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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 30, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 30, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

See our marriage was fixed by our parents, when we first met we really like each othe.. Then 2 months gone without talking as he was not found in any social media, so i couldn't connect him neither he approached.. Then our engagement got fixed we started talking.. He got suspicious when i told him that i am connected to my ex like friends.. He then go on and searched privately my past history locations and he got to know that i dated some people and had sex with some of them.. He got furious and broke our marriage then we continue talking and enjoyed each other company.. He gave me gifts like jewellery, chocolates and so on.. And he was jealous if i talk to someone of my past life.. I stopped talking to anyone else accept him.. Still he denied marrying me when i asked.. Then our families serched for other marriage prospects.. We got jealous and fought.. Still his marriage is fixed with someone who is not interested in him and he inclined towards me more romantically still.. And got jealous when i met with my marriage prospects though my marriage is not fixed. Now we are still talking and he is not leaving me. He supports me really well, and i also love him. What should i do?

Ans: It sounds like you're in a complicated situation, and there are a few important things to consider here.

Firstly, communication is key in any relationship. It's important to have open and honest conversations with your partner about your feelings, concerns, and boundaries. Discuss how his jealousy and possessiveness make you feel and try to understand his perspective as well.

Secondly, trust is fundamental in a healthy relationship. If your partner is resorting to secretive methods to gather information about your past, it may indicate a lack of trust. Trust is something that needs to be built and maintained over time through consistent communication, honesty, and mutual respect.

Thirdly, it's crucial to assess whether this relationship is truly fulfilling and healthy for both of you. Are you both able to support each other emotionally without feeling controlled or restricted? Are you able to be yourselves and pursue your own interests and friendships?

Lastly, consider seeking guidance from a professional counselor or therapist who can provide unbiased support and help navigate the complexities of your relationship. They can offer valuable insights and strategies for improving communication, resolving conflicts, and building a stronger foundation for your relationship.

Ultimately, the decision of what to do next is yours to make based on what feels right for you and what is best for your well-being. Trust your instincts and prioritize your own happiness and emotional health.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1655 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 05, 2024

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Relationship
M married for four years n have been in separation since 3 years...M 30 years and he is 36 yrs old...Due to his family behaviour I left and came back.... actually he is a loving and caring person...during these 3 years we talked many times as well he blocked me many times..this kept on continuing...Suddenly again he called me on June this year and we even met..that time he promised that he will come on August n take me back but suddenly at the end of July he txtd me saying he will not come and blocked me... recently I heard that he is relationship with another girl....i tried contacting him but no way....he even said his friends that he is getting married to that girl...how can he do this to me???I love him a lot n m totally stressed now...don't know what to do??please help me
Ans: Dear Sangeeta,
Separation without really making any efforts to sort out the issues and finding a way together has possibly created a huge distance in his mind for you and to fill that gap, it has been rather simple for him to look for someone else.
This is sad, as you now want it all back; what made the two of you take each other for granted?
Did you both assume that the other person will not go anywhere?
Anyway, what's happened has happened. If you truly want to fix what's going on; there must a SHOW of it in intent and talk. Request a meeting with him and tell him that you wish to talk about the marriage. Let's say he says that he wants to have nothing to do with you; just remain calm and still request him for that meeting. Sooner than later, he will yield as he needs to get this business of marriage in order for whatever that he has decided.
In that meeting, don't hold back on what you want. At the same time, make sure that you DO NOT bring the past back and indulge in blame game; he will again scurry away! Be patient and tell him how much you love and care for him and that you are willing to along with him rebuild the marriage. Be very genuine with all of this...It could give him a gauging of how serious you are...
Make a genuine effort...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |624 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 10, 2024
Relationship
I am a girl who met a muy in a friendly chat app and been talking to him through text and calls since the past 6 months...he told me about his past 3 breakups which were online too and he didnt meet those girls.He told he loved my nature and loves me madly n cannot live without me..i was moving with him as a friend initially,but feeling turned into love gradually..he lied to me about his name too n i found many a times flirting and chatting with other girls.Still i have forgiven as he is my first love. Recently,I met with an accident and was in a serious condition ..my phone was with my relative and she told him about my condition when he put a message to me.He even asked my relatives about the hospital address n my relative has given it. He didn't turn up and was chatting online with other girls till early morning n continued later too by chatting n cracking jokes when i was in such a serious condition.A friend of mine told me about this. When i confronted him after my discharge,he told my relative didnt give the response which is a lie ..as the proof chatting with other girls is there..n later he didnt even text to know how am i for 2days.. I am an emotional girl ,attaching n detaching is a bit difficult thing...i am broken ..when he didnt love me ..what made him use the words like he cannot live without me n will marry me. He asked for a chance,i am fed up of his lies..i made him introduce to my parents also..When i am so true to him..why does he need to chat n flirt with other girls?..even after knowing my condition instead of meeting me..he was chatting.. We still didnt meet,thought of meeting n met with an accident Does he deserve an other chance or should i leave him,please suggest mam.Why is he doing so?.I even helped him small amounts financially too when he asked for.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am very concerned about the last part of your question where you mentioned helping him financially. We ask all our dating app users not to discuss money let alone involve in a financial transaction with an online match. It gives me the impression that he might have been pursuing the relationship with you for monetary benefits; I am not saying that with surety but there is always a chance of that happening.

And now let's address your main concern- if you should give him another chance. I cannot decide that for you but let me ask you one thing- do you think you deserve to be with a person who did not care that you were in a critical condition and continued flirting with others? Even if we keep your accident aside, do you think it is a healthy relationship where one partner keeps flirting with people outside the relationship? I don't think so.

Please make the right choice and don't focus on momentary happiness, think about how this relationship will affect your future.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |624 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 30, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Myself and a guy came to know each other through an online friendly chat app.It's been 7 months we are talking on calls and video calls.From the beginning he was interested to marry me n i saw him as a good friend.Later my feelings turned into love towards him.But,he has a past which he told me in the beginning and said that his ex girlfriend of 1 year whom he know through online has married another guy n left him.I thought he has no feelings towards his ex gf.But,after i developed feelings for him n having clearly told that i love him..he gets his ex gf topic saying they used to talk hours n hours n now he is not able to be with me the same way.He even says she loved him a lot n is unable to forget her love.He says she used to call him always n talk and i am talking only when he calls..he is comparing my love with her.I feeling bad..When i asked before he told he has no feelings on his ex gf but now seems different.He even told me that she is trying to get divorced from her husband n has called him once too.I told about my love to my parents too n they agreed for our marriage.Now i am feeling bad..what should i do?..cut off all ties with him or go a head.Please suggest.I am 24 and he is 25 yrs old
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, have you met this person in real life? A lot of true love stories start online, but it is very important to meet face-to-face before making any commitments. Secondly, not being able to forget his ex can either be the truth or a ploy to end this relationship with you. Either way, it seems like a zone of conflict and I would like to remind you that you deserve better. I know you love him but don't you think you deserve someone who loves you and only you? Would you really like to be with someone who treats you like an option and draws comparisons with the ex? I suggest you rethink the relationship.

Best Wishes.

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