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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 26, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 25, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I was not all at studious till class 8.i used to rank hardly 45 th in a class of 50 students.Then in class 9,my teacher changed my section.When I went to the new section,I felt in love at first sight.This was my first love obviously (But one-sided).She was a topper and beautiful.I proposed her.She rejected me and told me that I am worthless and I have no future.I was very sad for 6-8 months.After that I decided to prove her that I am worthy and I can do something.I left everything (cricket,karate,dance, singing, drawing, swimming-I used to learn them but I left).I completely focused on to prove my love.I started studying for more than 10 hrs daily.I was just 8 marks behind her in my 10 boards.I cried a lot that I lost the battle.She became 6 th and I became 9 th in class in 10 th class.Then I gathered hopes again.This time I started studying as much as I could(14-16 hrs daily).I became 2nd in class 12 and she became 3rd.I got just 1 mark more than her.I know it's a great win.I have proven myself but I don't know why I can't move on from her.I have been in 4 relationship in 4 respective years (class-9 -10 -11 -12 respectively) but I am not finding any interest in these relationships.I am completely confused what is happening with me. Please tell me what should I do now.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I love how you took a negative comment on you and turned it into something so positive and productive. Though revenge is never the right approach, I must commend you for your dedication and for letting it be a driving force for something amazing. Now, coming to your question, why you are not being able to forget her? It's simple. You have let her words affect you and you are still holding on to it. As amazing as your results are, you seem happier to have beaten her than about your own success. I suggest focusing on yourself now. You did great! You deserve to be proud of yourself, for your efforts and achievements, not for achieving more than her. And one more thing, do you want to date someone who had such a low opinion of you? Is that how you see yourself? Trust me, you deserve someone who reciprocates your feelings and is proud of you. And about your relationships not working, you are still a kid. You have plenty of time to find the right relationship and when you do, it will work.

Best Wishes.

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Love Guru

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Hello Sir or Madam. Please keep me as anonymous only. Let me tell my story. I am 29 now. Work for an MNC for the past six years. From middle class family with big circle. Before going to speak out on my problem, let me tell my nature, how I was brought up, studies and attitude. Since we are middle class family with no financial crisis, I never seen ups and downs in Life accordingly. In the case of studies, I was topper at all levels of education till MBA from reputed institute. I was like love is trash n waste of time. When I used to hear all love stories, I used to feel pity on them. But I did maintain very good relationship with many, many girls (not GF type). But now I am going through the hell just because of one girl whom I was forcibly loved her and later I addicted to her with true love. During COVID I had to go WFH for two years. She visited her granny’s house and stayed back for few weeks. They live in Bangalore. I have never seen her face or noticed her during the time when she stayed. But she noticed, observed and enquired about me. So once she left to Bangalore, she sent FB request and I accepted. Immediately we have exchanged numbers and started texting ‘n’ talking. Initially I rejected her since she is eight years junior to me. Later she emotionally told once as she lost her father very recently and she just don’t want to go into depression again if I reject her. I got convinced and started loving truly. I replaced her father in her life which she used to tell. One day, she got caught by her brother while she was on call with me. Since we belong to different castes, they rejected me. She got house arrested. There was no connection between us. First time in life I fell into depression. I lost my job after just three weeks when she got separated from me. I was unable to speak anyone in the world. My family ‘n’ circle was afraid as I may do harm to myself for her. On December 16, 2021, I tried to commit suicide by writing a letter in laptop to her telling how I was missing her ‘n’ needed her. Took print and left to railway track to die. I took alcohol and was on the track. Someone rescued me and took me to hometown from Bangalore with PAN card address which was in my purse. Every day I was losing hope on my life. Finally I got call from her number in the first week of Jan. I was happy and cried like anything with her on call. She told that she would never leave me alone whatever happens ‘n’ who ever tries to separate us. Again, I took my energy ‘n’ hopes back and started job searching. There was 1 month gap again until Feb 8, 2022. After that she used to call me whenever it is possible. From March 15 to March 31, she kept fighting with me over call and spoken mercilessly. There was no kindness or love or concern on me. Again, I lost hope on my life. She kept asking me to stay away from her. She knew that I cannot initiate contact from my end, since she only should do whenever she able to do. Day by day, I am losing interest on my Life. I left the job. Now I’m alone with her thoughts and words spoken by her. My family n circle knew all this drama what’s going on. They hate me for losing self-respect for a girl. But I have never seen that girl as a girl. I am addicted to alcohol, day ‘n’ night drinking and surviving. I knew she won’t come back if I ruin my life like this by drinking ‘n’ all. But I just can’t control myself over her. The promises which she made me were gone... But still I stand for her, for what I promised. I begged the girl like anything not to leave me alone. I just can’t digest that she won’t be no more for me. N number of the times I used to tell her that You are my first priority over all in my life, like family, siblings, money, career and what not. Most of the times I told her that I’ll commit suicide for you if I come to know that you are not there for me. It doesn’t mean that I am an emotional fool who does not know how to live or unable to get another girl. But you have such significance in my life. I elaborated as much as I can. But she never listened me. I am just wonder where was her sweet words ‘n’ promises, what’s the reality now? I am upset with me -- where was original me and who I am now without self-respect. My parents ‘n’ siblings are forcing me to give up on her. As per them, she is just a golddigger and cheater without love and trust... My mind n heart never ever forgets her. Don’t know the future. But many times I pray God to kill me in sleep itself without pain so I can reach Venkateshwara... Entire world is against that girl, but I am defending her at every passing moment. Human beings invented many amazing things. My wish is we should be available with tablets or injection which can erase memories which belongs to particular person or for particular time in life... The real enemy to the human beings is LOVE.... Finally I am just waiting for my death... I knew that she won’t realise even if I die also. But I should sleep forever and ever just because for the crime I did love her.... Dear Bujji, it’s for you. I am also a human being as like U. As like your mother, even my mother has given birth to me. Finally, no words.... I am alone... Memories are hunting me.... chasing me... Love Guru, please publish this story as it is. Because someone may going through hell with similar story at least they will read the Q&A as well. Love Guru... I hate me... I do have all with me -- good health, 21 LPA job now, stabilised family and friends ‘n’ family circle... But this bloody struggling to get her love amongst the 7 billion people on this Earth... Love Guru, I feel that I lost. I am feeling low... I got cheated by her... Finally I am nothing to her. Dear readers, don’t think that why this fool is suffering for a girl like this.... I have seen her my GODDESS... Thank you... Have a nice day…
Ans:

You’ve needlessly wound yourself up over a silly girl.

You don’t even sound like you’ve had a physical relationship, it was only long distance, so what are you getting so out of joint for? A few intimate conversations with someone who said one thing but meant another?

If things in your life are spiralling so much out of control, I’d suggest therapy.

Stop drinking before it becomes a real problem. It sounds like you’re doing this to yourself deliberately, so that you receive some attention from her.

But the more you do this, the worse the situation will get. And no woman wants an out-of-control, desperate, alcoholic lover!

For heavens’ sake, man, get a hold of yourself and, if you can’t, then get the professional help you need. 

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
A bit long story I'm 21 student preparing for medical competative entrance exam for past 3 years (21-24).2 year ago this phase I was in a long distance relationship for 4 months with a girl I met in my class .But it didn't last long due to the problems created due to distance as she couldn't understand myself and I couldn't understand herself.so there was a misunderstanding and I couldn't hold on as I was in heavy pressure by exams and financial problems.so I couldn't handle and I felt like too early and broke up with her by losing my mind.she was completely disappointed as I didn't speak to her for more than an year due to one more year preparation.i missed her very much but I didnt tell her.I missed govt seat in border mark and the same year she got into a relationship with another guy in her class.i don't blame her. But I feel like my entire life is shattered and I couldn't move on from that girl till now.I couldn't concentrate on my career too.im kind of person who is always confident in all aspects but I have totally lost my mind .I can see that in an danger situation as age is running and family pressure, everyone of my classmates are far ahead of me I couldn't withstand this situation and couldn't make proper decision in any aspect. Mam please help me out.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand your concerns. The first step is to focus on moving on; she has, and you should too. Prioritize your career, your family, and your future. Next, what has happened to your career progress has already happened. It's unfortunate, but there's no way to change that. But give yourself a second chance; work harder and achieve greater things than you even imagined before. Trust me, you are not the only person who is standing in a situation like this. Many have, and many more will. But the ones who have passed this time will give you the same advice that I did.

Best Wishes.

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Knee Replacement- My doctor has advised me total knee replacement in right knee after examining X ray, as I am suffering from pain in right knee for last 12 months. Whether I have any options to avoid it or better to do to live pain free life after operation. I am worried about side effects, if any. Thanks Ganesh Surana
Ans: Dear Mr. Surana,
Thank you for your query. If your doctor has recommended a total knee replacement, it is likely based on the severity of your condition as indicated by the X-ray and your ongoing pain. However, you may still explore conservative options before deciding on surgery. I suggest consulting a physiotherapist for a comprehensive rehabilitation program. Physiotherapy can help strengthen the muscles around the knee, improve joint stability, and potentially reduce pain.
That said, your age and weight also play an important role in determining the best course of action. If you are overweight, weight management can significantly reduce stress on the knee joint and alleviate symptoms. Lifestyle changes, such as a tailored exercise regimen and a healthy diet, can also be beneficial.

If conservative measures don’t provide sufficient relief, total knee replacement may be the best option for living a pain-free life. It’s natural to be concerned about side effects, but modern surgical techniques and post-operative care have made the procedure highly effective and safe. Discuss all your concerns with your doctor and physiotherapist to make an informed decision.
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I AM HAVING UMBLICAL HERNEA PROBLEM.DOCOTR SUGGESTED ME TO BRING DOWN MY WEIGHT AND REDUCE FATTY BELLY BEFORE SURGERY.HE SUGGESTED ME TO WAIT FOR SURGERY TILL MY WEIGHT COMES DOWN FROM 92 KGS TO A REASONABLE LEVEL.PLEASE SUGGST ME WHAT EXERCISES i CAN DO TO ELIMINATE THE FAR BELLY WITHOUT DETERIORATING MY UMBLICAL HERNEA PROBLEM.PLEASE SUGGEST ME EXERCISES TO BRING DOWN MY BELLY. THANKS AND REGARDS. NVRSRINIVAS
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Thank you for your query. Weight reduction is a gradual process that requires consistent effort and a balanced approach. It is advisable to consult a physiotherapist and a nutritionist to guide you through this journey. Focus on a high-protein, low-carbohydrate diet to support weight loss while maintaining muscle mass. Ensure your meals are nutritious and create a calorie deficit.

For exercise, start with low-impact aerobic activities such as walking, cycling, or swimming, as these can burn calories without putting pressure on your hernia. Incorporate gentle core-strengthening exercises like pelvic tilts and side planks to build core stability without straining the affected area. If suitable, include short bursts of high-intensity workouts or moderate-intensity, long-duration activities such as brisk walking or light jogging to enhance endurance and fat loss. Additionally, light resistance training can help maintain muscle mass, but avoid exercises that strain your abdominal muscles or involve heavy lifting.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7363 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 22, 2024Hindi
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Money
I have lost money around 8 lakhs in gambling now i want to restart my life fresh i need to settle my debts and loan with bank and NBFCs is it possible to settle money at 70 percent waived off
Ans: Restarting your life after financial setbacks is possible with a disciplined approach. Settling your debts with banks and NBFCs requires a strategic plan, negotiation, and commitment. Here's a 360-degree approach to help you resolve your situation:

Assess Your Current Financial Position
List All Debts: Create a detailed list of all outstanding loans and debts, including principal, interest, and penalties.

Identify Income Sources: Calculate your monthly income and any other sources of funds.

Evaluate Essential Expenses: Identify non-negotiable expenses such as rent, food, utilities, and transport.

Determine Negotiable Debts: Focus on debts with higher interest rates or legal implications.

Negotiating with Lenders
Possibility of Settling at 70% Waiver
Banks and NBFCs Are Open to Negotiation: They prefer recovering some amount rather than declaring a loan as non-performing.

Settlement Terms Vary: Each lender may have unique policies. Some might agree to 70% waiver, but others may not.

Present Your Case Transparently: Show proof of your financial hardship. Explain your inability to pay in full.

Request a One-Time Settlement (OTS): Offer to pay a lump sum of the waived-off amount to close the debt.

Steps to Negotiate Effectively
Reach Out to the Right Department: Contact the collections or recovery department of your lender.

Seek Professional Help: A certified financial planner or debt resolution expert can negotiate on your behalf.

Prepare a Settlement Plan: Propose a realistic amount you can pay. Mention the sources for this payment.

Ask for Written Confirmation: Ensure the lender provides a formal agreement on the waived-off amount.

Negotiate for Reduced Interest and Penalties: Request removal of penalties and reduction of interest rates.

Managing Your Financial Obligations
Repayment Strategy
Prioritise High-Interest Loans: Focus on clearing loans with higher interest rates first.

Consolidate Debts: Consider consolidating multiple loans into one with a lower interest rate.

Use Liquid Assets Wisely: If you have savings or assets, use them to reduce your debt burden.

Building a Fresh Financial Foundation
Avoid Gambling and High-Risk Activities
Adopt Healthy Habits: Seek professional help if gambling is an addiction. Join support groups like Gamblers Anonymous.

Focus on Financial Literacy: Learn to manage your money effectively through courses or books.

Create a Budget and Emergency Fund
Track Income and Expenses: Use apps or spreadsheets to monitor your financial activity.

Save for Emergencies: Set aside 3–6 months of expenses as a safety net.

Restart Investments Gradually
Start with SIPs: Begin investing small amounts in mutual funds. Avoid direct stock trading initially.

Build a Retirement Corpus: Plan for long-term financial security systematically.

Final Insights
Rebuilding your life after a financial setback takes effort but is achievable. Focus on negotiating your debts transparently and settling them systematically. Learn from past mistakes and adopt disciplined financial habits. Restart your journey with renewed confidence and a commitment to avoid risky behaviours. Seek professional guidance when needed to make informed decisions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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