Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Shalini

Shalini Singh  |138 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Mar 27, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 26, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hi Shalini ji i am married since 2007 last 18 years my life was going very we'll and we both have good understanding and we both taking care of our family having two kids very well last year i come to know that before marriage my wife were having one male friend this male friends usually meet my wife at that time and gossips and even he taken her to visit on some locations 4 to 5 times as per my wife this friend was taken her to his room also 4 time but as they were good friends only so they just gossiping there as well as per my wife she had no any feeling with that guy but in between one day he asked her that he want to marry her , as per my wife he was telling him that he has been broken by his old girl friend and now since my wife listening him very carefully he started liking her , my wife still meeting him in between and go for outing at that time one day he asked to visit her home for marriage than my wife reject his proposal, after that this man gone out of station and than not met her, as per my wife telling me that i have not liked him and not having any feeling at that time and she telling that my 1st love is my husband only i am not able to decide anything now and not able to sleep properly not able to focus on me my health and my work i am vey shocked that the girl i love how she met with other man in past why she gone for outdoor and his room in past i am vey upset from last one year now and nkt able to find any Solution what to do now how to live life ahead pl guide me

Ans: Whilst I comment on dating and how to find your person, I will like to comment on this

1. basis of what you have shared you are overthinking and ruining what you have had since 18 years. your wife decided to stay with you and invest in the relationship with you is the fact that she cares for you and the relationship so stop being upset, be kind to yourself, her and the relationship.

on another note

2. marriage should not stop us from having close friends from the opposite gender.

3. if you are married, it means you are an adult which means if two adults consent to adultery its their responsibility to accept it. say if you are attracted to a woman and go all the way its not the woman who has lured you, both are in their senses and know what they are doing.

4. yes even after marrying or being in a committed relationship you can and will find others attractive and you will be found attractive to others. Its upto you and only you on how you wish to act if such a situation arises. As I shared you are an adult and someone who can not think but also overthink so you decide how to act in such a situation.
Asked on - Mar 27, 2024 | Answered on Mar 27, 2024
Listen
Thank you ???? my problem is that I can trust my wife that she told me that she was not liking that man but why she went with him outside and also why she went in his room for just gossiping they can chose any public place , as per my wife told me that nothing happened in room but sometimes I went in shock thinking if my wife telling me anything lie on this . How ro trust my wife words actually my very big problem now
Ans: Unfortunately you have not read my response in completion - the 1st point talks about how you may wish to address the issue, please read and comprehend what has been written. You are overthinking - and messing it for yourself. wishing you the best.
Asked on - Mar 27, 2024 | Answered on Mar 27, 2024
Listen
Ok thanks yes read the same pl help how to overcome on this overthinking problem within me how I can have beautiful life and better relationship again and happy life again
Ans: You need to help yourself, you need to talk to yourself to forget things...no one else can do it for you. Those who overthink usually have enough time in their hands, work in doing something productive in this 'overthinking time' - read a book, watch a fun movie with the wife, go for walks with the wife or without her, help her in the house , play board games as a family, learn yoga, join dance or painting classes together or solo.... You are responsible on how you behave and wish to lead your life. I may not be able to respond beyond this....however it will be nice to get an update after 30 days. All the best
Asked on - Mar 27, 2024 | Answered on May 23, 2024
Listen
Thank you
Ans: '

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 07, 2022

Listen
Relationship
Dear LG, Please don't disclose my name. I don't want to share my personal problems with others. I am 45 years old, married 13 years ago; my wife's age is now 38 years. I got two kids. My wife is pretty (she takes lot of care for her beauty) and I want to live simple. I kept faith on my wife so I didn't interfere in her life. From last four years, I am staying away from family (because of work I have shifted to other city, monthly once I go back , purchase everything, give money for expense and return to job). She keeps her mobile with security. Once, by mistake, I read her WhatsApp message. One of her office client was praising her pics and she was responding to him. So I told her, be official, don't entertain, if they fall behind you and we may face problem. She agreed but is doing the same thing and deleting his messages. Then I wanted to see what all things she does in WhatsApp. So her link I shared in my mobile and started reading her messages. She use to chat with one married person from last three years, she changed his name in her mobile and kept his wife's name. Three years back he proposed her with love song. My wife used to support him, sometimes she used to delete the messages. He knows all my family history. Whenever they get time, they used to talk each other in phone. Some messages I read, they were planning to meet also. She always come home very late, I didn't question her because I kept faith, but as I told you I have two kids in home. If she comes late, they are facing a problem (they stay alone until she comes back). Simultaneously she is chatting with another married friend. She says he is like a brother in front of me, but that person says baby, darling, dear, love, etc, in his conversation and forwarded some love songs and calling her for long drive. My wife replied some other day we will go. He replies, You always says same thing. I will become old one day. Then I was surprised and guided my wife indirectly. I told, don't entertain any person they may start to trouble you or if anybody troubling you please tell I will help you. We got two kids so we got lot of responsibility. She got a clue that I am reading her messages, so immediately she deleted all messages and after some days she deleted their numbers, along with that she deleted some other numbers also!  Why, I don't know. Once I told my son, beware, I can track you and tell where are you going and what are you doing. But from that day onwards, my wife is blocking her internet at 6 pm (when her office closes) and unblocking when she returns home. I am worried regarding this behaviour. I have stopped reading her messages now. But now I am feeling very uncomfortable because her behaviour is very soft with me, (previously she was very aggressive, she used to fight with me unnecessarily.) Please guide me how to handle the situation. What can I do now? Sometimes I feel I should leave everything go somewhere or is it a punishment for marrying a pretty girl? What to do? Please guide how handle the situation. Regards.
Ans:

So, in a nutshell, you think your wife was flirting behind your back, you dropped some hints and then she has either stopped, or then stopped you from spying on her phone.

First of all, why are you dropping hints to her instead of talking straight? Which husband is going to appreciate his wife being wooed by other men with all this darling-baby love talk?

Even if she’s not having an affair, the flirty behaviour is bound to make you uncomfortable. Don’t you think you should call her out on it instead of pretending like some other man is making her uncomfortable?

Clearly, she’s enjoying the attention!

You seem very timid and intimidated by your wife. And if her behaviour has changed toward you for the better because you suspect she is guilty of something, all the more reason to get to the bottom of it!

Stop playing games and pussyfooting around her. Do some straight-talking for a change instead of going behind her back and reading messages!

And FYI, being good-looking doesn’t give any spouse licence to make their partner insecure!

 

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |450 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 23, 2023

Listen
Relationship
My name is Rajesh, I am 50 year old 4years back I got to know that my wife is in relationship with someone and after inqiuring in detail I found that, that was her second relationship. Earlier relationship was broken 1 year before. and she told me all herself when I ask on condition that if she didnt tell me I may take dicision of breaking. so sho told me everything without hiding. she is telling me that she still loves me. Arter that she stoped all contacts but after a year she strated developing contacts with facebook messenger and developed one more relationship with one FB friend. again when I got to know she stoped contacting him. this time ther was no physical relationship, but she admitted that he once kissed her. the boy tried to contact her in all ways but she somehow stopped this matter. I love my wife very much. I forgive her every time. three year passed now all this year she was not going outside alone without me. but in these days I also insisted her to go out, and she started going to yoga class where she used to go early and she is very happy now days. I dont know whether I am doing correct or not, some time I still have dought in my mind whether she will start again doing affairs. I am some times afread, dont know what to do. whether I should still continue trusting and loving my wife or what. we have one son age 16 now. I am confuesd sometimes but till date happiness is maintained in the family. But I am feeling lonely somtimes. what to do?
Ans: Dear Rajesh,

I can understand it is an impossible situation for you but this too shall pass. First things first, are you happy in a relationship that involves cheating, not once, but twice and who's to say there won't be a third? Ask yourself that. If the answer is no, it is quite understandable, but if it's yes, then why? Why would anyone be happy with a partner who cheats over and over again? Why do you think you deserve such a life? Granted, relationships are not all rainbows and butterflies all the time, but they should not look this grim either. You alone have kept it going for this long, and maintained harmony by accepting your partner's infidelity time and again; ask yourself what would happen if you allowed yourself to stop. You can stop tolerating it, you know?

The question isn't how you should deal with your partner who is evidently a repeat cheater. The question is how you should deal with the situation and why are you reacting in a way that almost makes me think that you believe you deserve such a relationship. As for your kid, divorce or separation has much less effect on a child than a broken marriage with two unhappy parents.

If you still want to continue, that is also okay. To each their own, but don't forget to ask yourself what are you staying in this marriage for; your kid, societal pressure, or is it unconditional love for your wife, who, by the way, does not reciprocate the same for you.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |450 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 07, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am 40 year old and married for 14 years but what happened in 2011 was me n my wife was working in a same company and my wife became close to a colleague on the same floor we work. She was very friendly n one day her colleague proposed her via her friend my wife didn't tell me n she felt very excited about it and after she became very friendly with him after few days she was ignoring me and she expressed her feelings too.but soon she realised she is going wrong and i noticed her changed behaviour and soon she started ignoring tht guy but he came n offered her chocolate and my wife informed me saying this guy's intentions I ask her to tie raakhi she tried but he was running away later we logged out she asked me to stop him and I forced him to him to tie raakhi and my wife was tying and he said I love u. I gve a tight slap to tht guy. Soon after he left the job. We were still working and left the office n joined different companies.after 6 months she went to same office for 2 months. And suddenly she left the job.Now after 12 years her TL met with my ex colleague and shared he working in tht office my colleague asked hey in tht same office my friend was working with his wife and her TL said ohh yeah his wife had n affair with other guy and he asked his wife to raakhi. And my ex colleague called me n said the same to me and since then I have so many doubts on my wife and after few days she confessed she had feelings for him and she already knew he likes her and she said it was just a feeling. Now we are having difference between us. Please help what can be done now I'm getting disturbed alot. 12 years this was secret.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear that you are facing such issues. Doubt is very destructive in a relationship. It's important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner regarding what happened in the past. Don't push her to give you all the details; it will not contribute positively to your well-being. Aim for a more balanced and productive discussion.

You have to recognize that all these happened many years back. It's in the past. And you cannot change it. While it's essential to acknowledge and understand them, dwelling on them may impact your peace of mind. Focus on the present and try to build a more transparent and communicative relationship in the present. Take this opportunity to work together and strengthen your marriage.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |741 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Listen
Money
What happens when a Mutual Fund company shuts down / gets sold off?
Ans: Hello;

If a mutual fund company gets sold or fails, the process is prescribed by SEBI:

In case MF company is Sold,
The new fund house may:
1. Continue the scheme with a new name and management.

2. Merge the scheme with similar funds and offer investors the option to exit without any exit load.

In case MF company shuts down,
The fund house will:
1. Pay out investors based on the fund's last recorded Net Asset Value (NAV) and the number of units the investor holds, after deducting expenses.

2. If the company is not in a position to do so then SEBI may liquidate the funds assets and distribute the proceeds to unit holders.

It is also pertinent to note that mutual fund regulation in India is one of the most stringent and hence best, from investor's point of view, globally.

This is not just in theory. We have seen how the Franklin Templeton abrupt closure of debt funds was handled with surgical precision, by SEBI, with no loss to unitholders.


Skin in the game regulation mandates that 20% salary of key mutual fund personnel and fund managers is paid in terms of units of their funds with a 3 year lock-in.

The stocks and bonds purchased by the AMC for the fund are held by a custodian, appointed by the trust that administers the fund.

The trust engages into a investment management agreement with the AMC for managing the fund as per their mandate and within regulatory guidelines.

Registrar and Transfer Agents handle the investor registration,kyc, maintaining records, providing account and tax statements etc.

Happy Investing;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |450 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 03, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello, my wife is Ugandan and I’m of English national, 30 years old and she’s 26, we met nearly a year ago and got married in uk with some of her friends and small family. We haven’t done kuchala (not sure if that’s correct spelling) yet and I’m feeling anxious for when the time comes. She said her family will kneel when they greet me and being white this is already stinging my moral (due to history). I also talked about moving in together before the meet the parents happen however she says she’s rather move in after? Currently this could take two years before going to Uganda, how should I proceed without overstepping her cultural beliefs as after all we are married and by my culture we should already be living together
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is very nice of you to be so considerate and sensitive while handling these cultural nuances. Let's discuss the kneeling tradition. It's a sign of respect and it's deeply rooted in Ugandan culture. While I understand your point of view, you also have to remember that it can have significant meaning to her and her family. I suggest you politely express your feelings and let her know why it is uncomfortable for you to see her family kneel. When you explain, mention how much her culture means to you as well. I am sure both of you can communicate and come to a compromise that makes you both happy. Just in case, they persist in following the ritual, just look at it as a gesture of love and respect and not submission.

About the moving in together part, in certain parts of the world, couples living together before the traditional wedding is not considered respectful. But since you are already married, you can try explaining to your wife how the living situation does not go against her cultural expectations. But if it is a really big deal for her and her family, consider seeing it from her perspective.

Communication is everything here. Look at every problem as a team; it's not your problem vs her problem. It's both of you vs the problems.

I hope this helps

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x