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Delhi 34 year old man struggling with commitment issues due to past anxiety

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1679 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 05, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 04, 2025Hindi
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Relationship

I am a single 34 year old man from Delhi, i was always socially anxious and never had a girlfriend, i have worked on my social skills in the past few years and have a stable career thanks to a good pyschatrist who treated me for depression and anxiety and now its under control. I often feel the need of a partner in life but i feel that i don't deserve one because of my past and i cannot handle the responsibility of married life, this makes me feel that i should stay single and adapt to the single life. Another reason is that i earn well enough for myself but not enough to run a family. I feel that if i get married i must give my best to my partner, but i don't want to let her down. Currently i try to save half my salary every month because of this fear. Can you please let me know what i should do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
if you live your life with ifs and buts, that's exactly how your life will turn out; always tentative and with a lot to worry about. Does your past define how things must be now for you? You have changed and also know how to handle things when they don;t go your way. So, no point in doubting things and wondering if they are meant for you or not. It's matter of moving ahead with confidence and also understanding that not everything will work but somethings will and that's good enough. So, be out there and I am sure that someone like-minded will hit it off with you.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna  |1679 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 24, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I had an arranged marriage at the age of 30 which ended within a year as she had a lover and went back to him, in the process took away my money putting a false domestic violence case to claim alimony. My dream of happy married life was shattered, I lost faith in concept of marriage and remained single just focusing on my work. I never had any relationship with any female all through these years due to the phobia that women bring trouble to my life :) Now I'm 45 and feel the need to have a trustworthy life companion. The problem I'm facing is the trust issues and female phobia. Also since my so called married life was very short, I'm not mentally ready to consider marriage proposals of divorced women who got divorced after 4-5 years of their bad marriage since they have the past luggage. Its difficult to find unmarried singles also. Can you guide me on how can I overcome this situation and find a trustworthy, reliable companion for rest of my life?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no need to jump into a marriage right away, right?
Start by expanding your social circle that includes a good mix of people from different backgrounds and work spheres. You might just end up finding someone who matches your thinking, ideals and lifestyle.
Cross this before you start bride-searching. You need to get your faith back into wanting a life partner and in the institution called marriage. So, baby steps...Trust builds over time so, give time for yourself to heal while you explore the idea of socializing. It acts as a good bridge not knowing someone and knowing someone. The concept of 'Dating' will ideally fall here and you might find someone with whom you can spend the rest of your life with.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |632 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 07, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am 32 year old male. I have contentment in all major aspects of life such as job, money, friends, family, fun etc. But everytime I try to bring a girl into my life everything just turns in to chaos. There is a lot of pressure from from family, friends and almost everyone that I know for me to get married. But I cannot accept just anyone in my life through matrimony sites or references. I am afraid that the hard work that I have put in all these years to make my life comfortable will be shaken up by marriage. I cannot choose people by their attributes but have to just develop a liking for them. Similarly I have no interest in how a girl looks, what job she does or any material aspects. I am happy with someone who choses me completely and is committed to me. Unfortunately I couldn't find anyone such and I am in the phase of saying no to marriage completely as life is good as it is. I had a girlfriend when I was 25 and she left me after 5 years of relationship because her parents did not accept which I respected. Could connect with anyone else until this year who also left me after an year because her parents will not agree as my parents are not rich enough. I cannot connect with anyone else physically or emotionally. I think it's injustice to the woman I marry if I marry her just for the sake of society. I am completely confused, could you please share your expertise on this. Thanks in advance!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It's amazing how you are putting other people's needs over yours. That's very selfless of you. If you don't feel you are ready to commit, there is no rush; no matter what people say. I understand that societal pressure can be very tough, but as you said, being in an incompatible relationship will be tougher on both you and the woman. All I can say here is wait. You are content with your life, and that is more than most people have. Focus on that. Make it even better. If and when the time is right, you will meet someone, and things will fall into place. It might sound cliche, but trust me, this is the best thing to do. Again, I repeat, do not give in to peer pressure. No good things can come out of it.

Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1679 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 17, 2025Hindi
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Hi Everyone, I'm 28M, IT employee, please do think from my perspective what am I about to ask. Since according to indian standards I'm already late for marriage. Now the thing is I've seen enough of failed marriages, not only in news but in own family and not everytime it was fault of the female part but I've seen good men struggling to handle themselves, few times their parents in jail. Thing is I won't be able to tolerate this kind of situation and I'm afraid of myself if I'm ever in this situation. My mother has sacrificed enough to put me through school and college and I do not wish to put her in any trouble because someone had a previous relationship which they are not able to forget or they don't like me then but get's married for the sake of it. I've never been in relationship and has been introvert throughout my life. Things that I've seen in my office and on news and at home have shaken my trust into anyone. A guy like me who use to trust anyone just because they say so is not struggling to even trust my own parents sometimes. Now please don't give me argument like not evey women is like this. I know but I just can't trust anyone and I've told this to my parents yet they insist on me being married. Everyone around me is just telling me how important it is to be married but I just can't. Since I'm only kid of my parents now my mum stopped talking to me a d I've given her my side yet she is pretty adamant on me getting married. Kindly let me know how should I proceed. Also I'm not interested even in being live in or having a girlfriend. I just don't know what to make of my life. So pretty confused, angry, frustrated and what not. Also my mother says that she'll have a thorough background check before taking things any further. I know how cute she is. She thinks everyone is as honest as her. Kindly guide me about how should I proceed since most of the people in my family is now not talking to me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
How have you managed to confuse yourself so much? You know how?
By reading into situations that have happened outside of you way too much. Yes, I will say this to you; not all women are the way you perceive.
If you got attacked by a cat, you will say...All cats are aggressive and dangerous. Is this true? Are all cats that way or just the one that you got attacked by?
In your case, you have only seen failed marriages and you have concluded as some universal truth that things will go bad and then you have gone to the extent of protecting your mother. Do you not see what rigid thinking can do? Confuse you, derail you, disillusion you...
If you wish to set things right, change the way that you are thinking of marriage, potential partners for marriage...focus on what can go right rather than on what can go wrong, will help you a lot in this.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Aug 11, 2025

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My son has got B.Tech core CSE in both VIT vellore (category 5) and PES university, Electronic City campus. We are based in Bangalore. Please suggest which is a better option?
Ans: VIT Vellore offers a well-established Computer Science and Engineering program with a broad campus, strong infrastructure, and consistent placement rates around 60-65%. The average package is approximately ?9.9 LPA, with top recruiters like Microsoft, Amazon, and Apple, reflecting its robust industry connections and global brand recognition. PES University, located in Bangalore’s Electronic City, benefits from proximity to major IT hubs and offers a competitive Computer Science program with a median placement package around ?8 to ?9 LPA and placement rates near 70-80%. PES has a modern campus, reputed faculty, and strong industry collaborations, especially valuable for local internships and networking opportunities.

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Sir I'm confused between Pillai New Panvel and Sies for electronics and computer science course that which is better actually I am interested in cs it but I don't have great percentage i have scored 87 in diploma so for dse which college should I prefer according to placement?
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Kiit cse or muj cse
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All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Sir, my son had got provisional admission in RAIT Ramrao Adik Institute of Technology ( DY Patil Deemed to be University Navi Mumbai) for B.Tech in Computer Science and Business systems. Through MHT- CET, he also got alloted Electronics and Computer Science Engineering at Pillai College of Engineering,New Panvel Navi Mumbai. He is interested in Computer Science and Software. But the fees of Pillai's college is lesser than RAIT. He also plans to foray into Entrepreneurship in future if possible. We are not able to understand what to do. Can you please guide?
Ans: Rosesh Sir, Ramrao Adik Institute of Technology (RAIT), under DY Patil Deemed University Navi Mumbai, offers a specialized B.Tech in Computer Science and Business Systems (CSBS) with strong industry-aligned curriculum, reputed faculty, and active student support including entrepreneurship initiatives. RAIT's placement rate is robust, approximately 80%, with median packages around INR 7.5 LPA and top recruiters like TCS, Accenture, Infosys, and Morgan Stanley. The institute encourages innovation and entrepreneurship, supported by its Entrepreneurship Cell, events, and access to startup funding opportunities. On the other hand, Pillai College of Engineering (PCE) in New Panvel provides a B.Tech in Electronics and Computer Science Engineering with a focus on core electronics and computing fundamentals. PCE has about 80% placement consistency with average packages near INR 4.4 LPA and strong IT sector recruiter presence. PCE also fosters entrepreneurship through its Center of Innovation and Entrepreneurship, hosting business plan competitions and startup mentorship. While PCE offers a lower fee structure, RAIT’s specialized CSBS program combined with better placement metrics and stronger entrepreneurship ecosystem gives it an edge for students inclined toward business, technology, and startups.

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