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Is My Marriage Over? My Wife Is Talking to Her Ex-Boyfriend and Planning a Trip With Him

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 29, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Madam I am married in 2011 with blessed by 2 kids. our marriage was arrange and before our marriage we talk around 9 months together recently in July I got a news from my close relative that my wife is talking with EX Boyfriend with the help of his sister. I really shocked and sad when I listen this. she also planning to go outside of city with him for 10 days. The person is friendly with his mother side family also. my wife never talks with me for 1 months. After this what should I do .

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This must be addressed and quickly as well. Where is your wife's mind at? What is her sister doing in all of this? What makes your wife leave her family and go on this trip?
Ask her, listen to her...reasoning out may not be the best option as she's surely got her emotions invested in this guy; so tread carefully...you need to lure your wife back, so do not do anything to make her jump into his arms, but do what is needed to make her look back and find her bearings back with her family.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 20, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi. I am married and its our 17th year into marriage. Myself 40 yrs and my wife 37 yrs, we have 2 kids. I am working abroad and my wife is working near our home in india itself. Recently my son found that my wife is seeing her senior co worker who is also married and having 2 kids. They were sending romantic messages. My son got shocked and immediately informed me and was very furious. I too got shocked and inquired my wife. She apologized and said that she got attracted and carried away. Also it was just chatting and nothing happened between them. they were chatting for nearly 7 months. In between that man had visited my home too. I love my wife a lot and couldnt believe she betrayed me. As i am working abroad i couldnt judge how long and serious this affair was. I couldnt travel immediately also. She pleaded and still going to the same job citing her career and for kids life. I couldnt sleep and terribly confused as how to handle this and proceed further. I couldnt share to my family also.
Ans: Oh my dear Anonymous, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult situation. Infidelity can be a painful experience, and it's understandable that you're feeling confused and hurt. Dealing with such matters requires careful consideration and communication.It's normal to feel a range of emotions such as anger, sadness, confusion, and betrayal. Allow yourself the space to come to terms with what has happened before making any major decision. Discuss your feelings, concerns, and expectations moving forward with your wife clear;y being open and honest is what i feel is most important. Discuss and establish clear boundaries regarding communication with the other person. Also you have children, consider how this situation may affect them. It's essential to provide a stable and supportive environment for them. Depending on the circumstances, you may want to involve them in the conversation or shield them from the details, depending on their age. Remember, the decision on how to proceed ultimately rests with you. Seeking the assistance of a professional counselor or therapist can be valuable in navigating the complexities of infidelity and rebuilding trust. It's crucial to prioritize your emotional well-being and make decisions that align with your values and goals for the future.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |599 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 07, 2023Hindi
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I am 40 year old and married for 14 years but what happened in 2011 was me n my wife was working in a same company and my wife became close to a colleague on the same floor we work. She was very friendly n one day her colleague proposed her via her friend my wife didn't tell me n she felt very excited about it and after she became very friendly with him after few days she was ignoring me and she expressed her feelings too.but soon she realised she is going wrong and i noticed her changed behaviour and soon she started ignoring tht guy but he came n offered her chocolate and my wife informed me saying this guy's intentions I ask her to tie raakhi she tried but he was running away later we logged out she asked me to stop him and I forced him to him to tie raakhi and my wife was tying and he said I love u. I gve a tight slap to tht guy. Soon after he left the job. We were still working and left the office n joined different companies.after 6 months she went to same office for 2 months. And suddenly she left the job.Now after 12 years her TL met with my ex colleague and shared he working in tht office my colleague asked hey in tht same office my friend was working with his wife and her TL said ohh yeah his wife had n affair with other guy and he asked his wife to raakhi. And my ex colleague called me n said the same to me and since then I have so many doubts on my wife and after few days she confessed she had feelings for him and she already knew he likes her and she said it was just a feeling. Now we are having difference between us. Please help what can be done now I'm getting disturbed alot. 12 years this was secret.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear that you are facing such issues. Doubt is very destructive in a relationship. It's important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner regarding what happened in the past. Don't push her to give you all the details; it will not contribute positively to your well-being. Aim for a more balanced and productive discussion.

You have to recognize that all these happened many years back. It's in the past. And you cannot change it. While it's essential to acknowledge and understand them, dwelling on them may impact your peace of mind. Focus on the present and try to build a more transparent and communicative relationship in the present. Take this opportunity to work together and strengthen your marriage.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |161 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Mar 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Shalini ji i am married since 2007 last 18 years my life was going very we'll and we both have good understanding and we both taking care of our family having two kids very well last year i come to know that before marriage my wife were having one male friend this male friends usually meet my wife at that time and gossips and even he taken her to visit on some locations 4 to 5 times as per my wife this friend was taken her to his room also 4 time but as they were good friends only so they just gossiping there as well as per my wife she had no any feeling with that guy but in between one day he asked her that he want to marry her , as per my wife he was telling him that he has been broken by his old girl friend and now since my wife listening him very carefully he started liking her , my wife still meeting him in between and go for outing at that time one day he asked to visit her home for marriage than my wife reject his proposal, after that this man gone out of station and than not met her, as per my wife telling me that i have not liked him and not having any feeling at that time and she telling that my 1st love is my husband only i am not able to decide anything now and not able to sleep properly not able to focus on me my health and my work i am vey shocked that the girl i love how she met with other man in past why she gone for outdoor and his room in past i am vey upset from last one year now and nkt able to find any Solution what to do now how to live life ahead pl guide me
Ans: Whilst I comment on dating and how to find your person, I will like to comment on this

1. basis of what you have shared you are overthinking and ruining what you have had since 18 years. your wife decided to stay with you and invest in the relationship with you is the fact that she cares for you and the relationship so stop being upset, be kind to yourself, her and the relationship.

on another note

2. marriage should not stop us from having close friends from the opposite gender.

3. if you are married, it means you are an adult which means if two adults consent to adultery its their responsibility to accept it. say if you are attracted to a woman and go all the way its not the woman who has lured you, both are in their senses and know what they are doing.

4. yes even after marrying or being in a committed relationship you can and will find others attractive and you will be found attractive to others. Its upto you and only you on how you wish to act if such a situation arises. As I shared you are an adult and someone who can not think but also overthink so you decide how to act in such a situation.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
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Hi.. good evening.. i want your advise.. we are married for 6 months now and we had a arranged marriage. My mistake was not informing my wife about my past relationship which we had broken up badly and immediately after my marriage my ex girlfriend shared our pictures with my wife purposefully and she got upset with that and me and my family convinced my wife that i have broken up with her and i dont have any contact with her and it is true and i am loyal to my wife. Everthing was normal after that and 2 months passed and i observed that my wife is in regular contact with a guy on phone whom she calls friend and talks to him daily. I confronted this to her and she told that he is just her freind and he had helped her before during her difficult times. Again this continued and i asked her to stop contacting him daily and even though he is a friend what is the point in talking to him daily and she just cried telling that i am controlling her and she feels like she has no freedom and is in jail and i am not allowing her to talk to her friends. After this she limited her talks with him and seemed fine by me as it is just a friendly casual talks 2 to 3 times a week. One day she asked me reply to one of her emails and wanted to upload some file. While i went to upload i had access to her google photos and i was shell shocked to see lots of photos of her with this guy whom she calls friend and in close proximity. Also there are pictures of them dated 3 to 4 years back and also the most hurting part is the pictures of her with him after our marriage as well. She had told me that they have a college get together and reunion and she had went with him on that day and stayed overnight as well. I was literally shocked by this and confronted her immediately and then she told me that she was in relationship with him and her parents did not agree so couldnt marry him and even he also cancelled many marriage proposals because of her and she betrayed him and happily married now with me while he is still not married and she feels guilty as all this happened to him because of her and so she talks to him daily and she can only feel ok once he is married. I told her she has to stop talking to him if we want to keep this marriage.. she tells me if i leave her she is dead as even her parents wont accpet her and also he (her ex boyfriend) will not accept her and she says she has nowhere else to go.. she still cares for me though but i dont know what else to do.. she still talks to him 2 to 3 times a week... please advise how to go about this
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your wife was never into this marriage and it became convenient for her to pursue a link with her ex-boyfriend once she found out about your past.
Everything that she does now being justified. You are right in putting your foot down, but have you seen a favorite toy being snatched away from a child? The need for that toy only gets stronger.
The way that you can counter this is by showering her with a lot of care and attention as I do gather that the two of you want this marriage. You want it as you are in love with your wife, she wants it as she has nowhere to go. Fair enough! The reasons right now might not be the same BUT someday with much love going into the relationship, the two of you can be on the same path.

Now, the question is: Are you willing to wait and pour more into the relationship? She will waver for a while going back and forth between you and that guy; it will hurt you...There will be a lot of anger and perhaps feelings of inadequacy in you, BUT you know that it's not the case. Can you persist on this journey? I sincerely believe that somewhere along the way, she is bound to stick by you when she realizes the stability that you can offer and that the sheen out there will wear out. Possible? Are you willing? If you are, go for it...Love, care, stability, security is something that is core in any marriage...be a part of it!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Janak

Janak Patel  |45 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jun 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2025
Money
Hi I am 32 years old working in IT, I want to retire from IT. I have a monthly expenses of 50k, 10L in bank and 12L in stocks. My question is: 1) what is the corpus amount to meet my monthly expenses? (Generate a revenue to cover my monthly expenses while corpus being invested in FD. considering inflation, and with the life expectancy 70 years) 2) at what age I can safely retire?
Ans: Hi,

Your current savings/investment of 22L will support your expenses for only a few years at this time.

Today if you wish to retire, you will need over 2 crores in FD earning 7% returns to last for your life expectancy of 70 years.

I recommend you focus on saving and investing across different asset classes to maximize your corpus over time. Different asset classes like equity, debt, gold etc can provide you well diversified option to generate wealth and provide stability and liquidity.

FDs are a safe option but its safety net if not going to cover your whole corpus if the bank fails.

Understand the potential, risk and returns of different asset classes and considering the long time period you have, you can save over the next 10-15 years and then plan retirement once your retirement corpus is accumulated.
Mutual funds are a good option to consider as they cover few asset classes and are easy to manage and track.

The retirement corpus depends on the time period post retirement and the expense you plan to cover from it. Accumulating that corpus also needs a plan and commitment to save/invest on a regular basis.

Thanks & Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8859 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 05, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 05, 2025
Money
I am a retired person age 63. I need financial assistance as to how to use my funds. I have sold an property in July 2024 and kept an amount of Rs. 35L in capital gain account. As per inflation rate calculation, I have sold this properly in loss and there should be no tax deduction. Can I withdraw this fund and use in some other means Please advice. I have other savings. Approx. 34L are there in MF, I have a monthly SIP of Rs.16K. I have a PPF savings of Rs. 28L. I have approx. 7L in SB account. I have a LIC policy for which I shall get a lumpsum amount of approx. 12L in 2028. I have a plan to purchase a property in Delhi for Rs. 90L-1Cr. I also need some monthly income for monthly expenses. Please advice how I can use these funds for better benefits etc. and a monthly return for daily hope expenses.
Ans: You have built a respectable portfolio post-retirement. It shows you have taken prudent decisions in the past. Now the focus should be on creating monthly income, managing risks, and making sure your funds are used wisely without stress. Let us go step-by-step to build a clear plan for you.

Capital Gains Account – What You Can and Cannot Do
You deposited Rs. 35 lakhs in a capital gains account in July 2024.

You believe the sale was at a loss after adjusting for inflation.

Capital Gain Account Scheme is meant only for buying or constructing a house.

Funds must be used within 2 years (for purchase) or 3 years (for construction).

If you don’t use the amount within the allowed time, it is treated as capital gain.

You may be taxed on it in the year when the deadline ends.

Even if you made a loss, the income tax department needs documentation to accept it.

If you wish to withdraw this money for other uses, you must close the account formally.

You must submit Form G to your bank, explaining why you want to withdraw.

If you do not use this money for property purchase, it may be taxed.

Please speak to a chartered accountant for exact tax impact before withdrawal.

Avoid using this fund until you have tax clarity and proper documentation.

Your Monthly Income Requirement – First Focus Area
As a retired person, your priority is monthly income and capital safety.

Let us assume you need Rs. 35,000–40,000 per month for living expenses.

This amount must come from interest or investment income, not from selling assets.

You currently have SIP of Rs. 16,000/month and Rs. 34 lakh in mutual funds.

You can start a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from these mutual funds.

Start with Rs. 25,000 monthly withdrawal for the next 6–12 months.

The SIP can continue at Rs. 16,000 if cash flow allows.

Top up the balance Rs. 10,000–15,000 monthly from your savings account.

If needed, use PPF interest, which is tax-free, to manage shortfall.

Your Savings Account – Ideal Usage Strategy
Rs. 7 lakh in your savings account is good but should not stay idle.

Shift Rs. 4 lakh to a short-term debt mutual fund or liquid fund.

Keep Rs. 3 lakh as emergency fund in savings for medical or urgent needs.

Don’t keep all in one bank. Use 2 banks if needed for safety.

Mutual Funds Portfolio – Core Strategy and Monthly Income
Rs. 34 lakh in mutual funds is a strong base.

Continue with only regular plans via MFD who is also a CFP.

Avoid direct funds. They don’t provide guidance or timely review.

You need periodic rebalancing based on your retirement age and market cycle.

Use actively managed balanced advantage and hybrid funds.

These provide equity growth with stability and lower downside risk.

Withdraw using SWP from these funds to generate regular income.

Start with 4–5% annual withdrawal. Increase slowly if needed.

Avoid index funds. They just copy the market and offer no risk control.

In falling markets, actively managed funds protect capital better.

Your Certified Financial Planner can guide which funds to choose and exit.

PPF – How to Use the Rs. 28 Lakhs Safely
You have Rs. 28 lakh in PPF. It is 100% tax-free and safe.

Do not withdraw unless very urgent.

PPF earns steady interest every year without risk.

You can extend PPF in 5-year blocks with or without fresh contributions.

Use it as a reserve to support health care or large expenses.

Don’t touch this for property investment unless no other option exists.

LIC Policy – Planning the Maturity in 2028
You will receive Rs. 12 lakh in 2028.

This can be a good future buffer for medical or long-term care.

LIC returns are usually lower than mutual funds.

Once you receive the maturity, shift the amount to mutual funds.

Start a fresh SWP from this amount in 2029, if needed.

Don’t invest this lump sum again in insurance products.

Real Estate Purchase Plan – Review It Carefully
You are planning to buy a property worth Rs. 90 lakh to Rs. 1 crore.

Please think twice before locking big money in real estate.

Real estate gives zero liquidity and high maintenance cost.

Selling real estate later can be slow and stressful.

Rental income is not guaranteed and is often low compared to invested corpus.

You will be forced to withdraw from mutual funds or PPF for down payment.

This will reduce your income-generating assets.

Instead of buying, consider staying on rent.

This will keep your money free, accessible, and invested.

In case of emergency or health issues, liquid investments help more.

Buying property now will break your cash flow and lower monthly income.

Think from a cash flow view, not emotional attachment.

Suggested Investment Allocation from Available Corpus
Rs. 35 lakh: Keep in CGAS till you get tax clarity.

Rs. 34 lakh in Mutual Funds: Keep 75% in hybrid and 25% in large-cap funds.

Rs. 28 lakh PPF: Keep untouched. Extend for 5 years post-maturity.

Rs. 7 lakh in SB: Keep Rs. 3 lakh in savings. Shift Rs. 4 lakh to debt funds.

Rs. 12 lakh LIC maturity: Plan to move to mutual funds in 2028.

Emergency and Health Safety – Must for Seniors
Health costs are unpredictable.

Ensure you have a health insurance of Rs. 10–15 lakh with good hospitals covered.

Don’t depend only on savings for health expenses.

You can keep Rs. 5 lakh in liquid funds only for health emergencies.

Also keep one family member informed of your accounts and investments.

Key Investment Mistakes to Avoid at This Stage
Don’t invest in ULIPs, endowment plans, or pension-linked policies now.

Don’t go for annuity schemes. Returns are very low and taxable.

Avoid fixed deposits for long term. Interest is taxable and eroded by inflation.

Don’t follow friends’ tips or invest in trends blindly.

Do not invest based on emotions or fear of missing out.

Focus on regular monthly return and capital safety, not risky growth.

Finally
You have done well in building assets before retirement.

The next goal is to convert your assets into reliable monthly income.

Do not rush into buying real estate. Keep cash flow strong and flexible.

Focus on mutual fund-based SWP for income and keep PPF as reserve.

Use a Certified Financial Planner to manage fund review and tax planning.

Avoid unnecessary complications and risky options.

Stay invested wisely. Protect your retirement with safe, planned income.

Regular check-ins and fund reviews every 6 months will help adjust your plan.

With good planning, you can enjoy peace, safety, and dignity in retirement.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Janak

Janak Patel  |45 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jun 05, 2025

Money
I AM 80 YEARS OLD AND STILL WORKING AS A Consultant AND EARNING RS.1.5 LAKHS PER MONTH. I HAVE A CORPUS OF 182 LAKHS CONSISTING OF MF/ FD/ AND STOCKS. I CONTEMPLATE RETIRING IN 6 MONTHS. REQUEST PL.SUGGEST IF MY CURRENT CORPUS WILL SUFFICE UNTIL AGE OF 95. MY MONTHLY EXPENSES ARE RS.50000.00. I HAVE NO LIABILITY AND MY WIFE IS THE ONLY DEPENDENT. SELF AND WIFE ARE CO.VERED UNDER MEDICLAIM.AWAITING UR VALUED OPINION
Ans: Hi Sivaramakrishnan,

Congratulations on having an active working life at the age of 80.

For your monthly expenses of Rs 50000 and assuming an inflation of 7% over the next 15 years, you require approx. Rs 85 lakhs (today).

You already have Rs 182 lakhs (not including any further savings over the next 6 months) invested across MF/ FD/ and STOCKS.

I recommend you have a systematic withdrawal plan from your investments for your annual expenses.
Depending on how you have spread your investments, you can decide on the approach.
For MFs - its simple to do a SWP for an amount each month.
For FDs - you may need to liquidate them, so instead of breaking them, plan to use them at their maturity if its within six months of your requirement. if the maturity is long term, and you have a need then you may need to liquidate. Also check if there is an option to make them Sweep-in type FD, which means that when your account has less balance, it will move money from FD to account. Discuss with your bank on options available to you.
For Stocks - You can decide when to liquidate them. If you wish to move away from stocks, then you can consider investing in so hybrid Mutual fund schemes considering your time horizon.

Overall you will be looking to grow approx. Rs 1 crore over the next 15 years and this can grow to an amount of Rs 3 crores at 8% returns.

So your current corpus is more than sufficient and even if you increase your monthly expenses, you will have a surplus after 15 years.
Happy retirement and a healthy life ahead.

Thanks & Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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