSS and POMIS are taxable. Equity funds offer LTCG tax benefits.
Inflation Adjustment: Reinvest surplus income to ensure your corpus grows with inflation.
Final Insights
A balanced mix of fixed income and equity can provide regular income and capital growth. Prioritise liquidity for emergencies while optimising tax efficiency. This approach ensures financial independence throughout retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |833 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jan 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 04, 2025Hindi
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Pushpa

Pushpa R  |39 Answers  |Ask -

Yoga, Mindfulness Expert - Answered on Jan 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 13, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hi Namita ji! I am a 41 yr old Male. I have always have too much of gas and keep passing odourless gas a lot through out the day. I have recently being diagnosed with early stages of ankylosing spondylitis. Please guide me. Also, is there any home medicines that I can take to relive from the gas.
Ans: Excessive gas can be caused by multiple factors, such as diet, gut health, or lifestyle habits. Since you've been diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis, inflammation might also be contributing to gut issues. Here are some tips to help manage gas and improve digestion:

Yoga Practices:
Pawanmuktasana (Wind-Relieving Pose): This pose helps release trapped gas. Lie on your back, hug your knees to your chest one at a time, and gently press them down toward your abdomen.
Vajrasana (Thunderbolt Pose): Sit on your heels immediately after meals to aid digestion.
Cat-Cow Pose: This gentle movement improves spinal flexibility and stimulates digestive organs.
Home Remedies for Gas:
Ajwain (Carom Seeds) and Black Salt: Mix 1 tsp of ajwain with a pinch of black salt. Consume with warm water.
Fennel Tea: Boil fennel seeds in water, strain, and sip after meals.
Ginger and Lemon: Mix grated ginger with a few drops of lemon juice and chew before meals.
Important Notes:
Avoid gas-triggering foods like beans, carbonated drinks, and fried items.
Maintain a regular meal schedule and eat smaller portions.
Consult a healthcare provider for dietary guidance and a yoga coach for safe practice tailored to ankylosing spondylitis.

Warm Regards,
R. Pushpa, M.Sc (Yoga)
Online Yoga & Meditation Coach
Radiant YogaVibes
https://www.instagram.com/pushpa_radiantyogavibes/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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