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Is My Marriage Over? My Wife Is Talking to Her Ex-Boyfriend and Planning a Trip With Him

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1342 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 29, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Madam I am married in 2011 with blessed by 2 kids. our marriage was arrange and before our marriage we talk around 9 months together recently in July I got a news from my close relative that my wife is talking with EX Boyfriend with the help of his sister. I really shocked and sad when I listen this. she also planning to go outside of city with him for 10 days. The person is friendly with his mother side family also. my wife never talks with me for 1 months. After this what should I do .

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This must be addressed and quickly as well. Where is your wife's mind at? What is her sister doing in all of this? What makes your wife leave her family and go on this trip?
Ask her, listen to her...reasoning out may not be the best option as she's surely got her emotions invested in this guy; so tread carefully...you need to lure your wife back, so do not do anything to make her jump into his arms, but do what is needed to make her look back and find her bearings back with her family.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |441 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 07, 2023Hindi
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I am 40 year old and married for 14 years but what happened in 2011 was me n my wife was working in a same company and my wife became close to a colleague on the same floor we work. She was very friendly n one day her colleague proposed her via her friend my wife didn't tell me n she felt very excited about it and after she became very friendly with him after few days she was ignoring me and she expressed her feelings too.but soon she realised she is going wrong and i noticed her changed behaviour and soon she started ignoring tht guy but he came n offered her chocolate and my wife informed me saying this guy's intentions I ask her to tie raakhi she tried but he was running away later we logged out she asked me to stop him and I forced him to him to tie raakhi and my wife was tying and he said I love u. I gve a tight slap to tht guy. Soon after he left the job. We were still working and left the office n joined different companies.after 6 months she went to same office for 2 months. And suddenly she left the job.Now after 12 years her TL met with my ex colleague and shared he working in tht office my colleague asked hey in tht same office my friend was working with his wife and her TL said ohh yeah his wife had n affair with other guy and he asked his wife to raakhi. And my ex colleague called me n said the same to me and since then I have so many doubts on my wife and after few days she confessed she had feelings for him and she already knew he likes her and she said it was just a feeling. Now we are having difference between us. Please help what can be done now I'm getting disturbed alot. 12 years this was secret.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear that you are facing such issues. Doubt is very destructive in a relationship. It's important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner regarding what happened in the past. Don't push her to give you all the details; it will not contribute positively to your well-being. Aim for a more balanced and productive discussion.

You have to recognize that all these happened many years back. It's in the past. And you cannot change it. While it's essential to acknowledge and understand them, dwelling on them may impact your peace of mind. Focus on the present and try to build a more transparent and communicative relationship in the present. Take this opportunity to work together and strengthen your marriage.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |138 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Mar 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Shalini ji i am married since 2007 last 18 years my life was going very we'll and we both have good understanding and we both taking care of our family having two kids very well last year i come to know that before marriage my wife were having one male friend this male friends usually meet my wife at that time and gossips and even he taken her to visit on some locations 4 to 5 times as per my wife this friend was taken her to his room also 4 time but as they were good friends only so they just gossiping there as well as per my wife she had no any feeling with that guy but in between one day he asked her that he want to marry her , as per my wife he was telling him that he has been broken by his old girl friend and now since my wife listening him very carefully he started liking her , my wife still meeting him in between and go for outing at that time one day he asked to visit her home for marriage than my wife reject his proposal, after that this man gone out of station and than not met her, as per my wife telling me that i have not liked him and not having any feeling at that time and she telling that my 1st love is my husband only i am not able to decide anything now and not able to sleep properly not able to focus on me my health and my work i am vey shocked that the girl i love how she met with other man in past why she gone for outdoor and his room in past i am vey upset from last one year now and nkt able to find any Solution what to do now how to live life ahead pl guide me
Ans: Whilst I comment on dating and how to find your person, I will like to comment on this

1. basis of what you have shared you are overthinking and ruining what you have had since 18 years. your wife decided to stay with you and invest in the relationship with you is the fact that she cares for you and the relationship so stop being upset, be kind to yourself, her and the relationship.

on another note

2. marriage should not stop us from having close friends from the opposite gender.

3. if you are married, it means you are an adult which means if two adults consent to adultery its their responsibility to accept it. say if you are attracted to a woman and go all the way its not the woman who has lured you, both are in their senses and know what they are doing.

4. yes even after marrying or being in a committed relationship you can and will find others attractive and you will be found attractive to others. Its upto you and only you on how you wish to act if such a situation arises. As I shared you are an adult and someone who can not think but also overthink so you decide how to act in such a situation.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1342 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi.. good evening.. i want your advise.. we are married for 6 months now and we had a arranged marriage. My mistake was not informing my wife about my past relationship which we had broken up badly and immediately after my marriage my ex girlfriend shared our pictures with my wife purposefully and she got upset with that and me and my family convinced my wife that i have broken up with her and i dont have any contact with her and it is true and i am loyal to my wife. Everthing was normal after that and 2 months passed and i observed that my wife is in regular contact with a guy on phone whom she calls friend and talks to him daily. I confronted this to her and she told that he is just her freind and he had helped her before during her difficult times. Again this continued and i asked her to stop contacting him daily and even though he is a friend what is the point in talking to him daily and she just cried telling that i am controlling her and she feels like she has no freedom and is in jail and i am not allowing her to talk to her friends. After this she limited her talks with him and seemed fine by me as it is just a friendly casual talks 2 to 3 times a week. One day she asked me reply to one of her emails and wanted to upload some file. While i went to upload i had access to her google photos and i was shell shocked to see lots of photos of her with this guy whom she calls friend and in close proximity. Also there are pictures of them dated 3 to 4 years back and also the most hurting part is the pictures of her with him after our marriage as well. She had told me that they have a college get together and reunion and she had went with him on that day and stayed overnight as well. I was literally shocked by this and confronted her immediately and then she told me that she was in relationship with him and her parents did not agree so couldnt marry him and even he also cancelled many marriage proposals because of her and she betrayed him and happily married now with me while he is still not married and she feels guilty as all this happened to him because of her and so she talks to him daily and she can only feel ok once he is married. I told her she has to stop talking to him if we want to keep this marriage.. she tells me if i leave her she is dead as even her parents wont accpet her and also he (her ex boyfriend) will not accept her and she says she has nowhere else to go.. she still cares for me though but i dont know what else to do.. she still talks to him 2 to 3 times a week... please advise how to go about this
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your wife was never into this marriage and it became convenient for her to pursue a link with her ex-boyfriend once she found out about your past.
Everything that she does now being justified. You are right in putting your foot down, but have you seen a favorite toy being snatched away from a child? The need for that toy only gets stronger.
The way that you can counter this is by showering her with a lot of care and attention as I do gather that the two of you want this marriage. You want it as you are in love with your wife, she wants it as she has nowhere to go. Fair enough! The reasons right now might not be the same BUT someday with much love going into the relationship, the two of you can be on the same path.

Now, the question is: Are you willing to wait and pour more into the relationship? She will waver for a while going back and forth between you and that guy; it will hurt you...There will be a lot of anger and perhaps feelings of inadequacy in you, BUT you know that it's not the case. Can you persist on this journey? I sincerely believe that somewhere along the way, she is bound to stick by you when she realizes the stability that you can offer and that the sheen out there will wear out. Possible? Are you willing? If you are, go for it...Love, care, stability, security is something that is core in any marriage...be a part of it!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |725 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 28, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi Milind, Hope this mail finds you well ! I plan to invest for my daughters aged 12 & 6 years old. I plan do STP for 10 years from a debt fund (where I will regularly keep adding money) into Flexicap & Small Cap fund, 10000 each per month . Inorder to save taxes I plan to get PAN card & Bank accounts of my children and invest in their name. To start with, I have identified HDFC Flexicap & Tata Small Cap fund. Are these equity funds good ? Which debt fund should I select for STP so that we get some interest and also keep investing for 10 years ? Is my strategy of investing in my children's name a good way of avoiding taxes or is there any risk in this approach ? Please advise.
Ans: Hello;

Source fund(debt) for STP has to be from the same fund house where your target fund(equity) belongs.

You may select liquid type debt fund for your STP, from risk and liquidity standpoint.

My suggestion would be to select funds from the top quartile in performance and from a big, reputed fund house.

Apply this yardstick to your fund selection.

To ensure neutrality of this forum, specific comments about xyz fund is generally avoided. Hope you appreciate this point.

Since kids are minor you or your spouse may have to be guardian for the minor folio and your KYC will be used to open and operate the same.

In case withdrawal is made before kids attain major status, tax implication will rest with the guardian.

Also after attaining major status fresh KYC of kids is mandatory before further contributions.

I suggest joint holding folios, for eg one folio may have kid as first investor with you as guardian and your spouse as joint/second investor and vice versa.

It may sound tedious but it's a one time thing and in the best interest of kids.

Happy Investing;
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Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |558 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Nov 29, 2024

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Career
Hi Sushil, my daughter is doing her Graduation in Psychology Hons and Research from Amity University Kolkata. She wishes to pursue higher education in Psychology for doing Masters and subsequent Doctorate abroad. Post completion of Master and Doctorate. Pls suggest for best options. Also should she settle abroad post studies or does India have better career options in Psychology in the near future? kindly suggest. Tanushyam Kanjilal
Ans: Hi Tanushyam,

Thank you for reaching out. It’s great to hear that your daughter is pursuing her graduation in Psychology and research at Amity University Kolkata.

Pursuing a Master’s and Doctorate from prestigious universities abroad, like UC Berkeley and King’s College London, would provide her with specialized courses in areas like clinical and corporate psychology, along with valuable research opportunities. These institutions also have a higher demand for psychologists, which can lead to faster career progression and global exposure.

While career options in India are growing, studying abroad can offer a broader range of opportunities. She should also consider attending international conferences to build networks and explore internships.

Ultimately, the decision depends on her career goals, preferred work environment, and the opportunities available to her after completing her studies.

I wish her all the best in her academic journey!

For more information, visit our website: www.edwiseinternational.com
You can also follow us on Instagram: edwiseint

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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