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Concerned Mother of Two - How Can I Help My Tenth Grader Focus on Studies?

Archana Deshpande | Answer |Ask -Follow

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Nov 18, 2024

Archana Deshpande, the founder of TransformMe Life Skills Coaching, is an image consultant, soft skills trainer and life coach.
She has been working with individuals and corporate organisations for more than 10 years during which she has helped professionals and students improve their soft skills, build confidence and enhance self-esteem.
An engineer from the PDA College of Engineering, Gulbarga, Archana had a successful career at Reliance Communications. But she has always been interested in teaching and training people. So she pursued a postgraduate diploma in teacher’s training at Pune’s Symbiosis Institute of Management Studies followed by teaching assignments in schools at Visakhapatnam and Mumbai.
Archana also holds an international certificate in image consulting and soft skills training from the Image Consulting Business Institute, Mumbai.... more

Question by revathi on Oct 24, 2024Hindi

hi mam ...i am a mother of two sons one in tenth grade and other in sixth grade.i used to be with my elder one for studies and younger one studies on his own but i will make sure he is learning and help him when he needs. Recently i arranged tuition for elder one and also i am sitting with him but i could not see any improvement on him.I live in a joint family with 91 yrs old fil and 80yrs mil.Since child hood i set routine works ,make him sure that he completes his work.Chasing him for everything make me me unhappy as he needs to learn to prioritize his thing ,his work, etc. Dily conflict is coming with him and we are always in conflict mode. Consulted few psychologist and astrology but all in vain.dont know how to make him to learn his tenth grade where life route takes place.

Ans: Dear Revathi,

You are doing so much my dear...take a break from everything for an hour everyday and focus on your well being and peace of mind. 20-20-20 rule for you, meditate for 20 mins, physical activity for 20 mins and connecting with nature for 20 mins( these are your mini breaks).
If you can add 10 mins of an activity which makes your heart joyful then 'sone pe suhaga'!! Self-care comes first, a happy and joyful mother, wife , daughter-in-law is great to have around the house. You are doing so much don't you think you deserve 1 hr for yourself? Without thinking too much , just go ahead and schedule self-care in your time table.

Now let's solve your son's issue...since childhood you have taught him how to do things, he is grown up enough to do things on his own. Until and unless you allow him to do things on his own, how will he learn to do?
DO NOT CHASE...DO NOT CRITICIZE....DO NOT NAG, tell him what to do once and wait for him to do. If he does it fantastic, else let him face the consequences. Every action has to have consequences.. for eg, not studying will lead to less marks, it's his failure, not yours, let him take ownership of his actions, you are preparing him for life, let him falter now and learn to get up. Be there for him when he falls, your job as a mom is to ensure he is healthy...emotionally and physically. (Keep the atmosphere at home happy because you have another son too, he is younger and needs your attention too)
It is his 10th Std, not yours. Keep telling the importance of studies and scoring well and the need to study consistently( again no nagging). He is grown up now, take him to a place without distractions and have heart to heart conversations as a mom and son. Conflicts are neither good for him nor to you/the entire home.
Trust me, parenting is not an easy job, you have to raise yourself, before you raise a child. It is not an easy world for your son too.....raging hormones, conflicting world, conflicting views....the world at the click of a button, you be his rock solid supporter and cheer leader, be there for your sons, create a loving and caring home, where they feel secure and happy. A mother knows best, trust your instinct( the mother's instinct), believe in yourself and your children!!

Wishing the very best to all of you.. and happy parenting!!